Chapter 50: The Deep End (Crossfade)
When I checked my phone, it was almost five in the morning when I pulled my shirt on and some slippers. I grabbed the keys to my car and pulled on my old trench coat. I probably looked suspect, but I needed out of that apartment and away from her before I did something dumb.
Sitting in the driver seat again, felt off. I readjusted my seat, put on the seat warmers, and then activated the Bluetooth.
"Call Carmen." I said, knowing my old friend and her old habits.
"Santi, my love? Hello?"
"Good Morning, love bug, are you working?"
"Hold on a sec," I heard her shuffling and then her telling Nico that she needed table coverage. I stared over at the field and remembered that I was in the same position as that night that sealed my son's fate. Only I had no desire to do coke...well my body did but it had betrayed me so fuck my body. "Okay, I'm back. Nico wanted me to tell you that the house will be ready for you to move in by the time you get here. He's securing the banisters."
"Thank him for me."
"Yeah, yeah...I'll do that later when I'm riding him."
"TMI."
"So, what's this about?"
"Do you remember how Marco was with me?"
"Who doesn't?"
"Well...Britt fucked him a few months back and-" She sucked in a breath.
"And you still married her? Santi, if I had known that I would have showed up at your wedding and professed my love for you or something. That's not good, my love."
"What's worse is that I had my baby...on April 7th. I slipped up and had to sign him over to her or they would have taken him."
"Is she being spiteful?"
"A little, I can tell that she wants to be but it's with me that his vitals improve. I just feel like such a fuck up."
"We are all fuck ups. Some of us choose the scene and work through our shit that way. Others go to rehab and therapy. The important thing is that when you find what works for you, commit to it."
"I just...I feel so weak and I hate it."
"Oh Santi...do you need me to come there and hug you? I can do that...you know Nico has that private jet guy on his payroll."
"No... it's okay. My son, Isaac he's in the NICU...he's sick and it's my fault. I went to rehab though for two weeks and got out yesterday so I'm trying."
"Oh, I'm so proud of you...unless...did you slip already?"
"Yeah."
"Girl, you looked so happy when you were here. What's going on?"
"I don't know how to be happy, maybe it's self-sabotage...maybe I just didn't take this addiction seriously until now. She sees me for what I am now though. She caught me snorting last night and got rough with me. Now, I have this fear that she's going to become like Marco."
"How so?"
I took a picture of my wrist and sent it to her. Seconds later she gasped again.
"Is that the first time?"
"Yes, and I hope it's the last."
"What pushed you to slip, my love?"
"She told me that she's been talking to this other chick...some girl she met in New York."
"Hold up...has she fucked her?"
"Remember when you saw me?"
"Yeah, looking all beautiful and in love."
"Well, at that same time B was being fucked by home girl on our wedding day."
"Okay, what's her name and where can I find her?"
"Carmen, we said we were done with that."
"No...you said you were done. I didn't and Nico damn sure didn't."
"I'll let you know if I need you to take it that far."
"Well, my love you need to let her know that if she wants to help you get clean, she can't push you to the same dark places that Marco did. Didn't you do coke after a while to numb the beatings?"
How had I forgotten that?
"Yeah, you're right."
"She can't get you to stop with the same tactics that got you to this point."
"Thank you for that. I needed that perspective."
"Nico is hovering."
"Tell him to fuck off."
"Yeah, girl I can't do that. I have to go home with him and I would rather not be spanked today."
"You like it."
"When it's a sexual spanking but not when it's a corrective one. No thanks."
"Been there. Well go get to work, I think I feel a little better...you helped me remember that I have a choice in all of this."
"Good and Santi, my love you should consider a 12-step program. This is an everyday thing. One day at a time."
"Is that how you got clean?"
"That and getting away from Paco but listen, check in later. I have to go."
"I love you, Carmen."
"I love you too, Santi."
