Special thanks to LionKingAlex

Dramatis Personæ (or in modern English, the cast)

THESEUS, Duke of Athens, played by ALL MIGHT

HIPPOLYTA, Queen of the Amazons, betrothed to Theseus, played by MIDNIGHT

EGEUS, Father to Hermia, played by MR. AIZAWA

HERMIA, daughter to Egeus, in love with Lysander, played by URARAKA

HELENA, in love with Demetrius, played by KYOKA JIRO

LYSANDER, in love with Hermia, played by MIDORIYA

DEMETRIUS, in love with Hermia, played by DENKI KAMINARI

PHILOSTRATE, Master of the Revels to Theseus, played by PRESENT MIC

SCENE: Athens, and a wood not far from it

All is dark, and the chatter in the room grows silent at the sound of a curtain rising. Then the silence is shattered by a deep, booming laugh. The lights go on to show the muscled figure of All Might, clad in a costume of Athenian style; white rob with blue trim, a red sash, and sandals of red leather. He stands in a Grecian, palatial room with his arm around Midnight, gazing out over the audience as from a balcony.

"Hey, everybody, are you readaaaay?!" shouts a booming and slightly shrill voice from just out of the light. Another light flicks on to reveal Present Mic, dressed in a wine-red toga with his arms thrown wide before he dips into an exaggerated and theatrical bow.

"Helloooo, Athens! Philostrate here, heralding the upcoming news of Duke Theseus' wedding to the Amazon queen, Hippolyta! Our royal couple is tying the knot in just four days, so everybody get your party on!"

Midnight leans closer to All Might, all smiles as the light spreads to encompass the whole stage, set as an Athenian palace. She wears a Grecian dress with black trim baring much of her arms and shoulders, while a red tiara adorns her head. "It's hard to believe the day is so close, my dear," she beams.

"Yes, four joyful days bring it in with the new moon," he agrees, his enthusiasm somewhat tempered. "Yet methinks this old moon wanes too slowly, moving like an old woman and delaying our enjoyment."

"The time will pass quicker than you think, Theseus," she assures him. "Four days quickly become four nights, and what's four nights but sleep and a few dreams? Then the moon will glow like a bow in the sky, and our waiting will be over."

"'Tis true, my dear," says All Might, waving to Present Mic. "Go, Philostrate, and spread merriment throughout the city. Let them know the time for celebration is here! I want smiles as big as mine all around among the youths!"br

"Quite a change of pace for a romance that began in the arena!" adds Mic, waving a hand toward All Might and Hippolyta as he faces the audience. "Theseus of Athens won the heart of Hippolyta with his sword, showing his prowess in battle even against the indomitable Amazon!"

"Yes, yes, but we will wed in another tone completely!" laughs All Might. "For we will wed with pomp, with triumph, and with revelry. Now go, my man, and spread my bidding to Athens! Leave melancholy only for funerals in the week of our royal marriage!"

"Hey, hey!" answers Present Mic, tossing off a salute as he exits. "I'll have them partying all four nights, don't you worry!"

The royal pair enjoy a moment alone, until a voice from offstage calls out, "Who goes there!"

"Ah, what's this?" asks All Might, stepping to a nearby window facing as if backstage. He looks out and down. "Ah, my good nobleman Egeus is here, and two young men with his fair daughter! Egeus, come up! I am here to lend you an ear!"

In a few seconds, Mr. Aizawa enters in the role of Egeus, along with Hermia, Lysander, and Demetrius. "Happy be Theseus, our renowned duke," he calls with an almost military bow.

"Ah, my good Egeus, what news have you?" asks All Might. "All well and merry, I trust?"

"Vexing news, I'm afraid," says Aizawa. "Demetrius, my noble lord, step forward. Now, Theseus, this man has my permission to marry my daughter, Hermia. But this Lysander before you-" he waves a hand unpleasantly at Lysander, played by Midoriya, "has enchanted my child with empty poems and love tokens, and now she irrationally denies me the obedience that is my right. With bracelets of his hair, rings, and other trinkets he has filched my daughter's heart and charmed her to defy me. Now I bring the case to you, and if she will not consent to marry Demetrius then I call on the law of Athens, and the right to deal with her as I please."

A grave silence falls over the room.

"'Tis a grim dispute you bring me, Egeus," says All Might, putting a hand to his chin. "None likes to order in matters of young love, but Athens' laws must be served. What do you say, Hermia? Remember, by our laws your father is as a god to you. He made you like a figure of wax, and like a waxen figure he has the right to do with you as he likes. Demetrius is a worthy gentleman."

Hermia, played by Ururaka, speaks up with anxious impetus. "So is Lysander!"

