Okay, readers. Here is the 49th chapter of this story.
Now, I really should let all of you know that I've been working on this story for a couple of months or so and production has been slow. From coming up with good ideas to not having a desire to write.
Yes, my burnout has gone beyond burnout and has turned into a lack of interest. Point being made, I haven't had the desire to write this story anymore. Nonetheless, I'm still gonna write this story periodically every chance I get. I'll try to write more chapters as soon as possible.
With that said, we can start this chapter off. In this chapter, practical jokes are pulled in the M*A*S*H 4077, with Andrew being given a role and Margaret getting caught in the crossfire. In addition to that, Margaret learns to pull her practical jokes on the two captains when Andrew helps her with it. And some other wild stuff will take place. How will this all go? Just what kind of practical jokes are gonna be pulled? And how good will Margaret be when she learns to pull her practical jokes on the captains? Read and find out right now!
IN COLONEL BLAKE'S OFFICE - 9:28
It was a new day at the M*A*S*H 4077. It was a fresh morning, and everyone was going about their morning business. In particular, we see Henry in his office with Major Andrew Peterson in there with him. Andrew was talking with the colonel about something, and it had to do with needing something for the Officer's Club since something happened to the other one.
"So as you can see Colonel," Andrew discussed. "It would be a real good idea if we were to have a new jukebox for the Officer's Club. Especially for those who want to listen to smooth records on certain nights."
"You know something Major? That would be a swell idea, especially for the nurses when they get together with some of the doctors, and something had happened to the old one," Henry admitted. "I can have requisition send it over after filling some requisition forms."
"That's good to know," Andrew smiled as Henry stood up. "Because I should let you know that my fiancee wants something jazzy to be played in the Officer's Club."
"Righty-o Major. I'll be sure to have this arrangement taken care of in a jiffy," Henry told him as he headed for the door and opened it up, with Radar entering his office simultaneously. "Radar?!"
"Getting hold of 'em sir," Radar said from behind. "Should hear from requisition shortly."
"Well, that's good to know," Henry remarked. "Glad to see we're in advance of the game."
"Me too sir," Radar commented before heading back into his office.
"Well, I'm glad to see that that's been taken care of," Andrew sighed.
"I think we can all agree on that Major," Henry told him.
Andrew was about to comment on that. But before he could get it out, the door slammed open, and entering was Frank, who had forced Hawkeye and Trapper to come with him to Henry's office.
Judging by his face, it looked like he had some trouble with shaving this morning, and he knew who to blame for that. Approaching Henry's desk with the two captains, Frank decided to gripe.
"Colonel? I'd like to make a complaint!" Frank barked.
"Oh gee," Henry groaned. "Frank, whatever it is, put it on my desk and I'll try to ignore it later."
"Colonel," Frank yelled as he got his attention. "I'll have you know that these two creeps pulled another one of their pervertic jokes on me!"
"Guilty as charged," Hawkeye said snidely.
"We did everything he said we did," Trapper also sounded snide. "So you might as well lock us up, sheriff."
"You two are gonna pay for this. So pipe down," Frank scowled at them before focusing on Henry again. "Colonel, I'm telling you they pulled their usual practical jokes on me!"
"What did they do this time? Stuff your bathrobe pockets with mashed potatoes?" Henry guessed dully.
"What? NO! That happened last week!" Frank shouted. "You should have seen what they did to my shaving cream!"
"Shaving cream? Frank, what did they do with your shaving cream?" Andrew felt like asking.
"Well Major, they stole my shaving cream," Frank told him. "And they replaced it with oatmeal!"
"Oatmeal?" Andrew raised an eyebrow at that.
"Yes! Oatmeal!" Frank admitted. "And I didn't notice it until I started shaving my face!"
"And that's how you cut your face from trying to shave your face with oatmeal," Andrew figured it out.
"Exactly," Frank howled. "Colonel, I demand satisfaction!"
"Oh for Pete's sake Frank," Henry moaned. "Do you want them to be put on report again?"
"I want MORE than that," Frank issued loudly. "I want these two men arrested, effective immediately!"
"Oh for crying out loud Frank," Henry gripped. "You always want them arrested!"
"But this time I mean it," Frank snapped. "Their joke went too far this time, and I want them punished for it!"
"Why don't you follow his example and make us go to bed without supper," Hawkeye suggested jokingly.
"I think they might make us eat the mess tent dreck as punishment instead," Trapper deadpanned.
"Okay, let's knock it off," Henry remarked. "We are a medical unit, people. I don't see why we have to continue this discussion any further. As the old saying goes; to forgive and forget."
"You might be able to forgive and forget Colonel, but I'm not," Frank told him bluntly.
"Now hold on. There's no need to get all excited over something so silly," Andrew said calmly. "I don't see why we shouldn't settle this diplomatically."
"Good idea Andrew," Hawkeye faced Frank. "Alright Frank, let's shake hands. Then you go into your corner, and when the bell rings, I'll come over and beat your brains out."
Andrew had to slam his palm onto his face, seeing that this wasn't working. He was heard grumbling under his breath as he shook his head.
"Colonel, I'm warning you. I want something done about this," Frank sneered. "Either you do something to keep these two under tent arrest, or you'll be forcing me to go over your head again."
"Oh..." Henry groaned. "Well Frank, you've done that so many times, I've lost count as to how many athletes' scalp I got from you doing it..."
"I happen to be serious this time Colonel," Frank warned. "Either you do something about it, or I'll do something about it. It's your choice. Good day, sir."
After giving him one last glare, Frank turned around and marched right out of the office, leaving Hawkeye and Trapper behind with Henry and Andrew. As soon as he was gone, they spent the next moment thinking about what had just happened. In Henry's case, he didn't want to deal with Frank's GI crud.
"I don't mind telling you guys, but I don't know what to do about him," Henry complained.
"Well Colonel, seeing that the two captains did cause this, I think it's right for them to be given a suitable punishment," Andrew sighed. "What do you two think is a suitable punishment?"
"I dunno," Hawkeye shrugged casually. "Why don't show one of those movies in the mess starring Arlene Dahl, such as The Bride Goes Wild or A Southern Yankee or something like that?"
"If you ask me, I was thinking that we'd go and see the Ritz Brothers," Trapper suggested sarcastically.
"One thing I do know for sure is that if I don't do something about it, my butt is gonna be put into the sling," Henry murmured.
"Listen Captains Pierce and McIntyre. Do me a favor and don't pull any more practical jokes on Frank. This is like what? The seventh time this week?"
"So what? It's not our fault that Frank makes a perfect pigeon," Hawkeye defended.
"He's a better target than the rats and cockroaches that reside in a dump like this," Trapper added.
"Just lay off of Frank and stop pranking him," Andrew deadpanned in annoyance. "Maybe if we're lucky, Frank might reconsider filing charges against you two."
"Henry, what do you think?" Hawkeye queried.
"Now look, you two leave me out of this," Henry told them. "Whatever it is your planning to do, I want no part of it."
"Right Henry. Because we don't want to drag you into any of our messes," Hawkeye scoffed.
"Alright," Andrew got them to stop. "Just lay off of Frank with the practical jokes you two. Am I understood?"
"Right Andrew," Hawkeye rolled his eyes. "Then when Humphrey Bogart or Ingrid Bergman is in town, don't come to us for advice."
"You know something Hawk? Our little jokes might end up on The Ed Sullivan Show if this keeps up," Trapper huffed. "Besides, we could always watch Frank cut the ingrown toenail into malpractice."
"That's true Trap," Hawkeye sighed. "If any of you need me, I'll be in the Swamp, drowning my sorrows away."
"Save a spot for me buster," Trapper told him. "Because I could use a belt too."
"Fair enough. We'll drown our sorrows together," Hawkeye declared. "Now what do you say that we check out the Swamp and see if they're open."
"I thought you knew," Trapper said as they started to walk out. "After all, we run the joint."
"Well, why don't we check it out? Then we'll both know," Hawkeye queried.
"That's the best idea that I've heard come out of your mouth in months," Trapper complimented.
