Chapter 59: Blame Me! Blame Me! (Anberlin)

I fell asleep in the terminal waiting for our flight announcement. My head was pounding, and my hips hurt from all of Britt's extra attention. When we first found out the flight was delayed, she followed me into the bathroom and fucked me in the handicap stall. She had a hand over my mouth as she pounded into me and I had thrown my head back so hard against the wall as I came that it hadn't stopped hurting since.

"Baby?" I was shaken awake with my head still aching, Britt stood there with a lollipop in her mouth and a grimace on her face. "Bad news." She said and then leaned in and kissed my forehead. I swear that breaking up with her has made her a way better girlfriend than when she was actually my girlfriend.

"Is it time?" I asked, and she shook her head.

"There's a mechanical issue so it's cancelled, it's super duper late so they are putting us in a hotel for the night. The next flight out is at 5am."

"I guess we're not going to school tomorrow." I said, as I stood to stretch. I groaned when I felt the aches in my muscles. My shirt rode up exposing my belly and Britt looked like she'd start drooling any second. She had those bedroom eyes and I couldn't help but shiver knowing that this was something she would just take as a sign to keep right on fucking me. "No funny business when we get to the hotel." I said, and she gave me that innocent face that has always failed to come off as innocent and then she was humming that damn song again...which made me irritated. "B?"

"Hmm?"

"If I ask you to give me a piggyback ride, would you do it?"

"Always."

So, with our bags checked and my legs down for the count, I hopped onto Britt's back as she followed the small crowd to the hotel voucher counter. I literally could fall asleep on her back and I don't think she'd mind. She was trying really hard to be the person that I wanted to date. I knew that she had it in her mind that I would just go running back to Ian or to Quinn or whoever else she thought I was going to run off with but what she needed to understand was, outside of being with her, I'd rather be single. Just because she's a horndog, doesn't mean that I am. I swear what makes me the angriest in all of this is that she gets to fuck that bitch over and over again, but God forbid I get too close to someone else and it's a fucking national emergency.

"Why are you growling in my ear?" B asked as she led us to the hotel that was across the street.

"Huh?"

"You're obviously cranky, just close your eyes and I'll carry you straight to bed."

"Okay, B."

Then she kept humming and I could only smile because even with me breaking up with her she was still trying. I just wish it hadn't taken a break up for her to start fighting for my affection.

When we got to the room and Britt let me down on the carpet, I immediately shut myself in the bathroom and took the hottest shower possible before, making a bee line for the bed and collapsing on it completely naked. In that time, I paid zero attention to Brittany because a part of me was already letting her go.

She was doing her damndest to be what I needed and I was letting her try but that hardcore bitch in me still looked at those bruises on my body from her harsh fucking these past few weeks and knew that this was bigger than her suddenly wanting to love on me. I had been hurting, feeling lowest of low and that doesn't just go away.

I closed my eyes as I laid flat on my stomach and could feel myself falling into a deep sleep but then I felt her hands running up the length of my body and I tried to stay perfectly still, not wanting to encourage her.

"No funny business, B." I grumbled but I couldn't fight the urge to let out a moan. "Damn that feels good, on second thought, don't stop." I muttered.

"Shh...I'm trying to seduce you I can't do that if you are so willing to be seduced."

"You don't have to seduce me...I want you completely, haven't I proved that enough today...even after breaking up with you, I've still been yours!" I mumbled, as she began to nibble on my ear. My resolve was always putty when it came to Brittany, so even though I was exhausted, I could feel my body reacting.

"I know...but I want to." I let out a sigh as she kissed down my neck and across my shoulders.

"If you're going to fuck me...just go slow, I'm going to need to walk at some point."

"You're no fun!"

Britt pouted as she rolled me over onto my back and I smirked at her.

"I can be fun...if you'd let me top you for once."

"So, you aren't going to let me seduce you, are you?"

"Nope."

I pulled her down by her tank top and kissed her and then when she let her guard down I flipped us over straddling her in one go.

"I see you have been paying attention." she giggled.

"I'm a very good student!" I said as I peeled her clothes from her body. "Especially when my teacher is so hot!"

It has been so long since I had taken time to touch her and after the way she fucked me today, it was my turn to show her that I still had it. I looked down into the glittering eyes and it took my breath away. B broke out into a smile and did that scrunchy nose thing that I loved so much.

I dropped my head to her shoulder and began to kiss her neck as my hands explored her breasts. Her breath hitched, obviously a good sign. I stole a kiss from her lips before making my way to her breasts.

