AN:I do not own any of Taylor Swift's music.
Jo was dancing with her daughter when she saw him. In the middle of the wonderful fairy tale wedding that Maggie had, Jo tried to keep a smile on her face as she spoke to the happy couple with Luna in her arms. Yet, she couldn't help but remember her own wedding. The way that Zola threw flowers at her wedding or the way the light sparkled off the water of the sound at her wedding, or when Alex said his vows to hers at her wedding. Then she saw him.
Alex was sitting next to Meredith, and he looked good in his dark suit with his blue checkered tie. If she didn't know better, she would have thought that it was the same one he had worn at their wedding, but that one was buried in a box in the back of her closet along with her wedding dress.
He caught her staring because, of course, he did. He had always been able to feel her eyes on him. She looked over at him and froze. He just stared at her with his lips parted as he just stared at her. He didn't look happy or sad to see her, he just stared at her.
Jo took in a quick breath as she turned away and focused on Luna. Her perfect little girl who looked so beautiful in her dress. It was their first real event together, and the first time Jo put Lina in a fancy dress, and from the second she did, she was determined to savor the moment because of how adorable Luna was.
She avoided Alex for the rest of the ceremony and the reception. However, she was watching Scout anyway, so Link could propose. Although she had already warned him that it would be disastrous, she thought that maybe Amelia would say yes, and she hoped she did.
Yet, Jo couldn't stop staring at him. She looked up to where Alex was standing across the tent at the bar, his head was a downcast, and his hands were in his pocket as he glanced up at her. Meredith came over and blocked her view of him as she sat next to her. She talked to Scout and cooed at Luna, talking about how cute she looked in her dress as they made small talk for a moment.
Jo glanced back at Alex and Meredith caught her staring. "I could take Luna and Scout for a little while if you want to talk to him?"
Jo knew that she shouldn't, she just got Luna home, and she felt like any new mom in that she was reluctant to let go of her baby. She'd so little time with Luna so far, but somehow she found herself kissing Luna's head and passing her over to Meredith, letting her sticky fingers slip out of Jo's hand. Scout waved to her as she got up, and she smiled as she waved goodbye to them too.
She took a deep breath as she walked over to him and their eyes locked. As she crossed the party, the crowd parted for her as if by divine intervention until she was standing in front of him. For the first time in over a year, he was close enough to touch. He looked so much the same and yet so different. He had more gray hairs, and his wrinkles were deeper, but he had those same brown eyes that she loved, and he was her Alex, hers, but not anymore.
She had a million things to say to him, questions she wanted answered, anger she needed to express, heartbreak and tears, but somehow she let him speak first.
"Let's get out of here?" Alex said as he held out his hand for her to take.
She acknowledged him with a single nod as she took his hand and let him whisk her away. Jo thought that heaven couldn't help her now and that this couldn't last forever, but in this moment, as they walked into the hotel, it was just them. This was going to ruin her, she knew it, but she would still let it happen. Because if that was all she got of him for the rest of her life, she would take it.
He said, "Let's get out of this town, drive out of the city, away from the crowds." I thought heaven can't help me now. Nothing lasts forever, but this is gonna take me down.
They went up to his room and Jo let go of his hand as she went over the balcony. She opened up the door and put her hands on the railing as she stared down at the wedding party. She could handle music from all the way up there, and she caught sight of Meredith with Luna as they swayed and danced to the music. Her sweet little girl smiled as she waved her arms in excitement as they danced.
She turned back to Alex. He looked so handsome in his suit, standing so tall before her despite how he seemed to shrink in her presence. He stood there, his hands in his pockets and his head tilted down. As she stared at him, it was then that her body took over her desire. She longed for him, for his touch, his kiss, his hands on her body. She could see how this would end before they even started, but she knew that this was what she wanted.
Jo came back to the moment as she just looked at him. She wanted to ask all of the questions that had been on her tongue from the moment he left. Why did he leave? Why was he back? Why did he tell her in a letter? Why did he lie to her? Why did he betray her? Why did he leave her? Why did he leave without her?
But she decided that she didn't care about his excuses for the reasons why he left. She didn't think that there was anything more that he could say to her, that he didn't already say in the letter. However, there was one question that she wanted answered.
