Lightning huffed quietly to herself, a clear look of annoyance drawn over her face as she scanned the vegetable aisle in the supermarket for the last few items on Serah's list. She had two nearly-full baskets on each arm, and was holding the list out in front of her. Though the list was now wrinkled, it had clearly been written by Lightning's sister, with neat handwriting and little flowers and smileys doodled on it that had been an attempt to cheer Lightning up. Of course, the attempt hadn't landed.

Usually Serah was the one who did the grocery shopping, as Lightning wasn't fond of the crowded supermarket and having to deal with so many families and cheery, bustling people. Her job required her to protect civilians, but that didn't mean she wanted to feel like one. The sight of happy families shopping, chatting, and laughing together put a bad taste in her mouth, reminding her of the incident that had uprooted hers and Serah's lives and left them both orphaned a few years prior. She didn't like to remember that incident, so while she worked for the two of them, Serah often shouldered most of the housework and day-to-day jobs.

Well, that was how it had been before Lightning got put on leave, anyways. She was still bitter about that. Amodar had called her into his office a week ago, a rather serious look on his face. She had instantly felt a sinking sensation of dread; she had a feeling she knew what the talk was going to be about, but she hadn't wanted to admit it.

"Farron, what's going on with you?"

He was met with silence.

"Sergeant. If you talk to me, I can help you. There's clearly something going on, and it's affecting your ability to perform your duties well. You've been increasingly reckless lately. You almost got yourself and one of your trainees killed yesterday. I need you to tell me what's going on if you want to stick around, or I will have to put you on leave so you can take some time and work it out yourself."

Silence.

Amodar let out a heavy sigh and wrote something down on a slip of paper before handing it to her. "You'll be on leave for three weeks. Take that time to work through whatever is going on, Farron. Spend time with your sister, treat it as a vacation. I'll always be here if you decide you want to talk."

She took the form from him and left without a word.

It wasn't that Lightning had wanted to be put on leave. In fact, finding out that she wouldn't be able to work made her sink further into the pit that she was slowly being sucked into; work was her only outlet, the only way she could throw all of her focus into something else and not think about that. But talking about that with Amodar hadn't been something she was willing to do either. She wasn't ready to discuss that with anyone; she wasn't even ready to address it to herself.

Unfortunately, that had all led her to where she was now. Since being put on leave, she'd spent most of the time locked in her room, only coming out for one meal each day and occasionally to shower. When she was out of her room, she was silent, seething. That morning, she'd been ambushed on her way to grab a cup of coffee by a very frustrated Serah, who had shoved the grocery list at her and told her to go out and do the grocery shopping. Lightning's sister had hoped that getting Lightning out and about would help shake her from her funk and, as Serah had put it, "stop her from filling the entire house with her gloom and doom."

Suddenly, Lightning was shaken from her thoughts by the feeling of a person bumping against her backside. Though it was a very small, insignificant action, Lightning felt as though a bucket of ice had been dumped down her back. Whipping around, the baskets clattered from Lightning's arms as they fell to the floor, her muscles seeming to betray her as panic surged through her veins.

"I'm so sorry!" the woman spoke. But it wasn't the kind woman's voice at the supermarket that Lightning heard; it was her voice. "Here, let me help you!" the woman crouched down and started to put Lightning's groceries back into her baskets. But the more she spoke and the closer she got in Lightning's personal space, the more panicked Lightning felt.

"No, please don't, it's fine," Lightning muttered, trying to keep her emotions in check and avoid snapping too harshly at this woman.

"Oh, I really don't mind!" she replied, sending another shiver down Lightning's spine. Standing, she held out one of the baskets to Lightning, and something inside the pinkette snapped.

"Get away from me!" Lightning yelled, her blue eyes wild with electric anger. The woman's eyes widened in shock and hurt as she set the basket down and put her hands in the air, taking a few steps away from the soldier before turning and quickly steering her son away from the pinkette. As the woman hurried away, Lightning found herself crumpling to the ground, gulping for each breath as though she couldn't get enough air. She felt her entire body trembling as she drew her knees into her chest and buried her head in her arms. The supermarket around her felt fuzzy, and she was no longer fully aware of her surroundings or where she was.

Breathe, she tried to tell herself. Just breathe.

