At seven am, Stan woke up. He had a restless night, but at least no more nightmares. He looked over his shoulder at Kyle. "Kyle? You awake?"
Kyle turned around and smiled and yawned. "Hey man, sleep, okay?"
"I didn't dream or have nightmares so that's the best I can hope for." Stan puts a hand to his chest. "I hurt, again. What time you have to get ready and leave for school?"
"In a half hour. I'll call my mom soon; tell her I plan to go to your appointment today. She's probably getting Ike up soon; fucker is always hard to get out of bed." Kyle carefully got out of bed so as not to disturb Stan too much. He hands over a bottle of water and a pill holder to Stan. "I'm gonna get ready for school now, if that's cool."
"Okay. I'll miss you, but not school." Stan sits up and takes his morning regimen of pills for pain, antibiotics, and for his heart. He laid back down again, covering his head with a blanket.
There is a knock on the door. Kyle got up to answer. "Hello, Mrs. Marsh." He said as she grabbed some clothes and items to go get ready.
Stan pokes his face out of the blankets but doesn't move.
Sharon is in the doorway. "Hello, Kyle. Stanley, I want you up soon. You have an appointment with Dr. Zephyr and Dr. Steels today."
"Why both? What the hell? I just got out of the hospital." Stan complains, going back under his covers.
Sharon sighs, expecting this. "Yes, and because of your hospitalization you missed your adjustment and you're having a cleaning to prevent more infection. It's a precaution all your doctors want done. Get up, Stanley."
"Can't it be another day? I feel like shit. I just want to stay in bed." Stan said from under his blanket.
Sharon sighed and sat at the edge of his bed. "Baby, I want you to eat a little something before we go."
"I ate…last night." Came Stan's muffled voice from under the covers.
Sharon touched his huddled form under the covers, pulling them back slightly. "That's good, but I want you to have a little something this morning. I'll make you a smoothie. Although I know you usually like to save those for after orthodontist appointments since your mouth will be sore. Does that sound good with some toast, sweetie?"
"Do I have to go downstairs?" Stan asks, burying himself under the blankets again. "I just took my medicine and my body hurts."
Sharon let's him stay. "I'll bring you up some toast then. But you are going to the appointment Stanley, it's been almost eight weeks. Way past due."
"Ugh. Stupid braces." Stan turns his back to his mom.
Kyle comes back now, dressed, and ready. "Hey Mrs. Marsh, do you think it would be okay if I accompany you and Stan today for his appointment?"
"Mom? They can't give me a break or go easy on me? You know with all this heart surgery shit? Yeah, can Kyle come? To all my appointments? I need him." Stan says, poking his face out of the blankets again.
"I'm sorry Stan but you need this done. You can't just pick and choose whenever you go in for adjustments. But I will talk to the office and let them know you might need assistance. Yes, Kyle. I think it might be helpful if you went along. Just be sure to ask your mother first." Sharon made her way downstairs now.
"Sure thing, thanks." Kyle called after her.
"Goddammit I should've just stayed dead. Give me a choice. Fuck." Stan curled himself into a ball of pain and depression.
Kyle wants to get after Stan for saying scary depressing shit, but steps aside and calls his mother to tell her the latest plans as he gathers his things to leave for the bus stop. He hates to leave Stan's side. Kyle knew even as smart as he was, he couldn't miss any more school if possible.
Stan fell back asleep. This time he's dreaming he's back in the violet place again. He's standing at the gates of hell but can see someone else step through.
"Mom, no. I'm kidding, please. Don't go. No, don't leave me. Mom, stay away from there, it's a trap. Mom!" Stan yells after her.
He's afraid but runs at the gate to stop her, horrible shocking pain goes through his chest again. But he's determined to not let his mom enter Hell. "Mom, no. Stay here with me, please!"
Stan starts shaking again in his sleep. "Mom!" Stan cries out from his dream.
Sharon is across the hall cleaning up the bathroom. She gasps and rushes to her son's room as she hears him yell out. "Stanley! Stanley baby, I'm here!" She places her hands on his shoulders, gently waking him up.