So she asked. "Was it worth it? Why was leaving me to be a father to your kids in Kansas worth it?"
She could see the pain across his face as he looked down at his hand. He twisted his fingers over the empty space where his wedding ring used to rest on his finger. The weight of the metal was gone from his hands, but he clearly missed it. Jo looked at him, and she knew that he regretted it. As the tears swelled up in both of their eyes and she could tell that he wasn't as happy as she was. Ever since she decided to be Luna's mom, she understood more so than before why Alex left, but she also understood that he didn't have to leave.
He looked up at her again, her body cast in the shadow as the sunlight streamed in behind her, yet he still looked up at her, clear as day. "Leaving you with the worst mistake of my life. I've been miserable ever since, and every second of the day, I miss you."
As she looked at him as the word slipped out of her. "I miss you too."
The music from the party changed to something soft and bittersweet. Jo turned and looked back at the party. Standing there, in the hotel room, he was close enough for her to touch, yet they were so far apart.
"I should get going," Alex said, standing up and shuffling as he put his hand in his pockets again. "I just came for Maggie's wedding to see her, and Meredith, and the kids, and stuff, and my flight leaves early tomorrow. I'm just here for the night."
"We just have tonight?"
"Yep, just tonight."
Jo bit her lips as she considered doing something she knew she shouldn't do, but she wanted him again, if only for the night.
Jo looked down at the wedding again and spotted Luna in the crowd with Meredith. She could hear his footsteps come up behind her. She felt him press up against her back and felt his breath, hot in her ear.
"You look like a dream," Alex whispered, his lips brushing up against her ear.
"I want you to remember me like this, here in this moment, just the two of us together," Jo said as she looked out at the sun setting on the water.
"I will, Jo. I'll always remember you like this. Standing here in this dress, your red lipstick, and your rosy cheeks, you've never looked more beautiful, even in my wildest dreams."
"Do you still dream of me?" Jo asked, thinking of all of the dreams she had of him. The most recurring one was of him knocking on her door and walking back into her life again.
"I only dream of you," Alex said as he put his hand around her waist and pulled her into him.
My one condition is, say you'll remember me standing in a nice dress, staring at the sunset, babe. Red lips and rosy cheeks, say you'll see me again, even if it's just in your Wildest Dreams.
She could feel him up against her, so familiar and yet so foreign because it was something he had done a million times, but not in the past year. She loved his hands on her waist, his chest against her back, and his head on her shoulder, but she wanted more of him.
She turned around and looked into his brown eyes, forgetting for a moment that this was a bad idea. It wouldn't change anything, but if she could have him, then that could be enough. It was her last request in this world just to have him again, if only for tonight. Her eyes trail down to his lips as her fingers trail up his white pressed shirt. Somehow it was still wrinkled, just like all of his white shirts always were. Her fingers went to his tie as she pulled at it, pulling them closer. She didn't kiss him just yet, as her hand went up to his shoulder, and she pushed his jacket off.
He caught on pretty quickly as his hand went up to her waist to the edge of her strapless gown. His fingers found the zipper at the side of her dress before his eyes caught hers.
"Jo?" Alex asked, his voice soft and sweet, and her name was familiar on his tongue, but the question lingered on his lips still unasked.
"I want you," Jo said, making her intentions clear as her fingers went to the buttons on his dress shirt, delicately undoing each one.
"I'm with Izzie. We're married," Alex said, looking down and away from her.
"I don't fucken care," Jo said, and she didn't. The knowledge that they were married hurt, but not as bad as her letter had, besides Alex was here alone with no ring on his finger, his hands were on her skin, and she could tell that he wanted her. "No one has to know what we do tonight."
Jo never thought of herself as one to have an affair, to cheat with a married man, but here she was, and she doesn't care. Alex and Izzie cheated on her, before he even served her with divorce papers, before she knew anything was amiss, he was in her bed. Jo didn't care that she was stealing him back.
She finally kissed him. They melted together, and his lips felt so familiar. His lips felt so familiar, and they fit perfectly against hers. She tore off his shirt and moved to push him back to the bed, but Alex paused. His fingers dug at the zipper of her dress as he pulled it down. Jo didn't bother to hold it against her body. Instead, she just let the dress fall into a pile on the floor as she stepped out of it.
