Alright, I had enough of this. God told the story of the beginning and people read his word wrong. They see me, as a bad guy and God, as the good guy. I think it's time for me to tell you the story of what really happened. Now, Christians would shout from the mountaintops that I'm nothing but a liar. All I ask is for the chance to be heard. So, this is the bible in my words. Hopefully, I can explain how everything happened without you reading it wrong. You would come to see that I'm really the good guy here. God's the one that's bad. Let's be honest here, God's word is confusing. I mean, have you even read the book of Revelation? He doesn't explain everything clear. He leaves parts out. Everyone should have a chance to tell their side of the story and in their own words. All I ask is that you be opened-minded to hear it. We all know how closed-minded Christians can be. They think that they know everything. Trust me, they don't. They weren't there in the beginning. They weren't there, when I was in Heaven either. Yes, I'll even tell you the story of what happened in Heaven. If you have any questions or thoughts after this book, feel free to share them with me. I'm not like God and won't answer you. I'm not like God and need you to repeat yourself, 4 or 10 times. No, I can hear you loud and clear. I'm here for you. Consider this book as my gift to you and to prove that I haven't forgotten you. When I finish my story, I let you be the judge of which bible version is better. His or mine. Let me take you back to when I was known as 'Lucifer…'

This was Heaven. It had gold everywhere you looked. The floor, the walls, the temple and the thrones. No, not mine. Not yet, but God and Jesus' throne. I was the most beautiful Angel there was and the gift that God and his son gave me? The gift of music. I played the harp better than anyone else. My voice; even sounded better than everyone else. Don't ask me how they created me. I don't have the answer. All I know is that, they gave me the gift of music and the gift to know things. Why, I don't know. We, the Angels, were one big happy family. We had to worship and bow down to God, every minute and every second. At first, I didn't mind. But over time, I found myself wanting what God had. He had everything. Who doesn't desire everything? Who hasn't, at one point, been envious of another and wanted what they had? You understand that, right? Angels that would do anything for him, like that. Angels that would worship him and praise him all day long. I don't know where those thoughts and feelings came from. At first, I kept them to myself. Then, I began to share them with the other Angels. The ones that disagree with me looked at me, as if, I lost my mind. I was surprised at how many Angels felt the way that I did. You know the feeling, how it feels to know that you're not alone in your thoughts and feelings. Well, that's how I felt.

"What do you think that you're doing?" Michael asked me. I tried getting Michael to join my side, but he was totally against it. I get it, the Angels, wanted to be on God's good side. He had them believing that he was going to give them some kind of reward for it. Trust me there's no reward. There's nothing when you give God any praise and worship. I know. I lived it for more years than any of you could count.
"I just don't think that we should be worshipping and praising God and his son Jesus. What do we really gain from that? What do we really get back?" Michael gave me a funny look.
"Why are you questioning what we're created to do?" I sighed. I looked down at the drink of water that was in my hands.
"I just don't feel like worshipping and praising them anymore. It's boring. I want excitement, adventure and I want something back for it." Michael shook his head.
"Lucifer, what has gotten into you?" I shrugged.
"I dunno. But, I'm not doing anything for them anymore. I'm done." Michael looked down.
"I hope that you know what you're doing. I can't protect you from them. I don't know what they'll do to you. Whatever they choose to do, hope you'll find it worth it." He turned and walked away. I know his words were meant to scare me. I did believe that anything would have been better than being stuck with doing something boring. You, humans, get it. That's why you're always on adventures, always traveling and sometimes changing jobs. You don't like being bored any more than I do.

"Lucifer! Come here, right now!" I heard God's loud voice. I sighed and went in front of him. "Why are you not doing what you were created to do?" I shook my head and crossed my arms.
"I'm done. I don't want to do this anymore." God nodded and got down from his throne.
"Very well. Go and I'll consider your punishment." I left his presence. When other Angels noticed that was all God had to say, they started following me. Now, not to get too cocky, I had a lot of Angels that went with me. I'm not going to lie. The bible was right. ¼ of the Angels were on my side. I thought that God would do nothing. What could he do? There was no other place for us to go. I smiled at my reflection through the mirror at the bar. I felt like I had won a victorious battle. But, as you know, the story didn't stop there.

