Greetings everyone! With the release of "Kumo desu ga, nani ka?" ideas immediately started flowing. I've been looking forward to this release since I read the web novel, and am hyped about how well the first episode turned out! Now it's time to try my best with a new story! I hope you all enjoy it.
The beginning of this story is dark and depressing and deals with triggering topics. Anyone familiar with my works can probably guess some of the content. This story does deal with depression and suicidal thoughts and actions. I make no guarantees that the beginning is the only point this will be covered.
I haven't abandoned my other works, I just write where I have the will to.
"Hoshikawa-san, your work this week has been unacceptable! Why would you bother even turning in something this sloppy?!" The same story repeats every week, being back in my supervisor's office for allegedly sloppy work. No matter how many times I explain myself it's the same cutting remarks. "This is what is wrong with your generation! You millennials thinking work should slow down just for yourselves, we're a business! We have a bottom line we have to make and you are almost single handedly slowing down production! I feel sorry for your section...I need you to crack down hard, I'm giving you two days to redo this work to my satisfaction or I will have to let you go, this is your last chance and the end of my patience." My supervisor finally loses steam in his rant as my brain runs cold at his words, it is different this week..
"Yes sir." is all I can breathe out as I try to hold it together. I long since gave up trying to explain what actually is happening, and can only try and pull through once again. Sleep will have to wait for tonight if I have to get everything done in two days. Two more days of unpaid overtime should do It probably, assuming Yoshimura and his ilk don't drop the rest of their work on me again so they can get out early for drinks.
I barely registered walking back to my cubicle, staring blankly at my computer as my brain began to catch up with the last hour. With a shaky sigh, and shaky hands I returned to filling out my reports.
"Yo Hoshikawa-san, the rest of us are going out for drinks to celebrate my promotion." I stiffen at the sudden sneering voice behind me and half glare at fifty percent of my problems. "Ahh scary scary~ Don't be that way, you know the drill. Here is the rest of your work for tonight, bye bye~" A fat stack of papers was dropped over the wall onto my keyboard. Yoshimura... A tall brat who has become the ringleader of my troubles the past two years, the companies golden boy. We entered the company around the same time, yet I was the only one treated like the newbie. Hoshikawa, as the newbie you get to buy us coffee, Hoshikawa do this we're too busy...Since day one I've been their mule, and they've gotten away with it so many times that I've given up resisting.
Every friday at the bare minimum they drop their work on me to go drink, despite barely having touched their work for most of the week, leaving me to pick up the pieces of my section. There are five of us in our cubicle section, yet in the end I wind up doing the majority share. When things work out well, its Yoshimura's success, when it flops it lands in my lap just like today.
I felt a few bitter tears leak out as I continued typing, scowling at the screen as I tried to focus on just getting the work done.
I'm not entirely mad at my Supervisor, Yamada-san, he is just doing his job, he is just really bad at seeing the bigger picture, and is really biased against my generation being a bit older just like our manager... From his perspective it seems like I'm dragging my group down, believing my co-worker's complaints about me at the water cooler. Why does he think I'm lazy? I'm here on unpaid overtime almost every day, I haven't taken a sick day in my entire time, or even any of my vacation time! I'm just so exhausted of this... But there isn't much I can do at this point, If I get fired... I'll deal with that if it comes to it, no sense dwelling on it when I have so much work to do.
When my eyes start to blur I know it is time to sleep otherwise the work will just be useless. Looking at the clock in the corner of my screen It was obviously past the time the trains would run. The lights had turned to low power mode in the office and they barely lit up my path to the storage lockers. It was deathly quiet on the way, though I'd long gotten used to the creepiness of it all from nights here prior. Inside of my locker I had prepared for this occasion since it happened often enough.
I prepared for bed as best I could and headed back to my desk. I set up my sleeping bag under the desk. Being only one hundred and forty-five centimetres It was a pretty easy to get comfortable in the smaller space, one of the only benefits of being what people have called me throughout my life... a munchkin. It was already one in the morning, so I set my alarm for five and called it a night, it was all the time I could afford if I wanted to keep my job.
