Chapter 28: Lego House (Ed Sheeran)

I lay in bed staring at the ceiling long after Sandra had gone to bed. The glow of Britt's words were starting back at me from up above and right then, I knew that there was no other person I'd rather be with in that moment.

So I cleaned up my room and then took a hot shower before putting on the first clean thing I could find. The last thing I needed to be doing was driving across town but I had no phone since I had destroyed it the day before. My eyes were aching as I slipped on my glasses and stared at my sad expression.

The curve of my lips and the sharp angles of my nose were inherited from my father and the curl of my hair was also his...I didn't want to look at it so I put on a hat and scratched out a quick note to Sandra.

Needed some air. I love you.-S

It was my hope that I'd be home before my sister even noticed that I was gone. I climbed into my car and suddenly the thought of the day my dad bought it for me flashed through my mind and I began sobbing out loud. He'd gotten this car for me as a late gift and then within a few hours was beating me. I wanted to harp on that anger but he'd turned it around in the end.

And that was what made the tears come. I probably looked insane, but I didn't really care. My mind was on overdrive but I had to keep pushing until I felt safe again and there was only one person that could give me the level of comfort that I needed.

It was well after midnight on a Sunday night, Lima was quiet as they slept like the world hadn't been irreversibly altered. There were so many different ways I could have coped but I needed to focus on my needs versus my wants. I wanted cocaine, I even wanted Marco but what I needed was my endgame.

Brittany.

True to crazy Pierce form, despite the time all the lights were on downstairs as I parked on the street behind Britt's pink dirt bike. I took a moment to wipe my face again and freshen up my lipgloss before turning off the car.

At first, I was thinking of staying with her but I couldn't deal with that at the moment, what I really wanted was Brittany and me all alone, closing off the rest of the world.

My body ached and my stomach tightened as I climbed the front steps. I had barely knocked when the door was flung open and I was wrapped up in Susan's arms.

"You just caught us, we were about to call it a night, but Britt insisted that she you'd come by, so we waited and here you are!"

"Thanks, Susan. I really needed...this."

"That's what I told her, okay mom, let her go. Go to bed."

Brittany always seemed like the adult in her family, which always threw me for a loop.

"Um, where are you going young lady?" Susan asked when Britt pulled on her jacket.

"For a ride, she's not going to fall asleep...don't worry, I will be on time for practice."

"Actually, Susan...I was wondering if she could stay with me tonight?" As eccentric as the Pierces were, they were strict about their daughters being home at a respectable hour and doing whatever crazy teen stuff in a safe environment.

Britt looked at her wide eyed but didn't say a word.

"Go pack a bag." She said to Brittany.

"Thanks, Mom!"

"Promise me you'll be on time for practice?"

"I promise."

Britt left me standing there in the living room and I crossed my arms over myself...willing myself not to cry. I didn't want to be here but I knew if I went up those steps, I'd collapse into the bed and never leave.

Tubbs passed by me and I cringed. God forgive me, that cat was gross.

"Have you eaten today?" Susan asked me and I shrugged. "Britt told me...about your..." She looked at my stomach and then back at me with an eyebrow arched.

"Oh."

"You get no judgement from me, sweetie. I just know you've struggled in the past with eating enough. Can I make you a plate?"

"As long as...there's no bacon." I knew better than to turn down Susan's food.

"Nope, you know us, pasta and potatoes."

"Thanks, Susan."

Britt's dad was watching an old cartoon and I stared blankly at the screen avoiding his soft smiles, happy that he didn't move to hug me. I think it was a dad instinct knowing that the only man I would probably want to hug me was the one in the morgue. I wiped a tear away as Britt came running down the steps, her duffel full and a garment bag over her shoulder.

Susan handed her my plate and said, "Take care of my girl."

"I will." I said but Susan shook her head.

"I was talking to Brittany. I'm here whenever you need, Santana."

I felt more tears but then Brittany glared at her mother who immediately looked apologetic.

"Thank you." I said, and she blew me a kiss before shutting the door and leaving us on the porch.

Once we were alone, Britt leaned in and kissed my lips.

"You don't look so great, mind if I drive?"

