Hello there, ladies and gentlemen. Here is the 53rd chapter of this story.
Now, I'm gonna try to make this chapter as short as I possibly can, compared to the last several chapters I've written. In this chapter, Klinger goes deaf and loses his hearing, He makes comments about whether or not he'll hear again when he gets back to Toledo, mentions several places from Toledo to Andrew, and some other stuff will occur. How will this all go for Klinger? Find out right now!
AT THE M*A*S*H 4077 - 19:49
It was a cold and windy night at the 4077th. It was freezing, and a lot of the personnel were inside keeping warm, drinking hot beverages while wrapped up in a cozy warm blanket. The senior medical staff was currently in the mess tent with Radar, bundled up in their winter clothes as they tried to keep themselves, and by extent, each other warm. They weren't having much success, but it was something.
Outside the mess tent, marching through the compound with a bayonet held over his right shoulder was Corporal Klinger; wearing his pink silk dress, a tiara, nylons, and high heel on his feet. His chest and leg hair was shown thanks to the lack of clothes covering his skin. And because of this, he was freezing while marching back and forth.
Believe it or not, Klinger was pretty upset about what transpired earlier today. He had wanted to get a three-day pass of R&R from Colonel Blake. However, due to the casualties that came in and the fact that the action near the front had been picking up earlier that day, Klinger was unable to get his pass from Henry. He remembered it as if it was a few minutes ago.
"Colonel," Klinger walked into Henry's office. "I want to talk with you about something."
"Klinger, whatever it is, the answer's no," Henry had told him. "You can't get a Section 8 Discharge."
"This is different sir," Klinger had stood right in front of his desk. "I request a three-day pass of R&R."
"Three-day what?" Henry sounded confused by that.
"No, honest. I want a three-day pass," Klinger got to the point. "All I ask is for three days in Seoul, so I can go on R&R, and then I'll come back. You'll see."
"Sorry Klinger," Henry sighed while shaking his head. "Not this time."
"You're not being serious, are you?" Klinger queried, not believing his ears.
"Klinger, you just came back from R&R a week ago," Henry pointed out in annoyance.
"That was to attend a dress auction house that was held in Seoul," Klinger cried defensively. "I had to place the highest bet to the auctioneer since the dress was all-natural silk! So I had to be there!"
"I know Klinger," Henry groaned. "I think you can hold off on any R&R passes for a while."
"But sir," Klinger tried to argue.
"No buts Klinger," Henry kept him from finishing. "Besides, we've been getting plenty of action down near the front. And that means we've been piling up on casualties. So we'll need you here to be the corpsmen to get them into OR after being checked out in triage."
"Sir, please! I've never asked for much!" Klinger complained. "All I want is three days!"
"No dice fella," Henry moaned.
"One and a half days," Klinger wondered.
"As opposed to three days," Henry had countered.
Klinger was growing pretty annoyed by Henry being unwilling to give him his 3-day pass. "In other words, the answer is no, right?"
"Welp, it's either that or goodbye," Henry told him casually. "It's...a multiple choice."
Klinger had frowned at that. "Sir, you have disappointed me for the last time. I'll be sure to remember that the next time I right to the general."
"Alrighty, now Klinger. That'll be all," Henry decided to send Klinger on his way. "Your dismissed."
"Very well sir," Klinger stood firm, scowling at him before saluting. "I shall return."
"Well, till then, goom-bye Klinger," Henry gave his farewell.
After giving the Colonel one final glare, Klinger turned around and stormed out of the office, closing the door behind him. Henry could only stare at the door for a moment before sighing and placing his hands on his temple while shaking it and looking down towards his desk.
And now here he was; outside, freezing his Lebanese-American keister off on a cold windy night without any warm winter clothes on. All he could think about was that R&R, and how he could be anywhere else just to keep himself warm.
I just can't believe it. So what if the Colonel doesn't give me a 3-day pass? Klinger thought to himself. But does that mean that I have to freeze myself in this cold weather? I don't want to catch hypothermia again. Especially after what happened last time when I wore a summer dress during the winter. I really could use a warm stole, rather than the nylons and bloomers that I'm wearing. I just hope that I can get to Seoul, and especially Toledo before I catch something worse than hypothermia. That's something I couldn't live with...
Nonetheless, Klinger continued to patrol the compound, not giving it a second thought. He just hoped that there wouldn't be any shellfires going off near the 4077 tonight...
Meanwhile, in the mess tent, the senior medical staff was sitting together at one of the tables together in an attempt to keep themselves warm, with little success. Despite this, they drank some hot coffee while bundled up in winter clothes.
Hawkeye and Trapper were huddled up together on one side of the table without touching each other while Henry was rubbing his arms around his chest and waist when he wasn't drinking from his Illinois mug.
Andrew and Margaret were pretty much snuggling up together on the other side of the table, rubbing their knees under the table, and then there was Frank, who was simply struggling to keep warm while occasionally drinking his coffee.
"Well folks, it certainly is a windy one tonight," Henry commented first. "I highly suggest that everyone better keep the brass monkeys in tonight."
"Oh, I would Henry," Hawkeye retorted. "But I prefer not to wear any clusters on my shoulders. They always jab me when I'm trying to sleep with 'em on. Not to mention I don't think monkeys could join the army."
"Not unless Bonzo the chimp decides to join the army," Trapper gave a dry snort. "Then they'd have to make a movie out of that."
"Okay you clowns, can the tomfoolery," Henry instructed. "We're all a little cold here tonight. Just remember that we've had cold nights before, and you know what that means, right?"
"Sure do Henry," Hawkeye then decided to mess with Frank while starring at him. "Hey, Frank? How would you like it if I were to sleep with you tonight?"
"Oh, go soak your head, Pierce," Frank scoffed in disgust. "I don't need anyone sleeping with me!"
"He's right you know," Trapper agreed before adding his retort. "I mean who would want to sleep with a man who sleeps while wearing khakis, dreaming that he's smoking General MacArthur's cork pipe, and wraps himself up with the American flag as a blanket? There's not a single soul here who could ask for that."
