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1.
He's had another nightmare.
"Keith? Are you okay?" They've gotten older now, but Katarina still has a habit of sneaking into Keith's room while he's asleep. Usually it's to rummage through his old books to find something to read by candlelight; when they were younger, it was to dig through his toy chest to look for stuffed toys (she liked to sleep with stuffed snakes, which was weird and oddly endearing). "Did I wake you?"
"No, Nee-san. I just had a bad dream."
"Again?" She sets down the candle and lifts up the covers, crawling next to him.
Keith blushes. He turns, furiously red, and tries not to look at her. "Nee-san, I think we may be too old to share a bed."
"Eh? Why not? You're still my cute little brother to me!"
And that's the problem. Keith sighs miserably. He feels Katarina snuggling up against his back. "Nee-san?"
"Keith is nice and warm." Her arms around him tighten. Keith sighs again and rolls onto his back.
Like an overly cuddly puppy, Katarina squirms up against his chest. She bumps her head beneath his chin and buries her face against his neck. Hesitantly, he lifts a hand and lets it hover over her head, before he quietly strokes her hair with his fingertips.
"Keith?"
He can feel her breathing against his nightshirt. "What is it, Nee-san?"
"Were you dreaming of being lonely?"
He was. Keith looks out into the darkness, at the shadows on the wall and the slow turn of the ceiling fan above them. "I was," he admits. Katarina squeezes him.
"I don't ever want you to feel lonely," Katarina says. She rests her elbows on his chest and props herself up to look at him. "So whenever you feel that way, I want you to come get me, okay?"
Their faces are close. If Keith were a braver man, he'd tilt his head up and let their lips brush, kissing her softly and drinking her quiet sigh.
But he doesn't. Katarina snuggles him again, resting the full weight of her body on his chest and hugging him like a body pillow. "Goodnight, Keith!"
"Goodnight, Nee-san," Keith says softly, and gently strokes the tangles of her hair.
xXx
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2.
"Keith! You need to come up here! The view is wonderful!"
Keith looks up. One would think Katarina would have outgrown climbing trees by now, but Keith knows better. He smiles at his Nee-san as she scampers up the tree in her fine blue dress and puffy skirt, grappling the branches and lifting herself up with surprisingly strong arms. "I don't think I can climb that far," Keith says.
"Eh? Really?" Katarina's head pokes out from the leaves. Keith blushes.
"Nee-san. I'm not as adventurous as you."
"It's not that far, Keith! Here, I'll climb down and help you."
Keith blushes. Katarina climbs down and offers him a hand, which Keith takes. Her satin gloves slide against his bare palm; she grunts and pulls them off.
"Nee-san?"
"They're too slippery! I never liked these for climbing anyway," and she tosses the gloves on the ground.
Keith blushes. Her fingers close around his as she pulls him up. Her hands are rough and calloused from farming, her grip firm and strong like a man's as she helps him. Keith's hands, unlike Katarina's, are womanly and soft. The differences between the two of them make him blush.
"There! You see? Look at this view!" Katarina says, as he climbs next to her, sitting on a branch.
"Will this branch hold both of us?"
"Oh definitely! I sit up here with Alan all the time!"
Keith looks away, frowning. Katarina laughs.
"Don't be jealous, Keith! I told you. This is I why I brought you up here! I want to sit with you, too!"
Their shoulders touch. Keith looks out at the village, the clay red rooftops, the tall grasses below them that move with the wind. He looks out at the thin brown line that's the brick wall surrounding the outer limits from where the nobles live. "We're really high," Keith says. Katarina nods.
"Yeah, we really are! Isn't it beautiful, Keith?"
Keith looks up at the blue sky, the tufts of clouds floating serenely across from him. Katarina is leaning forward, one arm wrapped around the tree trunk for balance while her other hand has landed unceremoniously on his leg, and Keith is suddenly all too aware of the warmth of her bare hand on his thigh, feeling its weight and warmth through the fabric.
His sister has always babbled about romance flags, and Keith wonders silently if he were any other man, if she'd consider this one. He looks at her and notices the wisps of hair stirring in the slight breeze, her eyes fixed on the horizon while a small smile sits on her lips. If this were a romance, he would lean forward, kissing the side of her cheek before scooting her closer. He would smile and rest his chin in her hair, leaning her to his chest as they enjoy the view together.
He doesn't. He doesn't have the balance, and when Katarina excitedly jumps and points at the royal carriage coming their way, he pushes back his jealousy that had risen up his chest like bile.
"Maybe Geordo and Alan can climb up here too!"
"I don't think all four of us can fit, Nee-san."
"Oh well. I'm happy sitting here with you."
xXx
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3.
He knows that look. Katarina clutches her stomach, grimacing slightly as a shadow falls over her eyes. "You ate too much," he says. Katarina groans.
"I couldn't help it! It was so yummy!" Her stomach growls and she jumps, clutching her stomach. "Oh no! Keith-"
"Bathroom?" He scans the crowd, then grabs her arm, pulling her out from the ballroom and leading her to the nearest restroom.
The dress she's wearing is more ornate than usual, with fuller, thicker skirts and a corset that took two maids to lace. Katarina runs to the bathroom only to poke her head out in a panic. "Keith!"
Keith jumps. He had been standing guard in case anyone comes. "Nee-san, what is it?"
"I can't get my corset off, Keith!"
"Why do you need your corset off to use the bathroom?!"
"Because it's a one-piece, like a swimsuit, Keith." And before he can stop her she's hiked up her skirts to show him.
