Chapter 21
"Enter."
Koguma opened the door to the hokage's office and stepped inside. The room was dipped in a warm orange light, the sunset perfectly captured in the large glassed wall behind the desk. Hashirama's figure sat shadowed because of it, his brother an ever constant ghost at his side. He tried reading the atmosphere of the room, wanting to gauge with how much he would get away with today and deemed him going down on his knees unnecessary. Instead he clasped his hands behind his back and watched the sun lower ever so slowly behind the distant trees.
"We need you to go on a tracking mission. One of ours has left with some sensitive information. Find him and take care of it." It took a moment, but as soon as Hashirama spoke Koguma's eyes locked onto the man, gaze searching. His nostrils flared as he took in a deep breath and let it out through his mouth.
"Yes," he replied, eyes narrowing for a moment as he stepped forward to accept the mission scroll from the man.
"It is ranked as S because of the nature of the scrolls taken. It is of importance you bring them back to us in one piece." An earthy smell was drenching the room whenever Hashirama spoke up, smelling like rotten leaves, like mouldy bark, like freshly dug forest ground-
He stayed standing close to the desk and cocked his head as he tried to take a look through the shadows at Hashirama's face. "Yes."
"Dismissed."
Koguma didn't move. "Permission to take Hatake Kama with me, hokage-sama."
"He was sent on a mission with a squad early this evening." Beady eyes flickered over the still form of the albino. "It's a solo mission," Hashirama added.
"Yes." Koguma dipped his head so shallowly it couldn't even be confused for a nod, not to mention a bow. He stepped backwards to the door as he always did in this office, but hesitated for a moment as he grabbed onto the handle. His gaze was scrutinizing as he looked at Hashirama- his body was dipped in a halo from the sun lowering behind his back, but now he could finally begin to make out his features- dull hair, slightly pale skin stretching like parchment, hollowing cheeks-
"Is there a problem Hatake-san?" the albino spoke up. His arms were crossed in front of his chest and head slightly dipped down as his fluttering eyes tried to lock on him.
Koguma considered his answer, as if weighing if he should speak up at all. "You reek of death."
The room stilled and even the silent shadows in the roofbeams halted their breaths. "Be quiet," Tobirama demanded, pushing himself off the wall and taking a closer step towards Koguma.
"How long until the sharks smell the blood in the water?" Koguma continued addressing the man behind the desk. "They'll lose their fear once they see that even gods die."
Hashirama shifted for the first time in his spot and turned his chair around so that he faced the setting sun. "You're the first one daring to say it out loud. Even the medics keep trying to phrase it with flowery words."
"How will you insure the safety of the village?"
"Tobirama will follow me as nidaime hokage." Koguma's head snapped over to the albino staring on in disbelieve over Hashirama's dismissal of the blatant disrespect. "He'll keep Konoha safe."
Koguma let out a mocking scoff. "Only fear has kept us safe." Then he pushed down the doorhandle and stepped out of the room.
Koguma had to resist slamming the door shut behind him. Once outside the room, he lifted his hands and rubbed at his face, a deep growl working its way up his throat. The guards beside him stiffened in their position, but he ignored them and while tugging the scroll into his pouch, made his way to the compound to get ready for the mission.
Danzo's proclamation from three years ago about war being ineffable were ringing through his ears as he walked through the streets. Gradually, Konoha was slowing down in its ever constant buzz- merchants were closing down their stalls at the market, while young women and men were busy sweeping the steps of their restaurants and bars. The last housewives made their rounds across town to fulfil their daily chores and the some genin teams beginning to look rather bleary eyed trudged behind their jounin-sensei. He greeted Gengaku and his little band of tired looking students with a short nod as he turned onto the street leading towards the Hatake compound.
Just in time, he managed to halt in his tracks as little feet tapped on the paved road. Stretched-out arms met his own embrace as he knelt down.
"Ojichan!" two little voices squealed as he lifted both girls up and sat them on his arms. Without much prompting, he rubbed cheeks with the first child, who giggled in delight, before obeying the sloppy pats against his face and repeated the ritual with the other.
"What are you doing here, cubs?" he asked them, a pleased smile spreading onto his lips which showed off his fangs. Two pairs of curious slaty eyes hushed down to the sharp canines and a moment later both tried to imitate the movement. It looked ridiculously cute on their faces, especially since their baby teeth were still round and soft.
Thick silver hair wiped into his face as the girl on the left turned to face the compound two streets down, stating "Kaasan. We ran."
"We smelled you," the other girl added, patting his cheek once more.
He dropped his head back in mock hurt, whining, "Are you saying I stink, Tensai-chan?"
"No!" she giggled, her stubby hands pressing down on his chest and neck to stretch away.
Koguma turned to face the other girl, while continuing in his little play. "Did you hear, Omugi-chan? Your sister says I stink!"
The first girl grinned and snuggled up to him. She pressed her face into the crook of his neck and took a deep whiff that almost tickled against his skin. "You smell good."
"Well, that's a relief," he sighed and resumed walking towards the compound.
Tensai, apparently not wanting to be left out of the loop, nuzzled his neck as well. "You don't stink," she proclaimed in a very serious tone. It only widened the smile on his face. "We just smelled you."
"You have a very good sense of smell then." He cradled both girls closer to him, to make their weird stretching position against his neck a bit more comfortable. "Just like your tousan."
"Better!" Omugi mumbled against his skin.
"Better," Koguma agreed easily.
Once the compound came in sight, he also finally spotted their mother they had ran away from. She looked unfazed, certainly used to the twins escaping her sight ever since they had learned to walk and instead strolled up to him with her baby son strapped in front of her chest. "Here you are, pups," she chided softly.
"We smelled him!" Tensai proclaimed as a way of explanation, lifting herself up from her position while trying to keep her balance against his neck.
"I'm sure you did, dear."
Koguma gave both girls a little squeeze, before crouching down to let them off again. Tensai agreed easily, which left him with at least one free arm to gently pry of Omugi from his neck. She whined rather miserably and clenched on tighter, but hearing his soft growl made her let go.
Really, Hatake cubs were so easy to handle once you knew all the tricks.
He patted both girls on their heads, enjoying the feel of the soft mops of hair and then raised himself up again. "Going to the market, Nari-san?"
"Yes." She reached out with her hands to her girls, which they grabbed onto without much protest. "We're going to make miso-soup for dinner."
"Sounds good."
She didn't meet his gaze, never did, but at least they had found some sort of agreement through her children. "Will you be joining us tonight?"
He shook his head, his gaze flickering down to the little silver tuft peeking out of the scarf wrapped in front of her chest. "No. I'll be leaving for a mission in a bit."
"We'll leave something to you, for later." She looked down to her daughters. "Say goodbye to your ojisan."
Both girls waved enthusiastically with their free hands and chimed loudly, "Bye ojichan."
"Bye cubs," he replied with a little wave himself and then continued onwards to the compound. The smell of ozone, winter's pelt and warm granite still clung to his cheeks as he left the village ten minutes later.
His target was good. It was hard getting to lock down on his scent, especially since he had chosen to make his way through rivers and meadows. The first one had washed away any smells, forcing him to try and find other clues left by his presence, like footprints, turned over stones lying blank amidst those covered in moss or snapped branches. The latter had his nose clogging up with the pollen from the weeds blooming on it. Yet he had to admit that it had been a while since he had such a challenging hunt as this.
