Chapter 41: Promise (Romeo Santos feat. Usher)

I took the journal from her hands and put it on the nightstand. "Come here, B." She leaned towards me and ran a hand over my belly again.

"I want to be whatever it is you need, Ana." She said looking at me with lust and love.

"Right now, I need you to get me off. It's been impossible one handed and with a belly to reach around."

"Lay back, relax." I watched her with my lip tight between my teeth as she hesitated after lifting my shirt, she looked at the very unsexy cotton panties I had taken to wearing to bed and then winked at me as she slid off my panties. Her eyebrow raised as she held them to her nose and then smiled before looking at me with lust and wonder "When did you start sleeping in underwear?"

"Since that night...he was about to get to me so easily. He just climbed up on the sofa bed and lifted my shirt...that's it. I know it's just panties, but I just needed something to make me feel safer. I hate that he had such easy access." I said. She nodded and then leaned up and kissed my face.

"I'm sorry that he hurt you and that I wasn't here to protect you."

I nodded and pushed on her shoulder.

"Show me." I said.

She smirked and then went back down until she was laying between my legs. I could feel her warm breath on my wetness and I groaned as she blew out little puffs of air.

"You're soaked, baby."

"Please, B."

"Who?"

"Please." I said again, and she raised an eyebrow. "Earn that name back." I said, and she got this determined look in her eyes. She slid her fingers inside and I shouted as she took my clit between her lips and began to suck. "Fuck!" She was building up a rhythm and I was moaning and groaning like the bitch in heat that I was. I came twice before she was on her knees, looking at me as she added more fingers. "Yessssss." I hissed at the slight sting.

"I missed you. So much, baby...did you miss me?"

"Yes! Britt...oh God...yessssssssss!"

"Say it." She said, and I shook my head. Then she pouted as she finally slipped her last finger inside and my eyes were rolling back.

"Yes, Daddy yes! yes!" I was screaming now, and I could feel her wetness as she rubbed herself on my thigh. She kept her hand moving as she got herself off.

"Oh, Ana...yes...yes." She hissed as she humped harder, creating an ache in my thigh but my fourth orgasm was approaching, and I didn't care about anything else.

As I reached the peak, I threw my head back and groaned.

She collapsed next to me and then rubbed at my thigh, knowing that soreness all too well.

"Was that okay?" She asked, back to sounding like sweet little Britt Britt.

"Ah...mazing." I said and then I turned onto my side, so I could look at her. Her look was intense, and I couldn't understand why, we'd just had amazing sex. "Penny for your thoughts, B?"

"Let's get married!" Britt said with the biggest smile on her face, but I froze.

We'd just reconciled after months and this seemed to be happening way too fast. On the one hand, marriage meant she'd be here always to make me orgasm whenever I needed to but on the other, she'd just fucked two other people and tried with Q. I wasn't sure that I trusted her the same.

I knew that marriage was something that I wanted to do at some point, but I was plain terrified to make that kind of commitment when we are so on/off all the time.

"Whoa…B, that's way too fast. I just want something concrete like you being my girlfriend. You continuing to get me off like you just did...you know simple stuff."

"What's more concrete than marriage, you asked me to marry you first…remember?"

"I remember and then our world fell apart, remember?"

"What are you so afraid of?"

"Getting my heart broken…again."

"Okay…sorry I brought it up. I realize trust must be built up again. I fucked up and I need to earn back what we lost. I'll do whatever that takes."

The euphoria was gone as she rolled onto her back and stared up at the ceiling. The stars she had put up there were glowing in the lamp light and I could see a tear roll from her eyes.

I wanted to comfort her, but I was standing firm. Marriage seemed like we were over correcting a problem. We never even really dated properly.

Besides, I wasn't fully divorced yet. Marrying her right now would mean, going to see Marco and making sure this thing got settled.

There were too many variables.

Too many things could get wrong but then, this was Brittany.

I loved her.

She was my end game...maybe there was a simpler step we could take.

"So, how about you move in with me, then after a few months maybe after graduation we can talk about marriage again if you're still interested?"

"Okay, I guess we can do that."

"Just like that? You really want to move in?

"Duh, Ana. I'm going to have to talk to my parents though." Britt moved the edge of the bed and was pulling her socks back on. I slid out of bed, naked as the day I was born, and B gave me a pat on my ass. "I can't wait for round two." She said and then kissed my face.

"Me either, Britt Britt"

She was moving anxiously back towards the door and then nearly fell as she put her boots back on. She looked around the room, at the open blinds and then back at me.