Whatever was discussed next was shown outside the office, for they had left before Andrew could hear what they were talking about. As soon as they were gone, Andrew turned around to face Henry and shrugged.
"Honestly Colonel, I just don't know what we're gonna do about them," Andrew remarked.
"If you ask me, Major, if those two weren't such fine surgeons, they would've been in the stockade by now," Henry admitted.
"Yeah," Andrew sighed. "We'll just have to see how things go from here."
"Don't I know it?" Henry groaned.
They said nothing else as they were shown thinking about what to do now. At the moment, there weren't many options. They could only wonder if more practical jokes will be pulled by those two Captains. They had no idea what was going to happen later on today...
The day pressed on as if nothing happened. Hawkeye and Trapper were bored out of their minds, as they were wondering what there is to do around the compound, and if they could find something that would get their best interest. Needless to say, that was easier said than done.
"Well, Trap? What do you think we should do?" Hawkeye asked him.
"I dunno," Trapper shrugged. "I was hoping that you'd know."
"Well...we could always watch the 'cockroach race'," Hawkeye suggested dryly. "But we have plenty of that already as it is."
"That and the rats," Trapper retorted. "Especially since both love digging through the trash. Not that it matters, since this place is a dumping ground."
"That's true," Hawkeye sighed. "I just have to wonder what it is we can do to overcome our boredom and pass the time away."
"Me too," Trapper yawned. "But what is it that we can do?"
Hawkeye was unable to say anything as he spent the next minute or so thinking about a possible solution to their boredom. Suddenly, his gaze caught the attention of Margaret walking to her tent in her pink bathrobe. It's as if she was getting ready to take a shower in the mess tent.
"Hey, Trapper? Don't look now, but I just saw Major Houlihan head into her tent," Hawkeye pointed.
"Hot Lips? Ha! What's so interesting about that?" Trapper wondered. "Her lips are quite hot and she has a gorgeous figure, but I don't see what that has to do with anything."
"Well for one, she looked like she's getting ready to hit the showers," Hawkeye said.
"Yeah, so what," Trapper scoffed. "I can check out the nurses' shower anytime, anyplace."
"I know that," Hawkeye then pressed on. "But what I'm saying is that Margaret is a little overdue for a little practical joke that we could pull on her."
"Now you're catching my attention Hawk," Trapper looked at him. "I can't remember the last time we pulled something on Margaret."
"I think it was when she was still with Frank and not with Andrew," Hawkeye took a guess.
"That makes sense," Trapper said. "So what kind of practical joke should we pull on her today?"
"Well, seeing that she's heading for the shower tent, and since it's a joke that I've been wanting to pull for a while, I think I might have a perfect idea." Hawkeye mused.
"All right. Care to share it with me?" Trapper insisted.
"You tell me. Then we'll both know," Hawkeye said dryly.
"I dunno, but from the mischievous look on your face, I say it's something pervertic," Trapper had to smirk at that.
"You knew what I was thinking all along Trap," Hawkeye remarked. "So here's what we'll do. First, we'll grab a rope. And then we..."
Hawkeye leaned over and whispered the rest of the plan into Trapper's ear. By the time he was finished, Trapper was quite bemused by this and looked over towards him.
"Wow. Hawkeye, are you sure about that," Trapper queried. "Do you think we should do it?"
"Well, what have we got to lose," Hawkeye shrugged. "Besides, I've waited a long time to pull something like this, and I'm not gonna let it pass me by."
"If you say so," Trapper went along with it. "I must say though, the whole camp is gonna be given a very erotic display of Hot Lips."
"I'll say. I'm already feeling naughty just from thinking of it," Hawkeye smirked. "Now come on, let's get things set up."
"I'm right behind you, pal," Trapper grinned as the two pervertic captains walked away to pull off what happens to be their latest practical joke on Margaret.
But what they didn't know was that the little joke they were gonna pull was gonna come with some consequences. And it wasn't gonna be from a court-martial either. No, it was gonna form out of revenge. It's not gonna be a pretty sight, that's for sure...
Sometime later, we see Margaret stepping out of her tent, wearing her bathrobe with a green towel draped around her shoulders. She was making her way to the shower tent intending to get her shower out of the way.
Keeping that firm expression on her face, she opened the door into the shower tent and then closed it behind her. Moments later, the shower water was heard running. And that meant Margaret had begun her shower. She had no idea about what was going to happen to her, but she would find out in a matter of seconds.
Outside, Hawkeye and Trapper had heard the shower running and seen Margaret step in there, meaning now was their chance to pull it off. With one end of the rope tied to a loop on the canvas that was keeping it held together and the other end in the captains' tight grip, they were ready to pull on the rope and remove the canvas from the tent.
Seeing this as their cue, they gave the rope a firm pull, and after several yanks, the canvas came straight off with the rope. The canvas fell onto the ground with the other end of the rope, all wrinkled and whatnot. It was at this point where the shower tent has been exposed, meaning that people could now see Margaret taking a shower in the open.
And just as it was planned, several of the doctors caught sight of Margaret taking a shower and they started letting out wolf whistles, catcalls, and other pervertic noises that you can think of. At first, this got Margaret a little confused, curious even as she wondered what the fuss was with the doctors this time.
That's strange. Why are the doctors acting like they've seen a hussie all of a sudden? And why do I feel a slight breeze in here outside of the running water? Margaret thought as he eyes were closed this whole time. Wait a minute...
It was then her eyes shot open when she realized one thing; the canvas was yanked off. And that meant that the shower tent could be seen by everyone. And of course, that means Margaret was exposed for all the doctors to see.
And to her complete horror, she saw the doctors looking at her with pervertic smiles like they'd seen a sideshow attraction. The ogling looks in their eyes, along with the wolf whistles and catcalls coming out of their mouths said it all.
"AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" She let out a shrill scream before grabbing the nearest towel and covering her body with it from the chest down. "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!?"
Her question was quickly answered when she heard Hawkeye and Trapper laughing at what they've done. A moment ago, she had a horrified look on her face. But since she found out that they were responsible, anger took its place as she furrowed her eyebrows, gritted her teeth, and growled at them.
"You...You...YOU WEASELS!" Margaret sneered at them, getting their attention.
"Woah, easy Margaret," Hawkeye had his hands up. "It's just a joke. No need to get so worked up about it."
"You animals," Margaret snarled as she put her bathrobe on and started hitting the two captains with her scrub brush. "You perverts! How dare you allow the rest of this pervertic infested compound ogle at my body when I'm taking a shower no less like I'm a sideshow attraction!?"
"Relax," Trapper yelped as he and Hawkeye were pelted by that brush. "It was just a harmless joke."
"Harmless!? This is beyond funny buster," Margaret snapped. "You two are a couple of beasts for exposing an innocent young girl who is indecent for your pervertic pleasure."
"Ow! Ow! Quit hitting us, Margaret!" Hawkeye grunted. "Ow! That hurts!"
"You're tellin' me, Hawk!" Trapper yelled. "She's furious with us!"
"YOU ANIMALS! PERVERTS! BEASTS! SCOUNDRELS! SICKOS! DEGENERATES!" Margaret howled as she continued to hit them with her brush.
Hawkeye and Trapper could only crouch and move as she continued to hit them, while everyone else watched her do this, still ogling at how they saw her body just moments prior.
Eventually, this came to a halt when Andrew came out of his tent and decided to intervene. He had overheard some yelling, and because he didn't hear what was being said, he felt obligated to get to the bottom of it.
"Alright! Alright!" Andrew yelled, getting her to stop. "What's going on here?"
"You should have seen what these two perverts have done," Margaret yelled. "These animals pulled the canvas off the shower tent and expose my indecent body while I was showering just to satisfy the pervertic minds that reside in this camp!"
"What," Andrew said in hushed shock as he face the captains. "Is that true Captains?"
"Well in our defense, we wanted to do something to do, and this is what we came up with," Hawkeye defended. "Besides, we've been wondering what Margaret's body looked like when she was taking a shower naked."
"And from what was shown to us, we liked what we saw," Trapper gave her that smirk.
"You creeps," Margaret lashed out, hitting Trapper with that brush. "I'll teach you to try to expose an innocent woman when she is showering!"
