Summary: It's raining on a bad day. Which means there's really only one thing Ralph can do to turn things around. Time to turn to the Dibny Family Book of Age Old Wisdom.

Notes: Flufftober Oct 15 - Silly Traditions

This started off as just a cute, Ralph goofing off with his crush in the rain story and somehow became a push back against the show's fatphobia... probably because I've been having my own struggles dealing with my own weight lately.

Age Old Traditions

It's not a good day.

Ralph oversleeps his alarm, his coffee maker had apparently died since he'd last used it the morning before, his shower spits out rusty water when the hot water valve switches on, he spends longer than he should arguing with his super over whether a plumber should be summoned or if he just needed to 'run the pipes a bit' (whatever that was supposed to mean), and then he has to shower anyway in the cold water because his hair is an oily mess that morning. Somehow he manages to make the right bus to his office that should, according to the bus schedule, still get him to work with twenty minutes to spare before his eleven o'clock meeting with a perspective client. Instead he squeaks in with barely two minutes ahead of the appointment, still feeling chilled from his shower, and distinctly under-caffeinated.

The meeting doesn't go well, either. It starts with the disdainful glances about his office - which is quite tidy and clean these days, no stray donuts hidden in random drawers and accidentally getting forgotten for a week. Not that he doesn't still pick up donuts on good mornings - which this isn't - or on evenings when he needs comfort food. Which today is rapidly looking like a comfort food day.

He offers a polite handshake, which is declined with a haughty sniff. But Ralph just puts his hand down, plastered a smile he absolutely does not feel on his face, and listens to his potential customer's predicament. Which is, honestly, a boring, run of the mill, 'my man is cheating on me but I need proof' job. His bread and butter, arguably, for all that Ralph finds them ridiculously boring. Then the customer tries to set the price of the job for about a quarter of what its worth.

So Ralph explains his rates. He's accused of highway robbery for something any `high schooler in a photography club could pull off` and the potential client storms out in a huff.

Good riddance.

The day looks up some once he can get lunch, but halfway through a very tasty turkey sandwich, Ralph gets a call from STAR Labs. There's a meta problem - because there's always a meta problem - and Barry's actually taking a day off for a change so Cisco was hoping the two of them could handle it together. Which is cool, even if it means he has to put his lunch on hold.

He'll probably never admit it out loud, but Ralph likes being Cisco's backup better than being Barry's backup. Not as, like, a slight to Barry or anything because being the Flash's backup is super freaking awesome and Ralph is so proud that he's earned Barry's trust and friendship. But Ralph never really feels like Barry needs Ralph's help. Like, sure, Ralph makes it easier but he's... not an equal out on the field. But when the Elongated Man backs up Vibe, he really feels like an equal contributor. Like Cisco really means it when he says he couldn't have done it without Ralph there.

Basically, he feels like the Flash's sidekick... but with Vibe he's a teammate.

So when Cisco opens a breach to STAR Labs, Ralph hurries through to suit up and cheerfully follows Cisco through into danger.

And gets his ass kicked.

They don't have to call in Barry to bail them out or anything, but Cisco winds up doing the heavy lifting and Ralph is reminded rather starkly of just how powerful Cisco really is.

Cisco is pretty and powerful and probably doesn't really need Ralph as his sidekick any more than Barry does.

So Ralph retreats to the locker room to shower off and change back into his regular clothes. And maybe throw himself a little pity party in the process.

"Hey Ralph," Cisco called over the noise of the shower. "You doing okay?"

Ralph could hear the sounds of Cisco messing with the next stall over. Probably planning a shower of his own.

"Yeah, fine. I bounce back, ya know?" he joked even though mostly he just felt... kind of awful. Running a hand through his sudsy wet hair, Ralph felt like a fraud. He wasn't a talented hero and he...

Looking down at his flat stomach, Ralph grimaced because... that was a fraud too. Closing his eyes, Ralph relaxed his control over his appearance. When his eyes opened, his belly was anything but flat. It was round and pudgy and while less... pronounced than before he'd started his hero training, he'd basically plateaued at working it off. There was real muscle underneath, though Ralph could physically alter himself to be as physically strong as he needed to be these days. But the attractive young hero appearance he projected was as fake today as it had been the first time he'd successfully used his powers to alter his appearance.

Heaving a sigh, Ralph stepped back under the spray and washed the suds out of his hair, taking all the dirt and dust from the fight with it.

And then he just stood under the spray for a while after that, probably turning his skin a little pink in the process.

Cisco's shower shut off and he called, "you're not melting yourself under the hot water, are you Ralph?"

"No," Ralph called back automatically. But he shut off the water anyway. "Of course, now I'm worried that's a possibility, so thanks."

"Sorry, man." Cisco tossed Ralph's towel over the top of the shower curtain bar and Ralph snatched it up gratefully, toweling himself off and wrapping it around his waist.

His real waist.

