Chapter 35: After the Love Has Gone (Earth, Wind Fire)

I had cried myself to sleep and was awakened by the sun shining on my face. I turned towards the other side of the room, not even sure I wanted to fight her on this break but the bed that Britt was laying in was empty and made up fresh.

Britt was already gone.

My face fell, and my heart hurt but it was done, and I had to suck it up. We'd tried for a whole month, every single day and it never really worked if I was honest with myself.

In fact, I had been wishing to be alone for most of it because she just wasn't giving me what I needed and kept trying to rule me at my most vulnerable, so even though I ached, I knew that this was for the best.

She was off living her life while I shouldered the heaviness here. She'd gotten away,

Good for her...

Who the fuck am I trying to kid, this was horrible, all that I had fought for back in New York was for nothing. She couldn't get over the Marco hump and shit, why should she. I came with baggage and a baby...why would she want to stick around if she really didn't need to.

I stared at the empty bed, trying to tell myself all the reasons that this was a good thing and that it was better that she left before I could argue with her again. I would probably have avoided her until she left any way.

Right?

The sun coming in through the window was hot on my skin and when I reached for my phone I saw that it was already 10, which meant she should already be in New York...far, far away from my drama.

There was a knock at my door and in came my sisters with my mom. I attempted to sit up but there was more pain than I could deal with at the moment, so I just laid still and waited for them to come to me.

Damariz gave me a once over and then adjusted my bed a bit so that I could sit up.

"For someone who has been in this hospital twice in the last three months you would think that I would know how to do that by now." I joked.

No one laughed.

"Mi'ja…what happened to you? To Brittany?"

I sighed and looked into my mother's bloodshot eyes and knew that this wasn't the time for jokes because she was truly concerned that me and B had taken to beating each other.

She must have left without saying anything to them, leaving me to carry the load...as always.

"Marco paid me a visit last night and he roughed me up a bit, but I got some good hits in too. Then Britt came and made him leave and then I snapped. She was trying to check on me, but I got pissed off and I punched my mirror, she tried to check on me again and I pushed her really hard and she fell into the bedpost. I didn't mean for this to happen."

"I knew it! I knew that you pushed her on purpose!" Quinn said as she shut the door behind her.

I dropped my head and tried to avoid her eyes.

This was embarrassing.

She sat on the empty hospital bed next to Sandra and glared at me, when I looked around at my family, the same people let me get abused right in front of them, I could see that they were all disappointed in me and a big part of me didn't give a flying fuck.

I was the one in the cast with a bruised neck and cheek.

"It was an accident Mami. I'm not like Marco…not like Papi." I said looking at my mom who had tears in her eyes.

"I don't like any of this, Santana."

Full name…I can count on one hand the amount of times that my mom has called me by it.

"Well we broke up, so you don't have to worry about me hurting her anymore, Quinn."

"I know."

The room got quiet and then I got sick of it, I decided to change the subject.

"Where's Brenda?"

"She is back in L.A." Damariz said.

"Why, I thought we were going to have dinner?"

"She left after you did, I've never seen her so upset. Bren was giving up a holiday with her kids to be here and then you left, so she went home." Celia said pushing my hair from my face.

"I wish she had stayed."

"Well, she figured you weren't giving her anything and coming here was a waste of her time."

"But I wasn't trying to waste her time...Marco threw me off and I needed to get away from him. I'm sorry that I left. I have no intention of keeping money from her, from any of you."

"Well you can keep my share of whatever you were planning on giving me because I'm good. Okay?" Sandra said, giving me a great big grin as she rubbed her belly.

Damariz, who was reading my chart and making notes like she should not have been doing, piped in, "Me either, I don't need a penny. But Brenda…she has it pretty hard. She has the four kids, her husband died in Iraq, and I know for a fact that she struggles to put food on her table. Coming here twice really broke the bank. So even if she is a bitch to you, I can see why she is so upset. I try to help her out with money the best that I can, but she doesn't like to borrow anything, so this money would have been hers fair and square. It could set her up for life." Damariz said.

"I know what she has been through, despite it not being reciprocal I have kept up with every single one of you. I have sent my nephews that I have never even met a birthday present ever since they were born…does she think about that when she calls me selfish?"