"Ow! Margaret! Don't get fresh with us on a first date!" Hawkeye told her. "It's not that time of the month yet!"
Margaret didn't comment on that as she hit him with the brush once again. Seeing that this was getting out of hand, Andrew had to step in and take a reasonable approach to put a stop to this.
"Alright! That's enough!" Andrew yelled before looking at Margaret. "Margaret? Go back to your tent and get yourself into some fresh clothes. I'll be in there to talk with you in a few minutes. Okay?"
Margaret let out a heavy sigh as she backed away from the captains. "Okay, Andrew. But only because you stepped in before I could beat these captains to a pulp."
"Right," Andrew said sheepishly as Margaret gave the captains one last sharp glare before heading back to her tent.
It was then Andrew looked towards two corpsmen who witnessed the whole thing and pointed at them.
"You two," he commanded. "Take this canvas and get it back over the shower tent like it was before. And get some extra help if you have to!"
"Yes sir," the two corpsmen obliged as they got some extra help with taking care of the canvas.
"And the rest of you go back to your usual business," Andrew told everyone else who witnessed what happened. "There's nothing else to see here. So move along people! And go back to your respective details!"
The crowd didn't argue as they dispersed and went back to doing what they were doing before, which resulted in Andrew letting out a sigh. He then turned to face the captains with furrowed eyebrows.
"And as for you two, I want the both of you in my tent on the double," Andrew ordered sharply.
"Can we get a minute to settle down after what happened?" Hawkeye wondered, but Andrew was having none of that.
"Now, Pierce and McIntyre!" Andrew's voice was growing angrier by the second, meaning this was not a good time to defy his command.
Before either of them could say anything about it, Andrew, who had lost most of his patience with them, had to grab them by the wrist and forcefully drag them to his tent by himself. He was going to give them quite a talk when they get to his tent...
In a matter of seconds, they were in Andrew's tent, in which he opened the door and dragged them into the tent, before slamming the door behind him. As soon as he made sure that the door was closed behind him, he gave them a stern glare as he started talking.
"Okay. Let me ask one question," Andrew sneered. "What the hell is the matter with you two?! Exposing Margaret to the public when she's showering? All just to satisfy your pervertic desires? Have you lost your minds!?"
"In our defense Andrew," Hawkeye tried to speak up. "We were struggling with something to do, so we-"
"I don't want to hear it, Pierce," Andrew stopped him from finishing. "I told you to lay off of Frank and stop pulling your jokes on him. So instead, you two decide to go after Margaret and pull this insensitive joke on her. This was beyond funny. This was obscene and terrible!"
"Okay. So we pulled an obscene joke on Margaret," Trapper huffed. "What's the problem?"
"The problem is that Margaret happens to be my fiancee," Andrew growled. "And since we're engaged, I don't find the obscene joke that you pull on her to be funny. Not that it matters because I wouldn't have approved of it even if we weren't engaged. It's sickening."
"Oh right, how could we forget about that," Hawkeye snorted. "Trapper, let's make a reminder that we shouldn't do that to Andrew's fiancee."
"I'll be sure to write it down when I can get to it," Trapper replied dryly.
"That isn't important right now," Andrew grumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose. "You know, if it were up to me, I would probably go with Frank's suggestion and have you two arrested for what you did."
"Swell. What are you gonna do? Lock us up?" Hawkeye queried sardonically.
"You wanna know something? The only reason you two haven't been court-martialed is that you two are the finest surgeons in all of Korea. And I better not catch either of you pulling this stunt again. I hope I am making myself clear," Andrew warned them. "Now get out of my tent."
"Ain't that somethin'," Trapper huffed. "We expose Hot Lips taking a shower for everyone to see, and Andrew here goes off on us."
"That's something to expect, seeing that he's her fiance," Hawkeye retorted.
"OUT!" Andrew howled, pointing towards his door.
"See? He even yells like her," Hawkeye teased as he and Trapper headed for the door.
"She's been influencing him in some way," Trapper remarked as they opened the and walked out.
Andrew grunted as he closed the door when they walked out, before sighing. He couldn't believe that they'd do something like that. He just hopes that they'll never try something like that again, especially towards his fiancee. It just isn't right.
Figuring that now was a good time to check up on Margaret, Andrew left his tent, closing the door behind him to talk with her about what happen and to be there for comfort. Andrew was planning on helping Margaret out with this, and he was going to be teaching her about something imperative in regards to what happened to her...
IN MARGARET'S TENT:
Meanwhile, in Margaret's tent, we see the head nurse wearing her pink bathrobe as she was shown with hair curlers in her hair, as an attempt to straighten it out as a result of her hair still being wet. She dried most of it with her towel, but she wanted to straighten it out.
She still couldn't believe that the captains did what they did to her, especially since it was very humiliating. She hoped that Andrew was giving them a good talk. It was inexcusable what they did to her. She spent the next couple of minutes freshening herself up.
Just then, a knock was heard at the door, catching her attention. Feeling a bit tense, she cleared her throat and announced.
"If that's you Pierce and McIntyre, and if you don't get lost now, I'll throw anything I can get my hands on at you two," Margaret warned sternly.
"Margaret, it's me; Andrew," Andrew's voice was heard on the other side. "May I come in please?"
Margaret settled down when it was revealed to be Andrew. She took a deep breath and sighed. "Come in Andrew."
Her door opened up and Andrew stepped in, closing it behind him, and approached her desk. "Hey, Margaret? How are you feeling?"
"Eh, still feeling shaken up," Margaret shrugged. "I still can't believe those two perverts pulled something like that on me."
"Yeah," Andrew agreed. "I was pretty upset with them for that. I had a talk with them about it and how they better not do anything like that again."
"Really," Margaret looked amused by this. "Did you roughen them up for me?"
"Not exactly," Andrew shook his head. "But I did have to drag them into my tent to talk with them in private. I was not a happy camper. If it was someone else who was a stranger, and this wasn't the army, then I'd roughen them up."
"I know you would darling," Margaret smiled. "I just wish that I could do something about this. I would tell Colonel Blake that I want to file charges against them, but you know what he'd do about that."
"He won't do anything about it, because he's a spineless, mealymouthed, fly-fishing inept CO, right?" Andrew took a guess.
"Exactly," Margaret nodded. "Not to mention the fact that those two dirty-minded perverts are wonderful surgeons, and there's no way of getting rid of them."
"I know," Andrew understood this. "They would have been court-martialed ages ago if they weren't."
"Yeah," Margaret sighed as she sat back down. "I just feel so humiliated with being shown like that, where everyone saw my body while I was showering. I was indecent."
"Yes," Andrew said. "You know, I wonder how they would feel if the nursing staff saw them without any clothes on."
"I have to wonder about that myself," Margaret laughed slightly before stopping. "It's too bad that they're too smart for us."
"I get that. But what if we could beat them at their own game," Andrew mused. "Like maybe we could fight fire with fire, or outfox a fox, or something like that."
"You mean like give them a taste of their own medicine?" Margaret wondered with curiosity.
"Kinda, but not in the same way they did it," Andrew told her. "I think it's about time that those two captains get a practical joke pulled on them."
"Oh come on Andrew," Margaret huffed. "You might know a little about practical jokes, but I don't. I've never done it before. I've been a regular army nurse in the 4077th. So I wouldn't know for sure."
"Yeah, that is true," Andrew rubbed his chin. "But maybe I can help you with pulling it off. You could learn a thing or two from me at least. So what do you say, dear?"
"Hmm...now that you mention it, I could try it out for a start," Margaret mused. "And I would like to get back at them for all the practical jokes they pulled on me when I was with Frank. Alright, Andrew, I'll do it."
"Good," Andrew smiled. "I'm happy to hear that."
"Yeah," Margaret sighed. "So anyway, what do you have in mind? Surely you could help me along, right Mr. Big Strong Man?"
"I was gonna help you anyway," Andrew blushed. "Okay. Here's what we'll do. First, we'll wait until later tonight when Pierce and McIntyre take a shower. Do you think you can get the entire nursing staff to come to the Swamp?"
