Title: Always With You
Characters: Yukimura Seiichi, Sanada Genichirou
It all started when Sanada forgot Yukimura's birthday.
They had known each other for 54 years and celebrated the day every year without fail. In their earlier years, Sanada would give him something small, but when they grew up, got real jobs, and married, the day became even more extravagant than any of Atobe Keigo's parties. Well, at least to Yukimura, they were more extravagant than "that pompous ass'" events. The days would usually start with breakfast in bed with a meticulously created ikebana arrangement (done by Sanada himself) waiting beside his side of the bed. They would go about their days as per usual, but Sanada would always have some over-the-top dinner planned for the evening, followed by an equally expensive gift to go with it. The night would end with more strenuous activities, but as they got older, they settled for cuddling in bed until sleep took over. The usually stone-walled man showed a tender and vulnerable side that he would never be caught dead revealing to anyone but the man he loved for all those years.
But that year, on Yukimura's 59th birthday, he woke up to nothing. Sanada's side of the bed was cold. There were no flowers nor a towering stack of French toast waiting for him. It was a Saturday, so neither of them had much going on in terms of commitments. The birthday boy got out of the warm comforters and threw a sweater over his shoulders before leaving the bedroom to look for his husband. Sanada was sitting on the couch in the living room, reading the same book he had been reading for the past few weeks. He looked up when he heard the gentle sound of his husband's approaching footsteps.
"Good morning, Seiichi," he smiled slightly.
"Good morning, my love," he replied. "Is everything alright?"
He glanced at him with a confused expression. "Of course. What makes you think otherwise?"
"My love, do you remember what today is?"
"Saturday, of course. You wanted to go see that exhibit right? On Monet in that art museum in Yokohama."
"That was last weekend. We went to it together, remember?"
Sanada stared down at his hands before looking back up with an expression that could only be described as 'oh'.
"Genichirou?"
"How could I forget my own husband's birthday?' he cursed to himself. "I'm so sorry. It completely slipped my mind—"
Yukimura had positioned himself in Sanada's lap and planted a fierce kiss on his chapped lips. "You've been busy. It's alright."
There was an unshakeable feeling of uneasiness beginning to grow deep within his stomach. That feeling never disappeared from that day forward.
A week later, Sanada had woken up at 4 AM, like he normally did, but he was unsure of what he was supposed to be doing at that hour. He looked beside him and saw Yukimura sleeping peacefully beside him. The moonlight was casting an ethereal glow on his porcelain skin and azure blue hair that made him want to return to bed instead of get out. Sanada felt himself reaching his hand out and gently stroking his husband's sleeping face, which startled him awake.
"Gen... ichi... rou?" he groggily asked.
"Ah, I'm sorry," he whispered. "I didn't mean to wake you."
Yukimura opened his eyes by a few millimetres and stared at the digital clock on the side table. "What are you still doing in bed, my love? It's time for your daily zazen meditation."
Sanada had the same expression as last time: 'oh'.
The lack of response seemed to have woken Yukimura up fully. He slowly sat himself up to study his husband's face intently. "Genichirou?"
Sanada looked as if he was struggling with something before ultimately deciding to get out of bed without another word. The sinking feeling in Yukimura's stomach grew larger.
He was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer's after Yukimura dragged him against his will to the doctor's. There was no way of knowing how long he would have to live, but the diagnosis was already a death sentence for both of them.
Sanada quit his job and holed himself up in their home office space, refusing to leave unless he had to go to the bathroom or eat. He spent his days there writing something. His mind showed no signs of deteriorating since the diagnosis, but the news was devastating to the former Emperor. He started covering their entire house with sticky notes, each with random reminders of what something was used for or what he liked and didn't like. At first, they helped, but as time continued to pass, he found himself no longer being able to read them.
Yukimura could barely stand to look at him without bursting into tears. He was losing his husband and there was nothing he could do. He had gone through hell and back countless times, but this was something else. No amount of mental training could ever prepare the former Child of God for the harsh reality that was inevitable.
There was going to be a day where Sanada Genichirou—the man he has loved for almost six decades—will forget who he was.
