Breathe in, breathe out. That's it Jenny, only three more months of this to go.
Who am I fucking kidding, school is hell? Breathing isn't going to help, so might as well suck in a breath and get this over with.
Twisting open my locker, I sifted through the strewn about papers to retrieve my stuff. School blows, the only person I knew there was Vivian and we sat really far away so the only thing we could do was share 'are you fucking serious' looks when Tyler decided it was an excellent idea to break into song in the middle of class.
Right. Fuck me into a different dimension.
I might enjoy school more if I wasn't as antisocial as I happened to be, but life being life; I would rather gouge my eyes out with blunt forks than talk to the brainless generation that I happen to belong to.
The truth is I didn't really have a lot going for me. I had copper hair. Blue fucking hair. I also have braces since I was 6 because my mother gifted me with the shittiest genes in the galaxy that graced me with huge rabbit upper incisors and acne to match. Seriously. My mouth hurts really bad fucking braces. Maybe that was why I was such an asshole to anyone who tried to engage me in conversation. My 'bitch face', as Amy so kindly nicknamed my 24/7 facial expression, tended to scare people off when they even came near me to ask for a pencil.
Oops.
Like I said, I was pretty boring. I had an inner circle of friends, I guess, but I sort of did my own thing. I was also kind of an open book - what you saw is what you got.
Except for one tiny thing.
There was one secret I harbored from my estranged group of friends.
And that secret was Chuck Bartowski.
Now, if you ever met me in life you would think why the fuck would Jenny Burton even think about an air-headed dumbass whose only talent is whacking a stick at a puck aggressively until it flies into a plastic based net for sport?
And the simple answer is, I have the world's biggest fucking soft cottony crush on him.
…Okay, so maybe it's not so simple after all.
Over the almost four years of fuck-me-over-sideways shit everyone calls 'high school', I have just slowly fallen under the spell of Chuck Bartowski. How you ask? Well…oh god, this is going to sound extremely creepy, but it really isn't, I swear. I've sort of… watched him.
I don't really remember the first time I saw him, but I do remember thinking well Jesus fucking jolly ranchers is he attractive, I mean wow he is straight out of a dream hot.
And then I saw him go up to his idiot friends and think what a shame, that attractive being is simply a potato-salad-for-brains waste of oxygen.
Call me judgmental, if you will, but let's not forget that for many years I had a public instagram, with open messages. I knew what kind of boys he was friends with. The same guys who would send me full on pictures of their...crotch goblins. And then call me a stick ugly bitch when I expressed distaste at their completely unprovoked photography.
Enough of that. Back to Chuck. As usual.
There was something about him, something I couldn't put my finger on that I could only assume to be the mysterious element that girls find oh-so-lovely about their male specimens.
And it only got fucking better from there.
He was smart.
Like actually 'woah you have the potential to win a Nobel Prize' smart.
Un-fucking-fortunately he hid that amazing talent from his dumb as fuck friends.
And you might ask why Jenny, where did you happen to get this particular bit of info? And I would respond with, buckle up motherfucker, because I have a story to tell you.
Freshman year, English. My teacher found out that I was the one who was mumbling all those delicious curse words under their breath during tests, and for punishment I had to sort and help grading the end of the semester essays.
He was one fucking lazy ass teacher.
But anyways, in that treacherously boring time I was forced to serve, I happened to stumble across the essay on ice formations in the North Pole by none other than Chuck Bartowski.
Now I am a snake of a woman, so I read his little essay in hope for some entertainment from whatever unintelligent shit he happened to pull out of his ass.
But I was wrong.
Dead wrong, in fact.
His essay was so brilliant I remember rethinking my life decisions for forty-five minutes after his last words, and now I have this habit of using biodegradable items and recycling whenever possible.
So, because of some hippy-ass essay that by simple chance I had snagged, I had developed a teensy infatuation with that curly-haired bastard.
And contrary to popular belief that crushes last for a month at the most, let myself be a shining example that crushes only grow to be much too fucking heavy to hold up and now I am pretty much drowning in adEllietion.
Fucking pathetic.
Everything that he does, from his adorable laugh to his sexy smirk makes me want to throw myself out of a fucking window and sob until I drown in my own tears.
