Chapter 10: Don't Let Me Fall (B.o.B)

I laid there staring at Britt's back wishing that I could close the gap between us, but I hadn't done much to make her trust me and now I had this chance to tell her what I had found and show her that I can beat this but that wasn't a thing I wanted to do.

So, I unplugged my phone from the charger and tucked the velvet bag in my hoodie before leaving the cabin. Finding a signal seemed impossible from the cabin steps so I walked towards the lake that separated our camp from the guys. I had left the cabin area and started down the gravel road not looking back even once.

Halfway down the road I was able to get a signal and saw that I had a few messages from Marco. It was just after midnight and Q hadn't been in her bunk, so I was cautious as I hit the number on my screen. He answered immediately.

"Ana, how was your first day?"

"Not like I expected."

"How so?"

"Sue cancelled the drug test because she knew everything. She gave me a chance to turn over my stash and I just needed a taste...when I gave her everything, I lied about taking some and keeping some for myself. She made Quinn the captain."

"Wow."

"Then there's Britt, something is broken between us and I don't know how to get back to what we were before."

"That's because you aren't the same girl that you were in June."

"Fuck you for that."

"Oh no, that's not all on me...I tried to wean you off weeks ago and you fought me."

"Because I'm an addict, pendejo." I whispered.

"Where are you?"

"Walking to the lake...I couldn't be on that camp another second and I found the backup stash and I'm trying to decide whether I toss it or just take it all and ask for you to come get me."

"It hasn't even been 24 hours, this was what you wanted, to be away from me and with your girls."

"Are you taunting me?"

"No, I'm being real with you. We had fun but now you have to get back to the life you fought so hard for."

"Where was this caring person when you were kicking my ass?" I muttered as I sat on the edge of the water. The lights of the football camp were still on unlike the Cheerios who were on a strict sleep schedule, one that I was violating.

"You're not the only one experiencing a change. Mr. Evans didn't like the way I talked to him the other night, remember when he threatened my job?"

"Uh yeah, he looked like he wanted to murder you."

"Well he took me off a huge case and told me I need to go to rehab. He said that he became fond of you and didn't like the way I treated you or what I got you involved in."

"You're kidding!" I was actually laughing with Marco and he wasn't getting angry.

"So, bringing you here shined a light on my drug problem and he is not happy that I got you hooked either. Something about you showing so much promise and how you really should have been interning this summer instead of committing felonies."

"So why didn't he stop it after seeing my transcript?"

"I told him I fudged it."

"You asshole!"

"I know but he obviously did some research on his own."

There was a crunch on the gravel and then footsteps coming my way.

"Someone's coming I need to go...do what he wants, I imagine you don't want to be back in Lima with your tail between your legs."

"I will, you need to ride it out, if I need to suck it up and be the bigger person, so do you. Cuidate."

He hung up as a shadow loomed over me.

I didn't say anything, just stared out at the lights reflecting on the water.

"Were you going to tell me?" B asked finally as she kicked a pebble into the water. I looked up at her and could see that her face was all pinched, like before she cries.

"Tell you what, exactly?"

"That you were thinking of leaving."

"That was what I was trying to decide."

"And?"

"Probably, Britt Britt, I wouldn't just leave without telling you."

"How can I convince you to stay?"

I reached my hand up to her and she took it, I pulled her until she was sitting next to me.

"For now, can you just hold me?"

She pulled me against her and pressed her face against my neck.

"You're shaking." She mumbled when she could feel the tremors that I had been doing my best to disguise.

"It's the drugs, I want them more than anything right now."

"Even more than me?"

I didn't say anything, I just kissed her face and stared back at the water. She got the message loud and clear as she whimpered against my shoulder. Hearing Britt cry has never failed to make me want to slay dragons to make her laugh again.

I turned towards her and pushed her back until she was lying on her back.

She looked up at me with the saddest face in the world but still I straddled her waist and then leaned down and kissed her with every bit of emotion that I couldn't bring myself to explain out loud.

At first, she didn't kiss back but then I ground down against her abs and she moaned. Her hands were on my hips as I kept rocking against her, kissing her more and more.

My body was still quaking with tremors, but I was trying to push those away. I needed to want her more than the drugs.

Right now, I was looking for a reason to stay.

An air horn sounded when we started to run fingers under clothes.

Fucking Fabray.

I scrambled off Britt as Quinn made her idle threats.

"Whoever is down there needs to get your ass back to camp!"

