It might contain triggers for some people. I just needed to get some dark thoughts out of my mind.
Tony Stark walked into his room at the compound. His tie was undone, and his sleeves rolled up. He was holding a glass in one hand and a bottle of hard liquor in the other one.
- "Damn you, Rogers" – He said slurring. He had been drinking for a while already. How dare he apologize with a lame letter – "Coward"-
Ironman wasn't sure what hurt the most. The Avengers betraying him, Steve lying to him or Rhode's accident. The last one was the most painful to be honest
- "Fuck you"- He said at the photo he had on his desk; it had all the team on it. Tony just cursed at the blonde man standing next to him in the photo. He never admitted it at loud to anyone, but he had feelings for Steve. Stark knew the feelings weren't corresponded, but he couldn't help himself.
Tony walked into the restroom and turned on the shower. He stepped in it completely dress holding the bottle next to him. He had given up using the glass to drink.
The water was steaming hot, he needed to feel warmth, comfort…something. His heart was empty, and it hurt. What was the point of being alive? Nothing that he did was enough. He was alone again.
Pepper had called him, but he didn't pick up. It wasn't her who he needed. It was Steve. Tony let the tears roll down his sore face.
Sobbing he took another sip from the bottle which was almost empty. His mind kept replaying he last 24 hours events.
A wave of rage blurred his almost inexistent judgment and Tony punched the glass wall making it break. Thousands of pieces of glass fell around him.
- "Just something else I broke"- he mumbled- "I am a waist of space"
He sat on the shower, too drunk to stand on his feet and finished the bottle. His eyes landed on a sharp piece of glass next to him.
Would physical pain numb the void in his heart? He had read about people doing it and always wondered if it would work for him.
- "What the hell?" -He thought- "nobody will miss me anyways"
A deep cut on his wrist and the shower floor was covered in bright red.
It worked. The sharp pain on his wrist distracted him from his sadness for a while. Then, he became lightheaded. It was difficult to think.
He thought he felt a firm grip applying pressure on his wrist. He closed his eyes when he felt two strong arms pulling him out of the shower.
- "Damn you"- he mumbled. It was just a cheap game his mind was playing. Nobody cared. Nobody would go make sure he was fine. The cut was deep, and he was too drunk to stop the bleeding before it took his life.
Maybe it was better that way.
He was a waste of space.
Tony was sure he saw a pair of blue eyes before losing consciousness.
He didn't want to die, but he couldn't take any more pain.
Tony woke up in pain hours later. His mind was sluggish. Hungover and blood loss weren't a good combination. He looked at his wrist. Someone had given him stiches and wrapped the wound.
He was wearing dry clothes and was lying down on his bed.
-"Was it possible?"- He thought. He remembered seeing blue eyes. Carefully he looked around, afraid of realizing he was alone. He wasn't. Steve was sitting on the floor, resting his back against the bed. Rogers was sleep.
Tony couldn't help it but smile. He wasn't alone. He was there. Maybe it was a trick of his mind, but it felt good.
- "He cared enough to come and check"- Tony though sitting in bed trying to remember what else had happened. He was thirsty and his head and wrist were killing him.
Slowly, Tony stood up trying to don't wake up Steve. He was only able to walk a few steps before he got lightheaded, and his legs gave up. Luckily, Steve caught him and took him back to bed.
- "I was thirsty"- Tony whispered, avoiding his eyes. Steve didn't say anything but went down to the kitchen and brought back water and some painkillers.
- "I figure it hurts"- Steve mumbled avoiding Tony's eyes.
- "Thank you"- Stark said taking the tablets and water Steve offered- "Was it…you?" - Tony asked after a second of silence. Steve just nodded- "Well, I'm fine…you don't have to stay and babysit me. Barnes needs you"- He couldn't help but sound jealous.
Steve looked at him for the first time. His eyes were red and puffy. He had been crying
- "Why did you do it?"- Steve asked. Tony shrunk his shoulders, but didn't answer – "Please, do you know how scare I was when I found you...you were so pale…. i thought I was too late"
- "I'm tired, Rogers" – Tony said angrily – "I'm tired and nobody cares"
- "I care"- Steve whispered – "I thought I would lose you"
- "No need to feel guilty, old man" – Tony said hastily – "I'm okay"
- "It's not that" – Steve said pacing the room and running his hand through his hair. If Tony wasn't so tired, he would've made a joke – "I…. missed you…. that's why I came back"
- "You…. miss me?"- Tony repeated. Steve nodded blushing – "I missed you too" – Tony added very softly
- "I signed, Tony" – Steve said sitting next to him – "I…let me be here for you" – he added whispering and grabbing his cut wrist
- "Why?" – Tony replied looking at him in the eye. He needed to know. If this was just pity, he wouldn't be able to take it.
- "It's not what you think" – Steve guessed his thought – "I neither pity you nor feel guilty. I…. for a while already…. I…. mmm…. don't be mad"
- "Steve…."-Tony whispered anxiously
- "I have feelings for you…."-Steve said blushing even more. Tony smiled and leaned forward to kiss him softly- "You need to rest" – Rogers added when they separated
- "Would you stay?"- Tony asked shyly. Steve nodded and laid next to him on bed. Both fell sleep hugging each other