"McIntyre, I will not have any of that malarkey from you," Frank scolded him.
"Trap, since when did you have malarkey," Hawkeye wondered. "How come you never shared any malarkey with me before?"
"I didn't even know I had any," Trapper shrugged with that face. "For all I know, I might've run out of malarkey yesterday."
"Alright guys, come on," Andrew spoke up and intervened. "The important part is that we're all freezing, and we should do our best to keep each other warm."
"Good idea Andrew. Why don't you and Hot Lips find the nearest hot tub in Korea, take a dip in it, and have some naughty obscene fun in it while naked," Hawkeye smirked.
"Then after you've done that smutty act, you two could go to sleep in Andrew's bed together," Trapper encouraged.
"Oh, this is outrageous," Margaret sneered in distaste. "I think that both of you are equally obscene."
"Well it's like I say; obscening us is a wonderful way to learn about us," Hawkeye grinned while shrugging.
"Sure it is," Andrew rolled his eyes while wrapping his right arm around Margaret's back and keeping her close. "And what we do together is none of your business. Remember, we're engaged, so it shouldn't make any different to anyone what we do in private."
"Just as long as you keep your peepers to yourselves, you peeping toms," Margaret added sternly.
"Why, I didn't know we had any tomcats peeping in on us," Hawkeye joked.
"I swore that I've could've seen one just last night," Trapper joined in on the joking.
"Okay, let's knock it off with the wisecracks," Henry insisted. "The point I'm trying to get across is that all personnel, officers, and enlisted men should be on alert and keep warm at all times."
"What about Radar?" Andrew queried.
"No need to worry about him," Hawkeye dismissed. "Little Radar has his blanket and teddy bear, which is what he brought with him to Korea from Iowa."
"Right. That's prezactly what I had in mind Pierce," Henry told him.
"Least he's not wearin' any bloomers or nylons," Trapper remarked. "Like Klinger does."
"Hey speaking of whom, how is Klinger," Andrew decided to ask. "The last time I saw him, he was pretty mopey and down in the dumps."
"Well, ya see, I'm kinda responsible for that," Henry said sheepishly.
"Really," Andrew gave him a curious look. "How'd you do it?"
"If you must know Major, Klinger came into my office earlier for a 3-day pass," Henry explained. "I, unfortunately, told him that it's not gonna happen this time."
"Wait, hold on a minute. Did you say Klinger wanted a pass? For R&R?" Andrew queried as Henry nodded. "He already had some R&R time just a week ago."
"Yes. And that's prezactly why I didn't let him get a pass. Or I should say it's one reason," Henry admitted. "Another has something to do with the fact that there's been plenty of action near the front lately. And that means casualties piling up and being shipped to our sector. And I needed as many corpsmen as I could get, so even if he didn't, he wouldn't have gotten one anyway."
"Ah. That makes plenty of sense," Andrew understood his explanation. "I do hope he'll be okay though..."
"I wouldn't worry about him if I were you, Major," Henry dismissed. "He'll get over it eventually. And maybe, later on, I might give him an R&R pass."
"That's true," Andrew sighed. "I guess it can't be helped."
"You can bet your horse's patoot on that," Henry told him. "There has just been a lot of action going on in the war lately."
"No doubt about that," Andrew agreed as they said nothing else on the subject.
Suddenly, their attention was caught when they heard a blast coming from nearby. From the sound of it, it appeared to be some shellfire being launched within the perimeter. Still, this got everyone curious and on alert.
"What was that?" Andrew queried in concern.
"IT'S A SHELLFIRE, THAT'S WHAT!" Frank wailed in panic. "THEY'RE HITTING US WITH SHELLFIRE!"
"Is that what it was? I thought it was a couple of kids setting off some fireworks for the 4th of July, so we could celebrate our independence as the United States," Hawkeye had quite a joking and sarcastic tone in his voice when he said that.
"Could've fooled me too," Trapper shrugged casually.
"Can't you two clowns be serious for once," Margaret scolded them as another shellfire was set off nearby. "There it goes again."
"I guess there is a shellfire going off nearby," Andrew blinked.
"Okay folks, let's not panic, okay," Henry spoke up. "The important thing for us to do in this situation is to remain calm at all times."
"That's easier said than done," Hawkeye retorted. "Especially since Radar is still outside of the mess tent."
"He could end tripping over a land mine for all we know," Trapper huffed dryly.
"Now that's just ridiculous," Henry brushed off. "I'm more than certain that nothing will happen to Radar."
"And besides, I don't think we have to worry about him," Andrew said, pointing towards Radar who had just entered the mess tent. "Look."
Everyone looked in the direction Andrew was pointing in and saw Radar, who had a concerned look on his face, which said that he also had something important to say to Henry. The company clerk walked over to the group and approached the Colonel.
"Sir? Uh, sir? HQ just called," Radar exclaimed after catching himself. "Says we're being fired at by shellfire, sir."
"You're a little late there, Radar," Hawkeye told him in a huff. "The first went off a couple of minutes ago."
"I've heard it, sir," Radar then continued. "Also say that chances are it'll hit part o' our sector. Our unit of M*A*S*H sir."
"Well ain't that just peachy," Henry grumbled. "So it means we're being fired at by the other side."
"Oh no worries sir," Radar tried to reassure him. "It's our 'own' artillery Colonel."
"Really," Andrew looked incredulous before pinching the bridge of his nose. "Well, that's just as bad, if not stupid."
"Congratulations Radar," Hawkeye snorted. "The army in its infinite insanity manages to hit us with our 'own' artillery yet again."
"Leave it to the army to mess things up for us," Trapper huffed. "Not to mention get casualties caught in the crossfire."
"Yeah, that is a bad thing," Andrew gulped. "I don't even want to think that over."
"This also isn't the first time we got caught in the middle of the action," Margaret pointed out. "And struck by attacks from our side, no less."
"Shouldn't we do something about it," Frank wondered nervously. "I mean we can get them to stop, right?"
"Frank's right. Let's contact HQ and have them tell the army to cease their fire so we don't have any wounded coming into our unit," Hawkeye suggested, in a tone that was difficult to tell if he was being sarcastic or not.
