A/N: I don't own Hey Arnold, the show belongs to Craig Bartlett. I apologize in advance if I mess up parts of the canon, but my memory stinks and I can't re-watch the series.

Phoebe could tell that Helga was in a bad mood. Although it was normal for Helga to scowl (especially on school mornings) she didn't usually stomp towards Phoebe's house with her hands balled into fists.

"What's wrong?" Phoebe asked. She hoped that the answer had nothing to do with her.

"Life!" Helga snapped. "Big Bob's going to sell our house and move us into the beeper store!"

Phoebe gasped. "What?" Countless questions ran through her head, and she didn't know which one to ask first.

"He wants to use the house money to try to save the store." Helga unclenched her fists and took a deep, slow breath. "I hate everything."

"But..." Phoebe was confused. "But that doesn't make..."

"Sense?" Helga snorted. "It makes sense to Bob."

"But..."

"Losing the store would make him look like a failure," Helga said. "Keeping it open by selling his house...makes it seem like he had a choice."

"Is there even room to live in the store?" Phoebe asked.

"Not a lot." Helga glanced at her watch. "Wait, it's already nine?"

"We better get to school," Phoebe said.

The two girls continued their discussion at lunch.

"If he's not selling enough beepers," Phoebe said, "why doesn't he start selling mobile phones?"

Helga shrugged. "He's stubborn. Stuck in the past." She opened her lunch box and took out her sandwich. "Actually, he's thinking of having a closeout sale."

Phoebe gasped. "Closeout sale? But...but….if he closes the store, then...where will you live?"

Helga chewed on a bite of her sandwich. "He said he'll cross that bridge when he gets to it."

"Oh." Phoebe slumped in her seat, worried that Helga might move to a different city.

"If I end up moving to Idaho or something," Helga said, "promise me you'll ask Gerald out."

Phoebe forced herself to smile. "Maybe your sister can seek employment this summer?" Olga would be graduating from college in two months.

"Maybe." Helga sipped her soda. "Right now, though, I'm worried about Mischief."

Mischief was Helga's pet monitor lizard, who had been living in Olga's old bedroom for over a year now. Helga loved Mischief almost as much as she loved Arnold, but Phoebe doubted that the angry, carnivorous lizard would be able to live in the beeper store.

"I have to bring her back to Pet Love." Helga looked like she was about to cry. "I'm gonna miss...miss her..."

Phoebe let Helga cry on her shoulder, and rubbed Helga's back as she sobbed. "Maybe Arnold will take her," Phoebe said, but she knew that was a bad idea. Mischief could fight with Abner, Arnold's pet pig, or maybe even eat one of the smaller pets at his house.

Helga's tears suddenly evaporated. "Pheebs, you're brilliant!"

"Actually..." Phoebe tugged at her collar. "That wouldn't work."

"It wouldn't? Why not?"

"She might not get along with his other pets."

"What, do lizards eat pigs?" Helga snorted. "I don't think Abner could even fit inside Mischief."

"Maybe not swallow, but...they could fight."

"Right." Helga sighed. "And your parents are too strict for lizards, so who does that leave? Brainy?"

Phoebe knew Helga would never give a gift to her stalker. "Hmm...maybe Gerald?"

"I don't trust his brother," Helga said. "Or his sister, for that matter. She's what, seven? What if she gets her hands on Mischief and treats her like a toy?"

Phoebe looked around the cafeteria, thinking. "How long until you have to move?"

"Until whenever the house gets sold," Helga said. "Bob's talking to an agent today, so it could be as soon as tomorrow."

"TOMORROW?" Phoebe shouted. The cafeteria grew quiet, and all of her fellow fifth-graders stared at her. "Hey, um...does anyone want a monitor lizard?"

"Phoebe!" Helga looked insulted. "You can't just advertise my baby to a bunch of idiots!"

The room filled with chatter again, but Phoebe couldn't make out what anyone was saying. "Actually, Helga," Phoebe said, "advertising could be an effective method for finding potential adopters."

"Potential adopters? Our classmates are potential felons!" Helga crushed her soda can. "We need someone gentle!"

"And we'll find someone," Phoebe said. There had to be at least one gentle person willing to adopt an angry lizard—right?