Chapter 18: Sorry (Justin Bieber)

I passed out before Marco finished with me, I was so exhausted that I didn't care what he did as long as he was gentle and let me sleep.

Which he did, thankfully.

I woke up on Tuesday morning, sore all over but grateful that there wasn't even a hint of a new bruise on my body. His alarm was beeping nonstop and when I turned to wake him, I saw that he wasn't there. It was 3 am and this man was already in the shower getting ready. I knew he probably hadn't even gone to sleep...it seemed that insomnia was the side effect that coke left him with. It also occurred to me that his lack of sleep was what was probably making him into a lunatic.

The shower was going and there was some coke residue on his nightstand, I turned off his alarm and finally got out of the bed. Against my better judgment, I snorted the line that he left on the counter in the bathroom, before climbing into the shower with him.

He wiped at my nose and then kissed me hard. There was no time for fucking but he didn't seem to care about that, he took me up against the wall while he sucked on my neck.

Marking me yet again before leaving me to clean off. When he was gone, I stood there and enjoyed what was left of the hot water. My eyes could barely stay open since it was really the middle of the night but I washed my body twice before the water ran cold. There was no time to do my makeup so I just grabbed my bag and rushed through getting dressed.

When I got to the room, he was in his suit brushing his beard as he talked to himself. Seeing him this way made me want to see him arguing in court.

I already knew how persuasive he was but looking like this, God he could really sell fire in hell and then that gave me a thought.

"Daddy-o...would you mind if we took Quinn for the drive to the airport? I'm really tired and could use some company for the hour drive back to school."

He looked at me up and down then nodded.

"And change your shirt, I love seeing your nipples hard but those putos at your school don't need to."

"All my shirts are tight." I explained and he pulled out an old Columbia t shirt and tossed it to me.

"Wear that. Go wake up Quinn and then we really need to get a move on."

"Thanks, Daddy-o." I started to walk away but then his words chilled me.

"Oh, and Princesa?"

I turned partially to him with a smile, "Yes?"

"Don't think that because I'll be gone all week that I won't know what you're up to, I will not hesitate to get on a plane just to whoop your ass, got it?"

I nodded.

"Yes."

"Good girl. Your phone is in the desk drawer in my office."

I kissed his cheek and then tried not to look too excited as I left the room in search of my phone.

When I got to his office, I found my phone turned off right where he said it would be. I turned my phone back on and was shocked to see that I had zero messages or calls which seemed odd.

Had he been going through my phone?

I took the time to change my passcode to a face id and then I called Q but didn't get an answer. It was almost 4am so I wasn't surprised so I texted her and the response was immediate.

Hey Q, you awake?-S

I am now.-Q

I need a favor.-S

I figured. U don't normally text me 4 am! What do u need?-Q

I need you to ride with me to Dayton & drop Marco off. Don't want to drive back alone.-S

When?-Q

Now.-S

Fuck! Okay. I'm getting dressed now.-Q

I owe you one! I will be there in 15 mins.-S

Fuck! Ok. See ya in 15-Q

Marco loaded his bag into the trunk of the car and then settled into the driver seat.

I sat next to him and turned on the seat warmers to soothe the ache in my bottom half.

"Here." He said and I looked up at him, he was peeling bills out of money clip. "I know you have your own money but I want to make sure you are okay. $500 is enough for the week, yes?" I nodded surprised that he was just handing me this much money like nothing. "Also, there should be enough in here for a few days." He handed me a velvet bag and I slid it into my pocket without even looking inside, "That should be enough until I'm back, remember only a line in the morning if you must, otherwise only at night after your homework. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Did you talk to Lucy; can she ride back with you?" I nodded.

"Yea, we are going to pick her up on the way." I mumbled.

"You're a little off this morning, I saw you had a line...usually that gets you going, are you okay?"

I looked at him and could see that his concern was genuine, it threw me but I knew I shouldn't just shrug him off. If he was asking it meant that I was being different enough to grab his attention.

"Just tired, Daddy-o. You wore me out last night and this morning, one line wasn't enough for all that action."

Men are so easy to bait. His smile went from ear to ear. I was hoping that if I kept him in a good mood he wouldn't antagonize Quinn which had always been one of his favorite hobbies. When we pulled up to the Fabray's, Quinn stood on the sidewalk in her Cheerios uniform, her book bag dangling from her fingers, looking half asleep.

