**I own nothing. Just a short and sweet romance, out of practice and coming back to what I know well to get back into it.
Ten years.
Fiona Phillips stepped out of her Jeep and looked towards the cabin the family had rented for the holiday. Had it really been so long since they had ALL been in the same place at the same time? Oh sure, she made a point to meet up with her mom and Jack a few times a year and Carey and Annie often too… but after everyone had graduated and went off to start families and jobs, there seemed to be fewer and fewer opportunities for the whole Phillips/Bell gang to be able to be together all at once.
But this year the stars had aligned and somehow they all had found the time to spend the holidays together. Every last one of them.
Fi wheeled her suitcase up to the porch and turned the handle, "Ready or not… here we go…"
*****************
Clu Bell clicked on the weather app on his phone as he pushed his cart through the grocery store. He'd arrived at the cabin before anyone else and while his mom and Molly had done a great job of making sure their rental had a fully stocked fridge, he was always of the opinion that more snacks was better. Besides he couldn't stand just waiting around waiting for everyone else to arrive. Waiting for her.
He glanced back at the app on his phone. Colorado was expecting some heavy snowfall, but it looked like it would hold off until long after the rest of the family had made their flight. For tonight, it was just him. Everyone else would start arriving in the next few days.
He threw some cereal into the cart, knowing the kids would appreciate the sugary treats. Remembering the fireplace he grabbed some marshmallows for s'mores and some hot chocolate too. He was going to enjoy being the fun uncle in the coming days.
Maybe, just maybe if he focused his attention on the kids he might just forget he would be spending the first holiday together again with the woman who'd broken his heart.
Fi stepped back and admired the place that would be her home away from home for the next week or so. With everyone coming, her mom and Irene had decided to go all out and rent a cabin with plenty of room… 10 rooms to be exact. She'd already chosen a room and unpacked her suitcase. Now what? According to her mom, Jack would be the first to arrive from Ohio the next day. With 4 kids in tow, she should enjoy the peace and quiet of the mountains while it lasted.
"Alexa, play Holiday music."
She grabbed a blanket and curled up on the couch. Yes, she just needed some peace and quiet…
"Hello?" Fi startled at the sound of the door slamming shut. She glanced at her watch. How long had she been out. Surely, it wasn't time for Jack to arrive yet. She knew she was tired but not that tired.
"Hello, who's here?" The voice repeated again and Fi jumped from her place on the couch. The voice was unmistakable. Before she had time to consider what it meant, she caught sight of him. And God help her, he looked good. Same tanned skin and muscles that showed that he still spent a lot of time outdoors. His hair was a bit shorter, and his face scruffier… but his eyes… oh those blue eyes hadn't changed one bit. And they were staring back at her in shock.
"Fi…"
"Clu…"
"What are you doing here?" They asked in unison. They both started talking at once, clearly unnerved by the impromptu reunion.
Clu held up his hand. "You first."
" I finished the website I was working on early, and thought I'd drive on out a few days early… enjoy some time to myself before everyone got here. I didn't think anyone would be here yet… Mom said…"
" Yeah… I… Well, they overbooked my original flight and asked if I'd be willing to take an earlier one. It all happened so last minute, I didn't tell anyone, I didn't think anyone else would be… it's been awhile."
"It has."
"You look good." Clu could feel the heat rising to his face. Had he really just said that out loud? The surprise on her face suggested he had. Why? It was true though. The last 10 years had been good to her. Sure, he'd seen pictures but they didn't compare to the real thing. She'd long ago let her bangs grow out, and wore her long hair in a more mature style. Her ripped high rise jeans perfectly showed off every curve while her loose cropped sweater made her look effortlessly beautiful. She'd certainly just gotten better with age, but he hadn't meant to admit that to her.
"Um… I…"
"I didn't mean…"
"Clu, about the last time… I…"
"Fi, let's not… okay, it was a long time ago…"
"I know, but…"
"No buts… I brought home dinner. It was just for me, but I suppose I can share. Hungry?" Clu motioned to the kitchen and gave her his best grin, ignoring the rapid beat of his heart. He wasn't sure if he wanted to scream or to kiss her and never stop. Either way, this week was going to be much harder than he imagined. The rest of the family couldn't get there quickly enough.
