(Never) Alone Redux

A Rebuild of EvangelionStory

By Rollinaround

Episode 1

Famously...

The wheels on the train screeched like a banshee as it sped through the darkness. Rusty shards of metal fell from the ceiling and crumbled to dust against the floor. The windows were in pieces, leaving it's passengers no protection against the bitter cold. In the past, this vehicle had been a fine example of Japanese transportation. Now, a derelict, held together by the last vestiges of Shinji's mind as it carried him on an endless road to nowhere.

It was pitch black. Before, the dim light of sunset had illuminated the train. But even that had vanished. The car sped through an empty void, through without even a slither of light. But the Third Child was not alone. Blinded as he was, he could still feel some... presence, in there with him.

"Why do you cling to that thing?"

Shinji, clenched the SDAT Player in his hands. The voice was familiar. It was Kaworu Nagisa. But something was wrong. Kaworu's voice was warm, gentle. It gave Shinji comfort, even when all seemed hopeless. Now, it was cold and emotionless, like that... other pilot.

"It's a simple tape player, easily bought at any store, given to you by a man you despise. And yet, you cling to it as if it were your child."

The boy gave him no answer. He just curled up in a ball. His casettes had been his escape; a ladder he could use to climb out whenever he felt himself sink into the pit of despair. But this was more than music could cure. It didn't even sound like music anymore, more a chaotic jumble. Cries of pain, the roar of an EVA, Asuka screaming at him. All it did was make him feel worse, but he couldn't bring himself to let go.

The silver haired boy spoke again. "You're afraid, aren't you?" he asked, "You're afraid of loss." His voice remained cold and stoic, but with touch of judgement added to the mix. "You cling to that box because it's all you have left."

"What's wrong with that?" Shinji whispered, retreating further into himself. "What's wrong with wanting to hold onto my friends?" Memories raced through his head: hanging out with his friends at school, dinner with Asuka and Misato, that picnic at the marine research facility; little moments that made him happy, now knives in his heart.

"You might have kept them," The albino boy said, "If you'd listened to them, or even tried to understand. But you didn't. You ignored your friend, and in doing so, you've doomed them."

"I was just trying to make things right." Shinji said, defensively. "I just wanted to help."

"No." Said Kaworu, "You wanted to be forgiven. You wanted to go back to how things used to be. You wanted to run away."

Shinji said nothing.

"You're a coward, Shinji Ikari." The phantom whispered. "You're too weak to accept reality. You'd rather run from it, pretend that nothing has changed, forget your mistakes instead of confront them."

Shinji's fingers dug into his leg. "Shut up..."

"That's why you pulled out the spears." The ghost continued, "That's why you wouldn't listen when I begged you to stop."

"I said shut up."

"All you care about is your own happiness. And for that, you murdered me."

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" Shinji yelled, hurling the SDAT player at Kaworu. "What the hell do you know!? You're not even real! Just leave me alone! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!"

His wish was granted. Kaworu's presence was gone. The howling wind echoed through the carriage, the only sound in this empty world. Shinji had never felt more alone.

"Kaworu?" he whispered, "C- come back!" He scrambled about the place, feeling around for any sign of his late friend. But all he found was the broken remains of his casette player. "Kaworu please!" he begged, the tears welling up in his eyes. "I'm sorry! Please, don't leave me..."

He sat in the darkness, trying to repair his SDAT player. It was no good. His last memento of the past was now nothing but scrap. Shinji's pit of despair had become a black hole.

"Pathetic..."

Shinji jumped back as the voice echoed in the darkness. Someone was in there with him. Someone Shinji didn't recognise. Yet, there was something familiar about this presence. "Who- who are you?"

The presence began to grow in size, emitting a faint light as it stepped towards the Third Child.

"No!" Shinji said, turning to run, "Get away from me!"

The entity continued to grow, stretching the train car around it. The light grew stronger until it was almost blinding, and finally Shinji saw the shape of the intruder: A huge, glowing humanoid. The train began to collapse around them, and the last thing Shinji saw was the creatures grinning, skull-like face.

The Ayanami Type watched in confusion as the Third Child slept. She'd never seen something like this before. For her, sleep came easily. Just a blink of an eye, and it was over. This was something different, something she didn't understand. The boy was trembling, tossing about as his face contorted in fear. "What's happening to him?"

Asuka was nearby, rolling up their sheets and stuffing them into small tube containers. "He's having a nightmare." She said.