It took him half a week until he got a clear grip on his scent again somewhere down the Land of Grass, just outside a little town. The weeds surrounding it stood as high as a grown man, and although Koguma could still look over it with his unusual height, the eerie silence inside, followed by light rustling from smaller animals, left him feeling paranoid. Instead of the scent leading towards the village, it made a sharp left turn at one point. Upon closer inspection, he noticed that some of the stalks were bent and broken, surely from the man haven walked through it. Koguma followed as silently as possible.
He kept his head peeking out of the grass, rather certain on not wanting to waste his one advantage here. Sometimes something would rustle and make the stalks sway in the distance, but seeing how small the movements were, he wrote them off as animals fluttering along.
Suddenly, the scent wavering over to him was sharp and fresh, so very different from the stale one he had just been following. With a roar his target jumped at him from the right, most certainly having circled back to use the moment of surprise to gain the upper hand. He and Koguma rolled across the ground, making a kunai dig into his left shoulder just inches away from the artery. He used his momentum, kicked the man off him with his feet and finishing his barrel-roll stood back upright. He didn't draw his kodachi, since the long blade would cut down some of the thick long stalks on his way and only worsen visibility. Instead he too pulled out a kunai and leapt for the man still busy trying to get on his feet.
Steel clashed on steel, but Koguma's massive form was working at an advantage and made his target stumble back. Relentlessly he came at him again, grass breaking and crunching underneath their movements and after a few swipes, he managed to get a slice along the man's abdomen. It wasn't deep enough to make his guts spill out, but it would make his moves clumsier with pain and blood loss.
Seeing his hands shoot up as if to form seals, he hastily jumped at him again to prevent him from doing so. If the man were to use a fire jutsu, the whole field would turn into one scorching inferno. Not really something he was looking forward to. Steel clashed together again, before he managed disarming the man. A quick cut across his throat had him tumbling backwards as he clutched against the gushing wound. He died with choking gurgles caught in his airpipes.
Koguma stilled a moment to catch his breath. Putting away his kunai, he knelt down beside the man, searched his pockets for the parchments that he had to return to Konoha and sealed them away in a scroll. Then he padded the man down for anything else that might need to be returned to Konoha, found his headband, which was stamped with a shinobi's identification number, should one ever be too mutilated to be identified by sight and stuffed it too into his pouch. With the last scroll he sealed the body away.
He looked around him and took in the trampled grass, the splatters and pools of blood drenching the dark and heavy soil. The wound on his shoulder was bleeding sluggishly and stretching his neck he saw that it wasn't too far off from the nasty scar he had kept from Yasashiko's administrations. It wasn't too deep to have to worry about blood loss, so he decided to rather leave the area first and then set up a makeshift camp to take care of it.
After getting up on slightly shaky knees, he made his way back out of the meadow and headed east towards Konoha.
Already half an hour later the trembling in his limbs had only worsened and he felt a slight light-headedness creeping up on him. Koguma wasn't a fool and most certainly not someone who would be in denial of wounds received, realizing soon enough that the man must have smeared something on his kunai to make him feel like this. If anything, his target had been the fool for using a slow reacting poison instead of a fast one. Really, what had he been thinking? That he would be able to stand a chance against Koguma for over half an hour? What an idiot.
Abandoning all thoughts of setting up camp, he instead tried to quicken his pace. At this point arriving in Konoha as fast as possible was his only option. He didn't know much about poisons, that had been Risu's speciality after all and he knew even less on how to nullify them. To stop and try to slow down his heartbeat to prevent it from spreading faster wouldn't really work out for him.
And maybe he would have managed at least getting across the border to the Land of Fire, if four figures had not stepped into his path.
"Now, you weren't planning on taking the scrolls with you?" the first man purred. "After all, we had paid Edoto such a hefty sum to get it."
Koguma drew his kodachi with shaky fingers, having a hard time to stop swaying in his position. He forwent pride for the slightly longer reach his weapon brought him, instead of worrying about how it shook in the air.
"Ah, don't worry, sweety," a woman standing next to him hummed. "Edoto was an avid opponent of violence and death. 'Tis but a poison meant to incapacitate you."
His beady eyes snapped from one figure to the next, some relief flooding through him. It would have been the irony of his life to die of poisoning when he had had Risu nagging him for so long to at least bother to learn the basics.
"But seeing that you're here, we can maybe get what we wanted. You see, the scrolls were only part of the deal. Edoto had promised to tell us so much more." The first man took a step towards him, an anticipating smirk spreading on his thin lips. "Now you'll have to do."
Koguma was the first one to spur into action, the other four following suit a second later.
At least he can say he cut down one of them before the woman managed trapping him in an earth-jutsu.
He swallowed hard past the blood pooling in his mouth, only vaguely able to see his surroundings through his swollen eyes. A draft was chilling him to his bones and somewhere, something was dripping down in a steady rhythm on the hard stone. If it was his own blood or water, he couldn't tell. But at least he started to feel in charge of his body again.
A hand grabbed harshly onto his hair, almost tearing it out as his head got pulled up from its lolling movement.
"Tell us how to unseal the scroll."
The ghost of a smile tugged at Koguma's mouth. If he ever came back to Konoha, he would buy Danzo a whole year's worth of chakra ink and parchment. Giving him a scroll that only reacted to his chakra had been a perfect birthday gift.
"Mitzuke-dono will be displeased if we can't bring him the information," the third man whispered behind their backs, his voice sounding rather anxious.
Stars danced before his eyes as the first man crashed the back of his head against the stone wall once more. He groaned in pain and something warm ran down the back of his neck and into his tattered collar.
"We'll get him to talk. We've got nothing but time," a sultry woman's voice purred next to his ear. Her hands ghosted over his exposed chest, down over the cuts she had given him earlier on his stomach and to the hem of his pants. Even though he knew that that was what she wanted, he still tensed underneath her touch, discomfort practically seeping out of him. The ropes binding his wrists groaned underneath his straining and he clenched his teeth to keep from growling. A nasty chuckle stirred the hair next to his ear as she gave his upper thigh a harsh clap- it almost made him jump out of his skin.
How ironic to have his own words thrown back at him in the same mines he had once made that man pay- what had been his name? He couldn't remember. But the girl- something with flowers. "You seem loyal enough to die for your village, but are you loyal enough to suffer for it?"
A choked chuckled made his way up his throat. Blood dripped down his lips as he mumbled, "Bold of you to assume my loyalty."
The bruising grip left his hair and a moment later bone broke with a loud crack as the man stepped down on his leg with a chakra induced stomp. Koguma's miserable hiss turned into an exhausted moan, before abruptly cutting off. Once again his head lolled on their shoulders as bloody spit drooled down from his mouth.
"Is he out?" The woman asked in a cold voice. She reached down, grabbed his fingers to bend them backwards and her face neared his to check for any sign of consciousness. Her breath almost ghosted his lips, so he used the one chance he would ever get and buried his sharp teeth into her exposed neck. She shrieked in a wet gurgle and broke his fingers in her grip, but he ignored the pain and instead tore out the tense tendons and muscles, practically ripping her throat out. Blood pooled in his mouth as he spat the flesh to the side while the man grabbed onto her and tried to stop the bleeding.
Koguma took the moment of distraction and kicked against the man's knee. It buckled underneath the force and when the man sacked together, he found himself in Koguma's bound embrace. His neck snapped underneath his grip while Koguma held eyes with the last of his captors.
