DISCLAIMER: I shaved my beard, so I'm not that Harmon dude or the other that is never acredited by his job on Rock And Martha or whatever.
DISCLAIMERx: I do own BNHA... in my dreams.
EDIT: This had been written at 06:00 AM, so there's a lot mistakes, issues and shit. Sorry to all of ya.
This is a ONE-SHOT. Why? Feel like it. Sorry by this shit. Have a nice weekend.
PINK PENCIL
"Damn, Purple Bitch has some nice content!" A voice said with little shame to what he was doing… Damn, son! You can't do that on the kitchen! Gosh…
Letting the filthy thing that boya was doing, the door opened in a pretty rough way.
[SMASH]
A pretty drunk being slowly walked (could those clumsy movements be considered a walk?) through the living room caring pretty little about the act that was being realized just a few moments ago. "Mo-Mo-Morty, I -burp- need your he-help, Mo-Morty…" He said before trying to hold up some vomit… Yes, trying.
"Ri-Rick, wha-what a-are yo-you do-doing!?" The named Morty spoke while trying to put his pants on its place… Again, yes, trying.
"BLEW!" The yellow liquid got launched through the air.
On the other side of the conversation (could that be considered a conversation?), the kid who was doing unholy things so little ago, took the vomit second head first. "OH FUUUCK!" He yelled while running to the ex-dishwasher to rename it as a dickwasher. "IT FUCKING BURNS!"
"Mo-Morty, w-we ne-need to -burp- g-g-g-go, M-Morty…" The known as Rick took the teenager's shoulder. "Le-Let's g-go, Mor-burp-ty." He pulled the kid with now no pants while taking out a weird gun… Who am I kidding? It's obviously the portal gun, I mean, who the fuck would read this with not knowing the smallest thing about Rick And Morty.
"Ri-Rick! Re-Remember what mom said a-about sta-starting adventures while bein-!"
"Shu-Shu-Burp-Shut up Morty!" Rick said while making a green portal. "I-I'm no-not dru-drun… BLEEEW!" The supposedly not drunk old man threw up through the portal. "Fuck." He closed the portal to make a new one. "Thi-This is the go-good one…" He looked at Morty. "Where a-are your pants?"
.
.
.
.
.
.
Standing alone a few meters away to a U and an A fused into a weird shape was not the exact day he was hoping to have. To be honest, he was expecting to extract some literal and figurative juice from the weekend he had to himself… HOWEVER, because of something Rick wanted him to do, he was now in some (pretty comfy) new pants waiting for the bell of the school to ring. Yes, school. Wasn't the weekend supposed to be expended out of the place which unique utility was to look at Jessica? Again, and for the fourth time, yes, it was.
You know what annoyed him the most? The fact that Rick didn't even told him what he wanted him to get! He just threw up a few times on a random alley, called a taxi that a lizard man was driving and threw up in the taxi to then threat the lizard-guy to keep going to then fall a fucking sleep in the middle of the threat letting him to carry him (Rick) all the way to the place he vaguely pointed to, to just then tell him "Go-Good lu-luck on th-the exam-BLEW!" before throwing up over the bag he (Rick) gave him after that. Where was he now? Good question.
Focusing on the present, he was waiting for the bell some hobo told him to wait. Why does he trust that hobo's word? Great question; you should be a detective! Changing the subject, it was a pretty nice day to not be taking whatever exam he has to… whatever exam he is going to be forced to take. What was the content of the exam? Nice question. Was he going to pass? Silly question; of course he wasn't going to. What was Rick expecting him to do? His best subject (with no cheats) was PE just because he was pretty used to run while trying to not die. Oh gosh he hoped that this quiz was a physical one…
[RIIIIIIING]
"Oh gosh! That's the bell…" A high pitched voice muttered loud enough for him to hear. The owner was a green haired skinny adolescent and the way he walked made it obvious that he wasn't in any level mentally prepared.
Being himself a good guy (even if Rick had showed him multiple times that that shit was pretty far from the truth), Morty stepped towards the kid to encourage him (and maybe himself too) a little… to just fall by a bad leveled ground. Why this somehow reminded him something pretty traumatic?
[SMASH] [CRACK]
And there goes his nose. Maybe it was because he was crying in both anger and pain, but… Well, there was no but. He was just crying in both anger and pain.
.
.
.
.
.
"GOT IT PEOPLE!? IF SO, GIMME A YEAH!"
