Chapter 21: You're Lost, Little Girl (The Doors)

When I got back to the house, I spent my time cleaning it from top to bottom, trying to work through the nerves that were making me shake. I had set an alarm so that I would have enough time to drive the hour to Fort Wayne but even with that preparation, I still didn't get to the airport until almost 5, nearly a full hour after he told me to be there.

Marco kept calling me, but I kept sending him to voicemail, too chickenshit to answer his call.

Once I was headed down the separate road for the private runway, I decided to return his call because at this point it was unavoidable.

"Hey, I-" I began but he cut me off.

"Where are you?"

"I'm pulling up to the gate now, do I need some kind of code or something?"

"Just show them your license, your name is already on the list...I'll be waiting on the other side of the gate."

"Okay, I'm really sor-" I started to say but he hung up.

When I got to the gate, I pulled my license out of my wallet and waited for the guard. He smiled at me and I tried to smile back but it probably came out as more of a grimace. Once he checked my license, he waved me through and sure enough, there stood Marco with that look in his eyes.

He walked over to the driver side and opened the door.

"I'll drive us to the plane."

"OK." I said, climbing over the console and sliding into the passenger seat. Before I was fully sitting, the car was already in motion. "Shit." I grumbled.

Once I was sitting fully, his hand clamped down on my bare thigh. I had chosen to wear a summer dress since it was still relatively warm outside but from the looks of it, he didn't like it.

"This dress is too short and kind of tight."

"I'm sorry, I feel bloated and this was the only thing that was comfortable." In reality, it was the first thing I saw, and I was in a rush. He lifted his hand and put it back on the wheel.

"You sound off again...what is it?" He asked, anger morphing into concern before my very eyes.

"I took your advice, I'm trying to slow down with the blow, that combined with me being nervous about coming here...feeling scared that you were going to beat my ass, hell yes, I feel off." I don't know what gave me the courage to be honest with Marco but for the first time he seemed to appreciate it.

"Are you guilty about something?" He asked, and I looked away from him, admiring the planes and helicopters that dotted the landscape.

"No, I swear." That slipped out and from the tick in his jaw, I could tell that he too knew that was my tell.

"I know you had sex with her, I'm surprised it took so long for the guilt to show."

"Marco...I...I don't know what to say."

"Look, I know that you're gay. I know that you love her. I get it. I'm more upset about you making out with her in public than I am about you going behind closed doors to fuck her."

"Because I embarrassed you."

"Exactly and you'll have to pay for that, just not now."

"You mean you weren't bringing me here to fuck your client?" Relief washed over me.

"No, he's Mormon, I told you that. The escorting is over, who you fuck is your business as long as you're discreet about it."

"Why didn't you just say that I could still screw her and why did you beat my ass over fucking her during camp?"

"That was just playing around, Anita."

"Well it didn't feel like it."

"Did you bruise? Could you still walk?"

"I was fine."

"Exactly...you were dripping wet afterwards."

"Okay fine then why did you tell me to come here alone?"

"Because, this is a controlled situation, he trusts married men. He wanted to make sure that my wife wasn't just fabricated to win his business."

"So, you flew here to show him that I exist?"

"Exactly and you came wearing that, so when we get out of this car, you will pretend to be cold and I will do the chivalrous thing and give you my jacket. Got it?"

"Okay, I can do that. Tell me though, what's the catch...what do I get out of it?"

"You get me letting go of the shit you pulled this week."

"All of it?"

"Most of it."

"Okay."

"And you'll pour on the charm, we are just going to have a quick bite to eat and then you can go home without a sore ass."

As we pulled up to the plane, I unbuckled myself and reached behind the driver seat for a bag.

"Speaking of home, I brought you food from Sandra."

I handed him a mini cooler and he looked at me with bright eyes.

"Even better, he'll love that my little wife brought me food."

It was just like Marco said, we sat down on the plane together and had dinner, I played the part of doting wife and then it all changed. Marco flipped the switch after I started texting Britt to let her know I was okay. They were all talking and ignoring me, so I thought it was safe, but I should have known better.

"You know I've never seen the inside of this airport, my wife likes those magnets with places names on them...can we take a walk through the terminal?" The client said and immediately, Marco chimed in.

