Chapter I

General Albert Burkhalter was furious with Colonel Wilhelm Klink.

Colonel Klink ran Stalag XIII the toughest POW camp in Nazi Germany might be packing his luggage and getting a one-way ticket to the nightmarish place: The Russian Front. This nightmare was too real to be true for Colonel Klink.

Colonel Klink didn't know how the V-2 Rocket had blast it way to General Burkhalter's house, but not to England. General Burkhalter's house was in ruin. There was nothing left, but a big mess to clean-up.

The two German officers were inside Colonel Klink's office. Colonel Klink sat on his office's chair and gawked up cowardly at General Burkhalter.

'Well you dummkopf, what do you have to say before I transfer you to the Russian Front?' exclaimed General Burkhalter, towering over Colonel Klink like a storm cloud ready to strike him down.

'B-But, Herr General,' said Colonel Klink, trembling with fear. 'I-I don't know what to say? The V-2 Rocket might have miscalculated before blasting it way to your house. I meant, England. I meant–'

General Burkhalter was red as a beetroot. 'Shut up, Klink! You miscalculated the V-2 Rocket and blast it way to my house! Where am I going to sleep tonight?'

'You can sleep in the VIP quarters tonight, Herr General,' said Colonel Klink generous. 'I'll get Sergeant Schultz prepare a bed for you.'

'Thank you, but no thank you, I rather sleep in my other house at Berlin,' said General Burkhalter gloomy.

'Of course, Herr General, I don't see a problem with that–'

'I have to sleep with my wife, you dummkopf! That's the problem!'

Then the office's door swung open and came in Colonel Robert E. Hogan, Stalag XIII's POW senior officer. He always barged in Colonel Klink's office every-time there was a meeting or a special occasion on.

Colonel Klink and General Burkhalter turned their attention to Colonel Hogan. 'Do come in, Colonel Hogan, what do you want this time?'

Colonel Hogan saluted. 'I'm here to make a complaint of the V-2 Rocket, General. But that can wait after your complaint about your wife.'

Colonel Hogan was in a good mood after he and his men had successfully destroyed the V-2 Rockets under the Germans' noses. It was him who made the V-2 Rocket in Stalag XIII to miscalculate and blast it way to General Burkhalter's house.

'My complaint … My complaint about my wife!' said General Burkhalter. 'I have nothing to complaint about my wife, Colonel Hogan!'

'But, Herr General,' said Colonel Klink. 'Didn't you say that you have to sleep with your wife?'

General Burkhalter scowled at Colonel Klink.

'I know, shut up and listen, Klink,' said Colonel Klink in a low voice.

'Look here,' said General Burkhalter. 'I have a big problem than your little complaints, Colonel Hogan.'

'You got a big problem, General? You need a holiday.'

'I really do want a holiday away from my wife! I suspected my wife had hired someone to watch me like a hawk, possibility a Gestapo. One of my colleagues told me that my wife had hired a Fräulein to spy on me. This Fräulein might be any other Fräuleins who sat on my lap while having drinks at my … house.'

'Well, Herr General,' said Colonel Klink, chuckling quietly. 'You can't trust any Fräuleins lately. I remembered onetime–'

'Shut up, Klink!' snapped General Burkhalter. 'You're another big problem! You had destroyed my house! Well … look on the bright-side. My problems will be over soon. You'll be on your way to the Russian Front. And I don't have to worry about my lousy neighbour's mutt. It had been leaving bombs all over my lawn.'

Colonel Klink went dead silence.

'I didn't know you got a lousy neighbour, General,' said Colonel Hogan curious. 'When can you invite me to your lousy neighbour? I like to meet them.'

'Hogan!' cried Colonel Klink.

'He was talking to me, Klink,' said General Burkhalter.

'What a pleasant way to talk about us, Herr General. We're your lousy neighbour!' answered a feminine voice behind them. It wasn't one of Colonel Klink's secretaries.

Colonel Hogan, Colonel Klink and General Burkhalter spun around to the office's door.

The door was left opened after Colonel Hogan came in. Standing by the opened door were two German adults in theirs mid-twenties and a male German Shepherd. As they entered in Colonel Klink's office; Colonel Hogan, Colonel Klink and General Burkhalter eyeballed down at the German Shepherd.

What a sight he was!

This German Shepherd wasn't like the German Shepherds working in Stalag XIII. His thick coat was silvery white like fresh snow and he wore a black harness. He was a German White Shepherd.

The German White Shepherd sat down magnificent on his hind legs, puffed out his chest and panted away. His auburn eyes looked up to the Fräulein.

'Are there any more complaints, Herr General?' answered the Fräulein coldly, taking off her white fedora and revealing her eyes.