With a snarl he leapt for the man, before he could draw weapons or cast any jutsu and managed to make him fall over by snatching onto his legs. They rolled across the cold rocks, Koguma clawing at his face and his opponent trying his hardest to use his wounds against him. Both hissed and snarled as Koguma pressed his thumbs into the man's eyes, while he had started pressing his finger into the wound on his shoulder. Stars danced in his vision as he awkwardly grabbed with both his hands around the man's head. With force he pulled it up and smacked it back down again, making his twisted fingers groan with each move, until the skull broke with a satisfying crunch.
The mine had echoed and roared with the sounds of shouts and fighting, but now deep silence settled over it once more, only Koguma's erratic panting giving sign of any life.
He didn't pause and immediately pulled out a kunai from his last victim, slightly slashing his skin as he cut the tight ropes holding his wrists. Then he proceeded to rob over to the other side of the hallway to break one of the wooden crates. He strapped two slightly clunky wooden planks against his broken shin, using strips of clothing from his captors to hold it in place. Then he robbed back to the bodies and emptied their pockets- scrolls upon scrolls met him, not only those he had brought with him, but also some others marked by a sigil he didn't recognize. Once he found his now empty pouch, he stuffed it all inside and strapped it to his lower back once more.
Beady eyes searched the hallway, before he spotted the dark scabbard of his uncle's kodachi leaning against the coarse stone. He raised himself up against the wall and strapped it back against his side. Turning around his axis he searched for his shirt and finally spotted it bundled up onto the floor. He reached down and achingly pulled it over him. The bandages on his arms, legs and hands hung in tatters, so he wrapped them off, hissing when he reached the broken fingers on his right hand. Sucking in deep breaths he bend them right one after the other with a snap. Stars danced in front of him, forcing him to lean against the cold stone of the cave. Nausea won the fight eventually, so he retched and heaved, until there was nothing more to come up. He wiped the his mouth with the back of his hand and wrapped his broken fingers tightly with the bandages he could still salvage. Then he tugged against one of the poles supporting the ceiling and tore it out. Pebbles and dust shortly rained down on him, but he wasn't too worried the mine would crash down.
Leaning onto the pole like a crutch, he hobbled in the direction where he could smell the faintest hint of fresh instead of stale air coming from. The bodies he left lying as they were.
Bright noon sun was stinging in his eyes and making him shortly stumble with dizziness as he arrived outside. He turned back to the entrance, weaved the seals Madara had taught him and shot a blazing stream of fire down the dark tunnel. Only then did the mine start to rumble as the support-beams burned up into ashes. The inferno roared as it made its way through the narrow passages and with a deep shift, the mines collapsed upon themselves.
No one would find their bodies now.
It must have been quite the sight greeting Kama as he stormed into the hospital room- Koguma was standing beside the window, his arms raised as if ready to strike, while obviously favouring his right leg over his left. Blood, grime and dirt still clung to his skin and clothe,s and the fingers on his right hand stood out rather crooked underneath the torn bandages-
"Koguma, just let them get a look-"
"I said don't touch me," he snarled at the pale-haired man standing before him.
Susumu raised his hands in surrender and took a careful step towards Koguma. "They need to take your shirt off to look at your wounds."
"No."
Another step towards him. "Don't be ridiculous Koguma, come on. You never were this shy before-" He tried to joke, but a hint of helpless anger upon the wounds he could see was tainting his voice. The next step brought him in Koguma's reach, which made the man actually growl at Susumu. His eyes snapped over every medic in the room, shortly staying stuck to Ite, his nostrils flaring, before finally he spotted him too. For a moment there was such pure relief in his gaze that it made Kama's heart ache.
"Out," the Hatake snapped at the medics and a team of chunin that had surely found him and brought him in. For a moment no one moved, so he bared his canines at them, almost growling, "I said out."
The chunin were actually the first to move, causing some of the medics to go along. It seemed that no one wanted to disobey the command of a jounin. Or maybe that of an Hatake. Before Ite could slip out as well, Kama grabbed onto his arm and held him back. "You stay."
Once certain that the man was going nowhere, he turned to Koguma, who was still keeping his back to the wall and muscles tensed. "Kogu, sit down." He tried sounding as steady and calm as possible. Koguma's beady eyes flickered once again to Susumu, who only lifted his hands higher underneath his suspicious gaze, before he hobbled to the bed. His gait was unsteady and crooked and only very slowly, as if waiting for anyone to jump at him, sat down on the sheets. Their stark white colour was almost mocking his bloody and dirty figure.
Kama held out his palms for him to see, until he gradually, but steadily walked up to Koguma. Once standing before him, he lifted one of his hands, giving him the chance to watch him do it, until he put it against his cheek. Koguma visibly slouched underneath the touch, even turning his face into the palm to bury his nose in it.
"You're okay, Kogu," he sighed, his own muscles relaxing. Kama steeled himself to not grow soft on him. "Listen." Koguma's eyes snapped back to his, slight apprehension lining them. "Ite will take a look at your wounds-" he stiffened underneath his words once more, his eyes flittering back to the Shiranui keeping to the back. "-and he will only look at the wounds." Now he turned to the medic, his slaty eyes relentless as they stared at him. "He will see nothing else, will you, Ite-san?"
The man was apparently clever enough to understand what he was trying to say, as he immediately nodded and added with a genuine earnest. "Nothing else."
"Good," he turned back to Koguma and slightly brushed his thumb against his cheek. "Now take off your shirt, so he can take a look at it." Koguma hesitated for a moment, but gave him a curt nod.
Kama had stepped away to give him some space and very slowly, his face wincing with the movement, he pulled the turtle-neck over his back.
Susumu audibly sucked in his breath and even Kama had to harshly clench his jaw to not comment on the sight- there were bruises all over his body, ranging from deep purple to greenish-yellow and some scabbed over cuts were littering his stomach, accompanied by a deep and slightly oozing stab wound at his shoulder. The scar Kama had taken care of years ago, which trailed from his lower right ribs up to his throat was pinkish and uneven. But what all three men truly stared at were the other old scars adorning his skin- the one next to the bloody stab was deep and rough as if a piece of flesh had been torn away, some looked distinctly like kunai-imprints, as if having tried to burn the wounds underneath them out, while others showed the perfect shape of deep teeth buried into flesh. There had to be six of them on his torso alone- how many more had to be on his back or legs?
"Shit, Kogu," Susumu breathed. Koguma's head was dipping down and his left fist clenched into the sheets as he heard his brother's pained words. "How long?" Luckily the man refrained from asking where he received them from.
"Years." Susumu's face crumpled underneath the rough admission, surely hating himself for never having known. Hell, Kama had known there had to be scars, but he himself had never realised what they had to be-
"Go on." Koguma's gruff voice cut through the silence. "Take care of the wounds."
Kama had almost forgotten that Ite was still in the room and startled as the man stepped forward, his face professionally blank. "Of course." The medic was steady in his treatment and clearly kept his hands in Koguma's sight and only to the wounds. As he moved to heal the cuts on his stomach as well, Koguma tensed and almost flinched back. His simple bark of 'no' was enough for Ite to instead turn his attention to his fingers. Two had to be rebroken to truly straighten them and the sound of it was making Kama nauseous. If Susumu's pale face was anything to go by, so was he.
"Koguma-san, I need to take a look at your leg-"
"Cut off the fabric."