"Cool your jets, Fabray." I said as she shined a flashlight at us.

"Oh, it's just you two...I haven't been back to the cabin yet, Sue has me going around finding any stragglers, I thought you'd be on the field."

Britt looked at her confused.

"Why?"

"Sue called everyone to the field because she had a brilliant idea for a routine that she wants us to run through."

"Now?" Britt actually looked disturbed.

"Yes...now, so unless you two want to deal with her down our throats all night, let's get a move on."

Britt started to walk away with Quinn, but I didn't bother moving.

Quinn stopped short and looked back at me.

"Why aren't you moving?"

"I'm not going, Sue can kiss my ass."

Britt came back and grabbed my arm, pulling me along.

"I know what you want to do and I'm begging you not to...please?" She whispered against my face. Quinn looked annoyed, but she didn't ask any questions as she walked ahead of us.

"How much did you hear?" I asked her as I tried to stand my ground.

"Everything and I need to know you're okay...I can't leave you here so if I have to I will pick you up."

"You wouldn't fucking dare." I said, turning from her but then I was being lifted like a bag of feathers and tossed onto her shoulder.

"This is for your own good." She said as I dangled there.

I gripped onto her shirt and tried kicking my legs, but her arm held my legs in place as she walked us back up the gravel road.

There was a flash and cackle.

"I swear on everything you love, Q, if you post that pic I will kill you in your sleep!"

"And I'd haunt you forever bitch."

I thought Britt would get tired and put me down, but she carried me all the way through camp until we got near the mess hall. Quinn stopped short too, but Britt waved her off.

"I've got this." Britt said, and Q shot me a glare before bolting onto the field.

I had my arms crossed over my chest and I was glaring at B.

"That's what you think." I growled.

Britt pulled me to her by my hoodie and kissed my face, first my cheeks then my forehead and then finally my lips.

I used to melt immediately but I was withdrawing.

"Do what you need to do to get through tonight, I hate this so much, but I can't let her use this as a reason to send you home."

"You know if I show up alone she'll immediately suspect something."

She reached into my pocket and pulled out the baggie from my pocket and held it out.

I looked around, we were uphill from the field on a dark part of the pathway.

"Hurry up."

I turned my back to B and quickly snorted a line's worth off my hand.

My nerves were firing as I tucked the bag back into my pocket and wiped my face.

Britt pulled me into a kiss and not knowing that this was the kind of thing my body expected after coke, she seemed surprised when I groped her.

The air horn sounded again.

"Get moving ladies, this isn't a honeymoon we have work to do!" Q yelled at us and Britt pulled back.

"Is that why you started taking that stuff, so you could get through New York?" B asked as we made our way to the field, pinkies linked.

I laughed from my gut and knew I needed to calm down.

"Yes...makes me horny."

"Well keep that to yourself until I get you alone later."

She winked at me and then fell in line with the bases. The flyers were all a bunch of hyper sophomores and freshmen.

I was the only one light enough to be tossed like them but that didn't mean that I enjoyed their company.

When they saw me, they stared hushed whispers, but I ignored them and stood as far from Sue as I could manage. From what I could see she hadn't gotten onto the field herself yet.

Becky was the one who had alerted everyone, so our lateness seemed to really be right on time. Q had to have known it was us that was down at the lake and was making sure we didn't get in trouble.

She couldn't show preferential treatment, but it was so obvious to me that she was, and I was so fucking grateful for it.

The hit had been enough to get me through the drill as we ran through it until sunrise. Sunday was usually our day off due to Figgins guidelines, so Sue had worked us until she couldn't anymore.

I had been thrown into the air so much that I felt dizzy as I followed the crowd of girls into the mess hall. My stomach was growling as I struggled to keep my eyes open, so unlike yesterday, I filled my plate.

"Good girl." Britt growled in my ear and I went rigid but then I looked at her smiling face and knew that she meant it in a completely different way than Marco.

"Would you mind taking my tray while I go the bathroom?" I asked her, and she raised her eyebrow.

"To pee?" She asked, and I rolled my eyes.

"Yes, B, I swear." She bit her lip and then took my tray.

"Be quick, don't linger, the sooner we eat, the quicker we can go to bed." She winked and then walked away.

"You don't deserve her." Q said as she looped her arm through mine.

"What do you want?" I grumbled.

"We're just headed in the same direction, thought I'd check in on you."

