Chapter 101

July 22nd, 2024

Jess, Celeste and the kids (including Leo) had made it all the way to Genova that day. The exhaustion from a busy day of driving alternating with a lot of walking, having stopped in Diano Marina and Savona on their way, made getting the kids to bed the easiest job in the world. Leo had retreated to his room as well, two doors down the hall, and was probably just dozing off too as Celeste returned to the hotel room balcony to join Jess with a bottle of Pinot and some glasses.

They'd had a bit of an argument that afternoon, at the same time desperately trying not to huff at each other in front of the kids, but everybody had gotten the gist.

Jess had wanted to stay at some cute bed and breakfast, experience the local, authentic, life, and Celeste had been sceptical to say the least. Celeste had argued that his image of the authentic was flawed, that what he was imagining, some idealized Italian mamma pampering them just because they showed up, didn't actually exist.

It was strange - while they had been together for quite a while by now, but because they'd had Evie so early in the beginning to their relationship, they'd never really gone anywhere far like this, this whole holiday being a first of its kind. Sure, they'd been to the Vineyard and to Beeney, Boston, New York, and a few weeks ago to Paris - places like that, naturally, but they'd never made it anywhere far and unknown. Of course it was a little debatable whether going to Italy was unknown for Celeste, as she had been there on several occasions even if not by car, or rather the van which they'd loaned from the nannies at the estate and offered them their BMW in return, like this time. Even that beach holiday Rory had arranged for everybody for a Christmas present in 2019 had never happened due to Covid. Hence all the typical holiday bickering, especially when travelling without a concrete plan, the latter being Jess' request, was long overdue.

Celeste sank next to Jess onto a blocky lounge chair, putting her feet up on the balcony ledge to ease her aching soles.

Jess just stared at the marina, taking in the setting sun, his mind wandering.

"I didn't want to fight, you know. I'm sorry," Celeste said, getting a feeling he was still a little mad, having put the bottle and glasses on the table between them. They'd eventually ended up in a marina hotel, upper class but fairly nondescript after Celeste's objections and declaration that she just wanted them to pick something trustworhty and expected. Jess had caved in the end - just feeling like he needed to end the discussion. He wasn't good at sitting in that tin can of a van and not having the ability to go cool off. He'd had that time now, since Celeste had taken the kids to dinner, while he'd had a chance to take 'nap' as he'd said it, while actually having just wanted to dine alone in their room.

The sound of her voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

"I know..," Jess exhaled and turned, and unceremoniously screwed the cap off the wine bottle. He poured them both a half a glass, feeling the need to unwind a little.

"It's like…," Celeste began, wanting to explain. "I guess it's like a personal barrier. I just don't feel comfortable in places below a certain level anymore. It's like I imagine the bedlinen to be nasty, scratchy or there being, god.. I don't know bedbugs, a dirty drain with someone's hair in it…," she began, shivering at the thought.

"I doubt they'd be in business if they had those things, that's what reviews are for, you know," Jess replied, raising his eyebrows, staying facing her with his legs on the ground and took a large sip of wine.

"I just..," she began again, but other than saying that she was spoilt, she didn't really find the words. She had a personal standards on how she liked things and she just didn't see why it'd have to be something she had to compromise on. A few years ago with Oliver being a baby it would've been easy to explain by the baby crawling all over the place and wanting it to be spotless, but now that hardly applied. And she knew from working the Dragonfly a bit that hotels were never spotless, at best they just appeared to be. So much for that line of reasoning.

"Remember when you first came to see me in Philly?" Jess asked instead, and took a sip.

"I do," Celeste replied, a hint of longing for those early days showing in her eyes.

"Did you think about all those things then too? The hallway was dirty, dusty, hell there was that smell of moisture in the air downstairs, and my place just had all this furniture, scraped together from pawn shops, auctions and garage sales. It definitely wasn't anything like this," Jess said, gesturing around them at the 4-star hotel. His place in Philly had been a loft place he'd converted to something livable by himself, his first real place.

"I noticed it being… different, but I didn't think about it back then, I was too nervous to think of it, I just… I just wanted you," Celeste admitted. She smiled softly, seeing how Jess had liked hearing that last part at least. She took a little sip.

"I just... it just feels like you've changed. Or maybe you were just putting up a facade, thinking of what I'd appreciate or like before, and like now you've let those barriers down. And I mean, it's fine if you've changed, people do… but I guess I feel a little cheated or something. And no, it's not a big deal, but I guess… It's just made me think about a lot of the decisions we've made in the past," Jess explained.