"Ana...that feels...great!" she whispered as I sucked her nipple into my mouth and rolled it between my lips. There is nothing sexier than the way Britt moans...it makes me wet every damn time. I ran my hand down between her legs and looked into her face waiting for the first moan.

It was hard to keep my eyes open, but I needed to get through this, I needed to stake my claim on her, give her a reason to keep coming back. When we first slept together, Britt was always talking about it taking an eternity for her to have an orgasm if she had one at all.

But when it came to me, she never lasted long and with my exhaustion, I was hoping that I still had magic fingers when it came to her.

"Ohhhhhhhh...wow!" she choked out as I began tracing patterns over her clit with my fingertips, just ghosting them over her clit and then, I kept my eyes on her as I crawled down between her spread legs.

Her eyes were hooded as she looked at me and then I blew on her wetness and she squealed. I chuckled, and it came out deep, which made her lip get trapped between her teeth. She hadn't ever been good at seducing, but I was a master.

I gave one good lick and her body lifted off the bed. After that I scratched my nails up and down her legs, she was was whimpering as I touched and kissed her everywhere but her clit. We hadn't brought any extra stuff with us since our bags were checked in at the airport, so I was going to have to pray that my hips cooperated as I pushed her legs above her head, then I was pressing my hips against hers, our clits meeting as I thrust my clit against hers. I hated scissoring, it took to much work but right then, it felt long overdue. She could only watch as I pressed against her and I could see that she was staring unblinking as she moaned.

Topping her like this was for special occasions...I guess tonight, it was our breakup sex. She was gripping the sheets as I rocked against her, slowly...dragging this out so that she'd pass out and let me finally get some sleep.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" She screamed as she came. Then I let her legs fall and laid between her legs, sucking her clit into my mouth before using the tip of my tongue to trace letters. I kept spelling the word mine repeatedly until she came shuddering a few seconds later.

She was shuddering and shaking every few moments, her body telling me that she was done. I felt victorious as I crawled up to the pillow and tucked the blanket around us, not caring that I never came...just wanting sleep.

But then she was on my back again, shoving her fingers between my legs. "You don't go to bed without an orgasm, did you forget that rule?" She growled and then rubbed at my clit until I was shaking.

I tapped the bed three times and she broke into giggles.

"I tap out, B."

"Still no daddy, huh?"

"Do I need to say her name?" I mumbled into the pillow.

She kissed the side of my face and then slapped my ass. "Goodnight, baby."

"That's what I thought."

Britt was awake at dawn, I could hear her moving around but I kept my eyes closed, refusing to move until I absolutely had to. She left at one point and I actually was able to fall into a deeper sleep but just as I was starting to dream, the door opened, and I heard Britt humming that song.

If glee was still a thing that we did, I could see her making that into a solo. I stayed there, pretending to sleep still but Britt had enough of my faking, so she began to kiss my face, then she trailed her kisses down my back, until she got to my bare ass and then she bit it.

"B." I groaned. "Need sleep."

"It's time to get up, I let you sleep a little extra, but you really need to get up or we are going to miss our flight."

"Fuck, fine!" I threw the smallest tantrum kicking my legs and whining like a toddler, but she wasn't hearing any of it.

"If we leave now there will be time to get a second coffee."

"Second?" I raised my eyebrow with my eyes still closed.

"Yes, because I got you one already and I know you'll down it before takeoff."

She knew me so well.

After threatening to fuck me again, I finally got up and kept my eyes as squinted as possible as I got ready. Then when I was finally dressed, Britt shoved my sunglasses and a cup of coffee at me.

"You are an angel." I said, sipping almost half of my coffee in one gulp. "Sweet nectar of the Gods, marry me." I said to the coffee.

"Hey...no fair. I can't compete with coffee!"

"No, B, you sure can't but I would enjoy watching you try." I winked at her and then tried not to grumble since she was refusing to carry me on her back on the way to the airport.

Rude!

Our flight got delayed yet another hour, so I was able to pee and grab another coffee for the flight. Britt was finally starting to show signs of exhaustion by the time we got into our seats in first class. When they offered her a warm towel, she smiled at the flight attendant and said she wasn't a baby so no thanks.

She gave me the window seat and I put on my headphones, Britt took my hand as she closed her eyes, always hating the pressure of takeoff and landing.

I kissed her lips and then put my chunky headphones over her ears, until we were up in the air. She fell asleep and I was suddenly feeling alert as we cruised towards Ohio.

When we touched down in Dayton and I powered up my phone, I had a missed call from Ian. Britt went to grab our luggage and I called him back.

"Hey, Baby Mami!" He said sounding way too perky, some of the shine had worn off with time and distance. It was hard to believe that I had been with him just a few days ago. Friday felt like an eternity ago.