Stan is still shaking in fear. He opens his eyes, trails of tears to his pillow. "Mommy?" He says again before blinking. "Mom?"
"I'm right here baby. Mom is right here." She hugs him now and smooths the hair on his head.
"Don't leave me alone. Don't go... I'm still scared" Stan rubs his eyes again, getting his bearings. "I'm sorry."
"No, I'm sorry sweetie. I was just cleaning up. I shouldn't have left you. I'm here now baby. I'm here now. She kisses his forehead as she touches his hair.
"No, no it's not your fault. I just keep having bad dreams." Stan sniffs again. "Can you help me sit up?"
Sharon puts a gentle arm around him to carefully help him up. "I'm sorry Stan, I wish there was a way to help you with your dreams. I hate knowing you're still hurting even when you sleep."
"I just keep dreaming about dying and you and Kyle seeing it. I wish it would go away. I'm so exhausted." Stan leans over to give his mom a hug, one arm still protectively across his chest.
Sharon hugs him close. "I'm here sweetie. For as long as it takes. They will understand at work why I can't come in."
"Am I okay? Will I be okay soon? I hurt. My chest hurts, my body aches, I feel sick and tired and I'm scared. I'm so scared of being left alone." He starts to cry into his mom's sleeve.
"You'll be okay eventually, baby. Maybe not today, maybe not next week. But this won't last. The first steps of any recovery are the hardest. But you have a great support system. We want to make sure you are back to feeling like yourself." She strokes his hair and lets him cry.
"Oh, Mom." Stan wraps both arms around her, not caring about protecting his chest and gives her a tight hug. He sobs.
Sharon is quiet as she holds onto him and lets him cry. She feels so bad for him and how much he is going through. Her beautiful baby boy didn't deserve this.
Hiccupping, Stan finally pulls away. "Okay, I think I can get through at least a shower and brushing my teeth. I might cry again during breakfast." He sniffs and smiles at his mom.
"I won't think any less of you if you do that, sweetie. I think it's best you get dressed and showered then go eat downstairs so we can leave in a couple hours. Don't want you to have to go up and down the stairs all day." Sharon reaches over and hands Stan a box of tissues.
Stan takes one and wipes his nose. "I'll shower and get ready. I'll let you know if I need food up here or if I can make it to the table."
"Okay, let me know, sweetie. I gave Kyle directions to the clinic, so he'll be able to take the bus when he leaves and meet us there." She scoots back to give him some room.
"Poor Kyle. He doesn't have to do all this. I told him I want him there for the cardiologist and he said he'd come to every appointment. I'm scared of going to the doctors again." Stan's voice grows heavy.
Before Sharon can help him, Stan pulls himself up out of bed. He gets unsteadily to his feet.
"Stanley! Are you okay? Do you want help?" Sharon goes to instinctively grab to steady him.
"No, I need to do things for myself. But I'll leave the bathroom door cracked open. In case I fall or something." Stan walks carefully to the bathroom, grabbing his toothbrush and supplies on the way.
"Okay. I'll be downstairs then. Make sure you have everything, so you don't need to go back up after you go down. Is there anything you want me to get you now to save a trip?" Sharon asks.
"No, I'll be fine. Thanks, Mom." He kisses her on the cheek as she makes her way downstairs.
Stan grumbles as he steps into the shower. Since he had surgery, he was stuck with so many fucking rules. Lukewarm showers only, since hot could make him faint. He turned on the water and waited for it to heat up, looking at himself in the bathroom mirror. Dried blood on his surgery scar, crispy burnt skin on each side of his chest. It made him wonder how he looked dead and jumping up in front of his loved ones. He shuddered at himself before climbing into the shower.
It hurt but he managed to clean himself pretty good, used shampoo on his hair and scrubbed his face since Kyle was making fun of his pimples. Fucker.
He got out a little bit later and stood in front of the mirror. At least the wound looked cleaner now, the burns not so dark. Nothing could help those protruding ribs and collar bones, just more food Stan didn't want to eat. He sighed and went back to his room to get dressed. He put on his pants, buckling the belt to the lowest notch. He had to gain some fucking weight; this was pathetic.