"NEE-SAN!" He turns away quickly, covering his eyes. "Nee-san, people can walk down here! Don't show me the inside of your skirt!"
"I need your help, Keith!"
"Okay, okay." Keith glares and blushes. "Turn around."
They walk into the bathroom. The door locks behind them with a click while Keith undoes the stays.
Women's clothing is so much harder. Keith furrows his brow, concentrating on the ribbons, the loop-button closures and the panels of whale bone. Finally the corset opens and he can see the skin of her back expanding. "Oh, thank you Keith! I'm going to pull this down-"
"Not with me in here!" Keith says.
"Can you just wait outside and button me back up?" she asks.
"I guess I'll stand guard," Keith mutters. Katarina smiles.
He takes his perch outside the bathroom door while Katarina does her business. Lesser men would convince themselves she is merely powdering her nose but Katarina is his sister, he knows better.
The sound of flushing and running water alerts him to her finish, and Katarina opens the door, smiling sweetly.
"Can you lace me back up?" she says. Keith nods and steps back into the bathroom.
Is this what it'd be like if we were married? He laces her up, pulling the panels into place. Katarina grunts, leaning over, and Keith smiles at the silly image of himself, her husband, helping her get her corset into place. If they were married he would tease her lovingly about eating too much for her corset, and maybe press a little kiss between her shoulderblades. She would blush at him and turn around, and they would share a little kiss, a husband finding his wife's helplessness at putting on a corset stupidly cute.
"There," Keith says, and Katarina twirls around, her skirts swishing perfectly.
"Ah!" Katarina says. "Thank you, Keith!"
Keith blushes and nods. "You're welcome, Nee-san."
xXx
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4.
She sleeping in his bed again. Keith really needs to put a stop to this, but selfishly he finds comfort in it, holding his sister while he falls asleep.
"Nee-san?"
"Hmm?"
"Don't you think we're getting too old for this?" he asks, as she squirms and rests her leg over his hip. Katarina squeezes him.
"But you're so warm and comfy, Keith."
"They have pillows for that, Nee-san."
"Eh?" She pushes up on her hands. "How do you know about character pillows?"
"Character what?" Sometimes when she talks, it's completely incomprehensible. Katarina screws up her forehead.
"Character pillows, Keith! When you have a body-sized pillow with your favorite character printed on it."
"I'm not sure what you're saying, but I am not a pillow," Keith says. Katarina laughs and bumps her nose into his head.
"I'm not saying you're a pillow, Keith, just that you're comfy like one," and she looks at him like she wants to kiss him, but he knows that's just wishful thinking and that actually she does not. A wave of sadness hits him then, because he realizes she's his Nee-san, she'll never love him.
"Keith?"
"Sorry." He wipes his eyes, smiling.
"Were you feeling lonely?"
"A little," he supplies. She smiles and hugs him.
xXx
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5.
"I need you to be at least a little more aware of me. You're just too defenseless. Didn't I tell you to be more careful?" He leaned closer to her, resting the weight of his body against her hips, their chests touching as he lay on top of her.
"If you walk into a man's room in your sleep clothes at night, you can't complain, no matter what he does to you."
And he kisses her. A small kiss, a little peck on the forehead. He pushes himself upright and throws the shawl over her shoulders, showing her to the door.
Disgusted. Disgusted and angry at himself. He's so ashamed he could cry, shaking with his back pressed against the door.
He wishes he could talk to her. He wants to apologize - Geordo made him do it! How could he get his Nee-san to be aware of him when he already has to dig himself out of the brother-shaped hole he's trapped in while her fiancé has already kissed her several times?!
It's no excuse. He scared her.
The next morning, they ride the carriage back home in silence. Katarina is looking out the window while Keith stares awkwardly at his hands. They're sitting across from each other but they might as well be standing across a vast divide, two people who can never touch, who can never be together.
"Keith?"
Keith looks up. Katarina is watching him with worried eyes.
"Nee-san. I'm sorry." He hangs his head. "I'm sorry for what I did to you last night. "
"Oh, that?" Katarina waves her hand. "It's okay, Keith! I understand, you were just warning me."
"I wasn't-" he runs his hand through his hair. "Nee-san. You just wanted to show me your pajamas, just like siblings do. And I...I almost forced myself on you."
Shame. It rises up from him like sticky tar, suffocating him like those tendrils of dark magic when he had been imprisoned. Katarina smiles and gets up, sitting next to him.
Keith straightens, startled. "Nee-san?"
"You know I don't like seeing you cry, Keith." And he realizes his eyes are wet. He sniffs, wiping his eyes.
"I'm sorry I kissed you." He looks at his hands, which are folded in his lap. Katarina reaches out and covers his hands with her own hand, squeezing him.
Keith looks up at her. "Nee-san?"
"I don't mind that you kissed me, Keith." She smiles at him. "You were hurting from all that dark magic."
He wants to kiss her again. Wants to pull her to him, wants to cry and kiss her hair. He doesn't; he just hangs his head again, letting the tears drip over.
"Oh, Keith!" She pulls him close and kisses him on the head. Keith looks up.
"Nee-san?"
"That's what my Mama did whenever I'd feel bad," she says, and then her eyes widen. "I mean, that's what I'd want a mama to do, Mother would never do something like that-"
Keith laughs. He sniffs and wipes his eyes, hugging her.
"Keith?"
"Thank you." He gives her a little squeeze. "I love you, Nee-san."
Katarina hugs him back. "Love you, too."