"I can try to, that is if I give them a direct order to head there," Margaret told him. "Sure. Then what?"
"Okay, once you do that, you go into the shower tent," Andrew approached her. "And then you'll..."
Andrew then whispered it into Margaret's ear, which got her a little surprised by it. Once Andrew was finished, Margaret looked at him straight in the eye and asked him.
"Wow Andrew. Do you think that's gonna work?"
"Sure I do," Andrew nodded. "And I'll be right outside, watching you from behind the side of the tent."
"Alright darling, I trust you," Margaret said. "And we'll do it later tonight."
"Yup. We'll just have to wait until then dear," Andrew sighed.
Margaret reacted by giving him that smile while showing off her pretty white teeth. She had to trust him on this since he sounds like he knows what he's doing. She could only wonder how the two captains will react once the joke is on them by tonight...
OUTSIDE OF THE SHOWER TENT - 19:51
Later on that night, outside of the shower tent, Andrew and Margaret were hiding to the side of it, as the water was running and they heard Hawkeye and Trapper taking a shower in there together. They heard them singing in the shower together...well, it was mostly Hawkeye. But they could hear both of them.
"Oh, it ain't gonna rain no more, no more. It ain't gonna rain no more," they were heard singing. "So how in the heck can I wash my neck, it ain't gonna rain no more, no more."
"Hold it Trap. It's 'neck'. Wash my neck," Hawkeye corrected him.
"Huh?" Trapper realized his mistake. "Okay, let's do it again Hawk. From the top."
"Right," Hawkeye said as they resumed singing. "It ain't gonna rain no more, no more. It ain't gonna rain no more..."
"Okay, they seem to be distracted with singing," Andrew whispered. "Now you just waltz on in there and take their towels and bathrobes away. I'll be standing here waiting for you to come out with them. Okay?"
"Alright. Are you sure this'll work?" Margaret queried.
"Yes. You can trust me on this," Andrew nodded. "Now you better get moving. Good luck Margaret."
"Right Andrew," Margaret said as she slowly got out of the hiding area and approached the door to the shower tent.
At that moment, the captains were attempting to sing Row, Row, Row your Boat, but they having trouble with singing their respective parts. They were heard gripping about how Trapper was coming in too soon and how it was out of tune. Their little scuffle was then cut short when the door opened and Margaret entered wearing her bathrobe, getting their attention.
"Whoa, Margaret! What are you doing in here?" Hawkeye yelped. "Did you come in here to see me naked? Or did you come to see Trapper naked?"
"She should know, she took a shower with me once, kinda," Trapper said. "Only we had our clothes on. But seriously Margaret, what are you doing here?"
"Oh nothing," Margaret said casually. "I just came by to pick up a few things."
From there, she went over and grabbed the towels and the red and yellow bathrobes, getting the two captains to react.
"Oh, Margaret! Come on!" Hawkeye yelled.
"Margaret, wait a minute! Hey!" Trapper told her.
"I'll be seeing you," Margaret had that smirk on her face as she walked out of the shower tent with their towels and bathrobes, leaving them in there with no clothes on.
"Margaret, please, no," Hawkeye hollered. "Wait!"
"Margaret, no, that's mine!" Trapper joined him.
"Come on! Margaret!" Hawkeye yelled for her to come back, but it was no use since she was gone.
They couldn't believe it. Margaret walked off with their towels and bathrobes, leaving them completely naked. What was this supposed to be? Some kind of retribution for what they did to her earlier? And how would she know to do something like this? These questions plagued their minds, as Hawkeye had another comment to make about it.
"You know, you're gonna look awful silly running home to get my clothes," Hawkeye said.
"She also has my clothes," Trapper reminded him. "Besides, we have no clothes on to cover ourselves."
"I can't believe we'll have to walk through the compound naked," Hawkeye grimaced.
"Like you haven't done it before," Trapper snorted. "Remember that bet we made where you walked into the mess tent naked and that nobody would notice?"
"Yeah, and it almost worked too until that guy dropped his tray," Hawkeye huffed at that memory. "And what about you Trapper?"
"Well, there was this one time where I ran naked in the subway," Trapper admitted. "But that was ages ago."
"Then let's make this quick," Hawkeye declared. "Let's get back to the Swamp before anyone notices us."
"Right, and we better be quiet while doing it too." Trapper proclaimed.
"Yeah," Hawkeye nodded as they stepped out of the shower, unaware of what was waiting for them.
Meanwhile, Andrew saw Margaret come over with the towels and bathrobes. He was impressed.
"You took their towels and bathrobes," Andrew said.
"Yup. And they didn't suspect anything," Margaret nodded with that haughty smirk.
"Nice," Andrew smirked. "The nurses are in the Swamp, right?"
"Yup. Just like we planned," Margaret nodded.
"Well, you pulled it off. I just helped you," Andrew said coyly.
"Oh come off it Andrew. You don't have to be modest," Margaret chuckled. "Now let's get to the Swamp before they see it."
"Right," Andrew obliged.
With that, they headed back to the Swamp with the towels and bathrobes in their possession. The nurses were there, and the two Captains were gonna be in for a little surprise.
Outside of the shower tent, the door creaked open slowly as Hawkeye poked his head outside to see if there was anyone out there. Once he saw it completely deserted, he had to inform Trapper about this.
"The coast is clear," he whispered. "Let's move."
"I hope so," Trapper poked his head out to make sure. "Because I don't want any guys seeing me naked and trying to hit on me, especially the married ones."
"Don't worry Trap," Hawkeye assured him. "They won't be able to do that with me around."
"Good to know that I can count on your support," Trapper deadpanned. "All this for some towels and bathrobes."
"I know. Well, shall we?" Hawkeye wondered.
"Only if we try to do this with dignity." Trapper suggested.
"Right," Hawkeye nodded. "Heads held high and hands held low."
"Okay. Geronimo," Trapper yelped as they both stormed out of the shower tent.
They were shown scurrying across the compound, hiding behind jeeps, the flag pole, and whatever else they could find that could hide their nudity. They had banged on a jeep accidentally and groaned as they made their way back to the Swamp.
After a few moments, they made it back to the Swamp without anyone spotting them. They opened the door slowly with their butts facing the entrance as they took one last check towards the compound to make sure no one could see them. Once they made sure of that, they turned around to enter the Swamp, feeling that their problems were over.
Unfortunately, these hopes were dashed as they heard feminine voices speaking upon their entry. On Hawkeye's cot was the entire nursing staff, or what could fit there. The rest of the nursing staff was on Trapper's cot. Which got the two of them to yell and scream.
"WHOA!" Both of them jumped as the nurses got a good look at their naked bodies, grabbing a mattress from Frank's cot to cover their nudity since Frank wasn't there at the moment.
"Get a load of this girls," one of the nurses giggled. "The captains now know what it's like to be seen naked by someone else."
"Yeah," another one agreed. "That was very 'nude' of you two for what you did earlier."
"Who's naked now?" Another one asked. "Not Major Houlihan, that's for sure."
"How does it feel to have a high heel on the other end of the foot, peeping Toms?"
Trapper turned to glance at Hawkeye. "What'd I tell you? The first night we ran naked across the compound, and the nursing staff finally get to see us indecent."
"I know that," Hawkeye groaned as he looked at the nurses. "Alright, alright. The show's over. I think you've seen enough of us for one lifetime."
"Now would you ladies mind vacating and leaving our dignity to its peace and isolation?" Trapper made a suggestion. "What do you say?"
"But Captains, we've only started to enjoy the scenery," that came from Margaret, who was on the spare cot with Andrew next to her. "This ought to make a good headline in the Stars and Stripes newspaper."
"Don't take it too personally guys," Andrew said. "I mean you did the same thing to Margaret earlier. So we decided to do the same to you to get back at you."
"Ah, so that's what this was about," Hawkeye realized. "Alright you two, the joke's over. Now please leave our humble abode?"
"That goes for the rest of you peeping tomboys," Trapper referred to the rest of the nurses. "Out! Out!"
"Alright, ladies," Margaret gave the captains a smug smirk. "I think we've seen enough."
