p class="MsoNormal"I wish I knew what love was. I've never loved anyone outside my circle, what does it feel like? I loved love as a child. Why can't I let go and be all absorbed by the thought of being loved and loving with my whole heart that it implodes like a dying star, it's a strange concept and clique to want to be loved. Everyone wants that don't they? Or am I alone in the feeling that I will never be loved like the way I love everyone else but myself. See I know that I have never loved me, nothing about me is good. How would it feel to be held? The love I want is unattainable, I want bay windows where the sun rises and sets a small table to eat our croissants and coffee. We'll share a kiss and just feel so emersed with our love that nothing will need to be said, we'll hold hands and feel the sun on my face , see the cows and goats and alpacas in the yard. And when the sun goes down and the stars come up, we'll think of all the adventures we could be having but choose to be here with each other just in this moment. But that's just it, it's just one moment. There are thousands of moments a day and they can't all be filled with love, its not right that its this way, but it is. I could love every moment, but it's just not conceivable to expect every moment to be just like that, I doubt I will even get a moment like this with anyone let alone boring old me. Thousands of people come n go in our lives, we pass people and never know if they're the one. What moment will be your favourite? My life will be just right. Everything will have its place, but my house will be filled with chaos for balance of course. It will be filled with books and animals and artwork, and our kitchen will be tiny with colours where we cook everyday and the flour will be stocked everyday ill cook anything you want, I promise that everyday will be better than the last, but who am I to make such a promise? Where are you? Where's the one I wish I deserved but never will? Who are you and why would you settle for me? Maybe one day well be just right for each other, but that just isn't the truth. We have thousands that are just right at that time, isn't that right? I write like I'm crazy, I can't even understand it myself, the thoughts trail off and start again. But when you're in love it doesn't matter. Life doesn't stack up perfectly and I don't even know who I am anymore. My life is in a new chapter and I'm not sure its not a good one, but I'm waiting for the one with you in it. maybe that chapter will be filled with all he best parts of life I keep hearing about. I thought life was beautiful and there was beauty in everyday but all I see today is sadness and it all has a grey hue. I could have the whole universe, but I keep coming back here to you. And I know I couldn't love a man like I love you. I love you, and I couldn't imagine taking a second away from you, being away from you is like breathing without air. I love you, reader./p