"Why do I bother...Is this going to be my life forever? I think I'd rather..." I mumbled as I quickly dozed off mid sentence. Four blissful hours of not thinking and feeling.
"Shizuku-chan, Its morning, your alarm is going off." I felt a hand rocking me and groaned, cracking my eyes open. Ahh, one of my few good co-workers.
"Erize-chan...Thanks, I must have been more tired than I thought." I mumbled out as I crawled out from under my desk. Okada Erize, one of the good ones here at this black company. Over one hundred and seventy centimetres tall, the darling Onee-chan of the office, and the only other female besides me.
"You really shouldn't work so late you know... I feel like I'll find a corpse under here one day. Take care of yourself okay?" She really was too caring.
"I'll try but...I have too much work to go home normally, just have to grind it out. If I die I doubt it will be under here... Be more likely at the station anyway." I commented darkly and yawned. Okada didn't look relieved in the least, but did set a cup of coffee down for me.
"Please just look out for yourself, Okay? I'm here if you need to talk." She mentioned before heading back to her own work section. Why couldn't I be in the same section as her...If I remember right I overheard some other sections say something like that, but that there would be too much estrogen and nothing would get done. It takes too much energy to be mad at every sexist in the company...
I wish I could at least complain to Okada, but if someone were to overhear she might get some harassment for it. We can't talk much usually without being accused of gossiping anyway, and with my supervisor thinking me to be a lazy millennial it is better to just keep my head down.
Only some of the work staff were in today being a Saturday, yet this is my third Saturday in a row here. Once again it was time for the grind.
I put as much time as I could into my own work as I could to redo the reports that were due, and then started on my co-worker's share. As long as I complete my own work first I should be alright, even if my co-worker's is half finished I shouldn't receive all of the blame...hopefully.
I did as much as I could in the two days I was given and could only turn in the report after a solid thirty six hours of being up. After all that I think a decent lunch is something I can allow myself.
A few blocks away was decent sandwich shop that I enjoyed. Apparently something must have been off about me since a few people were looking my way. I probably looked like a zombie with my rumpled clothes and hair. I hadn't looked in the mirror but I could feel the bags under my eyes. I swear I could hear static by that point.
The worker at the shop, a normally cheerful oji-san, looked at me like something pitiful that crawled out of the gutter. "You doing alright?" It took me a moment to realize he was talking to me after I had paid.
"Yeah, just a bit tired, just busy is all." I was surprised when he handed back five hundred yen and my food. "Oh.. Guess my counting is off today. Thank you, have a nice day." I gave the best smile I could muster and stumbled back out, grimacing at the bright sun. I must not have been paying attention on my way back as I stepped onto the cross walk early. A horn blared in my ear as I turned towards the truck barrelling towards me.
So this is that situation I've heard of? Well if that is the case I don't think I mind much... Just as I thought that I was pulled back and fell on my rear. "Are you alright? You really should head home, you look way too exhausted to be walking around.. Want me to call a taxi?" I felt pretty embarrassed as I stood up, giving a little bow of apology to whoever it was who spoke, I couldn't look at them.. "Sorry, sorry, I need to get back to work!" I stuttered out and quickly began to walk back, ignoring whatever they said afterwards.
I know they were right, but I still had to make sure Yamada-san accepted my work, since he was in the middle of looking through it last I saw. That truck certainly woke me up though, I felt more awake then I had in a few days... I felt my life flash before my eyes, but...There wasn't a whole lot...and the thoughts it brought as I walked back to work that sent ice through my veins; I didn't feel upset that I nearly died, in that moment I had welcomed it...Was I that close to the edge? Is that what people saw?