"Absolutely, Mr. Evans would you mind prepping Ana for her Columbia interview...you see Mr. James, Mr. Evans oversees the admissions of incoming freshman and my wife here is one interview short of getting a full ride to Columbia. Isn't that wonderful?"

"Your wife is going to college in New York?"

"Of course, she'll be commuting from our home and studying law, that way we can open our own practice one day." I snorted, and Marco tried to laugh it off. "She thinks my dream of a joint practice is crazy, but she has a brilliant mind that I can't let go to waste."

"That's amazing. Well young lady, good luck with Columbia, will I be seeing you before we return?"

I looked to Marco, silently begging him not to go but he winked at me.

"It's getting late, our flight is scheduled to leave in half an hour and she has an hour drive back. Don't keep her too long Mr. Evans."

"Oh, I won't, I'll make sure that she's prepared and I'll see her off."

"Great, come here, Princesa." Marco said sweetly, and I followed him to the door of the plane, the client going ahead of us. He was already down the stairs, but Marco kept us at the top of the steps, out of ear shot. "All I needed was for you to play nice."

"And I did...Marco please don't be like this."

He brushed my hair from my face and cradled my cheek like he valued my face.

"Go give him a good time, if he wants something you make him pay for it in cash, whatever you make is yours to keep." He said loud enough for Mr. Evans to hear. Then he leaned in and kissed me hard. I held onto him and he gripped my ass. I moaned, and he pulled away chuckling, a great big smile on his face. "I'll see you soon, be safe going home. Call me when you get in, even if I don't answer."

"Okay."

"Cuidate."

I stood there watching Marco walk away and as they walked into the terminal, I felt a body press against my back. He was hard as he put his hand on my stomach and pulled me back against him. He walked us backwards until we were back in the privacy of the plane. Just the two of us.

"You once told me I was too good for this life." I said to him as he sat down in his formally vacated chair. He reached for my hand and pulled me until I stood between his knees, suddenly I found myself agreeing with Marco about this dress, the bottom of it reached my mid-thigh. Mr. Evans ran his hands up and down my thighs as I waited for him to respond to me.

"I don't want anything more than what we had the first time we met and of course a kiss. I wish that this could be us sharing ourselves with each other, but I know that every dollar that I give you, is money you can use to leave that boy. He doesn't deserve you and someday when you realize that you hold all the power you'll walk away with money and a life of your own. If you stay with him, he'll keep putting you in these kinds of situations and that's no way to be treated."

"You say such pretty things but here we are, back to me preparing to trade my services for money."

"I'm an old man, Santana. What woman would want me at this age? I just want to feel like someone as beautiful as you enjoys my company."

"I actually do, your son is an even bigger asshole than my husband, but you are a sweet man. Perverted but sweet."

"Sit." He said with a chuckle as he patted his thigh. I sighed and then sat on his lap, I could feel how aroused he was and resigned myself to my fate. "We don't have much time, so a kiss?"

I rested my hand on his chest and let him hold me there against him while I kissed him. Making out with him was nothing like the passion that I shared with Brittany, but it had none of the force of Marco. I allowed him to linger, giving small kisses until I sat back up and looked him in the eyes.

"If you kiss a woman like that, I'm sure you can find someone to spend your shuffleboard days with." I said lightly pinching his cheek.

He winked and then spread his legs apart. He checked his watch and then looked out the window.

"If you want to avoid that smug look he gets after he thinks he's bested you, you'll want to leave in the next ten minutes. Lucky for you, I won't last long. I'll keep watch."

I nodded and then slid down to my knees. It had been ages since I did anything with a man without coke in my system and I knew that tonight I'd be making up for this moment.

So, with my mind stationed on cuddles with Brittany, more money for my bank account and a line of coke, I made him cum in three minutes flat, but I refused to swallow...he'd have to figure out how to clean up the mess, his solution was the same as his son's...my hair.

"I'm charging you extra for that." I said to him as I sat back on my knees pulling my hair into a quick bun, I knew that I was glaring but he seemed amused by it.

"I made sure to bring cash just in case this happened." He said, and I rolled my eyes because of course he did. "Go get cleaned up, the bathroom is through there. You have seven minutes before he heads back here."