She gave us both a short greeting and then proceeded to curl up in the back seat and go back to sleep, using her backpack as a pillow.

"She grew into quite a looker, I bet she would have made a boatload in the city. After having that baby, I bet she's hormonal all the time...I wish I had just one shot to get at that." Marco said after glancing back at her one too many times.

Every protective instinct in my body went up and I put my hand on his crotch rubbing him.

"Don't even think about it." I said giving him a possessive squeeze. He looked over at me and then put his hand over mine.

"Leave that there for the rest of the ride and I won't get so distracted."

I glanced back at a sleeping Q and kept my hand right where it was, not wanting him to get any fucking ideas.

She was untouchable and I would lay down with 100 men to keep her safe. The rest of the ride was quiet, I fell asleep halfway through it myself and didn't wake up until Marco parked.

After an hour with my hand on his bulge, he was showing a tent and he made it a point to stick his tongue down my throat before leaving for his gate.

He growled next to my ear as we stood in the passenger drop off, "You're so lucky I don't have time to fuck you right here in front of everyone." then he rubbed that spot on my neck and I moaned.

Someone beeped at us and he snickered before kissing me once more. He waved at Q and then we waited until he was inside.

"I'm so glad he's gone. Fucking Marco." Quinn said as we climbed back into the car.

"Hey fucking Marco just gave me a $500 cash the rest of the week."

"Great that turd can buy me breakfast!"

I made Q drive after spending the last hour distracting Marco from her, I couldn't even keep my eyes open. With me asleep, Q turned up the music and sang as she drove a respectable speed back to Lima. Even with her driving like a grandma, we got back to Lima with an hour to spare before school started, so we decided to head over to We Lime Bistro and have breakfast.

"So, I couldn't help but notice that you only told me about being married, are you going to tell other people before it becomes the newest gossip?"

"By people, you either mean the whole glee club or Britt...either way I don't think it will be an easy secret to keep."

"So, you'll tell her then?"

"I don't know, I just can't take her hurt faces anymore. I know I'm fucked, I don't need her to make me feel even worse about it."

"She just worried about you."

"I know."

"Has he hit you or anything?"

"No, a few threats but no bruises. However, he has pressured me to do other things and that is partially why I needed you to drive back."

"More coke? Seriously? I thought you were going to try, San!"

"You don't think I have? Marco likes me high and its snort or get beat. I don't know about you but I don't miss getting beat down every time I so much as breathe too loud."

"Me either, I just wish there was a way for you to stop."

I nodded and then went back to moving my food around my plate. My appetite hadn't been the best, the stress has been making eating a struggle but I knew that Quinn was always watching out for the way I ate, so I forced down what I could.

"But there isn't."

"You can't just let this happen, San. Tell him that you will get kicked off the track team."

"He used to run track, he knows that Coach Sumner is really lenient."

"Sorry to break it to you babe but after both you and Puck both getting suspended all the coaches have banded together for mandatory drug testing and now Figgins is petitioning the school board to make it district wide. In the meantime, the tests are voluntary but word is that if you refuse you will get cut from the team."

"You're fucking kidding me, right?"

"Nope. So, either find a way to convince your new husband to cut the bullshit or say goodbye to that Letterman jacket."

"I think it might just be easier to quit track, Q, you know how Marco is and me making decisions for myself is not high up on his list of priorities."

"Then you need to out lawyer him, consider it practice. No good can come of this. Did he leave you with anything?"

"Of course, he did, not a lot but enough to get through the week."

"Where is it?"

"In my pocket."

"Hand it over." She said reaching her hand towards me palm spread open.

"I can't."

"San..." There was a warning in her tone but I didn't budge, "Fine you like ultimatums, right? Give it over or I will tell Sandra, I know she's still in town."

"You wouldn't!"

"Go ahead and call my bluff."

"I can't give this to you Q. I'm way more scared of Marco than I am of you or any of my sisters because at the end of the day I go home to him all alone and nobody can save me from that."

I knew I sounded defeated and weak but I needed to make her see that this wasn't just fire she was playing with, it was my life.