When I climbed out of the car, I realized that I hadn't felt tempted to check the few remaining hiding places that I hadn't checked the night before.
It was a glimmer of hope that I could start choosing myself so that I could be better for Isaac.
Britt's alarm still wouldn't go off for twenty minutes, so I decided to start my day. I opened the fridge and saw that shopping needed to be done. So, while I pulled out food for breakfast and lunch, I also made a list of things we needed.
I also took advantage of the fact that I could now have coffee again.
As I made a mountain of pancakes to go with the coffee, I heard Britt's alarm go off and smiled to myself because this was how I wanted to be after rehab...sober and participatory in my life.
Britt shuffled out of the bedroom looking confused and then wrapped her arms around me and rested her chin on my shoulder.
"I didn't get to wake up to cuddles." She was pouting, and I just turned and dropped a kiss on her nose before refocusing on flipping my pancake.
"Go get dressed so we can have breakfast together."
"Shouldn't you be getting dressed too?"
"There's things that need to be done around here, B. I was going to stay here and do them."
She went to grab me, but I held out the hot spatula and shook my head.
"Maybe you got away with that when I was high. Chill out, B."
Unlike Marco, she threw her hands up and gave me a pout.
"I'm sorry. What I should say is that it would make me feel better if you came with me. Sue could probably use your input on the routine and since it's Sunday, she's only allowed to hold us until 12. We can do all the things, then."
This sounded fair enough. I nodded.
"Okay, then. Let me finish up here and I'll be in to change."
"Thanks, baby." She said and stole a kiss from my lips before shuffling back to the room.
I rubbed at my sore wrist and then went back to the pancakes.
The fact that she stopped before she could hurt me, meant way more than I could have imagined. It told me that if I communicated my fears, that Britt would hear me.
Maybe there was some hope for us yet.
Once I was done, I loaded up the dishwasher and covered the pancakes before heading to the room.
Britt was in practice sweats instead of her uniform and I knew immediately what kind of practice this was going to be.
This wasn't a run laps situation, they were rehearsing and that meant I could probably sit in the booth with Sue. Truth be told, I miss having a part in the Cheerio's success. I'm a natural born leader who's not afraid to cut a bitch so even though I haven't been in uniform all year, the girls still respect me as if I am.
Britt was doing her hair up in this cute bun and dancing around as she went.
"I love you," I said to her and she looked at me with her brow furrowed. "More than anyone in this world, Britt. No matter what happens, I will always love you most."
She was grinning now and winked at me. "I love you, baby."
After getting dressed and recreating my messy bun, I went back to the bathroom and froze. There on the counter top was the velvet ring box
I looked down at the box and swallowed the lump in my throat.
How easy would it be?
My hand hovered above the box while I contemplated my next step...but then I hesitated to remember that I had a choice in all of this. There was too much at stake and I just didn't think it was worth the risk, so I pushed the box to the back corner of the sink and grabbed my toothbrush.
I wish she had seen me...seen that I had a little bit of self-control.
And then I looked up into the mirror and brown eyes met blue as Britt stood there waiting to see what I would do.
I smiled at her and went about brushing my teeth.
"Good job, baby." B said and then kissed the side of my face.
I rinsed my mouth and then turned to her, even though she saw me push the box away, she was still searching my eyes.
Let her search.
It felt good to not have to hide anything from her.
This is how it should be.
"Are you hungry?" I asked, and she nodded.
"Are you?"
"Starving."
She kissed me, and I kissed her back, pushing her against the door.
I smiled at her and then slowly got to my knees, pulling her sweats down as I went.
"Baby, what are you doing?"
"Having breakfast, are you going to deny me?"
She shook her head and spread her legs, leaning back on the door and bringing her hand to the top of my head.
I buried my face in her wetness and she sang for me.
"Yesssss...there...there...there...fuck...there!"
Her body went rigid and she came hard, gripping the door knob as she climaxed.
