Chapter 57: Start Over (Beyoncé)

"I'm not a problem to be taken care of, B."

She looked me in the eyes and then put her phone down on the table. Her face turned pink as she ran her hands over her face. I could tell that she tired and not up for a fight with me. Something had changed between us and I think I was the only one operating from a defensive position but who could blame me?

"You're right, you are not a problem, but can you really admit that you have a problem that's gotten out of hand?"

"Yes. I definitely have a problem and I for one do not want to sit at this table, in this kitchen and have another talk about our relationship. It hasn't worked before and I'm not sure how it could help right now."

She nodded and then crossing her arms over her chest shrugged.

"If you don't want to do things this way...do you have another idea?"

"Let's go to New York."

"What? Why?"

"I think we need to see what's ahead of us and get out of this place. We don't have any commitments for the next two days...let's leave tonight and come back on Monday."

"What about Izzy, he's never gone a day without one of us?"

"That's what his Godparents are for, B. I think that we should get away while we still have the freedom to."

"Yeah?"

"Yes...please, B?"

"Okay. I'll pack, you get the tickets but...wait...where will we stay?"

"I have that covered. Just go pack, B."

She actually looked a little excited about this and I was happy to be providing that for her.

Getting to New York and showing it to her through my eyes, was something that needed to happen. I left her last summer and came back like a zombie. This time, I wanted to go willingly with her by my side.

Britt seemed to be getting cranky as I sped down the highway, but I did my best to reassure her.

"My love, Isaac is getting out in a few days and then we will be at his beck and call. This is our last chance to have one on one time without everyone sticking their noses in our business."

"I just don't know why we couldn't do that at home?"

"Because, B...Lima isn't going to be our home for much longer. I was going to wait to surprise you but maybe if," I glanced at her as the traffic slowed to a crawl. "This is about honesty, right?" I asked.

"Yes. That's a good idea. We cannot tell a single lie for this whole trip." Britt said, suddenly sounding livelier as she rubbed my leg.

"Just to each other right because some of the lies I've told have gotten us free stuff?"

She laughed, thinking of all the free drinks and food we'd gotten, also the extras at stores and just general good treatment.

"No, I like the free swag. Just be honest to each other, baby."

"Okay, B but can we be thoughtful about our honesty though? I really don't like when you compare me to Frankie especially during sex."

"Right, I'll stop doing that and I don't like when you keep texting people when we are together, just us. It feels like you're ignoring me to talk to other people."

I pulled into valet parking and handed over my credit card, while I unbuckled myself and grabbed my sunglasses. Then I reached up to my top compartment and pulled out a second pair and handed them to B.

The way she looked at me reminded me of how we used to be when we first got together.

Once we were headed inside with our suitcases rolling behind us, Britt seemed to relax a bit as she linked the pinky of her free hand with mine.

"I'm kinda excited." B said her eyes glowing.

"Me too, B."

We walked through the terminal, picking up snacks for the plane even though the flight was about an hour. Britt was skipping beside me her hand in mine and I couldn't help but laugh.

Yeah, this was way better than some friend intervention bullshit. That may have worked for me before this year but not now.

Just me and my boo, taking time to reconnect on our own was more my jam.

When we were in the boarding area, Britt was standing at the window staring out at the plane with a smile on her face. She kept taking pictures and pulled me in for selfies to post later. We had made a promise not to post pictures until we were officially in New York.

"B?" I said to her, itching to just text but I had promised to be honest with her.

"Yes, baby?" She said, taking another picture with a silly face.

"I need to text someone, an old friend from New York. I don't want you to think I'm ignoring you, is it okay to send a quick text?"

"Go ahead baby, thank you for explaining that. Sometimes I wish that I could read your mind."

"Oh, B...trust me you don't want to be in my head. It's a whole shit show most of the time."

She laughed and then waved me away.

"Go text your friend and maybe grab me an ice cream cone?" She stuck out her bottom lip and I nodded.

"You got it babe."

I walked down the hall and in search of ice cream and decided to call rather than text.

"Yes, Santana?" Carmen barked in my ear and I felt shitty for never calling her a few weeks ago.

"Don't be like that, my love." I said.

"Ugh, are you sober?" She growled. I heard her mumble something and then a gruff voice. "Nico told me to put you on speaker."