He put the cream on his wounds and threw a black shirt over. He shook his head in the mirror, going for his hat. His hair was a lot longer and he noticed it curled at the ends. He didn't know it did that, he never had it this long before.
It looked cool, he looked like he belonged in a band. He put his hat on but left the ends of his hair hanging out of the beanie. He threw on socks and his blue converse and looked around if he needed anything else.
He just sunk back on his bed, heavy eyes starting to close again. Even a shower was exhausting.
"Stanley! Breakfast is ready!" Called Sharon's voice.
"I'm too tired, mom!" He yelled back, before throwing a blanket over himself. Fingers to his neck again.
A couple minutes later Sharon walks up. "Stanley, I want you downstairs. Even if you don't eat, I still want you down so that we can leave for your appointment. I don't want to give you the option of crawling back in bed."
"Too late." Stan said. "Am I paranoid or is my heart pounding again?"
"Do you feel any other symptoms?" Sharon said, trying to keep stern to hide her worry.
"I'm...tired." Stan said, hoping that was enough.
"Well, you can nap on the couch before we leave. Maybe you can get lucky and fall asleep in the dentist's chair." Sharon said.
"Fine. Help me sit up?" Stan holds his arms again.
Sharon helps sit him up. "Do you need help going downstairs?"
"... yes." His mom is a lot shorter than Kyle is so Stan put his left arm around her neck. "I won't hurt you, Mom?"
"No sweetie, I think I'll be okay, as long as you don't hurt yourself going downstairs." She helps him to the top of the stairs now.
"Yeah I've done it a few times with Kyle who's a giant." Stan grabs the banister and starts to walk down.
Sharon laughs as she helps walk down. "Oh sweetie. At least you're getting back to your smartass self."
They both laugh as Sharon helps him, but halfway down Stan has to stop and catch his breath. "I feel dizzy when I look down. I think it's the height."
Sharon loosens her grip. "Take your time, sweetie. We can rest right here if needed."
Stan let's go of Sharon and sinks to sitting on the step. He takes big gulping breaths, trying to steady himself. Sharon sits down next to him and rubs his leg.
Stan closes his eyes and leans on her shoulder. "This sucks." He says quietly.
"I agree, it does. When you're ready to get up just tell me sweetie." She says patiently.
"I think I'm okay." Stan puts an arm around her neck and one on the banister. "On the count of three?"
"One-two- three!" Sharon says as she helps him stand up.
Stan screams out as pain shoots down his chest. But he's standing. He holds the arm right of his mom as he goes down the stairs.
Sharon tries to keep him steady, her eyes sting at hearing him cry out in pain like that.
Stan makes it down the stairs and goes over to the couch. He lays down and curls into a ball. "I feel like shit." He has a hand to his chest again.
"I'm sorry sweetie. Did you take your medication yet?" Sharon asks.
"Yeah, when I woke up. Two heart pills, antibiotics, and pain medicine that doesn't do shit." Stan gives a bitter laugh.
"Well, when we see the cardiologist, we can see if you can be prescribed a different medication. But they need to be careful prescribing pain medication nowadays sweetie. I'm sorry you're in pain."
"I know, it's not your fault. It's the doctor's, haha. Ooohh." Stan closes his eyes and lays down on the couch.
"Stanley…" Sharon shakes her head, wanting to change the subject. "You have to eat something before we leave."
"I'll try a little bit of smoothie. Strawberries and bananas, right?" Stan lifts his head slightly.
"Anything you want, sweetie. Do you want me to make up a bigger batch so you can have the rest after your appointment?"
"I don't know. I guess. If I don't want more Kyle will have it." Stan doesn't open his eyes. "Is there one of the blankets you made around here?"
"Yes, there should be one over the recliner in the living room. Did you want to take it with you to the dentist?" Sharon asks, grabbing the blanket and putting it over him gently.
"No but I want to bring my heart pillow. I just wanted a blanket while I lay here."
Sharon smiles. "Sure thing. But don't get too comfortable, we need to leave in a half hour."
"It's impossible for me to get comfortable." Stan grumbles.