She stood there, half-naked before him, in only her heels and white cotton panties. Her panties had a small hole in the front of them because she was too busy getting Luna ready this morning to bother with anything fancy. Yet, Alex still looked at her like she took his breath away. He inhaled and took a step back, his hands leaving her waist. The back of his knees found the bed, and he fell back to sit on the bed. Alex just stared at her, giving her a look of red hot lust that felt hotter than the sun on her back that streamed in through the open balcony doors.
Jo couldn't help but smirk as she knew she looked like a vision standing before him. She carefully made her way over to him, taking her time as she enjoyed the look on his face. His hands reached out to hold her waist again, and his thumb hooks into the hem of her panties like he always did before he dragged them down her thighs.
His thick and nimble fingers trailed up her thighs again and brushed over the lips of her vulva between her legs as he teases her with his fingers. Jo spread her legs apart, and his fingers went in between her folds, feeling how dripping wet she was. The moment he touched her clit, she moaned for him. With his fingers on her clit, she couldn't help but cry out because no one touched her like Alex did.
He seemed content to relearn her body as his fingers trailed over her labia and moved in circles around the entrance to her vagina. Before he moved up and circled around her clit. Her hips moved with his fingers, and she hated that she was this desperate for his touch. She thought she should make him work for her body, but she just wanted him so badly.
Alex's fingers continued to tease her folds, never truly entering her or focusing on her clit as Jo let out a moan. He moved forward to kiss her belly, his lips gently nipped at her skin, and his eyes glanced up at her. It was so automatic, the way that her hands went and tangled in his hair. His spare hand held onto her waist and he pulled her down to sit in his lap. Once they were face to face and he pulled her in for a kiss as Jo's hips rocked against his fingers.
He still teased her folds, and his fingers brushed over her skin, collecting her wetness and teasing her clit and just dipping into her. Jo let out a frustrated groan and rubbed against his fingers. It wasn't fair that he got to tease her. Finally, she reached between them and grabbed his wrist as she forced him where she wanted him. Alex smirked and let out a chuckle before he picked her up as her eyes flew open.
She expected him to be a little rough with her in the way they sometimes were when they were teasing each other, but instead, he gently held her and made sure she was secure before he turned around and laid her down on the bed. Alex moved back to stand before her at the end of the bed as Jo laid there and stared up at him. Now she was the one who stared at him as he was a vision before her as the sun glittered around his shadow. He made quick work of getting out of his suit. When he finally pulled down his boxers, Jo's lips parted for a second as she stared at him.
Alex's body had always been something she had lusted over, but his body had changed in the past couple of years. To be fair, so had her body. They both held a little more weight, and he carried his in his abdomen, but she didn't care about his beer belly. She still looked as strong and as handsome as the day that she first met him. She could see the hair on his chest, and she wanted to tango her fingers in it. The muscles in his arms that he had so he could let the kids he worked with hang off his arms, and at night he held her safe in his arms. His long leg lifted her up and carried her to bed when she fell asleep on the car ride home. But most of all, she loved his handsome face, the little wrinkle around his cheeks, his eyes that lit up just for her, and his lips that did wonderful nasty things to her.
Then there's his cock, long and thick like his fingers and oh god, did she remember taking him for the first time and how full she felt. She remembered the way his hips danced against her, causing her to cry out and enter a world of pure pleasure she didn't know was possible. The day she finally let him take her to bed, she understood why all the women of the hospital were obsessed with him because his talents were unmatched. Back then, he was hers and hers alone. He had been hers ever since that day, and she wanted to claim him once again.
Jo sat up and reached out to him, putting a hand on his hips as she pulled him forward, and he stepped up to her. She looked up at him through her eyelashes and could tell the way his breath quickened as his heartbeat. She smiled, knowing that she could still get that reaction out of him again before she looked down at her target. His cock stood at attention, pointing out at her, and Jo reached out to grab his hips and hold him steady. As she reached out, Jo leaned forward to take his cock in her hands. She wrapped her fingers around him, giving him a little tug before she continued to trail her fingers around him.