What the actual fuck is going on? He was just sent to the nursery by the hobo for the old nurse to kiss him (apparently in a not romantically way) to fix his nose a few minutes ago and now there was a weird guy talking weird things in a weird way.
"Pche, hard audience I guess." He said a little frustrated. "Now go to the section yer paper points!"
Like that, everyone got out of the place letting him with his pretty comfy pants to stare in a pretty awkward way to the guy.
"What's wrong little boya?"
"What's my section?"
.
.
.
.
.
Maybe it was because he spent most of his time with Rick, but he pretty agreed with the school being shit. He just ended up doing an exam before whatever that thing of section was with LESS time than he should had because he walked straight to his section to just be told that he was supposed to finish a lot of stupid exam first! Why the fuck had those assholes explained that shit of sections first!? What, the author just forgot that part and gave shit and used it to make a joke attempt? God, how he hated writers. Anyways, he failed. There was more than a 100% of possibility of him failing. Yes, there were multiple choice quiz, but stills. At least, that was a thing less to worry about, not like the guy who sat next to him. He literally began to whisper in a pretty creepy way while the exam was going. He was pretty thanked with his deity for making him not met that guy at the entrance.
At the time, Morty was yet again on his section, this time, even if it sounds redundant, at the right time. The same guy who told him what his section was, but didn't told him about the exam, was up to some kind of tower side to a quite big door while yelling something about effort and stuff. Said guy, had taken his bag saying something about "quirks only".
To be honest, he already hated the guy.
Were his words important? Maybe, however, Morty was focused on something else. That something had to do with all the phenomena around him? (Oh god, he was as racist as Rick!) Nope. It had more to do with all the pretty girls around. What? Does liking girls make him a pervert? In today's world, yes!
"AND BEGIN!" The guy he hates yelled.
Begin? With what? He looked around and at least everyone was as confused as him.
"What you lookin' at!? There's no sign in real life! RUN!" Like that, everyone began to run… everyone but Morty, who was looking some booties jiggling. "W'ALL LOVE BUTTS BOYA!" The man he hates a lot screamed. "BUT IT'S TIME TO RUN!"
Morty ran with no single clue of what to do. Was he supposed to do something in the first place? Was this a race? For security, he speeded up. Where those robots obstacles? For security, he dodged them.
[AT EVALUATION ROOM]
"This year's kids look pretty interesting." A mouse said.
"Mmmh…" A hobo mumbled in agreement while paying more attention to the brunette boy he met earlier. He was running pretty fast even for his own standards and he sliced through the robots like silk against skin. The hobo could give him some points by those quality movements, yet, he stills needs to attack.
"Something interested you, Shota?" The mouse asked.
"No, just the participant number-"
"Look at participant 616!" A random examiner said. "He's just running across the section like a hare!" He laughed.
"I know!" Another said. "I saw him even jump over a one pointer to dodge it!"
"Did someone told him that this wasn't a race?"
"Looks like I'm winning…" Morty said while still running. It wasn't such a race in both competence and length. First, the length wasn't even close to what he was used to run at his adventures with Rick and second, the other competitors just got interested in the obstacles. Like, why would them do that? This was a race not a competence of how much robots you can beat…
OH SHIT!
He turned his head from seeing the other teenagers to focus on the finish… on the inexistent finish line.
[AT EVALUATION ROOM]
"Look that asshole!" A monitor said while pointing to 616. "He just got aware that this is not a race!" Half of the room laughed… well, all of the room (yes, the mouse too) but two persons.
"Big potential, yet, little brain." The hobo whispered.
"Poor thing!" A… voluptuous woman said.
The mouse, who had some good time laughing at the kid, wiped off a fake tear. "Well people, let's let it go."
"…" The first monitor said nothing.
"Did he just referenced Frozen?" The second whispered.
"I thought it was a Justin Bieber reference…"
[BRRRRR]
The ground vibrated. Morty, who was having some pretty serious argument about killing himself for being this stupid, looked around…
[CRASH]
"Holy fuck." He said while looking how the ground was being smashed by the rubbish a (FUCKING GIANT) robot was spreading on the sky by breaking through an edifice. First question, why the fuck would they waste this much money if they were going to destroy everything anyways? Second question, why the fuck did they thought it was a good idea to confront teenagers with that shit? Third question, was Rick right he said that comedy comes in three?
[CRASH]
"OH SHIT!" He cried out while jumping because of the rock which almost killed him. "YOU PEOPLE ARE FUCKING NUTS!" Morty screamed to the drone following him.