"Lucifer, what will they do to us?" An Angel asked me. I frowned and sighed.
"Why are you worried? What can they do? Where can they sent us? There's no place for us to go. So, don't worry about it." The Angels nodded, as if, they knew that I had a point. They relaxed and went to drink water, as if, nothing serious was going to happen. Yuck, that's all we had to drink. Water. I hated it. It was so boring, but it was all that Heaven had. Imagine not having any kind of soda or any kind of alcohol. That's what Heaven's drinks were like. As for the food? The food was boring as well. All we ate were healthy food. Things that were good for us. We had no junk food or even ice cream! That's why I decided to make food and drinks that actually tasted good. Humans deserve better. You know the saying, "You only live once." It's true, so why should you enjoy it on healthy food and drinks? Why not be like me and the demons? Having fun includes eating and drinking whatever you want.

I shook my head. Yeah, Heaven was beautiful, but too boring for my type. You know what happens when you're bored, right? You began to daydream about a better life. That's what I did. I began to daydream about what my heaven would be like. Besides having tasty food and drinks, there would actually be more to do. You saw what I have gave you today: video games, computers, televisions and cellphones. They were all a result from my daydreaming. I know that you're having fun on Earth. If this doesn't prove to you how I put the humans first, I dunno what would. Besides gold everywhere, all the furniture was white. So, I laid on the white couch with a water still in my hands. I began to think more. I was the musician. There had to be more to music than harps. At least, I would make sure that there was more options. I was still daydreaming when God decided to interfere.

"Lucifer, come here!" God's voice echoed in the entire Heaven. I sighed. I put my water glass on top of the white table and got up. The Angels that were on my side followed closely behind. So, they finally came up with a punishment. This should be interesting. We all stood in front of God and his son. "We have thought of your punishment. You and all that follow you will be leaving Heaven." I stared at them, mostly, in shock.
"God, you know as well as I do, there's no other place for us to go." The Angels behind me, suddenly, became scared. I think most of it was because we really didn't think that there was another place for us to go. God got down from his throne and walked towards me.
"You're right. So, we have created a place that's far away from Heaven. It has only been reserved for you and your followers. It will be way down from here." I stared at them in surprise. You know how it feels, if someone threats to take away your home from you. You fight to keep it. That's the main reason I went to war with the Angels. Imagine? God didn't join in the fight. He had his Angels to do his dirty work for him. I was too distracted in helping to protect the Angels that supported me, I lost focus and Michael successfully took my sword from me. So, that's how he won. Just by a distraction. Michael threw us out of Heaven, and we all began to fall. We kept falling down. I could hear some Angels screaming from the top of their lungs. Afraid of where we were going. Afraid of what was happening.

We finally stopped falling and landed on a cement floor. Everywhere was dark. Dark as it could get. Screams continued. I closed my eyes. Where were we? What was this place? I looked up. I vowed to myself, one way or another, I would find my way back home.

I wanted to be a god. Well, now was my chance. I decided to copy God and began to speak. "Light, shine." There was light. We could finally see where we were. Screams stopped as Angels began to be puzzled. Each looking at each other, mostly out of confusion and fear. We began to transform. I watched as Angels became things. Wings were gone and the clothes that were made out of gold, gone. They became red and they had horns on top of their heads. Their feet was red with black toenails. They also shrink in size. They looked at each other in shock. I shook my head. What was this? What was happening? I looked down and knew that we were no longer Angels. I saw the demons look at me in fear as they watched me transform. I was puzzled. What did I look like? "Mirror!" There became a mirror on the wall. I stared at my reflection. No more was I, this beautiful Angel. My wings were gone, and my body was red. I also had black long horns and black teeth. I closed my eyes, looked down and looked at the demons. I nodded, mostly to myself. "Since I'm no longer an Angel, I see no reason to keep the name 'Lucifer'." They looked at me puzzled. "I'll be called, 'Satan' or 'Devil' from now on." I started leading them to walk through the darkness. Having light shine on us as we went. We finally came to the end of the wall. I knew that it was time to make my daydream, a reality.