It was only Tuesday!

"Hey...what's up, shouldn't you be in class?"

"Senior skip day, I am at the hospital with the wonder kid."

"Shit...we could have left later!"

"You're not home? I thought you got in last night."

"Something was wrong with the plane...we didn't take off until this morning."

"Oh, so where are you now?"

"Just got to Ohio. How's Isaac?"

"He's having a bad morning, which is why I was calling. His lungs aren't doing so good...they are talking about moving him back to the NICU."

My heart ached for my son, there was no way I could just go home to rest knowing that he was suffering.

"I'm coming straight there from the airport." Britt walked over to me pulling both suitcases, "Isaac is sick, they're going to put him back in the NICU."

Britt's face fell. "Is it because we weren't there?" She asked, and I shook my head.

"Ian, we will see you in about an hour...let the doctor know we'll be there."

Before he could say another word, I hung up. My whole body was shaking with anxiety as I blamed myself for selfishly leaving when he still needed that skin to skin contact. Britt wrapped me up in a hug and we took a moment to get ourselves together.

"We can't blame ourselves, B...well at least you shouldn't blame yourself, I'm the one that fucked him up."

"Hey...don't do that."

"It's true, for the rest of his life, every time he gets sick I'm going to wonder if it's because of what I did."

"You make it up to him by being there, being sober, and never getting down on yourself...do you hear me?" She was tipping up my chin and being that person that I craved. She was being my 80 in that moment and I was so grateful for it.

"Thanks B."

Britt went back to sleep as I drove us back home, the caffeine rush from two coffees keeping me from crashing figuratively and literally.

I had a one-track focus, I needed to get to him and because I knew that I needed to be as irritant free, I didn't touch my emergency cigarettes which was yet another habit I needed to kick.

When I pulled up to the hospital I put the top up and then brushed my fingers over Britt's cheek. She opened her eyes and smiled softly at me.

"I'll never stop trying to marry you." She said, still half asleep.

"And I'll never stop wanting to be your wife." I said back. "I'm hopelessly in love with you, B."

"Do you still like, like me?" She asked.

"Yes." I said, leaning in and kissing her lips. "Let's go see our baby boy."

"Ours?" She asked, making sure I hadn't changed my mind.

"Ours."

She took my hand in hers and didn't let it go all the way up to the reception desk. The nurse was about to stop me from seeing Isaac and had that gloating face on from Friday but then she saw Britt she sat back down. I smirked at her, raised my middle finger and kept walking.

Isaac was already back in the NICU with Ian. He looked paler than usual and his lips were tinted blue. I couldn't stop the tears that fell from my face.

Nurse Becky was waiting for me and pointed to my chest.

"Get yourself ready, we need some of that skin to skin before he goes down for his nap." She gave me an unscented wipe just in case I had any germs on my chest and then gave him to me as soon as I was seated in the rocking chair. He had a mask covering his face and his eyes were half open.

My poor baby looked so high and I hated to see it. I could hear his wheeze as he inhaled the treatment. I was blaming myself but trying not to let it get in the way of my moment with him...even if it was straight up my fault that he was struggling to breathe because of the stupid shit that I had done.

"Izzy baby you have to get better papa so that you can come home. I love you so much." His breathing slowed a bit as I rubbed his little back and whispered to him. "I love you, I love you, I love you papa!"

After he fell asleep, I let Britt have some time with him while I paced the hallway, trying to get my crying to stop. Ian wrapped me up in his arms and I cried against him. He rubbed my back and even his hug felt less soothing.

"It's going to be okay, stop beating yourself up...okay?" I nodded but didn't speak.

The doors slid open and then I heard Britt's sneakers. She kissed my temple and then rested her hand on my hip. "Let's let him sleep, we'll go home and get some rest. Okay?"

I stepped away from Ian and then threw myself at her. She hugged me tight and kept kissing my face, rocking me until I was able to calm myself down.

"I'm going to head home too, did you to come together tonight and maybe have dinner after? Friday is weighing on me."

"Actually, Ian...I think tonight, I need some alone time with B. Feel free to still come but I think we are going to come back on our own time, is that okay?"

He gave me a sad smile, knowing that the wall between us was directly linked to what happened on Friday. I didn't regret going there with him because he was an amazing guy and he showed me love that I hadn't felt from a guy ever but it shifted things. We couldn't be best friends, that position was already filled.

We needed boundaries and that started now. He was my 20 and I needed Britt to see that it was possible to keep a person in your life but not fuck them every waking moment. I felt annoyed again and tried to push it down.

