Notes:
So, it's been 3 months since my last update... I'm really sorry. I had a lot of things to do and I just didn't feel like writing.
Here's a new chapter that maybe will make you forgive me(?).
-Flora
Alina woke up again in the warmth of Aleksander's arms.
It was so comfortable, familiar, and relaxing. She couldn't think of a place she ever felt better in. Her mind felt like it was wrapped up in a blanket.
"Alina, I know I'm comfortable but don't turn me into your pillow unless you want me to trap you in this bed for the rest of the day..."
Alina suddenly opened her eyes, surprised by his statement. Surprised he answered her thoughts, surprised she wasn't in a dream as she thought she was. Her eyes were still heavy with sleep.
Her thoughts had no boundaries in the morning she had to reign them.
When she shut her mind, memories came back to it and all at once she remembered the night before. Her heart ached again and she shut her eyes close.
She took a deep breath and snuggled closer to him smiling a little, "do I have to wake up?"
"No, we can stay here a little longer. Yesterday I made sure I had nothing to do in the early morning," he whispered in her ear.
"You can go back to sleep..."
Good. She just wanted to stay in bed and forget about her best friend and the rest of the world.
She yawned and nodded contently, rubbing her cheek on his shoulder, his voice was so calming and yet arousing in the morning...
Then she opened her eyes wide.
(yeah, I got you here, you thought smut, I'm sure you thought it, yet, here it is the worst conversation ever)
"Actually," she said after gulping "I wanted to continue the conversation we started having yesterday."
"Now?"
Alina lifted herself off Aleksander's chest and bracing herself with her right arm, she stood on her side beside him.
"Yes, it seems better now, with you trapped in my bed and no excuse to run away," she tried to ease the situation but her smile was forced.
Aleksander put his arms crossed behind his head.
"And why would I want to run away?" He asked amused, but also a little unsettled.
"It depends on your answer and your sincerity."
He nodded but quirked his eyes.
"So... what's the question?"
Alina took a deep breath, her free hand was on his chest, her mind was open and tended to his, trying to pick up every thought of his.
"How old are you?"
He wanted to seem confident at that moment but a sense of angst got to him, and he felt his bones freeze.
Genya had been right, he thought, now she wouldn't believe him anymore, she would go away and leave him there, alone, again.
No, no he wouldn't let this happen.
"Why such question now? Did some rumours get to you?"
"Well, I heard of the Darkling since I was a child, the Black General... and I know Grisha, and powerful ones, live a long life, so the question came to me naturally when I was thinking of you, Aleksander..."
"I am older than I look... a lot, Alina." He grimaced.
"I gathered."
Aleksander moved near her, trying to take every small expression she could make.
"How old do you think I am, Alina?"
Alina took her time to answer.
"Old enough to be in fairytales, legends, the black man in children's nightmares..." she said under her breath.
Alexander's eyes widened but he didn't take his gaze off of her.
She knew.
She knew.
How was it possible?
Could it be his mother...
No. No, she wouldn't jeopardize him like that.
She knew and she was asking him to tell her. Why hadn't she fled? Why was she still in bed with him, her little hand on his bare chest? Was she not afraid of him? She had to know he wouldn't hurt her but knowing he was the black heretic... How was he so fortunate to have her still here?
"Alina... why are you still holding onto me while saying that?" he said trying to draw her closer. It could have been the last time.
What if she still wanted to go away from him after they talked?
"This question has been in my mind for some days, also when you kissed me in the gardens..."
She kissed him knowing he was the black heretic? Knowing he was hundreds of years old?
"Would you let me kiss you again now?"
"No, no I wouldn't, not now... Now it's time for questioning."
She moved and got up on the bed, her back to him.
Aleksander didn't know what to think of that.
Did she move to go away from him, for she was frightened by him, or did she move because she wanted to talk and being near him was distracting?
She said 'not now'. Did it mean from now on or not in this moment but maybe later? Saints, he was a goner.
"I know who you are, Aleksander," she said still not facing him.
He got up from the bed and circled it to be in front of her.
"Who am I?"
She was still sitting on the bed and he was standing before her.
"You're the Black Heretic." She said looking at her feet.
He didn't respond.
Alina rose her gaze to him. "Do you deny?"
"No."
Alina's jaw tightened. Tightened her teeth.
"Then, you did some pretty bad things according to Ravkan history."
