Anai goes to the doctor

Author's note: I finally watched all of season three the other week and screamed that Anai really does actually write a book because wtf I had just made that up in my Anai fanfictions for the lulz. Reread them now knowing that I had no idea he wrote a book. I was just projecting my shit into my stories like the cringe shit I am. Well that's neat shit.

Anai was at work and suddenly felt ill. "FUCK!" He shouted while simultaneously disturbing his obviously uncomfortable coworkers. "GOD FUCK!" He slapped Haida. "Take me to the fucking doctor."

Haida sighed so used to the badger badgering him. "Anai, can't you go yourself?"

"TAKE ME TO THE FUCKING DOCTOR!"

The hyena groaned and got up. "Fine, Anai. Let's go, but first, we'll have to ask the boss permission to leave for the day."

Director Ton was sitting at his desk using a backscratcher to scratch his back glancing around the office until he caught the attention of the badger glaring in his direction in a threatening manner. He oinked and shrank down in his desk.

"We can go." Muttered Anai still glaring at his boss. He did not once take his menacing glare off of him. As soon as the two were near his desk, Anai whispered. "You're so fucking raw that you resemble the whip wounds upon Papa John's ass caused by his self-loathing and unbridled rage against his own pizza - AND THAT'S FUCKING RAW, YOU PUTRID UNCOOKED BACON!" He spat at his boss until Haida pulled him out of the office.

Ton sobbed under his desk.

Outside it was raining. "CARRY ME!" Shrieked Anai. "CARRY ME NOW!"

"Anai, I'm not going to carry you! You're too heavy."

Anai slapped him. "CARRY ME!"

"God, fine." He bent over. "Crawl onto my back. I could try giving you a piggyback ride."

The badger crawled onto Haida's back to which he began to wobble from the weight of his coworker. "Jeez, Anai! You're so fucking heavy."

"Are you fucking insinuating that I'm fat?"

"No, this isn't a threat. Please don't send me emails."

"YOU'RE CALLING ME FAT! I'M SENDING A FUCKING EMAIL TONIGHT. I DEMAND A RESPONSE IN WRITTEN FORM."

The two collapsed onto the ground into a puddle of water.

"Listen… Anai. The doctor's office is right next door to our office. Can't you just go in by yourself?"

"GO IN WITH ME!"

"Fine." He got up and was about to enter the doctor's office until Anai slapped him.

"WE ARE GOING AROUND THE BUILDING AND YOU ARE CARRYING ME!"

"ANAI, IT'S FUCKING RAINING AND THE OFFICE IS RIGHT HERE!"

Anai glared at him and then slapped him. "I'M COLD. I'M DRENCHED IN RAINWATER. I'M SCARED. I'M SICK. WE ARE GOING AROUND THE BUILDING."

After five painful hours of struggle and angst later the two walked around the entire building finally arriving at the doctor's office. Fenneko was standing by the doors drinking a beer. "God damn, you two missed the doctor's office by like a whole fucking building."

"I KNOW!" Shouted Haida. "BUT ANAI—"

Anai screeched. "SHUT UP!"

They entered the office. Anai slapped everybody in the waiting room. Haida sighed and signed in for the badger. The two waited to be called. A few hours later they were finally called in to be seen by Dr. Hippo.

"Well, what brings you here to the office?" Said Dr. Hippo holding a clipboard.

"I'm fucking sick." Responded Anai. "Fix me."

"And I'm obligated to be here." Sighed Haida.

"Sir, it seems your badger has rabies and will need to be put down."

"WHAT?"

"WHAT THE HELL?!" Shrieked Anai. "YOU DIDN'T EVEN PROPERLY EXAM ME!"

"Not to worry, the euthanasia will be quick and painless." Shouted Dr. Hippo as he body-slammed his entire body on top of the terrified badger smooshing him into the floor.

"JESUS CHRIST, THIS IS NOT ETHICAL! GET OFF HIM!"

After a couple of minutes, Haida managed to roll the hippo off. Anai was shivering on the floor and quickly curled up into a ball entirely traumatized. "YOU TRIED TO KILL ME!" He shrieked at Dr. Hippo. "YOU TRIED TO KILL ME! YOU FUCKING TRIED TO KILL ME! I'LL SUE YOU FOR MALPRACTICE!"

Haida sighed. "Anai, you killed/cooked half our coworkers and threaten to kill me on a daily basis — how is this any different?"

Anai got up from the floor and slapped him. "FUCK UP! FUCK YOU ALL! YOU'RE ALL FUCKING MONSTERS! I'LL SUE YOU SO HARD YOU'LL NEVER WORK IN THE MEDICAL BUSINESS AGAIN!" He stormed out of the room and then slapped everybody in the waiting room. "YOU'RE ALL FUCKING AWFUL!"

To be continued.