Burns Like Fire on the Rushing Sea
First: A little quote from the exquisite mystic poet Rumi to set the mood:
"I want a trouble-maker for a lover, blood spiller, blood drinker, a heart of flame, who quarrels with the sky and fights with fate, who burns like fire on the rushing sea."
- Jalal ad-Din Muhammad Rumi
Second: This is probably going to be a lemony little thing full of smut. Not much plot. Not too many chapters (hopefully?). We're picking up on the night after the Ember Island Players. The plan is for it to lean towards sweet and tender, with maybe a good bit of teenage awkwardness too. But sex will be had…I just need them to get to it naturally (is that the right word?). I just don't want it to seem forced or contrived. My goal as a writer is mostly to buck misogynistic tropes that I find offensive or disempowering for women. I would love feedback on this! Anything common plot points that really annoy you, especially in terms of women and romance, let me know and I'll see if I can subvert it.
Third: I have some reservations about Katara's presumed age and writing this, so I'm just going to pretend she's older than she seems in the show. I'll let you all decide whatever age you're comfortable with.
Fourth: I do ever so much love comments! I'm especially interested in feedback about the quality of the writing, but mostly how I represent female characters and their agency in a story—especially regarding romance and sex. This is a bit of an obsession of mine, and a component of my Masters Thesis was about how women's sexuality as it's so often portrayed in media is harmful, so are there story elements or character moments that are working for you? Or not? Let me know! Do I write men well? Everything I write about them is pure invention as I have no brother, boyfriend, best friend to reference. Just let me know if something isn't working/ isn't believable. A million thank yous in advance.
Also, I'm old and don't know how internet fandoms work. I pretty much only come here when I'm gripped by a story so powerfully I can't not write about it…am I doing tags right? Do I need to share this on tumblr? Somewhere else? What is Zutara week? Or Month? I'm brand new to this fandom. How does it work? Please tell me! I put a lot of effort in getting my stories "right", so I hope they reach others who are looking for a better ending, or at least more moments, for characters they love.
Alright, well, even if I don't get the whole sharing thing right, here the story is, I'm so happy for those of you who've found it, and I hope you enjoy 😊
Katara is surprised when she hears laughing as she walks down the long hall of the Royal Family's beach house on Ember Island. It must be close to midnight, and she thought everyone was asleep, but she can hear Sokka's deep belly laughs echo over Suki's soft giggles rolling down the corridor.
The soft light of fire pours through the doorframe, dancing with the night's velvety shadows, and Katara is surprised to see Zuko is also sitting with them when she enters the room.
"What are you doing?" She asks plainly, but it comes out like an accusation.
They look at her like criminals, their faces guilty, all of them, with the possible exception of Zuko, used to thinking of her as the "mom". Sokka has a bottle of rice liquor he tries to hide from her by setting it on the floor, but he's already drunk too much to be smooth and it falls over with a loud clank.
"What are you doing up?" He challenges her with big-brother authority.
"Couldn't sleep," she tells directly. She stands with one arm crossed in front of her, holding herself small and tight, still standing in the shadows, apart from the group. Zuko is the only one to notice she seems upset. "What's that?" she says, eyeing the bottle that he'd failed to hide.
"What?" Sokka acts like he has no idea what she's talking about. But he's drunker than he realizes and slurs his words slightly as she tries to kick the bottle away.
Suki covers her mouth as she dissolves into a fit of giggles, unable to contain herself, and Zuko just smirks, ever so slightly as he picks the bottle up and hands it to Katara.
She walks slowly to the group and inspects it. It's a beautiful brown bottle with fancy embellishments beveled into its rim and a label she's never seen before.
"So you guys are drunk?"
"No," Sokka says, drawing the word out with a long sing-song exaggeration that reveals the truth.
Katara arches her eyebrow and shoots him a skeptical glance. Suki continues to giggle while Zuko sits up confidently and shrugs. He's not going to deny it.
Katara doesn't want to be excluded. She uncorks the bottle and brings it to her lips.