It was the definition of a quickie and when I stood back up she attacked my lips.
We made out like that, against the bathroom door until a second alarm went off in the other room.
This time it was mine, I had wanted to make sure she got out the door in time.
The alarm meant that she had twenty minutes to be on the field.
She whined as I pulled her pants back up and then went back to the sink to clean my face.
"Wow, baby...that was...wow."
"I aim to please."
I served Britt and myself, setting a third alarm for us to leave five minutes before she needed to be on the field.
When we were sitting, her with a stack of four pancakes and me with one to go with my coffee. I pulled back my long sleeve and leaned forward laying my wrist near her plate.
"Can we talk about this?" I asked, and her eyes went wide. Her fingers traced the bruises that wrapped around my wrist and then she looked up at me with remorse.
I could work with that.
"I'm sorry." She said.
"Marco lied to you about how he controlled me. Here's the truth...he likes to beat women. He gets off on it but I'm small and I bruise like a peach. The more he hurt me, the more I needed to retreat. I tried thinking of you...I tried drinking but when the coke came into my life...it became my way to hide from the hurt. After a while he realized he didn't need to hit me to get me to do his bidding, he just needed to get me high. Do you get what I'm saying?"
"Not really."
"B, hurting me like this only makes me want to do more coke."
"Oh."
"Yeah...I don't want to be addicted. I hate it so much, but the fact is that I am an addict. Extreme stress and fear trigger me. Yesterday you hit me with both almost as soon as we got home. I should have taken you up on coming home instead of going to dinner...maybe then I would have been honest with you. Just one on one but then Quinn got involved and Rachel...who I love but shouldn't be in my business...it was too much."
She got up from the table and opened the freezer and pulled out a bag of peas.
"I can find another way to help you then, if you still want me to."
Carmen seemed happy with Nico...she was clean, working, and had a healthy weight. Maybe I could do that too.
"I still want you to take charge, B...just not like this."
She nodded as she placed the peas on my wrist. The ache that I had been ignoring seemed to ease and then she cleared our plates and put them in the dishwasher.
A switch had been flipped in her, I just hoped that my message was clear.
The alarm on my phone went off and soon after, I heard the bullhorn...which meant there were already people on the field.
"We should go." Britt said, and I nodded, grabbing a book and my old Cheerio clipboard with my notes attached.
As we headed across the street, we linked our pinkies and stepped towards some actual growth in our relationship.
"Q, open up practice with a warm up." Sue barked through the bullhorn. "B, fall in line." Britt kissed my lips and then ran towards the Cheerios while I made my way up to the bleachers.
Sue was standing at the railing and I plopped down two rows back just in case she needed to pace.
I pulled out my clipboard and notepad, waiting for what I knew was coming.
She turned around and looked at me, her bullhorn clicked off with concern in her eyes.
"How are you, S?"
I folded my hands on the clipboard and looked her in the eyes.
"I'm taking it moment to moment. For now, I'm sober and I hope to keep that going."
"Good and how's the kid?"
"He could be better but he's okay."
"Are you here to work?"
"Yes, coach. I brought my note pad and everything."
"Good, I feel like something is missing...see if you can figure it out."
After about two tries at the routine, I saw the problem.
She was about to start again but I cleared my throat and she whipped around.
"What is it?"
"Who...is really your issue." I said...then I pulled up the video I'd just took and showed her the exact moment that a base stepped too far out after throwing Quinn up in the air. "If that base doesn't fix her shit, Q is going to fall hard. She's got heavy bones and if you don't catch her right, it could be a disaster."
"I don't see it."
"Trust me, tell that chick to take two steps in after they throw her up." Sue glared at me and then raised the bullhorn up and gave those exact instructions. After just one run through, it seemed cleaner. I nodded with satisfaction and she seemed to relax a bit. "You looking to be my manager again?" She asked, and I shook my head.