"Ana, I think that she was out of line yesterday and just like you with Brittany last night, her anger was misplaced."

Celia had hit me where it hurt, and I was immediately quiet.

"Well, I made my decision yesterday. I want to settle this now so that we can go back home and have a peaceful Thanksgiving dinner. So, Mari can you call her and put her on speaker phone, please?"

Q looked uncomfortable as she stood by the window, "Hey Q?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you take my phone to the hall and call Sal, tell him I made a decision and I want to speak to him on Friday?"

"I can do that." Q took my phone and went out into the hall, leaving us to handle family business. I didn't want to just ask her to leave because she was more family to me than most of my blood relatives, but my sisters didn't know her like I did. So even though she was still pissed at me, I would look out for her.

Everyone gathered around closer to my bed as we listened to Brenda answering the phone. I could hear her kids in the background laughing and it made me smile.

"Hello Mari."

"Hey Brenda? It's Santana."

"Oh...hi."

"Look, I want to apologize for making you think that I don't care about what happens with you or the kids. I love you guys and I think it's pretty fucked up that Papi decided to do this...I hate it almost as much as you do. I made a decision yesterday and I have all the girls here, so I wanted to square it away and not wait any longer. Is that okay?"

"Um…okay...go ahead?" she said sounding unsure.

"Hey Bren…its Mari, let's just hear her out okay?"

"Okay…fine, say what you have to say, Santana."

"Papi did a shitty thing by putting this choice on my shoulders and it's not a responsibility that I want. So first, I want you to know that I'm setting up a family trust with a quarter of the money for all the grandchildren. For each you I'm signing off on 2.5 million dollars. If Sandra and Damariz still want to forfeit their share then they can decide how to do it. Does that work for you ladies? I can make sure Sal distributes the money before Christmas."

"Thank you Santana. That is very big of you."

"No, thank you for hearing me out, I love you. Kisses to my sobrinos!"

"Bye Bren! Happy Thanksgiving!" Damariz yelled out.

My other sisters followed up with similar sentiments.

Once I settled the money issue the tension between my sisters seemed to ease enough for them to leave happy. I was being discharged in a short while, so they wanted to go get dinner started.

Now all I needed to worry about was how to fix the other fucked up shit in my life. I couldn't have my baby coming into this world with all this crazy stuff going on.

Quinn stuck around to help me get dressed and I could feel the irritation coming off of her in waves, but I wasn't going to acknowledge it.

Instead I chose to talk business.

"What did Sal say?"

"He was very nice, he said that he would be in contact early next week since he is headed out of state with his family."

"Thanks."

"So, what happens next with you and B?"

"Nothing, she broke it off...so I guess that we're done."

"She told me that she asked for a break…that this isn't a break up."

"Well to me it is. Santana Lopez is in it for the long haul, I don't do breaks."

"Come on, San…don't get all resentful."

"Fuck that, I was committed and cemented in this relationship, no matter what and she breaks up with me like nothing, why shouldn't I be resentful?"

"Can you blame her? She came back to you literally running from your ex-husband that you let in your apartment after you'd spent the day with me.

"I'm still married. Legally, she's in the wrong...sure I don't want to be married to the fucker, but it is what it is."

"All I'm saying is that it's a break."

"Yea BREAK up!"

When we got back to my apartment, I could see specks of dried blood on my tan carpet leading to the doorway but that was the only evidence of what had happened the night before.

Mami and Quinn had done a good job cleaning the bedroom. My shattered mirror was gone, as was the dresser that it was attached to. All of my clothes were folded neatly on my bed, which made packing a bag for the weekend much easier.

"Looks like I need a dresser." I said, and Q nodded.

"We tried to take the mirror off, but it ripped the back of the dresser off. Gladys said that dresser had been hers when she was a teenager, so it was due to be thrown out."

"I do have another dresser...getting it though might be an issue."

She froze.

"You said you didn't want anything out of Marco's house."

"Well now I think I do."

"Well there is no way you can lift it and I'm not that strong."

"Right...it's fine, I'll just hit the black Friday sales and get one then."

"Ohhhh shopping, I'm game."

"It's a plan, Q."

When we were headed to Mami's, Q got really quiet and I knew that this was all really bothering her. I hated that she had changed her whole world for me. It was no wonder that she wanted to go to a college in a whole different city and state than me.

