"Let's make a baby," Jo said as she walked over to him, offering up everything she had to him.
"What?" Alex paused, truly looking over at her for the first time since he came into the loft.
"You said that you wanted a baby, and you would make an amazing dad," Jo said, she knew that this was what he'd wanted for years now, and if that's what he wanted, she could be ready. "And that's what you're worried about, right, that I'm not all in? But I am. And I love you."
The second her fingers touched his cheek, he pulled away. It was something he had never done before. All the times they had fought before, he had never pulled away from her touch, and him doing so now truly scared her.
"Are you gonna tell me why you won't marry me?" Alex asked again, staring deep into her eyes as if he could read the answer in her face.
"I told you that I love you," Jo said, but when she wouldn't answer him, he just turned away and went back to packing his things. "And that I'm not going anywhere. So isn't that enough? Can't that be enough for you?"
"You know, I was with Mer this morning, and I was thinking, the two of us, we've been through hell. You know, all kinds of drama, crazy family stuff, we both almost died, losing people we love."
"No, you're not losing me," Jo interrupted him, she wanted him to know that he wasn't going to lose her, and she didn't want to lose him.
"The point is, we grew up. Mer and I are grown up," Alex said, turning around to look back at her. "We got through it. And hell is behind me. It's in my rearview mirror, and I'm not going back. I'm done."
"Alex, please," Jo begged him, the last two words rang in her ear and broke her heart in an instant, but she held back the tears. It wasn't the end, it couldn't be.
"I'm not, I'm not, some idiot kid anymore, Jo. I'm a man, and I'm done with games. I'm done with, with crazy. I'm done with losing. I'm done with drama. I don't care about your secrets and your excuses and your drama. You know, I've had that," Alex said, and he was right. He shouldn't have to put up with her drama and her secrets, and she wished she could spare him from it all and tell the truth, but she just couldn't.
"Alex, if we could just," Jo pleaded with him one last time.
"I just said I don't want to do this!" Alex screamed, as he raised his voice, she grew quiet. "I, I have never had one second of anything real my entire life. I want truth. I want, I want a wife and a house and a family! Amelia and, uh, Owen's wedding today, I want that!"
"I can give you family and a home," Jo pleaded, trying to get Alex to say.
"But you won't be my wife?" Alex yelled as he stopped throwing the rest of his clothes in his bag to look at her.
They had fought before, but not like this. He was so angry, but Jo wasn't frightened of him. She was, however, frightened to tell him the truth. She knew he deserved the truth, but she couldn't give it to him. Jo knew what Alex would do to Paul when he found out. She knew because she saw how mad he got when she had shown up on his doorstep after her fight with Myers. She knew that if Paul even looked at her wrong or dared to lay a finger on her, Alex would kill him and she couldn't live with herself if she caused that.
"I, I can't," Jo whispered, her words coming out in a painful breath.
She wanted to explain or at least give him a part of the truth. A part of her was protecting him from his own anger, but another part of her had held the secret for so long and, every time she tried to say it, it was like the words were trapped in her head.
Alex looked so disappointed as he shook his head before he grabbed his bags and left. It broke her, it broke her to see Alex walk away like that. Jo sat down on the bench, held the pillow to her chest as she cried. After everything she had done to get away from Paul, changing her name, leaving behind all of her friends, including the boy who is like a brother to her, and starting over in Seattle. He was still ruining her life and her relationship with Alex.
She had thought about divorcing Paul for the past few months, ever since Alex proposed. She had contacted the lawyer that Arizona had used for her divorce case. Michelle had shown Jo her options and it all seemed easier than Jo realized. She had also dug up Jo's medical history from her time with Paul. With the clear evidence of domestic abuse, Michelle said she could help Jo get an emergency protective order. It would go into effect right away, and then a domestic violence restraining order would protect her during the divorce proceedings and for the rest of her life. Michelle said that because of their separate lives, it would be an easy divorce. She had drafted the papers and sent them over to her, all they had to do was sign them.
Jo didn't know if Paul would make this easy and sign the papers, or if he would drag it out for years, but she wanted to try. She tried to tell herself that with the restraining order and a lawyer on her side, she could do it. Jo wanted Alex to be by her side, but now Alex was gone, and he would be gone for good if she didn't divorce Paul.
She went over to the liquor cabinet. Jo grabbed the bottle of the hardest rum they had and took a swig. It burned her throat as she drank it and Jo took as much as she could before she put the bottle down. If she was going to do this, she needed as much liquid courage as she could get.
Jo made up her mind. She was going to divorce Paul.