"No thanks, coach. I can't commit to you in the way that you need. I will consult though from time to time."
"Deal!"
Sue gave me a curt nod and went down to the field to talk to Q. Britt smiled at me as she came up the stairs. I stood to greet her and felt a sharp pain from hip to hip.
I sat back down, suddenly winded and smiled up at her worried face.
"Are you okay, baby?"
"My stitches...I'm down to the dissolving ones and all the movement last night and this morning, may have...shit that hurts...irritated it."
"Should I call your doctor?"
"Yeah...just to be safe."
She sat down with me and pulled out her phone.
Only she didn't call the doctor right away because she had a screen full of messages.
I watched as she read the, smiling and blushing.
She'd been honest about Frankie and I didn't like it one bit, but I didn't want to make her feel like I was jealous. Instead, I just took out my own phone and dialed the baby doctor.
"Dr. Ramirez's office, who may I ask is calling?"
"Santana Vega." I said and just like that, Britt looked up at me with wide eyes. It was my official name still, I hadn't changed it at school or on anything else. Not even the lease to my apartment was under Lopez.
"Yes, Mrs. Vega, you were supposed to have a follow-up after you checked out of the rehabilitation center. Did you want to schedule something?"
"Actually, yes. I'm having some pain along the incision. I just want to make sure it's nothing serious."
"We had a cancellation this afternoon, do you think you can make it in now?"
"Yes."
"Good, see you soon."
I stood up and gritted my teeth through the pain, Britt picked up my book and clipboard, before looping her arm around my lower back.
She helped me down the stairs and we walked as quickly as I could manage to the car. I stood there leaning against it as Britt searched her jacket pocket and then she looked at me with her head bent.
"I don't know where the keys are."
"Huh?"
"I left them in my jacket last night, I'm sure of it."
"Oh..." I said and then took a deep breath.
"They're in my coat, I came out to the car this morning before you woke up."
Her face went pale and then bright red, there was the anger.
"Why, we talked about this!"
"It's not a big deal, we cleaned it out last night."
"I don't believe for a second that this car is clean and who's to say you didn't go somewhere, like Marco's house?"
I was in so much pain that I lowered myself to the curb and leaned my head on the back bumper.
"I just came for the heated seats and to make a phone call. I didn't go anywhere, and I didn't use anything. I've been sober all day."
She sat next to me and then in a move that showed me that she'd been paying attention, she twisted my license plate and knocked on the key release.
It popped open and she pulled out the spare before securing everything again. Thankfully we were parked against a brick wall with no windows.
"Come on, I'm not going to let you suffer while I yell at you. Let me help you up." I nodded and then yelped when she helped me to my feet.
Once we were in the car, I waited for her to readjust the seat to her height and be buckled in before I said to her.
"This morning, I was in a dark place but not because I wanted more coke...it was because of my wrist and I just needed a breather. That's it. I called an old friend and she talked me down from any reckless behavior...she also reminded me that I have a choice every day...every moment. It's one thing to hear it in rehab or from you...it's another to hear it from someone who has struggled with coke in her past."
She nodded and then turned to look at me, her lip trapped in her mouth as she worked through what I was and wasn't saying and telling her it was someone who had dealt with a coke addiction, she knew I wasn't talking to Quinn. I was telling her in not so many words that while she had Frankie, I also had someone else out there to lean on.
"I'm glad you were able to talk to someone, when you're hurting friends can really help you through. It's lucky that we both have someone like that."
"I don't really believe in luck, but I do believe in us and our family. I believe in our marriage."
She pulled out of the parking lot and stared ahead for a moment before calling me out on just that.
"Really, Mrs. Vega?"
"So, I never changed my last name with the doctor, it's no big deal."
She went stiff as we pulled into the doctor's office parking lot and the moment I looked in her eyes, I knew I'd made a grave mistake by basically saying it meant nothing.
Hopefully she didn't take that as permission to go fucking around.
