Chapter: 1 Queen's Gambit

"When would you say you became the Queen of Arendelle?" she asks me yet again. Madam Siv is a persistent woman who won't leave my sight until she gets an answer. It's not that she doesn't care about my status, she just...in her own way...views it as tough love. "Your majesty," she intones to no avail. "Queen Anna..."

I gaze out the window and observe the glistening fjords. Unlike Siv's grave and irksome voice, the waters are a company I can never tire of. It's been months since I rose to the throne of our righteous kingdom, yet not all seems tranquil. My people prosper yet I live troubled. Responsibility remains a ceaseless specter on my shoulder, nipping in my ears as I sleep and scraping at my head each morning. In an ironic twist of things, this woman...an advisor of sorts, seeks to aid my internal conflicts by bombarding me with more of them. These mind games only confuse me further as I am forced to answer my own questions through her enigmatic conversation.

"When did you become the queen?" Siv reiterates.

I loose a deep, resigned sigh and dramatically point a finger to my head. "The moment this crown settled between these auburn locks," I grumble. "Happy?"

The older woman's scowl turns to pursed lips. "Not in the slightest," she responds. "You're not even trying to answer truthfully."

I pick at the window sill as my nostrils flare. "Am I wrong?"

"Entirely." Her calm tone makes matters all the more frustrating.

"Then if you know better," I assert. "Because clearly you act like you do, Siv. Why don't you tell me when I became queen?" Siv doesn't budge. Her dark red hair drapes down like trickling blood as if I've wounded her, yet she feels nothing. "What?" I snap. "Now you've got nothing to say? No more questions? No more puzzles?" My raised voice prompts the royal guards to check on me, but my glare is enough for them to shut the door. I rise from my seat and stare Siv down as she does nothing. She only returns the gesture and softly shakes her head. I struggle to read disappointment or surrender...resentment or anguish. Yet amidst her lack of feeling, I find myself staring into a reflection. I recall the resonating numbness that once clung to me in some distant cave, where I sat alone in depression. Only then does my situation clarify.

I sit down, clear my throat, and look out the window once more. I search beyond the mountains and remember how far I once traveled. A response rings true as a cold trauma returns. "Siv," I say and remove my crown. "I became Queen of Arendelle long before this headdress was ever involved." I turn over my hand and run a finger across the crystal nearest them. "Nor this engagement ring. No, I became the queen when I thought I'd lost everything."

"And when was that?" Siv asks.

My eyes strain as I exhale into the window pane. The ensuing fog reminds me of my sister's whiteness as I wipe a solemn hand across it. "We had gone off to right an ancient wrong, one Elsa and I had no control over. She extended to the furthest reaches without me," I explain with great dismay. "While she discovered the answers she sought, I believed her to be...to be..." I bite my lip and slouch back. The same grief that falsely possessed me those many months ago returns with its painful sting.

"Anna," Siv whispers. "If you speak it, you proclaim power over it. Withdraw, and you will be haunted."

I release my clenched fists as a lone tear flees my eye. "I believed Elsa to be dead." Finishing that sentence feels like dropping a jagged stone on my heart and watching it roll onto my feet. "Olaf...died with her. Kristoff was heaven knows where. I was alone. And I wanted to stay in that cave, broken and lost in nothingness."

Siv raises a brow and asks, "But?"

"I couldn't," I respond. "It wasn't in my nature and frankly, I don't think it ever will be. As destroyed and hopeless as I felt, I had to get up. If I didn't, no one else would. My sister would've died in vain and I-" More tears escape my eyes despite my urge to hold them back. "There was too much to lose and despite it feeling like I lost everything, there was still a reason to live. I didn't have a right to give up on Arendelle, so I climbed out of that cave...and did the next right thing." Siv folds her arms and I mimic the gesture. "That," I declare. "Is when I became the Queen of Arendelle."

Siv offers a dutiful nod and dabs her quill in a fresh coat of ink. My eyes dart across her journal as she silently jots down a series of notes before responding. "You always had it in you to lead Arendelle," she says though her emerald eyes never leave her paper. "Always an heir, never a spare. Perhaps it was fate that the throne came to you in time. Tell me, did Elsa's plan for you to be queen ever frustrate you?"

Her proposal bewilders me as I furrow my brows. "This plan you speak of is an agreement," I explain. "As sisters, we serve as the bridge. I rule Arendelle while she protects the Enchanted Forest. This is about balance."