Quickly, I washed my hands, cleaned my face and rinsed my mouth. That man still tasted like bacon and it still made my stomach turn.

Mr. Evans held my arm like a gentleman as he escorted me down the runway and into my car. He didn't give me any extra looks or touches and just before I pulled off he gave me the cooler back.

"Look inside, make sure I put everything back correctly." He said, glancing over his shoulder. I opened the cooler and it had two bands of bills. "Two thousand for your services and an extra five hundred for your hair, sorry about that."

Just as I finished putting the cooler in the backseat, Marco came over to the car.

"How'd the mock interview go?" Marco asked, and Mr. Evans gave a curt nod.

"This wife of yours is going places." I could tell by the sound of Mr. Evan's voice, that he was telling me instead of Marco that I was going places away from my husband.

Marco kissed my forehead and mumbled to me.

"You stink, get home safely, take what you need when you get home, just don't overdo it. The really good stuff is in my sock drawer."

"You mean, the stuff I paid for back in New York." He glared and gave a curt nod. "Yes."

"Thanks, Daddy-o."

I didn't call Brittany on the way home because try as she might to keep it from me, I knew she was out with Finn and when I did get home, I didn't answer her calls, instead I turned off all the lights and parked my car in the garage for once. The cooler sat on the floor by the bed and the cash was all spread out on the dresser.

My worth was there on the dresser looking back at me and I just paced, staring at it before letting my eyes linger on Marco's sock drawer. I had called him to let him know that I was home and going to bed early, but he hadn't answered, so I turned my phone off. He could check the cameras if he needed to know that bad.

The whole ride home, I had dry heaved as I drove, nearly colliding with the median more than once.

Guilt and remorse were filling me to the brim.

No way did I deserve to be with Brittany tonight after what I had done, let her go be with Finnocence. I was so disgusted with myself and when I had shoved my fingers down my throat, hoping to vomit nothing came up.

I was a mess of tears and snot as I paced and then all at once, I froze.

My mind flipped to autopilot as I pulled the drawer open and looked down at the rows of velvet bags lining the back of his sock drawer. Was there a velvet bag depot or something?

For the first time I chuckled and then I grabbed one of the baggies.

I poured a little mountain on the glass top of the dresser and then I used a razor to make my lines.

One line for the trauma I caused myself in driving there. One line for letting Marco bait me. Two lines for selling myself. And one line for ignoring the one person that could make me feel better at that moment.

I took one of the bills and rolled it, I caught my reflection in the mirror as I stood there in my underwear, my hair still pulled away from my face. I hadn't cleaned out the jizz in my hair yet and could see that it was getting crusty and I poured enough for one more line.

Six lines stared back at me and I was nauseous at the sight but that didn't stop me from doing them anyway, one after another after another after another until I collapsed back onto the bed, feeling like my heart was going to beat right out of my chest.

The high was the strongest I'd felt yet and I was glad I had done it at home. I closed my eyes for only a moment and then I was being shaken awake, faces swam in my vision but then my eyes were rolling back and I passed out again.

When I woke up again, the sun was out, and I was lying face down on the bathroom floor with dried blood next to my face. I pushed myself up and could see that someone had vomited in the tub, great, I had just cleaned that.

My head was pounding as I pulled myself to my feet and I squealed when I stepped with bare feet onto broken glass. Moments after my squeal there was a banging on the bathroom door.

Was someone here?

Why was the bathroom mirror shattered?

My foot was bleeding as I unlocked the door and took a step back. The door flung open and there stood Quinn with Brittany over her shoulder and Sandra rushing towards me.

"Glass." I said as I held my hands out, "Watch out." My voice was raspy, and my throat burned.

"I don't care." Sandra said, crushing the glass beneath her slippers, she pulled me into her arms and it was then that I realized that I was naked. "Oh God, I was so scared when you locked yourself in here, I could hear you snoring and was grateful that you were still breathing. I don't think I slept all night."

"I don't snore." I said, and no one argued with me.

Quinn moved around us and started rinsing out the tub while Britt appeared with a broom and started to clean up the glass. I couldn't look at either of them as Sandra ushered me back into my bedroom. When I saw the room, I stopped short, it looked like a tornado had hit it. The pictures were hanging askew, the money was no longer on the dresser but on the floor and bed. The sock drawer though was closed, and the velvet bag was spilled onto its side with more powder coming out of it.