"Hey, Katara, hold on a second," Sokka says, reaching out to her. He tries to get up, but his feet don't cooperate, so he sits down and tries to straighten up. "That stuff's not for kids."
"I'm not a kid," she tells him with an icy glare.
Sokka considers it for a moment. "Okay, yeah, you're right. Come join the grownups." He pats the seat next to him.
Katara walks over to it and sits down. She brings the bottle to her lips and the heavy fumes wrinkle her nose. It smells awful and she can't imagine it tasting good. But she's already decided to join them. She doesn't want them to think of her as "one of the kids," like Aang.
She shakes his name from her mind with an annoyed huff and takes a big gulp of the liquid.
It stings and burns her throat, and she coughs horribly as she swallows it.
Sokka laughs at her, and Suki lets out a small chuckle. Zuko just gives her a knowing look and nods respectfully. He remembers his first time, and she's doing well.
"How do you guys drink this stuff?" she says, still choking on its taste. She feels like she wants to scrub her tongue clean. But she can only think about it for a few moments before something warm and whirring starts to grow in her stomach. She thinks briefly that she might throw up, but the moment passes, and she begins to like the sensation that spreads across her body.
Sokka reaches out to grab the bottle from her, but she's already brought it to her lips and takes another big gulp.
The group watches her, impressed. She tosses this one back expertly. No grimace or groan.
"Easy, little sister," Sokka says, and with a focused effort, he snatches the bottle from her hands. "You gotta be careful with this stuff."
"Why?" she asks, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.
Everyone just chuckles. Sokka takes another big gulp and passes it to Suki, she just shakes her head and waves her hands in front of her to pass. She knows she's had enough. So Sokka passes it to Zuko.
Zuko grabs the bottle and stares at it momentarily. "This is some of the best liquor in the Fire Nation," he tells her as he takes a steady, measured swig. The liquid doesn't seem to have much of an effect on him.
"The Fire Lord is at least good for one thing," Sokka laughs, taking the bottle back and drinking again, "his liquor cabinet is full!"
"This stuff is probably from my uncle," Zuko admits, "my father isn't much of a drinker."
"Really?" Katara doesn't know why this surprises her.
Sokka tries to pass the bottle back to Zuko but she intercepts it. Sokka's eyes hold hers for a second, but he relents.
"Okay, but seriously, just be careful with this stuff. It's potent."
"I can see that," she tells her brother, even though she doesn't really understand. She takes another big gulp.
Zuko is impressed but he doesn't envy that morning she'll have if she keeps this up.
"So what are you guys talking about?" She asks.
"Actually, it's a good thing you're here, baby sis," Sokka tells her with a sloppy gesture, "we were just trying to figure out what the funniest part of the play was…"
Zuko throws his head back and groans. He doesn't want to continue this conversation. Suki buries her face again in her hands, giggles over taking her.
Katara notices this and wonders if she keeps drinking whether she'll feel that happy.
"Wait, what's that? I think it's your honor!" Suki sloppily quotes the play through snorts and giggles, pointing randomly in one direction. "I'm sorry," she covers her mouth again, "that was just…so…funny!"
Sokka chuckles too, but Zuko just groans. "It's not that funny, guys…"
But their laugher says otherwise.
"Funniest moment of the play, right?"
Katara finally lets a laugh loose as she reaches for the bottle again. "I don't know…"
"Oh, come on," her brother goads her.
She takes another drink and begins to relax, a genuine smile crossing her face.
"It's either that or Lady Aang," Sokka spurts through another laugh.
Katara's brows knit. Not only by how much this troubled her friend but what it caused him to do. Her memory floats back to the scene on the balcony. She hears him again ask her how she feels.
"Aang, I'm sorry, but right now, I'm just a little confused," she'd told him.
And then he'd kissed her. She'd stepped back, shocked.
"I just said I was confused!" she'd admonished him.
"That upset him," she tells her friends, her voice dropping to a more serious tone.