"I'll say," Andrew agreed with a coy smirk. "Just be sure to turn the other cheek you two. We might be in for a full moon tonight!"
Andrew then started laughing heartily along with Margaret, as the rest of the nurses were giggling and commenting about seeing Hawkeye and Trapper naked, all while the two captains forced the nurses to get out of the Swamp. They then did the same for Andrew and Margaret, who walked out while laughing at this.
Once they were gone, Hawkeye slammed the door shut and they put down the mattress right in front of Frank's cot.
"Can you believe that?" Trapper retorted. "They exposed our nudity to the nursing staff."
"Yeah. You know Margaret couldn't have pulled this off on her own. She isn't that kind of person," Hawkeye proclaimed. "She must've had a little help, and her help came from Andrew."
"I say we get back at her for doing this to us," Trapper suggested. "What do you say, Hawk?"
"I say that sounds wonderful Trap," Hawkeye smirked. "Maybe we can pull a practical joke on her later tonight, while she's in her tent."
"I don't think Henry will mind if we borrow his skeleton anatomical model to put into Margaret's closet," Trapper grinned. "Then when she's tucked in with the lights off, we open the closet, and she'll get scared from seeing it in her closet."
"Complete with the skeleton landing right on top of her when she's in her cot," Hawkeye mused. "We better get things set up since Margaret is likely with Andrew, discussing how they got us and not knowing we're planning to get her."
"Good idea. Hot Lips won't know what hit her," Trapper nodded. "But first, let's put some clothes on. I feel that I've had enough walking around naked for one evening."
"Or one lifetime for that matter," Hawkeye retorted.
They decided to get themselves dressed up before setting up that new prank on Margaret. The head nurse was going to be in for a horrifying surprise later tonight when she would go to sleep for the night...
OUTSIDE IN THE COMPOUND - 22:43
"I gotta say, Margaret, we sure got those two there," Andrew was shown talking with Margaret as they were approaching the latter's tent. "They were entirely shocked when they saw those nurses looking at them."
"I'll say," Margaret agreed while laughing. "In any case, we did a good job with getting back at them."
"Yeah. Well, I was mainly helping you with it," Andrew insisted. "But eventually, you might learn how to pull practical jokes just like I did."
"Maybe," Margaret gave him an amused smirk. "We'll just have to find out for ourselves."
"No kidding," Andrew chuckled as they stopped in front of Margaret's tent. "Well, here's your tent. Now, do you think you'll be able to go in and get some sleep without anything hazardous happening? After all, we did prank the captains, and they'll likely try to pull one of their dirty tricks on you as retribution."
"No need to worry about me, Andrew. I can handle myself," Margaret huffed proudly. "And if those two do try something sneaky, I'll show them."
"Well...okay," Andrew was uncertain about that, but he didn't bother to argue about it. "In any case, I'll be in my tent if you need anything."
"Alright darling," Margaret leaned up and kissed Andrew on the cheek. "Have a goodnight, and I'll see you tomorrow."
"You too dear," Andrew smiled. "Goodnight."
Margaret grinned as she watched Andrew head back to his tent to turn in for the night. Once she saw him enter his tent, she turned around to face the door. Cautiously, she slowly opened it and looked suspiciously to see if anything was gonna fall on her.
Luckily, there wasn't. Letting out a sigh of relief, Margaret opened the door all the way and slowly tip-toed into her tent to make sure nothing happens to her that resulted from a practical joke that Hawkeye and Trapper pulled on her.
Outside, Hawkeye and Trapper were seen sitting on the ground, to the side of the tent with a rope that was tied to the closet handle in Margaret's tent. They had set up their practical joke for her to fall for, and they decided to wait. They knew that Margaret would get cautious in her tent since she is aware of how they operate together, especially when it comes to pranks.
Inside the tent, Margaret looked to her cot and tossed all her pillows that were on it off, and pulled off the blanket to see if there was anything hidden in her mattress, like a fake snake, lizard, or rat. There was nothing. She then grabbed her pillow and smacked it to see if they stuffed any chocolate pudding, mashed potatoes, or even oatmeal inside of it.
Nothing was in the pillow. She checked the other one, getting the same results. Letting out a sigh, Margaret got onto her cot and put the pillows back onto her cot, before slipping out of her footwear and tucking herself into the blanket. She was about to turn off the lamp when she cautiously looked underneath into the light, to make sure it wasn't booby-trapped.
Just like before, it was safe. Getting convinced that there was nothing suspicious in her tent, she turned off the light and lied down on her cot, panting heavily at how paranoid she was getting due to the fear that the two perverts would pull a practical joke on her in her sleep. She tried to relax and closed her eyes so she could attempt to get some sleep.
Realizing that the lights were out and she was trying to sleep, Hawkeye and Trapper saw this as their chance to set the prank off on her. Quietly, they gave one swift pull on the rope, which caused the closet door to open slowly.
Margaret could hear the closet door creaking open at a steady pace, which got her to open her eyes, and to sit up slightly so she could see it for herself. Of course, she would immediately regret doing so, for once the closet door was completely opened, she felt her eyes widen in fear as she saw a skeleton in her closet. Being consumed by fright, Margaret had to react on the spot.
"AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Margaret screamed.
In a matter of seconds, the skeleton had gotten right on top of Margaret in her cot as she was frantically trying to get it off. Hawkeye and Trapper knew what happened; their plan worked.
"Oh, somebody, get this thing off me! Get this off me!" Margaret let out a shrill scream. "Oh, my God!"
Hawkeye and Trapper then decided to enter the tent and turned on the lamp and saw Margaret with the skeleton on top of her.
"You screamed, madam?" Hawkeye asked.
"I could have sworn that I heard somebody yell for help," Trapper wondered.
"Oh," Margaret growled as she realized one thing; they did this to her. "Oh, you! You...You did it! You goons!"
"Now Margaret, it just looks that way," Hawkeye said with a faux-innocent voice as Margaret tossed the skeleton off. "For all we know, that skeleton might've found its way into your closet."
"He was waiting for you to practice human anatomy on him," Trapper said jokingly.
"You creeps!" Margaret broke the left arm of the skeleton and smacked them with it. "How dare you scare me half to death when I'm trying to get some sleep!?"
"Easy Margaret! We can tell that you have a bone to pick with us," Hawkeye yelped.
"Keep this up and we'll get a fractured skull," Trapper remarked dryly upon being hit.
"Get this piece of trash out of here!" Margaret tossed the other part of the skeleton towards them, breaking the right arm off along with both legs. "You cretins! You animals!"
"Okay Hot Lips, you seem to have things under control," Trapper said. "We'll just mosey along!"
"Get out! Out! Out!" Margaret ordered angrily.
"Come on Margaret! It's not fair! We're unarmed," Hawkeye begged as he was holding the skeleton's right arm, while Trapper had the left arm. "Unless of course, you mean these arms."
"OUT!" Margaret grabbed one of the legs and smacked them with it.
It was at this minute that Andrew overheard the screaming in his tent, and decided to investigate.
"Alright, I've heard some screaming. Now, what's goin-" Andrew started, but he was cut off when he ended up tripping over a loose bone from the skeleton, which got him to slide and fall right onto the floor, face first.
Of course, the impact of the thud caused the bone he tripped over to leap over, where it hit him square in the left eye.
"Ouch..." Andrew uttered in pain, as he felt his left eye starting to throb.
"Oh, darling," Margaret backed away from the captains as she dropped the leg and helped Andrew to his feet. "Are you alright Andrew?"
"Yeah. I'm fine," Andrew huffed. "Just a little bruised here and there. No big deal."
Margaret then got a look at his left eye, which had swollen up into a black eye from the impact, and it was blueish-purple in color.
"Oh my god Andrew...your eye," Margaret gasped in shock. "Look what happened to your eye. It's swollen and black."
"Yeah, but don't worry about that," Andrew tried to shake it off. "It's not the first time an accident like this has happened to me. Now, what happened here?"
"Oh, those two captains scared the hell out of me with their skeleton," Margaret snarled. "They thought it'd be funny to frighten me while I was sleeping after what we did to them earlier."
