Hello everyone! This is very new territory for me since I've been a huge fan of this show for MANY years, but I only got across the stories recently. You see - I came across this show during Season 13 - so right after Elliot's departure. I barely knew who he was, but after a few years, I went back to the very first season, saw his character development, and fell in love with his character, and the twelve-year partnership that was 'Benson and Stabler'. Trust - I'm still the tiniest bit rusty in the actual character development, but I'm gonna do my best to do these characters justice. Also this story is taking place RIGHT after season 5, and I'm gonna introduce Nick and Amanda pretty early on… so this is extremely AU!
Anyways, this idea came to me when I was reading these 'Elliot left by came back' stories, and wondered - what if it was Olivia who left? I didn't want her to retire the way Elliot did, but she transferred to another city, another department, and left Manhattan and Elliot behind with a word - but with no reason. I can't tell you if this story is going to be long, short, or somewhere in the middle, but I really wanna try this out.
Also, feedback is SUPER appreciated. I love to write, but I'll admit that I have no idea what I'm doing here. So if you want to call me out on something that isn't right/accurate or even borderline stupid, please let me know. This will be a journey for all of us.
I also want to integrate some other shows/docuseries in this story to spice it up a bit.
God bless!
Chapter One: Prologue
Sunlight pierced through Olivia's undraped open windows, and the shadow of her silhouette was cast against the wooden floors of her empty new apartment. Although she was away from Manhattan, Staten Island was still reminiscent of home. The cool fall breeze entering the loft brushed through Olivia's dark-brown hair as she tended to her packed boxes, organizing her new bookshelf by the door. Multiple different episodes of a podcast were softly playing in the background through speakers, trying to drown out Olivia's thoughts, but no matter what episode filled the void space, her mind was pounding her with pain and agony.
Specifically from that day.
"Are you sure there isn't anything I can do or say to change your mind, Liv?"
Detective Olivia Benson of Manhattan Special Victims Unit sat across from her captain and commanding officer of five years, Donald Cragen - the man that took her under his wing, gave her a home in the precinct, and acted as her father figure during her entire tenure, looked him in the eyes, and told him - with a straight face - that she wanted to transfer out of SVU, and move to the Homicide Unit in Staten Island. The convenience of them needing a body worked well for Olivia, as her hands had been itching to transfer for quite some time now. "Captain… I'm sorry."
"I don't understand why you couldn't talk to me before putting in this request." Captain Cragen sighed as he leaned forward in his desk, linking his hands together. "You dedicated so much of your life to SVU. You have so many people here who love you like family. I mean, what am I supposed to say to Munch or Fin…" Olivia let out a sigh of her own and broke her eye contact from her captain for a few moments before she heard the next few words out of his lips. "And I don't even know what you would want me to tell E -
"Captain, please." The slight mention of his name that once symbolized friendship, protection, and loyalty… now filled her with pain. Deep, torturous pain. "Please… I'd rather not."
She got out of her seat and headed towards the door, only to stop dead on her tracks. Her eyes fell onto the figure across from her own desk. Brown shirt, rolled-up sleeves, and those baby blue eyes that had been her weakness from the day she saw him for the first time. Her partner of five years. For better or for worse. Her eyes weren't able to look away from him, who was busy typing up a report - not noticing her piercing gaze.
"You'd rather not what?" Captain Cragen's voice was almost hoarse, inaudible as he got out of his own seat and gently walked towards Olivia, noticing her depression. It was almost as if her heart sunk from her chest. "Liv, please. This unit's barely going to function without you at the helm. And I don't even know if I'll be able to find a new partner for him."
Olivia let out a deep sigh, but her eyes never left her partner. "I'm sorry, Captain. I just…" Olivia closed her eyes from a brief moment, before turning around to meet her Captain. "... I can't be here anymore."
Moments of silence followed on afterward, as Olivia kept her gaze towards her Captain, feeling his heartbreak even with the distance between them. They both knew why she felt the need to make the decision to leave, and it was a decision that Olivia never wanted to be uttered out loud. She wanted to believe that her pride was the thing that wouldn't allow for it… but her heart was the true reason.
"While I don't want you to go, I can't permit myself to be selfish and keep you here." Captain Cragen's eyes diverted away from her, as he walked towards his desk again. "Staten Island's Homicide Division is expecting you next Monday. I let them know that the change in scenery might take some time for adjustment, but other than that, they're in great hands."
A small smile formed across Olivia's lips as she walked across to meet Captain Cragen to embrace him - something they hadn't done in quite a while. The only family she had ever truly had - a family that accepted her past, treated her as an equal, and looked out for her throughout these years… Olivia knew what she was walking away from. She knew, but it didn't matter. The alternative was too much for her to handle. A few moments passed, and Captain Cragan released her from the embrace. A smile of his own peered through, as he looked at his now-former detective with loving eyes. "I wish you the absolute best, Detective Olivia Benson. Whatever it is that you want in your life here on out, I truly hope you attain and achieve it."