"You should close the blinds if you're going to walk around like that."

"These windows face the football field and the woods, who cares if I'm naked?"

"Uh, perverts who hang out on football fields and in the woods." I rolled my eyes and then actually went over and closed the blinds.

"Do you want me to go with you?"

"No. I can do this. I'm going to head over there now, I might have to stay there tonight…are you okay until I get back?"

"Um…yeah, I'm just going to take a shower and then maybe read for a little while before bed."

"Like that?" She asked as she tweaked a nipple and then rubbed her hand over my belly.

"Maybe."

"You are making it so hard to leave."

"But you have to, so go talk to your parents and call me after, okay?"

"Okay but no fucking yourself until I get back."

"I'll do what I want, Daddy." I said back to her and she got pink as she bit her lip.

"For now." She winked as she slid into her coat. Then she smiled at me before she gave me kiss after kiss, she was stalling.

I finally pulled back as she came in for yet another kiss.

"Don't stall B, it's getting late. You should go talk to them."

"Okay…but before I go…will you be my girlfriend?"

"Yea…okay, I guess that works for me."

"You don't sound so sure…"

"Yes, okay! I'm sure. I'm just nervous…I promised to be honest and I'm feeling scared of what this means. I know it's what I wanted but now that it is here…I feel like I'm going to screw it up somehow or you'll get tired of me."

She leaned over me and pulled me into a deeper kiss this time and I could feel all her promises and desires and I knew that she meant it.

She looked down at me and rubbed her thumb across my lips just like I had done to her earlier.

"You won't screw up, Ana…odds are that it will be me!" she winked but that kind of freaked me out a little bit and it must have been written all over my face because she doubled down on her grinning. "I was kidding"

"Yea, B…not a good time to joke, especially not when I'm doubting things."

"Then don't doubt things."

"Ugh...easier said than done."

"One more kiss?"

I smirked and kissed her and then pulled back again, playfully pushing her towards the door.

"Go…so that maybe you can come right back tonight?"

"I will always come back to you!" she said, putting her hand on the door knob and then practically purring, "Especially if this is what I have to come home to."

I rubbed both hands against my belly and felt a serious of kicks that had me running to the bathroom. I sat there and suddenly all the doubts and fears were raining down on me.

Was this the right move?

I could do this…right? I could give my heart to her…I had done it before.

Slowly, I pulled on clothes, my body moving without my permission as I walked into the living room to get my slides. I made it down to the car and grabbed what I needed before making the climb back up. Just as I was kicking off my slides, my phone started buzzing and guilt immediately hit me.

I groaned as I shuffled back to the bedroom to answer it and of course, it was lost in the covers.

My head felt so full of cotton as I forced my brain to catch up.

I finally grabbed it and answered it seeing that it was Britt.

"Hey B!"

"Um, Santana? It's actually Susan."

"Oh, Mrs. Pierce…hi…how are you?"

"I'm not really sure at the moment."

"I'm sorry?"

"You asked Brittany to move in with you, correct?"

"Yes. I know it's extreme…it's just that I could really use her help. I um…I'm a high-risk pregnancy and I have gestational diabetes. I haven't been doing too well on my own and now that Britt and I are trying to be together again…she wants to be a part of the baby's life…um...if your worry is about school, I'm right across the street...crap...I don't mean to ramble, I just...I don't want to overstep. If you say no, that's okay. It's not a deal breaker."

I was panicking and couldn't stop myself as tears threatened to surface.

"Santana, honey, slow down…it's okay. I just would have preferred if you two had sat down and talked to us about it instead of her just coming home and telling us that she was moving out."

"I'm so sorry…do you want me to come over and sit with you guys and talk to you? I can't really drive right now but I can walk? Might take me a little but I can come right now."

"You are not walking seven miles on icy sidewalks, at 10 pm, in your condition Santana, don't be silly! We are fine with it as long as she gets to school every day and her grades don't drop. She is going to Juilliard and I want her to be able to keep up academically."

I guess she finally told them that she quit the tour at some point.

"Of course, again, I live literally across the street from school, so she will be there every day on time and her grades will not slip. I will continue to tutor her. I promise."

"Okay…well she and Rob are about to head over there with her stuff."

"You mean you had already agreed?"

"I trust you, I just wanted to know where your head was. You are a lot like me and she is a lot like Rob. I know how big this is for you. I wanted to make sure that you were okay with this."

