Chapter 5:Bend not Break (Dashboard Confessional)

Warning: this chapter contains references to sexual acts and domestic abuse.

The pain came first, as I woke up alone.

Not having Marco in my face gave me the time that I needed to gather myself.

This new reality was not ideal, but it was all that I had until I could escape him.

I knew it wasn't likely, I knew that he'd find me, or my father would, and I would still have to deal with all the shit I had caused.

Everything felt so wrong and out of place.

My dream of coming to New York with Brittany had been warped into something else entirely.

I could hear traffic outside as I took in the smell of the room. We had been going at it for hours and the pain in my body was proof that my body now belonged to someone else. To his every whim and desire, this is how my years had been since that Halloween he had pinned me down and made me his. Not since the years that followed when I felt obligated to give him everything he asked for or deal with him threatening to tell my father I was gay, had I felt so helpless.

As I slid from the bed and stretched out my limbs, I felt the ache of every muscle and wanted to cry but the time for self-pity had passed.

I needed to be in survival mode.

So, I'd work the job he got me and make the connections that I needed for college. I would let him think that we were getting married and then when I get back to Lima, I will find a way to break it off. I needed to play the game just right so that I didn't feel any more pain.

I gave myself this pep talk as I stood in the bathroom mirror, brushing my hair and putting concealer on the bruise that had blackened my chin.

My life had managed to completely go to shit in less than two days and while I was now living a warped dream of the life that I was planning with Britt, my dream was now turned on its head, I could make this work in my favor.

Not because I wanted to but because I had to.

Last night I had only unpacked his bag but had left my suitcase untouched and now it was gone.

What kind of game was this?

My brain was foggy, and my stomach rumbled, so I draped his big robe around me and went in search of coffee.

Maybe he had been nice enough to let me have the morning to myself, so that I could acclimate myself.

The place was beautiful and while this was just all wrong and I was asking myself repeatedly, how I got to this point...I would force myself to find joy in the things I could.

He would not steal that part of me...I had to keep something for myself.

With my bruise covered up and the robe covering surrounding me like a big hug, I stepped out of the room and was shocked back into reality.

Just across the hall was the kitchen but I never made it that far.

That childlike laugh caught me off guard and I stood in the hallway like in a deer in headlights.

"That, my colleagues, is my new fiancé, Ana, obviously seeking me out for another round!" There were three guys besides Marco sitting in the living room, smoking cigars. How long had I slept? I couldn't not respond to him, as he held his hand out to me. I knew better but all the guys were looking at me with these huge grins. I felt my cheeks heat up and I immediately dropped my eyes. "Ana, honey, why don't you come over and let me introduce you properly."

I looked up at him in shock.

I took another step back and shook my head.

Whatever he was thinking, I did not want to be involved.

But then he shot me a warning glare which chilled me, so I smiled and spoke up, my voice huskier than usual from all the screaming that I had done last night.

"I am just going to get dressed first, okay? Have you seen my suitcase?" I pleaded with him.

Marco waved me over and gave me another warning glare.

"That won't be necessary, we are all friends here and I have already told them how friendly you are. So, no need for you to be shy!" He said with malice in his voice.

The smile though never left him and when I actually began to move out of the hall and into the living room, I brushed my fingers over his piano...taking enough time to bang on a few keys.

When our eyes met again, I could tell he was pissed!

I made my way over to Marco who sat in the center of the seating area and stood by his chair.

"Look at me." He muttered.

I looked down into his eyes and put on my best bitch smile.

He smirked back at me and before I could stop him he stood and yanked the robe off my body.

I yelped and quickly tried to cover myself, but I knew that it was useless.

He stood up behind me and took my wrists into his hands, lifting my them up until they met above my head.

"Give us a spin Ana." He said, while squeezing my wrists and forcefully spinning me.

I was mortified.

Even with my reputation in Lima, I had never felt this unclean.

Marco was blatantly parading me in front of his fellow attorneys, as if I was some sort of call girl.

He was doing everything he could to break me and despite my tough exterior, I was quickly cracking.

I couldn't let them see me cry, I wouldn't let Marco have the satisfaction of seeing me stumble.

I kept the smile on my face and looked every one of his colleagues straight in the eyes.

The men were all at least twenty years older than Marco and looked like they hadn't seen a woman in years.

I was surprised that they weren't whacking off right there, of course they were business men and they had some level of decorum.

Marco released my hands and gave me a shove forcing me to fall to my knees in front of a man who sat in the center of the couch.

"Evans, this is the new girl I was telling you about. She should be able to turn a profit for you without batting an eye. And she sings!" Marco stared down at me and sneered.