It had been eight months since. Sanada woke up at 7 in the morning—a whole three hours after his usual wake-up time. He turned to his side and was deeply disturbed by the man sleeping beside him that he jumped out of bed. The sudden jolt woke up the man beside him, who looked like he had cried himself to sleep.
"Y-Yukimura, w-what the hell are y-you d-doing here?" he stuttered. His cheeks began to flush a deep scarlet.
The fact that he called him by his last name stung like never before. Yukimura pushed his upper body off of the mattress with his arms and looked him in the eyes. "My love, it's me. Your husband."
"W-When did w-we g-get married?" he asked.
Yukimura forced a gentle smile on his face as he started trembling. "A very long time ago."
That same expression once again: 'oh'. Sanada slowly climbed back into bed as Yukimura threw himself on top. The confused man hesitantly wrapped his arms around his frail companion, unsure if he should be doing it at all. Yukimura forced himself back to sleep, where he dreamed that this was just some nightmare that he would wake up from soon enough.
He lost his personality along the way.
No longer was he the super serious man who never showed affection, unless in private. He no longer scowled and was smiling more and more. He relied heavily on his husband, who he was forgetting at an exponential rate. Whenever they went out with each other, he would cling onto him desperately and panic when he disappeared from his sight. He would shower the man in kisses and hugs every second he had the chance to. He would often buy gifts for him, but it was the 27th time he had given him the same sapphire blue scarf because it matched his hopeless eyes.
Yukimura had been steeling himself for the day where he would be forgotten. Still, no matter how much he prepared for it, the thought still stung. He had loved this man for six decades and he was watching him die twice—metaphorically before physically. How could anyone go through such a devastating experience and not fall into despair? He was scared and alone. Even if Sanada was physically there beside him, the man he fell in love with was slowly dying before his eyes. He would often wake up in the middle of the night, crying his heart out as Sanada tried to console him without a clue as to who the person beside him was.
Yukimura found him at the kitchen table one day, staring intently at an envelope in front of him when he got back from work. It was blank and not addressed to anyone in particular. The alluring royal purple colour made him want to open it, but Sanada stopped him.
"Don't touch it," he said.
"What is it?" Yukimura asked.
Sanada fidgeted with the pen in his hand. "It's for my husband," he replied.
"Oh? It's it now?"
He nodded. "I need to give this to him."
"Why don't I do it for you?" Yukimura offered as he reached for it.
"No! You mustn't!" he shouted as he shielded the object with his body. "I have to give it to him!"
Yukimura bit his tongue. "My love, it's me. Seiichi," he stated wearily. "Your husband, remember?"
Sanada looked up at him with that same 'oh' expression. "Seiichi?"
"Yes, it's me," he reassured.
His entire body relaxed upon hearing those words, but he immediately picked his pen back up and wrote 'Seiichi' on the front of the envelope. Even in his pitiful state, Yukimura couldn't help but admire the still-beautiful penmanship. As he finished the last stroke in the character, Sanada sat back up and admired it.
"What a beautiful name," he commented.
Yukimura placed his head on Sanada's broad shoulder. "Yes, it is."
"I wonder who it belongs to," he added as he continued to admire it. He then turned to address the man beside him. "May I help you?"
"Genichirou, it's me."
"Genichirou? Who's that?"
Nothing prepared the former Child of God for this moment. He excused himself and ran towards their bedroom, locking himself in as he sobbed uncontrollably.
They were in a sterile hospital room that smelled of haunting nostalgia. Yukimura had overcome his deep-seeded fear for these places just to be by his husband's side.
"Why does this feel so familiar?"
"Because," he held his roughened hand in his slender, soft ones, "we spent a lot of time in the hospital in middle school; only it was me who was sick."
Hearing that brought a sense of relief to his face. "I see."
"You have nothing to worry about, Genichirou. I'll take care of you just like you did with me all those years ago."
He smiled. "Thank you... er... who are you again?"
He had to choke back his tears. "It's Seiichi. Yukimura Seiichi."
"Seiichi?" he asked innocently. "That sounds familiar."