"What do you think I've tried doing the last time I did that," Henry moaned. "HQ is barely gonna be of any help to us."
"Uh, sir?" Radar cleared his throats. "There's Klinger also."
"Oh right. Klinger's outside patrolling the compound," Andrew recalled before sounding concerned. "Do you think Klinger is gonna be okay out there with the shellfire going on?"
"I wouldn't worry too much about Klinger if I were you, Andrew," Hawkeye told him. "I wouldn't be surprised if he'd make a Section 8 Scheme out of this."
"One that he won't succeed with, like the time he tried freezing himself in a summer dress," Henry reminded him. "And I wouldn't give him a Section 8 anyway."
"That's true." Andrew nodded, as he kept thinking about Klinger and how he was doing at the moment.
As for Klinger, he was still outside, patrolling when he heard shellfire go off in the distance. It caught his attention, but he didn't flinch. If there was one thing he knew about his position, it's that he always had to stay on alert and expect the worst outcome.
Hmmm...I think that was shellfire going off. That means the war is back in town. Klinger thought. Eh, it's probably nothing to worry about. There aren't any chances of it hitting this unit, that's for sure.
Shrugging that off, Klinger decided to resume patrolling in the cold, as several more shellfires were set off nearby. Klinger thought he was in the clear.
Unfortunately, he turned out to be wrong, for one of the shellfires ended up hitting a part of the 4077th. Specifically, it hit the tent that was just 3 inches away from Klinger. The impact and the sound of the blast caused Klinger to fall onto the ground, on his back. He was unable to get back onto his feet thanks to being shaken up, so he was forced to crawl.
And in the mess tent, the others all heard the blast, and they reacted by hiding underneath one of the tables. That alone was what got them to be on full alert since they were all in potential danger.
"Holy cow," Henry remarked. "That was a loud boom."
"That one came pretty close," Frank stuttered nervously. "N-Now do you see what kind of danger we're in?"
"Believe me, Frank, I can feel my knees turning into pudding from anxiety," Hawkeye deadpanned.
"It's the war. I thought you knew that already." Trapper snorted.
"Now listen guys, we should remain calm," Andrew told them. "We have to do something to ensure our safety."
"But what can we do?" Margaret asked. "That next shellfire could hit the mess tent."
"If we're lucky, they may hit Frank's corn starched pants," Hawkeye commented.
"Now you listen here, Pierce! We are in danger of being struck, and your wasting time making cracks at my expense!" Frank scolded him.
"Okay, let's not get our guts into a knot," Henry told them. "All I can suggest is that we lay down low until the attacks cease, or until wounded arrive. Even then, we'll have to keep low at all times."
Everyone simply nodded as they decided not to argue about it. Suddenly, they heard someone yelling outside.
"HEEEEEEEELP! ANYONE!" That voice belonged to Klinger. "CAN ANYONE HELP ME OUT!?"
This got them to perk up as they were making comments on it.
"Guys, did you hear that," Andrew wondered. "I think that's Klinger."
"Holy smokes," Radar gasped as he heard his voice. "It is Klinger!"
"What's that crazy pervert doing outside during a shellfire?!" Frank wondered.
"Gee, I dunno Frank. Maybe he wanted to check out the nurse's shower to see if they could lend him some of their bloomers or nylons," Hawkeye gave a sardonic response.
"Look, let's not quarrel guys! I think something's wrong with Klinger," Andrew got them to stop. "We have to go out there and get him!"
"Welp, there's only one thing to do," Henry sighed. "When I count to three, we run out there for our lives and grab Klinger before we're struck by ammunition."
"Good work Henry," Trapper moaned. "You do the running, and I'll do the counting."
"Whatever McIntyre. Now, on my mark," Henry rolled his eyes. "Ready? 1."
"2." Trapper counted.
"3." Hawkeye finished.
Nonetheless, they all ran out there while keeping down low to avoid getting struck. As soon as they got out there, they saw Klinger crawling on his knees as he was unable to get up. They noticed him and rushed over to check on him.
"Klinger! Hey Klinger?!" Andrew shouted as he checked on the Lebanese-American. "Are you alright?"
"Oooooooohh..." Klinger moaned. "S-S-Sir...?"
"Wow. That recent shellfire must've struck near where Klinger was," Hawkeye commented.
"How can you tell for sure," Henry questioned.
"Well, it's just a lucky guess Henry," Trapper shrugged. "The corporal patrols the camp, the shellfire strikes our unit, and it must've come inches from where Klinger was standing."
"Uh oh," Radar sensed something terrible about to strike. "Sirs? And ma'am? We better duck an' cover."
"And who put you in charge Corporal," Frank sneered. "Who gave you the right to tell superior officers what to do?"
"Look," Radar pointed to the air where another shellfire was gonna hit them.
"Oh my, that's what he's referring to," Andrew gulped. "We better get down."
No sooner after he said that the shellfire struck a part of the mess tent, as a blast was heard and smoke was shown while the crew got done huddled up together. Hawkeye was on top of Trapper while Radar was on top of Hawkeye's legs. Henry was huddled next to Radar. Frank felt the colonel lying on top of his lower legs. Klinger found himself sandwiched between Frank and Andrew. And finally, Andrew had kept Margaret close, who was pressed against Andrew's left side while his left arm was wrapped around her back for protection.
As soon as the smoke cleared up, they slowly raised their heads and looked around.
"Alright, that was a closer one," Andrew sighed. "Is everyone alright?"
"Yes Major, every one of us is accounted for," Henry told him.
"Don't be ridiculous Andrew," Hawkeye huffed. "I'm too petrified to feel any fright."
"I feel like I have another ulcer," Trapper deadpanned. "My stomach is tied in knots, and it's not from drinking either."
"Little shaken sir, but I'm fine," Radar said slowly. "Thanks."
"I'm alright too," Margaret uttered softly. "Thanks for shielding me, darling."
"Anytime, dear," Andrew gave her a warm smile before turning to face Frank. "How about you Frank? Are you alright?"
