WAX AND WANE

Chapter One: Everything Ends

And then, in such slow motion, as though time itself had frozen, it all happened at once: the scent of Bella's blood crashing over me, hitting my face with the same violence as the first time I met her — the wrecking ball —, my mouth flooding with venom, my muscles involuntarily tensing for the attack. But, not a fraction of one second later, before Bella's lips could even part, before she could even gather the breath to gasp, there was a shouting over the fury of my own wrestling impulses: Jasper's wordless thoughts. He did not pause. He did not plan. His body lurched towards Bella as a tantalizingly sweet single drop of blood slid from the slit at the top for her finger. Before the drop hit the ground, I was able to grab ahold of my appetite. The instinct to protect this tiny, precious, fragile girl took over.

"No!" Burst from me like a tsunami crashing on the shore.

I flung my arm out to distance her from Jasper's snapping teeth. I was too strong. Bella crashed against a stack of glass plates and as she dropped to the ground, the cacophony of thoughts was deafening.

No Edward! Alice thought

I can't. The scent, it's too strong. Esme glanced in my direction as she side-stepped the bloody scene that seemed to be unfolding still.

Jasper! No! Stop! Get ahold of yourself. Remember who you are! Carlisle and Emmett thought simultaneously over each other as they grabbed at his arms.

Rosalie, still has a statue, rolled her eyes. I told you this would happen. She's human, she practically spat at me before silently stepping over the threshold and out of the room.

It had been less than five seconds, but every single one of my worst fears had been realized.

Bella's blood was spilled and I was only barely able to control myself; it wasn't even surprising that Jasper had been overcome by it. I couldn't even blame him. And there Bella sat, in the wreckage of her own birthday party, dripping blood from a very deep, very human wound.

But worst of all, Rosalie was right. The worst was bound to happen. And then it had.

Bella's arm was gashed from wrist to elbow. I could see the tiny flecks of glass that lodged in her still-pulsing flesh. Holding the seeping cut with her good hand, she shrunk further to the wall, realizing the grave danger she was suddenly in. Tears of rage, terror, and guilt welled in her eyes and she broke our gaze to glance down at the mess around her.

This is wrong.

I knew it was wrong. I should have never let this happen. Not just tonight. Not just letting Bella bleed. Not just letting Jasper get close to her. Not just letting Bella — sweet, delicious, more tempting than any human, Bella — into a house full of vampires where she is more in danger than any other person could ever possibly be.

I should have never let Bella into my life. Period.

As Carlisle approached to clean Bella up, the weight of my choices crashed down on me. Once again, I was frozen, but this time in grief.

This is wrong, I thought again to myself.

And there was only one way to right it.

It has to end.

—

While Carlisle stitched Bella up in his office — something so ludicrous, I almost had to laugh: my human girlfriend receiving stitches from my father because my brother had nearly killed her over a papercut — I went to speak with Jasper. I went to relieve him of his guilt, to alleviate him of his pain.

He was seated on the couch in the room he shared with Alice. I could tell he was trying not to breathe. The urge to leave to room, to follow the scent down the hall was too strong. Alice sat beside him whispering too-fast reassurances. It's ok, Jazz, nothing happened. You won't do it again.

You won't do it again because you'll never see her again. None of us will. I thought coldly to myself.

Alices eyes flickered unseeingly in my direction. Then, with a gasp that bordered on a sob, "Edward, no! Please!"

"It's the way it has to be, Alice." I said without meeting her gaze.

"Please," she begged again. "I'll keep extra close attention on Jasper. You don't have to worry."

"No. I've decided. It's final."

Her thoughts flickered as the future turned over like a flipbook with the pages stuck together. She kept trying to override my decision to leave with her own decision to stay, trying to show me that everything would be ok. But I knew that everything would not be ok.

It was terrible. The worst imaginable pain.

I honestly didn't know how I would force myself to leave this place, to leave Bella, to go on existing without her, but I knew I could not stay here. I could not be a fixture in her world.

I had already ruined her life. If I stayed, I'd be taking it away from her.

Finally, I met Alice's eyes. She could see there was no use fighting it. She let go of Jasper's hand and walked lithely to her closet, where she pulled down a suitcase and began filling it with her clothes. Her disgruntled huff might have come off as cute in any other circumstance, but tonight it was just another straw on my very burdened back. I could see she was only humoring me. Perhaps playing along in an effort to show me how silly I was being. That it would be so much trouble to pack up and leave, I'd eventually realize it wasn't worth it. There were no secrets between my sister and I, and I knew this wouldn't work.

I turned without even looking at Jasper and headed down to hall to collect Bella.

—

The car ride to her father's house was excruciating. I couldn't make myself say the words, not yet, so I drove silently, my hands gripping the wheel so tightly I nearly bent it under the weight of my tension. Though the cab was filling with saccharine scent of Bella's healing wound, I knew now that she was safer than she had ever been, but not as safe as she would be tomorrow, and the next day.

I inhaled deeply and let the aroma ruin me.