Alex instantly melted like putty in her hands as he closed his eyes and let out a moan. She teased him, just like he teased her, with short strokes up and down his cock, pausing just a moment to run her thumb over his head before she moved her hand back down, never fully taking him. Then her hands became more determined and she wrapped her hand around him and pumped him into her hands. His hand moved to her, held her head, and tangled in her hair as he pulled her forward, so the head of his cock brushed against her breasts. She loved the way that he reacted to her, so needy and desperate as he became a morning mess. Jo smiled as she continued to tease him more. She held the head of his cock against her breast and rubbed his precum over her nipples as he groaned.
As much as she knew he enjoyed this handjob, she wanted him inside of her. She wanted him to make love to her like they were still married, like he was still hers, she wanted to claim his body, his mind, his soul as hers. Alex caught on to her train of thought, always so in sync with her body, as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down on top of her. Jo laid down on the bed and instantly pulled her knees open and spread her legs wide as he crawled in between her.
He hesitated for a moment as he looked down and her spread open before him. His eyes meet her for a moment as they get lost just for a second. Jo reached up and brushed her fingers along his cheek before tangling in the hairs at the back of his neck as she pulled him down into a kiss. Alex relaxed then kissed her like he used to before putting his hand on her body to hold her close as his other hand held his cock at her opening. Finally, he pushed into her, it was slow and sweet, and the second he was fully inside of her, Jo squeezed her walls around him, holding him in.
They both took a moment to appreciate the feeling of being one again. Alex pulled back his lips, leaving hers as his eyes fluttered open, and he stared at her. Jo gazed into his Honey brown eyes, her lips partying. Here he was, with his cock inside of her again, his body on top of her, and his eyes staring into hers. Alex held himself up with one arm as he wrapped one arm around her, pulling her into his body as she wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him as close to her as possible. She wanted to hold him in her arms forever.
After a moment, he pulled out of her, all the way until the head of his cock was teasing her clit again. She didn't want to beg or cry out for him, but if he didn't start moving soon, she was going to roll over and take him for herself. Finally, he gave her a slow and long thrust as he moved in and out of her. His stamina seemed to be wearing thin as he picked up speed like he always did when he made love to her. As he pulled back and looked at her, she could tell that he wanted to fuck her as badly as she wanted him to.
Alex looked down at her with that stupid look before he started pounding into her. Jo threw her head back and let out a whine. She could hear how his lips clicked as he smirked. Not to be outdone, she moved her hips up to meet him as they slammed into each other. His smirk disappeared as he got lost in the pleasure just as much as she did as he finally fucked her. They both got lost in the pleasure as Alex had always been a man of many talents and his sexual abilities always left her breathless. He went fast and hard, and she was crying out around him as she chased her high. Alex kept moving faster and going harder, he didn't slow down, and he didn't let up as he fucked her harder. He had fucked her like this before, on days when they had fun. She used to tease him, and he would slam into her until she saw stars and came around him. Hard and fast and fun. Though this wasn't what she wanted, she wanted to hold him and have him lay with her like he used to. She wanted the intimacy of holding him in her arms and kissing him as she made him hers again. She didn't want him to just fuck her, she wanted him to make love to her.
"Slow down," Jo breathed out as she wrapped her arms around his neck. She looked into his eyes as he stared at her again. "Make love to me, make love to me like we're still married, like you're still mine, and I'm still yours. Love me, Alex, just for tonight."
He did as she asked, slowing down to a pleasurable pace for both of them. She held his head and tangled her hands in his hair as he leaned down and kissed her like he used to do.
"I do love you, Jo," Alex said as he leaned down and kissed her before he trailed his lips across her cheek and down her neck. "I love you, I love you, I love you."
Each kiss was said with soft lips on her skin as his love filled her up again. His kisses were so familiar and his lips had been on hers a thousand times. Jo would never get used to the feeling of getting lost in him as he kissed his way down her neck, soft and gentle, claiming her in a way she only let him do. She looked at him again. Alex's head was on her chest as he kissed over her heart. He still moved inside her, but it was more of a roll of his hips. Jo trailed her hand down his back and across the familiar plane of his back. She moved her hand over his chest moving up and pushing him back just a little so she could stare at him. Those familiar blissed out honey golden eyes greeted her with his lips parted as his hips moved, and she let out a moan. Looking into his eyes again, she knew he was his, and she knew that he loved her.