The doctor hugged me when she saw me, and I hugged her back.
"Are you allowed to hug me?" I asked, and she rolled her eyes.
"I was your father's intern, this is my practice and I'll do what I want."
"Say less." I said.
"Hop up on the scale, we are going to take your vitals and get a urine sample. Then you can change into your gown and we can go from there."
Britt stood off to the side holding my jacket as I got weighed and then got blood drawn. I felt ridiculous as she helped me to crouch as I peed into a cup, the very action hurt like hell, but she didn't seem bothered by it.
There was a little blood in my pee and I tried not to freak out as I screwed the cap on. All of B's annoyance from earlier was gone as her eyes got wide. Doc took the sample and went to the lab as I headed into the room to change.
"I shouldn't have put off calling the doctor just to respond to Frankie. That was rude. You had done what I asked and didn't complain, I won't do that again."
"Thanks, B...that means way more than you'd think."
She helped me get situated on the bed, adjusting the pillow behind my back and then hovering over me.
"I do love you. No matter what, baby...I just get so angry sometimes."
There was a knock at the door and then the doctor poked her head in with a pensive look on her face. She sat on her little rolling stool and looked at us both.
"Well ladies, it's good to see you both here together. I know how hard this whole situation must be. I've been by to see little Isaac and he is showing some amazing growth."
"Why do I feel like you're cushioning a blow?" I said and then there was another knock and her ultrasound tech came in with her cart.
"Your white blood count is elevated which means your body is fighting an infection. I just want to check your healing progress, I also looked at your blood work. I see that you've had a misstep since your last blood test a few weeks ago."
I nodded.
"Last night after I got out of rehab, it was just...a bad night."
She looked over at Britt and then back at me.
"And you've been communicating with your wife about this?"
"I have. I really think that I want to look into a 12-step program and find meetings...seeing my son so sick has put some things into perspective. I know that I slipped up but I'm not sure I want to keep feeling so shitty."
"That's a good thing. Scoot down for us, Brittany would you mind getting that light."
Once the room was dark and I was up in the cold ass stirrups, she put the probe in and the very touch of it made me hiss.
"Note the swelling, seems to go all the way through. Looks like a lingering infection...okay." She popped her head up and lifted the gown and lightly pressed above my scar line.
I laid there and looked away from the screen while they measured and discussed. Britt was holding my hand and brushing her thumb along my forehead.
Then she leaned in and put her lips to my head, pressing feather light kisses along my hairline.
"I love you no matter what." She whispered.
They finished up and then the doctor stood up. "Go ahead and get dressed, I'm going to go review my notes. I'll also bring you a referral to a drug counselor that also consults with families so that Brittany you can learn good ways to be supportive of Santana."
"Thanks." She left, and Britt had to help me up and into my clothes since I was so sore.
"I shouldn't have hit you with all that stuff last night. I want you to get better, Ana. I really do. I need to start acting like it. I'll do whatever I can. You and Izzy come first, if I am going to be a good Mama to him, I have to make sure his Mami is around to cuddle him."
When doc was back, she handed the paperwork to Britt and then asked me to lay back. She asked me to pull up my shirt and then to unbutton my jeans.
"Okay, first you need to not wear anything that directly presses against this incision, so sweats or a dress would be more comfortable. It should be completely healed on the surface by now or at the very least further along than this. Still no sex, especially not until this has healed full. I have prescribed you a non-habit-forming pain reducer and antibiotics. No drinking, no drugs, lots of fluids."
"What is it?"
"Looks like you were starting to develop an infection in your vaginal canal."
"Ow." I muttered.
"Exactly, when are you back to school?"
"Tomorrow."
"If it's possible, I'd like you to take it easy for the rest of the night, that means, Brittany full pampering tonight and tomorrow...try to limit standing for too long."
For the rest of the night, Britt cuddled around me on the couch.
"Do you think you will be able to stop?"