It blazed like fire down my throat and roiled in my chest. I felt it burning in my veins, and I invited every searing moment, for these were my last few minutes with her, and though I already wished she had forgotten me, I never wanted to forget her.

I pulled the truck to the curb in front of the house and cut the engine. Still unable to say anything, I let my hands fall to my lap. I was defeated. Bella drew a long breath and I could feel her trying to form the words beside me. Perhaps she was waiting for me to look over at her, but I couldn't make my neck turn.

Finally, she spoke. "Well, it's still my birthday, can I ask one thing?"

How could I deny her one last thing? How could I depart this place and leave her wanting? Whatever the wish, I could grant it, just for tonight. By this time tomorrow, there would be an oceans-worth of space between us.

In a last show of my inhuman speed, I opened the drivers side door, darted around the bulbous front of the truck, and was at her door. I pulled it open, and the heat of her body drawing closer to mine enveloped me like a caress.

"Kiss me," her voice cracked, husky from the tears. I reached for her.

The kiss cut me. It was like a thousand lashes. It drowned me. I was submerged within it. It beat me. The feel of her impossibly soft lips against mine was like a gut punch. It left me breathless, aching, broken.

And just like that, it was over. Same as I always had done, when I felt the fire within me burning not just for her blood, I gently but firmly separated us. I tried not to imagine what it would be like if I were human. The reckless abandon with which I could kiss her would border the force of an earthquake. I'd never let her go.

But tonight, in this life, I had to release her. Not only from my crushing embrace, but from the prison of my love. I had to untrap her, with the same unyielding, tender force with which I had ended our kiss, I would have to end our relationship.

I left her in the street, panting.

I walked off into the night and as soon as the darkness obliterated her human eyes, I took off running. The green forest, bleached grey in the moonlight, blurred by me as I tried not to think of what I knew would have to happen next.

—

When I arrived home a few moments later, the sting of Bella's kiss still burning my lips, there was an awkward tension in the air. I sampled the thoughts in the house, and found that Carlisle had called a meeting in the wake of tonight's events.

We gathered again at the oblong dining table we kept only for show. Our seating arrangement echoed eerily the night we had assembled to discuss my future with Bella, only months ago. How reluctant I had been then to allow myself and my family to love Bella. For good reason. Had I known the terrible turn our lives would take, I would have stayed in Alaska.

Alice had only just now resigned herself to the idea of leaving Bella and this iteration of our lives behind. I could tell that she still clung to hope that I would relent. Watching the flickers of the future play in her mind resolved my decision further. Seeing Alice's stone arm coiled around Bella's waist, Bella's smile her in mind's eye, it turned my stomach. That could never be. It was robbery.

Everyone sat silently, understanding the gravity of the evening, but not explicitly knowing what I meant to do.

"We are done here."

Esme's head snapped in my direction. At first she misunderstood.

"I'm not leaving the family. We," I gestured broadly around the table, "are leaving Forks."

"Oh come on, Edward. Over a little speck of blood? Now we have to start all over again?" Rosalie whined from somewhere to the left of me.

"Please, Rosalie. You're supposed to be pretending to be in college anyway, right?" I inhaled, anticipating a speech. "I just can't be here anymore. I can't continue to endanger Bella's life. It's easier if we all leave. A clean break is what Bella will need to heal. It's what —"

Carlisle held up his hand gently to stop my ramblings. "Edward is right. He is drawing a boundary and we must all defer to him — this affects him most. If any of us believe that we can not control ourselves, it's time to move on before suspicion arises. We've done it before and we will do it again." He placed his hands flat on the table. "We'll do it now."

I had so much to thank my father for, and this moment was no exception. I heaved a sigh of relief that I did not have to toil longer to convince the rest of my family. But just as the warmth of satisfaction from the resolution of this issue began to take hold, my mother spoke.

"Edward, honey. Are you sure? This breaks my heart. You've waited, we've waited, so long for you to find your mate. Surely, there must be something —"

"No. I love her enough to know that I have to leave her. If we stay here, eventually something like this will happen again. Maybe it won't be Jasper, it could be any one of the nomads, or the wolves, or possibly even, me." My voice choked on the last word. "I have to leave her to save her."

I put my foot down about leaving and though no one agreed with me, especially not Alice and especially not at first, they all relented.

We all sat stone silent for some time after we had agreed. I think the shock of the evening was settling in over us. I pushed out the thoughts of the others and tried to think of what to do next. I knew Bella was at home, probably restlessly sleeping without me to comfort her, but I took solace knowing she was safer there without me. I knew she'd be waking up for school soon. And I knew we had to get moving.

It took a few short hours to pack the house. The smaller things went in boxes, the larger furniture was hauled off to storage. Though packing had become rote after countless moves, focusing on the logistics helped to keep me on the path.

I could have been so easily dissuaded from my plan, but the memory of Bella's seeping arm, the ravenous look in Jasper's eye, and the roll of my still-eager stomach wouldn't let me divert my plan.

It was time to go.