"That's fine."

"Santi, my love. You keeping your nose clean, mama?" Nico asked.

"From here on out."

"I was hoping to actually go to a meeting with you, Carmen...if you're free tonight?"

"Tonight? What are you talking about?" Carmen asked, still seeming unsure.

"It's a long story, basically, I think I'm finally ready to accept that I'm an addict. I plan to go to rehab after graduation, I didn't think I needed it but then this morning I went AWOL and downed a bag and a half. Britt tried to have this whole intervention, but I convinced her that a few days in New York might be better. So, we are at the airport, waiting for our flight."

"Holy shit...do I finally get to meet Brittany?" Carmen said, slightly happier.

"Yes, and I'd like it very much, if we could come to the diner late tonight when it's slow. So, she can actually talk to you guys?"

"That's fine. Are you planning on staying at the house?" Nico asked.

"Yes."

"It's mostly ready, there's no couches or anything but the bed you bought is set up."

"Oh great! So, a meeting Carmen?"

"What time do you get in?"

"Seven at JFK."

"Great, last meeting is at 8:30, so if I meet you at the airport with a cab, we can come straight to the church, then drop your stuff at the house...then we can all go to the diner after."

"Sounds great."

"Santi, my love?" Nico said, and I grinned.

"Yes?"

"Is she keeping her hands to herself? Do I need to have a talk to her about proper treatment of a sub?"

"Nico, you know I'm not in the life...don't give her any ideas about that."

He laughed.

"Fine but if she gets too off kilter...you tell me, and I'll put her in a headlock. Female or not."

"Noted."

An announcement for our flight came over the speakers and I realized I hadn't gotten the ice cream.

"Shit, I need to go. Nico do you have ice cream at the diner?"

"Of course, I do."

"Great. See you tonight."

All my lack of sleep from the night before and the crash from a tremendous high caught up to me on the plane. I had given the window seat to Britt because she had never gotten to sit next to the window on a plane before. I was across the aisle from a crying baby and had a kid kicking my seat but the moment that I put my headphones on, I passed out.

Since I had slept the whole flight, I hadn't explained a thing to Britt about us meeting up with Carmen or who she even was, but my wife had always been good at going with the flow. So, when Carmen, looking hot as always, hair in ringlets down to her ass was standing there with a hastily written sign that said Santi and Love, I grabbed Britt's hand and pulled her along.

"Who the heck is that?" B said, sounding thrown off.

"Yes, B. At some point tonight, you will ask if I've slept with her and the answer is yes but only because I was paid to. That is my friend Carmen who is very much in love with my friend Nico and she's going to take us straight to a meeting."

Britt hesitated and then pulled at my hand, I looked up at her and could see her eyes searching mine. There was no anger or jealousy just a smile.

"Thank you for being that, baby you know, for making sure to tell me the truth although no one would have to pay me to sleep with her you know if there was no you."

"I know that, you horn dog. In another life maybe but I've only got eyes for you BLo."

"Santi, my love!" Carmen said wrapping her arm around me and kissing my cheek. Then she opened her arms for my wife. "Brittany! I have been waiting to meet you since forever. Wow you're tall."

"Nice to meet you, Carmen."

"Oh, and you have manners! Nico will like you. Shall we go?"

The meeting was at a church down the block from my house, Carmen had wanted to go to place that would be easy for me to come to when I move here and everything about the meeting made me feel at home. Britt sat next to me with her hand in mine, rubbing her thumb across my knuckles and occasionally kissing my hand.

Carmen got up and told her story, she talked about being saved from snorting powdered bleach by me and how now she was returning the favor by helping to save my life.

I dropped my head and quickly wiped a tear away before putting my head on Britt's shoulder. She wrapped her arm around me and kissed my head.

"You were right, this is better." She whispered to me and I nodded, too choked up to say anything.

Once we said the Serenity prayer and Carmen hugged us both again, she introduced me to a few of her friends in the group and told them I was moving to the area. Britt was quiet the whole time until we were out on the sidewalk.

"How does Carmen know you'll be in the area?"

Carmen looked at me and rolled her eyes.

"Santi, my love, are you being secretive?"