"I want to."
"Today, I think I realized that holding Izzy over your head probably makes it worse too. Social services did talk to me about your drug abuse and wanted to know what steps you were taking to seek help. The fact that you went to rehab was a really good thing."
"Thanks, B. You know, if I didn't have to worry about finishing up my senior year, then I'd go back."
"Maybe if you finish your senior project you can do it."
"That's a thought."
She kissed my neck and I shivered, we had been explicitly told that we couldn't have sexy times...so I was going to need her to stop doing that.
The next morning, we scarfed down pancakes and then headed to practice together. Britt had woken up in a mood and had seemed to have forgotten all the progress that we had made the day before.
After putting my books in my locker, I was turning towards the library where I had hope to camp out until my first class. Britt looked at me and arched an eyebrow...she was becoming my clone.
"Was I not clear about you being alone?"
"No, B, I understand that you want me in your line of sight."
She held onto my books for me and then brushed through my hair with her fingers, before she pulled me towards her and kissed my lips.
"Bleachers...the whole time. Promise me?" she said after tugging and sucking on my bottom lip.
"I promise, B."
The Cheerios were all gathered together giggling like the gossips that they were. I kissed Britt one more time before she went off to join them. The moment that I was settled on the bleachers, I searched through my bag for something to entertain myself. I hoped that this didn't go on forever because sitting on the hard metal wasn't helping my stomach too much.
It had been a while, although the only reason that I noticed is because I finished off the book that I was reading. I sat with my backpack at my feet reading the last line in Mockingjay when I heard a loud scream and then the flurry of panic.
My head shot up and there on the ground, with her leg bent at an odd angle was Q who was screaming out in agony. Someone must have missed their mark and dropped her just like I had warned the day before.
Nationals was in a week, this was not good!
"No! Anyone but Q! Damn-it! Fifty laps, all of you and then turn in your uniform Davis, you are a pathetic excuse for a human being! You just cost me Nationals!"
I stayed firmly on the bleachers as I watched Q get carted off. Her leg was definitely broken. I wanted to go and be with her, but I knew that I couldn't do that, I had to stay where I was supposed, to be so that I could put some trust back into my relationship. Something Quinn would prefer that I spend my time doing.
Everyone cleared the field, but I still stayed there. Britt had gone in with Quinn, but I figured she would be back out to get me at some point. This was me trying to do things the right way.
I knew that Britt was trying to do what was best for me but when the bell for first period went off, I finally just got up. She had meant well but I couldn't miss class just because B forgot about me.
I got to class five minutes into a pop quiz and so, I was forced to sit in the hall until it was over, and it pissed me off.
Britt had made me leave my pain killers with her and I was pissed because the prolonged sitting on the cold bleachers had made me hurt worse than I could have ever imagined, and I know that I just couldn't deal.
Meet me bottom of right wing steps 2 mins...-S
Breathing a deep sigh, I gathered my stuff and took a few back ways to avoid Britt's classroom and made my way to the rarely used back stairway. There he stood, cocky smile on his face as he leaned against the back wall smoking a cigarette. I stood near him, facing away from view and smiled at him.
"Hey, candy man."
"Hey S. I've got just what you need."
"Thanks, I'll wire you the money...you know the spot."
I smiled and headed in the opposite direction of my hookup. My stomach was starting to burn now, and I knew that if I could make it through a school day being high while pregnant then today was doable.
Before I made it back into the hallway, I moved off to a dark corner and took a moment to myself. As I dipped my finger into the bag, put it to my nose and quickly inhaled, I couldn't even tell you what had pushed me to this point. I mean hadn't I just had the best day with Britt?
But once I had snorted, all that faded away.
It was just enough for a buzz barely a line's worth and was all I needed to dull the pain. When I went to climb the steps, I found that I had to hold on tight to the railing because I had suddenly become dizzy. I tried my best to relax and took deep breaths.
