The Long Game

Part 32

Author's Note: Set during Tom Connolly. This is my attempt to deal with canon (sort of) and also stay true to the story and characters I've got here. I'm trying to capture most of the episode and that means some "hours later" jumps so I get everything in without this being 20 pages long. I hope it works.

Please leave a review.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Liz's heart stopped when she saw the light, she knew it was Ressler. This was exactly the person she wanted to avoid in her escape because she wasn't sure she could go through with it when faced with him. He, of course, asked her not to do this, to turn herself in. He still believed in the system and, although she believed in him, she didn't believe in the system. She also knew he was limited in what he could control, despite his feelings otherwise.

"In about twenty seconds that camera is going to turn back on," Liz said, thinking she could get him to at least see the importance of timing. She needed to go, and she wasn't working on clearing her name within the system.

She saw the hope in his face in that split second. That she would allow him to save her, to help her from the inside clear her name. And then Liz knew, she needed to force the issue and place him in a position that she never wanted to.

"If you're going to let me go, you've got to do it now, before people see you standing here with me."

And then she saw the look pass across his face that broke her heart a little—that hope was lost. Liz was sure he wasn't going to do it, that he was going to make her do this his way—the right way—in his mind. But then he leaned in, took her face in both his hands kissed her hard and fast and said.

"Go!" before he stepped back and away from her.

She was stunned for a moment and the spell was broken by him saying her name.

"Liz" he pleaded, and she nodded and ran past him, out the door and into the awaiting car.

In the car she could still feel the pressure of his lips on hers as if they had burned a place for themselves there. She couldn't speak for a few minutes and she's sure everyone thought it was shock, but it was a totally different kind of shock. Donald Ressler, despite his misgivings about her methods, trusted her and placed his faith in her abilities and judgement. He believed in her.

Hours later she found herself talking in a car with Cooper about how he had been compromised and thinking of Don, how she had compromised him. Liz resolved that she needed to not drag him into this anymore, Don was a good man that didn't need to be tangled up in this anymore than he already was. She started to walk toward Union Station from the parking lot when her phone rang.

"Liz," Ressler's voice came through on the other side. "I'm surprised you still have your phone."

"Ressler, you shouldn't be calling me, they can tell from your phone records that…"

"I bought a burner," Don said quietly. "Take down this number…"

"What?" Liz asked.

"Liz, it's 202-633-8700," Don said quickly. "You need to get a burner too and get rid of your personal and work phones."

"Don, why are you…?" Liz asked as she skirted around a parked car.

"I don't want you to get hurt," he admitted. "I may not agree with your methods, but I respect them, and I trust you."

Liz swallowed hard. He was in this with her, and she loved him for that, but knew he was not doing what was best for him. He was choosing her over himself and that was only going to get him in trouble.

"Don, I will clear my name and I don't want you to…" Liz said as she approached the building.

"You're my partner, Liz," Don said. She knew he meant more than work. "If you're in this, then I am too."

Liz swallowed hard. Her head kept screaming 'no, no, no, no….'

"Don, you can't…" Liz started as she stood against the side of union station giving it a few futile kicks.

"Liz, you made your choices, and I respect them," Don said. "Now let me make my own."

Liz sighed. As much as she wanted him to not tell her what she could and couldn't do, she wanted nothing more than to do that to him right now. Liz wanted to scream 'throw out the fucking burner, do your job, and stop risking everything for me!'

Instead, she said, "Fine."

"Go get a burner and call me when you have one, and I'll tell you what I know from the search and we'll go from there," Don said.

"Okay," Liz nodded, knowing this man, this wonderful man, was not going to back away. He was going to get himself fired or in jail if she allowed him to continue down this path.

"Stay safe," Don said before he disconnected the call.

Liz leaned her back against the building and closed her eyes, cursing herself for allowing this good man into her fucked up life. She needed to save him from ruin, she wasn't sure how in this moment, but she knew she needed to figure out a way to get him to stop going down this path with her. A path that would only destroy him.

Hours later, Liz had discovered her way to find out answers and save Don. Tom. She went to Tom for help, and he wanted her to run away with him. But running away with him meant her name wasn't cleared and without that she couldn't have a normal life, have Don in her life in some capacity. As enticing as it was to run away with the man, to pretend all the lying and cheating wasn't part of who they were, Liz knew it was the wrong choice. She knew it would be a choice she regretted. But Tom had helped her investigate Andropov, a course of action that had ended with a shoot out and a dead man who could give her answers.

"I have to call it in," Liz said as they parked in the harbor lot.

"Liz, there was enough shooting that…" Tom started.

"It's not the kind of neighborhood where people call things in," Liz said, honestly. "I'll be in in a minute."

"You have to get some of your injuries…"

"I know," Liz nodded.

Tom nodded and got out of the car.

"Say hi to the boy scout," Tom said as she started to walk away. "And remember you aren't an agent anymore, you weren't the second you tried to evade them."

Liz swallowed hard and called Don's burner number.

It rang three times and she was about to hang up when he answered her out of breath.

"Sorry, I was with Aram and…" Don said, not even bothering with a hello.

"19th near A in the Stadium-Armory district there's an alley behind a dry cleaners where you'll find Andropov," Liz said, all business.

"Metro PD got a call," Don said. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, just a few lacerations," Liz said. "Tom was with me."

"Tom?" Don asked.

She could hear the hurt in his voice and, as much as it saddened her, this was the point of working with Tom. She needed Don to back away and stop this madness of trying to help her.