So here I am, sitting in Social studies class and listening to the teacher (ha, not really) and waiting uber impatiently for me to get the hell out of high school and my ass into college, because the second I stop seeing Chuck is the second the weight of this crush is yanked off of my shoulders and tossed into oblivion.
Only three more months.
My thoughts are thrown off track when Vivian's snort of laughter snags my attention, just in time to see Tyler face-down on the floor.
I laugh as well, seeing Tyler in pain brings me much joy.
Just kidding. I'm not that bitchy, jeez.
But I am laughing, because his idiocy is a source of free entertainment and who am I to turn that shit down?
"Mr. Martin, may I ask as to why you are upside-down?" Mr. Taylor inquires, less entertained than the rest of us.
Tyler pushes himself off of the ground with a squeak of protest from his desk as his weight returned.
"Yes, you may, and that information is classified. " He said in that smart-ass voice that makes me want to smack him with a baseball bat.
"Alright, and as the teacher of this class, I advise you not to disrupt the class again, or I might be forced to reveal your test results to the entire class."
Instantly his face went red and he shut up. There was a collective murmur that passed across the students and Mr. Taylor returned to his pointless lecturing.
The only thing keeping me awake during the remainder of class were the two fingers propped on my left temple, and the hurried buzz of whispers from behind me.
When I finally escaped (albeit hurriedly) Vivian barely caught up to me.
"Ugh, was it just me, or was that particularly unbearable?"
Out of everyone in my group of friends, Vivian was probably the most like me. Which always left me asking how the hell did she ever get a boyfriend?
But I always waved those thoughts away because I liked Daniel a lot, partial to the fact he disliked idiots almost as much as Vivian and I did.
That left Lou, Amy, and Hannah. They all found idiocy 'adorable', but, much like Vivian and I, they kept to themselves.
Which I guess is why we all clicked.
"It wasn't just you; I think Tyler was trying extra hard to be a dumbass today. " I answered flatly, turning a sharp corner into a flood of people with a laughing Vivian by my side.
"I would pity Mr. Taylor, if he wasn't such a hard-ass prick." Vivian said with a distasteful wrinkle of her nose.
"He needs to pull whatever the hell it was that died out of his ass, " I hadn't even notice Daniel sidle up next to us in the commotion of the hallway.
"Knowing him, it was probably a ferret. " I said with a wry smirk, remembering the distant rumor of his affairs with Mrs. Connelly's ferret, Webster.
"I almost forgot about that. " Vivian said accusingly, I didn't blame her, nobody wants to envision that.
"Almost, " Daniel chastised. Vivian smiled affectionately, it was rare to get one of those out of her, but if anyone could pull it off, it would be Daniel.
In fact, it was pretty rare to get anything out of her if you weren't her friend. Vivian was scary as all fuck, and had mastered the bitch face, while I was still intermediate.
"Well, I gotta get to Calc. See you guys in English?" Daniel asked rhetorically, waving us with one hand as he disappeared back into the crowd from which he came.
"Bye, " Vivian said tardily, long after Daniel had left. I gave her a knowing smile and a thin blush painted her cheeks as she parted so that she could get to her Latin class.
I had Physics next. Tch, talk about a load of useless shit I never want to have to use again.
But…the class was interesting enough; I sat in the back corner of the room and had an almost perfect view of Chuck's face where he sat opposite to me.
He had this awful habit of running his hands through his hair.
I walked into the class, a lot more positive than an hour before, and saw Lou frantically waving me towards her and Amy, who must've had something important to tell me.
Knowing them, I probably didn't give even two shits about whatever tidbit of gossip they had managed to pick up, but I loved them so I would fake it.
"Oh, my goodness, you'll never guess what Mee-Mee heard Nini-bee!" Lou exclaimed, her brunette hair shaking from all the bouncing that she was doing in her chair. I can't say I'm all too fond of her nickname for me, but I was extremely fond of Lou herself (honestly, who wasn't?) so I let it slide.
"What is it Lou? Did little Timmy fall down the well?" I teased. Her playful glare made me smile as I took my seat, and allowed myself a fleeting glance at Chuck.
Ugh, he should not be allowed to wear black. He looked positively criminal.