"Oh yes. Sure," Frank stammered. "Other than being nearly struck by a shellfire, everything's hunky-dory on my end."
"Right," Andrew then focused on Klinger. "Hey, Klinger? How are you holding up?"
"Uhhhh...sir? It's windy out tonight," Klinger yelled, not hearing what he said.
"Whoa," Andrew gasped as he felt how Klinger was shaking. "He's shaken up from the blast that happened previously."
"Who wouldn't be? The war isn't exactly a walk in the park," Hawkeye uttered.
"Hey Hawk, you mind movin' off," Trapper grunted. "You're on top of me."
"Right after Radar gets off of my legs Trap," Hawkeye looked towards Radar. "Radar, would you mind allowing my legs to breath?"
"I'm petrified. Can't move guys," Radar cried.
"Aren't we all," Hawkeye groaned.
"Alrighty. I'll get Radar off of you Pierce," Henry then helped Radar with getting off of Hawkeye.
In turn, this allowed Hawkeye to get off of Trapper, and Henry was able to get off of Frank's legs. They slowly but surely got onto their legs, while Andrew helped Klinger onto his legs since he was having trouble getting up.
"We better get Klinger to Post-Op," Andrew suggested. "With the blast that took place, I think there's something else that's wrong with him, and it's not just from being shaken up."
"Good idea Andrew," Margaret said calmly. "Let's get him inside."
"Fine by me," Henry stretched. "Let's get the old legs moving."
Frank then looked upset as he then asked everyone a question. "But what if there isn't anything wrong with the Corporal?!"
"In that case, then we'll just give him a permit," Hawkeye said dryly. "A permit which permits him from not going outside when any other shellfires strike our area, our side or their side."
"You can never be too sure about these Lebanese-Americans," Trapper shrugged.
Frank only scoffed as he said nothing else on the matter.
It was then Henry made one other comment as they headed for Post-Op. "And while Klinger's being treated, something else must be done. Radar? I'd want you to go-"
"Call HQ about shellfire of our side hitting us," Radar said in unison as he walked for his office. "Right away sir."
And with that, Radar entered his office, while the rest of them escorted Klinger into Post-Op, where he was gonna be placed in a bed to keep warm, right after they get an x-ray photo of him to see if any bones in his body were broken. But what they didn't know was that there was something else that was wrong with Klinger, and it had nothing to do with his bones either...
IN POST-OP - 20:57
It didn't take long for Klinger to get situated in Post-Op. He was in one of the beds where he was being kept warm. He had eventually settled down after being kept in a comforting area. Meanwhile, Hawkeye and Trapper have observed the x-ray photo of Klinger that was taken, and they couldn't find anything wrong with him.
"Hey guys," Andrew got their attention as he walked over to them. "Did you find anything out about Klinger?"
"Well, let me put it this way," Hawkeye explained. "We checked his x-ray photos. Not a single bone in his body is broken. He's no more injured than I am."
"I see," Andrew nodded. "So what's the problem?"
"That's the thing, Andrew, we don't think there is a problem," Trapper answered. "He had just lived through a near-death experience. He'll probably find some way to get over it."
"Maybe," Andrew wasn't entirely convinced. "But just in case there is something wrong, we better check on him."
The captains didn't argue as they walked over to where Klinger was. Andrew got his attention by waving before speaking up.
"Hey, Klinger? Are you feeling okay?" He asked while Klinger had a confused look.
"What?"
"I said are you feeling okay?" Andrew repeated.
It was then Klinger grimaced at him. "Come on sir, quit horsing around. That isn't funny.
"What's not funny Klinger," Hawkeye asked.
"I'm being serious you guys," Klinger begged. "Talk! Make some noise! Anything!"
"We are making noise Klinger," Trapper retorted. "We're doing as much talking with our mouths as we can."
"Can you hear what we're saying?" Andrew questioned.
"What was that? I can't hear you, Major," Klinger yelled. "I can't hear anything! I can see your mouths moving, but I can't hear any words. I can't even hear myself!"
"Think there's something wrong with his ears," Hawkeye wondered.
"It's possible that the shellfire damaged his hearing," Trapper commented. "We just don't know how badly damaged it is."
"Yeah," Andrew nodded slowly. "Look Klinger, I can understand that the shellfire can cause deafness. But I want you to know that if this is another Section 8 scheme, your gonna be in serious trouble!"
"I can't hear what you're saying, Major," Klinger said. "I really can't hear anything."
"Hmmm...perhaps there is something wrong," Andrew rubbed his chin as Frank entered. "You don't suppose it's inner ear concussion, don't you?"
"Either that or tinnitus," Hawkeye shrugged. "Regardless, we should slam some bedpans together, just to be sure."
"What's going on," Frank demanded. "Now what's wrong with the Corporal?"
"Well Frank, Klinger was just thinking about taking a vacation," Hawkeye told him sarcastically. "And he's also waiting for the songbirds to start singing outside."
"What does it look like we're doing Frank?" Trapper retorted.
"Seems to me that your catering to an enlisted man who is a disgrace to the medical field, not to mention the United States Army," Frank scoffed.
"Well Frank, if you must know," Andrew explained. "Klinger might've lost his hearing. It's possible that the shellfire that went off damaged his hearing, and we don't know how badly damaged it is."
"Hmm? This Corporal lost his hearing? Ha! Yeah right," Frank didn't believe it. "The corporal is 'obviously' goldbricking us for a Section 8!"
"Yes Frank, since any enlisted men would want to goldbrick their hearing loss," Hawkeye retorted in annoyance.
"Besides, I don't think he's goldbricking Frank," Andrew said uncertainly. "I think he might have a serious problem with his ears."
"Well the only way to find out is to make noise to see if this goldbricker is lying or not," Frank suggested.
"Good going Frank," Trapper complimented in a dry manner.
"Yeah, Frank. Didn't we ever tell you that you are a genius in the medical department," Hawkeye praised sarcastically.
It was then both captains gave Frank a very sarcastic clap over the suggestion that they already decided on moments prior.