"I see," Andrew turned around to face the captains. "And what are you two doing in here?"
"They're about to leave. That's what," Margaret told him as she approached them. "Get out of here! Get out of here!"
"Wait a minute, Andrew, don't you think you should have that eye checked?" Hawkeye asked.
"You keep it like that and your eye won't be able to see for a whole week," Trapper told him.
"Well maybe this wouldn't have happened if you two didn't try to scare Margaret with that skeleton," Andrew sneered. "In any case, I'll have it checked out tomorrow! Now do us a favor and get out of here!"
"And take that stupid skeleton with you," Margaret grabbed all the parts to the skeleton as she approached them. "Out! Out of my tent you disgusting animals!"
"That means 'move it busters'!" Andrew howled.
"Okay, we're just leaving," Hawkeye said as they headed for the door. "By the way, do either of you two need any room service?"
"OUT!" Both of them yelled angrily as Margaret got ready to throw the skeleton outside.
They took that as their cue as Hawkeye and Trapper bolted out the door while Margaret went and tossed the parts to the skeleton outside, where it hit a post and the skeleton broke completely.
"AND STAY OUT!" Margaret screamed once more before slamming her door and locking it.
"Margaret?" Andrew approached her. "Are you gonna be okay?"
"I don't think so," Margaret moaned. "What they did was beyond funny. They scared me and you got a black eye out of it."
"I know that," Andrew sighed. "But it'll be okay."
"No it won't," Margaret told him. "Why can't they just leave me alone?"
"Awww," Andrew said sympathetically as he went over and brought her into an embrace, patting her on the back. "There, there, Margaret. You'll be okay. We'll think of something. Your fiance is here for you."
"I know that darling," Margaret looked at him with uncertainty. "But we should do something about that eye of yours."
"My eye can wait. I want to make sure that you're safe and comfortable dear." Andrew insisted.
"Why are you such a caring and understanding man?" Margaret queried.
"I guess it's because I have it in me," Andrew said honestly. "And because we're engaged."
"Oh, Andrew. You don't have a problem with sleeping with me tonight, do you?" Margaret asked.
"Not at all Margaret," Andrew smiled warmly. "We've slept together before. And besides, I think we should get some practice with sleeping together for when we do get married and share the same bed."
"That's a real good idea darling," Margaret beamed. "I love you."
"I love you, dear," Andrew grinned as he escorted her to her cot. "Now let's get some shuteye. I don't know what we'll be in for tomorrow, but we better be ready for anything."
"Good idea," Margaret said as they got into her cot and got tucked in and comfortable. "You comfy?"
"Sure am, especially with you here."
"Same here. Oh, could you turn off my lamp for me, you big strong man?"
"Certainly," he reached over and turned it off. "Goodnight Margaret."
"Goodnight Andrew."
After making sure to get entirely comfortable, the two of them fell asleep in her cot; something that they'll be doing soon enough once the war is over and after they're married. They could only wonder what they could do about this mess. They would figure something out tomorrow, as well as do something about Andrew's eye. But for now, they slept peacefully in each others' arms...
IN THE MESS TENT - 8:27
It was now a new morning at the M*A*S*H 4077. And in the mess tent, we see Andrew sitting at the same table as Margaret and Frank; Margaret was sitting next to him while Frank was sitting across from him.
Something else that was noticeable was the raw steak that Andrew had on his left eye, which was still black and swollen. The steak came from the kitchen where it was being put to better use. Especially since the cooks would have spoiled it and ruined it anyway.
Aside from that, Andrew and Margaret were still thinking about what happened last night. Needless to say, neither of them was pleased with it.
"Well, some night that turned out to be," Andrew groaned. "I didn't think those captains could pull such a trick like this."
"Well Andrew, it's expected," Margaret sighed. "Those two will do anything it takes to pull a fast one on me, not to mention Frank."
"Don't remind me," Frank grumbled, still feeling sore about the oatmeal incident yesterday.
"But what I want to know is what are we going to do about this," Andrew wondered. "It's obvious that they aren't gonna stop anytime soon. So I'm unsure about what should be done about this."
"Believe me, Andrew, if I had the answer, I would have shared it with you already," Margaret moaned. "And it's not helped by the fact that you have a black eye, which is what the steak is for."
"Yeah, I know," Andrew said, keeping his left hand on the steak to keep it from falling off his face. "My eye will heal in no time though. So that's the least of our problems."
"Our real problem involves those captains," Margaret declared. "What are we going to do about them?"
"Hmmm..." Andrew did some thinking along with Margaret, hoping that something would come up.
They weren't having any luck. That didn't stop them from thinking some more, as they spent the next couple of minutes doing so.
Afterwards, it was Frank who suggested what they should do. "You know what I think? Maybe you should sabotage their still, so it sprays gin in their faces when they next use it. Just like the time I did it to Pierce."
"Huh?" This caught Andrew's attention as he looked at Frank. "What are you talking about Frank?"
"I'm talking about the time I pulled three practical jokes on Pierce," Frank yelled.
This got Andrew into a state of shock. Frank had successfully pulled a practical joke on Hawkeye? Three of them in a row no less? He found it hard to believe since Frank isn't the kind of person to do that, not to mention he's usually a pushover. Margaret was also surprised by this. The whole time she and Frank were dating, he never once mentioned this to her.
"Okay, let's clear the air. You pulled a practical joke on Pierce?" Andrew asked him. "When did you do that?"
"It was when this USO stand-up comic, the Miller Sisters, and a back-up band were performing in the 4077," Frank exclaimed. "Pierce finally pushed my limits when he forced those corpsmen to bring in a patient to OR to handle a third of a grain, going over the head of a superior officer again, thus insulting me in the presence of others!"
"I see," Andrew looked interested. "What were the practical jokes?"
"Yeah Frank, I think I deserve to know as well," Margaret looked just as curious. "What were they?"
"As I just said, the first one was sabotaging the gin still so gin would spray in Pierce's face when he tried to use it," Frank explained. "The second one involved that classic 'bucket-over-the-door' gag, which dumped water on Pierce when he walked over the rope when he entered the Swamp. And the third one involved the shower, which Pierce tried to use. Which he got annoyed with because I...well...you know..."
"You managed to rework the plumbing so that the shower in the next stall sprays when he pulls the chain in his stall, and vice versa, right?" Andrew guessed.
"Well, when you put it that way, yes," Frank admitted. "That's exactly what I did."
"Wow," Andrew blinked in surprise. "I never thought of you to be someone who'd do something like that, especially since Pierce and McIntyre always pull their practical jokes on you."
"I'm just as surprised," Margaret confessed. "You never told me this before."
"Yeah. Well, I would like for you two to keep this under wraps," Frank stuttered nervously, hoping no one heard him say what he did. "Don't tell anyone."
"Don't worry Frank," Margaret promised. "My lips are sealed. Not a single soul will know about this."
"That goes for me too Frank," Andrew agreed. "In any case, I don't think we should go with any of those. I mean knowing those captains, they're likely to pull something back."
"Don't I know it," Frank uttered. "Pierce ended up pulling one of his juvenile jokes on me by collapsing the latrine tent walls when I was using it for everyone to see."
"They did something similar with me yesterday when I was taking a shower," Margaret revealed.
"Anyway, back to the main point," Andrew wanted to change the subject. "What can we do to even things out for good?"
"I don't know Andrew," Margaret shrugged. "What do you suppose we should do about it?"
Andrew was about to say something but was unable to when a voice was heard behind them at the mess tent entrance.
"Hey," it was revealed to be Henry, as he had two parts of his skeleton; the skull and the right arm, in his hands, holding them up for everyone to see. "Who broke my skeleton?!"
"Uh, looks like that skeleton they hid in your closet Margaret belonged to the Colonel," Andrew uttered.
"And now he's found out that it was broken," Margaret agreed with him. "We better talk with him about it."
"Yeah," Andrew nodded as he got up and got Henry's attention. "Hey, Colonel?!"