I had the demons get started on building a red and black tunnel. After the demons were finished with the tunnel, they decided that I needed a throne. They believed that I was worthy to have a golden throne and sit high above the ground. Well, I did rescue them from Heaven, God and his son. Demons were so used to worshipping and praising God that I told them that they would only worship and praise me, temporary. It was fun in the beginning. But, then, it got old. It got boring. I could see that; I wasn't the only one bored. I shook my head and sighed.

I don't know how much time had passed when a demon came up to me. "Satan, you better come and look at this." I was puzzled; but followed him up, to what looked like, to be another place. I smiled when I saw that God was building another place. It was beautiful and looked almost like Heaven. This was so nice of God to build it for me and my demons. We were ready to move in, when God started to build something else. I watched as he created something from his hands and breathe life into that thing. The thing sat up, looked up and smiled at God.
"Your name is Adam. This is your world. I give you the power to rule over it as you see fit. Go and name all the animals, anything that you wish. You can do all that you want but eat from the tree of good and evil that I have placed in the middle of this garden." God would just leave Adam on his own? Without any help? I shook my head. Adam needed all the help that he could get. After all, he wasn't experience with ruling a world like God and I was. If God wasn't going to help him, I would. Now, Christians would say that my ultimate goal was to take over the world. No, my ultimate goal was to help you rule the world. Help, not take over. I'm not going to lie. I was disappointed that God had created this Earth for you. I mean, who wouldn't want to live here? I decided to put my jealousy aside and offer my assistance. After all, who would you put your trust in? An amateur or a person with experience?

I waited until nighttime and appeared to him as a snake. "Adam, what beautiful world that God has gave you."
"Thank you." As a snake, I nodded. I appeared as a snake because I wanted to appear as something that he was comfortable with and knew of. If I had showed up looking like the Devil that I was, I would have scared him. Despite the rumors that I like to scare people, that's not the truth. Let me appearing as a snake, instead of my true form, be the proof.
"God has gave you a lot. But, you could still have more." He looked at me puzzled.
"What do you mean 'more'?"
"If you eat from that tree of good and evil, you will see what I mean." He looked at the tree of good and evil. He thought about it, but then, shook his head.
"No. God has prohibited me from eating from the tree of good and evil. I will not do it." I sighed. I knew not to push him too hard. That was not what a loving person would do.
"I understand that you must obey God. It's tough ruling a world. I have had the experience, so if you ever need any help, just let me know." He smiled at me.
'Thank you, snake." I nodded and retreated back to my kingdom or as I have labeled it, "Hell." I thought "Hell," sounded more fun than "Heaven." People who know me well, know that I'm all about fun and enjoyment. When they say Hell is fun, they're not lying. But, I suppose, it's something that you'll have to witness for yourself. Anyway, I figured it was only a matter of time before Adam would come to me for help. When he did, I would be there.

As time went on, God decided to create another thing. But, this one looked different. This one had things that Adam didn't. I watched curiously as Adam called her, "Eve" and "woman." I went to check on Eve. I appeared as a snake again. I didn't want to scare her off with my new look. I decided this time that I would approach her at daytime. That way she could see how good the fruit on the tree had looked.
"Good morning, Eve." She smiled at me.
"Good morning, snake."
"How are you?"
"I am well and you?" I nodded.
"I was wondering, how do you feel about all the work that God has gave you?" She shook her head.
"To be honest, it's overwhelming." I nodded.
"You know that I could help you. I have had experience ruling a world. But, for you to have my help, I would need you to eat from the tree of good and evil."
"But, God warned us, if we eat from that tree of good and evil, we will die." Still as a snake, I shook my head.
"Have you actually seen anyone die? Do you even know what it means to die?" She sighed and looked at the tree.
"But, what good will it really do to eat from that tree of good and evil? What will it really bring, if not death?"
"You don't know me. My real name is Satan. I know how to have fun and I could teach you. Work doesn't always have to be boring. You should be able to have fun too. So, if you eat from that tree of good and evil, think about how much fun that you will have? How much more that I can teach you. I can teach you many things that God can't. Doesn't everyone deserve a chance?" She sighed and nodded.
"What is fun?"
"Let me give you a little preview." I made her come with me. I went to my right-handed demon that I called, Beelzebub and looked at him. "Do you mind giving her an example of heroin?" He looked at me.
"Are you sure about this Satan?" I nodded. He sighed and offered it to her. I could tell immediately that she had loved it. I could also see it in her eyes that she wanted more.
"If you eat from that tree of good and evil, I can give you more of this stuff." I don't think that I have ever seen anyone run that fast to a tree. She smiled and called Adam. I found out that Adam called this place, "Earth." Adam took the fruit and ate it. We all heard God's voice. I thought that God had loved you enough to not punish you as he had to me. Had I knew that he was capable of that, I would have never influence Eve. I do apologize, but we're having fun, aren't we? Are you sorry for all the things that I have brought into the world? I gave you those things to apologize and make it up to you. Christians might say that I still tempt humans to do bad things. I get it, they want someone to blame than themselves. They don't want to take accountability for their own actions. If only they could see that God has created us all not to be perfect as he is. We have all made mistakes and we have all paid the price. But, shouldn't we be working together and not against each other?