"Yeah, of course. I'll come see him in the morning. I've been here every day, I don't have to see him twice today." Then he turned to Brittany and put his hand out for her to shake. She took it and shook it but didn't drop his hand or maybe he was holding her in place. Either way, there was serious eye contact that made me feel like I might have to jump between them. "I crossed a line on Friday and I know that we talked it over on Saturday but I just want to let you know, that it won't ever happen again. I recognize that she's your wife and I won't take Isaac away from you either."

She pulled him into one of those Britt bear hugs and I felt tears spring to my eyes. I was becoming a sap. God. They talked quietly to each other, heads bowed together and then he lightly punched my shoulder before leaving us standing in the hall. Britt smiled at me and then held out her hand to me.

"Why'd you do that?" Britt asked as we made our way to the reception area to remove the restriction that Britt had put on my visitation while the other chick was on break.

"Because, you and I really need to start doing this as two parents. We have brought way too many people inside our relationship...if you want to make our way back to being a couple, there are things we need to do on our own."

I have never been happier to see my bed, so I took the quickest shower before I dove face first into the pillows. Britt didn't even try anything as she fell asleep wrapped up with me.

We had been through a lifetime in just a few short days and we needed to rest before dealing with the world but the world had other plans. What felt like moments later, there was a banging at the front door and I jerked awake, not sure if it was a dream. B was laying on her back, drooling on my pillow just as naked as I was. My head was aching as I tried to get my bearings and then the banging was back and louder this time.

"Who is being so rude?" Britt grumbled as she hugged my waist but I was awake and nervous about what the hell was going on.

"Come to the door with me Britt...I'm kind of afraid to go alone."

She sat up and looked at me with sleepy eyes and nodded.

"Okay, baby." She leaned in and kissed my lips. Her lips tasted like sugar and I took a moment to deepen the kiss. Whatever blissful bubble we were in was about to burst and I just needed this moment. Her hand cupped my chin as we started to make-out but then the banging again.

"Fuck!" I growled and then got up. We threw on our robes and lazily walked towards the living room as it got increasingly louder. "Hold your horses, I'm coming."

Britt looked through the peephole and then back at me.

"It's the cops." I was so confused but nodded for her to open it.

"Santana Vega?" I slapped my forehead when Britt flinched, I needed to get that changed, even if we weren't together anymore.

"Yes?"

He handed me a blue paper.

"We have two warrants, one to search the premises in connection to an ongoing investigation and one for your vehicle. Do you have any firearms or explosives in your residence."

"Yes. My father's gun. It's behind the couch. What is this about?"

"It's in the paperwork, now if you'll excuse us." I stepped back, knowing better than to fight a warrant by yelling and screaming. Instead I stormed to my bedroom and reached for my phone but the cop that was behind me took it from my hands.

"Um...what the fuck are you doing?"

Seizure of your assets and phone records is included in the warrant.

"Am I being arrested or are you just taking my shit?" My phone started buzzing in his hands and I saw Sal's face. "Look, that's my lawyer, I will give you whatever you want but at least let me get my numbers!"

He handed it back to me but hovered.

"Santana, there you are!"

"Sal, there are cops crawling all over my apartment." I started walking towards the living room again where they were tossing my shit around like they had no manners. I looked into the parking lot, "My expensive car is on a tow truck and they are taking Papi's gun, I don't think being blindsided by this is cool, Sal...what the hell is going on?"

"You had a warrant issued for your arrest about an hour ago in connection with the sale of illegal narcotics. These are serious charges, Santana."

"I haven't done anything, how bad is this?"

"These are felony charges. This is no joke...we can't play around with this it looks like they want to make an example out of you."

"So, are one of these people taking me in or should I expect more cops? This is fucking crazy...where is this coming from all of a sudden?"

"Kyle Chambers was picked up yesterday and he struck a deal with the DA...smaller sentence if he turned in his hookup. You were named."

"What? That's bullshit Sal. This could get me kicked out if school if this sticks...I could lose Isaac!" Now I was officially panicking.

"Well hopefully you aren't in possession of anything, do you have anything on you?"

"No." I knew better than to talk too deep about this with a cop hovering.

"Have you consumed cocaine in the last 24 hours?"

"No...look I have to turn my phone over to this cop who is staring in my face like he knows me. Do you have Brittany's number?"

"Yes."

"Can you call my mom for me and maybe try to delay this warrant. I will turn myself in, I just need to see Isaac beforehand. He's sick and I need to see him."

"Unfortunately, Santana...it's too late for that."

"Fuck!"

I stood there with Britt's arm around me, still in just our robes while they left with tubs of stuff that had nothing to do with Kyle or drugs, but they were trying to find anything.