Ite dipped his head in silent agreement and turned to Susumu expectantly. The man took a kunai out of his pouch and walked up to Koguma. Once crouching down before him, he very gently cut through the leg of his left trouser. Even on his scarred shin a deep red bite mark could be seen and Susumu's fingers ghosted across the nasty mark.
Koguma must have seen something on his face that Kama couldn't, because he muttered, "Now you can finally claim to be the handsome brother."
"I always did." The man's voice sounded pressed.
"But now it's true."
A wet chuckle made Susumu's back hitch. "I'm sorry, Kogu."
"Whatever for?"
"Not being there." That was a loaded statement- did he mean when he had received the burns, when he had gotten the bite marks, or on the mission he had just returned from?
"Don't be."
"You would."
A deep sigh. "I guess I would."
Susumu put down his leg again and got up from his crouch to let Ite put it into a firm splint. He sniffled once, wiping his nose with the back of his shirt- It made Kama almost feel something like empathy for the man.
Once all finished up, Ite stretched his surely stiff back from leaning over the whole time, until stating "I'll get some fresh set of clothes. I would advise washing up, so I'll get some warm water too." Koguma nodded and watched the Shiranui leave the room. Then his eyes snapped to Susumu and Kama who remained standing, his eyebrows raising up. "Leave?" he ventured.
"No." Kama and Susumu shared a surprised look upon their synchronized refusal. After a moment it turned into a similar sneer, surely both of them certain the other should leave instead.
"I can wash myself-"
"I doubt it," Susumu spat.
Koguma sent them both an incredulous look and stated decisively, "Out."
"What are you gonna do about it?" Kama crossed his arms and leaned forward, a mocking smirk on his lips. "Can't chug me into the Nara river now."
He turned to Susumu, apparently deeming him the more sensible one between the two of them. "Take him out when you leave."
"I'll gladly get rid of him, Kogu, but I will stay."
"The hell-" He stared at them another moment. "Fine. Whatever. Fine." He tried to sound unbothered, but there was slight- embarrassment? apprehension?- behind his eyes. "Fine."
Susumu watched on in disbelieve at how Koguma turned his head away and leaned away from them. "Are you blushing?" His voice shot up three octaves with every word, eyes blown wide.
"Get out." It was almost unnoticeable, only the slightest touch of pink dusting his tan cheeks, but because of its rarity, it stood out like a bonfire.
"Kami, you are!" His hair bounced up and down as he tried getting a better look at Koguma's face. "Actually blushing! I never-" He had been starting to talk himself in a frenzy, a shit-eating grin spreading on his face, but then he halted. The expression collapsed and his eyes snapped over to Kama. There wasn't even hatred in that look- it was pure and utter betrayal. "You're blushing," he accused now, turning back to watch Koguma. "You're actually blushing."
Koguma seemed to snap underneath the tone, his beady eyes blazing as he met Susumu's gaze head on. "I don't need to listen to this-" he seethed through clenched teeth. "Fucking, kamidamn-" Both Kama and Susumu stepped forward as Koguma rose from his bed, harshly tugging his shirt back on and swaying on his splinted leg. "I told you to leave-" Rage. Koguma was raging, his embarrassment haven turned to anger.
"Kogu-"
"Fuck off!" he roared, shaking off Kama's hand from his shoulder.
Ite entered the room with a fresh set of clothes and a jug of water the same moment Koguma vanished and a crutch appeared where he had stood.
Not once had he looked at Kama.
The pumice stone was scrubbing in harsh movements as he dipped it again and again in water and rubbed it over his already raw and pinkish skin. The blood and grime had washed off a while ago, but still he couldn't stop scrubbing-
Dip. Scrub. Dip.
It was almost as if he were sharpening his swords. Not a spot to be missed. Turn the blade from dull to sharp. From dull to sharp. Dip. Scrub. Dip.
The movement turned more erratic as he tried to reach the whole of his back- he was an agile man, but still there were spots one simply couldn't reach. A frustrated snarl slipped out between his lips and he threw the stone across his garden. It shattered into tiny pieces against the wall and left a dent in the plaster.
For a moment he stared at it, heaving with hard breaths, before he picked up the water bucket and chugged it over his head. Goosebumps crawled over his skin underneath the ice-cold gush and almost made his teeth chatter. The wounds on his abdomen stung, but he simply picked up a towel and dried himself off. Only when he had dressed himself and he took up the bandages to wrap his lower arms and legs, did he halt in his movements. Water dripped down from his hair onto his shoulders as he stared at the burns on his hands.
Hands that had tried reaching out with to Baa as he had looked at him. Hands he had dug a grave with for his uncle while they were still raw and fresh. Hands he had hoped would rot off and give him the mercy of death when he had slept night after night next to his cold and stale grave. Hands that had healed-
Because of a salve a thief had bought for him.
Oh, he had forgiven, but how could he forget?
How could he ever hope to forget with these hands, his hands reminding him every day? Reminding him of being left behind. Of no one coming. Him not coming.
Pack accepting pack. What if only one saw it as such?
Nothing worse than thinking you hadn't been enough.
Nothing worse than giving everything, and it not being enough.
"Kogu-"
"Go away."
A deep sigh met his demand. Instead the man sat down next to him on the boulder. Koguma ignored him and continued staring at his hands lying on his upper thighs.
"It's just-" Koguma didn't react, uncaring of anything he had to say right now. Dipping his fingers into wounds all the time- "Why not Risu?"
"Don't."
"Why not Risu?" Accusing and punching- "He loved you with all he was. And he was a good man. The best."
"Don't say it as if I wouldn't know that," he snapped back, anger flaring up inside of him.
"It's unfair. It's unfair!" A fist smacked down onto the boulder in anger. "More time? Is that it? If he were still alive, would it be him you're blushing for? Or could it simply never have been him?"
Koguma turned to him and grabbed him harshly by the front of his shirt. His white-hair floated as he pulled him closer to his face, growling right at him, "You shut your damn mouth."
"Risu hated him, you know. Hated him. Risu didn't hate anyone. Although I could understand the sentiment. But now I know why he did- because even then he saw, he knew-"
"Be quiet."
Yet Susumu went on undeterred, "It must have felt like an act of pity, you kissing him. An utter lie-" Koguma's fangs were inches away from his face, the low growl in his chest making his hair stand up at the back of his neck. "-something to clear your own conscience. You never, ever deserved him. Never. He was too good for all of us, but he was simply wasted on you."
Koguma stilled, let go of him and flinched away as if slapped.
Tears were stinging in Susumu's eyes as he almost howled, "If we'd never met him- maybe he would have had a short, but happy life. Maybe a wife with kids. Maybe another man that would have loved him just as much, or even more than he did. He would have deserved such a life. The life of a pharmacist. The life of a simple, but happy man."
He shot up on his feet, his finger pointing down on him accusingly. "But he wasted it all on you."
"Susumu-"
The helpless choke got lost as his brother roared again, "And if he'd have lived for a hundred years, you never would have earned his love. Never." He spitted before his feet, making Koguma flinch sharply. "And I hate you for it."
Beady eyes stared at him for a moment, before he turned his head away sharply from his brother's heaving form. "Anything else?"
"If you ever fuck Kama, I'll never forgive you."
"Go away."
"Gladly."
Koguma sat on the damp boulder long after Susumu had left. He sat there still when the stone had dried up. He sat there still when the sun had set. He didn't sit there once it rose over the hokage cliff.