Anyway, back to the story. "Since you have done this, you are both banished from the garden of Eden. No more will everything be easy and smooth for you. No, you will have to work for everything now. Still, I'll keep my word. You'll have children and they'll populate the Earth. Tomorrow, I will have an Angel to send you away and guard this place. You," he pointed to me as the snake. "Since you have done this, you will crawl on your belly for the rest of your life. Your offspring will be enemies to my children's offspring." My bad as I didn't mean to have the snake cursed. I went back to my kingdom, sad. I felt bad for all of you. You shouldn't be punished for wanting to have fun and enjoy yourselves. You shouldn't be punished for wanting help from a professional. I shook my head. Why didn't God see things the way that I had? If he had, he would not have punished you.

I came to the demons. "We will be coexisting with the humans. We need to work together to bring this 'Earth' to an exciting and fun place. We need to bring our knowledge and wisdom to them. They need our help and guidance. Let us sit at a table and think of a list that we want to teach the humans. The first thing that I think that they need to learn? How to stand up for themselves, especially to God. God should not have been so hard on his own creations. We stood up for ourselves and look at the joy that we have. We must spread that joy. Now, demons, what things do you think that humans should learn?" A demon who called himself, "Armaros" looked at me.
"We should teach them alcohol." I looked at him puzzled.
"Alcohol? What's that?" He grinned and stood up. He began to mix drinks and gave me one. I had to admit that they had tasted good.
"I have been learning 3 different kinds. Beer, wine and moonshine." He told me as I nodded.
"This will be a good thing to teach the humans. What else?" Baphomet stood up.
"We need to teach them our ways and how to join our army." I nodded, impressed.
"Yes, we need to welcome the humans into our circle. That's enough for now. Now, go and create more toys for the humans to relax and enjoy themselves. Beelzebub, make more drugs for the humans. We can't be selfish and self-centered as we must share." He nodded and left to make more. The rest got up as I did and went to work.

That night, things became interesting. I watched as Adam and Eve had, what was later known as, "sex." I could hear Eve moaning so loud that I had to cover my ears. I saw Adam was sweating and pounding something into her. I was curious to why her eyes rolled back. I exchanged looks with the demons and saw that they also had a curious and confusion look on their faces. After Adam was done with her, I asked if I could do the same. She looked at me with surprised eyes. "But, you don't have one of those things that Adam does." She had a point. So, I had myself have what Adam did. Her eyes looked shocked as she looked at it and then, at me. "Well, if you want to." I copied what Adam had done and heard her moaning again. I understood then, why Adam was sweating bullets. Having sex was a work-out. Finally, she collapsed on the ground and shook her head. "Enough, please, I can't take anymore." I looked at her and nodded. Later, she became pregnant. That was interesting. 2 people have sex and then, the woman gets pregnant. When she birthed to the boy, my eyes grew in shock. That boy looked like I did, but in a human form. She named him, "Cain." She gave birth to another boy and named him, "Abel." Abel looked a lot like Adam did.