All Might draws back a little at the outburst, then recovers his composure. "So he is in his way," he agrees, nodding, "but he has not your father's consent nor the law on his side, and in that Demetrius is the worthier."

Ururaka looks uneasily to Aizawa, then glances at Midoriya. "I wish he would look at things my way."

"Ah, but you must see things with his judgment," persists All Might.

Midoriya reaches a hand toward Ururaka, then pulls back. She, sensing the gesture, turns to All Might. "I apologize, your Grace, for being so bold and reckless, but what if I refuse to wed Demetrius? What then?"

"Do not forget I hold your life, my daughter," says Aizawa, gazing at her coldly as his eyes turn slightly red. "By Athens' law, I made your life and have the right to end it at my will."

"Egeus speaks truly," says All Might. "If you would not marry as he bids, then you must die the death or else abjure the company of men forever in service to the goddess Diana. Therefore, fair Hermia, question your desires. You are a young woman, full of years and full of life. Can you bear the livery of a nun, shut up chanting hymns in a convent? Will you live your life as a barren sister? It's a blessed soul that can do it, but the rose distilled and preserved is happier and brings longer joy than the one that withers on its virgin thorns."

Ururaka hesitates, then clenches her fists and speaks firmly. "I will grow old and die as a nun before I give myself to a man I don't love, and I don't love Demetrius."

All Might regards her, evidently impressed. "So thou sayest. But give this some time. Consider well, and by the showing of the next moon when Hippolyta and I are wed, prepare on that day to pay the cost of disobeying your father, or to cede to his will and wed Demetrius, or else on Diana's altar to vow austerity and single life."

At this Kaminari, as Demetrius, turns to Ururaka and Midoriya. "The answer's obvious here, you two. I've got her father's approval and all Lysander has is moonstruck fancies. Why let Hermia's beauty go to waste?"

Midoriya has kept silent thus far as if afraid to speak out of turn, but now he points accusingly at Kaminari. He actiates his Quirk, sending arcs of energy coursing over his body. "Her father likes you well enough, Demetrius. Let Hermia have me. Marry him if you want!"

Kaminari starts to crackle with electricity as well, but Aizawa gestures for him to halt. Then he turns to Midoriya and shuts off his Quirk with a disapproving look.

"Watch your tongue, Lysander," says Aizawa. "Yes, he has my favor, and from it I give him what I please that's mine. Hermia is mine, and all my right to her I give to Demetrius."

Midoriya faces Aizawa, everything uncowed except his face, which keeps twitching. He speaks slowly, but with full meaning behind each word. "I'm as good a man as he is. I have as good a house and wealth, I'm as strong, and I love her more than he does. Besides that, she wants me, not him, and what's the rest compared to that?"

"Don't forget about Helena!" adds Ururaka despite Aizawa's glare.

"That's right!" Midoriya agrees. "Nedar's daughter loves Demetrius, and he pledged himself to her last summer! Let him marry her!"

All Might's voice booms out. "Enough of this argument, you all. Now this business of Demterius and fair Helena, I heard something about that. I'd been meaning to talk it over with him, but I got too busy arranging my own wedding and it slipped my mind. Still, there is the law, and that's over even my head." He beckons to Egeus and Demetrius. "Demetrius, come, and come Egeus. I will talk in private with you both. As for fair Hermia, I'm sorry it turns out this way, but you must make up your mind on Demetrius, Death, or Diana."

As he steps away, Midnight catches him by the arm. "Theseus, can we talk first? I have some things to say."

He turns to her, hesitating but then resuming his ever-present grin. "Forgive me, my dear, but I shall not be long. Demetrius, Egeus, we have some business to discuss about the wedding, and matters of concern to both of you."

Aizawa and Kaminari both bow with fists on their chests, and follow. Midnight leaves too, leaving Midoriya and Ururaka alone.

Midoriya turns to Ururaka, now much more nervous. "My love, you've turned… pale. What happened to the roses of your cheeks?"

Ururaka starts to cry. "If it were lack of rain, I could drown them in my tears."

He nods understandingly. "I never did hear of love going smoothly in all stories or history." He starts to ramble. "Either they were too different in blood, or their ages were too far apart, or their friends got in the way, or it was cut short by sickness or accident, and it was over before anyone could say…"

He stops, seeing that Ururaka is sobbing openly into her hands.

"This really isn't helping, is it?"

With much coaxing and cajoling, he manages to calm her down until she can speak coherently.

"If that's how it is for true love," she says, "then it must be some law of destiny. Well, I'll bear it and try to be patient if it's what comes with love, as much as the wishes and tears and dreams. We'll find a way."