I glared at her and then dug out my keys, "No. I wanted to surprise her and now is the perfect time." I held my hand out to Britt and she took it, looking so confused as we pulled our bags along.

"What's going on? Honesty, remember, baby?" Britt was looking at me sternly and I felt Carmen chuckle.

"I think Nico was right, Santi...oh Brittany, you are perfect, just you wait until Nico gets a moment alone with you!"

"Um...no offense but I'm not sure I want a moment alone with this Nico guy."

"You say that now."

As they bantered, I stopped outside the house that was just as gorgeous as ever. There was monogrammed L on the door and I smiled.

"Nico?" I asked Carmen and she shook her head.

"Me. I found it at a garage sale and he hooked you up."

Britt stood there at the bottom of the steps and looked at the house and then at me.

"What is this place?"

"Ta-da!" I said to her and did spirit fingers. "Remember on our wedding day when I asked you if you trusted me and if I could do something spontaneous?"

"Yeah, just as long as it wasn't coke."

"Well...here it is."

"What?" She said, not quite connecting the dots.

"I bought this house, in cash. Nico has been fixing it up for us. This is where we are staying. You wanted full honesty, this is our new home Britt Britt."

She put her hands over her face and the tears came.

"REALLY?!"

"Yeah. Do you want to do the honors?" I held out the keys to her and she nodded. I stood beside her as she opened the locks and then with Carmen's help, I carried the bags up the steps and into the foyer. When I closed the door and stepped into the living room, Britt had kicked off her sneakers and was dancing across the floor in her socks.

"Are you okay that I didn't tell you? I was going to surprise with this at graduation, but I think now is better."

Carmen rubbed my back as I fidgeted there, waiting for B to say something and then Britt was running at me and picking me up, twirling me around and then bringing me down.

"I love it! Can you show me the rest?"

"Of course, B."

I looked at Carmen and she waved me on.

"I've seen it. You two go and have this moment. I'm going to call Nico."

I hugged her and then Britt joined in and she let out a beautiful laugh.

Britt seemed to just keep getting happier as we walked through the kitchen, the den and then up the stairs.

When we were on the second floor she started talking about the three rooms and making space for Isaac and falling in love with our bedroom.

"What's upstairs?"

"That is Quinn's floor. She asked if she could live with us if she goes to Columbia and I told her she could have the third floor."

"REALLY? That's so awesome!"

"You sure?"

"Yes, we settled our stuff. She's back as my best friend again."

"Good because once we are all together in this house, we are together full time."

"It will be good, when we need time apart...or I need to just talk, she will be close."

"Plus, free babysitting!" I winked, and she pumped her fist.

"Sweet."

Britt's first subway ride to TriBeCa, she was glowing as she watched some guys dancing for cash on the platform. It was like I was seeing New York for the first time through her eyes.

I had been born here, I had lost my innocence for a second time here, and I had gotten hooked here in more ways than one. I made few friends here and was close to changing my mind about being here until now.

Things just looked different with my wife next to me and then...she met Nico and things shifted.

"I know you." She said to him and he looked at her a little odd.

"Yeah, I've seen you too...with those dancers."

"Yes! That's it, I came here a few times when I was with the tour and you were yelling about your wife never taking a day off again."

Carmen waved. "That's me...his wife."

"Wait? Did you say yes, finally?" I asked, and Carmen nodded.

"And that's not all," She rubbed her stomach and my jaw fell. "Three months yesterday."

"So, when you came to Lima...is that why you were so emotional?"

"Wait, she came to Lima?" Britt asked.

It was all too much.

"When I got the divorce papers signed, they were at Marco's house. Nico and Marco go way back."

Britt's face dropped as she looked at Nico.

"Why were you in Lima?" Britt asked him, she seemed to have her hackles raised, we were standing in the middle of the restaurant and then Nico turned away.

"Mickey?" A guy raised his head, looking the gangster very much that he probably was.

"Yes, boss?"

"I'm leaving for a bit. Hold things down. Call Tito if things get crazy. I'm going to take the wife and her friends out for a good meal."

"Should you be saying that in your own restaurant?" I asked him.

"Santi, my love, I'm confident in what I serve. I just think that it would be better to have big conversations in quieter places. Yes?" Nico said.

"Okay."