Sharon just leaves to go to whip up the smoothie.
Stan dozes off and starts to dream now. He's the one watching someone being worked on in an operating room. He's frozen in place and sick, wanting to vomit. The skin is pale, and he can just see feet as the doctors are slicing open the chest with scalpels.
He lets out a cry at familiar silky black hair. He had really wanted to kill Wendy too when trapped under there. He feels even more sick at the thought if he succeeded.
Stan starts to shake and cry again in his sleep. He's slowly whispering apologies under his breath.
Sharon looks over into the living room and sighs. Stan had fallen asleep again. She walks over to him and sets his smoothie on the table in front of the couch. She shakes his shoulder. "Stan? Stanley, wake up. You're just dreaming. Your breakfast is ready."
Stan opens his eyes again, reaching forward. "Please don't die, I'm sorry I did that to you." He's looking at the familiar ceiling of his living room. He covers his mouth with his hand and cries a bit.
"I was having a bad dream." Stan sits up and keeps the hand knitted blanket wrapped around him. He sees a smoothie in a glass and a slice of toast in front of him. His hand shakes as he grabs the smoothie.
Sharon sits next to him and has a hand on his back, rubbing circles. "Poor thing... take it slow now. Don't need you getting sick before we have to leave."
Stan hands the glass to his mom and puts his head on her shoulder. "Just hospital nightmares but it's people I care about having procedures that happened to me. I'm so sorry."
I'm sorry too sweetie. I'm sorry you keep reliving the same dreams." She hugs him as she tries to hand the toast to him.
"I know I need to sleep to get better but it's hard. I know I need to eat too; this is tolerable and it's sweet." He just looks at the toast before taking another sip of smoothie.
"That's good you like it sweetie. I want you to eat. She rubs his back again before getting to her feet. "Tell me if you need something or if you finished your food. I'm going to throw everything in the dishwasher that I can before we leave."
"Thank you." Stan takes another sip and lays back down. He can feel his stomach feel a little better. He better not risk eating anymore.
Sharon has her purse and keys. She helps Stan slip on his jacket and over to the car. Stan gets into the front seat and holds his heart pillow between his chest and seatbelt as his mom starts the car up. He checks his phone and sees a text from Kyle.
I'm on bus now. Was able to get out of class. Today is still on, right?
Yeah, me and my mom are driving over. Tired and nauseous.
Stan looked up from his phone and rested his head on the cool passenger side window. "Mom, can you turn down the radio?"
Sharon glances over. "Oh, sorry honey. I thought you would want to listen to some music on the drive there."
Stan closes his eyes against the window. Every little bump in the road made his chest and stomachache. He hugged the heart; he'd never be the same.
He shoots Kyle another text.
You can stay tonight again
yeah, I'm sure. I'll probably need to do homework though. You need to start catching up too
you think you can bring me my homework? Or I can text Wendy.
just add it to the pile, I guess. But I'll have Wendy get your assignments for today when school is out
ok I miss her
Stan texts Wendy and she said she'll be there after school with his homework. He smiles a little but feels doubtful if he'll feel even worse after his appointment and didn't want Wendy to see him like that.
"Mom, will we do anything else after the orthodontist?" Stan looked out the window. He missed living life. This was just like the pandemic again.
Sharon thinks. "Well, I was thinking of something. If you're feeling up to it."
Stan looked at her. "Oh yeah? What?" He had a hint of a smile
She smiles back. "We can go to Blueberries after. If frozen yogurt sounds good to you."
"You're just trying to make me eat." Stan pinches his side. "Thanks, mom." He smiles wider at her this time.
Sharon laughs gently and puts a hand on his shoulder. "Well sorry for expecting my son to want some froyo after the orthodontist."
Stan laughs a little and puts his head to the window again. He's almost dozed off when the car comes to a complete stop.
"Okay Stan, we're here. Let's wait a few minutes for Kyle to show up. The bus stop is just across the street."
"Okay." Stan doesn't open his eyes, hugs his pillow some more. A horrible thought comes over him. "How embarrassing that I'm holding this thing in the office. I'm fucking thirteen. Ugh. Maybe I should leave it."
