Chapter 17: Good morning, Heartache (Billie Holiday)

It was nearing 6am when I finally calmed my nerves enough to enter the house, I was grateful that I had put my car back in the garage and had been driving the old one last night when I had driven to the hospital.

I wasn't supposed to know where the spare was or moving it without Papi's permission. As I sat in my old car, filling it with all my worries, I was happy that Papi had one less thing to beat me for.

Yes, I do know how crazy that statement sounds.

It was really early and despite falling asleep in the tree house and then at the hospital, I was exhausted. When I pushed open the door, I only expected the usual chatter of just my parents, but all the lights were on and there was a buzz of activity. This is not what a house should sound like just after dawn. I took a moment to center myself and then I heard my father's laughter coming from the kitchen which I hoped was a good sign. He didn't laugh when he was drunk or angry. Maybe Mami was just worried that I wasn't in my bed this morning and had invited over a search party.

When I started to make my way into the kitchen, glad that I hadn't been able to find a cigarette if I was going to be surrounded by people, I heard light footsteps coming down the hall, headed straight towards me, I had expected it to be my mother...what I had not expected was for it to be my sister.

"Ana!" My eldest sister Sandra came rushing towards me and wrapped her arms around me as best she could over her swollen belly and I just stood there. "Ew, you smell like stale cigarettes, you should stop."

Last night me and Quinn had smoked a whole pack before our nap and then on the way to the hospital, which meant that Britt had smelled it on me and Rachel had smelled it on her. Oh, how I wished that I could escape to the tree house and smoke one of the butts.

If Sandra was here, something was definitely up.

"Hello to you too, Sandra. This is a crazy surprise, how are you? What are you doing here?"

She stepped back and looked at me up and down.

"Better than you sis" She leaned in and whispered, "Is that a fading black eye?" I smiled at her and nodded.

"You know how it goes...I've had it covered but I rushed out of here to take my friend to the hospital without fixing my face. Oh well. You know how Papi gets."

"Only from stories, I'm afraid that you get a side of Papi I've never seen."

"Lucky me."

She leaned back with a sadness in her eyes and just like that it was gone, a Lopez trait that seemed to work well when holding up walls. Pushing away emotions that fixed nothing. Was I still capable of that?

"It will be better soon."

"I hope so. It's so good to see you, congratulations on the pregnancy. Do you know what it is yet?"

She was beaming.

"A boy."

"That's awesome! I bet the hubs is happy?"

"Very happy...he's already looking at football camps for the kid."

"Can you blame him?"

"Of course, I can. Really, though, sis...I missed you." She kissed my face and then looped her arm through mine and led me into the kitchen where I was further shell shocked. There sat all my sisters and their husbands, talking and laughing like it was 6 in the evening and not 6 in the morning.

My mom was at the stove cooking breakfast and my dad was having a serious conversation with Marco. Wait why was Marco here without coming to find me first, that was always his deal...see me and then them...what alternate universe had I entered?

What the hell?

It wasn't even a holiday, just a regular old Saturday in September and here was half my family sitting in the kitchen like it was normal for them to be here. My head hurt so much, and I just wanted a hit or some sleep, but it seemed that with a billion people in the house, that wouldn't be happening.

Oh joy.

I just wanted to opt out of this family get together and escape to my room and recover from a week that was way too crammed with drama, but I knew better. People hadn't noticed me yet, but I knew that would soon end.

"What's going on?" I asked, causing a hush to fall over the room.

One of my sisters, Celia, stood up beaming.

"Well hey there, baby sister! We are here for you of course."

"Really Ceily, you came all the way from Chicago, just to see me before dawn? Why?"

They all looked at me with matching looks of confusion.

"What are you drunk or something?" Damariz laughed and slapped her husband on the back, laughing to herself.

"I wish." I mumbled, "Seriously though, what do you mean when you say that you came here for me? Is all this because of the scholarship?"

"What scholarship?" Sandra asked.

"Today, I got offered a cheer scholarship from Columbia, full ride."

I was distracted and so was everyone else because just about everyone acted like I had just told them about the weather outside. Sandra, though smiled really wide and leaned against my shoulder. "That's amazing" she said and then Celia came over kissed me on my cheek and whispered in my ear.

"I am so fucking proud of you! Shocked about all this but definitely proud of you."

Sandra kissed my other cheek and then squeezed me tightly.