Britt tried to right the furniture and picked up their mess but that didn't erase the fact that I was suddenly in deep shit. I was a wreck as I watched my car get taken away and I didn't want to wait for the cops to arrest me in front of my neighbors...this had been embarrassing enough.

When Britt's phone rang she put it on speaker.

"Sal?"

"I talked to Captain Rivera, he told his officers to hold off on picking you up. You have until midnight to turn yourself in. Go see your son."

"Thank you, Sal! Remind me to give you a raise!"

"Oh, I will. I sent your mother a copy of the warrant, she's on her way back from Chicago."

"Thank God. I'm going to get dressed and head to the hospital. Should I meet you at your office or the station?"

"Your father's house is fine. Gladys will want to come with us."

"Okay. Talk soon."

Britt wrapped me up in her arms and I just leaned against her, not talking just taking this moment for what it was.

"Take over, B...I can't think." I said, and she nodded.

"Shower. Clothes. Food. Hospital."

I nodded and let her pull me along. This wasn't the time for whether we were together or not...or me calling her Daddy again. This was time for her to act like the woman that I knew she was. When we got to the bedroom, she pulled out clothes from the dressers and then took a moment to swallow back her pills. "Almost forgot." She muttered. Then she took me to the bathroom and washed me down, taking time to kiss me and tell me that I was so much bigger than this.

That she loved me and I just stood there soaking it all in, not quite sure what came next. My daze continued as I got dressed and then sat in the kitchen, waiting for her to heat up some pizza from last week. She ate with me and didn't say much, just held my hand while we ate in silence. Then when we were finished, she took my other hand and bowed her head.

"Dear...um...Jesus. Please make this go away and make Izzy better again. Amen." I nodded when she looked at me for validation. The prayer had been perfect. I couldn't ask for more.

It had been ages since I'd been in Britt's rusty pickup truck and I vowed right then and there that someday soon, I'd get us something new and untainted by snorting drugs off the dashboard.

Together or not, my baby mama deserved the world.

Britt held my hand upon our return to the hospital and I just followed her lead, washing my hands and arms before we went inside.

Isaac laid there staring up at the mobile that hung above him, smiling at it with his mask on. Britt stood on one side of him and I stood on the other and his eyes ping ponged back and forth.

"Hey papa, I just needed to see you...I missed you." I held his little hand and sang to him, his eyes started to drift closed. He had a small smirk on his face and I couldn't help my tears.

Britt cleared her throat.

"Not in here...take a breath." I nodded and took a deep breath before wiping at my face. I stood there a bit longer, just watching him sleep.

Britt took a seat in the rocker and texted.

"Everything okay?" I asked when her face was scrunched up.

She looked up at me and nodded before heading to the hallway. A few moments later, she came back with my mom, who was dressed up in her best lawyer get up and looked fierce, until our eyes met. At that moment, she became my mother again.

"Sal's out in the hall, the D.A. fought back against your Padrino giving you until midnight."

"How soon do I have to turn myself in?" I asked, looking back at my sleeping son.

"One hour."

I nodded and then leaned down and kissed Isaac's little head.

"Let's get it over with then."

We rode together in Mami's car, no one really speaking until Britt, arm wrapped around me in the back seat, spoke up. "Sal, what happens next?"

"Well, she will be booked and questioned, then they will keep her in custody until her arraignment sometime tomorrow...I'm hoping that we can get a bail hearing soon after."

Britt kissed my head when I let out a whimper. My daze was gone, reality was hitting me hard and I had no one to blame but myself.

"What does Santana need to do?"

"Go in there be honest but only say what you need to say no more, no less. Don't fight them. Act like you are talking to one of us."

"You'll be there too, Ma, right?" Britt was on the case and it made me smile since my words had left me. Having Mami there was a big deal to me since she had gone to one of the best law schools in the country, the same law school that I might get kicked out of, if these charges stick.

"Absolutely, Brittany. Captain Rivera will also be doing everything he can...but once they find out he is Anita's godfather I'm not sure how much help he will be."

"What can I do?" Britt asked.

"You will stick by your wife's side and be there for her. I will need you to be my command center, call her sisters together because if they place bail really high, I'm not going to be able to help her by myself. Keep taking care of my grandson, just keep doing what you're doing Brittany. I have faith in you."

"Thank you."

I leaned up and kissed Britt's lips, putting my hand to her cheek."I have faith in you too, Daddy." I whispered in her ear and she got a goofy grin.

"Now? Seriously?" She whispered.

"I just needed to see your smile." I said, and she hugged me again.

Married, engaged, friends, enemies...there was no one I wanted in my corner more than my Britt Britt.