Chapter 39: Broken-Hearted Girl (Beyoncé)

I gripped Q's hand as we followed Sue down to her office. Even though I was off the team and Quinn was still on it, she seemed to be dragging her feet a bit as we walked. I didn't want to harass her about it because I knew that whatever the reason, she would just play it off because that's what Fabray's did.

My stomach was beginning to gurgle as my son made his need for food known. It seemed that eating meals on a schedule had shown him that cocaine wasn't the only thing available to eat. It was a good thing until this moment when Sue was on a rampage and I would have to put off eating until she was through with holding us hostage. We were supposed to be going to lunch and my rumbling belly made that plain.

"I'd kill for some tots right about now."

"Did you eat this morning?" Q whispered to me as the noise reach her ears.

"Yeah but the smell of boy funk and bad breath had me hurling by second period."

"I thought your morning sickness was over."

"Me too." I said.

"Is it withdrawal? Have you slipped?" I shrugged and didn't say another word. "Okay, I won't push...maybe we can do an early dinner instead something light?"

I nodded as we stepped into the empty office.

"Sounds like a plan, Q ball."

Confusion hit me as I looked around Sue's office, the chairs had been pushed against the wall, which usually meant this was a standing meeting. Only I wasn't a Cheerio or their manager anymore and I was pregnant.

"You can't actually expect me to stand here while you browbeat us, can you?" I scoffed.

"You can, and you will. You are not an invalid!" Sue barked at me.

Why was I here and where the heck was B?

"San do you really think anything you say will talk her down? Come stand with me." I didn't have time to answer Q before Sue started to circle us like a hungry lion. Quinn pulled me next to her and in the spirit of old habits dying hard, I dropped my head and clutched Q's hand. The sooner I fell in line, the sooner this crazy old bat will have her tantrum and I can gets my tots on.

But then Q started shaking next to me as Sue circled.

"San...I need you to know...I love you." Q whispered and now I was feeling like the only one in the room without a clue.

"What aren't you telling me, Q?"

She shook her head and then Sue was glaring at us so we both kept our heads down trying to avoid all measures of eye contact with her. Her presence was usually enough to intimidate us and giving her eye contact would just egg her on. When I left the Cheerios for good, I thought that I was done with these kinds of meetings but like Quinn always said, once a Cheerio, always a Cheerio.

"What's this about, coach?" I asked finally, when the nausea from her circling us became too much.

"Can either of you tell me why Madonna herself called me crying about Brittany?"

"Shouldn't you be asking Britt that?"

"I have talked to Brittany and that warranted no results, so naturally I had to drag you two in here. I just want to know why she quit the tour."

My head snapped up before I could stop myself, I looked straight at Sue and then over at Q, who hadn't even flinched and then back at Sue...I couldn't contain myself.

This was news to me!

"What?"

I looked over at Quinn again and although her head was bowed, she was turning bright red. I dropped her hand that a moment before had been giving me comfort. We weren't supposed to have secrets between us.

Fucking secrets!

I became just as enraged as Sue.

"Lucille Quinn Fabray, is this what your problem has been? You knew for how long, no scratch that, you knew, and you didn't fucking say anything to me?"

She jumped in place as I yelled nearly in her ear.

I had been playing nice ever since she dragged me out of bed and she lied to me all this time.

We had been in a good place but now...that was out the fucking window!

"S?" Sue barked at me.

"Yes coach?"

"How do I deal with secrets?"

"Other than waterboarding? Immediate expulsion from the team, coach."

I watched as tears fell from Quinn's face straight to the floor. I knew that while she bitched about becoming captain all through camp, I knew that she had started loving it again and that this was the last thing that she wanted. I took a step away from her because I could see that Sue was about to rip into her and I didn't want to be caught in the crossfire.

"How long have you known about this, Q?" Sue asked calmly.

Quinn must have had a good reason not to say anything at that moment because instead of answering Sue like she normally would she just shrugged her shoulders.

Bad move.

Sue was fuming now, pacing back and forth and clenching her fists.