"That's enough of that guys," Andrew grabbed a couple of bedpans. "Only one way to see if it's damaged."
With that, Andrew slammed the bedpans together roughly, making some loud noise with it. After that, he brought both bedpans near Klinger's ears and slammed them right next to his ears. Sadly, Klinger couldn't hear a peep.
"Sorry sir," Klinger shrugged with a frown. "Not a sound."
"Well, I guess that settles that," Andrew sighed. "We'll have to take care of him in Post-Op, and hopefully, his hearing will come back."
"Oh come on Major," Frank complained. "You aren't gonna waste our time on this lunatic, are you?"
"Well, it doesn't hurt to try," Andrew shrugged calmly. "No matter how you look at it, this Corporal has lost his hearing."
"But do we have to take care of this creep," Frank scoffed as Henry came into Post-Op. "We should be expecting some casualties soon and we'll need this bed!"
"Frank, if I were you, I'd get on the phone, call North Koreans' HQ, and tell them to stop firing at our men until it fits you best," Hawkeye suggested as Frank glowered at him.
"Hey, what's with all the ruckus," Henry questioned.
"Klinger being unable to hear is the ruckus Colonel," Andrew answered. "Turns out that the blast caused Klinger to lose his hearing."
"Are you sure about that," Henry raised an eyebrow. "Cause if this is another one of your tricks Klinger, it'll be your fling in the slammer and not mine."
"Sir, your lips are moving, but no sound is coming out," Klinger told him.
"Oh. Then I suppose he did lose his hearing," Henry didn't argue. "But it isn't serious, is it?"
"If we're lucky, it might just be a minor case of inner ear concussion, and it should be healed in a few hours or so," Andrew exclaimed. "As long as he stays put and doesn't get out of bed."
"I hope it does the trick," Henry moaned as Margaret entered Post-Op. "Cause I just got word that one of the hills that our side claimed has been struck. Several soldiers were struck and wounded, and we should be expecting them in less than 20 minutes. Of course, that's just what Radar told me."
"That makes sense," Andrew groaned. "Guess we're gonna have to go into OR scrubbed up, and make sure one of the nurses keeps an eye on Klinger."
"That would be a good start," said Henry.
"Hey, what's going on?" Margaret asked calmly. "Is there something wrong with Klinger?"
"I'll explain it to you while we get ready for OR," Andrew said as he and his fiancee walked for the door side by side. "But it involves Klinger's hearing, and I think you need to know about all the details."
"Alright, Andrew. Please tell me about it," she requested.
"Gladly," he started. "Here's how it goes..."
Whatever Andrew said next was unclear since he was gone with Margaret accompanying him. Of course, Frank was still pretty sore that they were wasting precious time on Klinger.
"I can't believe this! We're wasting our time with this goldbricker," Frank sneered.
"Frank? How would you like it if we were to stuff hamburger in your ear?" Hawkeye threatened calmly.
"Not on my watch buster," Frank snorted. "You aren't gonna do that to me this time!"
"Anything could happen," Trapper told him.
"Hmph," Frank huffed before marching right out of Post-Op.
"Okay doke, we'd best get ready for the wounded you two," Henry remarked. "Better make sure a nurse watches over Klinger."
"Right. Hey nurse," Hawkeye hollered for a nurse nearby. "Keep an eye on Klinger for us, will you? We have to prepare for more meatball surgery since the war is in town."
"Yes doctor," the nurse obliged as Klinger sat up.
"Sirs? Please tell me; will I ever be able to hear again?" Klinger begged for an answer.
"Let me put it this way," Hawkeye answered. "We'll have your ears up and about in no time. You have nothing to worry about."
"Damn, I wish I could hear you," Klinger grunted. "Can you repeat that?"
"Just take it easy and stay put," Trapper requested.
Before Klinger could ask them another question, Hawkeye and Trapper already started to walk out of Post-Op, with Henry accompanying them. As the nurse assigned to watch Klinger was supervising him, Klinger could only lie back down as many questions plagued his mind.
Would he be able to hear again? Would it be cured before he gets back to Toledo? When he does get discharged, will he be able to hear the wonderful sounds of Toledo that he is so fond of? Will he be able to hear his sweet wife Laverne speak to him in the most majestic voice, according to Klinger? And has he 'really' taken his ears for granted, when it comes to hearing?
Whatever the answers to these questions were, Klinger had no choice but to stay put, since he had no way out of this. This was gonna be a long and painful experience for the Lebanese-American...
Several hours have passed, and Post-Op had quickly filled up. Plenty of the wounded soldiers was put in beds to heal and recover after the operations took place. Klinger however, was still in his bed in Post-Op as he was supposed to.
Andrew decided to watch over the Corporal since he didn't have anything else to do. Not to mention the fact that Margaret was sitting at the desk in Post-Op, filling out some forms while plenty of nurses and doctors were tending to the wounded soldiers.
To pass the time, Andrew had allowed Klinger to rant about not being able to hear anything, while not being able to hear what he was saying.
"This is 'absolutely' crazy! Can you believe it? Can you just believe it!? I can't! I mean look at me. I'm deaf!" Klinger ranted, pointing to himself for emphasis. "Why the hell couldn't they leave me in Toledo? I wasn't bothering anyone."
Andrew could only shrug as Klinger continued.
"Boy, you take things for granted, don't you?" Klinger complained. "All the beautiful sounds I'll never hear again. The sizzle of a Hungarian hot dog. The kiss of an eight ball. The wail of police sirens and the cops yelling 'Hey, you, camel nose! Up against the wall!' Can you hear all this?"
"Sure I can Klinger, but I don't think you should get too riled up over it," Andrew said simply.
"And then there's you Major!" Klinger pointed towards him. "Here I am watching you try to reassure me, only I can't hear what you're trying to tell me! What is a guy to do?!"
Andrew did some thinking for a moment before he walked over towards Margaret in need of something.
"Hey, uh, my head nurse," he got her attention. "Can I please borrow a clipboard, a blank sheet of paper, and a pen? I'd like to let Klinger know about what I'm trying to say to him."