"Thank you for understanding, Mrs. Pierce."

"Call me Susan. It's been too long with this Mrs. Pierce business."

"Okay…Mrs…Susan?"

"Take care of yourself Santana and let me know if you need anything even if it's just a hug, understand?"

"Okay. Thanks."

"I love you Santana."

"Um…I love you too Susan. Good night!"

What the heck just happened?

I was so confused as I sat there trying to digest my conversation with Britt's mom.

She understood that for me this was huge step, it was almost like a marriage to me.

I got out of the bed and decided that I needed a shower to clear my head. My head just felt so full. I poured the baggie out on the sink top, two lines...a huge risk. I'd been sober for longer any other time in my pregnancy, but this was a big deal. Everything was about to change.

So, I snorted one line and when I felt the immediate calm settle over me, I risked just a little more. I rinsed the empty bag and then tossed it in the trash before climbing in the shower. I kept biting my lips and humming to myself as the water was pouring down my back and while my head was still feeling cloudy, the anxiety that I had felt was gone.

It was settled, Britt was moving in and that meant that there were things that I had to hide…like this moment. I promised myself that this was it. My last hurrah. This was just a secret for me.

My son kicked me hard...okay a secret just between us.

I was panicking a little bit, but I just knew that if I could get my thoughts under control then I would be okay.

And then I felt a sharp pain in my back that made me buckle to my knees, never before had it hurt so much.

Shit!

Now, I was suddenly feeling guilty and remorseful.

I began to cry with my forehead leaned against the back of the tub…how had this day turned so quickly?

Me...it was my fault.

I wish that I could turn back the clock from this morning or even a half hour ago…I wish I could change all my doubts. Right then, I had to get myself together.

My sobs quieted down just as I heard the front door open and close.

When I heard Britt, I quickly tried to stand up, but my back felt like it was breaking.

There was a lot of shuffling going on…I heard Britt and her dad talking and then I heard their footsteps to the front door.

I grabbed onto the bar that ran along the wall and tried again to get up but when you only have one good arm it is insanely difficult to get up in a slippery shower.

My body had quit on me and I couldn't move no matter how much I tried.

I didn't want Britt to see me like this because I knew that she would ask too many questions.

Questions that I wasn't prepared to answer just yet.

"Ana? Are you okay? Why's the door locked?" I didn't answer her and knew that I had only a matter of seconds before she picked the lock. What possessed me to teach her to pick a lock? Ugh! Fuck my life! "Babe…you have been in there a while…I'm picking the lock if you don't respond."

"I'm okay…" I groaned out and knew immediately that I didn't sound believable, as a matter of fact I sounded the opposite of okay.

Shit!

I looked down in between my knees and saw that I was bleeding a little bit.

Shakily, I rubbed my stomach and could still feel him moving in there.

Thank God.

"Come on mi'jo…please be okay. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Forgive me? Please?" I was crying again and didn't even try to get up anymore.

I heard the lock click and closed my eyes and began to pray really hard for him to live, for me to be okay. I was calling on every saint and spirit I knew the name of to watch over me, I even called out to my dad.

Sobbing out loud, I was trying to calm down, but I knew it was no use.

The shower curtain was pulled back and I heard her gasp.

"Santana you're bleeding…where is it coming from?" I looked up at her and shook my head.

"I can't get up, it hurts, B."

"We're going to the hospital…come on let me help you up."

She leaned down and hooked her arms under my armpits and pulled.

I rested my head on her shoulder as I finally stood on my feet.

She let go and kept her arms out just in case I went down but I didn't.

For just that moment, I was stable. She stepped back and kept looking at me as if she was trying to see through me.

Which was the last thing I wanted.

"Don't move…stay right there and let me get you something to put on okay?"

I nodded and held onto the wall and the bar.

My head was killing me, and I was feeling a little light headed and on top of that, I knew that this was quickly getting serious.

I felt the trickle down my leg and tried to look down, but I couldn't see past my belly.

Britt came into the bathroom on the phone and carrying a nightgown and a towel. She seemed to be listening to directions from someone. I stood there as she pulled the nightgown over my head.

"Okay…yea…hold on she's right here."

Britt handed me the phone and then wrapped my robe around me before picking me up. I always seem to forget just how strong she is. I was so focused on her that I forgot that she handed me the phone.

"Hello? Ana? Are you there?"

"Mari?" She'd called my sister...fuck.

"It's going to be okay…this happens sometimes."

"Okay."