"So am I." Before she quickly walked back to her husband's side.

Everyone went back to their conversations and I just stood there like a dumbass. I was thrown for a loop and felt like I was being pranked or something.

Marco came over to me and whispered in my ear,

"We need to talk and don't forget to play your part. All eyes are on us." I leaned in and kissed his lips and ran my hands through his hair and clasped them behind his neck.

My sisters were all watching me with looks of pride on their faces with the exception of Sandra. Of all of my sisters, Sandra was the most like me. We were ten years apart and although we never grew up together, when she was around it was like we had some form of ESP, she was the sister that I could trust.

The one I really loved. I looked away from her and back up at Marco

"What's going on my love?" He smirked and lightly grabbed my elbow and led me from the room.

"We'll be right back."

There was some oohhh and ahhs but I didn't even acknowledge them. Once we were alone in my father's study with the door closed his voice turned to ice.

"What kind of fool do you take me for, Princesa?" He was now towering over me trapping me against the desk. I was even more confused now than when we were in the kitchen.

"What the fuck is going on, Marco?"

I was agitated, I had so many emotions swirling around in me today and this was just the fucking icing on the cake.

He clenched his fists but didn't strike me.

"Damage control, my love, I'm just cleaning up the mess that you made. Plain and simple, you fucked up. You have slept with three guys in the four days since I last saw you. It's a small-town Ana. So now you forced me to kill our truce. We are getting married today."

"No!"

He walked over to the door and locked it, then he came back to me and pushed on my shoulders. This was his way of getting me to remember how this relationship worked.

I knelt there with my face in my hands as I cried.

He was petting my head and then I heard his zipper.

"I have something to calm you, Princesa."

I dropped my hands and looked up at him.

"Really? Now?"

"Yes...it's this or you go over my knee...which would you prefer."

I wanted to say neither but I my ass was finally feeling normal and if I did this right it would be quick. So, I gave him a blow job, right there in my father's office where he had beat my ass for being loose just a week ago. When I was finished, he yanked me up by my arm until I was on my feet.

"Please don't make me do this...I'll be a good girl." I wanted to say I swear but now that I knew my tell, I held the words back, thanks Q.

"You brought this on yourself." He whispered into my hair, wrapping his arms around me. "I will be working from Lima and flying out when I need to be in New York and on those days when I'm gone you will be on lock down, no more parties. You will be getting a job, a legit one, like at a law firm or something. I want to know your whereabouts at all times. Oh, and after the ceremony, you are moving into my house in West Lima."

"This can't be the only way, Marco." I looked into his eyes pleading but after spending so much time with him this summer I knew from the look in his eyes that he wasn't going to back down. "Can we at least push it to next week, let me warn Brittany first, please?"

"No, I will not base my decisions on that bitch's feelings. I have court this week and the associate's brunch next Saturday. You remember the brunch, don't you?" he smirked, "If you want me to fly you out I can." I shook my head.

There was no way I wanted to be around for another one of his brunches, after the first one I managed to stay in bed or be out working. Never again would I let him humiliate me like that.

"What about school, McKinley isn't in West Lima's district?"

"You can stay at that school, I have eyes there already."

"So, what, we get married and then I'm supposed to just be your little wife forever more?"

"We are getting married first thing this morning and then we will go home for our honeymoon."

I was so fucking angry and I couldn't show it or I'd be getting married bruised and broken.

"When?"

"At 11, right in this study."

"Can I get some rest at least? I'm really tired."

"Sure, I'd love to go to bed with you, Princesa, what a great idea!"

Of course, he wanted more than a blow job, I should have known. I just wanted things to go back to being simple.

I just wanted Britt.

When we got upstairs, Marco went into the tree house and came out with more coke than I had been able to find. He smiled at me and then locked the door to the room.

"Strip, Princesa."

"Daddy, I'm really tired...please don't make me."

"I don't care for Lima Santana; did you know that?"

"I'm sorry, I'm just so tired."

"I have a fix for that...come over here." I walked to him, losing my clothes the closer I got to him, knowing it would keep him civil. "Good girl."

I watched him do a line off my AP French book and then he made three more beautiful lines. The coke looked so pure as he made the lines so perfect before he took a step back and glared at me.

"I'm done with that." I said, but then he raised his hand up, ready to strike me. That was the last thing that I wanted so I quickly did three lines and stood there clutching the desk to steady myself. "Fuck." I groaned, feeling my headache finally disappear along with my exhaustion. I was immediately awake and felt that unwavering need to climb all over Marco. He laughed at my lustful gaze and then caressed my face.