Sharon turns off the car now. "If it helps you feel better, then you shouldn't have to be embarrassed. I already called and explained the situation and they will make sure you are as comfortable as possible."
"Is there a private room available? You think Dr Zephyr will be pissed I'm overdue? Will Dr. Steels bug me about dad the whole time?"
Sharon sighed. "I know Dr Steels is one of your dad's football buddies. I doubt either doctor will get mad at you. It's a doctor's office Stan, they expect canceled or late appointments all the time."
Stan watches the bus pull up. "Oh, there's Kyle."
"Oh good. Do you want help out?" Sharon starts to unbuckle her seatbelt.
"Ummm yeah. Even if it's embarrassing." Stan rolls his eyes.
Sharon steps out her side of the car and goes to open the car door for Stan. He carefully swinging his legs to the side.
Kyle appears. "Hey you guys, need help?"
Sharon steps to the side. "If you could, thank you honey."
Stan takes his arms and puts them around Kyle. He grits his teeth. "God, I'm so pathetic!" He growls.
Kyle keeps his arms tight around him. "Yeah dude, yell all you want if it makes you feel better. Okay easy now." Kyle looks up and sees there's a wide set of stairs ahead, leading to the front of the building. "Um, did you want to go up the stairs or up the handicapped ramp?"
"Stairs!" Stan snapped. "I'm not that bad!"
Kyle let's Stan go so he can hold his hands up. "Hey, I was just asking, damn."
"Am I considered handicapped now? Not that it's bad but oh god...mom?" Stan hands his mom the pillow as he puts an arm around Kyle to climb the stairs.
Sharon takes his pillow. "I can always ask Dr. Davies for a handicap sticker for the car during your recovery, Stan."
"No, I don't want that. Give it to someone who needs it. Like in a wheelchair or crutches or something." Stan climbs the stairs quickly with Kyle but is winded by the time he gets to the top. "I'll...be normal again...in a few... months."
Kyle let's him go again. "Need a breather?"
"No..." Stan opens the door to the building and takes a seat in the waiting room, crossing his arms.
Kyle rolls his eyes but steps in, a bit surprised. "Oh, whoa dude. cool office."
The waiting room is decorated in a jungle theme. It has various kids' toys. But Kyle can see a pinball machine set up, a video game station, toys, a Keurig machine, magazines.
"Yeah, they have stuff for people our age since they do dental and orthodontics in the same building." Stan shrugs, not wanting to deal with this.
Kyle is antsy even as he sits down next to Stan. "Hey Stan, ever have any luck with the pinball machine?"
"Um, it's not bad. Not as loose as the one at Shakey's." Stan says, wondering if it's weird if he lays down.
"Wanna play? Or do you just want to sit?" Kyle asks.
"Sit. You go ahead. I'll kick your ass when I'm better. Or we can play at Shakey's together." Stan gives a weak smile but lays down on the bench and shuts his eyes.
"Well, all right then." Kyle shrugs and heads over to the machine.
Stan was trying not to be embarrassing in public, he wanted to check his pulse or cry, but both were so stupid. The light chatter and bustle of the office was not helping whatever he was feeling. Anxious and just Ill. Tiredness down to his bones. He slipped off his jacket to use as a pillow, wondering if people were staring.
Meanwhile Kyle was yelling at the machine. "You stupid fucker! Fuck you!" He slams a fist down. "I had it! I had it!"
Nice, Stan wasn't the biggest freak in the waiting room. Kyle was either out of his mind or a really good friend. Probably both. Stan lays across the bench, arm across his chest. He opens one eye to watch Kyle with amusement.
"It's rigged! This stupid machine is rigged!" Kyle yells out.
"Shakey's man." Stan calls out.
A little girl approaches Stan. "Why you lying down, mister?"
"I'm sick." Stan says, with a slight smile.
"Doctor will make you much better?" She asks.
"Not sure."
The little girl points to Kyle. "He's scary."
"Yeah, he is. Hey dude." Stan yells out. "You're scaring the children you big freak."
