This is a version of "I'm Still Here", a song written by Stephen Sondheim for the 1971 musical Follies. This version (by me) is written as if Queen Elizabeth II sang it in 2021 about her life. All events mentioned happened during her reign, except for meeting Philip Mountbatten (the future Prince Philip) which was during the Great Depression in 1934. "Fire at Windsor" refers to the 1992 fire at Windsor Castle. "Sarjeant" is Marcus Sarjeant, who tried to assassinate the Queen. "Fergie's toes" is about the scandal when Sarah Ferguson had her toes sucked or kissed by John Bryan. "Ceaușescus" is about the Ceaușescus (a Romanian dictator and his wife) visiting the Queen, which she did not like. "Suez" is about the Suez crisis. "Lewis" means Christopher John Lewis, who tried to assassinate the Queen. "Pills" refers to Princess Margaret overdosing on sleeping pills.
The lines "Plush velvet sometimes
Sometimes just pretzels and beer, but I'm here
I've stuffed the dailies in my shoes
Strummed ukuleles, sung the blues
Seen all my dreams disappear but I'm here.
I've slept in shanties, guest of the W.P.A., but I'm here
Danced in my scanties
Three bucks a night was the pay, but I'm here
I've stood on bread lines with the best" and "Black sable one day, next day it goes into hock, but I'm here
Top billing Monday, Tuesday, you're touring in stock, but I'm here… Plush velvet sometimes
Sometimes just pretzels and beer, but I'm here" are meant to be metaphorical about good times and bad times, and are unchanged from the original song. There are also other unchanged lines not about specific events.
Work Text:
Good times and bum times, I've seen them all
And, my dear, I'm still here
Plush velvet sometimes
Sometimes just pretzels and beer, but I'm here
I've stuffed the dailies in my shoes
Strummed ukuleles, sung the blues
Seen all my dreams disappear but I'm here.
I've slept in shanties, guest of the W.P.A., but I'm here
Danced in my scanties
Three bucks a night was the pay, but I'm here
I've stood on bread lines with the best
Watched while the headlines did their best
In the depression was I depressed?
Nowhere near, I met Philip Mountbatten and I'm here
I've been through Diana, Charles and Camilla's affair, and I'm here
Fire at Windsor, Sarjeant and the Ceaușescus, and I'm here
I got through Suez, the Great Smog, Prince Andrew's scandal, and bad dogs
Had heebie-jeebies for Michael Fagan, dear
I got through Prince Philip's death, and I'm here
I've gotten through three children's divorces
Gee, that was fun and a half
When you've been through three children's divorces
Anything else is a laugh
I've been through swine flu, I've been through COVID-19, and I'm here.
Cocktails and vino, Lewis, Fergie's toes and pills, and I'm here
Been called evil, an empire's tool, got through it, stinkers, by my rule
I should've gone to an acting school, that seems clear
Still someone said, "She's sincere", so I'm here
Black sable one day, next day it goes into hock, but I'm here
Top billing Monday, Tuesday, you're touring in stock, but I'm here
First you're another blue-eyed vamp
Then someone's mother, then you're camp
Then you career from career to career
I'm almost through my memoirs, and I'm here
I've gotten through, "Hey, lady, aren't you whoozis?
Wow, what a looker you were"
Or better yet, "Sorry, I thought you were whoozis
Whatever happened to her?"
Good times and bum times, I've seen 'em all
And, my dear, I'm still here
Plush velvet sometimes
Sometimes just pretzels and beer, but I'm here
I've run the gamut, A to Z
Three cheers and dammit, C'est la vie
I got through all of last year, and I'm here
Lord knows, at least I was there, and I'm here
Look who's here, I'm still here