Nodding gently, Olivia furiously blinked her tears away. "Thank you for everything, Captain."
Not wanting to have a breakdown, Olivia took a few deep breaths, and slowly exited her former Captain's office. Her partner was still by his computer, initially not realizing that she was walking towards him. When he did, his blue eyes ruptured through her chest, and his kind, gentle smile followed suit. Olivia found it harder to breathe as she made her way to her desk. It was only a few moments later that his smile suddenly vanished as he noticed the undeniable tension ravaging through Olivia's body. "What's wrong?"
Olivia didn't say anything, but her eyes were still fighting a battle against her tears. In the corner of the office, Detective John Munch peered through and playfully and gently grabbed onto Olivia's shoulders. "It's never good news with the Captain now, is it?" Waltzing towards the coffee machine, he grabbed a paper cup from a stack. "What, did he chew you out for getting into it with Elliot after interrogation?"
"Uhh, no." Olivia's voice was shaky as she found her way towards her seat, holding onto the top. Her nerves were getting the better of her, which she resented because she wasn't supposed to be this weak. She was supposed to be 'Badass Benson', but she wasn't as strong as she wanted to be at this moment. She was vulnerable.
"That case was pretty rough, though." Detective Odafin Tutuola - otherwise known as Fin - commented as he walked towards his own desk. "Pretty sure the Cap is just making sure she's doin' alright."
"No… that's not it either." The quivering in Olivia's tone caught the attention of all three of her co-workers. Her head shot right towards Captain Cragen's office, who was observing the interaction from his office, and not being able to provide much emotional support. Taking a deep breath in, she cleared her throat. "I handed Captain my transfer papers two weeks ago. I'm going to the Homicide Unit in Staten Island. Effective immediately."
A painful silence amongst the detectives fell in place, while everything else around them was background noise counting down the dreadful moments passing them by. Elliot got up from his seat, with eyes shooting bullets of hurt through her. "You're joking."
Olivia's hands were now trembling, and her eyes shot onto them, unable to keep looking at her partner. Detective Munch walked over to her, noticing her agitation. He put a soothing hand over her shoulder, while sternly looking over at the young, agitated detective. "Come on now, Elliot," he said as his gaze fell onto a jittery Olivia. "Well, this is news indeed. Are you alright? Did something happen that made you want to -
"I'm fine, John." Olivia nodded as she turned to face him, soothed with his presence. "I can't really talk about it, but I just needed a change -
"Bullshit!" Elliot's voice was now tainted with rage and betrayal. Olivia's body tensed up again, and when she met his eyes once again, the pain was evident. "You're just telling us about this - telling ME about this now?! You couldn't have talked to me beforehand or -
"You're outta line, Stabler!" Detective Fin called out angrily as he walked over to Olivia as well. "Baby girl, are you sure this is what you wanna do? I mean, this is your life. If there's anything that's forcing you to -
"There's not." Olivia reassured him with a faint smile. "I talked to the Captain about this, and I told him I was sure of my decision… and it was completely my decision."
"I'm getting out of here."
Almost as soon as those words left his lips, Elliot disappeared from the group, and judging by the direction… he was walking towards the cribs. The walls were soundproof; was he going to yell? Scream? Did he want Olivia to follow him? Confront him? The rampantness of her thoughts were causing Olivia to lose focus that she almost didn't hear Detective Much saying "let him have a bit of time to himself. I'm sure he'll cool off by then and listen to what you have to say."
Olivia didn't respond, but her silence was enough for Detective Munch to understand the heartbreak she was feeling seeing the reaction of her partner. Detective Fin, on the other hand, offered Olivia a gentle smile as he reached over to her and hugged her. "I'm gon' miss you baby girl. I just wish you told us sooner - we would've sent you a proper farewell."
"I'm sure he would even wear a suit-and-tie again, just for you." Detective Munch chuckled as he reached for Olivia again, and took her in his embrace. "This precinct is not going to be the same with you, little cub. We're gonna miss you."
Olivia chuckled softly as she released herself from the older detective's embrace. "Thanks, you two. Please… watch out for everyone for me."
"We will." Detective Fin gave her a reassuring smile.
Olivia commanded herself to stop going back to those memories, but sometimes they would just creep up on her at the most mundane and random of times. If she allowed her mind to go even deeper into that day, her heart was going to regret it. She got away to escape, and she wasn't about to regret her decision by being her own worst enemy. She couldn't.
Not when her first day as a Homicide detective was approaching soon.
A little on the shorter side, but I promise you - I'm gonna update in a week! Please please please let me know what you think! Also, I want to personally thank Anne Bensler, TStabler, and SummerRaeBenson for inspiring me to actually publish this!