I held my head down and refused to look up at the man with the visible hard on.

The smoke in the room was making me dizzy as I looked down at the floor, my hands on my thighs.

And that's when I saw it, just a barely there bruise in the shape of a fingertip...Brittany.

The tears came as Evans looked down at me and I could just hear his heavy breathing.

He reached out to touch me and I slapped his hand away from me.

Marco cleared his throat but then Evans chuckled.

"Oh, she is a feisty one. I would like to see what she can do, when can this be arranged Marco?" The man inquired, as if I wasn't even in the room at all.

Was he selling me to this man?

This could not be what Papi thought I'd be doing.

There's no way he'd allow this.

Even he had a line, and this was way past it.

"No time like the present. Ana, show Mr. Evans what you showed me the other night."

Was he serious?

Right here, right now?

I got another one of those warning glares and then I looked up at Evans, a man old enough to be my grandfather and cringed.

With one hand caressing that small bruise I moved forward until I was between his knees.

He brushed my hair back and smiled at me before unzipping his pants.

I pushed back my shame and tried do this as fast and good as I could.

The groaning around me was now loud and blatant.

Someone smacked my bare ass which made me nearly choke as my throat was becoming bruised.

I felt my lower half being raised up and then someone slammed into me.

The tears trailed down my face before I could stop them.

Not even I deserved this.

Feeling like a crumpled-up piece of trash, I sat at the bottom of a scalding shower trying to wipe everything away.

They'd all gotten a chance to use me and touch me in ways that I hadn't even let Britt yet and I wanted to die.

If this was all to prove a point to me, he had succeeded.

They left me there covered in fluids and then Marco beat me with his belt, punishing me for hesitating.

He yelled at me for embarrassing him and told me that this was just a warning, the next time I thought of doing it, I'd get what was due to me.

I kept crying, kept apologizing, practically kissing his shoes to get him to stop.

When he was finally through he barked an order for dinner at exactly eight sharp and then left me to go back to work.

Just before he left he gave me back my phone and slapped my ass, threatening, that if I told anyone about today he would make events like this morning happen every day.

I found my suitcase in the kitchen behind the counter as I shakily made a pot of coffee.

This morning had been a game to him and apparently, he had made equally disturbing friends.

They'd been waiting for me, that was clear, and I had walked into yet another of his plans.

I was like putty that he was working between his fingers and I was breaking more than I ever thought possible.

One thing was clear, what he had done to me years ago, paled in comparison to this fresh new hell.

I sat in the shower until the water ran cold.

My body ached, and my spirit was broken.

Marco had won.

I got dressed in the loosest clothes I could find which for me was almost nonexistent.

I picked up my phone and saw that no one had messaged me.

That never happened so I knew that Marco had probably gone through my phone.

I scrolled through it and saw that most of my numbers had been deleted including Puck and Britt.

Of course, Puck, Britt and Quinn had numbers I could never have forgotten.

They were my best friends after all.

I sat with my phone in my lap staring off in a daze when the phone began to vibrate.

I picked up without even looking at the called id.

"Yo San! How is the big apple?" Quinn said practically screaming in my ear.

"Hey Q...it's great." I rasped out. I could feel the tears clogging my nose as I listened to that voice.

My throat was on fire and I had almost no voice left.

"San? Are you okay?" Q suddenly got serious.

"Yea, never better. It is just like old times." I said trying to get her to think back to my abusive relationship with Marco.

"Did he hurt you? Is he there?" She sounded anxious. "Oh God, is it bad?"

"Um, no he isn't here, look I'm not sure when I will be able to talk to you again. Just pass a message for me please?" I begged her trying to rush not knowing whether there were cameras.

I wouldn't put anything past Marco at this point.

"Anything San! What is it?"

"Call Brittany and say that I give in. Say that every time the landslide brings me down that I think of her. That I want to build my life around her and that no matter how many times this landslide tries to take me down that I will get through it by imagining our future together. Tell her that I'm so sorry. Tell her that I will explain everything in August. Just please make sure more than anything, that you tell her how much I love her, tell her more than my own life! Did you get all that?" I squeaked out barely able to hold back my tears.

Everything hurt, and I just wanted to die but I couldn't give him the satisfaction.

"I heard you Ana."

That sounded like Britt!

I probably sounded horrendous, but I didn't care.

"B? Are you there?" I squealed, she was there. She heard me! "I miss you so damn much B!" Just then I heard the door slam. "Shit, I have to go! I love you guys!"

I turned to see Marco over my shoulder and then everything went black.