"Oh boy...Major, whatever it is, I'm not prezactly in a good mood," Henry groaned as Andrew approached him. "I'm trying to find out who broke the skeleton anatomical model that was in my office."
"Really," Andrew crossed his arms and gave him an answer. "Pierce and McIntyre are responsible for that."
"They what?" Henry asked him in shock as Margaret walked over to them.
"Pierce and McIntyre thought that it'd be funny to pull a prank on me while I was trying to sleep in my tent last night," Margaret explained. "They put a skeleton in my closet, which came from your office, and they scared me with it to the point where I started screaming. I then found that skeleton piling on top of me."
"So that's what the screaming was about," Henry mused. "Wait a moment, Pierce and McIntyre did this?"
"You know Colonel? That's the kind of thing that wouldn't be going on in this camp if we had a better commanding officer running our outfit," Margaret retorted.
"Now look Major Houlihan, I do plenty around here every day," Henry argued. "I just don't make a lot of noise about it."
Margaret could only roll her eyes at that.
"Anyway, Pierce and McIntyre were the ones who stole it," Andrew brought up. "And it's their fault that it's broken."
"Well that's just great," Henry moaned. "Now I have to glue it back together."
"Uh, Colonel? I don't think you can glue it back together," Andrew mentioned.
"Then that means I'll have to get a hold of requisition and get a new one to replace it," Henry proclaimed.
Andrew could only sigh at that. He had no further comments to make about it. Not that it would've mattered, since he wouldn't have been able to anyway when Radar came into the mess tent, getting their attention.
"Uh, 'cuse me, sir?" Radar queried, walking up to them.
"What is it now Radar?" Henry asked.
"Not you, sir," Radar pointed to Andrew. "This sir here, sir."
"Yes, Radar? What can I do for you?" Andrew wondered.
"Oh geez Major," Radar winced at the steak covering his left eye. "What happened with your eye? That's tonight's dinner."
"Yeah, I was wondering about that too," Henry mentioned.
"Never mind the eye guys," Andrew changed the subject. "What do you want Radar?"
"Oh, uh, sir," Radar exclaimed. "That new jukebox you sent for requisition showed up. It's in the Officer's Club. Think that you should see for yourself."
"Ah, I was wondering when that would get here," Andrew smiled. "That was pretty fast."
"Yes sir. Delivers fast sir," Radar uttered.
"You had a jukebox issued for the Officer's Club," Margaret seemed quite perplexed. "Why wasn't I informed?"
"It's simple Margaret," Andrew explained. "You wanted something jazzy being played in the Officer's Club. So I thought the best way to do that would be to have a jukebox issued here. And now it looks like it just showed up."
"Wow," Margaret remarked. "It'll be good to play one of my jazz records on there for a change. What does it look like?"
"Well, that's something that you have to see for yourself," Andrew told her. "Since it's something that I have to see for myself. So why don't we go check it out?"
"Alright, if you say so," Margaret shrugged.
"Good," Andrew then turned to face Radar. "Radar, if you would escort us-"
"To the Officer's Club where the jukebox is," Radar finished for him. "Yes sir."
And so Andrew and Margaret followed Radar out of the mess tent and straight to the Officer's Club, where that jukebox was now located. Henry was just standing there, with the skull in one hand and the skeletal right hand in the other. He knew that he had to sign those forms for the jukebox, but he was still lost with what to do about his skeleton. He'd have to replace it somehow. That's for sure...
IN THE OFFICER'S CLUB - 8:58
"There you are sir," Radar pointed to the jukebox. "All new and ready for use in Officer's Club."
"Wow. That looks remarkable Radar," Andrew complimented.
"Very good Corporal," Margaret admitted.
"The best part is it's covered," Radar exclaimed. "Price has been handled, and forms are on Colonel Blakes' desk to be signed."
"Well, I'm glad that's taken care of," Andrew sighed. "This looks better than the last one for sure."
"I got a good deal out o' it sir," Radar said.
"I can see that," Andrew smiled as he looked at the jukebox for a few more moments.
"I like it," Margaret admitted. "This was a good choice that you made."
"I'm glad you think so," Andrew said proudly. "Because now with this, we can play all those jazz records that you wanted to play for us to dance to."
"I haven't forgotten about that," Margaret remarked. "I'll be sure to do something like that tonight."
"That sounds good to me," Andrew accepted.
They didn't say anything else for a couple of moments or so. Radar was pretty much done in the Officer's Club, but he decided to stick around anyway. The silence was finally broken when Igor came into the Officer's Club and took notice of them standing there.
"Sorry sirs. Officer's Club isn't open yet." Igor told them.
"Yeah. We weren't here for a drink. We were just checking out the new jukebox that just came in." Andrew remarked.
"Oh," Igor took a good look at it. "Yeah, it does look better than the last jukebox that we had, before something happened to it."
"Yeah. Don't we know it," Andrew muttered. "In any case, I'm glad that it came in."
"I think everyone is looking forward to using that thing during the nighttime." Igor took out a couple of bottles of champagne from behind the counter, underneath. "I know I plan on using it at some point."
"I can se-wait a minute," Andrew saw him with the two bottles. "What are those two bottles for?"
"Oh. These? Well, they're for Pierce and McIntyre," Igor exclaimed. "They are planning on stopping by tonight or something. Why? How should I know?"
"And you're taking them out now," Andrew raised an eyebrow.
"Sure. Why not?" Igor shrugged. "It would be a waste if these bottles were shaken up. Then they'd find themselves getting soaked in the face from removing the cork from the bottles."
"Shaken up," Andrew started thinking about this before looking at the nearest table. "Any chance of there being able to dump a barrel of alcohol onto the table over there?"
"Sure. One just has to sit there, give the signal, and whoever holds the rope pulls it and it gets dumped onto the person sitting there," Igor answered truthfully. "Why?"
"Well, I think I figured out the answer to our problem," Andrew was referring to himself and Margaret. "Margaret, I think it's time that the captains finally got to experience getting splashed in the face by alcohol."
"You think that's a good idea, Andrew," Margaret queried.
"It's either that or have them come up with something else to pull on you," Andrew stated.
"Well...okay, if you think that's a good idea," Margaret decided not to object as there was no reason to.
"Igor? We're gonna pull a little prank on Pierce and McIntyre," Andrew faced the private once again. "And I'm gonna need those bottles shaken up for tonight."
"Well, I don't think that's a good idea," Igor admitted. "But what do I know? All I do around here is serve beverages in here and the dreck that we get in the mess tent."
"Okay, so I'll be taking those off your hands," Andrew took both of the bottles. "Thanks."
Igor shrugged, not doing anything about it since Andrew does outrank him. Therefore, he decided to leave the Officer's Club and let them do what they were planning.
"Alright, I'm gonna shake these bottles so they can squirt out champagne in their face when they open it," Andrew started shaking both of them. "Now there's just the matter of the alcohol splashing onto them. We'll need a barrel and a rope tied to it that can be pulled on to dump the beverage onto whoever sits at that table."
"I think that can be arranged," Margaret mused to herself.
"Yeah," Andrew turned to face the company clerk. "Hey Radar?"
"Barrels are behind the counter, underneath where the beverages are," Radar answered.
"Good to know Radar. Thanks for that," Andrew thanked him. "Now we just need a rope for it."
"I'm sure we can find a rope in supply," Margaret pointed out.
"Okay, let's go look for one," Andrew exclaimed. "Radar, just go back to doing what you were doing before."
"Right, sir," Radar said as he left the officer's club to head back to his office.
Andrew and Margaret left shortly afterwards as soon as Andrew put the two bottles of shaken up champagne on the table closest to the entrance. They were planning to get back at the two captains tonight. And this time, they hoped that this whole thing could finally be brought to an end...
LATER ON THAT NIGHT; AT THE OFFICER'S CLUB - 18:43
It was nighttime once again at the M*A*S*H 4077. And in the Officer's Club, people were either drinking or having a good time listening to the new jukebox that got set up. Needless to say, everyone was enjoying themselves.
At that moment, Andrew and Margaret came in with Hawkeye and Trapper, feeling the need to take them there as a settlement. At this point, Andrew was no longer using the steak over his eye. It was still slightly black, but it was fading, so he could start seeing with that eye again.