On autopilot I moved over to the dresser and ran my finger through the powder picking up just a bump, my sister watched me as I brought the residue to my nose and sniffed it.

I just needed to clear my head.

She had an iron grip on me after that, making me sit on the bed and threatening me if I moved but I just sat there frozen, staring at my reflection in the mirror.

Blood had dried on my face and my hair was even crustier, I dropped my eyes to the dresser after that. Sandra was still going on about me not touching anymore coke and I better not move while she grabbed the first aid kit.

There was no need for her to worry about me going anywhere though, I was beyond disoriented and couldn't even figure out where I'd run to if I could but then my phone rang, and I suddenly sprang into action, moving towards the sound of a phone that I was positive that I'd turned off the night before.

When I picked up, I already knew it was Marco, everyone else I talked to was in the room with me.

"Good morning Anita, how are you?"

"Good Morning, I'm just waking up...I'm okay, my sisters are here."

I fell silent after that waiting for him to say something but apparently, he had been waiting on me to speak in response to something he said but I hadn't heard him. My eyes were still on the dresser...still dazed, my eyes hurt. I just needed to rest them.

"You awake over there?"

I had closed my eyes for only a moment, but his voice jerked me back awake.

Whatever he wanted couldn't be good.

But was it ever?

"Yea. I'm up. Is everything okay, how did it go with your client?"

I sat on the edge of the bed so that I could pay attention although I really just wanted to curl up and sleep, it was still Sunday, so I had the right.

"Oye, he signed on and this is a trial case. I'm hopping on a plane with him now and heading back to New York. I don't know when I'll be able to come home next. After yesterday, you know where I stand when it comes to Brittany. Just don't embarrass me. Can I trust that you won't get into trouble? I know it's asking a lot of you but I just don't have the energy right now to police you."

He was blatantly giving me permission to carry on my relationship with Brittany but after whatever happened last night, I was sure she would be firm on not being with me right now.

This was a great opportunity to get myself together without his negative influence and I knew that I needed to seize the moment. So, I pounced.

"How long will you be gone?" I asked, trying not to sound too excited.

"This is going to be a lengthy trial if I have my say, I need to be on call at any time and then I need to be around just in case there is an appeal, so a month or so. I can be back in Lima around the first of October but even then, if they appeal I'm stuck back in the city, indefinitely."

"Do you mind if I ask someone to stay with me while you're gone?"

"Yea, yea that's fine just be discrete. I'm going to wire you some money to your bank account. It should be there now, the bills come out automatically so use it for food and any school fees. Your father is refusing to cover those which I understand. Will a few thousand be enough?"

"Really? That's fantastic! Call me if you need me to send you anything, okay. I love you."

"Money has always been the way to your heart," he was laughing, "Ok Anita, I have to go. Be good. Oh, and try not to blow through all that coke and eat more, okay."

"Um...thanks, I will."

I hung up the phone and stared at our dresser wanting another taste but knowing I had eyes on me, I stayed sitting but I wasn't really tuned into anything but that drawer. If I wanted I could go on a bender, I could do whatever I fucking felt like doing and just that quickly, I found myself torn between reality and oblivion.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

Shit and just like that I forgot that my sister was here.

I whipped around and looked at her feeling guilty.

She was staring back at me as if she could see right through my soul, so I dropped my eyes. Quinn was in the room now with Brittany, they were mumbling something I couldn't make out while Britt kept sweeping and Quinn was righting the picture frames.

"That was um...Marco. His new client is a big deal in the Mormon church, nice guy, met him yesterday. The case is going to trial and he doesn't expect to be home for a month at least. He said it was okay to have an affair with Brittany as long as I'm discrete." Britt looked at me like I was insane, and I nodded remembering she had a boyfriend and understanding how disgusted she was with me. "And he said that I could ask someone to stay with me while he's gone."

"That's great, so then I can stay longer then?" Sandra said, looking content with the news.

"You don't have to do that, Sandra, what about your job or Johnny?"

"I am a housewife remember? Besides, a bonus to having a husband in the NFL is that he is never home. Why, do you not want me here? Is the need for coke stronger than me kicking your ass into gear?"