"A nightmare?"

"A bad dream." Asuka explained. "You've had dreams, right?"

The pale girl shook her head. She'd lived a short life, with few wants, and little to no emotion. To her, fear was an alien concept. But as she watched the boy toss and turn in his sleep, she felt like she had a vague sense of what fear was. "He looks like he's in pain."

The redhead sighed in frustration. She seemed to be angry all the time, for reasons the clone couldn't quite understand. She knelt in over the boy, grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking him awake.

"No!" The boy screamed, shoving her off him. "No, get away! Please, don't hurt me!" He writhed around in a rabid panic, his eyes as wide as saucers.

Asuka growled as she got back to her feet. She didn't have time for this. "Snap out of it, you idiot!" She yelled, pulling him onto his feet. He tried to pull himself away, but Asuka held him tightly. "Shinji!" She said, as the teen thrashed about. "SHINJI!"

The boy froze, standing there in a state of shock. His breathing began to stabilise again. It was as if a little light had come on in his head. He stared at the girl, letting reality set in. He saw the bruise on her cheek, given to her by a wild, panicked swing. He hung his head in shame. "I'm sorry..." He whispered.

Asuka took a deep breath. "We don't have time for shit like this." She said, "If we have to spend every waking moment dealing with your drama, NERV is going to catch us. Do you want that?"

No answer.

Asuka gritted her teeth. "Whatever." She said, coldly. "Right now it doesn't matter what you want. What matters is we get out of this hellhole alive. I don't care what it takes, I am NOT gonna let NERV get their hands on you again!" She let go of the boy, and he fell on his ass with a thud. "You can either walk back to the Wunder with us, or I can drag you there. It's your choice."

Shinji curled into a ball, as if that could somehow hide him from all his problems.

"Fine." Asuka huffed, "Hard way it is." She grabbed him by the wrist, wrenching him back up and dragging him into an unknown future.

They were maybe halfway out of Tokyo-3 by the time night had fallen. The crumbling skyscrapers had given way to smaller shops and houses. Even amongst the blood-red ruins of a long dead city, remnants of their past still remained, preserved in core material. These crimson memories filled Asuka with a sense of nostalgia, but not in a good way. It was the kind of feeling you get from staring at a picture of a bitter divorcee, or a treasured momento, broken beyond repair. Memories that once brought her comfort, now brought nothing but pain.

Asuka gazed at her comm device. "No signal..." She grumbled. "Looks like we'll have to get way out of town before we can call for help." She checked the time. Nearly midnight. "Let's make camp here." She said, leading them into one of the less decrepit buildings. "We'll need to rest up for tomorrow."

The building was an Izakaya: a local pub that Misato visited regularly, back in the day. Asuka checked the kitchen first. Rarely did they get the chance to scavenge the ruins of Tokyo-3, and a decent meal was just what she needed right now. No such luck. A few canned ingredients littered the shelves, but they had all turned to core, much like the rest of the city. The Second Child groaned in disappointment. "Let's try and find a basement." She said, "We need to stay out of sight."

There was a small basement downstairs, mainly used to store cleaning supplies. There was barely enough room for all of them, the floor was hard and cold and the bloody stink of LCL hung over them. "Not exactly five-star accommodations." The other two said nothing. Asuka might as well have been alone, for all the good they did. Shinji was practically an empty shell now, and as for the clone, she was barely even self aware.

The redhead emptied the basement out, and brought some chairs in from above. At least now, the three could bear to sleep down here. Asuka took a set out a foil parcel from her pack, and set it atop a small, portable stove. The minutes ticked by at a snail's pace as the parcel expanded. Asuka checked the clock on her comm device. "Ok." She said, "That'll do, I guess."

She pulled the package open, and a bland aroma wafted through the basement. Their dinner for the night was a large bag of nutrient paste, curry flavoured. Well, in theory it was curry flavoured. In practice it tasted as close to curry as curry did to gyoza. The only reason it had any flavour was to remind people of a better time, before he messed everything up. Still, it was warm, and filling, and that was enough.

Asuka ate first, shuddering as she swallowed the dull mush. "I can't believe I miss MREs." She said, "I'll be glad when we're back on the Wunder, and we can get some real food." She passed it to the Ayanami Type. "Here."

The clone sniffed at the contents. She had little concept of food, living entirely off nutrient pills, but even she found their dinner pretty unappetizing.