"Q, don't make it harder on yourself." I urged but she shook her head, still refused to say anything. "What is the big deal? You and Britt barely get along and now you're keeping secrets for her, even from me?"

She shrugged again.

Why was she being so stubborn?

I hadn't seen her this upset since after Beth. She was crying so hard that her shoulders were curled in on themselves and she was shaking. This was bigger than the tour, it had to be.

God, what had I missed?

I tried to coax her a few more times but each time I spoke, she cried even harder.

What the fuck?

"Santana! Go out to the field and get Brittany!" Sue barked at me.

I hesitated because while I had stepped away from Q, I still didn't want to abandon her but then for the first time Q spoke to me.

"Go Santana." she mumbled. "I'm fine here."

I didn't believe her for a second, but I wasn't going to stand there like an idiot and make Sue angrier.

My back ached, and my stomach grumbled as I made my way out to the bleachers. I found B sitting there in her street clothes with her prized uniform crammed in her fists. Sue wasn't playing games, from the looks of it, she had already acted against B.

She looked like she was about to go head off to war.

"B?" I said as I touched her shoulder.

She looked up with scared eyes obviously not expecting me...given that I had barely spoken to her since the whole slushy incident and her short sweetness a week ago. As much as she promised to be better, I just wasn't ready, and she had stepped back romantically. We had been working on being just friends first.

Once she went home that night, I had pulled back into my shell but continued to eat and appear healthy, so we just barely spoke or rather I just half ignored her, especially since she and Olivia were attached at the hip these days.

Here I was though, trying to help her this time.

"Yea?" she croaked out to me.

"Sue said you quit the tour. Why didn't you tell me?"

She shrugged, and my hackles were up because honestly why was everyone fucking shrugging.

"Sue wants to see you in her office. Come on, I left Q in there alone and I think Sue is going to kill her."

"Oh no."

Britt gaped back at me in horror as she nervously stood to her feet.

She looked at me with sad eyes and then walked around me. I was thrown off, for a whole week she had suddenly started pulling away from me and this was just one more thing. She walked ahead of me into the tunnel that led to the locker rooms and coaches' offices.

No pinky link...just her walking as fast as her legs could carry her.

I was getting heavier and walking was a pain in the ass, but I tried my best to keep up with her which was pointless since her legs were longer and she walked as fast as some people ran. Plus, she seemed to be walking faster than me on purpose but that didn't seem right.

I pushed myself to move faster and was almost on her heels.

Almost.

Sue's office was deadly quiet when we got there.

The door had been open but there were no sounds.

Britt pushed the door open more and then quickly closed it in my face before I could enter.

Huh?

I heard the lock click soon after that.

You have got to be kidding me!

I stepped to the side and watched them through the window.

Britt was crying hard as she put her uniform on Sue's desk, just like Q, the Cheerios were a dream and losing it hurt more than anything.

Quinn still stood just as I had left her, but Sue now sat behind her desk with her head resting on her fists.

Britt stood in front of the desk now blocking Q from Sue's vision and was mumbling something to Sue.

I kept catching Sue shooting me quick looks through the window. Almost like she felt sorry for me.

Was this about me?

Oh, hell no!

I wasn't going to stand for it, I couldn't stand there and watch this any longer. My stomach was hurting, and my back was screaming at me, so I walked off to my gym locker and sat in front of it thinking about everything that had happened.

What was I missing?

How could they leave me out of this if it had something to do with me?

I opened my book bag, dug in the pockets and hoped that I had left myself a little something. My head was pounding as I tried to get find some sort of release but then I heard the throat clearing and I turned to find Q standing there with bloodshot eyes.

This shit ended here and now. I was on my feet arms crossed with my eyes glaring.

"What else aren't you telling me, Q?"

"You should sit back down."

"Why?"

"Please? San...please just sit?" she whispered.

This was the first time that I had ever seen her beg for anything from me, so I sat down and looked up at her expectantly. I may have wanted to kick her ass for being evasive but if she was telling me to sit down, then it was for a reason maybe for more than one reason.

Once I was sitting, she took my hand in her own and squeezed it.