"Oh, sure doctor," she said. "Give me a second."
She got up, opened up a cabinet drawer, and got out a clipboard and a blank sheet of paper which she clipped it to. She then gave him a pen for him to write with.
"Here you go Andrew," Margaret handed them to him. "Try to let him know what you're trying to say to him."
"Will do. Thanks a whole bunch Margaret," Andrew gave her a warm smile. "I appreciate it dear."
"Anytime darling," Margaret showed him those pretty white teeth.
After flashing another smile, Andrew walked right back over to Klinger, just in time for Klinger to continue speaking to him.
"Oh Major. About time you came back," Klinger sighed. "Now, as I was saying, I also miss the sweet thwack of a cue stick, breaking over some guy's head. And I especially miss hearing my sweet Laverne's voice, telling me just how much she loves me and how much I mean to her. And now it's gone! It's all gone! Oh, please, let me hear again!"
Andrew thought for a moment before he wrote something down on the clipboard for Klinger. By the time he was done, Andrew showed Klinger what he wrote on the paper. It said "You seem quite fond of Toledo. I mean, you already told me about Tony Packo's Cafe. Care to tell me more about it?"
"Okay. So your gonna write to me since I can't hear you, huh? Well, I guess it'll work," Klinger sighed. "Yes. I have a lot of fond memories there. Aside from Tony Packo's Cafe, I was also fond of watching the Toledo Mud Hens at the ballpark. Then there were all the stops I made at Ernie's Pizza Inferno."
Andrew was curious by this as he then wrote down on the paper "Ernie's Pizza Inferno? Let me guess, it's a pizza parlor, is it?"
"More than that sir," Klinger exclaimed. "That's also the name of the bowling team there. You see, I'd always get my bowling balls checked and drilled at Adolph's Sporting Goods. Some days they do a decent job. Other days, they don't."
Andrew gave him an amused look, which showed him that he was interested in this.
"And if you think that was interesting, I was once a bellboy at the Commodore Perry Apartments. If you ever look it up Major, it's located on 505 Jefferson Ave," Klinger continued his explanation. "I would always take my laundry to Larry's French Cleaners, which is just three blocks away from where I live. I always took a fancy when reading the Toledo Blade newspaper back at home. I've even been to the Toledo Zoo on several occasions. It will always hold some fond memories for me."
After he finished, Andrew wrote another message to Klinger on the clipboard. "Wow. Seems to me that Toledo will always be a special place to you. I never would have imagined."
"You're damn right it is," Klinger admitted proudly while smiling. "Toledo will always be my hometown. And I happen to have a lot of memories there."
Andrew did some thinking for a minute before something came to him. He was rather curious about something that he wanted to know from Klinger. As such, he grabbed the clipboard again, used the pen, and wrote down another question for Klinger to read. When he showed it to Klinger, he got to read what it said.
"You once told me that Section 8 Scheme ran in your family right? Starting from your great grandfather? Are there other examples that ran in your family?"
"Why yes, of course, Major. There's plenty of them," Klinger answered. "Aside from my great grandfather and my Uncle Gus, there was also my Uncle Bob, who wore woman's stockings to get out of the Navy in World War II, and there was my Uncle Zak, who used a wedding dress to get out of World War I. I tried both of these attempts once, in this man's army, and you know how that turned out."
Andrew only nodded in understanding at this as he allowed Klinger to continue.
"Aside from them, there's also my Uncle Amos, my Uncle Abdul, my Uncle Achmed, and my Uncle Amir too," Klinger revealed to him. "You wouldn't be able to find another family that's anything like mine."
Andrew nodded before writing on that clipboard paper yet again. "I'll say. Not even my family could be as big as that. In any case Klinger, I do hope your hearing comes back soon. And I'm sorry that this had to happen to you."
"Hey, don't apologize for that, Major," said Klinger. "It's true that I want to be able to hear again, along with hearing myself again. But you don't have to beat the bush out of it. I just wish my hearing will come back sooner."
"It might Klinger. Just give it a little more time." Andrew wrote after that.
"Yeah," Klinger sighed as he said nothing else for several minutes.
Suddenly, one of the nurses came over with a syringe in her hand as she got Andrew's attention.
"Excuse me, doctor," she got his attention. "I'm supposed to give this to the Corporal."
"Oh, hey ma'am," Andrew looked and got up and saw what it was. "Yeah, I think it's a good idea to give that to him."
"Yes doctor," she nodded as Klinger then saw the syringe for himself.
"Is that a needle?" Klinger was feeling a little on edge.
"Now Klinger, this is a sedative," Andrew explained as he put the clipboard and pen to the side. "It's gonna make you feel better."
"You think I can't read lips?" Klinger didn't need to hear to know what they were planning to do with that sedative. "You get away from me with that."
"Come on Klinger, this will help you relax," Andrew told him. "A little sleep is what you need right now."
"Oh, no, no," Klinger backed away, not allowing them to sedate him. "You're not jabbing me with that."
"We don't have a choice Klinger," Andrew shook his head as he looked towards the head nurse. "Hey, Margaret?! Do you mind giving me a hand and holding him down so we can sedate him!?"
"Of course Andrew," Margaret nodded as she put down her pen and papers and went over to help Andrew hold Klinger down.
"And nurse, you give him the sedative while Margaret and I hold him down," Andrew insisted.
"Yes doc," the nurse nodded as Andrew and Margaret grabbed Klinger by both arms.
Klinger tried to squirm his way out of their grip, but to no avail since they had a tight grip on his hands.
"Sir, wait. Please," Klinger begged. "Don't jab me with that needle. It's bad enough I can't hear! I down want any needles to stab me!"
"Calm down Klinger," Andrew grunted. "The sooner we get this done, the better. Nurse? If you wouldn't mind injecting him before he hits us."
The nurse nodded as she brought the needle to Klinger's thigh while Andrew and Margaret held him down. After lifting a part of Klinger's dress so she could make contact with the skin, the nurse injected the sedative into Klinger and pressed down on the syringe until it was completely injected into him. Once it was empty, the nurse removed the needle from Klinger and allowed the sedative to do the rest.