"Eat it quickly." Said Asuka, "It'll only get worse once it's cold."

The blue-haired girl dipped her spoon into the pack, taking a few reluctant mouthfuls until she felt full. Then she passed it to Shinji.

"You can have the rest." Asuka told the boy, "We've got enough food for six days, if we limit our meals. We should reach civilisation by then."

Shinji didn't even take it. He just sat in his chair, staring at the floor.

"Listen," Asuka hissed, barely containing her anger, "You aren't the only one in this room. When we get back in the air, you can sit and mope till the end of time, for all I care. But some of us are trying to survive right now, and I am not gonna let you get us killed because you were too malnourished to walk. Now eat your dinner, before I make you."

Shinji ate his food. It was better than being yelled at, again.

They sat there in silence for a while, the dim flame of the stove being the only lit in that dark pit. It was almost like the early days of Third Impact, when the remaining Lilin had fled underground, in fear of this mad new reality.

Asuka stared at the Third Child, the boy who'd changed her life, for better, and for worse. There was so much she wanted to say to him, but that would only lead to more shouting, and she was too tired for that. "Best get some sleep." She said, stretching herself out, "We've still got a long ways to go, and it'll only get longer, if we're running on empty." She handed the others their blankets, and turned out the light.

The Ayanami Type fell asleep almost immediately. Asuka nearly envied her. The clone had very little in the way of emotion, and so, few things troubled her. It wasn't so easy for the rest of them. The chairs were uncomfortable, and the room was cold. They had to leave the stove off, or they might be found. But that wasn't the only thing keeping Asuka awake.

In the corner of the room sat Shinji Ikari. His back was turned to them. She quickly figured out why. The boy was sniffling, holding himself tight in a desperate attempt to comfort himself. Asuka tried to ignore it. For all the trouble he'd caused, she couldn't judge him for crying.

It would be easy to tell him that he'd done nothing wrong, and everything would be fine. But she couldnt do that. Because everything wouldn't be fine, and lying would only make things worse.

No matter how much it hurt him, Shinji would have to accept the truth. It was the only way he could hope to survive in this world.

The world that he'd destroyed.

Shinji awoke with a start, sometime late at night. It was difficult to tell the time down here, but he knew morning was still far away. He'd been pulled from his nightmares by a mysterious noise. An otherworldly howl echoed above him. It wasn't a wolf; it was far too deep for that. It almost sounded like a whale only, strained, like an animal in pain.

The howl came again, louder this time, and fear gripped his heart. Was it an Eva, a signal from a rescue squad, some kind of monster? He couldn't tell. "Asuka..." He whispered, shaking the girl by her shoulder. "Asuka, wake up!"

The girl woke with a start. "Wh- what?" She moaned, only getting grumpier when she realised who had disturbed her.

"There's something out there." The boy said, pointing up at the trap door. "Listen."

Asuka rolled her eyes. She wasn't the boys mommy, and she wasn't in the mood to deal with his every little problem. There was no natural life out there, and noone came to Tokyo-3, unless they were truly desperate. She was just about to go back to sleep, when they heard the noise again, louder, closer.

"Oh scheisse..." Asuka said, her body starting to tremble.

"What is it?" Shinji asked, before he felt Asuka's hand clasp over his mouth.

"Quiet!" The girl hissed, "Or you'll get us killed. Just, do what I do."

She woke up the clone, silently, and hid the pair under the empty shelves. Asuka stayed out in the open, drawing a knife from her pack, steeling herself for the worst case scenario.

Shinji heard footsteps up above. Whatever it was, it was in the building down. The boy covered his ears as an eerie light slipped through the cracks, and the deafening cry echoed above.

The creature was right on them.

Shinji closed his eyes, and prayed for Asuka's safety as the trapdoor creaked open.

つづく

A/N: Kept you waiting, didn't I?

I originally posted this story on a different acount, as a two-part fic called Evangelion: (Never) Alone. Sadly, after an incident involving a broken phone and a forgotten email password, I ended up getting locked out of my account, and any attempts to recover it ended it failure.

But I didn't want to leave the story unfinished, So I decided to take advantage of a bad situation and rewrite (Never) Alone, fixing some of the issues with the original along the way. To those who read the original, welcome back. And for those new to the story, I hope you enjoy it.

See you all again soon.

-Rollinaround