She wasn't surprised that they both didn't last very long. They never did when they made love to each other like this. His body was as familiar to her as her own, and she could tell that he was close by the way his hips become a little less intent and more erotic and the way he closed his eyes. His breath was high as it caught in his throat. She moved her hips up to meet him, and he reached between their bodies as his fingers fumbled with her clit for a second before two fingers dance circles around the swollen bud in a familiar way. It was exactly how she liked it as she took in a breath that caught in her throat.
They were both so close, and she squeezed her legs against his hips and rolled her hips against his fingers for an extra bit of friction. Jo was never one to be quiet, and her moans turned into high-pitched whines as she cried out his name. They were both so lost in their own pleasure, but not enough to forget the other person as he opened his eyes and stared at her. This time instead of a smark, he smiled just a little bit. It was a happy and love filled smile. She couldn't help but smile back at him as he leaned down and kissed her just as he pushed her over the edge, and she came with a cry against his lips.
She nearly screamed and cried out as she came. Her toes curled, and she withered underneath him, her back arched as she pushed her chest against him as the pleasure overtook her body. She let out a cry of his name as his lips danced all over her cheek, and he whispers her name against her skin. She was overcome with pleasure and clawed at his back as her pussy fluttered around his cock. Alex pulled his arm around her shoulder and let her bury her face in his shoulder like he knew she liked to do after she came. He sat up and pulled her body into his as she came. He still thrust inside of her, and she tried to remember to bouch in his lap as she wanted him to come to.
She knew the moment he came as his hips picked up speed just for a few minutes before he buried himself instead of her as his thighs shook. He cried out her name in her ear and wrapped her arms around him, and held him close. His hips became erratic as he came before he buried himself inside of her and held her as close as he could, resting his forehead on her shoulder. They both became too heavy, and Jo fell back against the bed, pulling Alex with her. As they came down from there high, her legs fell apart, one stretching out onto the bed, and he rested his hand on her chest.
Jo took in a breath, slowly letting it out as she opened her and was greeted with the sight of the dark curls of his hair. She reached up and ran her fingers through her hair, twirling astray and as she massaged his scalp. He pulled back from where he had buried his face in her breasts. His eyes were soft as he smiled, and she smiled too, happy and in love with him. He kissed her again before he rolled them over, so she was the one on top. His cock never left her cunt, and she could still feel him twitch as he still filled her up with his cum.
Jo laid her head on his chest, and he ran his fingers through her hair, pulling it out and away from her back as he ran his hand up and down her spine. They just laid there together, and he let out a breath as she looked up to see his eyes were closed. His short eyelashes fluttered against his cheek. She missed this too. Both of them in the afterglow completely wrapped around each other. His cock was still buried inside of her, and his arms around her waist as he held her close. She felt so wanted and loved in moments like this, but more so because of the man who held her.
Alex was the one man who truly loved her. In his arms, she took safety and he protected her against the harsh world. She closed her eyes, wishing she could fall asleep in his arms just one last time. From a moment she did, from the moment they relaxed around each other. She played with his chest hair massaging her fingers into his chest and giving it gentle tugs. His fingers running up and down her spine up and down, up and down, and his lips found the top of her head as he pressed a kiss to her forehead.
She remembered the days when he pulled her back into bed as her alarm went off, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her back into his embrace. She remembered how she melted against him, never wanting to leave his warm embrace where she was safe and loved. She would give anything to go back to that, but as she opened her eyes, she realized that she truly wouldn't want to go back in time. Doing so would mean giving up the best part of her life, her daughter, Luna, and Jo could never give her up.