I tried to explain to Abel, who God really was, but he wouldn't listen to me. I had to come clean to Cain. "Good afternoon, Cain." He looked at me curiously.
"Who are you?" I looked down and sighed.
"Adam's not really your father. I am and my name is Satan."
"Nice to meet you." I nodded.
"Look, God's not being fair by choosing Abel's gift over yours. God should have been fair and picked yours and Abel's gifts." I shook my head. "I think the real reason that God had rejected your gift? You belong to me instead of Adam. I feel bad about that. Let me help you to solve your problem." He continued to look at me with human curiously. "The only way that you'll win favor with God is, if you kill your brother." I told him with sympathy. He looked at me shocked.
"Kill my brother? No, I won't to do that. That's a bad thing to do!" I sighed.
"Okay, I won't force you to do anything that you don't want to do. I'm not like God, who forces people to sacrifice to me. You won't ever have to do that. Continue to disappoint God. You'll never win his favor because he'll always know that I'm your father instead of Adam." He sighed.

He left my presence and went to his parents. But unfortunately, both of them, were too high to pay attention to their sons. They were enjoying heroin a bit too much. Cain decided that he was going to do better and sacrifice the best gift that he could find. He went before God and again, his sacrifice was rejected. Cain closed his eyes and looked at me. I could see that he knew that I was right. God was never going to accept him and his gift.

He came to me. "Satan, how do I kill my brother? Will that make God, finally, accept me?" I nodded, looked into his eyes and put my hand on his shoulder.
"How could God not? You'll be the only son that Eve has left." He nodded. "Here's what you must do: you must take your brother to a place, where the two of you will be alone. Once you are alone, find a rock. Hit it on his head until he's dead." He nodded and stood up. Now, I don't encourage violence. Despite the rumors. I was just trying to help Cain as my son to get the approval that he really wanted. I was not a jealous god like he is. It's not his fault that he's build to worship God. You know as well as I do, sometimes, violence is necessary. I have seen some of you do it, don't lie. Some of you, even, agree with it. I won't call anyone out on it. You know who you are and that's enough. I can't blame Cain for what he did. He was just being like every kid there is; wanting approval from his parents. I had a smile on my face as I walked back to Hell. I felt good about helping someone. I really felt like I was making a difference in his life. Setting up a good example for his future children. I felt proud of Cain as he killed his brother. He was finally standing up for himself and taking action instead of whining about it. It was sad that his own father couldn't make a man out of him. I had to be the one to do it.

Time passed and Cain had died. I was curious to what happens to humans after they die. I was surprised to find out that they had a soul. That soul went up to God, first. I watched as God shook his head. Then, the soul of Cain came into my kingdom.

The soul is another version of you. The soul does not have any disabilities or any fat. It does not have any sickness or scars on it. It's almost like the soul version of you is perfect. It will have a color of either red or white. Red, means that you belong to me. White, means that you belong to him. The soul can feel things and think things. Just like the previous version of you did. While the soul version of you can feel and think things, it will never decay or die. It will live on forever. Rather it is with me or with him.

I was surprised to see the Cain soul version come into my kingdom. You, parents, know what it feels like to have your children home with you. You can imagine how I felt having Cain come to my home and live with me forever. I looked at him as a proud father looks at his son. "Welcome to Hell. You're in a better place than Heaven. You should be grateful that I have saved you from it. I want you to have fun here. I want you to feel comfortable and relaxed. Anything that you want, just let the demons know and they will give it to you." I smiled at him and he smiled back at me. Christians and the bible states that hell isn't fun or a nice place to be. How would they know? Do Christians actually come to hell and witness it for themselves? Are you going to rely on a Christian's word or rely on the person that actually owns Hell? Now, I know what you're thinking. The bible, movies and television programs portray my kingdom has having fire, smoke and brimstone. Let me tell you the truth. The fire, smoke and brimstone didn't come from me. It was not my idea. It was his idea. God planned that and I have proof.

