Hello y'all!
Day 3 of Royai Week: Valediction. Thanks to that theme, I learned a new word, that doesn't exist in my mother tongue (well, we've got "formules de politesse", but there isn't the same depth in it)
I sticked with the theme of letters, with how Roy and Riza call each other through time and the different events happening to them (aka Ishval, the military...)
A bit of angst, but there's romance and hope too!
Disclaimer: FMA isn't mine
Enjoy!
Thank you again for your kindness, Roy. I really hope that you'll enjoy your stay at our house and that you'll learn the best alchemy.
Your friend,
Riza
The first time Riza writes to Roy, she's a pupil in a reputed boarding school in the Eastern region, away from her home, from her father, from his apprentice. She knows that the money Roy's aunt - Mother? she never knows how to call her - pays for his tuition pays for her own tuition. When she learns which families the other girls come from, she often wonders why her father had sent her here. She's smart, and she got a scholarship, but that doesn't explain why. Only how.
When she thinks about the past two months of summer she's spent in her small town with Roy, her heart warms. The fifteen-year-old boy is her first friend, and she's glad she's got to know him before leaving for her boarding school. She was afraid at first, but he seemed to be a good guy and genuinely tried to get to know her.
Riza has never felt like she was interesting in any way. Her father certainly hasn't helped her in that matter. But Roy is not like everyone else. He makes her feel safe, worthy of human interactions, of sharing secrets, and she appreciates that.
The other girls at school are nice, but none of them is really close to Riza. They talk a bit together, but it's mostly about school and teachers and life at school. Riza craves for something more, for laughs, for secrets, for long conversations, for knowing smiles. And she knows she won't have them at school.
It's only been a few days, but I already miss our conversations and our getaways in the countryside. Riza, I wish you great Winter celebrations! I hope the next few years will be kind to you!
Warm regards,
Your friend,
Roy
Roy closes the envelope with a smile. He's gone for less than a week for Winter celebrations but he's already writing a letter to Riza. The girl is one of his few real friends. He's got some at school and he plans to see them during these few days, and he's close enough to his sisters to share many things with them, but since he's met Riza, he knows what a real friendship is. When she's back from her boarding school and done with her chores and he's done with his work, they usually go outside and walk, talk, and she shows him her favorite places. He feels like he learns more with her in a few hours than with Master Hawkeye in one week. Riza is someone exceptional, and during the two years he's known her, his desire to see her happy, emancipated from his too severe father, hasn't stopped growing.
Riza deserves to be free, to do something with her life. She doesn't need to spend her whole life between boarding schools and an old and decrepit house.
Roy sighs. He'll have to tell her of his decision to go to the military academy. He's told her about his wish to be useful to people, and he knows that mastering alchemy is a step. But when he sees Master Hawkeye, he knows that alchemy alone isn't enough.
"Roy boy! Come down to help us!" Chris' voice rings from downstairs. Roy rises from his chair, takes the letter with the address neatly written. He'll ask a stamp to his mother and help the girls with dinner. He can already hear them laughing at him for sending a letter when he's not here for more than two days. But he wants to make sure Riza receives a warm letter for the celebrations. She deserves at least some affection from a friend, doesn't she?
Please, tell me when you think you will come. I will make sure everything is ready for your arrival. But that's only if you intend to come back and see my father one last time.
Sincerely,
Riza Hawkeye
Riza's heart clenches in her chest as she puts the letter in the letterbox. She misses Roy. He's gone for two years and she's only heard of him for her birthday and Winter celebrations. For all this time she's wondered if their friendship meant something at all for him. He's been kind in his letters, but she hasn't found anything in them from their three years spent exchanging about life, about their future, about alchemy. He's been cordial, but that's all.
She thought he felt something more for her, but she realized it was only her. She's tried to keep that strange feeling at bay, but when she feels alone, when despair looms over her, when she feels like she's going to disappear with her father, when she thinks about the tattoo on her back, the feeling comes back. Each time it leaves her more craving, sadder, more uncertain about her future.
She only hopes that Roy's well. And if it happens that he comes back to her house, she will be at least a little happier than before.
I'm so sorry. I know that I don't deserve your forgiveness, and I won't accept it. I've become a monster.
I just want you to be safe. Please, Miss Riza, don't forget our friendship, and if it happens that you think about me sometimes, don't think about what I've done. Keep me in the past.
I'm sorry.
Roy Mustang
Roy has a bitter taste in his mouth. The taste of burned corpses, of smoke, of blood lingers on his tongue since the first time he's put a foot in the battlefield. He can't stand the burn of the Sun. The cries of wounded soldiers, of dying innocents stays permanently in his ears. His own reflection is unbearable, and he's come to hate the gloves he's been so proud to show to Riza when he's finally mastered flame alchemy.
Riza. This letter for her is the last, he's decided. She deserves to know what he's done. And he doesn't deserve any forgiveness from her because of his actions. He hasn't told her the extent of what he's done, but she'll know enough to decide she doesn't want anything to do with him anymore.
Little does he know that his letter will never reach its recipient and that less than seventy-two hours later he'll be saved by the very same girl he wants to keep safe from the war.
I know I won't be able to see myself anymore in a mirror without thinking of what I've done in Ishval. And I know that you're the only person who can help me to atone for my sins. If you'll have me, Major Mustang, I want to be part of your team.