"Q, please? I'm already close to the edge."

More tears came after that and she shook her head as she cried...then I squeezed her hand back and she gave me a small smile.

"It happened after Christmas...when we left your apartment, we dropped off Rachel and then me and Britt got trashed and some things were said...things that I should have kept to myself."

I raised my eyebrow at her and was mentally trying to remember if there was anything that I was keeping from B.

But I couldn't think of anything.

"I don't get what you could have said that would be bad."

"That...that I..."

"Spit it out Q!"

"That I'm..."

"That's she's in love with you and that she is the only one good enough for you. That you admitted to loving her and wished you'd picked her instead of me." I heard Britt loud and clear from behind me. I looked at my best friend could see the sadness in her eyes. "and how you two have been making out with each other behind my back."

"What the fuck?!" I dropped Q's hand and threw up my hands, confused. "Why Q? That was always for comfort. You know that! We agreed we wouldn't talk about it. Remember?"

Q shrugged.

"I guess I...was just jealous and wanted her to hurt just as much as she was hurting you."

"You're dating Rachel and what do you mean she's hurting me?!"

"I...I don't know what to say." She finished lamely.

"Do you love her back, Ana?" Britt croaked out.

I turned to Britt and shook my head.

"Not like that B, it's always been you." I said without a moment's hesitation and that's when I watched B's face shatter into a million pieces.

There was more?

I pushed to my feet, ready to prove my loyalty and love. When I opened my arms to Britt she broke down. Quinn was crying even harder now, her arms wrapped around herself as she wept. Britt was looking just as bad and I didn't even know where to start with either of them.

Britt wrapped her arms around me and cried into my shoulder. I rubbed at her back and kissed her shoulder as she placed her hand on my stomach. Even in her sadness, she was acknowledging the baby.

It calmed me until I paid closer attention to her crying.

She kept mumbling in my ear the same phrase repeatedly.

"I'm sorry, I thought I could just push it all away and then I couldn't look you in the eyes anymore, I'm sorry."

I stood back and pushed on her shoulder with my good hand but this time I didn't push her away, I held tight. Was this about her whole failed act of chivalry last week?

An act that sent me down another spiral the first moment that she broke her word.

Little bumps...tiniest of bumps...each day and I was wishing right then I could sneak away for another. I swallowed the nausea and ignored the tremors as I looked into Britt's eyes.

"You promised to hold me up last week and then each day you pulled away or had an excuse about being busy...what did you do that has you like this because I told you, if you hurt me I wouldn't forgive you...but you know me, B. You know that I find it hard to be mad at you. So just tell me why you're sorry so I can forgive you and we can move on."

She was crying harder now. "I'm so stupid." She said before swallowing back more tears.

"What are you sorry about, B?"

"That I didn't have faith in us...that's why I did it."

I let go of her and finally sat down, I knew what she was going to say before she even said it...my heart was shattering in my chest.

"Who was she?"

"Huh?"

"Who did you fuck?"

"My choreographer, that's why I quit the tour, because she wanted more from me and she was breaking me down. I didn't want to be stuck on tour with her knowing that she can never be you. I came home after that just in time to see you for Christmas, but you didn't want to see me, and I needed to feel numb, so I got drunk and then I..."

"Wait who else? You fucked more than one person?"

Britt nodded and then covered her face, so I looked over at Q and could see that she was covering her mouth as she sobbed.

It hit me then like a motherfucking Mac truck.

"Wait you two fucked?" I looked between my two friends and jumped to my feet. I felt unsteady and they both reached for me, but I backed up.

"She came onto me and tried but we only made out but the second she was pushing for more, I kicked her out...I've been messing around with Celia since that night way back...I know I said I'd stop. Kissing B was a mistake and on top of me lying to you about Celia, I just couldn't keep another secret. I could fuck up more and if I let Britt get her way I knew I'd lose you."

"You gave me your word that you'd stay away from my sister, I didn't just do it to be a bitch but for your own sanity." I suddenly stood toe to toe with Quinn. "Does Rachel know that you've been fucking my sister or making out with Brittany?"