"Yes."
He didn't know how to respond if not with monosyllabic.
"What is truth? What is a lie? I think everyone has to have a reason to do certain things. Otherwise, you're just mad and I have a thing for a madman."
His eyes enlarged and he got on one knee in front of her.
"Explain it to me, I want to understand," she said looking down again.
"Alina, it wasn't something premeditated, it just happened..."
They both knew he was talking about the fold.
"What do you mean, that it could just happen to me too? To create an enormous amount of physical light?"
"No, no of course I don't mean that..." he gulped, he seemed shocked "I didn't want to create the fold, I wanted to protect myself and defeat my enemies at the same time. I was too greedy, I didn't think of the possibilities and consequences..."
He didn't know if touching her would cause her to retract, his fists clenched tightly.
"I can't say I was young and reckless, because I wasn't. I was just desperate."
"Let me see it," she said pleadingly.
Let me see it through your memory.
For a moment nothing happened, they just kept looking at each other, then he willingly opened his mind to her and she delved into it observing, scrutinizing and analyzing again that moment.
He let her see Luda, her death, and what came after: his mother's disapproving look, him chased down to that final temple and the magic he did and the death of everyone near him. Finally the fold.
Not magic, she thought to herself, Merezost.
"My greed and the difficult situation I was in got out of my hands, and in an instant, it was there. And even if I didn't want it that way... I'm not going to apologize for what I did."
"I-I didn't expect you to... what's done is done."
Silence fell between them.
How he wanted to touch her, to feel her skin under his fingertips, how he wanted to feel her.
Alina had started the conversation knowing she wasn't going to let this slide, she was going to say that she would think about it and go away but... now that was there she had so much to ask.
"How- how could you create a thing so... How can a man create such a mighty thing as the Fold?"
The question seemed normal, if not for her tone: interested, scared but also greedy of knowledge.
He sensed it and something lit up in his eyes.
She was like him, she wanted to know, wanted to understand and to have that power. She felt the same urge he had towards power but she only started to know she could have it all a while ago. She wasn't prepared yet, her light wasn't strong enough but with time she would have been the most powerful being existing, only him being his equal.
He wanted her to have it all, no mother to hide secrets and legacies from her. His knowledge would have been at her complete disposal if she wanted it.
Having settled this in his mind he said: "Merezost," contemplating her, trying to catch every emotion that her face could visibly betray.
"Merezost..." she said in a trembling voice and thinking of his thoughts.
She wasn't attracted to power the way he thought. She wasn't.
Was she?
The mare though put fear in her body.
Men with power always ended up doing hideous things without thinking of the consequences on commoners. He already did something monstrous... if she had the kind of power he wanted her to have... was she going to become a monster? A selfish being?
But this Merezost...
Even the name sounds sinister...
"No Alina, Merezost is not something sinister, Merezost is like our powers, good if we use them for good, bad if we use them for bad deeds. Merezost gives more but it has a price."
"It doesn't seem right..."
"Because you have to give something? I think it's fairer than Little Science. How can we have this power, the power to create fire, light, wind, to bend things without giving anything back?"
Alina did not know what to say. She was overwhelmed by her newfound inner chaos. Power, greed, guilt were swirling inside her in a vortex that started to make her feel queasy.
"I would like you to go now, I want to stay alone and...think."
"Alina. Alina." His hands took hers and brought them to his lips. "I would give you the time of the world to think, just don't flee from here, please," he paused "I wouldn't... I couldn't bear it."
He was really pleading with her. She understood the need he felt to have her near him, it was the same for her. She just couldn't understand how easily he gave in to it.
"Ok."
Then they watched each other for some time, he was still a little lower than her, being on his knee.
In a second their lips were attached.
It was like she knew she would love him in the future, so why resist it? Why resist him? Why resist fate? She had already lost so much, why throw away the possibility to be complete?
He thought it could be the last, it wasn't as if he could completely believe her not to flee. So he kissed her passionately even when she didn't try to bring him closer as she usually did. She just stood there, her limbs unmoving, replying to the kiss enough to not only be the receiving end, but it was too much at that moment.
When they broke apart she looked away and sniffed with her nose.
"Please go now."
Notes:
Alina seems to have decided to stay, Aleksander is really a desperate lovesick puppy and in the next or next few chapters, things will get real bumpy.
-Flora