"Sis?" a soft, male voice cut through her daze. She knew that voice. And she was not his sister. It was Serah's idiot boyfriend. "Light?" he sounded concerned, his voice growing closer to her. She felt a hand on her shoulder, and her entire body tensed. Didn't he realize he was making it worse?

"I'm fine, Snow," she muttered, not raising her head. "Just leave me alone. Andstop touching me."

He removed his hand, and she found herself slowly raising her head from her arms to look at him. He was kneeling on one knee in front of her, his eyebrows creased together in worry. She felt a mix of annoyance and anger replace the panic she had been feeling; she hated how he was looking at her with pity in his eyes. Had she really become so pitiful?

"Do you need some help?"

"No," Lightning spat, shakily pushing herself to her feet. "You saw nothing. This never happened. Serah will not find out about this if you want to keep dating her and keep all of your limbs. Am I clear?"

"Yup, all clear," Snow replied, standing as well and crossing his arms as he kept looking at her with that concerned look that she hated on his face. "But Light, are you sure you're okay?"

"I said I'm fine," she snapped, before quickly turning on her heel and marching out of the supermarket, leaving the baskets and Serah's list on the ground. She could feel Snow's gaze burning into her back, but she refused to acknowledge it. It was bad enough that she'd had some sort of meltdown in public; but Serah's boyfriend had to be there, too? Talk about shit luck.

Lightning was hardly aware of her surroundings on the drive home, and it was a good thing she knew the roads well since her mind was focused on everything but driving. As she pulled into the parking lot and stepped out of the car, she realized she didn't have the one thing she'd gone out for: the groceries. Shit. How was she going to explain this to Serah?

Heading inside, Lightning tried to close the door as quietly as possible, hoping her sister wouldn't even realize she was home and she could just sneak up to her room and avoid a confrontation. But as the door clicked shut behind her, she heard her sister's voice from the kitchen.

"Claire? Finally! Dinner's almost ready, but I couldn't finish the salad because I need those tomatoes."

Her voice floated closer as she made her way to where Lightning stood. A look of confusion crossed Serah's face when she saw Lightning empty-handed.

"…Where are the groceries?"

"I… uh…"

Suddenly, the door opened again, and Snow came waltzing in with the groceries in tow. Lightning froze as she looked between Snow and Serah, at a loss for words; she didn't know if this made things better or if they complicated them more.

"Here ya go, sis, I got all the groceries on Serah's list, just like you asked. Now will you give us your blessing?"

"Claire, did you seriously pay my boyfriend to go to the supermarket so you wouldn't have to?" Serah asked. Though her words were stern, there was a tinge of amusement to them, and Lightning found herself surprisingly a bit relieved.

"Uh, yeah," she muttered before looking to Snow. "One, not your sister. Two… I'll think about it."

"Hey, I'll take it!" Snow laughed heartily.

"Now that you're here, why don't you stay for dinner?" Serah asked, excitement filling her tone. "I made more than enough!"

Snow looked to Lightning, who was still in a bit of a surprised stupor. Normally, she would've objected to Snow staying for dinner; she thought he was an idiot and that he was too reckless for her sister, running around with the NORA gang and causing all kinds of problems. But she had to admit, she was a bit impressed and just a tiny bit grateful for the fact that he'd saved her from the wrath of her sister and that he'd kept their agreement not to let Serah know about the events at the supermarket so far.

"Is that okay with you?" Serah asked her, and Lightning found herself nodding.

"…Yeah, he can stay." Turning and pointing at Snow, she added, "But don't get a big head. This doesn't mean I like you."

"Awesome!" Snow clapped his hands together happily before he and Serah started making their way to the kitchen. As they walked away, Lightning heard him say to Serah, "I think this means your sister finally likes me. What'd you make for dinner?"

Lightning groaned inwardly as she trailed along behind them; she really hoped she wouldn't come to regret her decision to let him stay. Serah added the tomatoes to the salad and brought the food to the table while Lightning and Snow put the rest of the groceries away, and then the three of them sat down at the table, Serah and Snow sitting as close together as possible while Lightning chose a seat across from them so she could be a bit further away. Though having Snow there wasn't Lightning's favorite thing, she found that having him there ended up being a nice buffer; at the very least, it kept Serah from grilling Lightning with questions she didn't have answers to.