He regarded her as she rested on his abdomen, supported by his arm and blabbered on about the butterfly she had seen in the garden today. Her cheeks were soft and had little freckles in them, twitching every time her gummy mouth widened in a smile. The stubby nose crunched when she talked about something unpleasant, like when it had tried flying away from her, or she was scolded for trampling her mother's flowers to get to it. Silver hair hung loosely in two high pigtails, the gravity defying mob resisting any treatment even at such a young age and her slatey eyes couldn't stop hushing from one thing to the next. So much curiosity in such a small package-
"Ojichan!" she called as she patted against his cheek.
"Omugi-chan?"
She stared at him with her round eyes, her little pouty lips slightly glistening with spit. "Ojichan!" she called again, patting his cheek more harshly this time.
"Cub?"
"You don't listen!"
"But I do. Kaasan scolded you for killing the petunias and you didn't even get to catch the butterfly. It smelled like dust and grass." She stilled as she sat on his stomach, before leaning forward again and pushing her sticky fingers into the corners of his mouth. He distinctly felt his fangs peek out as she raised his lips almost too high. With a pout she let go of him again, wiping her hands absentmindedly on his shirt.
"You look sad."
"Do I?"
"Are you sad?"
"I'm sad you missed your butterfly."
She shook her head. "You looked sad before."
"I'm sorry, cub."
Her head cocked a little to the side, before she let herself plonk down against his chest. Her little nose nuzzled against his neck as she clumsily rubbed their cheeks together. "Kaasan sings when I'm sad," she mumbled against his skin.
"Are you sad often?"
"No. I have Tensai."
His lips thinned upon her words. "That's good." She started to hum a tune, her little chest vibrating with the slightly unsteady and too fast melody, each of her breaths almost a gasp in her efforts. It was an old Hatake song, which his mother had already sung to him and probably hundreds of mother's had before her. He picked up the tune and hummed along with Omugi, unable to remember the last time he had even done that. Might as well could have been in the Hatake mountains. Might as well could have been this exact song.
After a while she stopped in her efforts and instead remained lying still against his chest, her eyelashes tickling against his neck every time she blinked. Neither of them spoke and instead enjoyed the spots of sunlight on their clothes and hair as they continued sitting in a tree.
"I love you, ojichan," she mumbled through the thumb sticking in her mouth.
"I love you too, cub."
"When will tousan find us?"
"Not long now."
"Can we nap?"
"There's still plenty of time for that," he hummed and wrapped his other arm around her as well. She snuggled closer to him and adjusted the position of her head on his neck, before her breath started to even out.
Ten minutes later Kama appeared without a sound on the branch of the tree, his eyes first flittering to his daughter snuggled up against his chest and him leaned against the trunk of the tree. "Explain to me why you kidnapped my pup?" he whispered slightly amused.
Koguma shook his head as gently as possible and tonelessly replied, "She found me."
"Hiding in a tree?"
"Resting in a tree." His own eyes fluttered across Kama's form as if looking for another little girl. "Tensai?"
"Still taking her nap back home. When we found her by herself, she said Omugi smelled you, but was too tired to go along."
"They have keen noses."
"They're attached."
"That too."
Kama sat down on the branch and slouched forward to rest his lower arms on his legs. "You have been avoiding us."
"I had been on missions."
"To avoid us." A pause. "To avoid me."
He hummed in reply, the leaves covering them slightly rustling as a breeze flittered through it.
"Whatever Susumu said, and I'm sure he did-"
"Is none of your business," Koguma replied not unkindly.
Kama looked at him through hooded eyes. "No. I guess it isn't." He pinched his lips. "I'm sure it'll pass."
A bitter scoff shook Koguma's chest, making the little girl shortly whine in her sleep. "I don't think it will."
Now it was his turn to hum. "Are we still talking about the fight?" His tone had made it sound teasing, but his gaze was rather anxious.
A deep and exhausted sigh was his reply. "Let's get Omugi back home."
"Don't push me away."
"I don't."
"You always do." He gave out a mirthless chuckle. "Always balancing up to a certain point and then you push. Where's the line, Kogu?"
His brows furrowed and the crease between them deepened. "It's drawn bright red right across the sand."
"Why?"
"Let's get Omugi home." He rose from his position and ignored Kama's desperate plea. Omugi's breath hitched as she stirred against his neck, slightly smacking her mouth in her sleepy state.
"Home?" she mumbled.
"Yeah, let's go home." His feet landed silently on the grass below, the momentum of the jump easily caught by his crouch. Without waiting for Kama, he headed from the compound's forest to the houses.
The silver haired man caught up to him only a few heartbeats later. "Why?" he pushed again. "Is it because of Risu?"
Koguma shook his head in bitter amusement. "For how very much alike you and Susumu think, you surely hate each other's guts a lot."
"Is it because of Risu?"
"Not everything's because of Risu."
"Everything is because of Risu," Kama held back stubbornly. "It's been four years and still everything is about Risu."
Koguma halted and bared his teeth at him. "Risu had used some of his last breaths to make me promise to amend things with the Hatake- with you. If this were because of Risu, none of this would be a problem."
Kama's eyes widened minutely, absolute incomprehension lining his face. "Then what is?"
Koguma scoffed and moved onwards, but when Kama called out in shock, "You can't forgive me," he stopped dead in his tracks. "You said you did, but you can't." He turned back to him the moment his voice broke. "You can't forgive me for not being there. Is that it?" His form was dropping, eyes reflecting blank hurt.
"I forgave you for that," Koguma replied with an earnest genuine.
"Then-"
"I forgave you for that." He took some steps back to the man slouching miserably in his position. "I forgave you. Don't ever think otherwise."
"Then why?"
"Because-" he almost choked on the word. A deep groan moved up his throat and he turned away to walk onwards once again. Omugi was now wide awake against his chest, her eyes fluttering from him to her father, but she didn't say anything.
"Because what?" Kama called, running behind him and grabbing onto his arm to make him stop. "Tell me and let me make it right-"
"Because Yasashiko was right," he breathed, as if the words would make sense to Kama. "Because he was right and I would-" One of his hands shot up to his hair and he tugged harshly through it, almost tearing some of the strands out in the process. His eyes stared right through the ground, unaware of how Omugi was patting his cheek to comfort him. "Because I had a puppy love up until the moment I heard the Hatake were alive and joining a village. And it-" His eyes snapped back to Kama's still form. "I had a kamidamn puppy love from the day I met you. And you broke a six year old's heart. And then hearing you were alive scattered the pieces when I was fourteen." He chuckled breathlessly. "A damn puppy love. How pathetic-" He turned to walk away again, not noticing the tremble going through Kama's body.
"Kogu-"
"Ojichan." Finally he noticed the pats against his cheek. Her eyes were brimming with tears, her nose scrunching as if something was stinging in her nostrils and shoulders hitching with silent hiccups. She must have smelt his distress.
"I'm sorry, cub," he muttered and wiped away some of the tears spilling down her cheeks. His bandaged fingers slid softly across her unblemished skin. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be sad."
"Okay."
"Don't be."
"Okay," he repeated once more.
"You stink when you're sad."
That actually made him laugh in surprise. "Really?"
"Really."
"What does it smell like?"
Her nose scrunched, his ploy of distracting her from her own tears to find the right words working rather well.