***************
Fi grinned as she took in the food in front of her. "You got this all for you, huh?"
"Yeah, well… you know how it is… never go to the grocery hungry… And I'm always hungry." Clu grinned and Fi couldn't help but see that same boy that she had known her whole life. Some things certainly never changed.
"Honestly, Clu, I don't know how you still manage to eat like this and look like that…" Fi stopped abruptly realizing what she had said. Just as they'd moved past the awkward greeting. Would the awkwardness never cease?
Clu cleared his throat and stood, "How about some wine?"
"Oh my goodness, yes. Thanks." Fi breathed an audible sigh of relief as Clu filled the glasses and they got back to eating in silence.
"So, uh, did you get everything brought in? I can help if you need…" Clu started.
Fi shook her head taking a sip of her wine. "In and unpacked. I travel light."
"You always have. Which room did you take?" He grabbed a slice of French bread and reached for the butter.
She nodded her head to the right side of the cabin. " The room at the end of the hall. Right side…"
"Furthest away from the bunk rooms…" Clu nodded in understanding. "I see the way you think…"
She laughed. "Right, I mean, I love all the nieces and nephews but…"
"You want to be able to sleep in too. I got it. I'm right next door. Left side." He nodded in understanding.
Fi stilled. "Oh… I can move. If you want."
Clu sighed and Fi could hear the annoyance. Just when it seemed like they might just be able to put their past aside and have a pleasant conversation, the awkwardness crept in reminding them that things were not the same as they had once been. "It's fine, Fi. It's not like… it's just fine."
"I'm sorry, we should really talk this…"
Clu stood up. "No, we shouldn't. There's nothing to talk about. What happened… it was ten years ago. Let's just drop it and move on. I've moved on."
Fi nodded and turned to leave the room. "Good. Fine. Okay. It's been a long day… long drive, you know? I'm going to call it a night. I'll see you in the morning."
She knew she should stay and help clean up the dinner mess, but if she stayed she'd break down and she couldn't afford to lose it now. No, walking away was better. He'd moved on. That was what she had wanted. What she'd needed him to do. So why did it feel like her heart was breaking all over again?
******************
"Maybe I was too harsh with her…" Clu mumbled to himself as he finished up the dishes. The look in Fi's eyes as she fled the room flashed in his mind. She'd clearly been hurt… but why? She'd been the one to leave him, after all. If it weren't for her… he shook his head. No, he wasn't going to go there. Not again. Not tonight.
He glanced out the window and noticed a few flakes of snow beginning to fall. Perhaps they would be getting a bit of a head start on that white Christmas. The kids would be thrilled with that, he'd remembered seeing some sleighs when he'd scope the place out earlier. He'd make sure to get up bright and early in the morning and make sure they were ready for their arrival. Tonight, he was exhausted. It was still early, but seeing Fi had taken more out of him than he'd expected. All the self talk in the world hadn't prepared him for the emotional drain and his bed was calling him.
As he neared the end of the hall he heard the undeniable sound of crying from behind Fi's door. He felt the urge to knock and draw her into his arms. After all this time, all that had happened between them, how could that still be his first instinct? As he reached the door, he hesitated. No, there was nothing that he could do. Walking in that door would only lead to more heartache. Quietly he backed away and into his own room, collapsing on the bed. Tomorrow would be a better day. When the house started to fill up with the rest of their families, they could move past this awkward moment and leave the past buried where it belonged.
Still, as he drifted off to sleep his mind couldn't help but drift back…
*****************
"Don't look now but you're standing under the mistletoe…" Clu grinned from the doorway.
Fi looked up. "Now, however could that have gotten there…?"
Clu pulled her to her feet, wrapping an arm around her waist. "I don't know. Must have been someone tall. But I know how you feel about those holiday traditions… you gotta follow through."
He tipped her chin up and gently kissed her lips, pulling her closer as the kiss intensified.