Quinn shook her head and then looked back down at her hands. "I'm so sorry...I'll tell her today and I will back off Celia."

"Prove it, Q...because I won't believe it until I see it and people call ME a whore!"

She flinched and then nodded. "I deserved that. San...just, don't write me off like this. You need to forgive me."

"I don't need to do shit, Lucille!" I turned from her and looked back at B who still had fear in her eyes because if I could snap at my oldest friend, what was there to stop me from unleashing hell on her.

"Was there anyone else?"

She nodded and held up one finger.

I felt winded as if I took a punch to my gut.

Pissed, I grabbed my bag from the floor slipped it over my shoulders. Sue had allowed this bomb to explode and then had closed her office door so that I could unleash my wrath on these two turncoats. I felt so tired and so needy right then. I tucked my arm in the sling wanting to walk the fuck away needed to calm myself down before I exploded.

My blood pressure was sky high, I could feel the thump of my heart in my head. I needed a hit or a smoke, or angry sex. I tried to talk myself out of wanting to know who this other person was and was almost ready to walk away when my curiosity got the best of me.

"Who was it?" I finally got out.

Britt stepped back and shook her head. She had been hoping that I would back down, but I couldn't.

"I can't say, please don't make me."

"Who was it?" I asked gritting my teeth through the pain of my heart shattering and my head seconds from exploding.

"Ana...it doesn't matter."

I was running faces through my head but couldn't really think of anyone that would get her this scared to tell me.

"Tell me or this is it for us. I swear on everything I love, tell me the truth or we are done, for good." I hated ultimatums but sometimes they work, and that time was now.

"Marco." she whispered it and I had barely heard it, her screwing with Marco seemed improbable.

"As in my ex-husband, Marco?"

She nodded.

Then I remembered her face when I had handed her the letter from Marco and the way she kept asking me about hearing from him. Red flags had gone up, but I chose to ignore them.

Clearly, I'm a fool.

Did she think that he was going to tell me about it in that letter?

Marco would have wanted to see my face when I found out, there is zero chance he would have told me in a letter, but she didn't know him like I did. No one does. Marco never reveals his cards until he must.

She had fucked him and then came back on a high horse. She stole my happiness and made me feel like she was finally being an adult, finally being someone with the potential to be my wife but then she pulled away.

"Fuck you, Brittany."

I turned to Q.

"Did you know?"

She went pale and nodded. "She called me and told me about the choreographer and Marco on New Years' Eve. That's why I came to you...to make sure you were okay."

"And then you realized I didn't know."

"Yeah but it didn't matter to me when I saw you there suffering. I was there for you." She was seriously throwing that in my face? I smiled at her and she smiled back but then I brought my hand back, swinging straight at her treasured new nose.

She threw her hands up to block her face, but I had stopped inches before I made contact.

There was no point.

"You're not even fucking worth it." I spat at her feet instead and walked towards the exit but just before I got to the door I looked back at her and could see her torment. Good. "You should have prepared me or warned me. You know my struggles better than anyone so fuck you Quinn."

"I wanted to...she stopped me." Quinn was glaring at Britt now and I didn't blame her.

"With friends like you two who fucking needs enemies."

My world had gone to shit, and it was at the hands of those closest to me.

Why was I surprised?

I managed to make it all the way to my apartment before collapsing on my living room floor and crying. The tears though couldn't last long even though my heart felt like it was trying to pry itself from my chest. They'd come for me, I was sure of it and I had to make sure not to be there when they showed up.

With tears streaming down my face and my stomach growling, I tossed clothes and my wallet into my duffel then left.

School was still in session, but I wanted no parts. There was only one place they wouldn't think to look for me, so I headed there.

For the next few days, I skipped school and stayed in West Lima, with my car hidden in the garage and the lights off. Marco hadn't changed the locks, so I was able to go in without a problem. I checked the sock drawer and it was empty...I kept searching and searching until I found what I was looking for, hidden in his office.

Never in my life had I seen so much coke at one time. My hunger evaporated, and my thirst increased as I looked at my treasure.