She pulled out her phone and called Michelle. Michelle set up an appointment to meet with her the following day and said she would get the ball rolling. She would file the emergency restraining order and finalize the divorce papers that had been sitting in her drawer for months. Michelle assured her that she would have a restraining order against Paul at the end of the day and that she would be protected. Jo thanked her and quickly hung up.
Jo had always kept tabs on Paul just in case. Which was good because she knew that he was in Seattle giving a talk at the University of Washington. The past few days, she had felt trapped in the loft because of it, as she feared he would see her when she was out and about or at the hospital, but now she could divorce him before the weekend was over and Alex would never know. Then she could say yes and marry Alex. They would be happy and Alex would never know. Paul would never ruin his life because of her.
Jo took a deep breath as she looked down at her phone. She was drunk enough to think that this was a good idea and before she knew what she was doing, she had dialed Paul's number. But, of course, he didn't pick up, Paul didn't pick up any strange numbers. Hearing his voicemail was enough to send shivers down her spine, but the liquid courage had given her enough strength to speak and leave him a message.
"Paul, it's me, it's Brooke. I want a divorce. I'm leaving you for good. I found another man and he's wonderful. He's better than you ever were and I want to marry him. So I want a divorce. I'm in Seattle. I work at Grey-Sloan Memorial and I live here. I live at 4196 Cale St. I know you're giving some stupid talk at U-Dub, and I'm sending you the divorce papers, and you are going to sign them. Because you ruined my life enough and you don't get to ruin it any more."
Jo hung up and she smiled. It was like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders and she felt free, freer than when she was driving away from him all those years ago. Finally, she felt truly free.
Then Jo looked around the empty loft. Alex wasn't there, he had left, and she was all alone. Jo sighed, taking another swig of the bottle. Then she texted Stephanie to meet her at Emerald City Bar. Jo needed her friend and there was no way she could spend the rest of this day sober.
"Hey, what are we drinking about?" Stephanie asked, appearing at the bar and sitting next to Jo.
"Alex is gone," Jo said as she leaned against the bar. She was genuinely drunk now and was suddenly second guessing everything that she had done. "I had the love of my life, and I just, pssh, pushed him away, and now he's gone. And I'm doing it, I'm finally doing it, but I already lost Alex, he's gone."
"Okay, this again," Stephanie said as she took a swig of the beer the bartender gave her. "Let's not overstate this. He's just living at Meredith's."
"Steph, you didn't see his face. He's gone," Jo said, looking over Stephanie and seeing her face, Jo suddenly realized what she had said. "Oh, God, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. He's not gone-gone. Kyle is gone-gone."
"Making it worse," Stephanie said as Jo leaned over to put her arm around Stephanie and lean her hand on her shoulder.
Stephanie shook her off and Jo decided to shut up before more words fell out of her mouth. In her endeavor to divorce Paul, it was like all her walls had finally come down. The truth slipped from her tongue like a bar of soap between her fingers.
"He just kept asking me to marry him again and again," Jo said as she picked at the peanut shells on the bar and tried to throw them into the bowl. "I just couldn't say nothing anymore, you know, so I just, I just said no."
"You could've said yes," Stephanie said, taking a sip of her drink and shaking her head as if it was as easy as that.
"I should go home. I need to go home," Jo said, reaching for the bag next to her and getting out.
"What? No, you cannot drive home," Stephanie said, getting up and chasing after her. She tried to grab the bag as Jo turned away from her.
"No, stupid, I'm gonna call. I'm looking for my phone to call a goober," Jo said, looking through the bag and trying to find her phone. "I can't marry him. I want to, but I can't marry anyone."
"Why's that?" Stephanie asked in her rude and sarcastic voice what made Jo realize what she had said.
"Just 'cause, none of your business," Jo yelled, looking back at her.
"Okay," Stephanie said, holding up her hands and leaning back.
"God, where is my. Oh, my God!" Jo paused, and she looked down at the strange purse in her hands. "This isn't even my purse."
Stephanie rolled her eyes and took the purse from Jo's hands, replacing it with Jo's own bag. "Here, just wait, and I'll call us a cab and you can tell me all about why you can't marry Karev."
"I can't marry him because I'm already married," Jo said, the words slipping off her tongue. She guessed she was done hiding the truth.
"Okay, you can't just drop a bomb on me like that and then not say anything else," Stephanie said as they walked into the loft, and Jo stumbled over to the couch before she caught Jo around her waist and led her over to the bed. "Okay, come on, time for bed."
Stephanie left her on the bed and went to grab a cup of water. This was the last thing she wanted it to be doing, but Jo was her best friend, and they were both going through it right now. Cleary Jo had some deep dark secrets and Stephanie would be lying if she said she wasn't immensely curious about it.