My appearance seemed to draw more worried glances from people as I walked back to my cubicle with my food. I had finally made it to my desk and sat down, not yet even moving to eat as my thoughts consumed me. Its true that I didn't have much going for me, but I still did work to get where I was, I had graduated top of my class in both high school and college for my Business administration degree. Sure I'm not as far along in my life as I thought I would be at twenty-five, but did I really care that little about my life? I felt scared to think about the answer hanging at the back of my mind. I shivered in my seat as I tried to get my head screwed back on right.
"Hoshikawa!" I heard the yell from across the office and sighed, the cold settling back into my bones from where I had nearly banished it. By his tone my supervisor didn't seem happy. Like a prisoner on my way to an execution I walked towards his office, trying to find where I might have gone wrong in my work this time.
I took a deep breath and knocked on the office door and waited. "Enter." I heard his gruff voice from the other side. I straightened myself up and tried to look more confident then I was.
"Close the door." He said as I entered. I did so before standing in front of his desk and tried to control my breathing while I awaited my fate.
When Yamada-san let out a huge sigh I knew this was not going to go well. When he tossed a packet of print outs in front of me I figured out it was over. "I've given you every chance I can Hoshikawa...If it isn't one thing, it is another."
"S-sir, was there a problem with my report?" I tried to ask, my voice coming out shaky as my vision wobbled.
"With the one I asked you to redo? No it was adequate. What I'm talking about is the work coming out of your group as a whole. I don't know what you are doing but it is not working. I had asked for your group's work Friday, and only now do I get it? It is so terrible it is unusable, It was as if you were drunk while you were writing it! I appreciate how you tried to make up for pulling the group down by taking on their share so they could enjoy an earned weekend, but it's as if you are purposely sabotaging Yoshimura-kun to stop his promotion! Did jealousy addle your brain?! This goes past negligence and bad work ethic! Consider this your last day, no need to give you two weeks." As each word flowed into my ear it felt as if I was being shocked or stabbed. Sabotage?! What is wrong with the people here! I felt tears prickle my eyes as I noted that a security office had entered the room with us.
"Escort Hoshikawa to clean out her belongings." He told the guard who grabbed my shoulder. I let myself get led towards the door as a fury started to smoulder in me. I looked over my shoulder at Yamada and hoped I was glaring, it was hard to tell with the mess of emotions going through me.
"You're wrong...Once things fall apart you figure it out, and it will be your fault." I muttered bitterly as I trudged back to my desk, feeling the stinging stares of my former co-workers as I was escorted. I took an old copy paper box and began to load my few belongings I cared to grab and shoved them haphazardly into it.
"Shizuku-chan! What is this?!" I heard Okada ask. I couldn't look at her as I kept loading, sniffing a bit as I tried to tune out my emotions, breaking down could wait till I got home.
"Yamada-baka fired me. Goodbye Erize-chan, you're the only one I'll miss here." I choke out and quickly try and shuffle past, I don't think I would be able to keep a hold of myself If I listened to her more. I kept my eyes down to not meet the pitying, and sneering looks directed at me. As much as they think this will improve things, I know at least they'll have issues without me, I hope so... I hope the entire company goes under!
My mind stayed blank as I made it to the subway with my box of belongings, getting used to the glances now as everyone recognized the universal symbol of being sacked and gave me a wide berth, as if failure was contagious. As I passed into the platform and waited for my train I was vaguely away of the security guard less than ten feet away, as if he was on guard for something.
Ah... He probably thinks I'll jump in front of the train...Tempting...I'll leave that thought till another day though. It does take some will power as the train pulls up to not do that, but I let the opportunity pass, letting the rest of my trek home pass without much incident.
Once I let myself into my crappy apartment I let myself collapse against the door. As much as I wanted to cry I couldn't let the emotions out...I left my box by the door and stumbled to my bedroom, falling face first onto the brick hard mattress. I would decide what to do the next day, for the time being I let my body decompress and get rest. It didn't take long to fall asleep right there in my work clothes.
Prologue 1 End.