"There's my girl." He muttered. "Come on and get what you've been missing, Princesa. Show me how quiet you can be, wouldn't want any interruptions."

"Yes, Daddy." Was the last sound I made as he bent me over my desk pressed my face to the last remnants of coke and without hesitation this time, I snorted.

When I let out a sigh he slid inside me and then proceeded to fuck me on every surface that he could before he made me get myself off while he watched. The whole time he talked dirty to me about Brittany and it was getting me more wound up.

How had I ended up this depraved?

When he was ready again, he fucked me some more before he dragged me into the shower. My family was still shuffling downstairs but not one had come up to check on me. I had been quiet while he used me up and he rewarded me with gentle kisses and touches. It made me confused and frustrated. I couldn't hate him when he was kind and maybe that was his point. He wanted me to marry him without anger and the more he made me love him, the more likely I would cooperate.

I just wanted my family to think we were sleeping and the lack of interruption told me that if they heard anything, they were all ignoring any sounds they heard and a part of me I wished that they wouldn't. I needed help but it seemed that no one cared anymore.

After the shower, Marco made me snort some more, this time on my own. He said he needed to be clear headed but it didn't matter if I was. The exhaustion had started to take me down again until I filled my nose with more of the good stuff. I could feel myself losing control more and more.

My body it seemed, was happy to be back on drugs and my brain didn't seem to mind that I was back to being zoned out.

There was no time for a nap after the shower, instead he was rubbing my body down with lotion and kissing me skin like it was precious to him, we both knew that was a lie but the coke made me want him.

So, I did.

There were no hallucinations of Brittany as I got dressed in one of my old white glee dresses, something that looked wedding-esque because Marco wanted me to look like a wife and not like I was in mourning.

The black dress I chose was apparently unacceptable, I didn't want to sensationalize this wedding but it seemed that I didn't have to worry about doing that, everyone else would do it for me.

My sisters (except Sandra) all stood around crying like idiots. The whole process started at 11 am and was over just 15 minutes later. I had muddled through, not wanting to fight and mooning over my father's look of approval.

He didn't have to worry about me anymore, I hadn't married a woman. I was now Mrs. Vega, no longer his responsibility and he looked relieved.

After we said I do, we signed the marriage certificate, Celia took some pictures and we had a big lunch. Everyone talked excitedly as Marco gripped the fuck out of my thigh underneath the table as if I'd run but I was high and therefore his. He kept leaning over and nibbling on my ear before whispering gentle threats to keep me smiling, behaving.

Papi was beaming the whole morning, happy to be rid of his problem child. He even rented a truck to pack all my stuff into. My sisters were all too happy to help me pack all my clothes. The exhaustion was in my bones as we packed but then Marco pulled me into the bathroom to hoots and snickers from my sisters as he made me snort some more before fingering me against the door.

The tears that I felt building didn't come, just an orgasm that ended in me letting out a grunt and he seemed displeased that I had made that one single sound.

"Sorry, Daddy." I whispered.

"Keep smiling, Princesa and I'll let it pass."

I smiled at him genuinely, thinking only of slitting his fucking pretty throat and watching him bleed to death. If I had glanced in the mirror, I would have seen that crazy look in my eyes that I got when I was over it all. He either was freaked out by it or thought it amusing because he just smiled at me and pushed me back into my bedroom to finish packing.

I couldn't stop the tears that came when I stood in my empty bedroom, remembering all the time that I had spent in there with Brittany.

Even when Marco was here, I had memories to zone out to but now I was going to his place, a place that Britt had never been...there would be no memories of her there and it hurt me so deeply that I was fighting tears as it emptied out around me. With the help of all my brother-in-laws, I was moved into the West Lima house nearly two hours after I said, 'I do'.

Death couldn't come soon enough when everyone was gone and it was just me and Marco.

"So, Senora Vega, what do you want to do first?"

"Sleep." I said, "Please?" I begged and he nodded

"Fine, I will get some work done while you rest and when you wake up, we will continue our honeymoon."

"Okay, Daddy-o." I said, too tired to argue.

His rings felt heavy on my finger and I just wanted to cut the finger off. I cried into his silk sheets that smelled nothing of Brittany or Q...just all Marco. It was like being back in New York, only I was in Lima...with no escape.