A brick this time.

It was like I was on autopilot as I drew from my experience helping Nico divide his drugs. I used the glass top dining table that had once hosted a dinner with Q and B. It was fitting that now I was using the same table to divide up cocaine with a razor and a spoon. When I got tired, I'd take a few hits and crawl into my marital bed and fuck myself with my face pressed against Marco's pillow.

It was getting harder to do this with my belly in the way, but I made it work. It wasn't long before the baby's kicks grew softer and I ended up crying for him to live. I had to be smarter. So, in the middle of the night, I went to We Lime and ordered one of everything from the menu and took it back to the house. I had to eat. My son was still there...still needing me and I had to give him something. So, I kept eating, setting an alarm to remind me to eat even when I wasn't hungry. It took two days, but the baby was back to kicking me and the more I fed him, the more he kicked.

For hours each day, while Britt and Q were at school both probably looking for me, I sectioned the coke into baggies.

My son was kicking me hard when I would take a hit and I deserved it because of him I didn't break down the whole brick. I just took enough to get me through.

I just needed to cope with this shit the only way that I knew how. I didn't want to be greedy because that would kill my son and despite my stupidity, I wanted him to live. I sat in Marco's garage, my stomach tight and eerily still and took my time loading every hiding place in my car with coke.

After I was finished with that, I did a line before showering and cleaning away all the evidence. Half a brick had to be enough. I curled into the bed and cried myself to sleep, thinking of Marco and Brittany. Brittany and Quinn. Brittany and some fucking whore.

I felt exhausted and wanted my own bed after three days of being a pitiful mess. I told myself I'd leave in the middle of the night but as I ate dinner, day old waffles and melted whipped cream...my sister called me, and I almost ignored her call, but I had to know if it was because of Quinn or because she cared.

"Why her?" I asked instead of greeting her and Celia didn't hesitate.

"I'm going to marry her one day. I know you don't like it and it's fucked up because we are so far apart in age and she's with Rachel but she's the one for me, Santana."

"I asked you to wait until she was single and 18...her birthday is in a few weeks. You couldn't wait that long?"

"No...after that night at your place, I was being reckless and drinking way too much. You're not the only one that overindulges in bad things. Your mom told me where she lived, and I sat on her front steps. I chased her, and she let me in. She cleaned me up and instead of going back to the hotel to deal with Mari or Brenda, Quinn held me while I cried. I just needed someone to take care of me after Papi died and she was there, every step of the way."

"Yeah, I noticed. I needed my best friend and she was too fucking busy for me and now I see why."

"I'm sorry that I took her from you...I hadn't been thinking. I'm sorry, really."

"I know. Everyone is fucking sorry." I hit mute on my phone and sniffed a bump of coke and then hit mute again.

"I've never crossed you and I don't want this to break us. I love you."

"Promise me that you'll break it off until after she's out of school, I'm fucking begging you. Please?"

"That's a big ask, sis. I'd never ask that of you."

"When have I ever asked you for ANYTHING? Name one time, I fucking dare you."

"You're right. If I'm going to marry her one day, I can wait until she's free and clear of school and Rachel."

"How can I know that you won't go back on your word?"

"You don't but I swear on everything, on Papi that I will back off. Ok?"

"Fine."

"In the meantime, that girl needs you just as much as you need her. Don't push her away. She will do anything to make this right. She saved your life, Santana."

"And she won't let me forget it. She told you about New Years'...didn't she?" I asked, as I sniffled, feeling the ache of my sinuses and the drip of the blood on my lips.

"Yes, and that is my bigger concern. Your sobriety is important, sis."

"I'm not sober right now." I admitted as I wiped at my face with my sleeve.

"I know...you sound different when you're high. I'm not going to be like any of the other girls, you won't get a lecture from me. You know you're fucking up and at the end of the day you are the one that will have to answer for that baby being sick. You have to be the one to quit. None of us can stop you...not even your son."

"Ouch."

"I'll keep my word to you...maybe you should try keeping your word to him."

"Yeah...okay...she's rubbed off on you. I need some time, but I'll make it right with her...thanks for calling me."