"Actually, no. I heard that Ellie and Devon finally hooked up!" Amy said, slamming her hands on her desk like this bit of gossip was god's word.
My eyebrows immediately raised in surprise. Devon was so many leagues below Ellie, it was almost laughable. But then again, Ellie is out of everyone's league.
"Wow, that's…that's interesting. " I said, my interest barely peaking, but my weak lie was enough to fool both Amy and Lou.
Lou and Amy were easily the closest out of all of us, they've been friends for what seemed like an eternity. Amy was fit, and gorgeous. She had flowy blonde hair and sassy attitude to boot. Lou was short, and fucking adorable. Nobody could out-cute Lou, she could charm a serial killer.
Hannah was barely on time; her seat was next to Amy and she smooth her hair down so that it wasn't wild and free like Lou's.
"I forgot my notebook, again. " Hannah spoke with a sigh of relief. Honestly, Hannah is so forgetful I frequently wonder how she hasn't come to school naked yet.
"Again? Damn Nana, you need to just walk around with everything. " Amy suggested.
"I don't understand why you don't just wear your backpack." I said flatly. Hannah gave me the 'I've told you this before' look and shook her head.
"Ellie says it'll ruin my outfit!" She wailed in anguish, plopping her stuff on her desk and resting her chin in the palm of her hand.
They started talking about the Ellie and Devon rumor, and I found myself losing interest extremely quickly.
And my mind instantly wandered back to Chuck. Accompanied soon by my eyes.
His hair looked so soft. I swear, I would pay good money just to run my fingers through it. And the way his muscles twitched when he tapped his pen against his paper was extremely distracting.
Man, class has only been going for twelve seconds and already I'm out of breath.
Mr. Baker, a short and timid man, scurried into the classroom only to announce that he'd be back in a few minutes, leaving the class to blab as loud as it pleased.
As for me, I continued stealing glances at Chuck, completely unbeknownst to him.
At least, I hope.
"Nini! What are you thinking so hard about?" Hannah asked.
"Just what would have Mr. Baker in such a hurry is all," I covered expertly, years of lying under pressure coming to support me.
"Hm. Maybe his cat died. " Amy murmured blankly. Looks like her mind was elsewhere too.
"Uh oh, I know who you're thinking about, " Lou sang tauntingly. This was new, usually Amy having a new crush was always the topic at hand.
"Oh my gosh, who, who?!" Hannah asked excitedly, leaning forward in her desk as Amy blushed.
"It's nothing. " She mumbled, but from that tone I knew that it definitely was not nothing. "It's Tyler~ " Lou whispered, and I felt my mind go numb.
Amy liked Tyler? That dumb as a bag of rocks punk?
"No, it isn't!" Amy hissed, but Lou and Hannah were already squealing. I wanted to grab Amy and smack her extremely hard. What is wrong with her? Tyler? She could do a million times better!
But then again, a million times zero is zero.
I sighed in both confusion, and anguish. I knew that if Lou said it, then it must be true.
God this suck. Do you know what I'm going to have to endure now? Hours upon hours of 'oh my god~ Tyler looked soooo cute today!'
But then again, maybe Vivian would be able to knock some sense into her…
Mr. Baker came bustling into the room, piles of paper in his scrawny arms as he nearly toppled over trying to set them on his desk. A chorus of giggles took the room by storm when he screamed at an extremely high pitch as he dropped what must've been an important paper.
As Mr. Baker introduced the lesson for the day, I found myself almost slipping into a Chuck-induced coma. It's like he's trying to kill me, I mean, come on dude, stop running your fingers through your hair it's making my chest hurt.
I groaned softly as I heard the words 'open your textbook'. Open your textbook was the ultimate death sentence. You would know too, if you had to hear Mr. Baker's voice. It was sort of high pitched, and it sort of made your ears want to commit suicide.
"And so, if we put the Doppler Effect…well, into effect, " Mr. Baker laughed at his own wannabe joke. His laugh is the grossest thing I have ever heard, sort of like a wheezing kitten that is dying of lung cancer.
It seemed that Chuck was just as disgusted by his laugh, because he sort of recoiled, like he had been slapped by the sound of his laugh.