Respectfully,
Second Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye
As she stands in front of Lieutenant-Colonel Roy Mustang, Riza wonders how they've come to that point. They were friends. Then she developed feelings for him. It was only a crush, a silly puppy love, a hopeless infatuation. She's learned early enough to hide it, and now she's glad of being able to conceal her feelings so easily.
There's something more in her demand to be part of his team. And she knows she doesn't deserve to see him otherwise than her commanding officer. She's not even allowed to think of him otherwise. And she won't think about him that way.
That's a promise, she tells herself. But the words that pass her lips mean more than all her feelings.
"I'll follow you into Hell."
I can't afford to lose another person I hold dear. Please, Riza, stay safe, stay by my side. You more than anyone are important to me.
Yours truly,
Roy
When he closes the last folder and gives it to his Lieutenant to check his mistakes, Roy can't prevent his heart from beating faster. He knows the weight of the words he's put on the paper slid in the middle of the report.
But after Hughes' death he can't accept the idea of losing her. His childhood friend has become much more for him. She's his loyal adjutant, and anyone can see that. But they can't see what she's for him. What he's realized while tending for her burn. She's the woman he loves. He can't help but worry about her. She's told her she would follow him into Hell, but that's something she's already done. He doesn't know her feelings for him, but he's certain he won't lose her loyalty. Maybe she'll scold him for his boldness, but he can't remain silent.
Riza takes the folder and sits at her desk. Roy settles in his chair and watches around him. The guys are gone for at least two hours now, and the only noises he can hear are the scratches of Riza's pen and Hayate's light snores. The dog has found his place in the team, and lightens their days. Roy is happy he's found a good mistress in Riza. If Black Hayate can help her to find some solace, he'll be glad.
The scratching stops. "Colonel…" Riza's voice resonates in the almost empty office, tense and sharp. Roy turns to her, and his chest tightens at the sight of her looking so lost. "You know I can't keep something like that," she says while handing him his letter. "Burn it, destroy it, but no one can know about it. I -" she inhales. "I can't accept it."
There's grief in her eyes when he takes the letter after a long silence. Roy knows she's moved, but she won't tell him. He nods. "This letter will disappear, but neither the words nor the feelings, Lieutenant. Those are mine and I mean everyone of them. Please, stay safe, for my sake. You're the only one -" Riza raises her hand to stop him but he continues anyway. "You're the only one I trust enough now to stay by my side and help me rise through the ranks."
He smiles faintly and meets her tender gaze. She smiles back and returns to her desk where she gathers the last papers. The day is finished. Their conversation is too, for now. Roy watches her for a moment and takes a decision. "Do you want a drive home, Lieutenant?" He asks with a wink.
"Gladly, Colonel. Night comes earlier and it's pretty chilly outside." Riza wakes up her dog and they leave the office.
I miss you, Roy. I miss being by your side, I miss the way you speak, I miss our conversations about your plans for the future, I miss your smile, I miss your warmth.
I love you.
Riza
Riza carefully folds the letter and slips it between the pages of a book. Not any book. The first one Roy has ever offered her. The first gift she's received in years after her mother's death. She holds it dearly and re-reads it every year. She knows that way she won't forget where she's put the letter.
The letter will never be read, she's decided. There are too many secrets in it, and Riza intends that it stays that way. She's not ready to tell her feelings to Roy. She knows how he feels about her, she knows he's aware of her feelings for him, but he'll never bring them out. Especially now that they're not working together anymore. It would put them even more in danger.
She sits back on her couch after putting the book on the shelf and sighs. Hayate rises from his cushion and places his head on her leg. Riza smiles warmly. "You always know when I need you to reassure me, my good dog." She pats his head. Soon after, thanks to the warmth he gives her and the knowledge that one way or another her feelings are secured, safe from the homunculi, she falls asleep.
You are our dear child, and whatever happens to us, we want you to know one thing: you may have been a surprise, but we've waited eagerly for you to come to the world, and we'll do everything to make that world safe for you.
We love you
Mom and Dad
Riza puts the pen down and Roy places the blutter on the paper to dry the ink.
It's a strange feeling, Roy realizes. They don't even know how their future will be, if they'll grow old together to see it happen, but they know that their child will live in a better world. Because they're working in that sense and they've placed all their hopes into the future generations to continue their work.
Riza places the letter in the enveloppe and writes the names they've chosen for their child. Maes Christopher Mustang / Irene Elinor Mustang. They don't know yet if the baby will be a boy or a girl, but they just want them to have a happy life, to know they've been loved, and they'll be loved.
Roy hasn't announced his intention of giving up his position as Fuhrer after the baby will be born to anyone beside Riza. They both know they might not survive the trial that'll happen after that.
Roy's rising from his chair when Riza grips his arm. He turns, surprised, to find an expression of pure joy on her face. She places a hand on her swollen belly and smiles brightly. "The baby kicked," she breathes, unbelieving.
Roy kneels by her side and touches her belly. A few seconds later, he feels the kick under his hand. The feeling is indescribable and overwhelming. He hiccups, and words catch in his throat.
"You're safe, baby. You're loved, little one. Your Mom and Dad love you very much," Roy whispers to the big bump of her stomach. "We love you, baby. We want you to be happy." Roy raises his head and meets Riza's loving eyes. "I love you," they say at the same time.
Their fingers entwine. Roy rises a bit and meets Riza midway for a long kiss. Their future is uncertain, but their child's will be bright.
It's not the valediction of their story.