"Mmm… you're going to get us caught…" Fi laughed as she reluctantly pulled away.
"Eh, what's a few days…" He pulled her close again.
"Clu…"
"I'm just kidding. Everyone else is out. It's just me and you." Clu squeezed her close. "Are you sure you're ready to tell everyone about us on Christmas?"
Fi nodded. "Absolutely. It's time. We agreed when we started this thing that we wouldn't tell everyone until we saw where it was going… but it's time now. I love you, Clu and I'm ready to tell the whole world about it… starting with the family!"
"No! No! No! No! No! NO!" Fi wasn't one to be overly dramatic… but this holiday season just seemed like it was dead set against her. Between the view outside the window and the messages on her phone, this had to be a dream. A Christmas nightmare was more like it. She pinched herself. Nope, not dreaming. She cursed.
Clu burst into the room wearing pajama bottoms and wielding a baseball bat. If the situation weren't so awful, she might have laughed at his disheveled appearance. "What the… Fi? What's going…?"
She pointed to the window, unable to form any thoughts that made any sense.
"What? I thought the major snow wasn't supposed to start until later tonight or tomorrow. That can't be right… Let me check my phone…"
Fi shook her head. " Don't bother. All flights have been cancelled. Every. Last. One."
Clu shook his own head in disbelief. "No."
"We're stuck here. Alone."
Clu grabbed his ringing phone from the kitchen counter. "Hey Carey."
"Hey brother… so I guess your flight was cancelled too, huh? So much for this big holiday shindig…" His brother's voice came across the other end of the line.
He glanced back at Fi who was pacing back and forth in front of the windows before pouring himself a bowl of Lucky Charms. "Not exactly. I ended up getting an earlier flight. I got in yesterday morning."
Carey laughed, "So, snowed in by yourself? Think after all that time in the California sun you can handle it?"
"Well, that's the thing… I'm not exactly alone either." Clu sighed. "Fi also came in yesterday."
The laughter on the other end stopped. "Oh. Well good. It's about time you two worked out your...whatever it is."
"What are you talking about?"
Carey let out a sigh. "Listen, I don't know what happened between the two of you and frankly, I don't care. But don't act like we haven't all noticed that the two of you have avoided being in the same room with one another in years. You were best friends for years, whatever it was… work it out. You're not going anywhere now… make it count. Hey, the kids are starting to wake up so I've got to get going and break the bad news to them… but think about it, okay? And stay safe out there."
Clu set his phone down and looked up to find Fi standing at the other side of the kitchen island watching him. Dressed in Christmas jammies, she looked every bit the part of one of Santa's helpers. He couldn't help but smirk.
She eyed him suspiciously, "What?"
"Nothing. Nice jammies." He held the box of cereal out to her. "Lucky Charms?"
She grabbed a bowl and helped herself. "Sure...so… since we're stuck here…"
"Don't sound so excited."
"Clu, you know what I mean…"
"I do. Go on."
She bit her lower lip, a sure sign of her discomfort. How had they gotten to this point? Being together used to be like second nature, maybe Carey was right, they needed to figure out a way to exist around each other again.
Fi started again, "Since we're stuck here...I thought we should at least make the most of it. Mom said the owners left a tree and some decorations out in the barn for us to put up. I mean, I can do it myself, if you don't want to, but…"
"No, it's fine… I'll help. Someone had to reach the taller branches, right?"
She rolled her eyes and tossed a marshmallow at him.
Clu caught it and popped it into his mouth. "That's a waste of a perfectly good marshmallow you know."
Fi laughed, "With the ten boxes you bought? I think we'll be just fine!"
"What? They're magically delicious. We used to love our cereal on Christmas morning…"
"So we could hurry and see what Santa brought… I know, I know."
"I thought all the kids would appreciate it too." He grinned. "Besides, I know how you are with your traditions…"
"You can't have the holidays without them." Fi finished. "For what it's worth, Clu… I've really missed you…"
Clu stepped back, uncertain what to say. The look in Fi's eyes suggested that she hadn't meant to reveal that truth either. She's missed HIM? He knew he should walk away and let it go, but sometimes his mouth had a mind of it's own. "Yeah, well… you're the one who walked away."