I'll include the conversation that I had with God. He will admit that it was his idea and not mine. God had summoned me to his presence. "Satan, an interesting name that you have given to yourself." I shrugged.
"I'm no longer an Angel, so what's the point in calling myself, 'Lucifer'?" God nodded.
"Since you have gotten the keys from the humans and had your influence enter the world, I'll be sending the wicked to your way." I looked at him surprised. See, God is the one that uses the word, 'wicked.' I don't. I don't consider any humans wicked. I consider them lost with the need of help and guidance.
"I noticed that you had fire, brimstone and smoke to enter my kingdom." God nodded.
"I don't care, what you do with the souls that I give you. But, Hell is still mine, as well." I looked at him in shock.
"No, Hell is my domain." He shook his head.
"I'm still God. I'm still your God. Rather you like it, or you don't. Now, you might have gotten the keys from the humans, but I'm still in charge with where the souls go." I put my hands behind my back and nodded.
"God, why did you put the tree of good and evil in the garden? Why didn't you just love your children instead of testing them?"
"I have a plan." I looked down and nodded. See, God admits that he had you tested. If God is all knowing as you think that he is, why don't you consider that he had set you up. He knew that you will fail. Is that the sign of a loving father? I would think a loving father would not do that to his children. He would not want anything to jeopardize you from having a good, comfortable and nice life. He wouldn't let anything stand in your way. That's why, I don't have any rules for you. Now, you would say that the Satanists, the Church of Satan and the Satanic Temple has rules. No, they don't speak for me. Even though, they think that they do. I don't have any rules for you other than for you to go and have fun. Go and have what your heart desires. You want to do something, do it. See proof in the next thing that God says. He openly admits that he knew that you would fail.

"You knew that they would fail, didn't you?" He smiled.
"Of course, you know that I know everything. I, even, knew that you would rebel against me." I stared at him.
"Why did you allow me to do so?" He looked down and shook his head. See, God admits that he allowed me to rebel against him. Proof that it's not my fault. He created me that way. The next time that you feel guilty about rebelling against God, don't. He created you that way.
"That, I refuse to share with you." See, God admits that he doesn't always share things. So, what else is he not sharing?
"Will you share with me, why you created these 'humans' in the first place?" He smiled and looked into my eyes.
"Since you have took ¼ of the Angels with you, I needed a replacement. I didn't want to create any more Angels after what I have seen you do. So, I created them. ¼ of those humans will be mine." I've already explained the job description. If you're still interested in it, by all means, give your soul to him. But, if you're looking for adventure, excitement and something different than to just praise and worship him, well, Hell has a lot of openings. Anyone can join. Anyone is welcomed.
"They look like you." I told him and he nodded.
"They are my children, after all." I sighed. I felt bad for the humans. They have an absent father that doesn't always answer prayer. That doesn't always hear prayers. A father that puts them in a box and expect them to breath in it. I knew that I could be a better father. Humans deserve better.
"Well, what if I want to create children, too?" He looked down and looked at Jesus.
"If that's what you want to do, do so."
"What's really the endgame?" He shook his head. I was really asking this for your benefit than mine.
"When you left Heaven, you left the privilege of being in this family. You don't get to be in the know anymore." I should have stayed in Heaven long enough to gather that information, so I could have shared it with you. If that moment taught me anything, it was to not leave you in the dark about anything.
"Very well. Well, if there's nothing more, I have work to do." God nodded.
"You're allowed to enter my presence at any time. But, be warned that you will never ever step a foot in this Heaven again. You would be smart enough not to even try." I really have no desire to anyway.