"How are you feeling?"

"It hurts?"

Britt was moving so quickly that I didn't even remember her carrying me out of the apartment and putting me in the passenger seat of my car.

She wrapped the seat belt around me as I continued to talk.

"What hurts the most?"

"My back…my lower back."

"How about your stomach?"

"No."

"Did you do anything out of the ordinary today?"

"Um…no, I sw...I promise." Britt shot me a look but then focused on the road.

"Now is not the time to lie to me…please, I'm just trying to help you."

"I walked more than I usually do...and I had sex."

"Okay…alright and it was consensual?"

"Yes...Mari?"

"Yes, honey?"

"Is he going to be alright?"

"We are going to do everything we can to make sure he is okay…me and Britt."

"Okay."

I was drifting off.

"Hey…hey you're not drowsy, are you?"

"My head hurts…I just need to nap a little."

"NO!" I jumped at her suddenly loud voice.

"Why not? Sandra said when I'm tired that I should sleep."

"The doctors are going to need to talk to you at the hospital just stay awake until you talk to them okay and then you can sleep."

"Promise?"

"Yes…sis…I promise."

Damariz kept me talking until we got to the hospital and I was put in a wheelchair and taken straight to emergency. Britt took the phone and was arguing into it.

What had happened that fast?

Damariz was being nice…why was Britt mad at her?

I tried my best to listen to Mari, but it was so hard to stay awake, my head was fuzzy and then, I heard Britt yelling from somewhere in the hall.

"What do you mean I can't go back there? I am her family! Screw what I look like…that is Santana Lopez…her father was your boss! Come on…her sister is on the phone! Hey, don't snatch my phone!"

I was in and out of it and couldn't make heads or tails of anything.

Then, I was being poked and prodded and being asked zillion questions that I couldn't quite answer. I eventually fell asleep and it felt like I was floating.

Was I dead?

Was he?

I thought of Britt struggling in the hall and thought that maybe I should marry her so that she wouldn't be kept from me like that in emergencies. Oh, but the drugs...I'd have to stop doing them. Maybe it was time to get serious and go to a meeting. A lot of thoughts hopped around my head as I lay there, and I tried to remember each one so that I could share it with Britt later.

My head hurt badly as I attempted to open my eyes.

The light above me seemed brighter than the sun. I tried lifting my arm to shield my eyes, but it seemed so heavy.

When I opened my mouth to lick my dry lips, I couldn't make any saliva. Gross. I felt like I was falling back to sleep when I heard her voice.

"Ana?"

Britt's voice was so strained and even though sleep was fighting hard to pull me under again, I forced myself to look over to where the voice was coming from. There she sat smiling softly at me as she stared hard at me.

Did something happen?

Did she know?

"B? Water?"

She shuffled around and then stuck a straw in my mouth. The water tasted so amazing, so sweet! I quickly finished it and asked for more and she brought me more. Finally, after three cups of water I was able to open my eyes fully.

Britt looked terrible, like she had been fighting, crying, and screaming.

And she probably had.

She looked down at me with a look of adoration and of love.

"I'm ready."

"For what honey?"

"Marry me?" My voice squeaked.

"Okay, when you're better."

"Promise me?"

"I promise."

"You can have my heart back."

"Thanks…I will do my best to take care of it okay?"

"Okay."

"Do you feel any better? You gave me quite the scare."

"I'm so tired."

"Yea…Damariz said you would be. You lost a lot of blood."

"Is she okay?"

"Yes, she will probably be here in the morning when you wake up."

"Is the baby okay? Is…is he still there?"

I was beginning to cry at the thought of losing him and it made my head hurt more. How could I love him so much but also hurt him at the same time?

"Yes. He is doing just fine...his heart is strong, it's his Mami that we are all worried about."

"Am I okay?"

"You will be."

"I want to go home."

"Tomorrow."

"Okay. Did the doctors say what's wrong…why was I bleeding?"

"Combination of things, you are severely dehydrated, you're not resting enough, your sugar was insanely high."

"Oh."

"Yea, so right now they are just trying to stabilize you and at the latest you can come home on Sunday."

"But he is okay?"

"Yes. He is fine. I double checked."

"Thank you! I love you Britt."

"I will always look out for you, I love you back, always and only you!"

She leaned in and kissed my lips and I smiled.

I fell asleep a little after that and felt relief at the fact that my son was still there and that he was okay.

God had heard my cry and was giving me another chance…I just hope I don't screw up this time.