The Fräulein's eyes were large and the coloured deep blue like sapphire. Her brunette hair was short and wavy. Her elegant trench-coat covered her petite figure and it reached down to her tall and shiny black boots. There was a small swastika badge pinned on her black tie.

As for the young male, he wore a superb Lieutenant Heer's uniform, medals on and a handgun holster scrapped around his waist. His figure was slim. He was an inch taller than the Fräulein. He, too, had brunette hair as hers and his eyes were dark brown.

'Your dog isn't allowed in my office, Fräulein,' said Colonel Klink kindly. 'Please, take him out–'

Then General Burkhalter gasped loudly. 'You're Generalfeldmarschall Augustus von Muller's twins' children!' he shouted, pointing his shaking finger at the two German adults.

Colonel Klink gasped and looked surprise. 'Generalfeldmarschall Augustus von Muller's twins' children? Please Fräulein, your dog is allowed in my office! I really like dogs, especially the guard dogs working here in Stalag XIII!'

'Didn't you complaint the four guard dogs that tried to attack you, sir?' said Colonel Hogan.

'Silence!'

General Burkhalter was white like the German White Shepherd's thick coat. He saluted to the twins. 'Heil, Hitler!'

Both the Fräulein and the Lieutenant saluted in silence.

Colonel Hogan and Colonel Klink never seen General Burkhalter this excited since 'The Führer' arrived in Stalag XIII for a surprise visit. But 'The Führer' had turned out to be Sergeant Carter in disguise.

'Begging your pardon, General, who are they? They don't look like the Wilde Twins.' said Colonel Hogan, eyeing at the twins, especially the Fräulein. She was a great German beauty.

'Who are the Wilde Twins?' questioned the Lieutenant.

'Ignore him, Karl,' said the Fräulein. 'I heard that the POWs say weird things if they stay too long in a prison camp.'

'Do I look weird to you, Fräulein?' asked Colonel Hogan.

The Fräulein kneeled down next to her German White Shepherd, ran her fingers through his thick white coat and massaged on his back. The German White Shepherd moaned in delight.

'Nein, but your eyes are too close together,' replied the Fräulein as she cleared her throat. 'Fräulein Elisabeth von Muller and this is my younger twin brother, Lieutenant Charles von Muller.'

'Younger by three hours,' muttered Lieutenant von Muller, crossing his arms.

Fräulein Elisabeth paused massaging on her German White Shepherd's back as she glared up at her twin brother.

'I'm General Burkhalter and this is Ex-Kommandant Klink. He won't be staying here very long. He'll be transferring his way to the Russian Front for destroying my house with the V-2 Rocket.'

Colonel Klink trembled with fear. 'But, Herr General –'

'I've heard enough, Klink!'

'Hi! I'm Colonel Robert E. Hogan, United States Army Air Forces,' said Colonel Hogan, stretching his hand towards Fräulein Elisabeth.

Then, without any warning, the German White Shepherd's bristles went up. He barked savagely at Colonel Hogan. Fräulein Elisabeth grabbed on the German White Shepherd's black harness in time. Colonel Hogan backed away before the German White Shepherd could bite his hand.

Colonel Klink jumped with fright and clutched his chest. General Burkhalter went up on a chair.

'This is Kaiser,' said Fräulein Elisabeth, rubbing behind the German White Shepherd's ear to calm him down. 'Don't come any closer next time, Flyboy. Kaiser will give you a nasty bite and it really hurts.'

Kaiser the German White Shepherd growled quietly and never took his auburn eyes off Colonel Hogan.

'Thanks for telling me,' said Colonel Hogan.

Colonel Klink scoffed. 'Flyboy.'

Then a fourth visitor marched in Colonel Klink's office. It was a man in his late-sixties and he wore a spectacular Field Marshal Heer's uniform.

'Afternoon, gentlemen,' said Field Marshal Augustus von Muller. He saw General Burkhalter still standing on a chair. 'What are you doing on a chair, General? Get down from there! Chairs are for sitting on not standing!'

'Jawohl, Generalfeldmarschall!' responded General Burkhalter, hopping down from the chair and straightening his back.

Colonel Klink stood up as he and General Burkhalter saluted respectfully at Field Marshal von Muller. 'Heil, Hitler!' They answered.

Field Marshal von Muller saluted in silence.

Colonel Hogan studied Field Marshal von Muller. He looked just like Lieutenant von Muller, but older. He had the same dark brown eyes and slim figure as his twin's son. There were some winkles on his face. His hair and his thinned moustache were greyish-brown.

'That's your father?' answered Colonel Hogan to the twins, pointing his finger at Field Marshal von Muller. 'He looks more like your grandpop!'