There was no going to the Fabray's to get away anymore, I had a home with my husband and he had proven that there was no escaping him. My eyes closed and without anything to fight with, I fell into a fitful sleep and then true to his word, the moment I was awake, Marco was practically shoveling coke into my nose before fucking me.

He didn't want me to be quiet anymore, for the first time in forever, he wanted to hear me sing to him but I couldn't moan for him. I wouldn't give into his demands. He was being kind and I couldn't let myself get used to him like that, I didn't want to be lulled into a false sense of security. I wanted him to be the monster that he was so I denied him until he snapped.

It was no surprise when finally, I ended up over his knee when I wouldn't blow him and he spanked me until I came. He made sure that I'd feel his slaps whenever I sat down of closed my legs. I let him have me after that, not wanting to push him to kill me.

When I was finally willing, he stopped giving me coke and just fucked me sober. I didn't cry anymore, I just egged him on until he was spent. We passed out sometime near dawn and slept for most of Sunday, waking up to snort and fuck just like back in New York.

By Sunday night, I was so blitzed out that I was blacking out and Marco told me no more coke until after school the next day. The last thing he wanted was me to get so hooked that I stopped eating again. There were more eyes on us here and so he ignored me as I cried about it and he fucked me to sleep.

This was my new normal and it seemed that only a miracle could change it.

Marco woke me up early Monday morning with breakfast and coffee. He was completely dressed in an expensive suit, seemingly satisfied with the amount of sex we'd had for nearly two days straight, thankfully. I could tell he had showered and hadn't bothered to force me into anything, the ring on his finger had done more than enough to ensure that I was his without him having to work for it.

Despite all me bullshit, I was still a good Catholic and we had been married by a priest. I had taken vows and even though I wanted to kill him, I would honor the vow I took to God. I just didn't feel like I needed to tell him just how much control he really had.

He needed to see me resist still, I didn't want him to think he could just bulldoze over me like before. If I was his, then he was mine and Mami always said, that you should train your man. He had something I wanted, coke, and I had something he wanted...all of me. If that's what he wanted then I was going to have to manipulate right back.

I just hadn't figured out just how I was going to play my hand next. I looked down at the food in front of me and resisted the urge to shove it to the floor. He had been watching me watch my food and finally came close enough to wrench my chin up so that I was looking up at him.

"I'm not going to see you looking skinny again because of the blow, eat all of that while I pack. I want to see a clean plate or else."

"Yes, Daddy-o." I said as I nibbled on a piece of toast.

"Now, I'll be gone until Sunday, I don't want to hear about any fucking up. You have all the coke you could want but only after school...none of that in school shit like the other day."

I could feel my eyes go wide, he knew?

"That was a mistake...I haven't since."

"Good girl, I don't want Brittany or any guys here."

"What about Quinn or Rachel?"

"They're fine but only them and no overnights."

"Okay."

"No more than a baggie of coke a day...I have counted them so don't get slick."

"Okay."

"And...I have a surprise for you." I had finished off my toast and was picking at my fruit when I heard a jingle. When I looked up he was dangling the keys to my new car. "Your dad gave you the car back. He dropped it off last night. I'll be driving your old car when I'm here and since McKinley is further away, you can drive the new car to school every day."

I happily ate after that and then he made the bed as I got showered and then he watched me as I got dressed. His eyes never leaving me.

Finally, dressed in an outfit he approved of, he pulled me into his arms and kissed me sweetly but then I nipped at his lip.

"You're so lucky I need to get to the airport and you need to get to school."

"Am I?" I raised an eyebrow and he shoved his hand down the front of my jeans and shoved his fingers inside of me before twisting my clit until I came with my face pressed against his shirt.

"Good girl. Let's get moving and behave. Yes?"

"Yes." I whimpered.

We sat in the driveway, side by side, his face made of stone as he waited for me to pull out first before he followed me all the way to school, waited until I parked and then didn't pull away until I went inside. My body was sore and my head was beginning to hurt with no morning pick me up after nearly two days on a bender.

Today was going to be especially hard based on a hangover alone but add to that my new ring and last name, I knew I'd have some explaining to do before it got on the Lima gossip circuit.

I stood just inside the school door as I watched Marco pull away, feeling a little freer knowing that I wouldn't see him for a full week.