What she truly wanted was to have both of them. Alex and Luna. Maybe if he had chosen to stay with her, maybe if this wasn't just an affair, she could have them both. For a moment, Jo closed her eyes. She let out a sigh as she let herself be comforted by his arms around her. She imagined the life where Alex had never left her, where they had adopted Luna together. Instead of having an affair, they had sat together at Maggie's wedding and danced together at the reception, and Meredith had offered to take Luna for the night to give them a night alone. The two of them had gone up to their hotel room together and made love to each other because they were in love, maybe because they were trying for another baby so that Luna could have a sibling. Maybe she would already be pregnant, as they had planned to have a baby once he got back. But he never came back, and this wasn't her hotel room, Luna wasn't his daughter, and Jo wasn't his wife.
A few minutes Jo would get up and collect her things. Alex would help her zip up the side of her dress, and she would redo his tie, so it was perfectly straight. They would go back to the party, and his hand would leave her waist. Jo would find Meredith and hold her daughter close and dance with her instead. Their eyes would still meet across the party, but then they would look away because every good thing ends. But for now, she listened to Alex's heartbeat under her ear, and she felt his breath on the top of her head as his lips kissed her again and his fingers trail down her spine. She pressed herself against him and ran her hands across his chest, just a little longer. She kissed him again because she could. For now, in this moment, Alex was hers, and if all she ever had was this. If all she had was him in this bed tonight, then she was going to savor it because soon all she would have was him in her wildest dreams. She always saw him again in her dreams.
I said, "No one has to know what we do." His hands are in my hair, his clothes are in my room. And his voice is a familiar sound, nothing lasts forever, but this is getting good now. He's so tall and handsome as hell. He's so bad, but he does it so well. And when we've had our very last kiss. My last request is, say you'll remember me standing in a nice dress, staring at the sunset, babe. Red lips and rosy cheeks say you'll see me again, even if it's just in your Wildest Dreams.
Alex settled into the window seat of the airplane on his way back to Kansas. He glanced out the window to get one last look at Seattle, but all he could think about was the vision of Jo tangled up in sheets in the bed next to him. He remembered it so vividly and he clung to those memories. The feel of the soft cotton sheets around them. The soft feel of her body, still sticky with sweat, as he ran his fingers over every inch of her. The feel of her hair through his fingers, long and beautiful and as dark as he remembered. Her eyes, the way her brown eyes sparkled with happiness. Her smile, the one she gave him, was so genuine and soft as if none of the hurt and pain exited between them.
However, most of all, he remembered her standing at the balcony. Her dark silhouette against the setting sun in her beautiful dress. He remembered the way her cheeks flushed to match her red lipstick. She was a vision of beauty that he always knew her to be. He always said that if he had one last night with her, he would take the time and worship her, and he did.
The flight attendants made the announcement over the speakers, and he checked his seat belt before they took off and left Seattle. Back to Kansas and his wonderful kids, but the boring life that he had when they weren't around, but this was the life that he chose, he chose to burn it all down with Jo. To be left with only fond memories that followed him around like ghosts.
He would hold onto the memories the sound of her laughter, the feel of her in his arms, the sight of her naked body standing before him, the way her smile lit up his whole world, she made him the happiest he had ever been, and now that she was gone all the sunshine that she brought to his love had ended too. Of course, he loved his kids, and they brought a light into his life, but they weren't his other half, Jo was.
Alex sighed as he accepted his fate. This was the life he had chosen. He reached into his bag and pulled out his wedding ring from the pocket where he had stored it on the flight out to Seattle. He didn't want anybody to know that he and Izzie got remarried. He was still so deeply ashamed of what he had done by leaving Jo, and he didn't want to hurt her further by shoving the ring in her face. No one, not even Meredith, knew they were married again, and he figured he would keep it that way for a little while longer.
Izzy had only gotten married a few months before, in a civil ceremony. He did it to prove that he was all in with her and the kids, but also for practicality's sake. It was easier legally for him to be with the kids, although he was on their birth certificates, he hadn't been in their lives until now. It was easier for the courts to see that he intended to be in their lives now and forever if he made that commitment to their mother. Their marriage was one of convenience and duty, but they tried to love each other. Izzie tried more than he did, but he did it so that his kids could have a happy family.
He settled the ring on his finger. The band was engraved with Izzie, Alexis, and Eli's names as they were his family now. The golden band was heavier than the light silver ring that Jo had given him when they got married. Alex missed how easy it was to be married to Jo when every day it was a heavy responsibility to be married to Izzie. Yet, it was a responsibility he took on when he left to be with his kids. Alex took one last look out the window and watched Seattle get smaller and smaller underneath him before the city disappeared in the clouds.
