A/N: Hi! So, it's been a while since I wrote a fic. But I am back now, and I brought something different from my first fics. This is gonna be my first actual mult-chap. Thank you to my friends who convinced me to post this fic. I was really considering drafting this plot, but I was in need of Addek-fication in my life again.

This story is set in the Private Practice Universe so there the Practice gang will be here. Anyway, I hope you enjoy reading!

And for the Addek Nation, continue the revolution!

"Addison, don't." She hears him plead. "Don't do this because of Violet. I don't want you to go anywhere."

"Pete…" She sighed, mentally checking if she's collected all of the things that she left at his place. "I-I need to go."

She gripped on the door handle, praying that she wouldn't fall apart. Not here. Not now. Montgomerys may have many treasures but they do not have the luxury to cry outside the four walls of their bedroom. God, she could hear her mother's voice at the back of her mind. Tears are for the bedroom, dear. Forbes Montgomerys don't cry in public.

It's easy to tell herself that she could do this, that she could walk away from Pete and the cocoon of happiness they've created without shedding a tear, except she can't—she's still gripping on what they have, and all she wants to do is cry and make him beg her to stay. Pete. She wants him, but she can't have him. She's in love with him, but she hates what has happened to their relationship.

And it's not like they weren't happy, they were very happy. They were deliriously and disgustingly in love that Charlotte grew irritated every time she saw them in the hallways of St. Ambrose—Get out of here before I take away your privileges—but most especially, they were a family. Her, him and Lucas. What they had was the closest thing she could call a family. Sure, they weren't hers, but it felt good being with them. It's as if she was living the dream she's always wanted.

So you have a great house, a great job, a hot boyfriend, a cute baby. Addie, you finally got everything you wanted.

"Addison, wait." It hasn't occurred to her how long she's been holding on until she felt Pete's arms wrapping themselves around her. Her mind immediately went back to the time when he told her he loved her for the first time. "I love you, please stay."

She let herself sink in his arms, blinking back the tears threatening to fall from her eyes. "I love you too." She whispered quietly. "But I can't stay, Pete. I just can't do this to myself."

"Do what, Addison?" He whispered, as he gently ran his hands up and down her hips.

"I can't let myself completely fall in love with a man who's in love with someone else." She said, turning in his arms to face him.

"But I'm not in love with Violet." He shook his head. "I mean, I love her. Addison, she's Lucas' mom. Of course I love her, but am I in love with her? I'm not. I told you that I've moved on."

"I wish you could see your own eyes, Pete. Because you say things like that, but your eyes say different things." She placed a hand on his chest. "Listen to your heart, Pete. Choose her if you want to, I'm not gonna stop you."

"Addison, I can't lose you."

"I can't lose me too, and that's why I've got to let you go." She leaned in, kissing his cheek. She let her lips linger a little longer than usual. She wants to savor this moment. When she looks back, she wants herself to see that even if she did fall apart and lost, she still fought for love.

"Addison." He tightened his grip around her waist. "Don't go."

"I have to." Her lips curled into a sad smile, as she placed her hands on top of his, pushing them away from her body. "Don't let her go, Pete. You both deserve to be happy."

He begrudgingly let her go, not without placing one last kiss on her forehead. If she gets her goodbye, he has to have his too. He still doesn't get why they have to end it—they were happy, they fixed everything that they needed to fix after the custody battle so imagine the surprise he felt when she comes to his house one day, asking for her things and ending their relationship.

He loved her; they both knew that but she knew it wasn't enough. She wouldn't be enough to fill the Violet-shape piece in his heart, and she can never be Lucas' mother. She knows she can't compete, so she decided to end it. It's for the better.

"What about Lucas?" She hears him call after her once she gets in the car.

"He has a mother, Pete." It slipped out of her mouth almost painfully. She desperately wanted to be his mom, even if it was just when they were playing house.

With a heavy heart and her drowning mind, she stepped on the pedal and drove back to her house. It's going to take a couple of weeks and a couple bottles of wine but she knows she'll get better. She always has. That's Addison for you. Always resilient even during the great tragedies in her life. She always gets through it, even if it's just playing pretend. Montgomerys were raised to be like that. Pretend, pretend, pretend and pretend till it becomes true.

Addison immediately dove into her closet in search of a quick pair of pajamas. She has done enough for today and decided that she owes herself a steamy shower and the rest of the day off. With that thought, she took her iPod out and put I Don't Feel Like Dancin' by Scissor Sisters on repeat, before entering the shower. She took her time in there. And her mind wandered back to a million years ago, back when she first lost the fight in love.

It was for her father's love. She remembered all those times that she arranged father-and-daughter dates with The Captain in an attempt to stop him from continuing his escapades. Tennis matches, piano practice, sailing (one that almost led her to drown had Archer not become worried of where his little sister was), you name it; she did everything for him. But nothing ever worked. He continued to sleep with women young enough to be her sister, and she kept drifting away from him every time he did. She had fought for him for years but she eventually stopped when she went to boarding school, and met Lily, she'd tell her stories about her father and how he did anything for her. He even left his mistress when it came down to choosing between her and Lily. That was when she realized that fighting for love that wasn't really there was not worth it.

Years after that, she let herself drown in her studies instead. She decided that it was a better hobby than trying to earn her father's love, plus she got to leave the Estate when she went to college and then med school—where she met Derek. She couldn't help but smile when she saw a blue-eyed, young med student looking up from the cadaver with such awe in his eyes. He may have said it in his song that he knew she would be his wife the moment their eyes met, but she also knew in that moment that they could be something.