"I was living in my car. Did you know that I lived in my car?" Jo said, stumbling over, reaching out to put her hand on the table. It seemed Stephanie couldn't leave her for a second and she reached out to grab Jo again.
"Yes, I know all about your street kid days," Stephanie said, trying to grab ahold of her, but Jo pushed her away, and she was surprisingly strong for a drunk girl.
"And then I met him, and I wasn't living in my car anymore. Everybody loved him, I did," Jo said, undoing the button to her jeans and pulling them down her legs.
"What are you doing?" Stephanie said, putting her hands on her waist and glaring at Jo. Everybody always joked about how drunk people acted like toddlers and Jo was certainly acting like a toddler right now.
"I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go to bed," Jo said as she stumbled over to the bed before apparently changing her mind and leaning against the post. "He never wanted anyone to stop loving him."
Stephanie paused and sat down on the bench at the end of the bed, watching Jo for a moment. Jo had never mentioned anything about past boyfriends, much less a husband. She watched as the tears collected in Jo's eyes as she started to sob and she could sense why Jo had never mentioned him before.
"So if I, I bought the wrong something he would, he would hit me in my face or my stomach. Nobody knew that but me. So, so I ran. I had to make sure he would never find me."
"And if you try to divorce him," Stephanie trailed off, still trying to take in the news of Jo's abusive husband.
"I'm trying to divorce him, but he'll never sign the papers, I'll never be free of him," Jo said, putting both of her hands on Stephanie's shoulders and staring into her eyes.
"Can't you get a restraining order or something?" Stephanie asked, watching Jo pull away from her. "Does Alex know about any of this?"
"No, no, Alex would try and protect me, but he can't. I have to do this on my own. He doesn't even know my real name," Jo said as she stumbled over to the bed.
"You should tell him, he'll understand. Alex is a really good guy. Okay, so we're going to get naked now," Stephanie sighed as Jo unbuttoned her shirt and let it fall to the floor. "Just keep your panties on, okay."
Jo didn't say anything else as Stephanie grabbed onto her waist and pulled her over to the bed. They both ended up stumbling and falling on the bed together and Jo laughed as if it was the funniest thing in the world. Stephanie rolled her eyes and got up to grab the covers. As she looked up, Alex was standing in front of her in a rain soaked suit.
"What's so funny? Alex asked as he smiled and came around to sit next to Jo on the bed.
"We fell," Jo laughed, closing her eyes and pulling the covers over her head, still giggling from underneath them.
Alex looked up at her with a raised eyebrow and Stephanie just shrugged. "She's drunk off her ass."
Alex nodded and put his hand over Jo's back, rubbing up and down as her giggles ended and she seemed to settle in. Stephanie got up and grabbed Jo's shirt from the floor before grabbing her jeans, tossing them both in the hamper.
"You came back," Stephanie said, looking back at Alex.
"Yeah, well, Jo's earned the benefit of the doubt, and whatever reason she has for not marrying me, I love her too much to let her go."
Stephanie nodded, she didn't want to spill Jo's secret, especially now that Alex was back, but she didn't want him to leave Jo again. She saw how messed up Jo was all night and Alex wasn't even dead. Stephanie loved her friend enough not to want to put her through that again.
"She has a good reason for not marrying you. I won't tell you what it is, that's her job, but it's a good reason, and she's trying to make it right," Stephanie said as she folded her hands together.
"Thank you," Alex said, nodding at her before he looked back at Jo and leaned down to kiss a little bit of her head that was still peeking out from under the covers.
Stephanie wobbled as she took another step towards the door, realizing how drunk she was now that she didn't have Jo's drunkenness to compare her sobriety to.
"Do you want to crash here?" Alex offered, taking off his wet jacket and tie. "I'm going to hop in the shower, but I'll take the couch if you want to take the bed."
"Sure," Stephanie said, dropping her purse and kicking off her shoes.
She had slept over at the loft enough times with Jo that this was normal. They would have a girl's night and fall asleep on the bed, and Alex would come in and sleep on the couch. In the morning, he'd make them a hangover cure and waffles and Stephanie loved those waffles. Alex hung up his wet suit and went to take a shower and Stephanie crawled into bed. Jo would still giggle occasionally, but eventually, they both fell asleep.
Jo woke up to the sound of someone banging on the door to the loft. She rolled over to lay on her back and saw Stephanie sleeping soundly beside her. Her best friend had always slept like a log and she would sleep through her alarm if she was tired enough. Jo got up before she went to the hamper and pulled on her shirt.
"Alright, Alex I'm coming," Jo said as the banging continued, despite how late it was she figured Alex had forgotten something. She unlocked the door and pulled it open, but Alex wasn't standing on the other side.
"Hello, Brooke."