"Please." I said, finally allowing myself to feel tired, knowing that she would take over from here. I'd done just enough to get myself to a safe place...I felt empty now.

Britt put everything in the back seat and then held the passenger door open and waited for me to buckle in before closing the door. She glanced back at the house before coming around the car and climbing in the driver seat. I rested my head back and closed my eyes, trying not to think of how this was her first time driving my car and instead allowed myself to just trust her. I smiled at her and rested my hand on her thigh, she was my tether and I would so my best to be hers.

I had started thinking of her instead of Q and it felt like relief. Britt didn't need to know every tiny detail before we proceeded with what came next. She just took charge and let me exist without worry.

She was quiet as we rode through Lima and then she pulled the car to a stop.

We sat outside the hospital, where the vigil had been. There was giant picture of my father's face and candles burning. I sat looking at it as the tears carved tracks over my face.

"I was going to take you to the treehouse at first but then I thought coming here would be better."

I nodded and then blew out a long breath.

"Can you promise me something, B?"

I was was looking at my hands now as they shook with cravings of something I could no longer have. She leaned over and kissed my cheek, when I turned my face to look at her she didn't have even an ounce of pity in her eyes, just love.

"Anything."

"I'm probably going to pull away at some point, can you just be on standby...check on me, even if I snap at you."

She gave me a small smiled and nodded. "I promise."

"Good...can we go to bed now?"

"Of course, Ana banana."

She gave me another kiss and then put the car in drive. This time I kept my eyes open and took in the stillness of the streets. Everything was changing so fast and I didn't know how I would manage.

Mami would probably come home soon and I'd need to hold her together, in this moment I wasn't ready but I was going to work like hell to get to the point that I could be everything that my mother needed.

Britt put the plate her mom had made in the fridge and made me some toast and tea instead. I ate quietly as she changed into her pajamas. She was in the bathroom and had thrown her uniform to the side but I decided to hang it. I was in the middle of hanging up her uniform when I felt her arms sliding around my waist and rubbing at my nearly invisible little bump. Unless you knew my body intimately, there was no noticing the bump but Britt knew me.

She ran her fingers over the bare skin and kissed my shoulder.

"How was the toast?"

"Just enough."

"Good. I love you. Thank you for hanging that up for me."

"Of course, B. I love you too."

"Ready for bed?"

I nodded and then let her pull me across the room and into the covers. I kicked off my pants and rolled on my side and turned off the lamp. Once we were plunged in darkness, she pulled me against her.

I smiled to myself when I thought of yesterday when we were laying in a similar position. I ground my ass against her and she chuckled.

"We need sleep, I have practice in four hours."

"Fine." I grumbled.

"Aren't you tired?"

"Yeah...kinda."

"Do you need me to distract you?"

"That's what I was trying to get you to do." I said grinding back against her again.

"Maybe we should just talk instead."

"Ugh, did you switch brains with Q?"

She growled and I knew I struck a nerve. "My bad...let's talk."

"No, you obviously need to be worn out, lay on your back."

I didn't hesitate as I laid on my back and opened my legs. I watched her, lit only by the streetlights peaking through my windows. I wanted this more than anything.

She took her time kissing my thighs and then my little bump before settling between my thighs.

When her lips sucked my clit, I wanted to cry out but my sister was on the other side of the wall and I didn't want to startle her. I bit into my palm and moved my hips against her face.

I was half in my head, thoughts of my father and Marco...even Carmen going through my brain which was making me essentially edge myself, I'd be close to orgasm and then I wouldn't.

When she had enough, she shoved her fingers inside of me and I came shuddering moments later. She climbed up my body and I kissed her face, liking my smell on her.

Much better than that musty smell that Finn had been leaving on her.

I felt nauseous at the thought and then very jealous as I rolled us over, laying half on top of her as I squeezed her breasts.

"Let me have you." I said even though I expected her to turn me down but then she grabbed my hand and pushed it into her panties.

"Please." She whimpered. It felt like an eternity since she had agreed to me getting to touch her and my fingers were immediately at work. No thoughts of anyone or anything else clouded my mind just the breathy moans that Britt had as she begged for more until I had four fingers inside of her. "Kiss me." She said and I sucked on her lips and then her neck as I listened to the whimpers. "So good, baby."