There was a new set of rules governing my life and the wedding band made that even more apparent but there was also a small measure of freedom that I hadn't had before. It was unnerving that I was now a married woman. I looked at my ring and shuddered, knowing that my future was no longer mine but his. I wanted to take the ring off so badly but Marco had eyes everywhere and I knew that I would forget to put it back on and I would be in a world of trouble. My engagement ring had been off since last week but now it was snugly on, there would be no ignoring my status as a taken woman.

Which was just what he wanted.

I headed to my locker trying to make it to first period before the warning bell, I really didn't want to run into anyone and I thought that I was in the clear as I closed my locker and turned to walk just across the hall to AP Math but there was the trouble of having a locker next to your sort of ex-girlfriend and that's avoiding her is significantly hard first thing in the morning.

Britt and Finn were walking hand in hand in my direction and I wanted badly for the floor to open up and swallow me but instead they both had these zombie like blank faces as they approached me. I thought they had noticed my ring but then like a speeding train it hit me, they were coming to talk to me about Friday night. So much had happened since then that I had completely forgotten.

Selfish, much?

"Hey San." Britt said with a half-smile, she seemed happy in whatever situation she was having with jolly green.

"Hey B, what's up? How did everything go at the hospital after I left?"

"They caught the guys that did it. Rachel's one dad is coping okay but the other one, they don't know if he is going to make it."

"Shit. How's Rachel handling it?"

"She uh…she's not good. She is still at the hospital."

"Wow. Her dads are the greatest. That breaks my heart."

"I didn't know you had one." Finn muttered and I just ignored him and looked at B, "Well thanks for the update, I need to get to class and so do you B, your class is on the other side of the school in like 5 minutes."

"Yea, I know. I just wanted to tell you about it since you haven't responded to any text messages. I figured that you just didn't have your phone. "

"Um…I actually don't know where I left it. It might be in my car. Thanks."

It hadn't occurred to me that morning to grab my phone, it seemed to have disappeared sometime around my wedding.

How convenient.

I walked away from them as fast as I could and even though I could feel Britt staring holes into my back I just couldn't allow myself to turn around. She seemed cozy with Finn and if that is where she was happy, then I was going to be her number one fan. I wasn't going to let this get to me like it did with Wheels.

I sat in the back of my AP Math bored out of my mind when Quinn walked in about twenty minutes late and sat beside me.

"What did I miss?" She asked with a scratchy voice.

"My wedding." I mumbled under my breath.

I didn't mean to say it but it slipped before I could stop it.

"What?" she said a little too loudly.

The teacher glared and we both apologized. I showed her the new ring that sat snug against my engagement ring.

"I got home and all the Lopez sisters were there. Marco found out about Noah, Azimio, and I guess Perkins…I'm still not sure about that one…anyway he decided the way to fix me was to marry me outright. I moved to West Lima on Saturday. Oh, and I can't sleep over anymore."

Quinn looked pale as she sat there staring blankly at her textbook.

"Fucking, Marco Vega." She muttered.

"That's my husband you're talking about there Fabray." I muttered bitterly.

"Yea, well fuck Marco Vega." She said a little louder.

And that's just what I did.

I missed glee because he didn't like that it was after hours and had already told me to go straight home. When I stepped into the parking lot, instead of going to glee club there he sat in his car, waiting for me. I nearly ran back inside but instead I climbed into my car and followed him home. Apparently, he couldn't get a flight out, until the next morning and was taking it as a sign that we needed more time together so I spent the rest of the afternoon on my back, bent over furniture, or on counter tops.

Marco wanted to christen every room in the house and he wanted to do it before he left in the morning. After I made dinner he had me blow him for dessert and then we did lines together curled up on the couch watching jeopardy.

This was my fucked-up life now and I still couldn't find my phone. I looked up at my husband and ran my hand across his face.

"Have you seen my phone? I haven't seen it and I don't know how you'll keep in touch with me when you leave." I said, trying to seem almost disinterested.

"You'll have it tomorrow morning. Let's have a nightcap before we get to bed...no coke this time."

I was so tired but I wouldn't argue.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yes, Daddy."

"Good wife."

I hated how blow made me act around this man, it made me forget the hatred and only show him love but he loved me this way and so I knew that he would slowly send me spiraling back down to a dark place.

What was worse was that as he fucked me into the sheets that night, I was sober and I didn't feel an ounce of pain.

It was all pleasure and it made me hate myself even more.