She was able to spend most of the dinner in silence while Snow and Serah chatted, and though Lightning didn't like the guy, she could tell that he was really in love with her sister. Maybe she'd consider giving them her blessing if he didn't royally fuck up in the next… six years or so. She was nearly done eating everything on her plate and was beginning to think she'd get out of dinner without having to talk at all when Serah decided to address her.

"So, Claire, if you weren't at the supermarket all day, what did you do today?"

Lightning froze for a moment before shrugging and looking back down at her plate. "Just drove around."

"That's funny," Serah commented, her eyes glinting in a way that clearly told Lightning, I don't believe you, "because I ran to the pharmacy to grab some shampoo before I started making dinner and I didn't see your car anywhere. Did you not drive your usual loop? I feel like I would've seen you if you had."

"Uh, no," Lightning mumbled, rubbing the back of her neck nervously. "I just – I drove out on the backroads. Thought it would be a nice change of scenery."

"Even with the behemoth attacks lately?" Serah narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "I thought most of those roads were blocked off right now."

Damn it. Lightning gritted her teeth together.

"They, uh, they are. But there are a couple that aren't. And I'm a soldier. I can handle myself."

"Handle yourself against a king behemoth?" Serah challenged. "You're tough, Claire, but even you would need some backup. And you're off duty. Amodar told you to take a vacation. You know, I have a really hard time believing that's what you were actually doing. Seems you didn't think your story through enough. What were you really doing today? And, gods, don't tell me you were backsliding to Na-,"

"Don't speak that name," Lightning hissed, standing up abruptly and grabbing her plate and unfinished dinner harshly off the table. "And how dare you think I'd do something so stupid."

"Wait, Claire, I'm sorry!" Serah called after her. "I shouldn't have pried. I won't ask about it anymore! You didn't even finish your dinner!"

Lightning was no longer listening. Her mind was elsewhere. She dumped the rest of her food in the trash and put her plate in the dishwasher before storming up to her room and slamming the door behind her, locking it with a soft click. Throwing herself down on her bed, Lightning covered her face with her hands, her mind swirling with thoughts that she wanted nothing more than to drown. Rationally, she knew that she shouldn't have gotten so angry with Serah; her sister was just worried about her, and rightfully so. Plus, Serah didn't know the full story. She just thought Lightning and her last girlfriend had had a breakup. Of course, Serah hadn't liked the girl and had thought she was a psychopath, but she didn't know just how far the psychopathy had gone.

But the rational part of Lightning's mind was taking a backseat, its voice drowned out by the unchecked emotions that were raging through Lightning one after the other: anger, fear, panic, sadness, and the scariest one of all, an odd and relatively new sensation of listless emptiness. Tears unwittingly started to flow down Lightning's cheeks as her body was wracked with intense sobs. She hated feeling so weak, but though she tried desperately to stop the torrent of tears, her attempts were all in vain. She cried until it felt like there were no tears left in her to cry, and as the sobbing subsided, so did most of the emotions, leaving her with nothing but a throbbing, perpetual sadness.

She knew Serah would kill her if she saw her leave for the bar; Serah had already hidden all of the alcohol in the house after seeing how Lightning had spent the first week of her leave drowning herself in a constant drunken haze. So, the pinkette left her door locked and quietly opened her window, slipping out as silently as she could. She nimbly scaled down the side of the house before heading down to the beach, where she made her way to Lebreau's, looking forward to a night of drowning her sorrows and not having to deal with anyone she knew except for Lebreau, who had always been good about keeping Lightning's confidentiality, despite her close ties with the NORA gang.

Sitting down at the bar, Lightning watched as Lebreau approached her.

"Whiskey neat?" Lebreau asked, and Lightning nodded wordlessly. She watched as Lebreau poured the drink for her and handed it to her, and Lightning began her routine of downing drink after drink, Lebreau heading over every time the glass was empty and refilling it without even needing to ask; Lightning would simply pay and leave once she'd had enough. She wasn't one to socialize or engage in games at the bar; she came to drink her feelings away and then leave. At least, that was what usually happened.