"Well, that's just great! First I lost my hearing, and now I got injected with a needle! I've seen crazier things in my time, but this one...takes em all..." Klinger started arguing before he felt a little tired in the head and started mumbling under his breath. "Is it me...or am I feeling a little...lightheaded...? Oooooohhhh..."
With that, Klinger felt flat on his bed as he was out cold. The sedative did what it had to do, as Andrew and Margaret released him and let him lie back down.
"Well, that takes care of that," Andrew let out a sigh of relief. "The sedative did the trick, and now Klinger is fast asleep. Thanks for giving him the sedative nurse."
"Your welcome doctor," the nurse nodded as she put the empty syringe away.
"And thank you for helping me hold him down Margaret." Andrew thanked his fiancee. "I think that he would have knocked me out if you didn't keep a good grip on him."
"Anytime Andrew," Margaret smiled. "I'm just glad that his lights are out."
"Me too," Andrew wiped his forehead. "Well, after that experience, I could use a cup of coffee right about now."
"Same here," Margaret nodded.
"Nurse, watch over Klinger for us while we take a coffee break," Andrew instructed.
"Sure thing doctor," the nurse obliged as she decided to watch over the Lebanese-American.
"Alright," he turned to face his lady. "Come on, my dear. Let's have our coffee together."
"Certainly darling," she beamed. "Doing anything with you is always fun."
"I agree," Andrew smiled as they walked for the door while holding hands.
They left Post-Op while that nurse watched over Klinger. One could only hope that Klinger's hearing would return. Of course, it likely will. But everyone will have to wait and see for themselves...
IN POST-OP - 7:38
The following morning has come, and everyone was starting a fresh new day at the M*A*S*H 4077. Klinger, in particular, was still sleeping in his bed. It would appear that the sedative kept him out the whole night, and he slept through everything that happened the moment he was out cold.
At the moment, the entire senior medical staff was watching over him while he was sleeping, along with Radar. Even Frank was among them, even though he was frowning and he disapproved of this whole setup. To see them treat one of their corporals, one who wore dresses no less, disgusted him. Still, he had no say in the matter, so he couldn't do anything about it.
While Klinger was still sleeping, the group was talking amongst each other about his current state.
"Look at him. Our sweet Lebanese prince," Hawkeye commented. "He's been sleeping like that all night, hasn't he?"
"Yeah. Ever since he was given the sedative, he's been sleeping like a log," Andrew told them while nodding. "And I had one of the nurses watch over him too."
"Do you think his hearing will come back?" Trapper asked.
"Could be," Henry shrugged. "Though we never had this happen to one of our 'own' men before."
"I still think this is a disgrace," Frank grumbled. "Watching over that pervertic creep disgusts me."
"Yes Frank," Hawkeye retorted. "We've all been discussing your disgust for the situation."
"Could've fooled me," Trapper shrugged while giving that look. "Everything in this camp disgusts me as it is."
"Gee sirs, and ma'am," Radar muttered. "D'you think he's a'right?"
"I think so Radar," Andrew answered softly. "He hasn't been given us any problems since given the sedative."
"Let's just hope that his hearing isn't permanently damaged," said Margaret. "Otherwise, it'll lead him to an automatic discharge."
"Which is what he wanted all along," Hawkeye said snidely.
"Welp, we better hope for the best," Henry sighed.
Moments later, they heard Klinger moaning and tossing in his sleep, as it looked like he was starting to wake up. This caught their attention.
"Hey, just a minute guys," Andrew pointed. "He's waking up."
"Good going Frank," Hawkeye chastised the Major. "Your big yap woke him up."
"Me!? I'd never!" Frank scolded, offended by that accusation.
"You just don't know when to keep your big mouth shut, do you?" Trapper huffed.
"Don't pin this on me! Your the ones who were making a lot of noise," Frank defended.
"Okay, let's put a lid on the bickering," Henry told them. "Klinger's just starting to wake up as it is."
"Gosh. Gee. Think he's deaf still?" Radar wondered.
"We'll find out in a moment Corporal," Margaret said calmly. "Then we'll see if he can hear again or not."
"Let's just hope for the best outcome to all of this." Andrew prayed as Klinger slowly opened his eyes.
"Ooohhh...what's with all the ruckus?" Klinger wondered groggily, unaware that he had heard them. "Can a man get some sleep?"
"It was Frank. He's always waking people up in the morning," Hawkeye pointed towards Frank in accusation.
"You keep me out of this, you smart aleck," Frank sneered.
"Wait a moment guys," Andrew got them to stop by raising his hand, having a feeling that Klinger could hear again.
Klinger was about to say something about this, but he stopped himself when he realized one thing; he heard what they were saying. And what's more, he heard himself speaking just now while he was trying to wake up.
"Huh? I can hear?" Klinger queried as he heard every word he said. "I can hear! Guys, I can hear again!"
"Well ain't that swell Trap," Hawkeye smirked. "Our Lebanese-American camel can hear again."
"I was hoping on gift wrapping his straight to the Middle East," Trapper snorted dryly.
"I've heard that Captains! This is great!" Klinger got up from his bed and danced. "Now I can hear things again!"
"Glad to see that it wasn't severe ear damage," Andrew said proudly, crossing his arms.
"You said it, sir," Radar agreed. "Good to have back your hearin' Klinger."
"You're telling me Radar! I can hear everything!" Klinger beamed. "I hear music. Mighty fine music."
"I think liked him better the other way." Trapper snorted. "Wonder what it would take for him to go deaf again."
"I heard that! I heard that!" Klinger grinned, pointing at him.
"Welp, sure am glad that that's one issue off my hands," Henry sighed in relief.
"Now since he's able to hear, he won't be discharged," Margaret remarked.
"Wait a minute...what was that?" Klinger was shocked by what he heard.
"Too bad Klinger," Hawkeye shrugged. "Loss of hearing would have been a perfect way out of the army."
"You can't hear, you can't be in the army," Trapper smirked. "I would have signed your Section 8 discharge form if you were permanently deaf Klinger."