I nodded and walked with her into the bathroom. The first sign of an empty stall, I rushed in and locked the door. I could see Quinn's feet on the floor outside the stall and knew that she wasn't going to give me any peace.

So, I peed, while licking my finger and then sticking my damp finger into the baggie. I rubbed the coke on my gums, knowing that she was probably waiting for me to snort but I'm not stupid.

My head was spinning as it soaked into my bloodstream.

"You okay in there?" Q asked as I wiped myself.

"Yup." I growled at her and then flushed the toilet before pushing the door open.

She was trying to look in my eyes, but I didn't look at her. Instead I took my time washing my hands and then shoved my damp hand into my hoodie.

I wrapped my hand around the baggie in one pocket and my phone in the other.

My decision to stay was made harder by Britt and easier by Q...I couldn't exist like this, but Britt was being the person I needed her to be.

I was definitely conflicted.

Q was watching me as I curled against Britt and ate my food with vigor.

"Give it a rest, Q. This isn't the way the help her, she had Marco watching her every move...we have to give her space."

"You don't understand, Britt...if Sue finds out or San overdoses, this will be on us because we could stop it."

I quietly sipped from my coffee and tried to ignore the conversation but when Quinn said I could die I pulled the bag out of my pocket and dropped it on her tray.

"That's all I have, and I want you to know that I plan on taking every bit of it to get through camp. I'm gonna eat, I'm gonna fuck my girl, and hopefully I'm gonna to hang out with my best friend."

She looked down at the bag and then yanked it from the table.

I was about to say something, but her glare told me not to.

"Ladies!" There was Sue strolling into the mess hall, looking just as tired as the rest of us. "If you have been on the squad for two seasons, you get a free day the rest of you maggots will be running laps and getting physicals down at the boy's camp. The bus will be in the parking lot in 10 minutes...let someone else deal with you!"

Quinn looked confused, but Britt was bouncing up and down in her seat.

Sue left us to finish breakfast and I held out my hand to Q. I could tell that she was reluctant to give me the bag back, but she did without another word.

"I'm going to let you two have some time, I think I need some time to myself." Q gave me a long look and then picked up her tray and walked right out of the mess hall with it.

She was probably going off to lick her wounds and think of new ways to torture the girls...and me.

"Wanna go back to bed?" Britt said raising her eyebrows.

I so did but Quinn was upset and there was no way I could enjoy sexy times when she was hurting.

When we left the mess hall, I could see Quinn running the track all on her own, the sun hit her face and I could see the wetness from her tears. To some it might look like sweat but I knew better.

"Should I go talk to her?" I asked B, but she pulled me away.

"No, she needs space. She spent the summer worrying about you and I think right now she's trying to back off."

"But I don't want her to, B. I need her to be on my ass."

"She's not going to make you choose between me and her or between coke and her...not like me."

I froze. "Is that your plan?" I asked.

She shrugged, and I knew that once she had me alone, that was exactly what she was planning to do.

"Nah, B...I think I need to go run."

"What about us?" She asked poking out her lip.

I leaned into her and kissed her lips.

"We are forever, B...we don't need an empty cabin to have sexy times, but we do need our trinity to get through this year."

She hesitated but then she nodded.

"You're right."

"Duh."

I tossed my hoodie to the side where I could keep an eye on it and then I glided onto the track with Britt right beside me.

Quinn was just jogging but when she saw us she picked up speed and then Brittany sailed by us both...once again. Every time I was almost in step with Quinn, she would take off again but I was faster than her, always had been.

So, I pushed myself and was nearly caught up with her when I stumbled. I was on my hands and knees heaving.

The cadence of their footsteps stopped and then they were coming my way.

My body was shaking, and I could hear the concern in their voices as they came closer. Quinn held her hand out to me and I took it. When I was back on my feet, I rested my hand on her shoulder.

"I'm done with the coke...there...is no way you should...be...beating me." I pushed past the shortness of breath and smiled at her.

"You said that before."

"And I lied right now, I fully mean to be done."

They both looked at me with their heads tilted as if they were waiting for something.

"No tell." Britt mumbled.

"I guess she means it." Q said back to her with a smile.

"I'm right here!" I said before slapping Quinn's shoulder and taking off in a run. "Tag you're it!"

"Is she serious?!" Quinn yelled.

We ran around the track until we were all winded. This was a better way to leave things. I had to try to stop, I didn't want to force any more ultimatums.

Marco was right, I needed to suck it up and fight for my life back.

The idea of losing my girls was too much to bear.