I let out a bitter laugh, everyone wanted to somehow kick my ass.

"I think I need you here more than anything. I might get tempted to use again if I'm all by myself. I don't know what happened here last night and I don't like how I feel right now."

"Okay well, I will stay with you then. You need family and let's face it, I'm the best family that you've got."

"I couldn't agree more Sandra."

"Good, I'm glad that's settled." Sandra said, pulling me into a tight hug.

I smiled and then looked down at my phone before tossing it to the side.

"Does someone want to tell me what happened last night?" I said looking around the room.

Sandra looked at Quinn and nodded.

Quinn looked pale, but she put on a cool face and looked at me with fire in her eyes.

"Brittany called me when she couldn't get a hold of you. I tried, and your phone was off. Um...after that, I drove over here and banged on the door. I could see that your car was in the garage, so I kept banging and you didn't answer. So, I picked up your sister because Marco had left a key at your parent's house for emergencies, I told Brittany to meet us here. By the time we got in, you were passed out on the bed, barely breathing. We tried to wake you and when you did wake up, you completely transformed." Quinn got choked up and Brittany continued.

"You pushed Q to the floor and kicked her until I pulled you off her. You almost hit your sister, but I blocked you, your eyes were crazy, and I told you we should take a shower, so you could sober up. That's when you locked yourself in there. You kept crying and apologizing and screaming at us to leave. I tried to pick the lock, but it didn't work. Looks like you broke the mirror in there and threw up in the tub...Quinn got the worst of it," Q wouldn't look at me anymore, she just went back to cleaning up. "How are you feeling now?" B asked as she sat down beside me and rubbed my back. "Did something happen at the airport?"

I looked at her and nodded. Sandra looked ready to lose her shit, but she just came to stand in front of me, blocking the view of the coke that I had been staring at since I sat there. I looked up at her and she looked surprised when I said, "Thank you."

Quinn looked scared to come near me, but she was hovering on the other side of me, her hip pressed against the dresser, she was out of arm's reach and I didn't blame her, I would be too.

"Are you okay, Q, are you hurt? I hate myself for hurting you."

"No, it was really just a shock but I'm okay, thanks."

"I'm sorry for everything that I did last night, I'm so fucking sorry, that wasn't me...you know, that right?"

Q dropped her head and mumbled under her breath, but I heard her loud and clear, "You sound like Russell."

It was knife to my chest, I hoped to God that nothing between us was broken forever.

"Do you want to tell us what happened?" B asked, and I shrugged as I met her eyes, tears starting to come down.

"It was going great and then I pissed him off by texting you during dinner, I embarrassed him which seems to be his biggest trigger. He pawned me off on Mr. Evans. He was so sweet as he exploited me for a blow job and a kiss. All this money you see is twenty-five hundred dollars for my services. He came in my hair so don't touch it, I haven't showered yet. I came back here feeling unworthy and dirty. I shut off my phone and from what I remember I did six lines, I have never done more than four at a time so...I may have lost my mind a bit. I don't remember anything after I passed out until the moment I woke up."

"There's no way I'm leaving you here alone, I'll be here until his trial is over, Johnny will understand." Sandra said.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive and when I can't be here, I'm sure your girls here will have your back. We can get you sober if that's what you truly want."

"I do want to be sober...I scared myself."

"Sometimes that's what it takes." Sandra said before helping me to my feet. "I'm going to help you get cleaned up and then we are going to find you a meeting."

"Already?"

"The sooner the better." Q said before going back to cleaning. Even though she said she was okay, I could tell that her trust in being around me was waning.

She had already warned me, nothing was getting in her way of Yale, including me and I had to respect that.

On Monday morning, I felt sober in more than one way. So many hard truths were hitting me, and I was doing my best to keep up with them all.

I had barely talked after the meeting, instead I followed Sandra around a grocery store while she shopped for food. My fridge was apparently too bare to feed me, let alone a pregnant woman.

The first of my let downs came with Brittany, who said that she was going to hang out with us for the rest of the day, helping to clean and holding me when I randomly burst into tears but when Finn called, she got all starry eyed and when I pouted, she reminded me that we could have had time together last night and I had messed it up.