That stung a little.

"Jess..," Celeste began, turning to face him. "I don't know what this is - but I can just say that I'm not pretending, nor did I pretend back then. But what this might be a part of is just me becoming to terms with my past. I fled it, I wanted to prove to myself and, yes, you too that I wasn't some flaky spoiled chick, that I could do it, which I'm pretty sure you thought I was for a while…. I really did have other priorities. But now - being here, it's like I don't see the reason why I would have to do that. I have the money, I have the opportunity - so why would I need to stay somewhere where I don't feel comfortable. You want to see how local people live - fine - but it's like you forget that there are people here too who are a lot like us, and they don't live in places that are stuck in time," Celeste explained, referring to a place that they'd almost considered.

"Yeah, but my roots…," Jess started to explain his thought, being quite surprised himself that he'd use such a word. "... they wouldn't have been these people. They would've lived in much more humble settings, regular working class - by the little glimpses I know from that past is that they were creative people - so certainly not living in big villas," Jess explained.

"But you don't really know that. Creative people can do fairly well for themselves - hey, maybe they were the Piccassos and Umberto Ecos of their time," Celeste suggested, not really knowing that many Italian authors.

"Successful people didn't usually take the trip across the Atlantic," Jess argued.

"But young people did, people wanting to see the world or have a different kind of success did," Celeste argued in return.

Jess truly didn't know much more about his family that went beyond Jimmy, and Jimmy had never really talked about it much. All he had to go on was the last name. And since Jimmy was not doing that well healthwise he didn't feel like going asking him either. Jess didn't believe Jimmy deserved to have him go see him just because he was dying, not while he had shown no interest in his kids or his life in general. He'd tried that, but that rock was just… lying there, still just as dysfunctional as he had been decades ago.

Sure, he'd googled a little, but he hadn't found much.

"Yeah…," Jess shrugged. He couldn't argue with that.

"You know we could put some money into good use and just get someone, like a genealogist or something. They could even test genetics, look through all the documents… it'd be a non-issue," Celeste offered, unsure why she hadn't thought of it before. She drank her wine.

"Yeah, maybe," Jess replied, feeling like he wanted to figure out what he would in fact do with that information if he did find out.

Jess turned his gaze out to the sea, tuckin his elbow behind his head, leaning back to the lounge chair.

"Did you get around to talking to Rory yesterday?" Celeste asked, knowing that Jess was still anticipating and answer from Rory whether she'd want to edit his next book.

"I didn't, well I kind of tried, but… she's been a little preoccupied," Jess explained.

His mind was already beginning to wonder whether he was better off attempting this alone, but he knew that probably wouldn't be a wise choice. Even big time authors used editors because after some time one stopped noticing one's own mistakes and seeing clearly. But he really didn't feel like looking for a new editor since Lauren died.

"I'm not saying drop the idea, but maybe looking for a new editor wouldn't be such a horrible idea. I mean… you can't just lean on her forever, we can't force her to grab the reigns. Maybe she just needs to figure this one out on her own," Celeste discussed.

"Yeah, maybe..," Jess exhaled, and poured both of them some more wine, the half a glass clearly having been not enough.

If someone had offered Celeste a job or a task when she'd been in a less than ideal place in her mind she wasn't so sure she would've jumped from joy at that thought either. But the truth was, Rory really had been very preoccupied, and largely for good reason. She knew she probably needed to touch base with her at some point, preferably before the holiday was over.

The thought of that - the holiday only having a couple more week left - hit Celeste quite hard, harder than she'd expected. She hoped she could stay in this mindset longer, finding it quite enjoyable. Sure, there were things about Stars Hollow that she missed too - like people coming into the shop to chat, seeing the face of one of their younger readers light up when a new book by their favourite author would come in. She even liked going to Doseys or Lukes and hearing the town gossip. But it was a completely different character she was there, now that she thought about it. Maybe Jess was right - and being here, taking in all that she had learned from here - maybe she had changed? Her brother having died and discovering that the media wasn't really all that interested in her anymore, which needless to say was a relief. There were people that still remembered her, but other than wishing each other well there wasn't a lot more to it.

The two sat there on the balcony, only speaking every now and again, just watching the boats come in and go out of the marina as the sun slowly set, allowing the warm evening to cool. They were both finding themselves, or rather re-finding themselves in this new stage of their lives. Neither had any intention of straying from each other, and they didn't really need to say it out loud even. But they both needed to both define what they wanted and also adjust to what the other wanted. It had never stopped being a balancing act.