Hello, readers! In this story, Robin gets a little too health-crazed and ends up seriously pissing off a certain sorceress. This should definitely be something else.
I don't own the Teen Titans, and happy reading!
"Eighty-one! Eighty-two! Eighty-thr-- come on, Cyborg, let's go!"
The Teen Titans were in the Tower gym at eight A.M. in the morning, performing their usual combat practice among other exercises. Starfire was blasting fake combat dummies with her red-hot neon starbolts, Raven was learning to telepathically eliminate all enemies at once within a twenty-foot radius of herself using dummies as well, Beast Boy was punching a boxing bag dangling from the ceiling, and Cyborg was lifting weights- with Robin encouraging him.
"Come in, Cyborg! Push! You can-"
Cyborg silenced Robin with a glare that could've melted steel, and firmly set down the weight.
Robin put his hand behind his head nervously and puckered his lips awkwardly. "Ha, um, I'll stop."
Cyborg straightened up with a groan. "Robin, we've been at this for two hours straight. I think it's time for a little break."
Raven squinted, eyes glowing white, and a practice marionette exploded in a cloud of foam just in front of her. She let herself carefully sink to the ground, and then peered over at Robin and Cyborg. "Yeah- in starting to get a migraine." She squeezed her eyes shut and placed her index and middle fingers up against her temples.
"Seriously, dude..." Beast Boy gasped in exhaustion, finally allowing himself to cease the assault on the boxing bag. "You're more of a drill sergeant than a kid lately."
Starfire settled onto the ground and blew lightly at a few neon-green sparks sizzling at her fingertips. "I believe friend Beast Boy is correct," she chimed in, slinging her long hair from her face.
"So maybe I've been a little intense lately," Robin admitted sheepishly, tossing his hands up in defense. "A little more exercise never hurt anybody."
"Actually, yes it has," Raven informed him a little peevishly. "Overexercising can lead to something called OTS, which can result in loss of sleep, fatigue, constant muscle soreness, hormone issues, energy depletion, and nutrient deficiency."
The other Titans all stood there in silence. Finally, "Fine. Fine, I get it," Robin muttered, a little indignant. "I'll take it easy- for the rest of today, that is."
Audible exasperated sighs from the other Titans.
"Can we eat now?" Beast Boy asked hopefully. "I can feel my stomach growling in my chest!"
"What are we having to eat?" Starfire queried.
"Kale smoothies, lettuce, tomato, and avocado salad, and yogurt," Robin answered brightly.
An even more audible collective groan from the rest of the team.
"What are we, rabbits?" Cyborg bellowed, slapping his hand against his forehead. "Why can't we have some good old meat every once in a while?"
"Just because Beast Boy's vegetarian doesn't mean the rest of us have to be," Raven snapped. Beast Boy shot her a look.
"Vegetables are healthy," Robin insisted. "And whining isn't going to make them any less healthy. Lets just go and eat."
Another groan that was almost a scream from the other Titans, and as she passed by Robin to leave the room, Raven smacked the Boy Wonder upside his head.
"I hope you've all been staying committed to your diets," Robin lectured as the Titans were heading down the hallway to the dining room. "The American diet is one of the worst diets on the planet, not to mention deadly. Lots of cancers and issues within the body have been linked to a bad-"
"We get it," Beast Boy cut him off sharply, rolling his eyes to white.
"We understand your desire to keep our bodies in good health," Starfire enthused weakly, trying to keep things civil, "but I believe my ears are imploding." She looked up at the ceiling, exasperated.
"One more word about what we should and shouldn't eat and I'll kill him," Raven warned with an ominous frown.
Robin's masked eyes narrowed. "I would think you'd want to keep up with your eating habits, seeing as you seem to be getting a little-" he looked her stomach up and down- "larger."
Beast Boy's jaw dropped. Starfire clapped her hand over her mouth. Cyborg stared at Robin like he was a talking mushroom.
Beast Boy blinked rapidly with wide eyes and coughed nervously. "Nice knowin' ya, dude," he offered meekly, rubbing the back of his neck. Cyborg and Starfire were still speechless, stunned into silence at this bold but brutal attack on the empath.
Raven looked absolutely livid- her eyes were glowing white and her face was flushed a rosy red. Through clenched teeth she muttered, "Mind indicating which part of my body you're talking about?"
Cyborg cleared his throat uneasily, and Starfire's expression was taut, pulling at her fingers anxiously. Neither Titan could see this ending well. Beast Boy tapped his foot, antsy.
Robin was taken aback, but his contempt overcame his common sense and he pointed out Raven's lower stomach. Starfire, Beast Boy, and Cyborg all cringed.
"See?"
Raven glanced down, eyes still a luminescent ivory- and then surprised everyone by laughing. It was a one-note laugh- and absolutely mirthless.
"That- Robin-" it was taking every ounce of control she had not to blast Robin to bits- "is what. We call. A uterus."
Robin's eyebrows creased. "Huh?"
"Most girls- they have a small part of their lower stomach that may look- larger- than the rest of their stomach. That is a uterus. It is entirely natural. It is not something you can rid yourself of. It cannot be eliminated no matter how many ab workouts you do or how little you eat. It is an organ." Raven's words were biting, and you could practically see the steam coming from her ears.
Dumbfounded silence.
Robin looked absolutely mortified, and his face faded into the color of a tomato. In a split second all of his chagrin at his health-food pep talks being harshly dismissed had morphed into burning embarrassment. Starfire, Beast Boy, and Cyborg watched with suppressed amusement but still aghast.
"Uh- I didn't- I'm-"
"Forget it." Raven's eyes finally dulled. She yanked her hood over her head, pulled her cloak tightly around her figure, and stormed off in the opposite direction.
The other Titans stared soundlessly.
"Wow." Cyborg finally mumbled.
"How are you still alive?!" Beast Boy hollered in bewilderment, throwing his arms in the air. "Raven would've killed me!"
"Save it," Robin muttered. "I've got to go apologize." And with that he disappeared down the hallway after Raven.
Raven proceeded not to speak to Robin or even acknowledged his existence for the next two days, which made things quite tense in the Tower with the exception of missions. The other three Titans were also slightly distant over the course of those two days, as they obviously weren't huge fans of making comments on anyone else's body. Robin figured that was probably well-deserved, and he definitely regretted it.
Moral of the story: Don't comment on Raven's body. Or anyone's, for that matter.