The second let down was when the first moment that Quinn could get away, she did. I apologized repeatedly but she didn't want to hear it and when I saw her on Monday, I could see why. A bruise had bloomed on her arm, black as night. She was getting out of her car as we parked in front of her and I could see it before she slid into her Cheerios jacket.

Her face was like ice as she glanced my way. There was no hatred there, just a wall that I knew that I would have to fight to get through. Sandra and I sat in the car, while I rearranged my backpack, looking and finding the velvet bag from Friday.

"Sorry, this thing is a mess."

"Did you find it?"

I tossed it on the dash and then reached for the door, but she put a loving hand on my arm.

"Everything okay?" I asked as she rested her other hand on her belly.

She smiled and nodded.

Our eyes met, grey to brown and she smiled softly.

"Before I go Ana, I just wanted to run something by you, Okay?"

"Okay, anything."

"I have noticed that you lack a decent structure. When I was still an active Marine, I found that routine saved me from fucking up like our genetics like to do. Routine is what gives us Lopez's such focus and determination. We thrive in routine, but we hate authority unless we are the authority. So, I challenge you to be the authority on what Santana needs not wants but genuinely needs, like graduating and getting out of this Podunk town. If you want to marry Brittany someday, be worthy of her and make sure she is worthy of you too...and Quinn who loves you, but she needs to grow too so you give her some space. In the meantime, I know that you won't learn what any of that really takes unless you have some structure."

"Okay? So, what do you suggest?"

"Small changes for now, I won't be here forever so maybe working on new habits for after I'm gone. Come home after school, if you aren't going to be home please call and let me know. We will eat dinner together every night that we can, in or out is your choice. I also want you to focus on maintaining your grades and relationships. In life, you need something for your mind that's school, your body that can be training for track and Cheerios, no more alcohol and no more drugs, and something for your soul so maybe more prayer. Do what brings you real lasting joy. Got it?"

"Yeah, I can work on that."

"Any asks of me?"

"When you do leave, please don't disappear, Q was right, a girl needs her big sister."

"I'll stick around for as long as you'll have me, kid."

From almost anyone else this whole conversation would have made me upset but coming from Sandra it just felt like love and concern. If anyone understood what I needed it would be the sister that was the most like me. So, I would go along with her plans because I knew that she was doing things in my best interest.

"Thanks, sis. I have glee after school today and then I will be home afterwards, I'll bum a ride from Q...we need to talk just the two of us. If she refuses, I'll ride home with Britt. Thank you for caring so much, hopefully this can help me get back to myself."

She wrapped her arms around me and kissed my cheek.

"We will get through this together Mamita, one day at a time. I'm going to go finish food shopping and then drop by to see Papi since he's back in town. I will see you when you get home, yes? I'm making a real dinner so bring your friends if you want, I want to get to know them better."

"Okay, I will. Thank you, Sandra."

She hugged me tight before I climbed out the car and headed towards the school.

It was going to be a hard day but so long as I stayed sober, I figured that it would be alright.

Leave it to Sandra to convince my father to let her use his prized SUV that usually collects dust in the garage, it was funny seeing my personal boogeyman dote on his first born and from what I could see she was also slowly letting him know that Marco was the worst and he needed to step up.

By Wednesday, when we had dinner, just the three of us he was saying things like, "Where's that lousy husband of yours?" with his full chest like he actually didn't like the man he had forced me to be with.

Sandra told me that the whole escort business really did make him lose some of his enchantment with Marco. I wonder how he'd feel if he knew what happened on that plane a few days ago. All week long, Marco had been checking in via text with no threats or anything which made me wonder if either the client or Mr. Evans had given him a talking to of some sort. While the client didn't know much, I could tell that night that he was watching and judging Marco like when he would cut me off or would speak for me. The man was a traditionalist, but he didn't seem to have a male superiority complex.

My body was still craving drugs, still needing that sweet release but I resisted. Brittany and I kept kissing in janitor's closets and even though we had the green light from Marco, sex was still off limits because she was still with Finn.

"Please, B?" I would beg, and she would pout and shake her head.

"I know we are endgame, so I let you have this much of me but so long as you're with Marco and I'm with Finn, nothing else can happen." And then she'd go right back to kissing me.