"Is it?" Siv jeers. "Your sister passing this heavy torch to you while she...forgive me, frolics among the woodlands?"

Anger festers within as I endure all of Elsa's sacrifices. "You are out of line," I scold.

"Yet it is you who find yourself unhappy as of late," Siv counters. "In our previous meetings, you spoke of never seeing Elsa this joyous and liberated before. Here you stand queen of this kingdom, engaged, surrounded by adoring masses, yet you cannot find peace."

"Because playtime's over!" I exclaim. "When I was a princess, Elsa handled the important business while I was the 'the fun one'. Now Arendelle depends on me to do whatever it takes to keep it safe. If that means sitting in dreary council meetings and signing endless agreements, so be it. My joy will come again."

"When?"

"I don't know."

"Why?"

"Enough!" I slam my fist on my chair and it sends a sting up my forearm. "What do you want from me, damn you?" I don't often curse unless someone certainly provokes it. "Kai and Gerda, my most trusted servants since childhood, could see I was struggling to rule. They knew me past the fraudulent smiles I frivolously brandished to crowds. So you were recommended to assist me in queenship. They said you were the best, but five sessions in and I feel worse." Siv pinches the bridge of her nose and sips her cup of water. I sneer as she inks her quill and scribbles in her journal once more. I angrily swat her book from the desk and it swivels across the carpeting. She looks up with equal frustration as I continue. "If you're here to help me, do so. But if not, just leave. Don't waste my time in shared sorrow a moment longer." I recover her journal and its pages fan out. Countless paragraphs appear between odd sets of drawings. "You with your notes and sketches of...what are these...arrowheads?"

Siv snatches her journal back. "Are you willing to do whatever it takes to protect Arendelle and better yourself?"

"Yes," I reply. "I've given my life for all of this."

"Would you take life for it too?" Siv asks and a daunting silence follows. We stand in silence, staring into each others' unwavering eyes.

"I-" Her question of all others catches me off guard. "I don't know about that."

Siv glowers. "What was it you said to me?" she recounts. "This is about balance, right?" She slams her journal shut and stuffs it into her satchel. "If you have an answer for me, I'll be in my quarters. You can become so much more, your majesty. You need only have the willingness to set yourself free, as you did in that cave." She departs, leaving me to sit beside my glistening crown: a shiny reminder of the daily responsibilities awaiting me.

Each mounting task is a blur to the senses. Perhaps it was wrong to recount my numbness from the cave, for now it was all I felt. Overseeing local business production feels like I am watching a show unfold. Sitting in humid council meetings feels dull and meaningless. Each dignitary's voice is an inaudible wave of slurs passing across my senses. I have to rewrite several treaties because of spelling errors and my wandering mind. It is as if a pair of invisible hooks keeps the corners of my mouth smiling as I traverse the cobblestone streets. Memories of an awkward, giddy redhead race through my mind. I see her with a freckled face and bright, curious eyes no different than my own. Her pigtails fly in the wind while her heart teems with newfound dreams. Though I visualize this relic of youth, I have no idea where this girl had gone. Seeing my reflection in a local store window prompts feelings of great sorrow. I despise fathoming the concept that Siv could be right to any degree. That Elsa has robbed me of a calmer lifestyle and that I am forced to endure this rule on my own. The numbness of my feet coupled with this distasteful image of Elsa pulling my strings like a puppeteer makes me-

"Anna?" a soft voice calls to me. I feel a firm, soothing grip on my shoulder and turn to see my fiancé. Regardless of everything, Kristoff remains an unmoving pillar of strength. His gentle smile is enough to beckon me closer as I take his hand. "Are you alright?" he asks. I had suffered enough secrets from Elsa for years, and refuse to repeat the pattern. I shake my head and it's enough for him to assuringly caress my hand. He knows I've been struggling since the fanfare of queenship faded. While he can't manage most of my problems, it's nice to know I have him. "How can I help?" he simply asks.

I offer a smile and hold up his hand. "This means more than you know right now," I answer. He kisses mine and gets a chuckle out of me. The moment is short-lived as my smile fades. "I just...can't seem to be happy."

Before Kristoff can respond, another voice talks over him from under him. "I know what can fix that!" says a certain snowman.

"Olaf," Kristoff grumbles. "We're kind of in the middle of-"

"In the middle of getting nowhere," Olaf insists. The pudgy snowman extends a twiggy appendage to me and grins. "Anna, you are the best queen ever."