"It smells of abandoned homes- dusty and stale and moulding." Kama's whispered words had him turn his attention back to the man. He looked like a kicked puppy- eyes slightly dull and hesitant as they met his gaze, the corner of his mouth turned downwards and shuffling from one foot to the other. "I'm sorry, Kogu."
"I know you are."
"Tell me how to make it right."
"Just be yourself."
Kama nodded. "In limits."
"Don't you dare limit yourself." Kama's eyes blew wide as he stared at him. Koguma shot him a tight, but genuine smile, showing of the slight dimples in his own cheeks, which Omugi immediately stabbed at. "Just be yourself," he repeated a tad more quieter.
An incredulous smile spread on Kama's face, growing wider and wider seeing that Koguma was being serious. "And what about Susumu?"
Koguma groaned and rolled his eyes, proceeding to walk onwards again. "Omugi-chan, your tousan really can ruin perfectly good moments with his idiocy," he whispered like a conspirator into her ear, but loud enough that Kama could still hear it.
"Idocy!" she chimed, making him chuckle.
"Yes, quite the id-ot."
Kama was still grinning like a fool when they stepped over the threshold of his home.
He pushed himself up again from the ground, his breath foggy in the cold air. Through his bangs he could see Kagami holding his ground rather well against Danzo and Hiruzen, escaping the staff with the typical Uchiha-grace and using Danzo's wind jutsu to fan his own fire. When he lowered himself again and the pebbles of the frozen ground dug into his palm through his bandages, the weight on his back shifted. A delighted giggle reached his ears and little hands patted his back.
"Again."
"Of course." He pushed himself back up, only to lower down again, his push-ups precise and smooth.
"Again."
"One should think you'd tire of it, Ryu-chan."
"Again," she almost demanded, playfully tugging at his hair.
"Whatever you command." Up, down, up, down- he was certain to spot Kagami's mouth tug into a smile hearing his daughter's laughter as he chugged Danzo into the bare trees.
"Again!" He chuckled and changed his left hand for his right after he had reached one hundred. She almost shrieked as he tried tickling her with his hand reaching behind his back. It broke Kagami's concentration for a moment, earning him a smack to his stomach with the staff. The air left his lungs with a wheeze, making Danzo sneer in satisfaction, still rubbing his own bum.
"Such a demanding little cub." He pushed himself up and down again, while her sharp knees dug into his back and spine as she tried adjusting her position. A slight wheeze of his own left his lungs as she plonked down onto her stomach right across his upper back, her head now peeking down beside his own. She tried hugging around his chest, which of course her short arms couldn't manage, and snuggled up to his face.
"Ko-chan," she whined right into his ear.
"Yes?"
"Let's play!" He winced upon her loud voice.
"What would you like to play?" Up, down, up, down, her curly hair bouncing with the movement.
"Ninja."
"Then I'm surely winning the game already."
"No," she squealed. "Not like that!"
"Shouldn't you play these things with your sister?" Kagami was now seriously getting his butt kicked, as Hiruzen and Danzo managed pressing him into a corner- he may be able to anticipate their blows before they were coming with his sharingan, but none of that mattered if he couldn't escape the attacks anyway.
"But she's boring."
"She's your sister." He had a hard time keeping any accusation out of his tone.
"I wanna play with Habiki-kun." Her pout was practically audible and he didn't even need to look out of the corner of his eyes to see her jut her lower lip forward.
"I don't think Denji-san will appreciate it."
"I don't care-"
The weight of her body was suddenly lifted from his back, making her gasp in shock upon the surprising action. "That's enough Ryujin. If you can't act properly, I won't take you to training anymore." Kagami sat her down onto the frozen ground. "Koguma may put up with much you kids come up with, but there's a point you need to pull yourself together."
"Yes, tousan," she replied, her head dipped down underneath his chiding. Koguma had continued his push-ups until he had reached a hundred again and then rose up to his feet.
"Now apologize to Koguma for whining right into his ear." Kagami had his crossed his arms in front of his chest, while Hiruzen and Danzo looked on from the distance, even as they acted as if they were continuing in their training.
"I'm sorry Ko-chan." She was starting to shake ever so slightly- probably growing cold now that she couldn't leech his warmth anymore.
"Accepted, cub." He cocked his head to see if Kagami wanted to keep this up for a while or if he was done with being the strict Uchiha-parent he tried to imitate. Really, it just didn't work if you didn't really believe in it yourself. But then his own onyx eyes softened underneath her pitiful form and he reached down only to lift her up onto his hip.
Both father and daughter exchanged a soft smile with each other, so Koguma turned to take his turn beating up team Tobirama.
They had only managed getting into their opening stances, as the cries of hawks erupted all over the village. All the men's eyes fluttered to the steely skies and took in the hawk circling above their heads as well. It didn't even carry a message-tube onto its leg- it only held a short white tape.
A gust of cold wind blew across the clearing and the silence underneath the hawk's cries was heavy. "And so a god dies on a bleak winter morning," Koguma mumbled.
"There will be war," Danzo added, an incredulous look flashing across his face.
They all stared up at the bird a moment longer, before it cawed three times and flew away again. Kagami shifted in his spot and pressed Ryujin a bit tighter to his body. "I'll take her home. I guess we see each other at the tower in half an hour." Then he shunshined out of the park.
"Think we need to put on proper uniforms?" Hiruzen added after another hefty silence.
Danzo went to grab his kunai and shuriken still littering the ground and trees. "I guess. He was our hokage after all."
"How long can they keep it secret, you think?" Hiruzen's staff disappeared in a poof of smoke and he himself moved to collect their water canteens standing off to the side.
"Four days, perhaps?" Danzo scratched against the light stubbles on his chin. "A week tops." He shrugged his shoulders. "They'll need to inaugurate Tobirama-sensei as fast as possible to guarantee a smooth transition."
"Won't be as festive as Hashirama-sama's, will it? Most likely keep it as sober."
"There's really nothing to celebrate."
Both men exchanged a solemn look as Hiruzen pressed his canteen into his hand.
"You're probably delighted, aren't you, Koguma?" Danzo had started to address him while still looking at Hiruzen, so it took Koguma a second to notice that he had to answer.
He shook his head. "Now, why should I? Without him there's no guarantee the other nations won't test us- I will never take delight in war."
"But his death-"
"I didn't know the man well enough to allow myself any judgment on his person."
"Such a vague answer- there's a clan head's son lost on you," Hiruzen returned. "You sure you don't wanna usurp Kama from the position?"
Koguma scoffed and rested his hand on the hilt of his sword. "No, thank you."
"Will the Hatake stay?" Danzo pushed, his eyes narrowing.
Koguma had to consider his answer for a moment- they probably would, if only because they had nowhere else to go to. But ever since the whole Kitsune-incident, relations between the clan and the village had been more than strained. Sure, they still fulfilled their duties on missions and continued being as attached to their loved ones as ever, but Hashirama and Tobirama had lost their respect the moment they had wanted to push Sutoro into betraying any of his kin. As if none of them would choose to celebrate and applaud the one responsible for the massacre- not that they would ever find out. And because of it, Koguma was sure some of their loyalty was now dubious at best, completely eradicated at worst. The Senju had a pack consisting of feral guard dogs at their sides and back- it was only a matter of time when one of them would disobey a direct order.
"Yes."
"That sounded really convincing," the man drawled.