'Hogan!' snarled Colonel Klink.

Field Marshal von Muller laughed loudly and wiped the tears from his dark eyes. 'I-It's alright, Kommandant! My late wife and I were twenty-one years different. I'll be turning sixty-nine this August and she will be forty-eight this June … if she was here … and speaking of her.'

He turned to his twin's daughter and whispered something to her in Italian. Fraulein Elisabeth responded in perfect Italian. Colonel Klink, General Burkhalter and Lieutenant von Muller, as well, looked baffle and couldn't understand the Italian language.

'Don't mind me. A year, before I was captured here, my buddies and I took time-off and spent most of our time with Italian wine and took Italian's lessons with some Italian girls.'

'Time-off, Flyboy,' said Fräulein Elisabeth, eyeing at Colonel Hogan with great disgust. 'Your buddies are spending most of their time cleaning-up the mess that Mount Vesuvius had eruption two months ago. That's all you got to talk about? Gott! Du machst mich krank!'

Colonel Hogan looked affront by Fräulein Elisabeth's harsh words.

'Elisabeth! Watch your language! We're guests here!' demanded Field Marshal von Muller strictly.

Fräulein Elisabeth placed her white fedora on her head and lowered the brim of her fedora to hide her deep blue eyes. She sat on the nearest chair and just stared to the floor.

Kaiser comforted Fräulein Elisabeth and rested his head on her knee.

Field Marshal von Muller turned to Colonel Hogan. 'Don't mind Elisabeth. She has been like that for seven years after her mother's passing. And she looks just like her. She has her eyes and lungs, too.'

'I bet your late wife was a German beauty, wasn't she, Field Marshal?' said Colonel Hogan.

Field Marshal von Muller nodded. 'The love of my life,' he said.

'May I offer you a drink or something, Fräulein?' asked Colonel Klink. He poured some drinks.

'I would, Klink, I want to raise a toast for you transfer,' said General Burkhalter greedy, grasping his drink and taking small sips.

Fräulein Elisabeth shook her head. 'Nein, Herr Kommandant, but thanks for asking. You know what, Papa? General Burkhalter called Kaiser a mutt and said we are his lousy neighbour.'

General Burkhalter's eyes almost popped out as he spat his drink out and it rained near Fräulein Elisabeth and Kaiser. They dashed away in time.

Field Marshal von Muller turned to General Burkhalter and looked at him with great disgust.

General Burkhalter had begun to sweat. 'I didn't mean to say that, Herr Field Marshal. It had slipped out.'

'Slipped out? I'll show you who your lousy neighbour!' snapped Field Marshal von Muller. His dark eyes were set ablaze. He pointed down at Kaiser. 'This mutt here was given to Elisabeth from her mother seven years ago for Christmas! MY LATE WIFE! Elisabeth took this mutt excellent care for seven years! What do you have to say to Elisabeth, Herr General?'

General Burkhalter walked near Fräulein Elisabeth and Kaiser. Kaiser snarled his long and white fangs at him. General Burkhalter kept his distance from Kaiser.

'I'm sorry, Fräulein,' said General Burkhalter in a low voice.

'Danke, Herr General,' said Fräulein Elisabeth, without looking at him. 'Don't you think you own someone else an apology as well?'

'I'm sorry, Kais–'

'Not Kaiser, Herr General!' snapped Fräulein Elisabeth, looking to Colonel Klink. 'Him!'

'Me, Fräulein …?' said Colonel Klink, pointing his finger at him.

General Burkhalter looked horrid. 'Why would I be apologising to him for? He blew up my house with the V-2 Rocket!'

'The Kommandant did a great job, too,' said Colonel Hogan loudly.

'Hogan, please be quiet,' said Colonel Klink.

'SHUT UP!' roared General Burkhalter at the two colonels. He turned to Fräulein Elisabeth. 'Look, Fräulein. I won't make an apology to this dummkopf.'

'Are you refusing my daughter's request, Herr General?' said Field Marshal von Muller.

'It's alright, Papa,' said Fräulein Elisabeth. 'I'll handle this. I thought you might say that … Hansi. At least your … love-nest is destroyed and you'll have problems rearranging with sixteen Frauleins tonight.'

Colonel Klink stared at General Burkhalter in utmost shock. 'Sixteen Fräuleins,' he whispered.

'Wait a minute! You had just called me, Hansi!' answered General Burkhalter, ignoring Colonel Klink for the first-time. 'My wife had hired you to spy me? Are you a Gestapo?'

Fräulein Elisabeth smiled sly as she and Kaiser began to stride around General Burkhalter like wolves surrounding their prey.