When I calmed my heart down a bit, I bent over and tucked the bag in my sock. I came up slowly not wanting to fall up or down the steps. I stood at the end of the hallway and felt marginally better, but I knew that there was a higher potential for feeling great, I knew that I needed more.
This was hitting me different.
Being sober was now something that I didn't feel like doing anymore...at least not today. I made a detour to the first bathroom I found and had just a little bit more and then headed back to my classroom.
The bell rang by the time that I got to the classroom door so instead of even attempting to enter I just turned around and floated on down to my locker.
When I got to my locker I suddenly decided that I should rearrange it because my books were too damn heavy, and I didn't need to carry so much weight with my stomach like this.
My skin was tingling and burning so I had to stop my mini cleaning spree and start actively scratching up and down my arms.
Once my skin felt cooler I went back to my task and finally managed to shove the stupid bag in there by the time that the warning bell rang.
"Shit!" I muttered as I grabbed my books for the next two periods.
Two AP courses back to back on the other side of the building in neighboring rooms and I hadn't moved from my locker yet. I closed my eyes for a second, took another deep breath and then grabbed a tissue to blow my nose which felt like it had started dripping.
When I looked at the tissue, I could see little flecks of red and was happy to see that it wasn't a full-blown nosebleed.
Sighing and wiping once more, I stuffed the tissue in my pocket and then I nearly jumped out of my skin as I closed my locker and ran straight into my wife. I leaned in and kissed her cheek trying to appear cheerful and sober.
"Hey B." she looked at me skeptically for a second and then wrapped her arms around me while sticking her hands in the back pockets of my jeans.
I knew she was checking me and chuckled aloud, search away sugar...you're not finding a damn thing. There was no way that I could give myself away, but I had to let her look. She ran her hands across my hips and over my front pockets and I just pretended not to notice. Satisfied with her search Britt hugged me tightly.
"Sorry about earlier with all the excitement of Quinn and the ambulance I got distracted but it looks like you managed just fine without me, so I'll see you at lunch, ok?" I nodded and smiled as she kissed my lips. I kissed her back sweetly as the bell went off again and then pulled away, walking as fast as I could to get to my next class and made it inside the door just as it was closing.
I sat in my usual seat in the back of the room and dropped my stuff down onto the table that I usually shared with Quinn, but she was at the hospital far away from this perfectly fun high that I was having.
"Alright, settle in guys...we are watching a movie as the first part of Frank's presentation. As I stated yesterday you each get two days to present. Next week's presenters are Quinn Fabray and Santana Lopez."
I made a note in my planner to ask Quinn about that later. Somehow, I hadn't realized that I had work to do for this class.
The lights went out and the TV snapped on.
The of mystery of honey...great!
We were halfway through class and my hands were getting shaky, so I leaned down and pulled the bag from my sock. I poured some powder on the desk top and then put the baggie back while no one was paying attention.
Everyone was facing forward so I dipped my head, making sure to keep my eyes on the screen, while crossing my arms in front of quick and quiet I snorted the whole line, the tiny flakes burned my nose and I couldn't see straight for a moment.
The bleeding felt like it started again so I pulled the tissue out of my pocket and wiped my nose before looking back up. Everyone was still looking forward, not noticing a thing as my high began.
When the bees made it onto the screen, I found myself laughing loudly and obnoxiously. I couldn't contain myself even after Mr. Santore paused the movie and when I still couldn't stop I was finally just asked to leave the room. I grabbed my books and apologized to Frank before leaving.
Even as I left the room, I had to cover my mouth to keep from laughing out loud. I stood out in the hallway and managed to calm down after a bit. My heart was racing in my chest and I felt like I could run a thousand miles, I was honestly tempted to. I hadn't felt this high, this good since New York.
My body was buzzing.
I wandered the school to burn off some excess energy until the bell rang and then headed back to where I had just come from for my next class.