And that my dear fuckers, is when it happened.
Chuck Bartowski, for the first time in his fucking attractive life, turned around.
Fuck.
Thanks to my quick reflexes, I managed to flick my gaze back to Mr. Baker just in time so that Chuck didn't see me drooling over him.
But fuck. He was looking at me. I could feel his gaze, it was burning a searing hot hole in my head.
What the hell do I do? I've been on the opposing side of this situation more than humanly possible, but, I mean, fuck. He's totally staring at me. Do I look back? Do I wave? Do I flip him off?
Oh god. I just wanted to throw myself out the window.
I'm going to scream. Or maybe cry. Or both. Yeah...definitely both.
Suddenly one billion and a half metric fucktons were lifted off of my back as his eyes slowly drifted away from me and back to Mr. Baker.
Holy fucking skittles was that intense. Well, maybe just for me. He probably wasn't even looking at me.
Shit.
Oh hell.
He must've been looking at Amy.
Of course, he was looking at Amy, she's beautiful, oh god, I'm safe.
And maybe that wasn't such a good thing.
The remaining time in class was pretty much me weighing my chances of survival if I were to run away, just fucking away from Denver, away from Chuck, away from my friends and to just be alone for the rest of my life.
There was no doubt that I would starve to death, but at this point, anything was better than whatever the hell this is.
I walked out of class mechanically, my mind whirring with possibilities. I'm pretty sure Amy tried to say something to me but I think I walked right past her, I don't know I feel so numb right now somebody could stab me and I'd walk to third period with a knife in my gut.
I have Calc. with Vivian next, thank god. Some Vivian time ought to do me some good, we can make fun of Emmett and Tang.
I just need to relax, just think of relaxing things, kittens, streams, red velvet cupcakes…
I let a long breath out, my mind soothed and my body much less rigid. I walked to my locker to get my Calc. things, while waving goodbye to Lou as she walked past me to her French class.
"Hey, you're Jenny, right?"
I turned around to see who was addressing me, and I almost melted into a puddle.
That's fucking right.
Ha, I just realized that I totally forgot to mention the fact that I've never said a fucking word to him in my life.
I instantly felt my walls go up, there was no reason he should be talking to me. I didn't do anything different.
He smelled so fucking good. I had no idea what the scent was, but good god I just wanted to bury my face in his chest and inhale for hours on end.
Okay, I better pray Chuck isn't a mind reader right now.
"What's it to you?" I snapped, thanking every god that my hair covered my very red ears.
Chuck tilted his head in the slightest, his eyes evaluating every move I made.
"Well?" I asked, embarrassed that he would even look at me this long.
This wasn't part of the fucking plan I was supposed to go to college and forget about him oh god I hope he says something before I explode…
"Hm, have we…met…before?" He asked. If anybody else had said that, it would've been awkward, but with Chuck, it seemed completely natural.
Fuck him.
I scowled. "No, now beat it. "
He looked completely surprised by my harsh manner, and to be honest that would make two of us. I have no clue why I was being so bitchy to him; my only explanation was that I didn't want to fall in love with him any harder than I already have.
"Would you quit staring at me like a creep?" I asked rudely. Now I knew for sure that I was blushing, my cheeks were heated and I just wanted to rip my face off so that he couldn't see my blush.
And while you're at it, could you possibly be a little bit less fucking attractive? Some of us are trying to breathe here.
"Wow, have you always been at this school?" He asked, as if he were bewildered by the fact that we had never crossed paths.
"Yeah, thanks for noticing. " I said sarcastically, my locker now open as I gathered my Calc. stuff. I can't lie, that hurt a little. We'd been going to school together for like 4 years now. Sure, I avoided him like the plague and I went out of my way to say nothing to him, but we'd had classes together.
"Seriously? I can't believe I've never noticed you… " He trailed off as he seemed to be staring at my hair intensely. I had to bite my tongue to keep myself from saying "no, the color of my hair is not natural. Yes, I do look like a troll doll. Thank you for noticing. "
"Yeah, bye. " I said instead, in a clipped tone, twirling around and sauntering away.
Ha-ha, great. Now he'll never fucking talk to you again. Brilliant.
