I push my palms against Clarke's chest, struggling to apply the proper pressure through the tremble in my hands. Come on, Clarke, I plead in my head. Don't leave me, not again, not now. My vision blurs from the blood pounding in my skull, but I barely notice it, shoving harder with every passing second that Clarke's body lies still. "Come on," I say out loud this time, barely a whisper under my erratic breath. "Come on, come on, come on..."
"Bell..." My sister's small but strong hand gently touches my shoulder, and I shove it away.
"No!" I shake my head frantically. "I'm not losing her again! Come on, Clarke, come on!" Pinching her nose, I shove my lips hard against hers and exhale deeply, praying to every god I've never believed in that my breath will become hers.
When I break away to inhale, I think about every moment that I've wanted to touch my lips to hers, every instance where I wished I could cup her head in my hands like I am now, our bodies pressed together. I wanted it when we first landed on earth all those years ago, I longed for it when she chose to stay with Lexa and the Grounders, I wished for it in every moment that I did the same things with Echo on the Ark, and I need it now. I need her now, now and forever.
I return my mouth to hers, my eyes swelling with tears as I release another deep breath. Her tongue doesn't so much as twitch, but I'll be damned before I'll give up. Ignoring the pitying looks of Gabriel and Octavia, I return my hands to her chest and shove even harder than before. "Clarke!" I shout, placing all of my faith in the vague hope that there's still enough activity in her mind to catch my words. "Clarke, I need you! Madi needs you, now wake up!" Please, please, please wake up.
"Bellamy," Octavia repeats, more force in her voice than before. "She's gone."
"No, she's not!" I turn to face my sister, wishing that I could make her understand. She knows I love her, she said so to my face, she just has no idea how much. "Wake up, Clarke, come on!" I apply one last bit of pressure over her heart with my palm before pounding my fist against her chest. "I'm not letting you go! You're a fighter, now get up and fight! Get up and fight!"
Even after beating her chest a second time, her body remains lifeless and unmoving. I again lower my lips to hers, but my resolve runs dry immediately after I exhale. It's pointless. I know it is, I just can't seem to stop, can't allow myself to let her go and live a life without her again.
Lightly stroking her cheek with my thumb, I tighten my lips around hers, silently begging her to forgive me for never doing this while she was alive. I break away to inhale and start over, and then it happens.
A long, desperate gasp for breath.
A violent cough.
A spark of recognition in the beautiful eyes that have haunted my dreams ever since we first stepped foot on that lush green forest together, when the world was new and free and ours for the taking.
"Just breathe," I tell her, refusing to let my relief and excitement get out of control. For all I know, this could be a dream too. But I realize when her frightened gaze meets mine that if this is just a wishful vision created by my mind, then I hope I never wake up from it. "Clarke?"
Too breathless to respond, she throws her arms around me, and I grip her shoulders like they're the only thing keeping me tethered to life. I can't fight back my tears this time, and I wonder vaguely if she can feel them trailing down the back of her shirt as I bury my face in the crook of her neck.
"The head and the heart," she whispers to me after finally catching her breath. The sound of the heart monitor steadying is more beautiful to me than any form of music I've ever heard, and I can only nod in agreement, stifling a sob.
When I've finally composed myself enough to speak, I shift a little closer to her ear, whispering just loud enough for her to hear the words that I've longed to say to her for well past a century now. "I love you, Clarke."
She tightens her grip around me, her arms making the same statement that her tongue quickly proclaims as well: "I love you, too."