"I missed you." I said and she groaned as I flexed my fingers.

She wrapped her arms around me as she came, squealing against my shoulder.

There was no way that my sister hadn't heard that but I didn't care.

We were spent but still washed up on individual trips to the bathroom, knowing that if given the chance we'd be fucking in the shower but we were both tired and she had to deal with Sue very soon.

I slept for what felt like a moment but then I was up again, hunched over the toilet before the alarm went off. Britt stumbled in moments later and held my hair while I threw up bile. Then she handed me a glass of water and turned on the shower. It was almost 5 and we still had time to sleep but it was useless.

She washed my body and kissed my face sweetly, humming to me as she washed herself. "You should think about staying home today." She said and I didn't answer.

Being busy was the thing that would keep me from falling apart and I knew that school busy versus funeral planning busy were my only options. "I want to try to at least make it to practice." I said and she didn't argue.

Instead she dried me and spread lotion on my body...then let me do it right back. We were silent as we got ready and then I crumpled up my previous note to Sandra and put my hand in Britt's.

We walked onto the deserted field and I helped Britt stretch. It was a good distraction until I heard the whistle. I turned to see Sue coming our way. I took a deep breath and tried to smile.

"Santana, while I admire your commitment, I think you should skip practice today...it might even be wise to take the whole day instead of dealing with the overwhelming solos the glee club is sure to barrage you with."

"Are you sure?"

"Take her advice, babe, go home and rest, only come back if you feel stir crazy."

"Maybe I can sit in on practice just for a little while? I need some normalcy." They both nodded and then I saw Q come onto the field, looking like she'd just downed a million cups of coffee.

"San, what are you doing here?"

Sue gave me a pat on the shoulder and then looked down at her stopwatch as she walked away. "I'm going to check on any latecomers." She muttered but we paid her no mind.

"I came to drop off B...I was going to stay but I'm exhausted and I think I might go home and get some sleep."

"Good, go do that...we are here whenever."

"I know, Q...thanks."

I couldn't have been gone for more than 45 minutes but when I walked back into my apartment it to my mother and sisters having coffee at my table. They turned to me waiting for an answer to where I had been, but this was my apartment.

"Good morning." I said as I tossed my keys on the side table and kicked off my sneakers before going into the kitchen. They were watching me but I didn't care, I was relying on the fact that I didn't need to answer to anyone in my own home. So, I didn't, instead I leaned in and wrapped my arms around my mother and held her as she sobbed in my arms. I took in her spicy scent and it made me feel comforted.

I needed this embrace just as much as she did, even if it seemed a long time coming. When she finally let go, I headed straight for my room, I had an hour to get to my first period class and I didn't want to be late. There just wasn't enough time to sleep but I could give myself the alone time to find my face for the day.

I was still on the fence about going but the more ready I got, the more I felt like I could handle it. I blew through my morning routine with ease.

My body had more energy than it had last night. I knew that after staying up half the night with Britt and not sleeping, I should be dead on my feet but instead I felt energized and ready for my day.

My all black tracksuit and black sneakers fit perfectly with my mourning. Papi was still on my mind but I just needed a day to feel normal before all the planning started. I put my hair up in a high bun and then grabbed my books, I still had thirty minutes left by the time I walked out into the kitchen. They were still talking as I grabbed my keys but then Mami cleared her throat loudly, stopping me in my tracks.

Great.

"Mi'ja? Please sit down with us. Have some café?"

"I can't, I'm going to be late."

Also, the smell of the coffee made my stomach turn either in hunger or nausea I wasn't sure, but I didn't want to talk about that right now.

"Please? I just need your help planning things. Your father's will is very specific." I sighed and tossed my bag on the sofa and sat down next to it not wanting to upset Mami any further. I wanted to help any way that I could but right now, I just needed to be normal for one more day, but I couldn't turn her down.

She had lost the love of her life and I couldn't deny her this.

"Fine, Mami but I am only missing first period...then I have to go."

"Cafe?" She asked again, she was being so overly persistent, and I was agitated.