The whole thing was confusing and by Thursday, I told her no more kissing either. It wasn't fair to anyone and she seemed relieved.

I wanted more but I had taken my sister's words to heart and was going to try at being worthy of Britt, no matter how hard it was. Despite how my week had started, things were looking up and I was doing what I could to turn shit around. I participated in all my classes and even felt confident about a test that I took.

All was well, and I was actually feeling happy for once, right down to letting Sandra sleep in my bedroom and taking the guest room far away from the temptation of a sock drawer.

By the time that Friday rolled around, everything was falling into place the way it should have been, Rachel had even returned to school with the news that her fathers were making a recovery.

We continued Country Music Week, but Rachel sat on a stool next to me and barely put her heart into her singing.

Quinn understandably was not the most important thing on her mind or she had given up fighting for the girl that she wanted, and Finn was in a relationship with my ex, so he was distracted from Rachel. It was crazy how quickly, the whole premise of our song made little sense anymore.

As lunch time came, my stomach was rolling between nausea and hunger but when I was on my way to lunch, I realized that I didn't have my wallet on me, so I ended up running back to my locker.

Food had always played a huge roll in my recovery because it was too easy for me not to eat and so I knew that if I was going to stick to the right track, I had to eat.

I was leaning halfway into the cramped space of my locker searching high and low for my wallet, when I felt someone tap me on my shoulder.

When I turned around I came face to face with Quinn, the one person who I hadn't been able to make it right with but when she looked at me, I could tell her concern was genuine. We would always be okay, sometimes people just need a break. I could tell that in her nervousness, she couldn't see me falling back to the very thing that led me to hurt her.

"Hey, Q, what's up?"

"What are you doing San?"

"I can't find my wallet...I probably left it at the house. What did you think I was doing, Q?"

I knew what she thought but I wanted to hear say it.

So, I cocked my eyebrow and crossed my arms over my chest and then she cleared her throat and rubbed at the bruise on her arm that was hidden by that jacket. My heart ached but I knew the only way to break our tension was to play it cool. She looked past me to my locker for a moment before looking back at me.

"You know what I thought after seeing you half in your locker, San. After Saturday, I'm just on edge. I see that you're fine and you have been...I'm sorry to assume."

"Yea well, you should be. I know I hurt you, but I promised to try and I am. Just know that shit like this makes me want to do it even more, just to spite you."

"Seriously? Shit, I'm so sorry!"

She looked guilt stricken and I couldn't contain my laughter as I closed my locker door and threw my arm around her, I smiled.

"I'm just fucking with you Q but because you obviously have so little faith in me, you can buy me lunch."

"I'm sorry, San. You got it. Get whatever you want."

"Yea?"

"Yes, you told me you were going to try, and I doubted you the first chance I got. I'm so sorry!"

"Yea, well prove it by buying a Sista lunch. I was running late this morning, so I didn't eat much."

"No?"

"Just a banana."

"Mmmm...bacon would have been better."

"Yeah, I'll pass. I am still boycotting bacon especially after Saturday."

"While that is utter blasphemy, I understand! Please don't go into detail."

Since Q was buying I bought the most expensive lunch that I could put together and she shot me a glare, but I ignored her and piled on the tater tots.

"What? You really hurt my feelings!"

"Yea...I'm so sure."

I mock pouted as she paid for our food, grumbling the entire time.

She stuck her tongue out before she walked off and it was like we were six again.

We sat at an empty table since Britt was taking a makeup test today and I finally got to ask Quinn the question that had been burning my soul.

"So, Q, I'm dying to know, what the hell was Friday dinner about?"

She let out a cackle and rolled her eyes.

"Turns out Russell is running for Mayor and he was letting us know, that he was going to be running with his mistress/wife as his first lady of sorts."

"Oh God...eww, I will definitely be voting against him."

"You'll be in New York by then."

"I will vote by absentee ballot if I have to and I'll get everyone else to do it too."

"Sounds like a plan, lets ruin his life." She said, stealing one of my tots.

I had the urge to slap her hand away, but I thought better of it given the bruise on her arm.

See, I'm learning from my mistakes!

"Oh, and Frannie, Mrs. second husband by 25, is pregnant again."