Sokka just laughs it off, but Zuko notices the change.
She takes another long drink and coughs slightly as she passes the bottle to Zuko.
"He'll get over it," Sokka laughs some more. "Yip yip!" he laughs, pointing one hand up and hooking his other at his hip, the way the actress had done in the play. "Oh, spirits….that was good!"
"Hey," Katara says with a frown, "that really bothered him…"
The group shifts a bit uncomfortably, as if acknowledging the problem. Sokka lets out a big sigh and hangs his head and Zuko gives a little nod. They both understand why it bothered Aang.
Suki is oblivious though and continues on.
"Yip yip!" Suki almost chokes on her laughter, "I'm sorry," she says, seeing Katara's reproachful glare, "it was just funny. So funny…"
"Alright," Sokka says, taking one last swig from the bottle before handing it back to Zuko, "let me get this lady to bed."
"What? No, we're having fun," she protests.
"Come on, Suki," Sokka says, trying to sound serious, "let's get you to bed."
"Are you coming with me?"
"Yes," he tells her, helping her stand.
"Are we going to keep having fun?" She gives him a playful wink and pushes her body against him, pressing him with sloppy kisses.
"Suki, come on, my little sister is right there…" Sokka tells her as he leads her out of the room.
"So?" Suki says, giggling.
Zuko and Katara listen to her laugher dissolve down the hall.
"Suki!" Sokka's surprised voice rings out loud, "Can you wait till we…get to the…" His words fade away.
Zuko smiles softly to himself and takes another drink. He knows exactly what's going on.
Katara does too, but she gives no reaction, but she reaches out for the bottle again.
Zuko considers for a moment.
"I'm not a kid," she says sharply.
Zuko straightens, surprised she's said this again. "I know," he tells her, passing the bottle back.
Katara takes another big swig.
"I've never thought of you as one," he tells her, keenly aware this is bothering her on some level.
"Then why wasn't invited to this…" she sloppily points around the room, "whatever this is?"
Zuko lets out another little laugh. He's still holding himself like he's sober, his proper royal posture in place, but he's looser and more relaxed than he normally is. "You weren't purposefully excluded," he tells her. "Sokka just asked me if there was any think to drink once we got here and…"
Katara does knows that Zuko and Sokka had bonded more since coming back from Boiling Rock.
"…I showed him to the liquor stores."
"Do you guys do this every night?"
"No," Zuko says plainly, "Sometimes they're…off together."
Katara just nods at this, understanding. Aang's words flood back to her again.
"I thought we'd be together…"
She unconsciously rubs her lips, wanting to wipe away his unwelcome touch. She shudders, not certain why she's so bothered, and brings the bottle to her lips again to take another sip before handing it back to Zuko. He holds it, not drinking as he carefully watches her.
"So why couldn't you sleep?" he finally asks, trying to find the best way in.
"Hunh?" she's pulled out of her memory.
"Why couldn't you sleep?" Zuko repeats as he stretches himself out some, sitting more comfortably.
"Oh, I don't know," she says with a small shrug. But she again shudders and crosses her arms tightly around her chest, like she trying to hold herself together.
"Something bothering you?" he asks, noticing her movements.
"No," she says softly, looking up at him with her big, blue eyes.
Zuko can't pretend like they don't affect him, pull him in ways he wishes they didn't. And right now, he can't deny that he doesn't see sadness shining in them. He wonders if he should just let her be, but he can't stop himself from trying to help. Maybe it's the alcohol, he thinks to himself.
"Was it something in the play? I know parts of it were rough but—"
"No, I'm not upset because of the play—"
"But you are upset then?" He leans forward, setting his elbows on his knees, getting a little closer to her.
A small smile tugs at her lips and she scowls at him, knowing he's gotten the truth out of her. Seeing no way around it, she relents. "Okay, yes, I'm upset." She reaches out for the bottle again.
He gives it to her and asks seriously, "and not about the play?"
"No, not what happened in the play."