"Fine, okay I won't take it. Are you going to use it?"

"I don't know. I'm not even craving it or anything so that's good right? I mean do I look like a crackhead?"

"Not yet."

We got back in the car, me feeling attacked and her pissed at my denial. She was at the wheel again while I did my makeup and it only took her a minute to pick up our conversation.

"So, what will you do while he's gone?"

"Well, today we have our Country Music Week performances so that's exciting and the rest of the week, I'll just be hanging at home. Did you want to come over for dinner?" I asked, wanting to smooth things over with her.

"I'd like that...maybe we can invite Britt and Rachel if she's up for it."

"There's no way Britt's going to come over without Finn."

"If I tell her I don't want him there, then she'll listen."

"And you think she'd come?"

"I do."

"Great, I usually see her at our lockers in the morning so I'll see if she wants to come, you can ask Rachel...let's do it tonight."

"Sounds like a plan." She said as we parked next to Britt's pink dirt bike. "You don't think she drove him here on that bike, do you?"

"Oh God, I'd pay to see that!"

"Me too."

I pulled the little velvet bag out of my pocket and put it in the glove box before climbing out of the car.

Leaving the drugs had been a split-second decision but it was enough to give Quinn some hope. Before we parted ways, she wrapped me in her arms so tight.

"I love you so much."

"Thanks, Q. I love you too, can you not do this here, the last thing I need is yet another rumor."

She let me go and then looked around the semi-deserted parking lot. The only people in school this early were the Cheerios and the janitors but she got my point.

"Have a good morning, I'll see you in class."

"Run those bitches like crazy, Q."

She winked at me and then headed towards the field, probably super prepared to make the Cheerios pay for me waking her up before dawn and I was not sorry about it.

I spent the morning in the library, finishing my homework and taking a nap before the first bell. My head was hurting when what was left of my morning line buzz wore off. So even though my first period was across from the library, I headed down a flight of stairs to my locker.

After downing whatever pills, I could find, I tried to head back upstairs sight unseen but luck wasn't on my side, there was no side-stepping Britt, again.

"Hey Santana."

I know it's my fucking name but I hate when she uses it, her usage of it always means she has put us back into the 'just friends' category or that she is pissed about something I did.

"Hey B." I said enthusiastically while I leaned against my locker, trying to ignore my pounding head and the fact that she was looking at me sadly, yet again.

"My mom told me last night about your wedding."

I froze.

There isn't exactly a guide in what to do in these situations. I rubbed my sweaty palms on my jeans and then stood to my full height, trying to find some courage to apologize. She should have heard it from me but when I looked at her, the words got stuck. Her eyes were a bit bloodshot and she looked like she was trying to stop new tears from springing up.

She didn't want any more apologies so I tried a different way.

"Yea, I was hoping to be the one...I just wish that I had been given the chance to tell you. I'm-"

"Yea I know, you're sorry."

"No...I'm stuck in this shit show for now and I just want you to know that you'll always be my person, B. That hasn't changed but I'll understand if you don't want to talk to me ever again."

"I wouldn't be standing here talking to you if that was my plan, Santana." Again, with the full name.

"Then what was your plan, Brittany." she flinched, she apparently doesn't like that full name shit either.

"I thought about it all night. I can either kill Marco and kidnap you or I can let Finn make us official."

"Wow. So, um soon?"

"You're one to talk."

"I deserved that one. Look, he's gone for the week and I was hoping you'd come over for dinner tonight. Quinn will be there and she is inviting Rachel, I just feel like you and I need to really talk. I feel so disconnected from you. I know most of that is on me and trust me I'm being punished for it; this whole marriage is Marco retaliating because I slept with those guys."

"That was your own damn fault, you never learn, it was still your choice to stand there and say I do."

"I had no choice B."

"There is always a choice you just always seem to choose the wrong one."

She turned around and started to walk away from me but I hooked my finger in the back of her skirt and pulled her towards me. I wrapped my arms around her waist and rested my head against her shoulder, not caring who saw us.

"Please come, B. I know I can't control you or tell you what to do, I'm just asking you to please come to dinner...have some girl time with me and Q. Let me prove to you that I'm still me."

She whimpered but didn't fight me holding her.

"What does it matter if you're still with him?"