So, I pulled Britt along as we stepped back outside, her happiness had evaporated but Nico didn't seem to care. We walked for a bit and then we stopped outside of a gorgeous brick building that seemed familiar.

"Is this the hotel...wait?"

Nico looked at me for a moment and nodded.

"It is. I bought it when it was cleared out. Only recently, I started turning it into an upscale lobster place. You know the hipsters like that...something classier than the diner."

"It's his newest baby...he wants to have some things to pass down to the bambino."

"Got it. Come on, B."

She was hesitant, and I told them to go inside while I talked to B. Once we were alone, I pulled her to the stoop and patted it as I sat but she just stood there with her arms crossed over her chest.

"What is this, Ana?"

"Well, we were supposed to just have waffles for dinner and go home. You started asking him questions and in his line of business, every question asked deserves an answer. Usually it involves a dropped body but him inviting us to a private dinner...means that he is respecting your questions."

"Have you...slept with him too?"

I dropped my eyes and shrugged, before meeting her eyes.

"Yes. He saved me from Marco's wrath many times. I'd go to that diner high or beaten up and he'd let me sleep it off or bandage me up. I returned the favor by introducing the two of them. I don't know why they were in Lima but if he brought us here...I'm guessing we are about to find out. I'm yours, B. I'm sharing this part of myself because you asked for honesty. I promise that these next two days are just us, but he's fixed up the house. He has looked out for me and he protects me from Marco but only when I ask."

"Okay...so you're asking me to trust you."

"Yes."

"There won't be any drugs in there will there?"

"No. Carmen is sober and he would never put her in the kind of place that she could slip."

"Okay, alright. Let's go then."

"I love you, B."

"I love you more."

"Not possible."

When we went inside, Carmen was being danced around the room slowly to music from her phone. Nico was smiling and laughing with her and I had to pause.

"See that love, B...he doesn't show that to anyone. She's his world."

"You used to look at me like that." She said. "I miss it."

"I used to be your world. I miss that." I said, and she let out a shaky breath.

"We have a lot of work to do."

"One day at a time, B."

She turned and held out her hand.

"Can I have this dance, baby?"

I let her twirl me into her arms and then we joined Carmen and Nico.

There was noise and steam coming from a kitchen and then I chuckled to myself.

"He planned this...there's no way he just had chefs on standby."

When we finally sat down, Nico looked across the table at Brittany and nodded.

"Ask again."

"Why were you in Lima?"

"I am a businessman, Brittany and so I have lawyers...many of them. Marco Vega until recently was my lawyer. He has been disbarred and had a lot of dirt on me. My investments haven't always been above board and the moment I knew he was going to Lima, I followed. My wife wanted to see where Santi was from. Her intention had been to surprise her, show up and have girl time but Santi showed up at Marco's not too long after we did." He looked at me and raised an eyebrow.

"She knows what I did. He told her."

"Oh yeah, sounds like him. How about you, Santi...connections to Marco still?"

"I haven't talked to him since he signed the papers."

"Good. See Brittany, I have never trusted the man, especially with your wife. She's precious to me and my wife. You have a treasure there with you and she has been given a raw deal. I hope that those bruises you left on her wrists the last time I saw her are a thing of the past."

Britt turned pink and then nodded at him.

"When I'm not on my medication, I lose control." She said.

He nodded and then pulled out his phone.

"Brittany Susan Pierce, born in Chicago, Illinois on October 31st. Started taking Lithium at age 6 after you-" He was about to continue but she got the point when she slapped her hand on the table.

"Are you threatening me?"

"No, this is a file that Marco had of you. He also has them about your family. I took those files...well Carmen took them. Don't worry she was punished for meddling."

"Punished, you punish your wife?"

I rolled my eyes and picked at my bread while Nico and Carmen banded together to explain the dom/sub lifestyle and then against what I deemed appropriate they told her how they thought I was meant to be a sub and Brittany agreed.

It seemed that they cleared the air just by Nico distancing himself from Marco.

"Thank you for keeping, Ana alive."

"Ana, eh? I like that...Santi, though seems to be my thing."

"It's cute, she is my Ana though."

"Now that we have that settled, Brittany, I want you to know that I'm here for you. I will be around for anything you two might need. I am very much invested in seeing that girl, the one who gave me my Carmen, succeed. I'm also very excited to meet your son."