The way her voice inflects on the word "in" catches him. He knows it means something but he's not going to make her tell her if she doesn't want to. The sit in silence for a few awkward moments, but, he thinks it might be the alcohol, he can't stop himself from asking when she's sitting across from him looking so sad.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
Katara lets out a deep sigh. Her head is beginning to swim, and she realizes why her brother cautioned her about drinking.
"Why isn't this stuff effecting you?" She asks Zuko, almost indignantly.
"It is," he tells her with a soft smile.
"It doesn't look like it."
"Well, I've had more practice."
"How much practice?"
Zuko sighs and lets out a little laugh. "I spent three years on a boat with sailors…"
Katara just stares at him, with her big beautiful blinking eyes. He realizes she might need more explanation.
"…Sailors drink a lot."
"So you like drinking?" she asks, genuinely curious. She's not sure how she feels about it. The initial warm flush that filled her body is beginning to fade and her brain has a slight but sharp ache. She wonders if that means she should drink more or less.
"I don't know if I'd say that," Zuko admits. "But it can be a good way to…" He thinks about the time he's spent with Sokka and Suki over the past few nights, and even back to some of the nights on his boats with the sailors, "…have fun, I guess?" Fun isn't a word he often has occasion to use, but it feels right.
Katara just nods, considering this. She's not sure she can accurately say she's enjoying herself right now. In fact, the more she thinks about it, she thinks she might be sick. She needs to make her mind think of something else.
Her hands again go to her lips, trying to rub away Aang's kiss. What felt like confusion before now feels like anger. How could he? She thinks to herself, but the anger she feels towards him quickly turns in on herself. She knows she has to talk to him about it, and she's worried about how that conversation will go. If he makes her give him an answer now, it'll be no, and how will that affect him? And their plans to stop the Fire Lord? But is it wrong of her to tell him I don't know and make him wait? Especially since she doesn't know if her feelings will change?
Maybe it's the thoughts that are making her sick and not the alcohol. She reaches for the bottle and takes another draught.
Zuko takes it from her and sets it behind him this time. He knows it's not his place to tell her what to do, but he really doesn't think she should have too much more or else she'll be sick.
They sit in silence for several moments, each starting at each other, hoping they aren't being as awkward as they feel.
Zuko considers several different things to say to try and break the silence, try and help her with whatever problem she's currently wrestling with, when Katara suddenly asks him:
"Have you ever had a girlfriend?"
Of all the possibly conversations Zuko was working through, this was not one of them.
"Um, yeah, a few," he says, not sure why. A few is too generous an answer, but he's embarrassed to admit how inexperienced he is, especially after spending so much time with Sokka and Suki recently. He has definitely embellished his experience when they've asked him. Zuko again blames the alcohol, and his heart begins hammering hard, wondering why she's asked him.
He tries to push down his feelings and deny the attraction he feels for her, something he's been struggling to do pretty much since he joined them. He doesn't want her brother to notice. Even though Sokka has proven himself to be an immeasurably reasonable guy, he's still not sure how that conversation would go. And there's also Aang. He knows the young Avatar has strong feelings for her, not able to hide his feelings the way Zuko hopes he is doing. He's seen the way Aang watches her, how he talks about her. He hardly talked about anything other than Katara on their ride to the find the Sun Warriors or when they practice firebending.
Zuko hopes he's never been that obvious.
And he knows Katara clearly has feelings for him too, remembering how she even just now defended him at her brother's and Suki's jokes about the actress playing him. He can see why she'd be upset at the emasculation of her boyfriend.
Boyfriend? He thinks, pinching his nose as he hides his face in his hand, not sure if that is the right word, if that's what he should be thinking about.
Katara stares at him intently even though the alcohol has made her unfocused. Zuko honestly can't read her right now, and he's not sure what she's getting at.
"So, if your girlfriend didn't want to be with you, you'd want her to tell you right?"
Zuko looks up at her, his mouth slightly agape. He wasn't expecting the question either, and he consciously tries to get a better control of himself.