"There's no way I stay married to him forever, B. He'll get tired of me, I know he will and when the time is right I'll divorce him."

"Even if you do, who says I want to be with you?"

I sighed and dropped my arms. She spun around and pinned me with that ice-cold stare, waiting for my answer.

"Even then, you'll still be my person. I'll still love you most."

She bit her lip as the tears came, her whole face turning bright pink.

"I'm still going to be with Finn...even if I come tonight."

"Okay. That's fine." I said, not caring about jolly green, now or ever.

"And I won't stay over."

"It's a school night, I get that...just come...please?"

"I need to think about it."

"Okay," The warning bell rang and she started to back up, I smiled at her and said, "Have a great day, Britt Britt. I love you."

She looked like she was in pain as she reached out and squeezed my pinky with her own.

"I love you too."

I stood there staring long after she turned the corner knowing that my walls were crumbling fast. Once again Marco had anticipated my distress, he gave me a cure, his medicine but I couldn't resort to getting high...not now. There was no way that B and I could fix things if I spent the day high, no matter how badly I wanted to.

My head continued to pound through AP French and then Trigonometry. I felt dizzy and nauseous but I had to push through. This was just what coming down felt like lately and I knew that I needed to get this shit under control or I'd have more than just Quinn in my face.

By third period, I was vomiting in the bathroom and needing this to end. It was then that I realized that Quinn had my car keys and I would need to get them from her just to make it through the day. I had my chance just before lunch when she was leaving the gym, her hair was damp from a shower and she looked refreshed after probably running more drills with the Cheerios.

"Hey, Q." I said and she immediately looked concerned.

She pulled me into the locker room and then demanded that everyone leave. When we were alone, I sat on a bench and closed my eyes.

"What's wrong?"

"I need my car keys." I said and then looked at her, giving my best pout.

"Why?"

"I've been sick all morning, Q...I need a hit...please?"

She bit her lip and then pressed her hand to my forehead. I knew that I felt clammy and that I was pale.

"Just one?"

"Yes...please?"

"If I do this, you can't tell anyone...especially not Britt or Rachel."

"I promise you that I won't."

"Okay, I'll let Rachel know that I'm going to do a Lima Bean lunch run and grab Sue her regular so we can use this as permission to leave campus. Come on."

I followed Quinn out of the school, feeling inferior in my regular clothes as she strutted in her uniform and then my heart nearly beat out of my chest as Brittany fell in step with her. This wasn't one of our unholy trinity walks, what was she doing?

"Where are you two going?" B asked and Quinn kept her eyes forward knowing that B would be able to see the lie on her face.

"I'm doing a lunch run to Lima Bean, I don't have my car so San is taking me. Did you want anything?"

"Uh...am I not invited?"

"No, B...they only let two people off campus for Cheerio runs, you know that."

"Well then let Santana stay, she's not a Cheerio anymore."

"Yes, B but it's her car."

"Fine, get me a turkey panini then."

I pulled up my notes app and put in Britt's order with a heart next to it.

"Anything else, Britt Britt." I said, trying to be cheerful.

"Surprise me." She looked at me for a long moment and then winked. She'd been checking my eyes...now I knew that I needed to avoid her when we got back.

If she knew I was high, she wouldn't come tonight and that would be unacceptable.

We went to the Lima Bean first and grabbed lunch for Rachel, Britt, and Sue. I was still nauseous so I didn't even pretend to need food but conceded to a smoothie when Quinn insisted and then I pulled out more Marco money and paid for the whole thing. Quinn said it was only fair that he pays since this was all because of the coke he got me hooked on.

After that she drove through the back roads that were just corn fields for miles.

"Do what you have to do." She finally said as we parked in a deserted field.

I pulled the velvet bag out of the glove box, my hands shaking and made one fat line on my dashboard.

My lips felt dry so I licked them and then Quinn sucked her teeth.

"Thanks for this, Q." I said to her and she wouldn't even look at me, she just looked out the window at the fields of wheat blowing in the wind.

I rolled up one of the bills Marco had given me and then quickly snorted the whole line and any residue it left behind.

When I was done I sat there, head back and let the high take me.

My headache calmed down to a dull roar and I was finally able to open my eyes.

When I looked over at Q, she was holding out a tissue.

