Nesta sighed contentedly as she traced the whorls of ink across Cassian's chest, leaning into his touch as he twirled her hair around a finger. She froze as her fingers crossed the ridge of a scar, a new one, and she narrowed her eyes,
"Cassian?"
"Nesta,"
"Did you fly off to some fight I don't know about?"
"No?"
"Cassian." Nesta pushed herself up on his chest, glaring down at him, "What did you do? This is new," she traced the scar again, "When did you get this?"
"It's fine, sweetheart,"
"No, it's not, tell me what happened."
"First off, I didn't go looking for trouble, and I didn't lie to you about anything,"
"You were prettyfucking economical with the truth then," she snapped,
"It was just a little skirmish, a couple of the restless Illyrians attacked me and Az when we were inspecting a camp, one of them got a lucky hit, it wasn't a big deal, I swear, Feyre healed it completely when I got back, it was easy enough,"
"Feyre?" Nesta hated the way her voice shook then, he'd told her sister, he'd told Feyre but not her. The rational part of her mind told her that Feyre had probably just found him before he'd been to see Madja, that part of her mind wanted to thank her sister for healing him, but the rest of her mind, the dominant part, tried to tell her that he hadn't trusted her. She cursed the tears that threatened to fall, "You told her and not me?"
"Nesta, sweetheart no, I had to report back to her and Rhys about the camp, she insisted, I just didn't want to worry you, okay, I love you, and I knew you'd worry."
"I - I don't know, just tell me next time, I'll worry more if you don't tell me things, I don't mind you getting in fights, it's your job, but I need to know, especially if I wasn't with you or you got injured, I need to know, Cass, I can't, I can't, Cass." She sucked in a breath, struggling to stop all the words from spilling out, but she should tell him, she was learning to, she should tell him about the fear of losing him, the fear that had taken root on Ramiel, that she'd never quite shaken. She absentmindedly rubbed the new ring on her finger, her thumb stilling on the red siphon in the center, and Cassian covered her hand with his own,
"Nesta, look at me, Nes, please," she did meet his eyes then, and he swept a thumb over her cheekbone, "I was fine. I am fine. You are not going to lose me, I promise. And I'm sorry, I should have told you, it healed and wasn't an issue, so I didn't, and I'm sorry," Nesta nodded, still tracing that new scar,
"It's just, I know it takes a lot for fae to scar and, I just can't face that again,"
"You don't have to, if this bullshit in Illyria comes to a head, you'll be right there beside me, saving my ass yet again, don't worry about that,"
"I'm not," she was finally telling the truth, it wasn't the big battles she feared, it was the sneak attacks like the one that had given him that new scar that she feared, "I'm worried about what happens the one time I'm not there, I know you managed 500 years without me, but I just, I worry," she finished, not really knowing how to put the feeling into words, that pure fear. She let Cassian tuck her back into his side,
"I promised you forever, I'm going to give you forever, okay?"
"Forever?"
"Forever."