The feelings bombarding Lightning were beginning to fade into a fuzzy warmth when she was suddenly aware of a woman sitting next to her. The woman was a brunette with striking green eyes. She wore a blue sari and had a red lance strapped to her back. Her muscles were very toned, and Lightning wondered if the woman was a hunter. She certainly wasn't a soldier; Lightning would know if she was. Quickly becoming aware of the fact that she was staring, Lightning snapped her eyes back down to her drink and downed it.

Lebreau made her way over to them, pouring Lightning another glass before turning to the new arrival.

"And what'll you be having, ma'am?" Lebreau asked.

"Whatever the lovely lady next to me is having," the woman said, shooting Lightning a small smirk when the pinkette looked up at her in surprise. Lebreau raised her eyebrows, looking between the two of them in surprise as well, before shrugging and pouring the brunette a glass as well. As she walked away, Lightning found herself looking over to the other woman with a scowl.

"What kind of game are you playing?" she bit at the woman.

"Games? I don't play games," the woman shrugged. "Thought you looked awful lonely, and you're quite a sight for sore eyes. I'm not here to bother ya, though, so if you want me to leave, I'll leave."

Lightning was silent, looking back down at her glass. She was a little surprised at herself for not immediately telling the woman to leave. Something about the brunette felt genuine, and if Lightning was being completely honest with herself… she did feel lonely. She'd just convinced herself that she preferred it that way. Lifting the glass to her lips, she downed yet another.

"Name's Fang, by the way," the woman went on, seeming to take Lightning's silence as indication that she could stick around.

"Lightning," the pinkette muttered in response.

"Nice to meet ya, Lightnin'," Fang said with a smile. "You sure can hold your alcohol," she commented as Lebreau came over and filled Lightning's glass once again. Lightning chuckled bitterly.

"I've had a lot of practice."

Fang frowned, sipping from her own glass. "Any particular reason?"

Lightning eyed her uncertainly, mistrust evident in her features. She'd been burned before, and she wasn't keen on walking straight into flames again. The silence stretched on for a bit, and Fang started to wonder if Lightning was going to respond at all.

"Stops me from feeling," was all she said after a while, shrugging and looking away so she wouldn't have to see yet another pitying look. Instead, her eyes drifted up to one of the televisions behind the bar. Most of them were playing sporting events, but the one she was looking at was the news. The person on the screen was talking about the increasing frequency of the behemoth attacks on the outskirts of town recently, reassuring the civilians that the Guardian Corps and PSICOM were working to quell the attacks and keep everyone safe.

I should be out there helping.

"You a soldier?" Fang asked.

Shit. Had she said that out loud?

"…Yeah," Lightning muttered.

"Not PSICOM, I hope."

"No, definitely not," Lightning replied. "I'm a sergeant in the Guardian Corps. Or, at least, I usually am. They put me on leave. Said to treat it like a vacation. Anyways, I don't agree with PSICOM or their tactics. They're too aggressive and too willing to sacrifice civilians. They're concerned with preventing a war that isn't even brewing right now; the Guardian Corps is concerned with protecting people."

"Ah, so she finally speaks in more than a few words," Fang teased lightly, earning a glare from Lightning. "But I don't disagree. Got some awful bad experiences with PSICOM myself. Glad you're on the right side of things."

Bad experiences with PSICOM. Lightning's hand tightened around her glass, and she couldn't stop it from trembling as she quickly downed its contents and waved Lebreau over for more. She didn't feel completely panicked, but Lightning did feel as though it had suddenly become slightly more difficult to breathe. Fang's eyes caught the way the glass shook as Lightning lifted it, and the way her face paled.

"Hey, Lightnin', you alright?"

"Fine," Lightning mumbled. But she didn't feel even close to fine. It was as though her attempts to take deep breaths and relax herself were only making it harder to calm down. The room around her was spinning, and she realized that for once, she'd lost track of how much she'd had to drink. Another news story flashed across the television screen; it was about PSICOM.

"You don't look fine," Fang commented. "You've had a lot to drink. Come on, I'll help ya get home. You live near here?"

But Lightning didn't hear her. Her eyes were locked onto the screen, unable to drag themselves away. Her hand gripped the glass so hard that it cracked, and she hardly acknowledged Fang prying her fingers from the glass and trying in vain to get her attention. The sound of the television was the only thing she could hear, and it sounded as though it were a surround-sound system, bombarding her from all directions.