Ralph ought to suck it back in and hide again. He didn't want anyone knowing. But Cisco... wouldn't say anything, right? It was just... Ralph was tired and changing his shape - and holding it - even when it was something small, could be tiring and Ralph was already pretty exhausted from the fight. And maybe a slight headache from how his morning had gone.

Sighing, Ralph yanked open his curtain, deliberately did not check to see where Cisco was, and headed straight for his clothes. Yanked on his clothes as quickly as possible to cover himself up entirely and then slumped onto the nearest bench and contemplated taking the rest of the day off. He had no other clients lined up and no current jobs he needed to work on. He could just... go home, find out the state of his plumbing, and spend the afternoon curled up with a good book or movie. Noir genre, of course. Maybe an Agatha Christie, since those were his favorites.

"You sure you're okay, man? You just seem kind of... down today." Cisco settled down beside Ralph, having also gotten dressed.

"I... my hot water heater was coughing up rust in my shower this morning, my super thinks if I just run the water long enough it'll magically go away, I was almost late to meet with a perspective client who turned out to be a dick and said my rates were ridiculous when I can guarantee you I'm on the cheaper side of Central City's PIs right now, and... I kind of feel like I was useless out there. Also I only had, like, half my lunch and I'm probably a little cranky from not getting a full meal, but at the same time I..." he hunched over a bit more. "I feel like the whole 'turned over a leaf and I'm a whole new, better me' thing is a fraud because I keep using my powers to hide the fact I'm still fat. It just... won't work off and I don't know if that's because it's in my head that my default appearance is donut belly or if it's because I just can't work it off no matter how much I exercise."

"Okay, so there is nothing to be ashamed of for liking donuts," Cisco said. "They're my vice too and it isn't like you're the only one on the team who's got a bit of a squishy tum." Cisco grinned when Ralph snorted. "Talking about myself here, dude. And I know standing next to Barry with his abs you could bounce a quarter off of can be super intimidating sometimes. But there really isn't anything wrong with your body, Ralph. Whether you're emulating how you used to look or letting yourself have a bit of a belly going on there."

"Yeah, well, maybe yours is squishy, but I'm just fat."

"Nothing wrong with that. Bodies are what they are, Ralph. I'm sorry you're feeling so down about yours, but I honestly think you look fine either way. I just wish you felt more comfortable in your own skin." Cisco reached over and took Ralph's hand in his. "I guess there's no entry in the Book of Ralph for how to deal with bad brain days where internalized social bullshit is getting you down?"

Ralph stared at their joined hands, feeling hyperaware of Cisco's touch. "I, uh, not really. Might be, um, something in, uh.. in the Dibny Family Book of Age Old Wisdom."

"Oh, yeah?"

"I dunno. Maybe." Ralph shrugged. "'Tis the wisdom of ages... by which I mean I came by it by way of my mom and grandparents and I wrote it all down in a bunch of notebooks. I started it when i was, like... ten."

"That's adorable," Cisco said with a grin. "Let's check it out. We can swing by your office so you can finish lunch and then close up. It's supposed to start raining soon anyway. So unless there's something you need to do this afternoon..."

"I was thinking of reading some Agatha Christies, actually, so nope. Nothing pressing."

Cisco ducked his head. "Is it bad I've never actually read her stuff?"

Ralph pressed his free hand to his chest in mock shock. "That is a heinous crime, Cisco. Heinous. She is the queen of suspense, the greatest of all authors in detective drama. Even the Doctor from Doctor Who adores her writing."

"I know," Cisco giggled. "Maybe I should read them with you." Then he actually seemed to be nervous as he added, "I mean, if you want company, I could... you know, get my tablet. Hang out at your place? Or mine. Though maybe if a plumber is gonna be at your place... you'd probably want to be there..."

"Actually, I do need to pick up a new coffee maker..." Ralph mused. "Mine died. But, uh, after finding out the state of my plumbing... my apartment's plumbing... I think I'd enjoy a rainy afternoon better pretty much anywhere else."

"Right." Cisco stood up and pulled Ralph with him. "Your office, then coffee maker, then your apartment, and finally my place?"

"O-okay." Maybe today was turning around a little.

"How about I set up the coffee maker while you chat with your super," Cisco offered, taking the box from Ralph with a sweet smile that just...

Ralph blushed. "Thanks." He headed back out and downstairs to the super's apartment. Knocked on the door and steeled himself for another uphill battle.

The door opened and Maxwell glowered at Ralph. "Oh. It's you. Plumber came by while you were out, so I let him into your place. Said the water heater needs replacing."

Which was what Ralph had known and insisted needed to happen. At least it wasn't leaking. "Okay, so when is that happening?"

"Gotta talk to the building owner first. Get a sign off on whatever they're willing to pay for. I'll let you know when I've got a date."

So until then, Ralph couldn't take hot showers. He could only wash dishes in cold water, which ruled out using his dishwasher entirely. Cold wash laundry only.

Maybe if he asked nicely he could crash in one of those furnished rooms at STAR Labs. Not Harry's room, obviously, he still went back and forth between Earth-1 and Earth-2. But there was another room that was set up. Surely that'd be fine...