'Why would I be working with the Gestapo, Hansi? I never like their methods. I'm a Private Detective during weekdays and Kaiser is my faithful companion.'

Kaiser barked.

'What do you do during weekends?' asked Colonel Hogan.

'That's nothing of your business, Flyboy,' replied Fräulein Elisabeth, not taking her eyes off General Burkhalter. 'I'll ask the questions and you better answer them, Hansi. This is about the V-2 Rockets. Did you place one of the three V-2 Rockets in Stalag XIII, yes or no?'

'Yes.'

'Did you leave two V-2 Rockets hidden and unguarded before The Underground destroyed them?'

'Yes.'

'And did you accept Herr Kommandant Klink to fire the V-2 Rocket in Stalag XIII and it blast to your house not to England as planned?'

'It's true, Fräulein!' said Colonel Klink suddenly. 'I gave permission to Hansi, I mean General Burkhalter to fire the V-2 Rocket to England. General Burkhalter accepted. After pressing the switch, the V-2 Rocket was going alright, until it changed course to his house. I-I didn't mean to destroy his house! It might have miscalculated or something!'

General Burkhalter scowled at Colonel Klink. He indeed spilled the beans.

'Danke, Herr Kommandant. Well, Hansi. It was 50/50. You took part of destroying your own house by placing the V-2 Rocket in Stalag XIII and giving the switch to Herr Kommandant Klink. You better make an apology to the Kommandant and cancel his one-way ticket to the Russian Front. If you don't, then I'll tell your wife everything about the sixteen Fräuleins!' said Fräulein Elisabeth.

'Isn't that blackmailing?' asked Lieutenant von Muller.

'Quiet, Karl,' said Field Marshal von Muller. 'Elisabeth said she can handle this.'

General Burkhalter didn't have much choice. He realised he caught red-handed by a Fräulein. Not just any Fräulein, Field Marshal von Muller's twin's daughter. She knew everything, including General Burkhalter's weaknesses: His wife the woman he feared and his nickname he loathed.

'If I make an apology to Klink, can you please destroy the list, Fraulein?' said General Burkhalter defected.

'Granted, Herr General,' said Fräulein Elisabeth. 'You do have insurance for your house?'

General Burkhalter ignored that last question. He sighed and turned to Colonel Klink. 'You can continue your post as Kommandant here in Stalag XIII, Klink. I'll cancel your ticket to the Russian Front.'

Colonel Klink smiled brightly like Christmas came early this year for him. 'Danke, Herr General. I'm lucky that I run the toughest POW camp in Germany–'

'You are lucky this time, Klink. You had some help,' said General Burkhalter, eyeing coldly at Fräulein Elisabeth. 'Now, if you all excuse me. I have an important meeting to attend in Berlin.'

'Of course, Herr General,' said Colonel Klink, helping General Burkhalter putting on his jacket. 'An important meeting with your colleagues–'

'No! With my wife!' shouted General Burkhalter.

He stormed out Colonel Klink's office and slammed the door with a bang. He was gone.

There was a moment of quiet. Field Marshal von Muller sighed and checked his watch. 'Well. We better get going. We will visit you another time, Herr Kommandant. Heil Hitler!'

Colonel Klink saluted. 'Heil!'

'Come along, you three.'

Field Marshal von Muller exited Colonel Klink's office. Lieutenant von Muller followed his father. Fräulein Elisabeth was about to left, but she turned back to Colonel Klink.

'And one more thing, Herr Kommandant,' said Fräulein Elisabeth tenderly. 'Keep a sharp eye on your prisoners, especially this one here. He looks like a troublemaker. Auf Wiedersehen! Come Kaiser. Let's go for a walk at Hammelburg Park.'

Kaiser leaped in the air with joy and thrill and he darted out Colonel Klink's office. Fräulein Elisabeth shook her head and walked towards the door. 'Crazy white mutt,' she whispered, shutting the door.

'Well, that took care of the V-2 Rocket and your one-way ticket to the Russian Front, sir,' said Colonel Hogan. 'Sir …? Colonel Klink?'

Colonel Klink stared motionlessly at the closed door.

Colonel Hogan snapped his fingers. 'Hello, anybody here?'

Colonel Klink gasped, blinked his eyes rapidly and returned to reality. 'Wh-What … Were you saying something, Hogan?'

'Never mind, sir,' said Colonel Hogan. 'I'll talk to you later.'

Colonel Hogan saluted and walked his way to the office's door. He was gone after shutting the door.

Colonel Klink was alone in his office. He looked confused. He approached near his small mirror and stared at his own reflection.

'What did you say, Colonel Wilhelm Klink?'