"I like how you're assuming my girlfriends wouldn't want to date me…" This comes out more harshly than he means it too, but he's been feeling a growing insecurity about it, with all the time he's spent with Sokka and Suki recently, and his belief Katara and Aang are together in some capacity.
Katara giggles blithely, not understanding the insult.
"You know that's not what I mean…"
"What do you mean then?" He tries to get to the point.
"Come on, Zuko, you're a prince—"
"A banished prince—" he says, a scarred prince, he thinks.
Even though the alcohol's effecting her, Katara senses she's hit a nerve.
"I just mean you're intimidating, you're strong, handsome, and an actual good guy, like really—"
Zuko is surprised to hear Katara say all this. He knows she's being honest even though he's not quite sure he believes her.
Even though he feels some anger growing inside, fed on his own insecurity, he knows, her initial question returns to him. "You'd want her to tell you, right?"
Zuko is troubled she's asking him this.
"Katara, what are you trying to ask me?" He looks at her directly as she asks.
Katara blinks and looks away, a tear falling down her face. She wipes it away and returns to him, a big smile on her face. "Where'd that bottle go?" She tries to make her voice sound playful and light. But all Zuko hears is the sadness in it, the struggle.
"What's wrong, Katara?"
Zuko doesn't hand it to her, and he doesn't let her avoid the question again.
Katara lets out a frustrated sigh. Why can't you be the one who keeps trying to kiss me? She thinks to herself, she almost says it out loud.
"Oh my god, please tell me I didn't say that out loud," she says, burying her face in her palms.
Zuko smiles softly at her embarrassment. He thinks it's cute. "You didn't," he reassures her, wanting to know what she's thinking.
"Thank god," she says, "maybe I need water and not another drink."
Zuko gets up, a bit more wobbly than he anticipated, but he steadies himself by grabbing the back of a chair and gets a cup of water for each of them.
"Oh, I could have bended…" she says as soon as she realizes what he's done. But she smiles up at him, thankful, not certain where exactly the water would go if she tried to control it right now.
She takes a deep drink and then lets out another heavy sigh. Her eyes meet his, still watching her with such concern. She finds herself wishing Aang paid this much attention to her.
Then he'd know…she thinks to herself, but she knows it's not Aang's job to figure her out. She needs to do that herself and talk to him directly.
"I just need to figure out what I have to do about Aang," she finally tells Zuko, hoping this answers his many questions.
Zuko arches his one eyebrow, again surprised to hear this. "Oh…" He isn't sure if he means for it to be a question.
"…Yeah, he really wants to be in a relationship with me," she feels good to finally admit it, "and I just don't know what to tell him. There's so much more important stuff going on…"
Zuko arches his eyebrow again. Part of him really wants to tell her if she doesn't like it, maybe that's the answer she's looking for, but he doesn't know if that's true, if it'd be acting in his own selfish interest.
Katara knows she doesn't want to hurt Aang's feelings, and she tells herself that means she does care for him. She knows this to be true. But she shudders as she keeps talking.
"…But he keeps kissing me at like the worst moments, and," she takes another deep breath, "I just need to figure it out and talk to him…"
She looks up at Zuko and smiles. This smile is real. Maybe the alcohol is finally working, she thinks, recalling Suki's earlier jubilation. She hopes she isn't being as sloppy as her friend though. She doesn't want to embarrass herself in front of Zuko, who still seems so poised and in control to her.
"Sounds like you do," Zuko tells her, hoping it's the right thing to say.
"Yeah," she says with a deep breath. And then she laughs, "I think I'm drunk, is this what drunk is?"
Zuko smiles back at her and nods. She is definitely drunk, "Yeah, I think so."
Katara suddenly becomes very self-conscious as she feels her eyes on him, and she knows she's going to make a fool of herself if she stays much longer.
"Alright, I need to go to bed then." As she gets up, she nearly falls.
Zuko jumps to her aid and steadies her.