"I would have signed it too," Hawkeye agreed with a smirk. "Better luck next time Klinger."
"I would like to think that you two degenerates would at least have some kind of standards, regarding the US Army." Frank scoffed.
"I can't believe my ears." Klinger felt his face drop as he was frowning again.
"Ah don't listen to them Klinger," Andrew shook his head. "They're just putting you on."
"Yeah. Get 'em next time," Radar said.
"You might as well forget it, Klinger," Henry told him.
"Uhhhh...what? What was that?" Klinger held his hand over his ear for emphasis. "I think I'm having a relapse."
"Huh," Andrew blinked before realizing what he was doing as he pinched his nose. "Alright. Nice try Klinger. You can drop the tomfoolery."
"Did you say something, Major Peterson?" Klinger asked. "It's gone again. I can't hear now."
"Klinger, it's too late," Andrew deadpanned in annoyance.
"Huh?" Klinger had a stupid look on his face. "They sir?"
Andrew was fed up as he leaned towards Klinger's ear and hollered. "KNOCK IT OFF KLINGER! IT WON'T WORK!"
"Ow," Klinger winced as he put his finger in his ear. "Major, you don't have to yell. What do you think I am, deaf?"
Andrew could only roll his eyes at that reaction.
"Then maybe next time, you won't start acting desperate Corporal," Margaret retorted.
"Or goldbricking for that matter," Frank huffed.
"He should know," Hawkeye pointed. "Frank's always had this desire of getting some gold-painted bricks."
"You stay out of this, buttinsky!" Frank snapped.
"Well, so much for being sent back to Toledo," Klinger sighed as he walked back over to his bed, which he sat down on.
Andrew ended up sighing at this as he had to give him some reassurance.
"Look Klinger, you'll get back to Toledo someday," he said. "We'll all go back home someday when this war is over."
"You wouldn't be trying to pull the leg of a Lebanese American civilian, would you Major," Klinger uncertainly looked at him.
"I can assure you, Klinger, I'm not," Andrew promised him.
Klinger was still pretty unsure about this, as he's tried getting out so many times, all of which ended in failures. Henry could see it in his face, and he felt it was his duty to do something to resolve it.
"Alright, look Klinger. I'll tell you what," Henry started to say. "If you can behave yourself for the remainder of the day, I'll see to it that you can get a three-day pass of R&R."
"Really? The very pass that I asked for all along?" Klinger looked at the Colonel with that look that said 'bargaining'.
"The very one Klinger," Henry nodded.
"Bless you, Colonel," Klinger thanked him. "I'll behave myself, sir. You'll be proud of me."
"Alrighty. That's what I want to hear," Henry stretched.
Klinger was pretty overjoyed that he got back onto his feet and walked away from the bed.
"Whew. Sure glad that's over," Andrew wiped his forehead.
"Well, sometimes you can't win them all," Hawkeye said, referring to Klinger's failed attempt at getting out of the army.
"Lots of people seem pretty hopeful with getting out of this hell hole," Trapper commented on that. "Well...others aren't so hopeful, since this war is continuous."
"Hmph! I think this whole thing was a disgrace to the outfit," Frank snorted.
"Frank, why don't you read your hypocritical oath while wearing your corn-starched khakis, and wrapped up in the American flag," Hawkeye suggested.
"Preferably when we aren't there," Trapper added dryly.
"Oh, go soak your heads!" Frank barked.
With that, Frank stormed right out of Post-Op, with no intention of looking back at the others, which they shrugged off moments later.
"Well, since that's been taken care of, I could use a belt right about now," Hawkeye stretched as he headed for the door with Trapper.
"I'll drink to that," remarked Trapper. "And whatever else we can think about toasting to."
"You read me loud and clear like an open book Trap." Hawkeye teased as they walked out the door from Post-Op.
"Alright Klinger," Andrew turned his attention back to the Corporal. "Now that you can hear again, I think you should head back to your tent and get into something fresh."
"Yes sir. I would be honored Major," Klinger saluted before heading out the door for his tent.
"Welp, since I'm not needed here any longer, I might as well head back to my office," Henry said as Radar was right by his side. "Radar?!"
"Forms are on your desk sir," Radar answered instantly. "All ready for signing."
"Alrighty. I'll be taking care of that right this minute," Henry headed for the door leading through OR and straight for his office, with Radar by his side. "Goom-bye."
"Yeah. See you 'round," Radar added right before they left.
That left Andrew and Margaret in Post-Op since everyone else left. They stood there silent for a couple of moments. Then Andrew decided on what they should do together.
"Well Margaret, now that that's been taken care of, what do you say we head to the mess tent for some breakfast?" Andrew had offered.
"That would be swell Andrew," Margaret said casually. "Ready to shove off, darling?"
"Whenever you are, dear," Andrew smiled warmly in her direction.
"I had a feeling that you'd say that," Margaret rewarded him with a kiss on his cheek. "Let's get going."
"Right," Andrew nodded before grabbing her hand. "We probably should."
And that's what they did. They left Post-Op just like the others have since Klinger's hearing came back. Most of them were glad that it wasn't permanent hearing damage, despite the opportunity it could have provided Klinger with. One could wonder if something like this would happen again.
Regardless, they were stationed at the M*A*S*H 4077. And at the 4077th, anything could happen to anybody. And they would have to be ready for anything. That's a given...
END OF CHAPTER 53...
Yeah, this chapter was a lot shorter than the previous chapters, which was done deliberately since I got tired of writing super lengthy chapters. Still, I hope you got some enjoyment from this chapter, even though there isn't much.
Now, I don't have much to say for this chapter, aside from the fact that it might not be as good as the previous chapter.
That being said, the next chapter will involve donating blood to the 4077 since they're short on blood supply. I haven't had a completely good idea on how to flesh it out, but I'll think of something. You'll have to find out how it'll go, next time readers.
For now, only leave a review if you want to. That's all I got for that.
Otherwise, I got nothing else to say. So until next time, please do take care of yourselves. And on that note, thanks again for reading everyone!