"And now," Lightning could see black dots forming in her vision as her breathing became more and more restricted, "a message from distinguished PSICOM director, Jihl Nabaat."

The blonde appeared on the screen.

Fang had deduced by now that Lightning's inability to focus on her was because of her fixation on the screen, but she couldn't figure out why, or what was going on. She spoke a bit louder as she said Lightning's name over and over, gently shaking the pinkette's shoulder and trying to get Lightning's attention without making a scene in front of the entire bar. Suddenly, Lightning's eyes rolled back into her head, and she fell back off of the stool. She would've hit her head had Fang not been there, catching her quickly before she could fall to the ground. Lebreau walked over to them, looking worried, but Fang waved her away.

"It's fine, I've got her," Fang said, leaving payment for both of them on the bar and slinging Lightning's arm over her shoulder as she practically carried the pinkette out of the bar and onto the beach. Once they'd gotten about halfway to the water, Fang gently lowered Lightning to the ground and laid her down on the sand. She had a feeling the pinkette was going to need some help getting home, and she figured the breeze coming off of the sea would help to revive Lightning.

Sure enough, after a few moments of waiting, Lightning groaned weakly, her eyes cracking open as she tried to quickly sit up.

"Whoa, steady," Fang said, putting one hand on Lightning's shoulder to gently push her back toward the ground and another behind the soldier's back in case she fainted again. "If you sit up too fast, you'll get dizzy again. What happened in there? Too much to drink?"

"No," Lightning said, slowly regaining an understanding of where she was and what had happened. "I, uh. I can't –," she choked on her words, feeling tears spring to her eyes. Fuck, no, she thought as she swallowed thickly, forcing the tears to not fall, I won't cry in front of her.

"It's alright," Fang said, "You don't have to tell me. Where do you live? I'll walk you home."

"Why are you helping me?" Lightning asked suddenly. "Why are you being nice to me at all?"

Fang's eyes widened. "Why wouldn't I?" she asked, sounding confused. "We were having a decent conversation in there. You seem like a good person. I wasn't just gonna leave you alone to suffer after we'd been chattin'."

"I don't deserve it," Lightning said, so quietly that Fang wasn't sure she'd heard her correctly.

"What?" Fang asked.

"Forget it," Lightning shook her head. "This was stupid. I always drink alone. I don't know why I let the routine change tonight." Standing up, she seemed to stumble a bit before gathering and steeling herself. "I can get home fine on my own. Sorry I wasn't what you thought I'd be, Fang."

Walking off down the beach, Fang gazed after her, a look of hurt and confusion on her face. But she didn't feel hurt by Lightning's words; rather, she felt hurt for Lightning. If she'd heard the pinkette correctly, that meant she really didn't think she deserved someone's kindness. And Lightning had been what Fang thought she'd be; in fact, she'd been better. Fang didn't know what it was about the soldier, but her chest had fluttered a bit when Lightning had let her stay and chat at the bar. And she found it admirable that Lightning was a member of the Guardian Corps for all of the right reasons.

Heading back into the bar, Fang walked up to Lebreau.

"Lightning alright?" Lebreau asked as she leaned on the bar.

"Yeah, she'll be alright," Fang replied, her eyes drifting to the entrance of the bar as she did so. At least, I hope she will. "Do you have her number, though?"

Lebreau raised her eyebrows with a smirk. "Didn't manage to land it yourself after saving the girl from fainting? Damn, she's cold, huh?"

Fang narrowed her eyes. She shouldn't be taking the subtle dig at Lightning personally, but she nonetheless found that the comment rubbed her the wrong way. "There just wasn't a right time for it," Fang snapped, earning a surprised look from Lebreau.

"Alright, alright," Lebreau said. Grabbing a piece of paper, she scrawled a number on it and handed it to Fang. "You're lucky, I only have her number via the grapevine. She doesn't exactly give it out to a lot of people. Be careful, she might kill you for asking for it. And whatever you do, do not tell her you got it from me. I don't want her to kill me, either."

"You got it. Thanks," Fang said simply as she took the slip of paper and walked out of the bar. She'd worry about Lightning wanting to kill her later; for now, she'd have Vanille's wrath to deal with for getting home so late.

A/N: Part one of three chapters that I'm posting right off the bat! I hope you all are enjoying the story so far!