That's it, Morty wasn't going to pass the exam… Wait, why was he willing to pass the exam!? It was some Rick's shit, not his shit! He was not going to risk his life because of Rick wanting something!
[PLOP]
A noise took Morty's attention. He turned looking for whatever thing that made that noise.
"Yo-You fu-fucking -burp- stupid, Morty." Rick said… wait a second.
"Rick?" Morty turned to see his grandpa… yet he saw his hologram. He deadpanned. "Weren't you supposed to appear only when I was not going to revive you? And also, weren't you dead?"
"Ye-Yes, bu-but also I'm here to" He took out a flask and give it a long drink. "gi-give you s-some en-encouragement -burp-."
"You know that that flask is just as hologram as you are, right? Also, you didn't answer my second question."
"I lik-like the feeling, tha-thank you." He said before pointing the big robot. "Co-Come on -burp- Morty! Beat the screws out of that shit!"
"Why should I?" Morty asked while crossing his arms.
Holo-Rick sighed. "You really want t-to do t-this?"
Morty just humphed (like, humph!) while turning his head in negation.
"You wanted it." He said giving another drink to the flask. "God I love this." He put the flask in his gown. "Now, want me to show Su-Summer how much -burp- incestuous porn yo-you wat-watch?"
Morty's heart stopped. "Wha-What!?"
"Yo-You heard me." He cleaned some inexistent dust of his gown. "Wha-What about the mo-mom porn t-to my-my daughter? How would she react?"
Morty turned to see the robot. "I hate you."
He took out his flask again. "Tha-Burp-Thanks."
[AT EVALUATION ROOM]
"What is that 616 doing?" Examiner A said while pointing the kid running straight to the robot.
"I think he's just crazy. Give him some points for the laughs."
How was he going to take down that immeasurable shit? He didn't know, yet, he HAD to. You could say that hologram Rick can't actually tell Summer and his mom because of the fact he of him just being an hologram, but he was pretty sure that Rick had it covered; he literally let a record of him threating whoever touched his part of the fridge, so he was sure he could (and had) let one at home for this threat. Back to the main question, how was he going to beat that thing? Of course he was going to pass by just destroying that thing; it was a fucking giant robot! Just logic. No need of thinking too much about it, so he gave it full attention to his dilemma…
One more time… HOW THE ACTUAL SHIT HE WAS GOING TO-… Wait, was that a panel? Would Rick's drunk bombs harder to disarm? Pretty sure they are…
Oh, now he has a plan!
[AT EVALUATION ROOM]
"What's 616's quirk?" A monitor said while looking how the teenager was climbing the zero pointer like a spider.
The examiner looked to the expedients. "It says…" His eyes widened.
Was the air thinner? Probably, but he managed to climb the robot all the way to its nape while out of the focus of the writing. "Let's do this!" Morty said.
"..."
"..."
"You do-don't have something to open it, do-don't you?" Holo-Rick said and, by Morty's reaction, he knew he was right. "Morty, y-you are an…"
[AT EVALUATION ROOM]
"… that he's an idiot."
"What?"
"It just says that."
"SHUT UP RICK!" Morty screamed while looking around.
"Ac-Accept it Mo-Morty, yo-yo-you are useless wit-without m-me… Well, wi-without physical Rick. E-Even be-being a -burp- real asshole, he is a talented asshole… Whe-Where did yo-you got that cr-crowbar?" He pointed to the rudimentary crowbar.
[AT EVALUATION ROOM]
"Did he just teared off the drone's leg?"
"Come on, come on!" Morty said as he was trying to open the panel on the robot's neck.
[CRACK]
The metal panel flew to the ground. "Fuck yeah!" He said while looking to the inside of the robot. Now, the easy part…
[AT EVALUATION ROOM]
"Principal!" A man ran to be side to the mouse.
"What's wrong?"
"The participant 616 is hacking the zero pointer!"
"WHAT!?" A mole man said with more than anger in his voice.
"Let him be." The mouse said with a smile. "If he can, he's ready for UA."
"AS FUCK HE'S GOING TO!" He said while getting out of the room.
The easy part ended out of narration. "Easy peazy!" Morty said as he used the tactile panel to stop the robot from moving. "And that's how everything ended up with a happy ending…"
"SSSSSSSMASHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" A voice shouted with all his might.
"Whut?" Morty said.
[SSSSSSSMASHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!]
And, now, he was practically dead.
Why Pink Pencil? To say something like "I have a story called PP!" Yes, I'm such a mature man. Is morty dead? Maybe. Wha' did Rick wanted? Secret.
Seeya.