"Thank you," I sigh. "But-"

"Oh that was just the warm up!" Olaf proclaims. "Tonight, you are also gonna be the ultimate charades underdog who defeats my three-week winning streak!"

My eyes widen and I stiffen. "Charades?"

"Yeah!" Olaf cheers. "I believe in you, Anna. And I just know that when you win, it'll just be bound to make you so happy you'll-"

Everything hits me like a whirlwind. "Damn it!" I curse under the pressure of sleepless nights and rising pressure. "That's tonight?" Kristoff worriedly nods as I rub my temples. "I lost track of the days! Elsa will be here by evening and I-...it...UGH!" I stumble in multiple directions as several townsfolk watch on. "Lord Kristoff," I address him formally. "See to it that preparations are made for dinner. I need to make sure the trade agreements are done in time for game night!" I run off while listening to Olaf question Kristoff.

"What does 'damn it' mean?" the snowman asks.

"Ummm Anna was talking about building a dam. You know...dam it."

He scratches his twiggy head and responds, "But I thought we destroyed the dam."

I have decided that Arendelle will then... "No."

Arendelle has decided to... "Nope."

I, Anna, Queen of Arendelle, daughter of Agnarr and Iduna, hereby decree that... "Yeesh."

Arendelle is going to do whatever the hell it wants because I'm the queen and if anyone has a problem with it, they can... "Yeah...Not a chance."

In closing, Arendelle will proceed with establishing a grand port of trade with the kingdom of Corona. "Done."

I roll up the trade agreement while using the rough drafts as napkins for the dinner I missed. I stuff my face with the last serving of trout as unattractively as can be, which isperfect as my betrothed walks in. I rush to swallow and nearly choke. Kristoff rushes to my aid but my firm hand brings him to a halt. I cough and chug water, knowing alcohol would only further depress me. "I'm finished," I tell him. "You can start without me and I'll be right over."

"Take your time," Kristoff assures as I hear Elsa's raucous laughter from the other room. My how our personalities have shifted, I say to myself. "Hey," Kristoff adds. "I was thinking sometime soon you and I could go out for a sleigh ride."

I huff. "You know I can't."

"I'm serious, darling. No duties, no patrons...no snowman. Just you, me, and the open slopes. Well, Sven of course to pull the sleigh but-"

"That sounds lovely, but I can't take a break like that. It was different when Elsa was queen." My tone is regretful as I brandish my ring. "I'm sorry you're signed up for this. It's not too late to-"

"It saddens me to hear you talk like this," Kristoff says. He steps behind me and rubs my shoulders, which ache from leaning over a desk for hours. I rest my head against his chest as he warms me with his soothing voice once more. "Anna, I love you for all that you are. I'm not going anywhere."

"A sleigh ride does sound nice," I reply. "If I could squeeze some time for it. If I survive this game of charades."

Kristoff smirks and leans down to me. His hands relax against my shoulders as he plants a tender kiss against my lips. I caress his rugged cheek and for a moment, enter the state of bliss I wish I could dwell in forever. Our lips part and we rise together to partake in our weekly tradition. I round the corner and clutch Kristoff's hand tighter. There sits Elsa, a glowing aura of serenity and festivity. My older sister's platinum blonde hair flows as freely as her enchanted steed's mane. Her snowy white dress drapes across the couch like an avalanche of tranquility. Every intricate fractal on its hem glistens beside the fireplace's glow as she twists and giggles alongside Olaf and Sven. She throws up her hands, now as bare as her feet as she finishes weaving an exciting tale. Kristoff's shutting of the door behind us prompts her to spin and gaze upon me. Elsa's eyes beam with jubilation as she springs from the cushions.

"Anna," Elsa calls me into an embrace. "You look as regal as ever."

"Elsa," I chuckle. "You're so spritely."

Spritely. A term she'd once used to describe me. What pesters me the most is that I should be happy seeing Elsa so liberated. Instead, roots of jealousy fester with each gesture she makes.

As we part, Elsa squints at me. "Are you alright?"

"Oh I'm fine," I reply through a yawn. "Just, busy as always."

"I remember those days," Elsa jokes.

"I'm sure you do." My passive-agressive tone doesn't go unnoticed. "I'm sorry," I mumble. "I'm just really tired."

"We don't have to play tonight," Elsa suggests. "We can always reschedule."