"Merry Christmas, Baby!" Clu swept into Fi's room and swung her into his arms. "Today's the day… don't worry, I snuck up here while everyone was…"
"Clu, I'm not so sure about…" Fi pushed away with a look of uncertainty. "Maybe today isn't the best time…"
Clu studied her face, noticing the red around her eyes. Something was definitely going on. His heart pounded. "Hey, it's okay… let's go on a walk. We'll figure it out."
Twenty minutes later, they found themselves sitting face to face on a large rock in the woods in a park between their houses. They'd played there often as kids, pretending it was everything from a pirate ship to a lookout for spies. As they'd gotten older, they'd had many deep conversations at that very spot.
Clu grabbed Fi's hand and raised it to his lips with a gentle kiss, "What's going on, Fi? You're scaring me."
"I'm sorry, Clu. I just… I don't think I can do this. I don't think we should tell everyone…"
"Hey, is that what this is all about? It's okay… if you're not ready yet. We'll wait. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love you and I want everyone to know it… but I get it, it's on your time. No rush. Or not too much rush anyway. Whatever makes you happy, just don't cry…"
Fi stood up. "No, Clu, you don't understand. I can't. I don't want… I can't do this."
Clu felt his heart pounding faster. What was happening? What did she mean? "You're going to have to spell it out for me here, Fi. What are you trying to say?"
Fi paced around, halting as Clu grabbed her arm. She took a deep breath and looked him straight in the eye. "I'm sorry, Clu. I can't do this, I can't… I don't love you…"
And with that she walked away, leaving his broken heart behind.
**********************
"Can you pass me that box of ornaments?" Fi asked, pointing to a box just out of reach. Clu passed the box along without a word. As had been their normal all day since her accidental admission. Why had she gone and opened her big mouth? Why not just leave well enough alone and just survive these next few days with her heart in one piece? In one piece. Right. Like that was ever even a possibility. Her heart hadn't been in one piece since that Christmas ten years ago. Not that he would ever believe her.
She reached to place another ornament on the tree just as Clu did the same, their hands brushing. The ornament dropped to the ground, shattering. She muttered a curse under her breath.
"This is ridiculous." Clu breathed out under his own breath.
"Excuse me?" Fi could feel the anger rising up. She was doing the best she could to just get along, but he was not going to make this easy. At all.
"Nothing. Forget it." Clu stepped away.
Fi reached for his arm and made a step towards him, as a flash of pain stabbed through her foot. She cried out in pain as she saw she'd stepped onto the broken ornament. Before she could protest she was lifted from her feet and in Clu's arm, racing towards the bathroom. "Clu, put me down. It's just a little cut…"
He sat her on the edge of the tub and started rooting under the sink. "I'm sure there should be a first aid kid under here somewhere… here we go. Just sit still."
"Clu, I can do it myself, really.."
He shot her a look, "Honestly, Fi, for once just let someone else take care of you for one minute, okay?"
"Fine."
"Fine." Clu went to work cleaning up her foot. As he finished wrapping it, he rubbed his finger along the tattoo of the Gaelic phrase along her foot. "What does this mean?"
"What?" Fi pulled her foot away. "Oh, um… loosely translated: the world may end but love and music endure."
Clu nodded and started to turn to leave. He turned back abruptly, catching her off guard as she steadied herself to avoid falling into him. "Why did you leave?"
Fi crossed her arms in front of her. "I thought you said it didn't matter. I thought you said you were over it."
He lowered his lips to hers with a kiss filled with ten years of pain and longing. He stepped away, eyes searching, "I lied… and if you tell me that you didn't feel that, you're lying too. So tell me why…"
"I can't…"
"Yes, you can! Gah, if you weren't so dang stubborn! Did you ever really love me?"
Fi resisted the urge to stomp her foot. "Of course, I do… I did… I did! I.. you don't understand!"
Clu threw his hands up in confusion. " Then explain it to me! Make it make sense!"