So, I snapped.

"No Mami, I can't have café, remember?" I said exasperated, I held my head in my hands and looked at the floor.

"Right, I forgot. Have you told the father yet?"

"I don't want to talk about that, Mami."

"Why not?"

"Drop it, please?"

"Tell me. Is it even Marco's baby, Santana?"

I felt like she wanted me to say it out loud, that I wasn't sure who had fathered my baby. Papi and I had squashed our stuff but me and Mami hadn't, not really and I was on fire.

"Actually Mami, to be honest, I don't know if this is Marco's baby. I guess, I'm just the little whore you always believed me to be!"

I don't even know where the outburst came from, but I could feel that I had obliterated the line.

"Santana!"

My mother placed her cup down on the table and pressed her lips firmly together. She looked around at my sisters and then her eyes landed back on me.

She was angry.

As if this was on purpose!

When Brenda had asked me a similar question last night, I was fine with it because she is my sister and she meant no harm. It was cool with me because there was no malice behind it, but when my own mother asked with a tone insinuating that I was a whore, I completely flipped out.

I picked up my bag and walked straight to the door, flinging it open. I paused and then turned back, looking her straight in the eyes trying my best to swallow back my tears.

I told the truth.

"Maybe if you had been a better mother, I wouldn't be so fucking screwed up. At least Papi owned up to being a shitty parent but you walk around like you're some prize of a mother. This is why God only gave you one because he knew that you could barely handle that much. So good job, Mami. Parent of the fucking year."

With that I slammed the door and rushed out of the building.

When I walked into school I was fuming. My night and early morning had been so amazing, so picture perfect but now I had to deal with insinuations. I stormed through the halls in full queen bitch mode and the sea of peasants moved for me as I made my way to my locker. Everyone in Lima knew about my father by now and nobody could blame me for unleashing hell on the next person to say stupid shit to me.

They all turned away not wanting to be that person. At least some people knew when to back the hell off and then there are the people who can cut through everything and get to the heart of me.

People like Q.

"Hey San."

"Hey, Q."

"You're pissed, that must mean your mom is finally back in town."

"Yea."

"You fought?"

"Yea, she wanted to know if I told the father of the baby yet as if that is fucking important right now!"

"She had no right to do that especially not right now."

"You know that. I fucking know that, but she doesn't apparently understand that!"

"Mothers never do."

"Ugh!"

I huffed out shoving my book bag in my locker.

"On a brighter note...I heard."

"Heard what?"

"I heard that you're official with Britt finally."

I couldn't help the small smile that spread across my face as I blushed, leave it to Quinn to know how to make me get over myself.

"Yea, I am done with the bullshit. I can't waste anymore time being scared of what other people think of me."

"That's great to hear!" she said patting me on the back.

"Speaking of B, have you seen her?"

"Sue kept her after practice."

"Oh."

As I grabbed my books and shut my locker I got a whiff of some guys breakfast and I had to literally sprint to the closest bathroom.

This pregnancy sucked already.

"I do not miss morning sickness. Here drink this." Quinn said as she stood over me, blocking the stall.

I chugged the bottle of water that she handed me.

She helped me up and then handed me a lollipop.

"These helped me. I bought a whole bag for you yesterday." She handed me a bag of lollipops and smiled.

"Thanks Q."

"Just trying to be a good Godmother."

"Well you are doing a great so far! Just keep these coming."

I spent the rest of the day with the candy shoved in my mouth and because I am such a great student my teachers let me be. Also, no teacher wanted to be the one to give the girl whose father was just murdered, detention.

The candy was working like a charm, for the most part, the only exception was the rank smell in the cafeteria.

Britt hadn't really been around all day which made me anxious since we had such a good time the night before, but I was too distracted to go looking for her.

Frankly, I was just trying not to vomit in front of everyone.

I almost didn't make it to the bathroom after the combination of smells and the sight of people gorging on their lunches made my stomach turn violently.

So, I spent the rest of lunch sitting on the bleachers.

The one thing I was sure of though was that this baby was serving as a great distraction from my issues.

So much so, that I almost forgot about what would be awaiting me when I got home.