She needed the break.

Just like everyone else.

"You don't have to choose you know."

"Yea…I know."

"You can be her friend and mine too. This doesn't change anything."

"I know…she told me the same thing when I took her to the airport this morning."

"So, you're the one that took her?"

"Yeah."

"Was she upset?"

"Yes, she cried the whole time but what do you care. It's over, right?"

"She is still my best friend, Quinn."

"Well fucking act like it, Santana."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"You know what it means. She told me what you said to her last night when she told you that she loved you."

"Yea…so."

"You hadn't been bitch enough to her? Did you see her face? She has to go to her first practice ever with a bruise on her face and stitches above her eye. You don't think that sucks for her?"

"Have you seen my fucking face lately, Q? No…how about my neck?"

"This is different, and you know it. You don't love Marco, but you love Britt and she loves you. This is worse I don't care if it's three stitches or ten thousand."

"Fine. You're right Q."

"I am right."

"Just let me know…are you and I going to be like this now? Instead of you on my side you are just going to continuously make me feel guilty? If that is how this is going to be I would rather we just take a break from you too."

"You don't mean that." She said as she pulled into my driveway.

"Yes, the fuck I do."

"I'm just going to ignore your shitty attitude and just remember that you are in pain without painkillers. It is just the pain talking. You can't get rid of me as easy as you did with Britt."

"Yea…I know." I let out a huge sigh and then winked at her. "Let's go throw on some sweats and watch some football, okay?" I said as we climbed out the car.

"Cheerleader, much?

"Once a cheerleader, always a cheerleader!" I said, pumping my right fist in the air. "I may even still have some spare pompoms."

Thanksgiving dinner went off without a bit of drama and even though we were on a supposed break, I had a bunch of missed calls and texts from B that I left unanswered. It had to be like ripping off a band-aid for me, I couldn't ease into a break.

Even though she was my friend and I loved her, this was not how I wanted her. It was everything or nothing at all and after my exhausting last 24 hours, I just needed to be focused on my health and the baby's.

I was shuffling around the house holding my back and Damariz was side eyeing me the whole time.

"Can I give some unsolicited medical advice?"

"Like you are going to wait for my opinion!"

She cackled and shrugged.

"You should be on bed rest for the next few days...your body has been though some trauma and for the sake of that little boy, you need to rest."

The whole room froze and so did I.

"Wait...it's a boy?"

She got red and then slapped her forehead.

"You didn't know? It was on your chart from your exam. I'm so sorry to spill the beans."

I looked at Q and felt the tears coming down.

"I'm having boy, Q."

"Yeah you are!" She said and then hugged me tightly. "I agree with Damariz, you should absolutely be taking care of him."

"Okay, I'll stay in bed until Sunday when I go home but that means you're going to have to go find me a new bedroom set."

"Wait...you just said a dresser?"

"I can't have mismatched furniture, I'm so not a hipster. Everything MUST match."

Q rolled her eyes and pointed at Mari.

"You put her on bed rest, you stay with her. I'm not missing black Friday shopping!"

"Fine, I'll send you with my list then."

"Wait, is no one going to talk about the fact that Papi had all girls and wanted a boy, now all of his grandchildren are boys...no one?" Celia said.

Mami smiled so brilliantly.

"What a blessing...although, next time Santana...a girl would be nice."

"Oh no...this little boy is my only child. I'm done after him!"

"Ha, that's what Brenda said, and she has four boys!" Sandra said.

"Well, I'm a lesbian so how hard can it be not to get pregnant again?"

Quinn was cackling now, "Oh San, you always find a way to defy the odds."

"You suck...keep talking and I'm going to make my shopping list longer!"

The atmosphere in Mami's house was so much better than I could ever remember it with all of us laughing. If this was the family that my son was coming into, I knew that I'd be alright with or without Brittany.

It was my last night at Mami's house before I headed home to my apartment that had my new furniture in it. I was crazy excited because the pull-out sofa in the den was crazy uncomfortable. Mami insisted that it was safer than me climbing up and down the stairs when I was supposed to be off my feet. This way I was steps away from the kitchen and a bathroom.