Koguma shrugged his shoulders. "What do you want to hear? I'm just a jounin in the clan. I hold no sway. Whatever they decide is really something I have no insight into."
Hiruzen and Danzo exchanged a somewhat strained eyeroll. "I tell you, spoken like a true politician."
Koguma ignored their words and instead took his leave to go and get dressed in the standard uniform. When he left his home again, he bumped into Kama, who immediately fell into step towards the hokage tower.
"So he's dead, huh?"
"Apparently."
They fell into silence, evidently the Hatake unable to come up with anything to keep the conversation going. His cheekbones and slightly crooked nose where burning red with the cold and he had his hands stuffed into the pockets of his trousers. Foggy breath danced in front of his mouth as he stated, "Kogu, you need to promise something."
He felt his eyebrows lift up to his hairline upon his serious tone. "What?"
Both men stopped and Kama stepped forward to him, eyes rather harsh as he whispered, "If you're ever thinking about- about wiping any stains away, leave my pups out of it."
Koguma's eyes locked onto his, shocked over the turn his friend's thoughts had taken. "Is this because Hashirama's dead? Kama, I'm not planning on-"
"Promise."
"I would never hurt-"
"Promise," the man hissed at him.
"Okay. I promise. I'll leave the twins and your son out of it."
"Good." Such pure relief was rolling off of him that it was almost laughable.
"Not gonna make me promise to leave your clan out of it? Your wife?"
Kama's lips pinched, clearly noticing his choice of words. "You would never."
He had to actively fight an incredulous chuckle, warmth pooling in his chest and stomach- Yasashiko had been right when he had told him Kama would surprise him with his forgiveness. And maybe he was going completely mad, but he had to know- "What if I wouldn't have agreed to leave your pups out of it?"
Kama's eyes hushed between his. "I knew you would. You love them."
"But what if I wouldn't have?"
"I would have made sure you had died before me."
Maybe Koguma was a terrible person after all. For ever doubting which side he would pick if he had been forced to face his own pack. To face Kama. To face Madara. For still doubting it. Would his father had doubted? Certainly not. His wild uncle? He honestly couldn't say. Probably not. He had been a man of strong convictions after all. Would his brother have doubted? After what Madara had said about him- No. He wouldn't have. Sometimes, he really whished it would have been them still having to fight their way through life. Not Koguma.
"What are you thinking?" Kama's gaze had softened from his earlier proclamation.
"That you're a good man, Kama." He turned away and walked onwards to the hokage's tower.
The inauguration was a rather hasty affair. All jounin of the village had been called to the hokage tower, where they watched as the village council basically pushed the hat into the albino's hands. There was no cheering, there was no clapping and most importantly, there were no civilians to witness. Hiding in the bowels of the tower as they were, squeezed into the council's room.
Tobirama looked gaunt with his jawline definitely sharper and cheekbones prominent underneath the slight purple hue around his eyes. His eyes flickered even more harshly than usual and the pale lips almost disappeared inside his frown. Koguma was sure he had loved his brother dearly, even if they didn't always see eye-to-eye. And having lost him to sickness, which even his genius couldn't solve- Koguma maybe felt a twinge of sympathy for the man. All things considered he did hold up rather well, even when he snapped at the head of the Hyuuga for bothering him with mundane questions. But who wouldn't have?
His eyes flickered over the sea of shinobi collected- he spotted Susumu's white tuft a little further down on the left. He couldn't really gauge his expression, but seeing him standing there among strangers, instead of having joined their position among the clan or even alongside team Tobirama really made his heart clench. Sure, they still went on missions together and continued to work in perfect synch, but it had been a while since they talked. Since they had dinner together. Since they trained. This time both of them convinced, not that they had been right, but the other had been wrong. Forgiving him seemed harder than it had ever been before. Especially for being accused of something he had absolutely no control over- something he hated himself enough for already.
When the number of patrols and night shifts had been increased and the date for the funeral set to one week for now, they were dismissed from the gathering. White hair was one of the first to leave the room.
"I'll come by later," Koguma mumbled to Kama as he had just began babbling about dinner tonight and instead made his way to follow his brother.
"He doesn't deserve it!" Kama called, making some of the shinobi turn around to him, but Koguma ignored his angry and frustrated words. If there truly would be war coming, he couldn't leave it at this.
Following his scent, he arrived right at the cemetery. His brother wasn't the only one apparently moved to visit a loved one, as three other figures were busy swapping wilted flowers or brushing off dead leaves from their graves. At first he though Susumu had been waiting here for him, choosing this spot on purpose, but he visibly startled as he walked up to him. Koguma ignored his reaction and instead stared down at Risu's grave.
"Do you come here often?" The stone was pristine, no dead leaves surrounding the white granite, no moss covering its surface and a single lily lying in front of it.
Susumu hummed, keeping his hands firmly stuffed into his pockets. "Sometimes."
He followed the dark lines of Risu's name with his eyes, as if wanting to caress them. "Can we simply not work without Risu?"
"I don't know." His admission sent a twang through Koguma's heart. "We were never like this before-"
"No," he sighed seeing that Susumu wouldn't continue.
"I miss Risu."
"I know."
"No you don't." Susumu spat, his face twisting with misery. "I miss him so much. Everyday. His clever remarks, his dry jokes, the way he constantly chided us for not looking after ourselves, whenever he kicked our butts- I miss it." His fists clenched inside their pockets. "I miss how it was before Konoha. Us three. Sometimes I wish I would simply wake up and I would hear the both of you cooking up breakfast and me getting up from the hay, or grass, or tree to join you. And we would be teasing and throwing jokes and not have a care in the world but for that precise moment, that day. No worrying about anything else. Just how to get our bellies full and make the most out of the day. I miss that. We had nothing but each other but we were happy. Fucking happy."
"Are you not now?"
"I don't think I have been truly as happy as I had been back then for a long time." He sighed. "Don't take me wrong. I love Kikyo with all my heart and she's good. But I don't think I'm happy." He finally turned to Koguma. "I think that is why I'm starting to hate you sometimes. Because while my happiness is slipping away between my fingers, you are finding more and more each day- Kama, team Tobirama, the children- you're finally finding happiness. And I'm not." His hand shot out of a pocket and brushed through his feathery hair. "I understand now why you were so miserable the first months here. I get it. Risu and me content with being here, making do with what was given and you not finding any of that. I get it now that the roles are switched. And I hate you even more for never taking it out on us. Instead you drowned us in even more of your rough love."
Anger shortly twisted over his features and he gave a harsh push against Koguma's chest. "Why did you never snap at us? Be angry? Argue? How did you manage dealing with any of that without turning it on us? And why the hell can't I do the same?"
"Tell me what to do," Koguma breathed, wilfully accepting another hard shove against his chest. "Tell me what to do and I'll do it."
"I don't even know what to do!" Susumu roared, his words echoing across the cemetery. "How the hell am I supposed to tell you?!"
Koguma suddenly realized how this was going to end. He would tell Susumu he'd do anything and that idiot would jump at the chance to make him look like a hypocrite for refusing to do the most terrible things- but he wouldn't. He never would. His loyalty was unconditional and he would have done the same for Kama, Madara and Risu- anything they would have asked them to.
Because, honestly, he was a terrible person.