"No," I raise my voice only to simmer it down. "You came all this way, sis. Let's play."

"Alrighty!" Olaf screeches and scurries to the front of the room. "Champion goes first!"

He starts to change shape until Kristoff stops him. "Since when?" he says. "Elsa, you're not gonna escape starting off."

Elsa playfully rolls her eyes. "And I almost got away with it. Watch out everyone, lowest score coming through!" Olaf sulks off while my sister takes his place. She fiddles with her hair until an idea strikes her. Sven rings the bell and the game begins. Elsa stands properly as the boys rush to blurt out answers.

"A statue!" Olaf shouts.

"Turned to stone!" Kristoff adds.

Elsa gestures to her head.

"A statue with a headache!"

Elsa tries to conceal her laughter and throws a fake punch.

"Punching a statue with a headache!"

I start to feel the same way I have for most of the day: gone. Not even the warmth of the fireplace seems to touch me betwixt all of the festivity. I'm in a room filled with love, yet I cannot come to feel it. I'm exhausted and my encounter with Madam Siv leaves me lost in shrouded thoughts. What did she even mean by being willing to take life? How could that be the cure for anything? How did that impact balance? Was what she said about Elsa true? Was I dealt yet another bad hand without even realizing it? In a similar fashion to this lack of realization, a word which had been consistently on my mind escaped my lips.

"Death," I say. Elsa stops acting and the boys turn with worried glances. Sven rings the bell for time to be up as I feel the weight of so many eyes on me. "I think I'm done for the night," I utter. As I make for the nearest door, Kristoff and Elsa debate who should go after me. The latter wins when I hear her frantic calls down the hall and turn.

"Anna, what's going on?" she asks. "I know you're not okay."

"I'm the queen," I respond. "How could I be okay?" Elsa appears confused until I pose another question. "When you suggested this plan to be 'two ends of a bridge,' were you actually only thinking of yourself?"

Elsa scoffs, "Anna?"

"Were you?" I snap.

Elsa matches my anger with a tone I haven't heard in years. "How could you think I could be that selfish? This plan was for all of us. Don't take it out on me because ruling a kingdom is stressful. I had to go through it just the same. Do you think I sit and smell flowers all day? The Northuldra need a leader."

"I know," I sigh and sniffle. "You're just...so happy. And I miss that."

"My happiness is not because of where I am," Elsa reassures me and takes my hands. "It's because of who I have become. What you see is the acceptance of my true self."

"Maybe there's still a part of me that I need to find," I admit.

"And you are strong enough to find it," Elsa says. "I know I'm terrible at charades, but back there...that proud figure, throwing punches with a crown atop her head. It was supposed to be you."

My lower lip quivers as I collapse into Elsa's arms. "I'm sorry, sis. It's just a lot right now."

"We love you Anna," Elsa assures. "No matter where we are, we're here for you. I'm here for you."

I peer up from her icy shoulder and see the painting of Joan of Arc. Her sword is raised proudly and I almost imagine her saying, "Hang in there, Anna."

Not even Kristoff's warm arm can keep me feeling safe that night. I stare across the moonlit bedroom and contemplate the piece of my life I could be missing. Kristoff's deep snore grants me the courage to wriggle out of his grasp without waking him. I slip out of bed and venture down the shadowy corridors of Arendelle castle. A room I've only seen upon introducing it to its guest comes into view and I deliver a cautious knock. Siv opens the door almost instantly, leaving me wondering if she was ever asleep to begin with. I glance at the grandfather clock in the hall to remind me its three in the morning.

Siv doesn't even appear tired as she furrows her brows at me. "Do you have an answer for me, your majesty?" she asks.

"I do," I reply. "Though I cannot help but feel uncertain about what the future holds...yes. I am willing to take a life to protect my kingdom and all that I love. Life and death is all part of the balancing bridge." Old Siv checks the hallway before beckoning me into her room. She shuts the door behind me as I marvel over her antiquities. A painting of knights, a greek vase, and a delicate tapestry are all displayed throughout the room. "I never took you for a collector," I say as I feel one of her scrolls.

"Careful with that," Siv warns. "That's Egyptian papyrus."

I notice a familiar symbol painted onto the tip of the scroll and look around. The same insignia can be found stylized in different patterns on the tapestry. It's etched into the vase and a bronze version of the emblem twinkles from the painting's frame. "Those sketches in your journal," I murmur. "They weren't arrowheads, were they?"