"Yeah, I have been working with him since you let me go," Liz said as she looked out across the water.

She heard silence and her heart cracked. She had done what she had set out to do, but it didn't make it any easier to do.

"Look, I gotta…" Liz started.

"This is good, Liz," Don said and her brow furrowed. "Tom knows this world better than you and he and Reddington can help you navigate…"

"Don," Liz said flabbergasted, surprised he was okay with her working with the man that he, himself, wanted to kill.

"I don't love it, but…"

"It's Tom," Liz said, trying to drive home her point.

"And, despite what he has done to you and you have done to him," Don said. "I think he wants to help."

Liz sighed, this fucking man was going to be the death of her. She was trying to save him, didn't he know that? He was making it incredibly difficult.

"He wants me to sail away with him and forget all this, get new identities and…"

She heard Don sigh.

She didn't want to have to push it, but, obviously, she needed to.

"And are you?" Don asked, his voice low.

"I want to clear my name," Liz offered. "But it's tempting."

She was again greeted with silence. She didn't want to do this to him, but he wasn't giving her much choice.

He cleared his throat.

"Even if you do decide that going away is your best option, we can still work to clear your name so, one day, you…you have more choices in your life," Don said, his voice strained and hurt but his resolve to help her still apparent.

"I don't deserve you," she said out loud, she probably shouldn't have.

He cleared his throat again.

"I see you have a burner," Don replied.

"Yeah," she said, half wanting to run to him and say she was wrong, that she surrenders to the system, so he isn't further compromised. He had compromised himself enough. "I gotta go."

"Okay," Don sighed. "Liz, I don't have much intel right now, but there's a briefing at 8pm and if you call me tonight, we can talk about options and next steps based on…"

Liz felt a tear run down her cheek.

"Okay," she said, her voice cracking.

"Liz…" he said, hearing her distress. "I'm here for you, I will do anything to help you."

Liz put the phone against her chest and cried for a moment before she put it back to her ear. She wanted to say 'And I love you for that' but that would not help her agenda of saving him from her.

"Tonight, I'll call at 10," Liz said before she disconnected the phone.

She stood and cursed her fate. A good man loved her and wanted to help her, and she needed to hurt him to save him. Liz closed her eyes and walked back to the boat, Tom's boat, resolved that this was going to break Don's heart and, by default hers, but it needed to be done.

She seduced Tom, she almost couldn't go through with it, but the tears in her eyes that looked like forgiveness to Tom were sadness and loss to her. And hours later, she watched the clock turn to 10pm while she lay naked in bed with Tom curled up behind her, his hand possessively on her hip. At midnight, she slid out of bed and picked up her phone and saw there were three missed messages from Don.

She sat on the bench seat with the cool night air freezing her skin and cried. She cried for the mistakes she'd made, the decisions that got her to this place. This place where sleeping with Tom was the only option to save Don.

Liz listened to his short messages, asking her to call him, wondering if she was okay, and finally, saying she could call him at any time, he had his phone with him.

Liz wiped at her eyes and straightened her back. She hit re-dial close to 1 am and was steeling her resolve to break his heart in the most efficient way possible. It would be easier if he was only half awake for this conversation.

"Liz?" He asked, his voice heavy with sleep.

"I'm sorry, you said call anytime and…should I…it's almost 1 am and…?" Liz asked.

"No, no, it's fine," Don said. "They're pulling apart your life Liz, every call, every...did you know that your internet search history shows a lot of research into virology?"

"I didn't do that," Liz said, suddenly alarmed.

"I know," he sighed, and she could hear the bed creak.

"Don't get up, we can talk tomorrow and, anyways I need to get back to Tom, but I didn't want to leave you wondering if I was alright," Liz said, dropping the hammer.

"Tom?" Don asked in confusion, she could hear his words were slurred like when he got tired.

"I'm staying with him on his boat," Liz said for the sake of clarity. "We're…I'm not sure what we are, maybe…back together?"

Silence greeted her on the other side of the line, and she had to pull the phone away from her mouth so she wouldn't try and explain further as she heard his heart break.

"Don?" She asked after over a minute of silence.

Nothing.

"Did you fall back asleep?" Liz asked him.

She swears she hears him lick his lips.

"Okay, well you better get back to Tom," he said as he cleared his throat.

Tears were flowing down Liz's face, and she nodded into the phone before she wiped at them.

"Yeah," Liz said.

She heard the line disconnect and she dropped the phone on the floor of the boat and cried silently in the darkness of the night. The boat was rocking her, and it should have been comforting, but instead all she could think of was Don, across the city, and the pain she had just caused him. Reasons aside, she had hurt him, and he didn't know why, possibly never would know why, and he probably never would forgive her for what she had done to him.

And, after she shot Tom Connolly she called Ressler to clear Copper's name, but really, she needed to hear his voice, know he was okay after what she had done to him.

She could hear the anger in his voice, could see his jaw tightening and clicking as he spoke with her, as he told her, quite business-like what her crime was and what she needed to do. It wasn't until his 'damn it, Liz' that he wasn't all business. And then, he broke her heart.

"Don't make me do this," he pleaded. "Please tell me where you are, tell me, and I can get…"

She disconnected, saddened by his pleas to make her stop hurting him. Because, as much as she thought she hurt him last night with her revelation about Tom, putting him in a place where he was going to hunt her down as a fugitive was going to kill him. And that's exactly what she'd done to the one person she loved most.

To be continued…