And it would scare his brother. Because he had never realised that the day Yubi and he stumbled across him, they should have better kept on walking. They had no idea what had latched onto them, what it meant, truly meant to have his loyalty. His heart. Unwavering, cruel and mad. He'd do anything. Hell, Kama had seen only a glimpse of his rotten soul and was caught somewhere between enjoying it or choosing to simply act as if it weren't there- and he was a Hatake himself. If anyone, he had hoped he would understand.
But Susumu wouldn't.
So he shut down his own helplessness and instead grabbed Susumu and pulled him against his chest. The man flailed in his arms, snarling and hissing that he should leave him be, but his grip was firm. And as he continued hitting his chest and tried to wrench out of it, a deep growl made its way up from his stomach and turned into a snarl. Susumu stilled, basic instincts apparently kicking in, so Koguma started to hum the melody Omugi had reminded him of.
Susumu was frozen still in his grip, his fists clenching into his shirt, but when Koguma started the melody from the top, his shoulders began to shake. Deep sobs retched through his brother as he pressed his head onto his torso and soon the fabric became drenched with his snot and tears. Koguma began stroking his back in soothing circles, still humming his melody.
"I miss him," Susumu moaned.
"And he misses us." That seemed to only spur on his tears, his fabric audibly groaning as he twisted and tugged at it and entire body shaking with his grief. "It's okay, cub. It's okay."
"I'm sorry."
"It's okay. Nothing to be sorry for."
"I'm sorry," he kept hiccupping again and again, at one point actively starting to bury himself in Koguma's embrace. The other visitors had by then long since left the cemetery, seeing that the sun was beginning to set early during the winter. Koguma didn't move away and neither did Susumu give any indication of wanting to let go.
The shadows lengthened, dipping all the headstones in darkness and cold settled deep into their bones. Koguma's fingers grew numb, his cheeks burning with the chill and Susumu had started to tremble in his embrace. The stars above them flickered in the icy night, illuminating their foggy breaths as time passed.
He didn't go to Kama that evening for dinner.
Instead he ended up in Susumu's dark living room, cradling his brother against his side with one arm wrapped around his shoulder. His feathery hair was gliding in soft tufts through his fingers as he brushed through them, his short fingernails sometimes scraping across his skull. They hadn't spoken a word since the cemetery and instead stared at the opposite wall, both their still figures illuminated by the soft moonlight.
"If I were to ask you to sleep with Kikyo, would you do it?"
His fingers halted upon Susumu's whispered words, before they gently picked up their movement. The moonlight paced across their stretched out legs as the silence lengthened. After a while, he whispered back just as silently, "I would." Susumu rested his head against his chest, a deep breath warming the fabric of his cotton shirt. "Do you think it would make you happy? A child?"
"I don't know. I think it would."
"Even if it wouldn't be your flesh and blood?"
"It would be yours- so it might as well be."
He hummed and continued stroking his brother's hair. A deep and satisfied sigh echoed through the dark room. "Does Kikyo even know of this idea of yours?"
Susumu stiffened, the action being all the answer he needed. "Why give her hope, when I didn't even know you would agree?"
"Would she see it as such? Hope?"
"I-"
"Would she ever agree to this?"
Susumu shifted in his position, clearly uncomfortable with the question.
"Susumu." His voice was soft and gentle as he lowered his face to press a kiss against the top of his head. "The bond we share- it's not something other people have or understand. It's not exactly normal." He cradled the back of his head, the feathery hair still brushing against his lips. "I know you wouldn't mind. And you know I would do anything for you. But it doesn't mean that she would agree to any of it. That she'd understand why you would even want that. Don't alienate her with this."
"Kogu-"
"I love you, Susumu. But I think Kikyo is doing you good. She's- I think she's at the moment what you need- something to you that I am not. Don't push her away through impatience. It'll come. It'll come in due time. And if not-" He shortly tightened his embrace. "Then you know that I would do anything you ask."
"I love you too, Kogu," his brother whispered back after a while. A chuckle shook his shoulders. "Man, shouldn't the big brother be the one spewing wisdom?"
"Who ever said you were the big brother?" he replied, a slow grin spreading on his face.
"I'm the older one. Of course I'd be."
"Pff. Matter of perspective. I'm the one with whitening hair."
"My hair's completely white." He didn't even need to look down to feel Susumu's deadpan look.
"True enough." Their soft laughter filled the room and made both men relax in their positions.
"Hey Kogu," Susumu started again after a while. "About Kama-"
"Susumu," Koguma warned, his fingers twitching in his hair.
"No, listen. It's- if- I mean-" he took a deep breath. "I'll be happy as long as your happy. Or I'll try my best to be."
"Susumu-"
"Gotta give the idiot some credit for his patience. Can't believe it took you four fucking years-"
"Susumu, stop."
His harsh request had his brother pause in his words. He twisted out of his embrace and turned to look at him. "Still in the denial phase, are we?" he pushed, his expression caught between bewilderment and pity.
Koguma gritted his teeth, his hands clenching and unclenching into fists. "It's none of your business."
"I beg to differ. I'm your fucking brother. Of course it's my business. It's also probably somewhat my fault that you're being all defensive about this- I'm sorry. I know you've always found this hard. Don't- don't let me stop you. Or anything I said. I was stupid." He grabbed both his tensing fists and pried them open to link their fingers together. "I'm just- I never expected you to actually- you know. See anyone like that." His brows furrowed as he gave a hard laugh. "Is this just delayed puberty, or what?"
"I'm not-" Koguma spluttered. "Don't you dare mock me-" His mouth pulled into a snarl as he tried to pull his fingers away again.
Susumu held on tight, shooting him an apologetic smile. "Sorry, sorry. I know. I know. I'm sorry." The smile turned into a teasing smirk as he added with a wink, "Should I take you to Ainosuke-san now? I'm sure she's still alive and kicking, even if her tits are probably dragging along the floor by now-"
Koguma roared as he threw himself onto his brother, eyes burning more with embarrassment than any true anger. They were wrestling as they rolled across the floor, not hesitating to pull at each other's hair or pinching at spots they knew the other to be sensitive at. At one point they found themselves in a stalemate, with Koguma's head pinched between his brothers legs' and Susumu's arm twisted to break under more force. They released each other at the same time and collapsed onto the floor, feeling bruises and aches forming on their skin and bones.
"Sometimes I'm not too sure I didn't marry a five year old," a female voice called out from the door. Both Susumu and Koguma shared an exhausted grin, not at all startled upon her arrival, since they had heard her coming back to the house during their little match.
"Ah, but you still love me," Susumu sing-sang, his chest heaving with his breaths.
Kikyo shook her head, her slender hand hiding her amused smile. "You're lucky I do."
He turned to look at her, his gaze softening as he took her in. "That I am."
"Alright," Koguma drawled, clapping his upper tights as he sat upright. He got up with a slight groan, his joints stiff from sitting on the floor for so long and after having stood in the cemetery for hours. "I'll take my leave."
Susumu dove for his legs to try and keep him from leaving, but Koguma side-stepped it with ease. "Don't think you're getting away this easily-" he called after Koguma's retrieving form. "You're finally having a crush and I wanna hear all about it-"
Koguma groaned under his breath and shared a playful eyeroll with Kikyo as he shuffled past her in the doorway. She shortly clasped at his upper arm and leaned towards him to whisper, "Thank you." He glanced back over his shoulder to take in his brother's teasing smirk and the absolute nonsense he spewed, before he gave her a quick smile. Then he made his way to the front door. No need to give his brother any more chances to embarrass him.