Blaine felt like he was drowning.
He felt like the air around him was getting heavier and heavier and the walls were closing in. He looked around at the hallway outside Madam Tibideaux's office and saw the concerned faces of several NYADA students but he didn't care. He just needed to get out of there.
He needed some fresh air.
He blinked a few times and loosened his bow tie before he grabbed his satchel and walked shakily away from her office.
He wasn't sure if his legs would carry him out of the building but he would have to try.
He knew he had to calm himself down if he wanted to stop a panic attack from starting but he couldn't stop seeing Madam Tibideaux's face and thinking about what she said.
"I'm sorry Mr. Anderson but you can no longer attend NYADA. You have failed too many classes and there is nothing you can do for extra credit this time."
As the memory faded, he closed his eyes and leaned on the wall outside the building. A million thoughts flooded his head.
It was over.
His career, his dreams of being on Broadway, his future goals, his aspirations everything.
It was just gone
He blinked back a few tears and rubbed his eyes. There was nothing he could do this time
It was really over.
He took a slow deep breath and tried to concentrate on the sidewalk in front of him. It was busy but he knew the roads like the back of his hand and he was sure that once he started walking, he would be home in no time. All he wanted to do was get to his bed, curl up under the covers and never wake up.
He tried to push thoughts of his uncertain future out of his head and just focus on the subway, and the crosswalks but it was no use. He just couldn't stop thinking of ways he could have prevented this. He had worked so hard all throughout high school to be the perfect student. He got into his dream school and he felt so lucky to be given this opportunity.
How had he screwed it up so badly?
Why didn't he spend more time studying?
Why didn't he prioritise his NYADA classes and homework?
He wished he had a better answer for all of these questions but the only thing he could think of was Kurt. Kurt was the reason he couldn't concentrate and he was the reason he failed.
As soon as Blaine thought that, he shook his head and sighed.
"No. That wasn't true," he thought.
He was the one that was heartbroken and he was the one who spent the last few months crying. He wished he could blame Kurt and the break-up for his lack of motivation but the truth was, it was all his fault. His fault that he was too emotional and that he couldn't do anything right. It was his fault that Kurt broke up with him, and his fault for being too needy and eager to plan the wedding. His eyes teared up as he thought of Kurt and the wedding but he immediately wiped them away and blinked back the tears.
NO
He wasn't going to cry over Kurt again.
He had lost too much from crying over Kurt the first time and he needed to stop. He promised himself that he wouldn't cry over him but he kept breaking that promise.
It was just so DAMN hard. Everything at NYADA, his house, New York; it all reminded him of the one person he tried to forget.
It was impossible.
Thinking of Kurt was overwhelming. It was all-consuming and he couldn't stop thinking about him even if his life, and his future depended on it.
And it did.
Kurt represented so much happiness for him and so much pain at the same time.
While all these thoughts were swarming his mind, he wasn't paying much attention to what was happening around him.
He didn't notice that the people around him were not moving to cross the street as they usually would, and he didn't notice the stop signs that were placed in the middle of the sidewalk.
He didn't hear the beeping car horn and screams from onlookers as he stepped on the busy, snow filled, street.
He didn't hear the screeching and skidding of the car that had lost control on the icy road and was barreling towards him.
He didn't hear the lady behind him screaming "Kid, look out!" and he didn't see the flashing car lights ahead.
All he could focus on were his thoughts and memories of Kurt and his blurry, tear-filled eyes didn't see the road in front of him until it was too late.
When he finally looked to his left, his hazel eyes went wide with shock and he briefly saw the car slam into his left side before his vision went black.
He saw parts of what was happening from slamming into the hood of the car, to colliding with the windshield and briefly catching a glimpse of the road before he was thrown off of the car. Everything was blurry until he landed on the ground and blacked out again.
A few seconds later he cracked one eye open, and saw a swarm of onlookers as well as some blood in his peripheral vision. The last thing he felt before passing out completely was a blinding pain at his side, and a terrible headache.
One of the onlookers called 911 and the ambulance came in record time to transport him to the hospital. He was bruised, battered and barely breathing but he was alive.
For now.