I have no place to be posting another story for many reasons but here we are. This is an AU-ish demily fic, set in season 7 when Emily returns with flashbacks to previous seasons. As far as canon goes, the Doyle arc has happened with some minor differences which should be clear as the story progresses. Apologies for any grammatical/spelling mistakes.

For a moment, when he first noticed her standing in the doorway, Derek Morgan was unable to feel anything. It was as if his emotions were struggling to catch up with the overwhelming external stimuli he was receiving. Surprisingly, it took him little time to cognitively process what he was seeing. There she was, his dead girlfriend, standing feet away from him. Somehow, Emily Prentiss, who had died seven months ago, was alive again.

Perhaps it was the numerous apparition like experiences he had had these past few months that told Derek that this wasn't a figment of his imagination. No, this Emily was not standing before him covered in blood. She didn't have a gaping table leg sized hole in her abdomen. She wasn't desperately pleading for life, sobbing as she asked why he didn't save her in time. She wasn't a ghostly figure haunting him in the dead of the night as he wrestled with insomnia.

This Emily was very much real and alive. And for once, instead of him, she was the one with the month's worth of regret and guilt etched on her face.

But as far as knowing what he was feeling, Morgan wasn't quite there yet. So, he waited for a few seconds. He waited for the relief to flood his body as his lost love was returned to him. He waited for the feelings of warmth and love that would revive his heart. But none of that ever came. Instead, when he did finally feel something, it was an intense hatred that he had no idea what to do with.

2007

Her lipstick was the first thing he noticed as he approached her at the bar. Not her lips. Her lipstick. Red and smeared along the edge of her half-empty glass. Contrasting against her snow-white complexation. He would never admit to it but he found her to be extremely alluring at this moment.

"So you actually came?" Her voice slightly teased and even though she was trying to hide it, the question was real. Part of her struggled to reconcile how a man like Derek Morgan would ever take such an interest in her. In her mind, she just was not that 'special' and he had a world of choice.

"When Derek Morgan agrees to a date you bet he comes." He took a seat next to her and ordered a drink of his own. His body was buzzing with nervousness that he had never experienced before as he struggled to play it cool. It was their first 'date' after all.

"Not a date remember, that would be against the rules," Emily spoke before biting her lip and letting a cheeky smile erupt on her face.

Part of her hated herself for feeling like this. Excited and optimistic. This was the first time she entertained the thought she could be happy with someone in years. Doyle had in many ways taken away Emily's already fragile ability to trust in relationships and other people. She had resigned to a life of distracting herself with work and compartmentalization some time ago but maybe things were changing. She no longer felt as if she had nothing left to give.

A few months of subtle and not so subtle flirting had led to this moment. The two had agreed that maybe, spending some time outside of work alone would be good. There were no expectations, simply, this was a time where they could unwind from their difficult jobs and enjoy each other's company.

This 'date' became one of many as time went on. Derek and Emily would regularly find themselves at various lesser-known bars around town. It was tricky, but they couldn't risk a team member running into them. At first, they had felt like teenagers, sneaking out to see each other. But the need to be with one another soon overcame any discomfort they felt regarding the 'correctness' of their conduct. At times the unattainableness of their relationship was what made it so passionate.

Most nights would end in one of their respective apartments. They would take a shower together, letting the hot water and each other relieve the tension in their bodies. Then they would spend the rest of the night wrapped up in each other's arms. Bodies intertwined and hearts racing.

It wasn't a casual thing for them. Beyond the sex, there was a strong need for them to protect each other. And it was in these moments, bare flesh to bare flesh and vulnerable, that they could protect each other. They were in control.

Still, things went slowly from then on, their jobs making it hard for them to invest in a relationship. However, both Prentiss and Morgan found themselves the happiest they had been in a long time.

Emily knew her return wasn't going to be all smiles and hugs. No, too many people had been hurt for that. However, she didn't realize how unprepared she had been to see Derek again. To see his reaction. His face painted in anger and betrayal no matter how hard he tried to conceal it. Emily knew him too well and it killed her. She knew exactly what he must have gone through the past few months.

Still, Emily had never witnessed Derek quite like this before. Conflicted with an intense contradiction of anger and love. And she knew all of it was for her. Part of her held onto hope. A hope that this was just the shock, or that maybe he was angry with someone else. Anyone but her. Not that she believed she didn't deserve his wrath. But as she hugged him and felt his stiff arms awkwardly encase her body she knew everything she needed to know. And the guilt made her feel sick to her stomach.

She pulled back and spoke. "I am so sorry." Her tone was measured as she fought to repress the emotions she was experiencing. There was so much more she wanted to say. She needed to say. But she couldn't. Not while everyone else was here. Derek remained silent, his eyes slightly watering with hot tears.

Eventually, the others dissipated from the room. All needing to take some time by themselves and work through the events of the last hours. The pair stood in silence for an uncomfortable amount of time. Derek studied the carpet as Emily nervously interlaced her fingers. Waiting for him to say something. Anything.

"I thought you were dead." He finally spoke. His voice was much like hers, void of any true emotion. Emily was surprised, fully expecting him to erupt with anger once they were alone.

She pleaded with her brain to find the right thing to say. But what could she say? How would anything she said fix this?

"I know." She replied, her voice despondent.

He anxiously shifted on his feet. There had been months of replaying conversations with Emily in his head, imagining all the things he wanted to say to her, but now he didn't want to talk at all.

"You were gone." He stated plainly, unable to conjure up anything of particular meaning to say. He simply had no energy left for that despite the upset and anger he was feeling.

Emily's heart ached at the thought of him alone these past months. To her knowledge, the team had never learned of their relationship. He would have been grieving for a girlfriend no one knew he had. This particular thought had plagued her mind regularly in Paris. She had desperately wanted to reach out to him. Many letters were written, not destined to be sent. No matter how much she wanted them to be. However, after a while, she began to feel as if this was for the best, him not knowing she was alive. It wasn't like they could ever live a normal life again. Not with him out there. It wouldn't be fair to him.

Doyle had been killed three weeks ago. As expected, he came looking for Declan and Derek was right there, ready to pounce, when the time came. In the end, Derek wasn't the one who put the bullet between Doyle's eyes. That hadn't even been the plan. But Derek couldn't help but watch with glee as the man fought back and then fell dead onto the hardwood floor. Revenge had been served and now Emily could truly be allowed to rest. That was until now.

The week after Doyle's death something had shifted. The pain was still immeasurable and every time he'd close his eyes she would be there waiting. However, the other stuff in the background was beginning to return to normality. Derek Morgan had never thought he would experience 'normal' ever again.

He had gone out with the team for a drink for the first time in months. It wasn't enjoyable, there was a massive hole in all of their lives, but he had done it. He even found himself sitting in a therapist's office on a Monday afternoon. One outside of work where he spoke of their plans for the future. Everything they were going to do together. The life they were building. He cried like never before in those sessions but it was a catharsis that he needed. He thought that maybe one day, with time, life may start to feel bearable again. But most of all he had stopped seeing her dressed in blood and anguish.

And now all of that had come back. And in some ways, it was so much worse.

How would they ever be able to move on from this?

I can't make any promises but I've just about written the second and third chapters so hopefully, I will have those edited and uploaded soon.

Reviews are very appreciated, would love to know if this something people are interested in :)