Aside from that, they wanted to put an end to the practical jokes, so they exclaimed how they wanted to treat them to beverages.
"So you see guys, this is our way of treating you guys to some drinks after everything that happened yesterday," Andrew explained as they entered the Officer's Club. "I hope this isn't a problem Captains."
"Oh no, it's no problem at all," Hawkeye told him. "It's just surprising to see that you wanted to treat us to drinks."
"After what we did, this is the last thing that we expected from you," Trapper admitted.
"Well consider it our treat Captains," Margaret told them calmly before pointing to a particular table. "Have a seat at that table over there."
"Okay," Hawkeye shrugged along with Trapper as they sat at the particular table that they pointed to.
"And don't worry about the drinks," Andrew assured them. "We got them covered."
"Wow. And here I thought drinks were on the house," Trapper commented.
"Well it's my treat," Andrew smiled sheepishly. "Hang on. I'll go get the drinks."
Andrew went over to behind the counter to get the two bottles that he shook up earlier, while Margaret walked over to where the rope was without them knowing. It took a few minutes of waiting, but Hawkeye and Trapper got what they wanted when Andrew came back with the two bottles of champagne and two glasses to pour them into.
"Here you go guys," Andrew placed them onto the table before taking out a corkscrew. "And here's a corkscrew for opening those bottles."
"Gee thanks, Andrew. What would we do without you," it was difficult to tell if Hawkeye was being sarcastic or not.
"Right. Do you guys need anything else?" Andrew felt like asking.
"Nah. We're all set Andrew," Trapper waved off. "We can handle this."
"Good to know you guys," Andrew smiled. "I'll be over here if you need me."
With that, Andrew walked back to the counter, sat down, and watched over them from a distance. Hawkeye and Trapper decided to open up the bottles of champagne that they were given to drink.
"Should I open my bottle first, or should you," Hawkeye asked him.
"After you Hawkeye," Trapper insisted.
"Very well," Hawkeye shrugged as he grabbed the corkscrew and worked on removing the cap from the bottle.
It took him a couple of moments, but he was able to get the corkscrew deep into the cork. He then slowly turned it so it could come off. He was expecting to just take off the cork and pour it into the glass, and that would be the end of it. That didn't turn out to be the case, for once the cork came off, Hawkeye found his face getting sprayed by the champagne, getting him to yelp and spit the stuff out of his mouth.
"Wow Hawk, I didn't think you ordered your champagne to be sprayed into your face like that," Trapper quirked with a smirk.
"Alright Trap, if that's the way you want it, then you open your bottle," Hawkeye huffed, giving Trapper the corkscrew for him to use.
Trapper just shrugged as he took the corkscrew and went to take off the cork on his bottle. A few moments later, he managed to get the cork off the bottle, but what happened next was the same reaction that Hawkeye got. He started yelling and spitting as the champagne sprayed into his face.
"Well Trap, looks like we both got sprayed in the face by the stuff," Hawkeye said, shaking his head.
"Don't remind me," Trapper grunted. "Hawk, I get the feeling that we've been set up. As in someone pulled a prank on us."
"That figures," Hawkeye wiped his forehead. "But who is responsible for this?"
At that moment, Andrew gave Margaret the signal. "Alright! NOW MARGARET!"
Hawkeye and Trapper were about to ask what that was about, but they weren't able to as Margaret pulled on the rope and got the barrel to tip over their heads. The next thing they knew, they found themselves getting splashed from the head down by gin. They got their clothes entirely soaked and were spitting the stuff out of their mouth since it was all over them.
"Never mind Trapper, I think I know who did it," Hawkeye huffed.
"Yeah. Me too Hawkeye," Trapper agreed.
"Well guys," Andrew saw them looking at him. "Did that feel refreshing or what?"
"Andrew? Would it be by any chance that you were responsible for this practical joke?" Hawkeye asked him.
"What gave it away?" Andrew queried.
"Let's see, how about the fact that you brought us to this particular table, which is where that barrel was hanging above," Hawkeye pointed. "And then there's the fact that you intentionally shook these two bottles of champagne to spray into our faces."
"Well, I didn't do it alone," Andrew said shyly. "Let's just say that I had a little help with this one."
"Would she happen to be Major Houlihan?" Hawkeye took a guess.
"How did you know?" Andrew raised an eyebrow.
"It was a lucky guess, Andrew," Hawkeye huffed.
"Andrew, we are just surprised that you'd do this to us," Trapper commented.
"Well you guys did pull a horrible prank on Margaret last night," Andrew admitted as Margaret walked over to his side. "So it was only fitting that we pull a practical joke on you guys."
"I can't see why. I mean we only scared Margaret with a skeleton in her closet," Hawkeye retorted sarcastically. "Not to mention reveal her taking a shower to the doctors in the compound."
"And that's why Andrew and I did this you, creeps," Margaret spoke up. "Serves you both right."
"Alright, you got us," Hawkeye proclaimed. "And maybe we overdid it yesterday."
"Yeah. I guess you can say that this was clever," Trapper admitted.
"Okay," Andrew sighed. "Just be sure that this never happens again."
"Right. We'll try not to do something like we did yesterday to Margaret," Hawkeye pledged.
"Here here," Trapper agreed.
"That sounds good enough for me," Andrew wiped his forehead. "Doesn't it Margaret?"
"Eh, I guess," Margaret shrugged, not sure about what to say for an answer.
It was then the sound of choppers that were heard approaching the compound, in which everyone could hear it. Immediately afterwards, Radar came into the officer's club to let them know about it.
"We got choppers comin' people! We got wounded!" Radar exclaimed. "Incoming wounded!"
The announcement on the P.A. system was heard by everyone.
"ATTENTION, ALL PERSONNEL! INCOMING WOUNDED! ALL SHIFTS REPORT TO OR! TIME TO ROLL OUT THE WELCOME WAGON!"
"Well, time for some more meatball surgery," Andrew sighed.
"Tell me about it," Hawkeye groaned. "I'm gonna need to scrub up all this gin before I can operate."
"Me too," Trapper stated. "And I'm not even decent for OR."
"Well, you'll get over it just like every other session. So get prepped for OR," Margaret scoffed as she and Andrew walked for the door with everyone else.
"It could be worse though Trap," Hawkeye said. "We could be covered in vodka instead."
"Yeah," Trapper sighed. "That would be worse than this Hawk. So, shall we get ready for surgery?"
"Doesn't look like we have a choice. The war is back on schedule," Hawkeye remarked. "Let's get this over with."
"Roger," Trapper groaned.
It wasn't long before everyone left the Officer's Club to get ready for surgery in OR. All the practical jokes were brought to an end, and now they had to get serious since the war was happening again. It was just another day in Korea...
END OF CHAPTER 49...
Yeah. That's it for this chapter. I'm pretty glad that I finished it too. The chapter started like any classic M*A*S*H episode. Still, it was hard to do this chapter since I've been losing interest. Despite this, I hope that you enjoyed this chapter.
Yeah, because of my losing interest, it's been harder for me to come up with ideas, and most of them seem rather contrived, like how to end a chapter properly. It has been exhausting for the most part. Combined with some other personal stuff that I've been doing, I don't think updates will be frequent this time around. I just want to let you all know about this.
Lastly, the shower scene was pretty controversial in a sense, since I haven't done it before. But I decided to take a risk this time since these recent chapters have been stale and haven't gotten anywhere. I just hope it's not that bad to the point where there are plenty of complaints.
Anyway, I'm still thinking of some ideas for the next chapter, which will probably focus on Andrew and Margaret being in Tokyo or something. I still have to come up with ideas for it, and it'll take a few days to come up with something. It should be interesting though. And if you are wondering what it could be, you'll have to wait until next time, folks.
For now, only if you want, you can leave a review. I'm sorry if parts might seem too syrupy. I'm just somewhat tired of writing this story. Still, I'll try to update it as best as I can.
Other than that, that's all I have for now. So until next time, I hope you all take care of yourselves. And with that said and done, thanks again for reading everyone!