"Really?" he said, feigning curiosity. "How so?"
"Seiichi was the name of my husband," Sanada concluded as he smiled peacefully. "I haven't seen him in a while, though. Would you let him know that I'm looking for him?"
Yukimura could only nod, as the lump in his throat prevented him from saying anything that didn't sound like a wail.
Sanada looked over to the table and opened the drawer. Inside was a royal purple envelope that he took out. Yukimura's name was written on it.
"Tell him that I need to give this to him," he said as he held up the object. "It's important that he gets it."
"I'll let him know," he choked.
"Thank you," he sighed. "Er... who are you again?"
"It's Seiichi. Your husband, remember?"
"Ah, that's right. My husband's name is Seiichi," he recalled wistfully. "I haven't seen him in a while though. Could you let him know that I'm looking for him?"
He couldn't stand listening to the broken recorder anymore and promptly ran out of the room, crying his heart out as his chest ached from the break within.
He died only a few days later. He went peacefully in his sleep. Yukimura desperately held onto his hand tightly, not wanting to let go. His hand slowly grew colder and colder as he gripped onto it like his life depended on it. It broke him.
The funeral was very small. No one, except their super old tennis teammates from middle school, came. Yukimura had no more tears to shed as he watched the love of his life burn up into millions of ashes, only to be delicately placed in a small metal urn and handed to him. He didn't know what to do with it. He was so used to being held by the man currently in his arms that he dropped the urn. His body began to grow numb once more.
He would curl up on Sanada's side of the bed every night and cry himself to sleep as the faint scent of his musk lulled him into a deep slumber. Eventually, that scent would fade away and be replaced by his own.
Days after the funeral, he was called back to the hospital to gather up his late husband's belongings. Along with the old clothes and books that were with him, the same haunting purple envelope laid on top of everything. When he got home, he sat himself in their bed and hesitantly opened it up.
After days of not answering his younger sister's phone calls, she showed up at his apartment and let herself in with the spare key. She looked in every room of the tiny abode until she found her brother lying on the bed, motionless. She tried to shake him awake, but found that his body had gone cold. His hand was gripping onto some sheets of paper with meticulously neat handwriting.
The autopsy revealed that he had died due to complications stemming from his preexisting takotsubo cardiomyopathy. His sister couldn't help but laugh as she let the sadness overcome her. Of course Yukimura Seiichi died of a literal broken heart. He was always a hopeless romantic. She stared up into the warm, dusky autumn skies, praying that her brother was able to catch up to his husband's soul before he moved on. Two small, faint stars in the distance twinkled.
My dearest,
First off, I want to apologize for forgetting your birthday. I can't believe I have been so careless that the most important day of the year slipped my mind just like that. We have celebrated that day for the past 53 years and I managed to mess it up. I'm sorry.
We just got back from the doctor's. They said it was early-onset Alzheimer's, which would explain why I have been forgetting things as of late. My grandfather and father both died from this disease, and I've seen the devastation my mother went through when it happened. I fear the same will happen to you, but I won't be there to stop it.
Promise me that when I do forget you, you'll leave me and move on. I can't bear the thought of weighing you down, making you care for me as I hurt you over and over again. I know we swore to be with each other "in sickness and in health", but I can't do this to you. I can't imagine putting you through everything that my mother went through. I want you to remember me as the man you fell in love with—not a shell of my former self. If I am no longer a good husband to you, I don't want you to stay out of sympathy for me.
I don't know if I'll ever be able to find the right time to say this to your face, but I just had to write it all down before I forget. The truth is I'm absolutely terrified, but I can't imagine what you're going through right now. There is something I want you to never forget. You are my husband. My childhood friend. My captain. The love of my life. I don't know how much longer I will have until I forget this, but I need to tell you as much as I can while I still can.
I love you, Yukimura Seiichi. I will always love you and I hope you never forget that, even when I do. Thank you for spending the rest of my life with me. Thank you for agreeing to marry me. Thank you for being my best friend, my captain, my everything. I'll wait for you on the other side, so please take your time before joining me, my dearest.
-Sanada Genichirou