"What happened to my feet?" she says, genuinely confused.
"Come on, I'll help you," he tells her, holding her arm and trying to suppress his laughter; he finds this incredibly adorable.
Zuko holds on to her arm and places his other hand on the small of her back, hoping it steadies her. Even though his fingers itch to touch more of her skin, he doesn't let them wander. As they make their way through the halls of the house, they can hear Sokka and Suki's lovemaking, louder tonight than normal.
"Someone needs to check on Momo," she says, for reasons Zuko doesn't understand.
"I'll check on him, I promise," he tells her, knowing full well that noise has nothing to do with Momo.
She looks up at him, her eyes full of concern as they reach her door. "Promise?"
"Yeah," Zuko chuckles, "I promise."
"Good, because he's having a nightmare…."
Tears nearly spill from Zuko's eyes as he struggles to contain his laughter. He can't remember the last time he found something so funny, but he manages to compose himself, just barely.
"That, or he's having sex!"
And Zuko looses it. For the first time in perhaps his whole life, he can't stop himself from laughing. He puts his fist over his mouth, trying to contain himself.
"Did he find a lady lemur?" Katara asks him, looking around as if she expects to see something. "What?" She finally says, meeting Zuko's eyes, not understanding why he's laughing.
"Nothing," he tells her, reaching around her to open her bedroom door. "We're here."
"Oh, right," she says, realizing they're at her bedroom. "Thanks, Zuko. I had a good time…with you tonight," she adds, as if she needed to clarify.
"Me too," he says seriously, trying to keep his lips from breaking into a huge smile.
Katara turns to go inside but stops herself.
"Hey, Zuko," she says, suddenly sounding more focused and alert than before. "I'm going to ask you something…"
"Okay," he says, again not sure where she's going with this.
"And you can say no, you are totally allowed to do that, just to be clear, but you can't make fun of me for it, okay?"
"Yeah," Zuko says, standing straight and at attention, trying to look serious.
Katara clutches the door frame and looks up at him, her blue eyes sparkling with light and her cheeks flushed red.
"Will you kiss me?"
Zuko thinks he might be imagining this at first, and his heart hammers as he tries to suppress his feelings. His brain is telling him no, not like this, not after you've both been drinking…
Even if it hadn't been for the alcohol, there was no way he could deny her in that moment, her big eyes looking up at him, her soft lips parted, and her hair tucked behind her ear just so.
Zuko doesn't know he's made a decision, but he leans in and kisses her.
Her hot lips meet his and she leans into his body, grabbing his arms as one of his hands finds the small of her back again, and they hold on to each other, their lips locked, hearts hammering fast as blood rushes through their bodies.
"So that's what it's supposed to feel like?" She asks, touching her lips as they come apart. This time, she's trying to hold on to the warmth of it, not wipe it away.
"Um, yeah, I guess so," Zuko says, trying to ignore the alcohol he knows is coursing through him and wishing he had more control in the moment.
"Thanks, Zuko," Katara tells him, her eyes still shining bright.
He just nods and watches her go into her room and softly shut her door, trying to make sense of the moment and wondering how much he'll regret it tomorrow.
A/N: And that's chapter one! Turned out to be way longer than I thought, and way less smutty. Oops. I know I said I wanted to subvert problematic tropes, so I have some reservations about the alcohol drinking in here, but this is kind of just how the story unfolded to me, and I do feel like alcohol is – however unfortunately – a common factor in teenage romance, so I tried to portray the characters in a way that is realistic and respectful. I hope no one has a problem with it. I definitely wanted Katara to have her own agency here, even if she was avoiding her problem by drinking, Zuko didn't magically solve it for her, she had to figure it out for herself, so hopefully that was nice.
Anyway, I hope you guys liked it! More will be posted soon, but until then, go read some more of Rumi's poetry, because isn't it gorgeous? That line immediately came to mine I first started thinking about Katara and Zuko. Thanks again for reading and giving any feedback!