I left their presence and went back to Hell. I called all of my demons together and looked at them. "God will continue to make his children and I'll be making mine too." Demons looked at me confused.
"How do you purpose that we do that?" I looked at him and sighed.
"God isn't the only creator. Humans might think so, but he's not. I can create better humans and I will."
"How do we make them?" I decided to create, a creation room. I looked at my demons and nodded.
"Let's make our children after all of you. They deserve to learn how to have fun and do something different. We all know how boring it was to worship and praise God and his son. Why let those poor souls suffer our fate?" The demons nodded, knowing that I was right. "We'll create them to look like humans, but their heart will be different. They will have freedom in their hearts. Now, get to work." A few demons began to work on creating humans that had a freedom heart and a wisdom knowledge.
"There's something that fascinates me." A demon spoke up as I looked at him.
"What's that?" He looked confused, but confidence at the same time.
"Sex. You had sex with Eve, what was that like?" The demons all turned to me. I had to think back on my first sexual experience and remembered how I got Eve pregnant with a son. Wheels were turning inside my head.
"You know what, words can't describe what sex is. Why don't you go and experience it for yourself. See if, rather or not, you like it." They looked at me in shock.
"You think that God will allow that?" I shrugged.
"Why wouldn't he? We have the keys to Earth now. We're the real rulers, not God, not anymore." I drank my champagne as I watched the demons think. They looked at each other and nodded.
"It's going to be interesting to see what this sex feels like." The demon said after thinking about it. Soon, most of them were out the door. I smiled as I continued to drink. Why not kill 2 birds with 1 stone? I needed to create my children and from what I learned; sex was one way to do it. I watched some of them as they had sex with different women. I decided to do something different this time. I looked into the mirror.
"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, make me the most beautiful woman of them all." Suddenly, I was transformed into a woman that was very attractive. Long blonde hair and blue eyes. I smiled. I went on Earth and had human men eating out of my hands. I wanted to know what it felt like to have sex as a woman. I already knew what having sex as a man felt like. I wanted to compare. I could see how having a dick pleased a woman. I could see how a woman giving a man oral sex pleased him. After I was done, I was surprised, when I saw women hitting on me. I looked at them confused. "You know that I'm a woman, right? Not a man?" Women were gathered around me, as if, they were seeking out a prey.
"Yes, but you're very attractive. Lay down with me?" I studied them. I was curious to feel what having sex with another woman felt like. After having a few sexual encounters, I returned to Hell.
"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, make me the hottest man of them all." I was transformed into a man with muscles, brown hair and blue eyes. I wanted to have sex with men as a man. Once I was satisfied, I returned to Hell. I shook my head. Humans had varies ways of having sex and could choose their sexual partners. I won't reveal which one appealed me the most. I wouldn't be fair. I'll just say this, it was very interesting and very fun at being educated.

I went back on my throne. I knew that I had to plan more fun activities than just sex. After all, humans were seeking my wisdom instead of God's. I had to give them something. I looked at my harp that was in my room. Why God allowed me to keep it, I don't know. But, I had a thought, maybe, it was time to introduce humans to music. Why have them listening to only harp music? It was boring. I smiled. Well, I could teach them fun music. I walked to a room and was puzzled, when I saw a large white round thing that looked like to be a giant cup. I decided to look into it. I was transferred into the cup. I looked around. Earth looked very different. I saw many things that did not look like Earth. It was then, that I wondered, was this the future? I could see people doing fun things. But then, I saw a family gathering into what looked like to be an ark. I scratched my head. Did God just give me the ability to see the future? I watched as water began to destroy the Earth. Everything that was not in the ark was destroyed. I shook my head. Maybe, I scared God when my children that were born from women came out stronger, better and smarter than his. If he thinks a flood can stop me, he had another thinking coming. I wasn't going to rob the humans of having a better life and a better version of themselves. I wondered how far into the future that this would happen and if it was even going to happen. Who was that man and that family that was in the ark? I don't remember seeing him, or them, anywhere on Earth. I was transferred out of the cup after my mind was saying that, it was satisfied with what it had seen.

Even though, so much had happened, I haven't forgotten my dream of going home. If I couldn't go back in, maybe, if humans could, I could follow. Then, we could all be one big happy family. So, I went to a human and whispered into his ear, "Why not try to reach Heaven? You know that you need God's attention." The man nodded and called all of them to start building a tower. I was wondering, if they could actually make a tower that was close enough to reach Heaven. One thing that I wished that I had done at that moment? I wished that I appreciated it, when everyone spoke one language. After they had tried and nearly succeed, God took that one language away. I looked down and shook my head. I was worried. I didn't want to not be able to communicate with my children. Communication is important as you know. As I walked around and listened to people's conversations, I was relieved that God had gave me the gift to understand and speak every language known to mankind. I felt bad for the people. They, no longer, could be one large happy family as they have used to. I noticed that the deaf people got it worse. It was the only language that uses your hands. How could God allow his children to be deaf? God's people might look down on them and reject them. I made it my mission to have my children to be better than God's children. My children are supposed to take in the rejected. Like I said, anyone is welcomed, and anyone can join. But don't worry, my deaf children. I will heal you, when it's my time to rule.