"I love you, sis."

"I love you too."

I ended the call and thought of the advice that I had just gotten. It had been days since I had spoken to either of them.

School suddenly became a lonely place but then I did have one person. I just didn't know how to approach her because from what I could tell Rachel, was in the same place.

Destroyed.

We hadn't talked to each other about it yet because it just seemed too raw.

Now though, after almost a week and my heart hurting more and more I had to figure a way out of it.

How many mistakes had I made?

How many fucked up decisions had led me to where I am?

And I was still forgiven by both Brittany and Quinn?

I could either be bitter or I could just accept it. So, I packed up my stuff and finally headed back home. I expected the sourness of rotten food and forgotten trash but instead, when I opened my door...the place was immaculate and there was food in the fridge, it was clear that Q had been there to check in.

Only I was m.i.a. Getting Celia to call me was probably her last-ditch effort to get through to me.

And it worked.

I knew that I needed to let B sit a little longer though because her shit was premeditated and twisted and just fucking ugly.

My best friend though, had been through hell and back with me.

She always had my back.

And she gave up Cheerios for me.

She stood up to Sue and accepted her punishment.

So, I would talk to the first chance I got but before anything I needed to talk to Rachel.

Hey...u ok?-Santana

Absolutely not okay right now, Santana. How about you?-Rachel

I'm getting there, can you come over?-Santana

Yes. I will be there shortly.-Rachel

Bring cookies. ;)-Santana

Of course-Rachel

In the time it took for Rachel to get to my apartment, I had settled within myself that if I was going to get through this then I needed her on my side.

When I opened the door for her she looked like someone had just kidnapped her puppy and I couldn't help but to hug her. We stood there for a moment just giving each other comfort.

She looked up at me with these sad eyes and I couldn't help but hug her again because shit, it's not cool to fuck someone over the way Q did to her and as much as I was mad at Q about not telling me that Britt was fucking around...I had known about Celia. How much of a hypocrite would I be if I kept punishing Q?

I wiped the tears from her eyes and then kissed her forehead.

That was the only bit of sadness that I could show.

"It's gonna be okay Rachel. This will be great material to pull from when you're up on stage, just think of it that way." I said wrapping her in an intense hug. I was hoping my excitement would catch on.

She looked taken a back momentarily but then smiled.

"Wow, that baby bump is growing. Can I touch it?"

"Without taking me to dinner? Isn't that like second base?"

She held up a bag and smiled.

"I brought you dinner and dessert!"

"So, you came with the intention to take advantage of me?"

She reddened and held her hands in the air.

"I'm sorry?"

"Rach, I'm just messing with you. Go ahead and fondle me."

She scowled, and I winked pushing my stomach towards her. I was coming up on my sixth month in two days and my stomach was much more noticeable.

Rachel put the bags down on the coffee table and then knelt in front of me.

"Okay, that's definitely third base...at least!"

"Oh, shush already. I am trying to get acquainted with my niece or nephew."

"Nephew. It's a boy, I can't believe that Q didn't tell you."

Rachel looked up at me in awe and then smiled.

"There's a lot she didn't tell me. Hey there little man. This is Auntie Ray. I can't wait to meet you!" She rested her hands on either side of my little belly and then kissed it in the center. Just then I felt the flutter. "Was that what I think it was?"

"Yea...I guess he is excited to meet you too. Now get up it's starting to get weird in here."

And finally, she let out a laugh.

Score!

We sat at the table eating salad and Breadstix since I still couldn't really stomach meat.

It felt good to have an ally.

"So how did you take it?" I asked straight away.

"Hearing about your sister hurt way more than I'd like to admit after I openly cheated with Finn this past summer and I'm still working through that hurt but as far as her kissing Britt and you as well, would it be bad if I told you that I kind of understood it?"

I felt my eyes go wide as I looked at her blush.

"Enlighten me Rach...make me understand what you do. Help me to get where you are. Please?"

"Seriously?"

"No bullshit. These are my two best friends and I want to be able to forgive them and move on. I know that Q will be easier than with Brittany...I need some absolution."