"Your nose." She said and I took it and wiped.

A dot of blood colored the tissue but the bleed wasn't as bad as it has been.

"I'm sorry."

"You can't live like this. I can't watch you become more and more addicted...I'm going to hold onto your keys until tonight...if you want Britt back, you can't be high tonight. She'll know."

"Okay."

"If you get sick, then you get sick and she'll be happy to know you'd rather be sick then high. This can't become a habit for me and you. Got it?"

"Okay, Q, I get it."

"Good. Let's get back."

Thanks to Q making an excuse to Britt, I was able to have my smoothie in the library while I studied for the last period of my day.

She was allowing me to have the highest of my high in seclusion and I appreciated it. I hated how much control the drugs have over me, sitting there during lunch by myself made me feel that I kept on this way, my senior year would pass me by. Lunch was almost over when my phone rang. I got one look from the librarian and knew to step into the hall. I left my stuff on the table and went into the deserted hallway to answer.

"Yes." I said trying to be hushed.

"Is that how you address me, Princesa?"

"Sorry. Hi Daddy-o." I mumbled.

"Good girl."

"Is everything okay?"

"That depends on you, Princesa."

"Okay?"

"Why did you leave school today?"

How the fuck had he found out so quickly?

"I wasn't feeling okay, I had left the coke in the car and I didn't want to take a hit on school property."

"What did I say about coke during the school day?"

"Not to."

"That's enough for today, you hear me. I only need you flying high when I'm there to fuck you. I know how horny you get. You have fucked way too many people in that school to be walking around horny during the day."

"I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

"Good, I'll deal with your punishment when I get home."

"Please don't, Daddy...I'll do anything." People were starting to fill the hallways and I as very aware that I was preparing to grovel in public.

"Anything?"

"Yes."

Quinn was walking towards me with Britt by her side and I dropped my eyes.

"Great, I'll keep that in mind. You need to get to class, Princesa. I love you." I was quiet as Britt came into ear shot. "Princesa?"

"I love you too."

"What's my name?"

"Daddy."

"Good girl."

He hung up on me and I rested back against the wall trying to bite back the tears that wouldn't stop coming. Quinn was wiping at my face and when I opened my eyes I could see the sadness in Britt's eyes.

"Did I hear you right?" Britt asked me, looking confused that I would call anyone Daddy but her...something that she liked when she was strapped up.

God how I missed that...missed her.

"Yes...he makes me."

"You're only supposed to call me that." She glanced at Quinn and then me.

"I know, I try to get around it, I call him Daddy-o but at some moments he thinks I'm mocking him. I wish it was you, B. Always you."

"Can you give us a sec, Q?"

"Yeah, don't forget your test San. I'll see you at the car after."

"Okay, Q."

Britt pulled me back into the library, away from any prying ears and brushed her hand over the side of my face.

"You're my person too, Ana. Always."

"Really?" Marco was right, with the coke still in my system I was practically creaming my pants when she touched me.

"Yes." She was looking in my eyes now and I knew she saw what I saw when I was looking at Marco, seeing if he was all there or if he had something in him. She dipped her head next to mine, her lips grazing my ear.

"I miss fucking you, I miss you wrapped around me and calling me Daddy." She was growling now, "How dare you call someone else by my name."

"I'm sorry." I was leaning into her now, forgetting myself as I moaned. "I'm still yours, B."

"Not yet but you will be. I can only take this for so long."

"I'm sorry." She was rubbing my arms as she pressed against me. I could hear Marco's words echoing about how horny I get on blow and knew that his insecurity was valid because me being high in the same building as the love my life was definitely a threat to him.

"It needs to end. You know, that right?"

"Huh?"

"The coke, the marriage, and the lies."

"I know, B and I want all that."

"Will it just be us and Quinn tonight?"

"Yessss." I said as she sucked my earlobe into her mouth.

The warning bell sounded and she chuckled before pulling away and looking me in my eyes again.

"To be continued, maybe we can get some time alone tonight when Q leaves."

"I can't have sleepovers."

"We won't be sleeping." She growled.

I stood there, soaking my panties as she twirled in that fucking Cheerio skirt and left me scrambling to get my things as the class bell sounded. Britt had me completely flustered.

What the fuck just happened?