"Shit, how many kids is that now?"

"Six."

"No way."

"Yup, did I ever tell you that she offered to adopt Beth?"

"No way...would you have done it?"

"Fuck no, she would have rubbed that in my face for the rest of my life and probably turned her against me."

"I don't doubt it."

"While I miss my little girl every day, I know that Shelby will tell her the good stuff, you know?"

"Let's hope."

It felt good to just vibe with Quinn again as I picked up the cheesiest grilled cheese with tomato that I couldn't wait to devour. My mouth watered, and my stomach was growling.

God I was hungry.

I took a bite and swallowed enjoying the gooey goodness.

Nirvana.

Quinn watched me as I devoured that sandwich and then went back to eating my tots.

"You weren't kidding about being hungry."

"It's so crazy, I had no appetite for weeks and now, I'm starving...maybe it was the stress...you think?"

I jumped back when I felt a hand on my arm and saw that it was the last person I expected, Azimio.

"What do you want?" I snapped.

He was leaning into me trying to be quiet as he mumbled in my ear.

"You should get yourself checked out if you haven't yet."

He didn't wait for me to ask anything, he just quickly walked away while the sentence bounced around in my head.

I stared off thinking of all the implications of what he just said.

Can I not catch a fucking break?

Quinn nudged my foot and leaned across the table.

"What did he just say to you?" I looked at her and then I felt my stomach turn. I jumped up quickly and grabbed my bag. I couldn't wait another second. "San what just happened? Where are you going?"

"I have to go."

I threw my bag over my shoulder and walked straight out into the parking lot to my car. How could he just drop that kind of bomb and walk off. Like seriously?

As I was climbing in to the driver's seat, I heard footsteps running behind me.

Great!

I locked my doors and adjusted my seat. In that moment, I was thankful for my tinted windows because I was sure that I looked insane as the tears streamed down my face and my whole body shook.

"Fuck!"

I screamed out banging my hands on the steering wheel.

Why now?

Fucking Azimio!

Someone was knocking on my window, but I couldn't see them through the tears. My whole world was blurry. I had to get myself together. My hands were shaking as I shoved the key into the ignition. I took a deep breath, wiped my eyes and then I heard my tires squeal as I quickly put the car in reverse and hit the gas pedal.

"Shit!"

I had to get the fuck away from this place, these people, and fucking Azimio before I did something stupid. Feeling completely unhinged, I stopped at the exit of the parking lot and reached over for the glove box.

My mind was racing, I knew I had something in here that would calm me.

Something legal.

After a moment I found my lighter and two cigarettes.

Thank God.

I put one in my ashtray and put the other to my lips.

The knocking started again but it was more insistent this time.

"Go. Away!" I said.

I took a huge drag as I lit the damn thing, I felt my nerves fray a little bit, but the inhaling helped. I threw the car in drive and was about to hit the gas when I looked up, there blocking my way was Quinn.

Seriously?

I pressed my hand down on the horn and kept it there, but Q knew me better. She knew that I didn't want to get caught leaving, so she stayed put until I stopped pushing the horn, she was right. I didn't need any attention from Figgins right now. Plus, as cheer captain she could leave campus whenever, having her with me was probably better and she knew it but now I would have to let her in on this when we were just getting back to ourselves.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

I put down my window and leaned out the car.

"Get the fuck out of my way, Lucy!"

"I'm coming with you. Just unlock the door! Don't make me call Sandra!"

"Fuck you!"

"Just let me come...I mean it wherever you are going I'm coming with you or I call Sandra."

"Fine, get the fuck in!"

I unlocked the door and waited for Quinn to get in the car.

My sister didn't need to know about this.

Fuck!

She had barely closed her door when I pulled off.

"Shit! Santana slow down." Q said quickly putting her seat belt on.

"If you don't like the way I'm driving, then you can get the fuck out, Quinn, because I intend to drive like this the whole way."

"I get that, Santana but at least tell me what the problem is?"

"Motherfucking Azimio is my problem!" I said taking a long drag and cutting a corner.

She yelped, and I shook my head before shifting into the next lane.

"Santana, please, tell me what he said that has you like this?"

"He told me that I should get myself checked out. So that's where I'm headed."