Britt and I still weren't speaking but after spending two nights alone in the den, I was tempted to call her but every time that I even thought about it I could hear her voice in my head asking for a break.

The bruises on my neck and shoulders were already starting to fade along with the bruise on my cheek, thankfully it was just a mark without swelling. Covering it up for school on Monday would be much easier.

My hand was the only thing that was still bugging me and with no ability to take medication, I was doing everything that I could to not move it too much.

My anger at Marco was still simmering beneath the surface and I knew that if I had full use of my primary hand, I would have blown out his brains by now. I was hoping that he had headed back to the city and decided to leave me alone, but I wasn't so lucky.

I had just fallen asleep on Saturday night when I was startled awake by his hand clasped over my mouth to muffle my yelp. He had that maniacal look in his eyes, so I tried to swing my cast at him but then I felt the pain of him holding it above my head with his other hand.

"Do as I say and neither one of us gets hurt, Princesa. This time I won't go for your neck...Got it?"

I nodded my head as the tears dripped from my eyes.

"Good girl, I want two things from you and then I'll go." I nodded again, "I'm going to move my hand from your mouth and if you scream I swear I will kill this baby."

The look in his eyes proved just how serious he was so I nodded with tears in my eyes, knowing that he meant every word that he uttered.

I wrapped my free hand over my baby bump and just prayed that he would leave but he spread my legs apart and knelt between them.

"No." I whimpered, and he looked fiercely at me.

"Show me how you can be quiet, Princesa." He said as he lifted my shirt and roughly ran a hand over my stomach. I wanted to die right then as he proved Brittany right. He owned me, and I was helpless in the face of him. How could I protect my son when I could barely protect myself?

He began to unzip his pants now that my shirt was bunched under my chin.

Times like this I was cursing the fact that he knew that I liked to sleep in the bare minimum. Tears were leaking down the sides of my face as I bit into my lip. The pain was instantaneous as he entered me swiftly.

My head was zipping moments later, and I knew what he had done. I glared at him and he smirked...only once had he done this when I refused to do coke. He'd spread it on himself before fucking me.

Just like now and I was trying my hardest not to scream. The baby would feel this hit just as much as I would, and I had no way to help him.

Marco was looking down at me and I didn't dare shut my eyes, knowing that he got too excited when he knew that I was cowering. So, I looked him in the eyes, knowing it freaked him out...knowing that my eyes reminded him of his dead mother's.

He gripped my face and turned it away from him and I knew that I had succeeded. He began to go painfully slow, keeping me hanging on.

Then something crinkled and he was putting his finger under my nose.

"Come on, Princesa...it won't hurt...just a taste."

"No."

"Do it...now!"

I sniffed, and my body felt higher than ever before.

"What was that?"

"Something special."

"I don't want to die." I whimpered.

"Oh, that won't kill you or the baby...it's just going to remind your body that you're depriving it." He grunted, and my stomach turned, "Mmmm... I missed this pussy. The only other thing that I want Santana, is alimony when I divorce you."

My eyes shot open, this was about the money, probably always had been but more importantly he wanted a divorce?

Of course, he wanted money, if that was it then I would pay him off, but news of a divorce had my attention and if he needed the money to keep feeding his addiction I'd give it to him because, I knew what that felt like.

I could see that his eyes were bloodshot and that he was as high as a kite.

When he came he rammed even harder and I was certain that he ripped me as the pain shot through my groin. I groaned as he pulled out and then slapped my crotch as hard as he could.

I nearly bit through my lip as he climbed off me and left me lying there like a piece of trash.

"The papers should be showing up any day now."

With that he left, and I laid there sobbing, clutching my stomach and thanking God that he didn't hurt my baby. I had come so far from this disgusting feeling, I wasn't going to let him have this much control over me anymore.

The high was coursing through me but my love for my son was stronger. I reached for my phone and then scrolled through my contacts as I heard the front door close.

"I need you..." I whispered into the phone just in case he hadn't actually left.

"Santana, honey what's wrong."

"Mari, please...I think...I'm dying...please?" I could feel my body go weak as I laid back on the bed, my head buzzing. Footsteps thundered down the stairs. I had given up my bedroom to my sister and was grateful that she was in the same house.