I kept trying to walk straight but the whole hallway was suddenly on an angle, so I stayed close to the lockers and occasionally pressed against them to avoid falling over, after a while I just decided to walk slower. People walked by me and through me as if the extreme slant of the hallway was something normal for them.
A few people had even reached out to steady me, but I would just turn and paste myself to the wall. The bell rang snapping me back to reality and I looked up to see that class had ended before it began.
How awesome!
I grabbed my books and made my way down a crooked hallway full of zombies.
Zombies that I knew weren't even there.
I kept clenching my eyes shut and jumping out of the way when one came too close.
Shit!
This had never happened...what the hell was going on. I finally made it to my locker in one piece and shoved my books inside.
I felt like I was floating in mid-air and was getting nauseous. I searched past the gnomes in my locker and found my wallet behind the fat cheerful one.
"You sneaky fucker!" I laughed out and stuck my tongue out at him before slamming the door shut. The hall had emptied out again, so walking down the angled hallway this time around was much easier. This drug trip seemed to be never-ending and I was halfway between loving it and hating it.
My stomach grumbled loudly, and I was sure the whole room had heard it because several faces were looking at me strangely as I entered the cafeteria.
I got straight into the lunch line and filled up my tray with tater tots.
After dodging a few more zombies and feeling the room completely spin. I found Britt at end of a table with the glee dweebs.
When I saw that Olivia sat next to B, I marched over and pushed her out of my way until I was able to sit between them. When I finally got next to my honey, I began to chow down on my mini mountain of tots.
"Fucking amazing!" I yelled out.
Everyone looked at me and I thought why not I'm in a good mood. I pushed my tray into the middle of the table for easier access.
"Have some." I said excitedly, but no one budged so I held up my middle finger and then pulled my tray back. "Fine don't then!"
"Ana, honey, can you walk me to the bathroom?" Britt asked sweetly.
"Sure Britt Britt!" I shouted and jumped from my seat. "Don't any of you fucking touch my tots! I'm looking at you Wheezy!"
I found Britt's pinky and pulled gently on her finger towards the bathroom. Britt obviously couldn't walk the crooked hall because she kept bumping into me.
"Take your time, B. I got you." I whispered.
She didn't respond, in fact she seemed really mad and I couldn't quite figure out why. When we got to the bathroom, I propped myself up against the window sill and waited for B to go into the stall, but she didn't. She locked the bathroom door and then came straight at me.
I held my arms wide for my sweet wifey kisses but instead got my chin wrenched forward. Britt was looking in my eyes and then stepped back. There were suddenly tears in her eyes.
"I can't believe you after all the pretty things that you said yesterday...you actually had me believing that you meant it this time." she whispered.
"What I do?" I felt my lip sticking out and smiled.
"Where is it?"
"Where's what?"
She looked angry and I couldn't figure out why. I watched her curiously as she began to search me. She was growling louder and louder each time she came up with nothing. She was mumbling to herself.
"Marco said...of course...I should have fucking checked them last time! Take off your shoes Santana!"
"Mmmmmkay B." I leaned over and nearly collided, face first with the floor.
"Take off your shoes."
Britt caught me and held me steady as I sat on the floor. I looked up at her and smiled as I pulled off my shoes.
Why was she so mad?
I sat with my feet out and saw B looking anxiously at my feet as she lowered herself down to the floor in front of me.
"Feeling kinky, B?" I asked trying to put a smile on her face, but it only made her angrier.
"Shut the fuck up and give me your feet." she growled out.
"I like when you're demanding..." I smiled as I plopped my feet in her lap pushing her Cheerios skirt up in the process trying to see what color her panties were today.
"Shut up!" she muttered again...a little softer this time.
I zipped my lips and put the imaginary key in my bra.
Britt peeled off the sock from my right foot and then quickly peeled the sock from my left foot. The baggie dropped out and I quickly lunged for it, but B was faster...she was always faster.