He smiles. "You're stronger than this, Hermia, and I was hoping you'd say that. I have a plan. I have an old aunt; a widow with a good house and estate who has no children, and treats me like her own son. She lives seven leagues from Athens; too far for its laws to follow us. Sneak out of your father's house tonight, and meet me in the woods where we met Helena that time in the morning in May. We'll run away and marry at my aunt's house, and no one will bother us again."

She stares at him, her tears fading as hope overtakes her face. Then she lunges and throws her arms around his neck. "My good Lysander! I will meet you, by Cupid's strongest bow and Venus' doves, by every vow man broke or woman gave, I'll meet you where you said!"

Struggling not to break character, he lays his hands in the middle of her back. "Your promise is enough, love." Then he looks up and straightens, trying to wil the tomato-red hue from his face and the shaking our of his body. "Ah, here comes Helena!"

Jiro enters, playing Helena, as Ururaka turns to greet her.

"God speed, fair Helena! What brings you here?"

Jiro looks downcast at the sight of the two of them. "Why do you call me fair? Demetrius loves your beauty, not mine. His eyes follow you like magnets, and he prizes your voice over all birdsong. I wish I could catch your beauty like a sickness; your eyes, your voice, even how you talk! If I could just be you I'd trade the world except for him. How do you please him so?"

Ururaka snorts in annoyance. "I frown upon him, yet he loves me still."

"O that your frowns would teach my smiles such skill!"

"I give him curses, yet he gives me love."

"If only my prayers could such affection move!"

"The more I hate, the more he follows me."

"The more I love, the more he hateth me."

At last Ururaka breaks the rhyming. "It's not my fault if he's a lovestruck dummy!"

Jiro shakes her head. "Only your beauty's fault, and I wish I could be so guilty."

Breaking off her embrace with Midoriya, Ururaka crosses to her and lays a hand on her shoulder. "Well after today you'll be short on competition. I'm leaving Athens with Lysander tonight. I used to think this place was paradise, but now if I can't be with him then it's anything but!"

Jiro looks up only half-believing this, and Midoriya comes over.

"You have to keep this secret," he says in a stage whisper, "but tonight we're sneaking out by moonlight."

"Yes," adds Ururaka. "We're meeting where you and I used to lie and talk in the primrose beds, and then we'll go where no one will try to make us stay apart. I'll be sad to never see you again, but pray for us and good luck with Demetrius – though why you want him is more than I can imagine."

A sound is heard as of someone coming.

"We'd better go, Hermia," says Midoriya, "before someone catches us talking."

She nods. "And we'd better not talk to each other until tomorrow at midnight," she adds wistfully, gazing at him. "Please be there."

"I promise I will," he says, taking her hand with great solemnity. He holds for a moment, then exits the stage. Ururaka looks back to Jiro. "Helena, adieu. I hope Demetrius gets his head on straight and loves you again as you've always loved him."

"I shall, and pray he does," agrees Jiro, and Ururaka leaves.

Jiro wanders along and comes to a hanging depicting Cupid, and starts to look it over thoughtfully.

"They got the god of love down pat, alright. No eyes; love looks with the mind and often turns even someone's worse qualities in their favor. Wings without eyes; a recipe for reckless disaster." Sighing, she adds, "And painted as a child because it so often comes with gullibility. Demetrius, why can't I shake you off? What's Hermia got that I don't? Everyone in Athens would say I'm as beautiful as she is, but as soon as you saw her all your promises melted like snow."

She turns to leave.

"I'll go talk with him. Maybe I can at least get it through his thick skull that if he insists on picking her over me he'll get neither. And if not, he'll be begging for me once she's been gone awhile."

Editor's Note:

Booyah! I am here, with another bizarre mix of writing! I'll keep the commentary short on this for now, but after Balto's Treasure Island I've been wanting to do more classic mash-ups. So when the UA School Festival mentioned a play by class B, I just had to mix My Hero Aca up with my favorite bit of Shakespeare!

Since I stand for justice – especially for heroes – I couldn't just have the champions of all things righteous just reading lines no one would understand, so I put their personalities into the original plot. Probably the biggest change was Present Mic/Philostrate, who we see here as his usual show-stealing fourth-wall tampering self where the original Philostrate had hardly any lines to speak of. Here's hoping all that effort makes the play as much fun for you first-timers as it's always been for yours truly!

In any case, thank you all for reading and I hope to show more soon, when we see some between-scenes antics off and on the stage. In the meantime, as All Might would say, "I am here to lend you an ear! Why don't you tell me all the juicy details? I'm so curious!" In other words, leave your comments down below – and if you'd like to go beyond with your reading, check out the original or look up my other crossed classics, Night Plague: The Beast Awakens (Dracula in the world of Zootopia) and Balto's Treasure Island (pretty obvious, that one).

Plus Ultra, everyone!