"I had to leave you! I couldn't stay and lose you!" Fi shouted the admission as tears streamed down her face. Oh, here it was, the moment he'd realize she'd completely lost it. Ten years and she'd yet to admit out loud what had happened all those years ago. She looked up expecting to see anger and instead just saw confusion.
"What are you talking about?" Clu gestured to the dining room and poured a couple glasses of wine. If they were finally going to get this all out in the open, they might as well get comfortable.
Fi took a sip. "You know the song Love Is Broken? The story behind it?"
Clu nodded. "Yeah, of course."
Fi took a deep breath. "On Christmas Eve, that year… I… it just hit me. There was this overwhelming sense that something was going to happen to you, that you were going to…"
Clu shook his head. "You had a panic attack?"
"No, Clu… this was… I'm not crazy! I could just feel that something awful was going to happen and the idea that something… I loved you too much to stand the thought of living in a world without you in it…"
"How'd that work out for you?"
Fi laughed, though there was no humor to be found. "Miserably."
"Do you ever think that maybe… just maybe… you're so busy looking for the paranormal in life that you mistake it for the normal?"
Fi shook her head, "That's not… I mean, I don't think…"
Clu grabbed her hand. "You were scared, and you panicked. It's normal… but even if it weren't… even if something was going to happen, don't you think you owed me the choice? Don't you think that I would have rather had 5 days with you than these last ten miserable years without you?"
"You don't mean that…"
"Don't I? How do you know? You didn't ask. You decided you knew what was best and you walked. Love isn't about playing it safe. Love is taking risks. It means someone might get hurt. There are no guarantees in this thing."
"I'm so sorry, Clu… I should have told you. I shouldn't have… I should have stayed. I ruined everything. It's no wonder you hate me…"
"I don't hate you…" He leaned closer to look into her eyes. "Try as I might, I could never hate you… I love you."
Fi wiped her eyes. "After everything I've put you through?"
" Even after." He kissed the top of her head. "Do you think that maybe this time, you can just let things happen? Trust that it's going to be okay? Trust me?"
"I can try."
"And if you get scared, don't run. Just come to me, we'll figure it all out."
"Ok."
"Ok."
Clu lifted her chin and kissed her again. This time she returned the kiss, full of hope of what their future could bring. Perhaps it wouldn't be such an awful holiday after all.
***************
"Good morning, beautiful." Clu kissed her forehead and passed her a bowl of cereal.
Oh, how she could get used to this. Sure there were some logistics to be figured out, but for now she would enjoy every minute of it. She glanced out the window. " Hey it looks like the snow has melted some."
"Yeah, pretty weird, huh? Thought for sure it was here to stay awhile." He picked up his ringing phone. "It's Carey. Facetime. Hey, Bro, what's up?"
"Hey Carey!" Fi waved into the camera.
"Morning you two. Hey, looks like you guys are getting along better."
Clu nodded and winked at Fi. "Yeah, uh, I guess we worked through some things."
"Good. So hey, listen… good news. Seems like this snowstorm blew on past as quickly as it blew in. Looks like we're all going to be able to make it in for Christmas after all. Can you believe it?"
"It's a Christmas miracle, daddy!" A small voice declared in the background. "Hi Uncle Clu! Auntie Fi!"
"Hi Libby! Can't wait to see you!" Fi told Carey's youngest daughter.
"Auntie Fi! We met your friend Nick at the school Christmas party!" Libby exclaimed.
"Nick? I don't…" Fi shook her head in confusion.
"Uh-huh. He's one of Santa's helpers, you know. He said he knows you. And he said everyone deserves a gift on Christmas. I asked Santa to make Uncle Clu happy this Christmas… he's always such a grump on Christmas…"
Clu protested, "No I'm not…"
Carey laughed, "Well…"
Libby nodded seriously, "But you look really happy, Uncle Clu… so I think Santa must have gotten the message. Do you think so?"
Clu looked at Fi, her mind racing to catch up with everything she'd just heard. "Yes, Libby. Yes, I think I got my Christmas gift just a little bit early this year."