You'll see me in hindsight tangled up with you all night, burnin' it down. Someday when you leave me, I bet these memories follow you around.
Jo sat on the floor of the bathroom as Luna crawled around her, grabbing the bathtub toys she had pulled out and scattered around the floor. Jo was envious of her childlike innocence and ignorance, she was completely oblivious to the turmoil her mother was going through, but that was the way it should be.
Jo thought about the night she spent with Alex at Maggie's wedding. She remembered the way the sheets tangled around his body like they always did when they had sex in the sheets. She remembered that way her fingers trailed over his body, so familiar and comforting to her as she remembered him and relearned his body.
She remembered the way he slept so peacefully as she slipped out of bed. She hated to leave him like that, slipping out of his arms as he slept next to her. She hated that she couldn't get to sleep next to him for one last night, but she couldn't leave her daughter. Despite how Meredith texted and assured her that she could take Luna for the night and that she would be fine, Jo couldn't bear to spend the night without her.
She remembered the way she leaned down to kiss him one last time, and he woke up and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her back in. He was trying to keep her, but he was the one who left, and she wasn't his to keep. She remembered that last goodbye as she slipped out of the room, sparing him one last glance as he sat up in the bed and stared at her. Unlike the pain and sadness that had been between them for so long, she smiled as she left, and so did he as he watched her go. For both of them, it was a cherished memory.
Even though she knew the memories of Alex followed her around. His voice in her head, as she made a bottle for Luna just the way he taught her how to do it on the Ped's floor. His old Iowa Hawkeye t-shirt that was her favorite comfy outfit, although his scent had long since faded from the fabric. The couch that was theirs, that still held all the memories of him and the nights they spent on the couch.
The memory that haunted her was the smile that he gave her as she closed the door to his hotel room. It lingered in her mind, accompanied by his voice as he had jokingly asked if he would see her again? She said that he would see her in his wildest dreams. Jo always saw Alex in her dreams, but now she knew she would see him again.
She knew that before she started throwing up in the morning, she knew that before she missed her period. She knew that before the timer on her phone went off and before the pregnancy test turned positive. She knew she would see Alex again, and now that she was carrying his baby, she would have to see him again.
Despite everything, she couldn't help but smile because this baby was someone of their wildest dreams. Alex had always wanted a baby with her, and before he left, she had wanted a baby with him. It had been something they dreamed of together, and now, despite everything, somehow, it had become a reality. She was pregnant with Alex's baby.
Jo reached out to Luna as she stood up against the edge of the tub and made little raspberry noises as she played with her ducky. She picked her up and smiled as she squealed in delight and set her on her lap, leaning in to kiss her and blow raspberries against her cheek as Luna's wonderful laughter filled the room.
"Hey Luna, do you want to be a big sister?" Jo asked, looking into the blue eyes of her little girl.
"Sissy," Luna babbled, Jo wasn't sure what kind of response she expected from her one-year-old, but Luna looked up at her and giggled, reaching out to place our hand on Jo's cheeks.
"That's right, you're going to be a sister," Jo said as Luna's blue eyes met her own. "There's a baby in Mama's belly. What do you think about that?"
"Baba," Luna bobbled using the words she used for her little baby doll.
"Yeah, a baby," Jo said with a nod as she smiled. "You are going to be a good big sister, aren't you, my Little Moon? Let's just hope that your baby's other siblings are good to them too."
Jo put her arm around Luna and held her close as she put another hand over her belly, she wasn't showing yet, but she was pregnant. Despite how she had no idea how they were going to work it out, she knew they would because of the love they still held for each other. She always knew that she would see Alex again, but never in her wildest dreams did she imagine that it would lead to this.
You'll see me in hindsight, tangled up with you all night, burnin' it down. Someday when you leave me, I bet these memories follow you around. Say you'll remember me standing in a nice dress, staring at the sunset, babe. Red lips and rosy cheeks, say you'll see me again, even if it's just in your wildest dreams.
AN: Surprise! I couldn't resist adding a baby.