Ralph smiled politely. "Thanks." The super was an asshole, but Ralph was trying not to give the guy a reason to hate him personally. Generic grumpiness only, please.

Back up the stairs, Ralph let himself into his apartment. "Super has to get the building owner to sign off on what'll probably be the cheapest water heater on the market. So god only knows when I'm getting hot water again."

"You could crash at my place," Cisco offered.

"Really?" Ralph lit up. "Dude, you really are the big hero today."

Cisco laughed and smiled that beautiful grin of his again. "Always glad to help a friend. So what is the age old Dibny family wisdom for a day like today."

"Let's see..." Ralph headed over to the bookshelf and ran his fingers over the old notebooks. The Books of Ralph that he'd written to cheer himself up after bad breakups and losing his job at the CCPD... all the way back to his very first books: The Dibny Family Books of Age Old Wisdom. There were several of those, meticulously updated and reprinted during his college years as he'd pursued a criminal justice degree. He hesitated and then took all three books off the shelf and set them down on his coffee table.

"The first volume of the wisdom of ages," Ralph proclaimed, flipping it open. "Including a few recipes. Grandma's apple pie could cure all ills," Ralph proclaimed, running his fingers over the printed text. His last memory of his grandmother was of making this pie with her.

"Oh, apple pie sounds so good," Cisco leaned in. "What's the recipe?"

"I'll bring it with me to your apartment. We can make it there," Ralph promised. "But I remember there being something specific for bad days during a summer rain..."

They flipped through the pages, full of silly family stories and gardening tips and directions for tea candle heaters and campfire recipes... they ended up somewhere near the middle of the second volume before finally finding the section on bad days.

"When you've had a bad day and there's a warm summer rain, dancing in the rain will wash all your worries and bad feelings away," Cisco read. "Well that sounds fun. We should do it."

"Really? Got any worries to wash away?" Ralph asked, half teasing.

Cisco shrugged. "Today's Cynthia's birthday. I don't regret breaking up with her... we wanted such different things. But at the same time, I do regret it because there was no lack of love there between us. I still love her and..." Cisco sighed. "I wish I could have been there with her today."

"Just because it's a mutual and relatively peaceful breakup doesn't mean it's not a bad breakup," Ralph replied, hooking an arm around Cisco's shoulders. "I'm sorry it's hitting you so hard."

"Thanks." Cisco leaned into Ralph's embrace for a moment. "Well, we're taking these books of wisdom and tasty recipes with us to my place. Gonna pack some stuff up and then we take your car to my place?"

Ralph nodded and stood up, letting Cisco's warmth at his side slip away.

Once Ralph's packed up, they drive over to Cisco's apartment and dropped off his stuff by the couch before Cisco breached them over to a nearby park that had been abandoned by whatever its usual crowd was due to the steady, warm rain.

Cisco grabbed Ralph's hands and, throwing back his head for a laugh, drew Ralph into a lazy waltz. Grinning ridiculously, Ralph let Cisco lead him around. Twirling around in the warm rainwater and giggling like kids as they splashed in the puddles on the sidewalk.

Grandpa Dibny gave good advice. Sure they're soaked through and their clothes are going to need to a pain to get out of with the fabric all clingy and sopping wet. But they laughing and singing random songs that did not match at all with the silent beat they're dancing to and... they were, for the moment anyway, happy and worry free.

They breach straight back to Cisco's bathroom to strip out of their wet clothes before each of them dash - to the bedroom and living room respectively - for warm pajamas to wear.

"I'm going to make some tea," Cisco said as he breezed back into the room with x-wing pajamas on.

"Sounds good." Ralph sneezed and then went for the Kleenex box on the end table, sneezing into the tissue he grabbed. "I think I need something warm to drink," Ralph added with a laugh when his sneeze attack finally stopped.

Cisco grinned and nodded, putting a kettle on the stove. "It'll be ready soon. Aside from the sneezing, feeling any better?"

Ralph nodded. "I do. I still feel frustrated about my water heater and annoyed with the meeting that fell through this morning because that's money I'm not making... and I still don't like how my body looks when I'm not faking..." he gestured to his stomach area, which he'd left as its normal appearance since STAR Labs. "But I still feel better about everything anyway, somehow. So thanks for dancing around out there with me."

"Well, I'm feeling a lot better too. Still wish I could have seen Cynthia today, but... I got to be there for a good friend having a bad day and that's a pretty important thing." Cisco opened up the cabinets. "So, Legend of Zelda mug, Star Trek mug, Flash mug, Star Wars... cute owls..."

"Yolo," Ralph chirped with a grin. "You obviously love owls. I want to use the cute owl mug."

"Alrighty, we have a winner." Cisco pulled out the mug and Ralph ambled over to take a look.

"Those are indeed some cute owls," Ralph agreed. Though he couldn't help but think that Cisco, with his disheveled, damp hair and faded Star Wars pajamas was a lot cuter. But that was something he needed to keep to himself. Though the thought did make Ralph smile just that little bit more.