When I first started writing fanfiction, I was aiming more for something cute and romantic, so began to write Luna and Ginny fluff. However, it seems that I have a terrible sense of humour that cannot be reigned in to write something that is entirely cute and romantic without adding any 'crack' elements. I have decided that in order to keep my other fanfiction actually serious and romantic instead of bonkers, I will expunge all my demons in this series of crackfics. There will still be romance and fluffy bits as I am a massive lesbian but it will mainly be humour.
While I do want my fics to be a vent for my insatiable need to write crackfics, I still want them to be well written. If when reading this you notice any ways you think I could improve my work, please let me know I love constructive criticism!
Without further ado, please brace yourselves for 'The Lovegood Gauntlet (part 1)'
It was a quiet evening in the Lovegood household. The only sounds that could be heard were the weary hooting of pigeons, the clink of cutlery and the occasional rustle as the page on a book was turned. Both Luna and her father were avid readers of muggle fiction and devoured books constantly when she was home for the school holidays: it was practically an unspoken rule by now that they read together at dinner. They might talk at breakfast or at lunch, but the evening was sacred, for books only. Which was why Luna was so surprised to be rudely pulled out of the world she had been engrossed in by the inquiring tones of her father.
'Luna', he said, peering at her eagerly from behind his copy of How to Train Your Dragon. 'How long have you and Ginny been courting for?'
Luna gazed at him, befuddled. 'How long have we been…going out? About 5 months I think'. Surprised by this strange conversation topic, and that her father had broken their agreement of silence, she went back to her book (a Terry Pratchett). For a while they remained in the calm quiet, listening to a blackbird sing.
'Luna', said her father doggedly, 'would you consider this to be a serious relationship?'
Luna sighed and put the book down. 'Oh, don't worry!', said her father cheerfully. 'This will only take a few minutes and then we can go back to our books'. Luna felt slightly nervous about what conversation could only take a few minutes and would also involve her girlfriend. An ominous feeling came over her. She sighed, then looked at him expectantly. He was obviously desperate to talk to her about whatever it was, and she might as well listen.
/
'Darling', Xenophilius said desperately, 'please be reasonable'.
Luna stared at him incredulously, the food on her plate completely forgotten. 'Daddy', she whispered. 'You cannot be serious. Ginny Weasley is not running the Lovegood Gauntlet so she can date me.'
Xenophilius swallowed hard. 'Well, actually it won't just be Ginny. Traditionally it has to be her entire family'.
'But her family's enormous! Where would we even hold this gauntlet! It wouldn't even be physically possible to fit them all in our back garden!'
Luna's father sighed. He had been hoping to introduce his daughter to the idea gradually, slowly dripping her information about it over a number of months. Where the gauntlet would be held, and what actually happened in it was a particularly sticky point which he had expected to tell Luna only once she had gotten used to the idea of such a competition. He feared this information would scare her, make her do something rash like not make Ginny (or her family) compete in the sacred family tradition.
'Sweetie', he began in a deliberately slow and calm voice. 'In the Lovegood tradition, it's held in the streets of Hogsmede. In the olden times, as the competition happened each time a Lovegood was about to get married it was a bit of a 'National Wizards Day' when a gauntlet did happen. People would come to watch. A day out for the family and all that.'
Luna groaned and buried her face in her hands. 'But Daddy', she said wearily, 'you didn't have to run the gauntlet to date Mummy'.
'Yes but that was because there was a wizarding war going on', said Xenophilius smoothly. 'People haven't seen a gauntlet since your grandparents got engaged. It's a sacred family tradition, I know your mother would want Ginny to do it if she were here.'
Crumbling under emotional blackmail, Luna sighed. 'Fine', she said, 'I'll ask her. But only ask, if she says no it's not going ahead.'
Xenophilius smiled contentedly.
'What even happens in this gauntlet anyway?' asked Luna suspiciously. Her father looked suddenly shifty-eyed, and began hurriedly clearing away the dinner things. 'Daddy', she said dangerously.
'Well darling, it's nothing serious at all', he gabbled, still not looking at her. 'They just have to battle all our ancestors. And-uh-' he balked at the furious expression on his normally mild-mannered daughter's face- 'if they win, be knighted with the famous Lovegood sword, which will determine their worth'.
'And how will it do that?'. Luna's voice was sharper than a piece of flint.
'Well, if it doesn't deem them to be up to scratch it might kill them'
'Might?'
'If it's in a good mood it may just whack them over the head.'
/
Mr Weasley gazed at his daughter's face. She seemed to be experiencing an enormous variety of emotions all in the space of a minute: amusement, concern, anger and, finally, apoplectic fury. He watched nervously as she crunched through a slice of toast, glaring at the letter clutched in her hand. He recognised the curling letters of Xenophilius Lovegood, which confused and worried him. Perhaps he was writing to inform Ginny that Luna was breaking up with her? Or he was informing Ginny of some awful illness that her girlfriend had contracted? Whatever it was, the news was not good. Ginny looked up at him, her eyes glittering. Mr Weasley gulped and hurriedly went back to reading Everything You Need to Know About Tractors and eating his porridge, attempting to pretend he had been doing this all along.
'I know you saw me reading the letter Dad'. His daughter's voice was brittle and anxious.
'Haha, you caught me at it! Sorry darling, I'm just being nosey…' his voice trailed off as he saw the expression on her face.
'Here', she said, thrusting the pages at him. 'It involves you anyway, you might as well read it.'
Arthur put on his reading glasses, pushed his porridge bowl aside and laid the letter out flat to read.
Dearest Ginny,
I am writing to ask you and your family for a favour of upmost importance. You may have heard of the Lovegood Gauntlet (I believe your Great-Great-Great Uncle Welbert competed in this challenge for the hand of Wisteria Lovegood and lost), and I am writing to inform you that I see no reason to end this long and culturally rich tradition. Of course, as there are no other competitors for Luna's attentions it will just be you and your family, which rather simplifies matters. As I am sure you are aware, there are traditionally 3 tasks in the Lovegood Gauntlet:
The challengers (and their families) battle (you can bypass this stage).
The last standing challenger (and family) battle the Lovegood ancestors
Provided success in 2., the challenger and their entire family must pass the test of the Lovegood sword.
Whilst I believe it is of the upmost importance that this tradition is upkept, Luna seems to think otherwise. She thinks it is 'mad' and 'dangerous', two words I am most hurt to hear her use. I implore you to write to her and inform her that you and the Weasley clan would love to participate in this challenge, and that you think it is a perfectly safe and wholesome activity.
Yours most sincerely,
Xenophilius Lovegood
'He can't seriously think I would even consider doing this crazy gauntlet for a second, let alone try to convince Luna to support me doing it!', Ginny exploded.
Mr Weasley gulped. 'The problem is darling, I fear that if you don't do it and continue to date Luna, you may be haunted.'
Ginny paused, mid crunch of toast. 'Haunted?'
'Yes, by Luna's ancestors. They all participated in the Lovegood Gauntlet you see, it's well recorded in the history books. They tend to get a little tetchy if the rules aren't followed.'