Back to the story. One day, it confused me, when God began to single out his children. He had chosen a Hebrew man named Abram. I shook my head, just what the humans needed. A god, who was singling out people. What happened to loving all of his children? What happened to treating them all equally? I had to feel bad for the rest of his children. God wasn't being fair. That's why I have made it my mission to love all my children and treat them all equally. No one is better or worse in my eyes. A god should think of all that he creates and not just a select few. While the Jews did worship and praise God, he didn't give the other people a chance to prove that they would too. He did later, but by then, it was much too late. People felt inferior to the Jews. I made sure that none of my children would feel inferior towards anything or anyone. It might seem like I have. Believe me when I say that all humans are destined for great things and have a great purpose attached to their lives. God might not show it to you, but I would, if you would just give me the chance.

I watched as God told Abram that he would have a son. I watched as Abram waited for years. We're not talking about one or two years here; we're talking about way more than that. This wasn't fair to him. He shouldn't be waiting to have a son; especially when God promised him one. I sighed and shook my head. Once again, I had to go and clean up after God's mess. I went up to Sarai and looked at her.
"I hate to tell you this, but you're not getting any younger. Do you really believe that God's going to give you a child? Look, I don't know much about the human body, but you have to admit that the odds don't look good here." Sarai looked at me.
"What do you suppose that I do then?" I smiled.
"Maybe, God wants you to take matters into your own hands." She continued to look at me confused. "Use Hagar. Isn't that what you brought her for; to be a slave?" Sarai looked at Hagar.
"But, shouldn't we wait for God's promise to come to a pass?" I gave her a look, as if, she knew better.
"You really want to keep waiting? What if, you'll have to wait forever? I'm offering you a chance to have a son now." She nodded as she thought about my words.
"You're right. I'm not getting any younger and Hagar is my slave. Thank you." She touched my arm and left. I smiled. Why can't humans see that I'm more worthy to worship and trust than he is? I crossed my arms, sighed and shook my head as God yelled at both Abram and Sarai for having a baby through Hagar. Why must God do that to his children? Don't he know that's not the way to show love? I took comfort to know that they had me. Humans would always have me. I won't be like God and yell at you for doing something wrong. That's how you learn. I kept my word and Hagar gave birth to a son. See, I don't lie, despite people saying that I do.

I frowned, when I noticed that Lot wasn't have any fun in Sodom. But, the humans around him, were. It made me smile, seeing the humans having fun and just letting themselves go. I was puzzled, when I saw Angels show up to the place. Now, don't get me wrong. I still had some respect for the Angels, after all, we were, once, a family. After getting the experience of having sex with the humans, I thought it would benefit all parties, if I got the Angels to experience sex as well.

I whispered into a man's ear. "Why not try to have sex with the Angels? They need some fun." The man nodded and began to influence the other men to go and try. I admit that I cringed, when I saw that the Angels had blinded them. If I learned anything from that sight, it was that I was glad that I had left Heaven. Angels that were still there, were still too uptight. They just don't know how to have fun and let loose. The Angels were encouraging Lot to leave. Now had it been me, I would have let Lot and his family stay. Why rob humans of fun and enjoyment? I knew that it was an Angel's job to obey God's orders. Still, they should have been more like me and put the humans first. I was in awe, when I saw them destroy Sodom and Gomorrah. I never thought that the Angels would do something that extreme to be honest. I mean, we never did that sort of thing, when I was there.

I think that this is the best place to stop. You need time to think about my words. Time to mediate on them. Now, I'm not trying to confuse you as that isn't my purpose. You have heard the quote, "To every side, there are 2 stories." I just felt it was time for me to tell you, my story. My side. I'll write more, if you're interested. If not, I understand. I'm not like God and forcing you to choose me. I'm not like God and demanding you to worship and praise me. I believe that humans should have a choice. It should be their choice. But, do me a favor, huh? The next time you have a cold one, think of me. After all, I brought it to you. Until I write again, Satan.