"Screw you man." Kyle yells back. He slams another fist down before walking off in a huff. "That game is a joke, Stan."
"Not worth the energy." Stan pats the bench near his head. "I need a pillow. A big freakish one."
Kyle glances around. "I don't see one dude."
"I meant you, moron." Stan snuggles against him. "Where's my heart?"
"Uhhh there." The little girl pointed to Stan's chest, almost touching him. He jumps back in fear. "Oh, you're still here. Please no." Stan puts an arm across to protect his chest.
"Get out of here little girl, leave Stan alone!" Kyle scolds her.
The little girl looks sad, her eyes watering, she puts her head down and goes to back to her mom.
"Aw dude that wasn't nice. Some doctor you'll be." Stan says, closing his eyes.
"Damn, that was rude. Sorry kid!" Kyle calls out. "Yeah, I'm gonna suck as a doctor. Now I feel bad."
"Go apologize then. And find my heart!" Stan yells after him as Kyle gets up to leave Stan to lay on the bench by himself.
Kyle points to the front desk. "Your mom has it dude. But I'll apologize."
Kyle strolls over to the kid and bends over to her on her level. "Umm, hi again kid
She looks at him scared. She points to Stan. "He doesn't have a heart? Did you take it, mister?"
Kyle gives her a little grin. "Aww nah. He was talking about this special heart pillow he has. He just came back from the hospital after having surgery so is feeling a little sore. I just wanted to make sure you didn't hurt him. I'm sorry I snapped at you."
"I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt him. He looked sad." She's still hesitant around Kyle, looking at her mom who's sitting nearby looking at her phone.
Kyle looks over at Stan now resting his head in his mother's lap. "Yeah, he is a little sad right now. But it's okay to feel sad. We all get sad about some things."
The girl's mother smiles at this boy talking to her daughter. "Go ahead, it's okay." She tells her.
The little girl thinks a minute and reaches into her pocket. She pulls out a little cupcake figure. It's white with little red heart sprinkles on it and a smiley face. "My shopkins make me smile." She stands up and hands it to Kyle. "Maybe this will make him smile."
"Hey, why don't you go ask him? He could use more reasons to smile. I'm sorry, what's your name little girl?" Kyle asks.
She looks at her mom who nods. "Victoria."
Kyle smiles and holds out a hand to shake. "I'm Kyle. And that pimply dork over there." He smiles darkly. "Go up to him and call him Booger Face."
"Kay..." Victoria shyly approaches Stan and places the cupcake in front of him. "Sorry about your heart, hope this makes you smile Mister...Boogerface."
Stan's eyes fly open. He can hear Kyle start laughing, across the room.
"Hey! Kyle." He looks at the girl. "Thank you. I don't need this toy, you keep it. That was nice."
"But mister boogerface, these shopkins make me smile and I want you to smile." The girl insists as she pushes the little cupcake at him again.
At this Stan starts to tear up. He's trying not to cry in front of a little kid but can't help it.
Victoria looks at Kyle. "I made mister boogerface sadder!" She yells at him.
"No, he's happy, he's just crying because you made him feel better." Kyle reassures her.
"Kyle, shut up. Don't make a sweet little kid do your evil bidding." Stan yells back as he wipes his eyes. He tries to hand the cupcake back. "Seriously, I don't need this."
"I have the pink one at home. Keep the red one and feel better. Maybe you'll find your heart." The girl tells him again.
Stan just squeezes his eyes shut. "Thank you... little girl." He buries his face in the pillow.
Kyle smiles and pats the little girl on her head.
"Mommy I helped!" She yelled and ran off.
Kyle sits back down next to Stan. "So? Did I redeem myself?"
"No, you're still a dick." Stan looks down at the little red and white smiling cupcake toy in his hand. "Why hearts man. Fuck..."
"Well glad to play the role as your best dick friend then." Kyle frowns. "That sounded weird."
Stan starts to laugh now, and he manages to stop crying. "Oh man, you're such a loser. Haha."
Stan is still giggling as he lays against Kyle's shoulder, waiting for his name to be called. He pockets the little cupcake.