"Okay, um...Let me first say that while I understand how it happened I'm still incredibly angry with them."

"Oh yea, Me too but I don't want to be anymore."

"Yea, me either."

"So, then what do we do?"

"Right, the way that I see it is that Quinn has always had you, known you best, knew you first. It was pure jealousy. Brittany had a part of you that Quinn never could. Now you are all on a level playing field. You slept with them both, they have at least made out with each other. Just be happy that Quinn stopped it because that can of worms would have been insane."

"That doesn't make me feel any better about Britt. By going after Quinn...by fucking Marco, what other ways could she have possibly made it personal other than fucking one of my sisters?"

Rachel flinched.

"Fair point."

"Forgiving Britt is going to take a while but Q...I don't think I can keep going without her."

"I feel the same way but...can I be honest about something?"

"Anything."

"I think she's in love with your sister and it breaks my heart but if she thinks she's found the one and you're the only thing standing between them...how can I compete?"

"You're also between them."

"Actually, I'm not. I get what that feels like, Santana. That's how I felt about Finn and we have our issues, but I understand that irresistible obsession. You have it with Brittany even though on paper you and Quinn make way more sense, you love who you love."

"Then why do you stay with her?"

"I could ask you the same thing, why do you keep letting Brittany back in?"

"Love."

"Stupid, love."

"Crazy, insane love."

"Blind love...I'd rather have her in my life while I still can. We aren't forever, I know that but for now...I'm going to enjoy her while I can."

"I get that."

It'd been almost two weeks since I acknowledged that Britt or Q existed, they walked around in regular clothes both, ate together at lunch, and still had the fear of the student body as they cut through hallways.

On a Friday afternoon, the day before Q's 18th birthday, I caved just as everyone was getting ready to leave, I was feeling extra emotional because I had never gone without celebrating my best friend's birthday. So, I grabbed Q as she was walking by. She growled until she realized it was me and Britt stopped short beside her, looking hopeful.

But I only looked at Q.

"Worry." I said and her whole face fell.

"What can I do?"

I looked at B and then back at Q.

"Can you come over today?"

"Okay, yeah." She turned to look at B and shrugged a shoulder. "Is that okay with you, B?"

"Um...yeah. I have motocross anyway. Have a good night. Happy Birthday, Q and I love you, Ana." She said before walking away, not even waiting for the response that I wouldn't give.

I took Q's hand in mine and pulled her towards the back exit. She was probably prepared for some crazy thing, but she deserved more than that.

"You weren't having Friday night dinner, were you?"

"Nope, Judy is in San Francisco. Frannie had the baby."

"Oh wow, congrats Auntie."

"Thanks."

"So, what was the plan?"

"I didn't have one."

"Perfect."

We walked into the apartment and there sitting on the couch was my sister.

Quinn stopped short when she saw Celia and then she turned towards me.

"What's going on?"

"I give you my blessing."

"Is this some sort of test?" Q said, with tears in her eyes and a tentative smile.

"No. Give us a minute sis." I pulled Q back to the room and shut the door, I took her face in my hands and spilled my heart.

"You stopped things with B before they went too far, you came to look after me and pulled me from a dark place. I've slipped up, I won't lie to you but I'm trying and that's because of you."

I kissed her cheek and then pulled her against me in the tightest hug that I could give.

"Thank you."

"Now, in the spirit of honesty...you should know that if you ever kiss Brittany again, I will kill you."

She pulled back and threw her hands up.

"Never again."

"And if you hurt my sister even a little bit...or lie to me again, I will kill you."

"Right, right. Got it. Cross you again and I die."

"Glad we're on the same page. Now, one more thing."

"Yes?"

"Before you make any moves, you sit Rachel down and you let her go gently. She is annoying as all fuck but she's a good one. She's had my back these last few weeks. She's gone to appointments with me and has listened to me cry for hours and I've done the same. She knows you guys have an end date...I'm not saying it's today...just go easy on her."

"Okay. Thank you, San."

"Don't say I never gave you anything."