"Oh, I have pictures!"

When we were back at the house, just us two, Britt seemed relieved to be alone.

"How are you feeling, Ana?"

"I'm still okay, B."

"Good."

"Tomorrow, we can do all the tourist stuff if you want?"

"Really?!" She grinned. "That's not too much?"

"Britt, we can do whatever you want. We can even go see Broadway."

We took showers in our new bathroom and then we cuddled up in bed, both of us feeling exhausted from our day. Britt kissed my face softly and held me against her.

"I'm glad that I got to meet Nico, maybe we aren't into that life but when it comes to us...we've leaned that way. Seeing him with her, in control but also open to what she needed taught me something."

"What's that?"

"You're in charge of a lollipop right, you eat it when you decide, and you lick it as much or as little...it is giving you something sweetness and happiness. If you really love the lollipop you don't bite it...you take your time. That's how I need to be with you, baby. I need to take my time and not bite you. Not hurt you. I can't enjoy your sweetness if I destroy you."

I rolled on my belly and looked at her, like really looked at her and I could feel all that love that I was starting to lose drift back.

"If our son ever needs someone to explain candy to him...you'd knock his socks off."

She leaned forward and kissed me.

"Come here, baby." She said, that little growl in her voice.

I climbed on her, straddling her leg and she pulled me closer until our lips crashed. We rolled around, just making out and touching each other.

We fell asleep in each other's arms, tangled and reconnecting.

It gave me hope.

The sun was shining on my face when my video message was popping up. Britt rested her head on my shoulder and I answered the call from Ian.

And there, on my screen was my little boy sleeping outside of the incubator, smiling in his sleep.

"Look at those dimples." I whispered.

"He's so precious. I miss him so much." B said, and I nodded.

"How are you guys?" Ian asked, keeping the screen on Isaac.

"Reconnecting so that we can be better for him." Britt said.

"Good. Everything is good here. I played that song you recorded for him and showed him your picture. Not sure he could see it clearly, but he smiled just now when he heard your voices."

"I love you, papa!" I said.

"We will see you tomorrow, kiddo." Britt said.

I don't know what go into us but that morning, Britt let me fuck her however I wanted and then she made love to me in every room of the house except Isaac's.

We were a sweaty mess by lunch time and then she asked to go see whatever show had the most dancing in it. So, I googled that while she caught the train all by herself to Nico's restaurant. When she came back beaming, she had a bottle of champagne and a full bag of platters.

"I see you made a friend." I said to her as I walked naked through the living room.

"Fuck, you're so beautiful." She growled, putting the stuff down on the kitchen island and then backing me up against the wall. Kissing me soundly. When her hands were about to travel I put my hands on her wrists.

"You better wash your hands before you put those fingers anywhere."

"Right, dirty fingers." She went over to the sink and washed her hands thoroughly twice before returning to me and running her cold fingers over my nipples and my barely there abs that I had been busting my ass to get back.

"B...please?" I whimpered and then she tipped my chin up and kissed me again. Lifting my legs, she lifted me onto the counter and then knelt. I looked at her with a giant smile and then watched as she buried her face between my thighs. I gripped her hair and she nibbled just a bit, making me hiss. "Fuck me...fingers...please...fing-yessssssss."

I was thrusting my hips towards her face and she didn't try to hold me down. Instead she let me participate in her loving me. This felt right, me and her. It felt easy.

And I missed that feeling more than anything.

With anyone else, there was always underlying stuff that we had to sift through. Me and B had a little bit of that but mostly, loving her was easy.

When we stopped trying to be whoever we were supposed to be in Lima, we got distracted.

"You're thinking too much." She said, pulling away from me. I put my hand on her head and guided her right back.

"Then you need to put more work in, B...I need you. Please? yesss...like that...yesss...ay ay...yes!" I screamed as I came, and she came back up with a shiny face and a smirk.

"I guess I needed motivation."

"Come here." I loved the taste of myself on her lips. "I'm hungry...what did you bring?" I asked as I pulled away.

"Nico sent steak and eggs...waffles and champagne. Said this was our real honeymoon."

"Well then I guess we shouldn't disappoint."