"Oh my God!" Sandra yelled as she turned on the light. I was half sitting, half laying there and then I looked down and saw the sheets were stained red.

Damariz was shining a light in my eyes and then feeling my pulse.

She looked at Sandra and whispered harshly, "She's high."

"What?!"

"Mar...Marco...rape...oh God...I can't...I can't br...breathe." I stuttered out, holding my hand to my chest.

I heard more footsteps and then Mami came in with the phone to her ear.

"An ambulance is on the way." She said, looking over at me with tears in her eyes.

Between Mami and Damariz, they managed to dress me.

"Do you want to clean up first?" Sandra asked but I shook my head and felt the conviction deep in my soul.

"Had enough, need a rape kit...need evidence."

The look on Sandra's face was one of pride as she nodded her head and then looped her arm through mine, knowing that I had finally had enough of the bullshit. On top of that, it was doing what Britt had asked of me. I was cutting Marco off from me the best way that I could.

After they checked on the baby and promised me that I was going to be okay, I refused to be admitted. I allowed the rape kit and promised my sisters and mom that I would be pressing charges on Monday morning.

I asked them to take me home straight from the hospital because there was no way I could go back to the house or that den. I really just wanted to be alone but Mami wasn't having it and neither was Damariz and since they both insisted on staying in the apartment with me, Sandra came too.

Once they were all asleep though, I laid there still feeling him inside me...still feeling the crash of the drugs and I knew that I couldn't let this shit stand.

I crept from the bedroom and pulled my lock box from behind the couch.

Marco's voice lingered in my head as I slid on my sneakers. "Show me how you can be quiet, Princesa."

I left the apartment without a single one of them realizing it, with my gun tucked in my coat pocket. It wasn't until I began to pull out of the parking lot, with only one good hand on the wheel that I saw the lights come on in my apartment.

As I pulled onto the road, my Bluetooth started pinging. "Call from Mari." I ignored it and then made the fifteen-minute drive to West Lima.

I hadn't been back to the house since I nearly died the first time. It was dark and there wasn't a car in sight but that didn't mean that he wasn't here.

He was too lazy to change his habits, so when I unlocked the door with my keys, I knew that I was already ahead of the game.

I silently climbed the stairs and then pushed open the bedroom door. He was laying face down on the bed, snoring away.

Not much had changed since I had last seen the room. I walked over to him and pressed the gun to the back of his head, he had never been a heavy sleeper, so I wasn't surprised when his body went stiff.

"Don't you fucking move." I said, and he started laughing.

"You sure you want to do this, Princesa?"

"I came to get what is mine and I want you to let me do it...without interruption."

"That taste brought you home, wife?"

"Maybe...I'm pressing charges on Monday, I will only drop them if you sign those papers and take a onetime payout."

"Why would I take that deal?"

"Because, if you don't I'll tell them where the body is buried."

"You wouldn't."

"Do you want to call my bluff because I'm feeling increasingly unhinged?"

"Fine...get what you came for."

"I need it in writing."

"Right now?"

"Yes, motherfucker...right now!"

I stepped back but kept the gun aimed at his head. He sat up and looked at me with fear for the first time. I don't think he realized that he had crossed a line until this moment.

He pulled out a legal pad and wrote out, line by line what I wanted and when he was done, he created a signature line for him and one for me.

I wouldn't make the mistake of putting my weapon down like before, no this time I cocked the gun as I read over the paper and then I signed on the line.

"Satisfied?"

"Give me what's left of my stash."

"There's not much."

I waved the gun towards the dresser and watched him as he went over, eyeing me through the mirror as he stuffed little baggies into two velvet bags before leaving them on the dresser and going back to the bed.

"No...you will escort me to the car, I'm not going to let you have time to get your gun. I've learned my lesson to never underestimate you...half naked or not."

He nodded and picked up the bags, walking in front of me down the stairs and to the door. I stuffed the signed agreement into my coat along with the velvet bags and kept my gun cocked, pressed against him until I was safely in my car.

Once I was inside, I did what Papi had always taught me. I tucked it all away in my secret spots in the car before pulling away.

There's no reason on this Earth that I should have made it home without a cop tailing me and I didn't trust that Marco wouldn't find a way to retaliate so I had to make my next moves very carefully.

Or risk everything.