I'm probably the only girl to ever exist and actually not want to get to know her crush. I wanted nothing to do with my crush, I hope I never have to see him again.
God I'm a freak.
…He's a thousand times more attractive up close.
I dropped my stuff on my desk violently and buried my face in my arms. Life sucks, Chuck Bartowski is an asshole.
I should make bumper stickers.
Vivian bumped my shoulder testily, obviously sensing my sour mood.
"You alive Jen's?" She asked, placing her things down and sitting in her spot.
"Just barely, " I breathed out, resting my cheek in my hand. Vivian knew not to pry any farther, so we spent the rest of class in comfortable silence, taking valuable notes that I would never need to use again in life and listening to a teacher who had probably lost all hope in humanity.
When the class did end, I dragged the six pounds of homework that we had been graced with behind my back. Vivian looked about ready to knock some heads (Namely Emmett and Tang, who asked nonstop stupid questions the entire class, like 'why did humans invent math?'.
Normally I would've cheered her on, but right now I just needed to get to my next fucking class, avoid the fuck out of Chuck, then go the fuck home.
The only problem in my otherwise perfect avoid Chuck plan was that he was in my next class, which was an extra health course I took. I wanted to be a nurse when I grew up, and I already had a college scoped out and everything, this was just another notch on my belt.
In the health subject, I just hung out with a sophomore named Alex McHugh who wanted to be a doctor, and I had faith that she would be a doctor. That little chick could list off every artery from the heart to the fucking ankle.
She was a cute kid, and I enjoyed her company well enough, except for the fact that she was really timid and nervous, she was almost afraid to hang out with upperclassmen.
The millisecond I stepped into that godforsaken lecture hall, I felt Chuck's eyes latch onto me. Sucking in a breath like I was going for a swim and not expecting to come back up, I raced up to take my seat next to little Alex.
Alex greeted me politely. I almost hated hanging out with her, I was kind of afraid that I was poisoning her, with my awful swearing habit and my deep hate for pretty much everyone…
Fuck it.
"Hey Alex, " I returned her greeting, a little more casually as I slammed my stuff onto the fold out desk rather boisterously.
Alex jumped a bit from the sound, and I plopped down in my chair, prepping myself for an hour of info that I would actually pay attention to.
The lecture started off with the basic heart functions, and learning about bypasses and heart attacks and preventions. Basic stuff, but about halfway through the lecture I almost thought I heard someone whispering my name.
I whipped my head back, eyes narrowed as I searched for the culprit.
Of-fucking-course, Chuck was looking at me with a puzzled expression, mouthing the words 'you're in this class?'.
I squinted my eyes and gave him one of those 'wtf stop talking to me' glares that I was so (not) famous for.
He didn't seem fazed but I turned back around so that I could face the lecturer again, determined not to let Chuck distract me again.
I almost succeeded, in fact there was only six minutes left of class when the lecture ended, but Chuck was on a roll for pissing me off today, and right now was no exception.
"Jenny, you're in this class?" He asked, he had walked up to me and Alex right as we were packing up.
"Uh, no. I came here for the comfy chairs. " I said, smacking one of the comfy-as-rocks plastic chairs and fake smiling.
He smirked his stupid sexy smirk. "You're sassy. " He commented with a raised eyebrow.
"Excellent observation, genius. You Harvard-bound?" I replied. Fuck. I was totally forgetting how to function. Why was I acting like such a bitch? It was like I had no idea how to have a human conversation when he was looking at me with chocolate, mysterious eyes. Fuckity fuck!
He actually laughed this time, a nice handsome laugh. I'd most definitely be lying if I said I disliked his laugh; in fact, I'd be lying if I said I disliked anything about Chuck.
Except for maybe the fact that he wouldn't leave me alone.
The bell rang and I was about to make my great escape, but Chuck caught my arm and I felt shivers crawl up my spine.
"Catch you later Jenny, " were his only words before he released me. He was smiling, like he thought this whole situation was funny.
His laugh definitely violated the Geneva convention. Fucking cruel and unusual torture.
Yeah, only three months, my fucking ass.
It was going to be a hell of a lot longer than that, and as far as I could see, I was completely, and utterly, screwed.