And then they were, they dated for a couple of months until they finally made it official as boyfriend and girlfriend. Flashforward to four years later, they were eager interns and were engaged, and then they got married. The kind of love that Derek made her feel was definitely something. After years of not being able to feel the love that she wanted, it was great to have someone loving her the way he did.

Derek, her sweet Derek, would abandon anything if she needed him because for him, not even the best recognition and becoming the greatest surgeon in the world could compete with the feeling of seeing her smile. He was always by her side, holding her hand, kissing her forehead and wrapping her in his arms to make her feel okay. He would bring her juju after an unsuccessful surgery, and he'd take her out for celebratory drinks when the result of her work was successful. Through the good and bad, he was there.

When Richard tricked her into believing that she was the reason why her baby died, he rocked her to sleep in an on-call room after crying for hours. When Bizzy told her something that he knew would make her feel insecure, he was the first person to call her out for it. When the worst came and they lost their baby, he was there even if she didn't want him there. She would always feel him close and even if she never vocalized it, it comforted her to know that he was there. So, imagine the heartbreak that she felt when he stopped being there.

It was as if she was sucked into a nightmare. At first, it wasn't that obvious. He'd leave her alone when he thought she didn't want him around. But then, all of a sudden, when she was the one making the effort to come through, he wasn't there. All that she got were his hurried kisses and broken promises.

Next time, Addie. I promise. I just have surgery.

I promise I'll be home before you know it, Addie.

We're gonna talk about this later, I promise.

I'm sorry I can't make it, but I sent Mark there. He'll take care of you. You're gonna have fun there, I promise.

It was a gradual feeling that began to grow. She can feel him drifting away from her, and she found herself feeling like she was ten years old again begging for daddy's love. In her head, they were about to be over when she had jumped into bed with Mark, but oh, she was wrong. When he left, all she could think about was him. She wanted him to be the one in her bed, holding her and whispering sweet pleasantries as she tried to sleep during a thunderstorm. She wanted to hear him say that he loved her over and over again. She was desperate to feel him, so when Richard told her that Derek was in Seattle, she immediately took her chance.

Her heart broke so many times when she met the new Derek. She just shrugged them off by teasing him about being a wood-chopping fisherman but it hurt seeing him become someone new without her. She saw how he desperately avoided the things they used to do and made new traditions. She saw how he fell in love with someone else. She saw the look in his eyes when they landed on Meredith. He didn't need to tell her because she knew—especially because she's been the recipient of that look for the past sixteen years. Addison knew that it was only a matter of time before she had to stop trying to compete again.

And then it happened, during prom, and she knew the moment they met at the lobby by the end of the night. He couldn't look her in the eye but she was able to get a peek inside of him. As much as Derek wants to believe that she doesn't know him anymore, she could still read him like an open book. A simple weak smile was all it took for her to know, but she never said anything.

Not when they were driving back to the trailer and he was fiddling with the wheel. Not when she reached for him in bed, aching for him to touch her. Not when she closed her eyes as she lost her battle with the bliss that he was making her feel. Not when he wrapped his arms around her, and she gripped onto him for dear life because she knew she'd be losing him. And especially not when they kissed that morning, as she hugged his tux to her body. She knew everything that happened that night was goodbye, so she wanted to savor it. She didn't want to dwell on things she knew were inevitable.

Those things like their divorce. How she wished that piece of paper would tear itself into pieces, and how she wished that her year in Seattle was just a dream. She wanted to wake up in New York, with Derek beside her. She wanted to continue fighting for him because she still thinks they were something. But it was with Derek that she learned that it's better to let go of things, even if she thought it was worth fighting for, because it would make the other person happy.

God knows how painful that learning process was and how lonely she felt once again. She was left fending for herself once again and trying to find something that would take her mind away from Derek. That's how she found herself in Los Angeles. She knew Seattle was his, and she already lost him so who was she to stay in the land that he claimed to be his?

And if she was being honest, LA was better for her. As much as she hated it at first—she had completely fallen in love with the city where she began again. It suited her. And even with the recent tragedies of her life, it felt right being there.

Addison sighed as she looked at herself in the mirror. She's not getting any younger, she can't continue living like this. She needs something more stable. Something or someone who won't leave her to fend for herself. She shook her head; she can do this. It's time to begin again.

With a smile, she began to dance with the music playing in the background. Her hips swayed just enough, that if someone was watching her, they would surely drool over her. She let herself move its magic. She was never a good dancer—she hated it when Bizzy tried to make her take up ballroom and ballet but she has to admit that dancing felt good. If only someone was watching her, they'd see how young and happy she was at that moment.

Her towel dropped on the floor as she shuffled around the room, her eyes closed, stopping by her window. It felt nostalgic to be doing this again. And besides, it felt good to be in control of something when everything around her was falling apart. So, she continued to dance. She even started to hum with the song. She moved so freely, without any care in the world as to who would be able to see her and what they would think if they saw her.

That is until she opened her eyes, only to be met by those familiar ocean eyes. She blinked and he was still there, smiling and looking at her with such awe that she could swear she was brought back to the first time they met.

"Derek?"

A/N: And that's it...for now. I'm gonna try my best to update frequently and not pull a Derek Shepherd on this. Thank you for reading!